Do any of us know with 100% certainty what we want? Today I might think I want something long-term, but maybe next week I'll change my mind and decide I just want to date. Three months from now who knows? If the right person comes along, someone who was simply looking to date may decide they want a committment. It's not easy, but at the end of the day try to be as honest as possible on what your intentions are so you don't set unrealistic expectations or lead others on.
Depending on the site, there are numerous options for "Intent." Also several variations on the wording; "What I'm looking for", "Relationship goal", "Looking for" or "My long term goal", etc... Basically this defines the reason why you have a profile on an online dating site.
Options include:
1. Friends
- A couple of guys that wrote to me using this option were new in town and wanted to meet new people, create new friendships and simply get out and do activities.
- I also had a couple of women contact me stating the same. Weird to find an email in your inbox from a woman when you stated you were seeking a man, but it's all good.
- You'll also get men using this option when in reality what they really want is a "friends with benefits" arrangement. A+ for creative interpretation skills.
2. Hang out
- Funny, there used to be one called "Intimate Encounters". I think it's safe to assume it was renamed and this is the final product. To be blunt, this is for those simply looking for sex. Other adjectives could include hook-ups, one night stands...I think you get the picture!
3. Pen pal
- Don't see this one much anymore, but I say it should be reinstated given how many people email and text endlessly with no intention of meeting.
4. Casual dating/no commitment
- People looking for an activity partner with no strings attached. From my experience, usually also means they're looking for sex. Please see #2.
5. Dating/nothing serious
- I don't understand the difference between #'s 4 and 5. As far as I'm concerned they're one and the same. While you're at it, refer to #2. The only difference I can see is that the wording sounds more politically correct.
6. Short-term
- Always wondered what this one meant until a guy emailed. He was being temporarily transferred to Ottawa to work on a project for several months. He wanted to find someone to spend time with, but travelled extensively and never knew where he'd be sent next so was not interested in making long-term plans.
7. Long-term
- I've met many men who chose this category and very few were honest. In fact, the majority were also married! I think this is a popular one men choose because they assume this is what most women want, so they'll be more appealing when women scroll through profiles.
- This should be for those who are seriously looking for a long-term, exclusive and committed relationship.
8. Marriage
- Pretty much the same as #7, but with a heightened level of commitment.
- This person wants a long-term, exclusive and committed relationship with a forever element. For some, marriage is the ultimate commitment and they need to have that piece of paper.
I can come up with a few other great options, but I'll hold back. When you're not sure what you want, I recommend you stick with #5. You can update your profile at any time and as often as you want. Try to be considerate of others and be honest about your feelings.
Choose wisely and good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 28 February 2016
Tip and tricks when dating - stay safe! * updated
Given how dishonest people are, you don't want to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. For women it's a bit more about safety. Always better to be in familiar surroundings with an easy way out.
* A tip: When meeting for the first time, agree to meet in the parking lot. If the person that shows up doesn't look like their picture or you get a bad feeling, easier to excuse yourself or call them on it and leave. This way you're not stuck in an uncomfortable situation or run the risk of causing a scene if you already have a table.
As much as chivalry is huge for me, I don't accept offers to be picked up for the first couple of dates. When I was younger this was never an issue, you didn't think twice it's how it was done. Who doesn't feel special having someone pick them up and open the door for them? I love that! Until you get to know the person and you feel comfortable with them I strongly suggest you go in separate vehicles and meet at the chosen venue. If anything goes wrong, you can leave at any time. I met a guy who seemed great, we'd been out twice so I agreed to have him pick me up. From the beginning I had made it clear I was looking for something long term and wasn't going to rush into anything. I further added sex wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I needed to feel comfortable and get to know him first, he agreed. He was very respectful and polite, but all of a sudden Dr. Jekyll appeared. Who was this? He wasn't the same person. When I said no, he completely lost it. It was a horrible situation to be in, I truly didn't think I'd be able to get away. As terrified as I was, I held my ground. My Latina temper came in handy and after a long screaming match, he gave up. It was a close call.
