After a long break I had to reassess my life.
Family - The kids were thriving and doing well in school. They were also helping out around the house more which greatly lightened my load.
Work - Was going great. Very busy with lots of travel, but it was nice to meet new people and see new places. At the same time the kids get a break from me too! Lol
Health - On the health front things were ok too and I had miraculously lost weight! Wasn't even trying, it just seems to keep falling off. Perfect, just in time for Summer and bikini weather! Lol
Life - In general life was good. Great family and friends and lots to do.
What was missing?
All of a sudden I seemed to have more time. Not sure where it came from. As nice as it is to have time for oneself, you start overthinking and comparing yourself to others. It reminds you of what you once had, what you don't have and what you wish you had. I missed being the other half of a couple. Overall I was content with my life. There's nothing I can't do and I'm not in need of being rescued or taken care of. I have a house, food, vehicles and all the things I enjoy. My family and friends are amazing. Twice a year I take vacation leave and travel, things were good.
There was only one thing missing that would make life as close to perfect as it could be. I longed for a companion. Someone to do things with. Go out to dinners, weekend getaways, long walks...the list is endless. It would be nice to have a date for all the different events I attend through work and with friends. Being the 3rd wheel is not fun. I love my friends dearly, but when we're out at dinners or weddings, I'm the one that winds up alone at the table when the slow songs come on and some of the fast ones too. How I missed having a dance partner! And I won't lie, there's a huge void in the intimacy department.
Lately I've been travelling extensively for work. Go figure I keep getting these amazing upgrades at hotels, but I'm all alone! The last trip I was upgraded to a suite. I was blown away when I got to my room. There were 2 queen beds, small office, fireplace and a huge corner Jacuzzi tub. I could've had a party in the tub! Damn, rub it in just a little bit more than I'm single! I don't get it, I booked for one, why would they think this was a good idea? A complimentary dinner or massage would be way more useful and thoroughly enjoyed. Oh well, romantic celebration pour une! Lol
One thing that really annoys me when eating out alone is when they seat you at a table for 2 and then abruptly take away the second place setting. First of all I don't need to be reminded that I'm alone and honestly does it matter? There was one waiter that was really rude. He just starting grabbing everything off the table, slamming the cutlery and stemware like he was pissed off that I created more work for him. I commented and his response, "Well you're alone and not expecting anyone are you?" Thank you very much! So considerate of you, as if I didn't know I was alone. Did I not say, "Table for one when I arrived?" They could at least let me sit down, get comfortable and discreetly take away the extra place setting while I look at the menu. Why do they even bother setting the tables in advance anyways? Wait till you seat the clients then bring the place settings you need. Good grief, you'd think I was going to play musical chairs and dirty the second place setting too!
So what are the options for dating?
-Work is out of the question because I don't mix business with pleasure. Very bad work environment when things don't end well and you have to see the person every day. Not to mention most of the people I work with are married.
-Going out and meeting people. Not sure how that happens or where to even go, but yes some meet their significant other while waiting in line at Tim Hortons, shopping at Home Depot or on a plane during a business trip. Sorry, I'm just not that lucky. Probably because if I'm going to Timmy's, I'm at the drive through, my Dad or male friends will pick up what we need from Home Depot when they help me fix something and when I travel I try to catch up on sleep!
-Getting set-up by friends could be an option. but it hasn't worked in the past. Within my circles of friends, most people at this age are married. My girlfriends don't have any single brothers, cousins or friends. Furthermore they always say, "If a man is single at this age, it's for a good reason and you don't want him." Thanks, what does that say for me? Apparently I'm an exception because I was widowed and didn't choose to be alone. Works for me and it's true.
-Ok, I guess by default, online dating it is! After all, this is a tool that allows you to meet people you probably wouldn't otherwise get the opportunity to meet. Can you tell I'm trying to focus on the positive? Lol
On to round #34 - What am I getting myself into?
Based on my recent experience with Zoosk, there's no way in hell I'm paying to find love, so POF is the winner by default! I created my profile and uploaded 4 pictures. A head shot, a full body shot (a picture on the beach to represent my love of travel and water), another at an event and a picture of a paella I made to show of my culinary talents. One of my best male friends helped me pick a cute user name and my opening line is "Will cook for love". My Mother always said the way to a man's heart is through his stomach!
For my preferences I was a bit more selective this time. Users that wanted to email me had to have a picture posted, the acceptable distance was 50 km (I expanded a bit to cast my net further), age range 45-55 (I tightened this one up as men over 55 typically aren't interested in young children and I still have a 6 year-old) and listed a wide range of interests. My profile was funny, while detailing what I'm looking for and the qualities that are most important to me in a mate. It wasn't too long or too short. I had a few friends read it just to make sure it was ok. They gave me the thumbs up and poof, I was active!
