Taking a break gave me time to look back and re-evaluate my experiences. I had grown as a person and learned a lot; what I liked, what I didn't like, what I needed, the nice to haves and my deal breakers. Slowly I was starting to figure out what I wanted and needed in partner. With time you become better at reading between the lines of a profile and conversations. You ask specific questions and while out with a person, you read their body language, facial expressions while observing their interactions and gestures. Eye contact is huge. Chances are if a person can't look you in the eyes when they're talking to you, they aren't being honest. These signs can be very subtle. Emotions and feeling lonely can also cloud our thoughts making it easy to miss, sugar coat or overlook red flags.
In terms of the things I don't want or like, the qualities or behaviours include:
1. Indecisive/disorganized
Very annoying when a person can't make up their mind. Time is the most generous gift a person can give you because they can never get it back, so don't waste it!
2. Dishonest
Not interested in liars or playing games.
3. Married or attached in any way
I want to be the one, not one of many. Not interested in sharing my significant other and no this doesn't make me selfish! Lol
4. Inconsistent/unreliable
If you can't be a man of your word, you're not for me. Ultimately actions speak louder than words.
5. Rude/disrespectful
If you think the world revolves around you, it's time to wake up from your fantasy! These behaviours are a major turn off.
6. Arrogant/racist
I have no use for people who think they are better than everyone else. Being humble and kind are much more admirable traits.
7. Cheap
An extremely unattractive trait. For me this is a major turn off. Also a deal breaker.
8. Selfish/self-centered
You're not on this earth alone! If you can't be considerate and put others first once in a while, you're not for me.
My dealbreakers:
1. Doesn't like kids
This one is not negotiable. It's a package deal. Just think, you get 5 for 1!
2. Bad sex
The physical connection has to be just as strong as the emotional connection and my partner needs to be on the same page as me. If you're happy with sex once a month, it is so not going to work.
3. Any addictive behaviours (smoker, drug addict, alcoholic, gambler, etc.)
I'd be willing to bend a bit on the smoking if it's only done socially or occasionally. The odd cigar is fine too, just not in the house or our vehicles!
4. Bad teeth and/or hygiene
If I can't picture myself kissing you or having sex with you, you're done. For me bad hygiene is insulting. Exercise a bit of self-pride and consideration for others. I don't think I need to say more, but if anyone needs examples I can provide several.
5. Unemployed
My potential mate must be employed, retired or independently wealthy. Much like I don't expect to be supported financially, I'm not looking to support a man financially either.
6. Being cheap or drowning in debt
I think this is fairly clear, no explanation necessary.
7. Infidelity
If you can't be monogamous, I'm not interested.
Traits I look for in a partner and all relationships for that matter (not necessarily in this order):
* Keeping in mind that no one is perfect and they may not have all of the traits below, but any combination of the majority of these would be awesome. Some will argue our laundry lists are too long and unrealistic. I beg to differ. Personally I believe I embody all of these traits, so if I can do it, it's not unrealistic to want my significant other to have some of these traits as well. These are quite common, nothing outrageous or unreasonable. In general most of the people I develop and maintain relationships with whether at work or socially, exhibit these traits, otherwise I wouldn't have them in my life.
Kind
Communicative
Strong
Generous
Confident
Adaptable
Polite
Social/outgoing
Attentive
Affectionate
Reliable
Honest
Funny
Positive
Romantic
Humble
I won't lie, there has to be a physical attraction as well. That said, I'd rather be with someone less attractive with most of the traits I'm looking for rather than a super attractive individual who's rude and dishonest. As we get older we finally learn that looks aren't everything. What's deep down inside is what counts and lasts far longer than looks which tend to fade over time.
Having a few common interests would be nice, but not always necessary if both people are open to trying new things. As previously mentioned, the best way for a man to get my complete and undivided attention is to roll out the chivalry. For me it's the icing on my cake. The little things have the greatest impact and who doesn't like surprises?
Let's see what the next round has in store. I was ready for Round 26!
Dateless in Ottawa
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