Going to a man's house on the first date is also a HUGE No, No! Same applies to having him over at your place for a first, second or third date! Yes there are nice and respectful gentlemen out there, but there are also dishonest predators looking for sex who may not want to take no for an answer. Don't put yourself in a dangerous situation. Also keep in mind the message you're sending him. You may have all the best and most innocent of intentions, but a guy may interpret it in a completely different way. Sad that it's come to this. Being extremely naïve I've been caught with this one too. Stupid me thought, "He's so nice inviting me over for coffee." One minute we're having coffee the next minute he's naked! OMG are you kidding me? I'm no prude, but I found that completely inappropriate and unacceptable. You assume the best and give others the benefit of the doubt, but in this day and age that is not wise. This can even happen when you've been out a couple of times and feel comfortable with him. There are some really good actors out there, be careful and always trust your gut instinct. Don't feel guilty or like you own them anything. No means no!
I make it a habit to let several girl friends know when I have a date. I send them all the guy's info I have; phone number, picture, full name, address, time we're meeting and address of the venue. I've even taken down licence plate numbers and texted it to them from the venue. After all, you can never be too safe. Working closely with several law enforcement agencies, I'm shocked at the stories my colleagues share with me. Wait till they read my blog! Very sad that this has become the world we live in.
Be careful with how much information you share. A man doesn't need your full address at home or work or details about your daily routines at the very beginning. In the technology age we live in it's already quite easy to find people no matter how hard they try to hide, so don't offer up any more details than necessary. Think back to my story about Mr. Former Football Player, nothing more scary than knowing someone is following you around and knows where you live, even though you never gave him those details.
Keep in mind, some of the above applies to men too. There are women out there looking to take advantage of you and/or get whatever they can out of you. A close friend of mine had a horrible encounter with a woman. Next thing you know her "boyfriend" shows up demanding money. Scary world we live in. Another friend mentioned there are women online who are call girls that go out with you then all of a sudden slap you with a bill for the time they spent with you. Crazy!
Some may argue I'm being paranoid or going overboard, but after so many bad experiences and the stories you hear on the news, I refuse to put myself or my children at risk.
Final thoughts...Better to be safe than sorry!
Dateless in Ottawa
* A tip: When meeting for the first time, agree to meet in the parking lot. If the person that shows up doesn't look like their picture or you get a bad feeling, easier to excuse yourself or call them on it and leave. This way you're not stuck in an uncomfortable situation or run the risk of causing a scene if you already have a table.
As much as chivalry is huge for me, I don't accept offers to be picked up for the first couple of dates. When I was younger this was never an issue, you didn't think twice it's how it was done. Who doesn't feel special having someone pick them up and open the door for them? I love that! Until you get to know the person and you feel comfortable with them I strongly suggest you go in separate vehicles and meet at the chosen venue. If anything goes wrong, you can leave at any time. I met a guy who seemed great, we'd been out twice so I agreed to have him pick me up. From the beginning I had made it clear I was looking for something long term and wasn't going to rush into anything. I further added sex wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I needed to feel comfortable and get to know him first, he agreed. He was very respectful and polite, but all of a sudden Dr. Jekyll appeared. Who was this? He wasn't the same person. When I said no, he completely lost it. It was a horrible situation to be in, I truly didn't think I'd be able to get away. As terrified as I was, I held my ground. My Latina temper came in handy and after a long screaming match, he gave up. It was a close call.
Going to a man's house on the first date is also a HUGE No, No! Same applies to having him over at your place for a first, second or third date! Yes there are nice and respectful gentlemen out there, but there are also dishonest predators looking for sex who may not want to take no for an answer. Don't put yourself in a dangerous situation. Also keep in mind the message you're sending him. You may have all the best and most innocent of intentions, but a guy may interpret it in a completely different way. Sad that it's come to this. Being extremely naïve I've been caught with this one too. Stupid me thought, "He's so nice inviting me over for coffee." One minute we're having coffee the next minute he's naked! OMG are you kidding me? I'm no prude, but I found that completely inappropriate and unacceptable. You assume the best and give others the benefit of the doubt, but in this day and age that is not wise. This can even happen when you've been out a couple of times and feel comfortable with him. There are some really good actors out there, be careful and always trust your gut instinct. Don't feel guilty or like you own them anything. No means no!
I make it a habit to let several girl friends know when I have a date. I send them all the guy's info I have; phone number, picture, full name, address, time we're meeting and address of the venue. I've even taken down licence plate numbers and texted it to them from the venue. After all, you can never be too safe. Working closely with several law enforcement agencies, I'm shocked at the stories my colleagues share with me. Wait till they read my blog! Very sad that this has become the world we live in.