I told myself I wouldn't allow myself to become all consumed and obsessed. No expectations = no disappointment....yeah right, we'll see how long that lasts! For starters I'd log in and do some searches. If I found a profile that piqued my interest, I'd add it to my favourites to let him know I had viewed his profile and was interested. No sending introductory emails unless I found a totally outstanding profile and I thought the guy would be my perfect match. I was going to put the ball in the guys' court. Chivalry is huge for me, so if a guy puts in the effort, he'll get my attention. Once or twice a week I'd go in and check my inbox for emails. POF sends email notifications when users send you an email or add you as a favourite, so this would help me keep track.
Off I went. Stay tuned for my interesting, wild, wacky, not so great, fantastic and original online dating adventures. If nothing else, I'll have tons more material for my blog to keep you all thoroughly entertained! Lol
Dateless in Ottawa
Friday 30 March 2018
Tuesday 13 March 2018
Zoosk: Rethinking the whole paying for online dating services - DON'T!!!
You all know my stance when it comes to paying to find love, but after discussions with friends, most of them felt that I was being too narrow minded. In their opinions, paying for services would provide one with better quality services. If someone was going to invest money in finding their significant other, this would imply they were more serious and willing to put their best foot forward. At the end of the day who wants to throw money away stupidly? Their arguments made sense. Maybe I needed to rethink and give a paying site a shot. What did I have to lose? Money obviously, but I am worth it and who knows maybe things will be different.
The next question was, what site? Options are endless, but I decided to stay away from ones I had previously had paid memberships on. This time there would be no Match or eHarmony. After several google searches, Zoosk seemed to keep coming up as a highly rated site. In the past they didn't charge, but now there was a membership fee to fully use their services.
The ensuing barrage of emails was beyond overwhelming. There was no rhyme or reason to the emails. I couldn't figure out a schedule or system, there was no consistency. I couldn't find anywhere to change settings or limit emails. Zoosk sends an email every time someone views your profile, to advise you that a member wants to meet you, with lists of members they think you might be interested in, lists of smartpicks, dating tips, encouraging you to sign up, to advise you a member has sent you an email and the list goes on an on..... I find it way too much. My inbox fills constantly and most of it is junk. Managing your inbox becomes a full-time job!
On other sites they send you a weekly email with a list of matches. On Zoosk you could get one daily, every second day, every third, two the same day.....OMG no consistency. Do I care when someone views my profile? NO. I want them to contact me because they liked what they read and want to get to know me.
Anyways, I left the profile up for about a month and didn't subscribe. At the end of the month, I had a notification that there were 46 emails in my inbox an 16 greetings. This seemed impressive. Maybe this site was different and my profile was getting more attention due to a broader audience? Better quality candidates? One could only assume, so I finally broke down and decided to subscribe.
First off, when you complete the form a message pops up advising there's a one-time registration fee. Wait a second!!! Funny how this wasn't mentioned anywhere previously. This pissed me off so I deleted everything. Registration fee for what? It made no sense. $75.00 now became $100.00. It's not significant, but really? To a single mom it can make a huge difference.
Oh well, I told myself I deserved to find happiness and I was well worth $100.00. It was my turn to do something for myself. Off I went, signed up and paid. Immediately I noticed all the phone numbers and customer service contact info that was forever present, disappeared. Suddenly a message appeared stating that all fees were non-refundable. This didn't give me a warm and fuzzy feeling.
I immediately logged in to check my inbox. OMG I was so pissed off. There weren't 46 emails in my inbox. The ones that were there were system generated emails when members had liked my picture, very similar to the meet me feature on Plenty of Fish. There were about 20 of these. The so called greetings, are when members click on "meet you", so once again they are all system generated. What a huge let down. I immediately tried to contact customer service to cancel the membership. This was beyond dishonest and misleading. Talk about playing on people's emotions, lying and ultimately ripping them off.
Given my experience with online dating to date and all the stats on how 80% or more of members are dishonest, the last thing I need is for the site itself to further add insult and injury to it's unsuspecting members. They promise they have your best interests at heart, they are there to help you find your soul mate, a state of the art matching system and quality members. Yeah right, I should've stuck to my original stance. Low and behold I couldn't find anyway of contacting customer service. Eventually I found a link, but after completing the feedback form I got an error message stating the message could not be sent! I was so mad. So now here I am stuck with this membership.
To date, I have yet to receive an email from a member. As if I'm not already getting too many emails, now I further get system generated emails to advise me of mutual matches, only 2 to date!
To anyone out there contemplating paying for online dating services, I say don't do it. At the end of the day these companies don't care about helping you finding love, it's all about the bottom line. They play with your emotions and make empty promises to get your money. There are a lucky few that may find love, but I don't believe these sites deserve the credit. After paying for my subscription and doing user searches, many of these guys are on POF and other free sites. So much for the theory that paying makes you more serious....NOT!