Be careful with how much information you share. A man doesn't need your full address at home or work or details about your daily routines at the very beginning. In the technology age we live in it's already quite easy to find people no matter how hard they try to hide, so don't offer up any more details than necessary. Think back to my story about Mr. Former Football Player, nothing more scary than knowing someone is following you around and knows where you live, even though you never gave him those details.
Keep in mind, some of the above applies to men too. There are women out there looking to take advantage of you and/or get whatever they can out of you. A close friend of mine had a horrible encounter with a woman. Next thing you know her "boyfriend" shows up demanding money. Scary world we live in. Another friend mentioned there are women online who are call girls that go out with you then all of a sudden slap you with a bill for the time they spent with you. Crazy!
Some may argue I'm being paranoid or going overboard, but after so many bad experiences and the stories you hear on the news, I refuse to put myself or my children at risk.
Final thoughts...Better to be safe than sorry!
Dateless in Ottawa
Saturday 27 February 2016
Dating Etiquette * updated
Nothing is a bigger turn off than a man complaining that dating is expensive when you're out on your first date. Are you kidding me? If you can't afford it, don't do it!
As far as dating etiquette goes, in my opinion, given how important chivalry is to me, yes I do believe a man should be the one to extend the first invitation and he should make the first move. This also means he should pay. I can hear many of you protesting loudly in disagreement, but for me this is how it should be. I'll further add, if a guy asks me out it's implied he's paying and if I ask him out it's implied I'm paying. I would never expect a man to pay every time. By the way, yes I have asked men out and paid. We all work and have our financial responsibilities so taking turns is a fair approach. This way you can also choose different venues you might not have thought of and experience new things. Like any relationship, it's give and take. As much as I love to be treated and spoiled, I like to treat and spoil my significant other too!
I'd love to get some feedback on the comments above. Some will argue that both parties should go Dutch on a first date. How do you communicate this? Can you imagine? How would you react if a potential suitor said one of the following?
1. "Let's meet for dinner, but we'll ask for separate cheques?"
2. "We can meet for dinner, but you have to pay for your own."
3. "My policy is we go Dutch on the first date, what would you like to do?"
* Hot off the press: there is currently a survey being conducted asking women if they would be willing to go Dutch on a first date. Preliminary results show that 66.67% of women say they would not. (see: http://deesdatingdiary.com/2016/02/27/would-you-go-dutch-on-a-first-date/) There you have it guys!
And here's the male perspective. Guess what guys? You're still on the hook! (see: http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/who-pays-for-the-first-date/)
Keep in mind ladies and gentlemen, this is all within reasonable limits. It also doesn't mean a woman should never pay.
For me there's nothing more awkward and embarrassing than sitting at a restaurant splitting a bill. Really? When out with my friends we've always either taken turns picking up the tab or telling the server from the beginning we need separate bills. Pulling out a calculator and nickel and diming is ridiculous! My parents and their friends were the same. Ultimately the onus falls to the individual extending the invitation. No one expects to pay for their dinner when they are invited to a friend's house to eat, in my mind this is no different.
For those that claim dating is expensive, there are many no cost or low cost options. At the end of the day if you're the one asking a lady out you can pick where you want to go so if you pick a lobster and seafood restaurant to show off, then it's your own fault so suck it up and pay the bill.
Some low cost first meeting or first date options:
1. As old and boring as this may be, there's always Tim Hortons. You don't know who's going to show up and whether or not you'll click so this is a quick inexpensive option. If all goes well you can certainly upgrade and go on to another activity later. If it goes badly you say goodbye and there's no expensive or lengthy commitment. The cost of a small coffee is approximately $2.00 so a whopping $4.00 shouldn't set you back too much! If you think it will, you shouldn't be dating. By the way, nothing is life is free so it shouldn't come as a surprise that we have to spend money sometimes.
For those that don't like Timmy's, you can go to Second Cup, Timothy's, Starbucks or Bridgehead. Lots to choose from, you decide what's acceptable to you and your wallet!
2. Lake Leamy, Britannia Beach, Mooney's Bay, etc. On a beautiful sunny day, there's nothing better than getting out and enjoying the sunshine. For those who like the sun and sand, the beach is a great place to meet for the first time. You can pack a blanket, a couple of bottles of water and some snacks - doesn't have to be anything fancy. Then sit and talk, play volleyball or walk along the beach and get to know each other. If you buy a case of 24 bottles of water on sale at Shopper's that will run you about $3.00 and you only need to bring 2 bottles. For snacks you can bring fruit or cookies. I figure another $6.00 if you have to buy some. I always have all kinds of snacks for the kids lunches, so again the cost is minimal. Be creative!
3. Go for a walk along the river, Dows Lake or the Experimental Farm. You meet and walk around and if everything is going well you have many options. Grab a drink at one of the restaurants at Dow's Lake, go down Preston Street for some gelato, grab a coffee and a pastry or go somewhere else. Walks are free, what and if you choose to do something afterwards is up to both of you to decide.
4. Make it fun and agree to meet to exchange online dating stories. The one with the best story gets treated to drinks or dinner by the other person. You may think this is unfair because women usually have the worst experiences and beat men hands down, but believe it or not I lost to a guy! I thought for sure I'd have the best story with my extensive collection, but his blew mine out of the water. Actually I felt so bad for him I offered to pay for our next 2 dates to make it up to him! Once again, you are choosing the venue jointly so you should have an idea of what the cost will be and come prepared.
5. Go to a gallery or a museum. Certain days and nights during the week admission is free so you can walk around and share common interests on a subject you both enjoy. Usually they will have a small cafeteria so you can grab a drink or bite afterwards. At the National Art Gallery you get an amazing view of the Parliament Buildings and the Ottawa River while sitting in the café.
6. Go skating on the canal. Again it's free and afterwards if you want to splurge you can grab a beaver tail and a hot chocolate, if that's too expensive for you then just the hot chocolate!
7. At any given time there are festivals, shows and concerts going on. Some are free and advertised in local/news papers, on TV, at shopping malls or on the radio. Do a Google search!
8. A DQ soft serve cone won't set you back a fortune. You can then sit and talk or go for a walk.
The options are endless and minimal effort is required. Some people have annual memberships to certain venues that allow you to bring a guest for free. You can buy a Groupon for pool, mini-golf, dining experiences and a variety of activities at a minimal cost. Frankly, the sky's the limit so stop your whining and be creative. It's not every woman that expects you to wine and dine her at the Chateau Laurier on your first date!
I get it, many of us have been burned and/or taken advantage of. Male friends have told me horror stories. One friend suggested a woman meet him for a drink. They meet and she orders a bottle of wine and no it wasn't a cheap one, he almost fell off his chair when the bill came. Another friend met a woman at a pub she suggested. Apparently she was a regular there and had instructed the staff to keep her drinks coming. Thankfully my friend was smart and as soon as the second drink arrived, he told the waiter he would only be paying for the first round. Any additional drinks she ordered would have to be put on her tab. She got angry and told him he had to pay the bill. He said no, the agreement was to meet for a drink. It was obvious this wasn't going to work out so he ended the date, paid for the first round and left. These are people out to take advantage. I've heard all kinds of stories of women taking advantage over dinner and drinks. This gives us all a bad name and I'm embarrassed when I hear about women behaving this way. Ladies, be considerate and demonstrate some class.
Men can be just as bad. Anyone ever get the, "Sorry, I forgot my wallet" story when the bill arrives? Unreal. I paid for my food and told him he'd have to figure out how to pay for his and left. Interesting how all of a sudden he had cash on him. Makes you wonder how many times he's pulled that trick on other women and succeeded.
If a guy says, "Let's meet for a drink", to me that means I will be ordering one drink and one drink only; not a bottle of wine and not 15 year old scotch. Chances are I'm driving so I wouldn't drink more than that anyways. I make every effort to be appreciative and respectful and expect the same in return.
Men, don't go on and on about how expensive dating is when you asked me out and chose the venue. If you think I'm going to feel sorry for you and offer to pay the bill or even half, not happening. By the way, this is a major turn off. Cheapness is not a positive trait in my book. On the other hand, if you behave like an asshole I will ask the waiter/waitress for my bill, pay and leave. This way you won't feel like I "owe" you anything. That's the sad part about some men. Even if all they buy you is a $2.00 coffee, all of a sudden you owe them and that usually translates into sex. Think again! If you had to pay me for sex I can assure you it would cost you a hell of a lot more than $2.00. In fact if you think dating is expensive, you can't afford me!