Once again, I highly discourage anyone from paying for online dating services. Use the free sites because it's the same people using all the sites and I don't believe any of these companies have a magic formula to help you find love. No matter how much you pay, no site can control whether or not its members are being honest and this has the greatest impact on the success of a relationship. I don't care how pretty they make the site look or how many members they claim to have, we all just need that one special person not millions. Don't be discouraged, chances are you'll have to meet upwards of 100 people before you might find the one. Take it in stride and have fun. Worry about today, don't plan too far in advance or over think.
Good luck, we certainly need it with members and the companies that claim to be there to help us all being dishonest. Dating was so much easier 20 years ago!
Dateless in Ottawa
The next question was, what site? Options are endless, but I decided to stay away from ones I had previously had paid memberships on. This time there would be no Match or eHarmony. After several google searches, Zoosk seemed to keep coming up as a highly rated site. In the past they didn't charge, but now there was a membership fee to fully use their services.
The ensuing barrage of emails was beyond overwhelming. There was no rhyme or reason to the emails. I couldn't figure out a schedule or system, there was no consistency. I couldn't find anywhere to change settings or limit emails. Zoosk sends an email every time someone views your profile, to advise you that a member wants to meet you, with lists of members they think you might be interested in, lists of smartpicks, dating tips, encouraging you to sign up, to advise you a member has sent you an email and the list goes on an on..... I find it way too much. My inbox fills constantly and most of it is junk. Managing your inbox becomes a full-time job!
On other sites they send you a weekly email with a list of matches. On Zoosk you could get one daily, every second day, every third, two the same day.....OMG no consistency. Do I care when someone views my profile? NO. I want them to contact me because they liked what they read and want to get to know me.
Anyways, I left the profile up for about a month and didn't subscribe. At the end of the month, I had a notification that there were 46 emails in my inbox an 16 greetings. This seemed impressive. Maybe this site was different and my profile was getting more attention due to a broader audience? Better quality candidates? One could only assume, so I finally broke down and decided to subscribe.
First off, when you complete the form a message pops up advising there's a one-time registration fee. Wait a second!!! Funny how this wasn't mentioned anywhere previously. This pissed me off so I deleted everything. Registration fee for what? It made no sense. $75.00 now became $100.00. It's not significant, but really? To a single mom it can make a huge difference.
Oh well, I told myself I deserved to find happiness and I was well worth $100.00. It was my turn to do something for myself. Off I went, signed up and paid. Immediately I noticed all the phone numbers and customer service contact info that was forever present, disappeared. Suddenly a message appeared stating that all fees were non-refundable. This didn't give me a warm and fuzzy feeling.
I immediately logged in to check my inbox. OMG I was so pissed off. There weren't 46 emails in my inbox. The ones that were there were system generated emails when members had liked my picture, very similar to the meet me feature on Plenty of Fish. There were about 20 of these. The so called greetings, are when members click on "meet you", so once again they are all system generated. What a huge let down. I immediately tried to contact customer service to cancel the membership. This was beyond dishonest and misleading. Talk about playing on people's emotions, lying and ultimately ripping them off.
Given my experience with online dating to date and all the stats on how 80% or more of members are dishonest, the last thing I need is for the site itself to further add insult and injury to it's unsuspecting members. They promise they have your best interests at heart, they are there to help you find your soul mate, a state of the art matching system and quality members. Yeah right, I should've stuck to my original stance. Low and behold I couldn't find anyway of contacting customer service. Eventually I found a link, but after completing the feedback form I got an error message stating the message could not be sent! I was so mad. So now here I am stuck with this membership.
To date, I have yet to receive an email from a member. As if I'm not already getting too many emails, now I further get system generated emails to advise me of mutual matches, only 2 to date!
To anyone out there contemplating paying for online dating services, I say don't do it. At the end of the day these companies don't care about helping you finding love, it's all about the bottom line. They play with your emotions and make empty promises to get your money. There are a lucky few that may find love, but I don't believe these sites deserve the credit. After paying for my subscription and doing user searches, many of these guys are on POF and other free sites. So much for the theory that paying makes you more serious....NOT!
Once again, I highly discourage anyone from paying for online dating services. Use the free sites because it's the same people using all the sites and I don't believe any of these companies have a magic formula to help you find love. No matter how much you pay, no site can control whether or not its members are being honest and this has the greatest impact on the success of a relationship. I don't care how pretty they make the site look or how many members they claim to have, we all just need that one special person not millions. Don't be discouraged, chances are you'll have to meet upwards of 100 people before you might find the one. Take it in stride and have fun. Worry about today, don't plan too far in advance or over think.
Good luck, we certainly need it with members and the companies that claim to be there to help us all being dishonest. Dating was so much easier 20 years ago!
Dateless in Ottawa
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