I'm far from perfect so will admit there was one time when I ordered far more than I ever do. It was when I went for dinner with Mr. Law Enforcement Officer. Him showing up with the wedding band on had me seeing red, so ensuring the total bill was a bit higher by ordering an appetizer and dessert was my way of punishing him. I'm not proud, but what's done is done. Keep in mind gentlemen that, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Just sayin!
Food for thought, enjoy!
Dateless in Ottawa
As far as dating etiquette goes, in my opinion, given how important chivalry is to me, yes I do believe a man should be the one to extend the first invitation and he should make the first move. This also means he should pay. I can hear many of you protesting loudly in disagreement, but for me this is how it should be. I'll further add, if a guy asks me out it's implied he's paying and if I ask him out it's implied I'm paying. I would never expect a man to pay every time. By the way, yes I have asked men out and paid. We all work and have our financial responsibilities so taking turns is a fair approach. This way you can also choose different venues you might not have thought of and experience new things. Like any relationship, it's give and take. As much as I love to be treated and spoiled, I like to treat and spoil my significant other too!
I'd love to get some feedback on the comments above. Some will argue that both parties should go Dutch on a first date. How do you communicate this? Can you imagine? How would you react if a potential suitor said one of the following?
1. "Let's meet for dinner, but we'll ask for separate cheques?"
2. "We can meet for dinner, but you have to pay for your own."
3. "My policy is we go Dutch on the first date, what would you like to do?"
* Hot off the press: there is currently a survey being conducted asking women if they would be willing to go Dutch on a first date. Preliminary results show that 66.67% of women say they would not. (see: http://deesdatingdiary.com/2016/02/27/would-you-go-dutch-on-a-first-date/) There you have it guys!
And here's the male perspective. Guess what guys? You're still on the hook! (see: http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/who-pays-for-the-first-date/)
Keep in mind ladies and gentlemen, this is all within reasonable limits. It also doesn't mean a woman should never pay.
For me there's nothing more awkward and embarrassing than sitting at a restaurant splitting a bill. Really? When out with my friends we've always either taken turns picking up the tab or telling the server from the beginning we need separate bills. Pulling out a calculator and nickel and diming is ridiculous! My parents and their friends were the same. Ultimately the onus falls to the individual extending the invitation. No one expects to pay for their dinner when they are invited to a friend's house to eat, in my mind this is no different.
For those that claim dating is expensive, there are many no cost or low cost options. At the end of the day if you're the one asking a lady out you can pick where you want to go so if you pick a lobster and seafood restaurant to show off, then it's your own fault so suck it up and pay the bill.
Some low cost first meeting or first date options:
1. As old and boring as this may be, there's always Tim Hortons. You don't know who's going to show up and whether or not you'll click so this is a quick inexpensive option. If all goes well you can certainly upgrade and go on to another activity later. If it goes badly you say goodbye and there's no expensive or lengthy commitment. The cost of a small coffee is approximately $2.00 so a whopping $4.00 shouldn't set you back too much! If you think it will, you shouldn't be dating. By the way, nothing is life is free so it shouldn't come as a surprise that we have to spend money sometimes.
For those that don't like Timmy's, you can go to Second Cup, Timothy's, Starbucks or Bridgehead. Lots to choose from, you decide what's acceptable to you and your wallet!
2. Lake Leamy, Britannia Beach, Mooney's Bay, etc. On a beautiful sunny day, there's nothing better than getting out and enjoying the sunshine. For those who like the sun and sand, the beach is a great place to meet for the first time. You can pack a blanket, a couple of bottles of water and some snacks - doesn't have to be anything fancy. Then sit and talk, play volleyball or walk along the beach and get to know each other. If you buy a case of 24 bottles of water on sale at Shopper's that will run you about $3.00 and you only need to bring 2 bottles. For snacks you can bring fruit or cookies. I figure another $6.00 if you have to buy some. I always have all kinds of snacks for the kids lunches, so again the cost is minimal. Be creative!
3. Go for a walk along the river, Dows Lake or the Experimental Farm. You meet and walk around and if everything is going well you have many options. Grab a drink at one of the restaurants at Dow's Lake, go down Preston Street for some gelato, grab a coffee and a pastry or go somewhere else. Walks are free, what and if you choose to do something afterwards is up to both of you to decide.
4. Make it fun and agree to meet to exchange online dating stories. The one with the best story gets treated to drinks or dinner by the other person. You may think this is unfair because women usually have the worst experiences and beat men hands down, but believe it or not I lost to a guy! I thought for sure I'd have the best story with my extensive collection, but his blew mine out of the water. Actually I felt so bad for him I offered to pay for our next 2 dates to make it up to him! Once again, you are choosing the venue jointly so you should have an idea of what the cost will be and come prepared.
5. Go to a gallery or a museum. Certain days and nights during the week admission is free so you can walk around and share common interests on a subject you both enjoy. Usually they will have a small cafeteria so you can grab a drink or bite afterwards. At the National Art Gallery you get an amazing view of the Parliament Buildings and the Ottawa River while sitting in the café.
6. Go skating on the canal. Again it's free and afterwards if you want to splurge you can grab a beaver tail and a hot chocolate, if that's too expensive for you then just the hot chocolate!
7. At any given time there are festivals, shows and concerts going on. Some are free and advertised in local/news papers, on TV, at shopping malls or on the radio. Do a Google search!
8. A DQ soft serve cone won't set you back a fortune. You can then sit and talk or go for a walk.
The options are endless and minimal effort is required. Some people have annual memberships to certain venues that allow you to bring a guest for free. You can buy a Groupon for pool, mini-golf, dining experiences and a variety of activities at a minimal cost. Frankly, the sky's the limit so stop your whining and be creative. It's not every woman that expects you to wine and dine her at the Chateau Laurier on your first date!
I get it, many of us have been burned and/or taken advantage of. Male friends have told me horror stories. One friend suggested a woman meet him for a drink. They meet and she orders a bottle of wine and no it wasn't a cheap one, he almost fell off his chair when the bill came. Another friend met a woman at a pub she suggested. Apparently she was a regular there and had instructed the staff to keep her drinks coming. Thankfully my friend was smart and as soon as the second drink arrived, he told the waiter he would only be paying for the first round. Any additional drinks she ordered would have to be put on her tab. She got angry and told him he had to pay the bill. He said no, the agreement was to meet for a drink. It was obvious this wasn't going to work out so he ended the date, paid for the first round and left. These are people out to take advantage. I've heard all kinds of stories of women taking advantage over dinner and drinks. This gives us all a bad name and I'm embarrassed when I hear about women behaving this way. Ladies, be considerate and demonstrate some class.
Men can be just as bad. Anyone ever get the, "Sorry, I forgot my wallet" story when the bill arrives? Unreal. I paid for my food and told him he'd have to figure out how to pay for his and left. Interesting how all of a sudden he had cash on him. Makes you wonder how many times he's pulled that trick on other women and succeeded.
If a guy says, "Let's meet for a drink", to me that means I will be ordering one drink and one drink only; not a bottle of wine and not 15 year old scotch. Chances are I'm driving so I wouldn't drink more than that anyways. I make every effort to be appreciative and respectful and expect the same in return.
Men, don't go on and on about how expensive dating is when you asked me out and chose the venue. If you think I'm going to feel sorry for you and offer to pay the bill or even half, not happening. By the way, this is a major turn off. Cheapness is not a positive trait in my book. On the other hand, if you behave like an asshole I will ask the waiter/waitress for my bill, pay and leave. This way you won't feel like I "owe" you anything. That's the sad part about some men. Even if all they buy you is a $2.00 coffee, all of a sudden you owe them and that usually translates into sex. Think again! If you had to pay me for sex I can assure you it would cost you a hell of a lot more than $2.00. In fact if you think dating is expensive, you can't afford me!
I'm far from perfect so will admit there was one time when I ordered far more than I ever do. It was when I went for dinner with Mr. Law Enforcement Officer. Him showing up with the wedding band on had me seeing red, so ensuring the total bill was a bit higher by ordering an appetizer and dessert was my way of punishing him. I'm not proud, but what's done is done. Keep in mind gentlemen that, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Just sayin!
Food for thought, enjoy!
Dateless in Ottawa
I didn't realize how many more components there were!
It's amazing how much information is provided on an online profile when you sit down and dissect it line by line. Amazing how much effort goes into creating a profile. I advocate being honest, but be careful about providing too many details that could land you in trouble. Other ones that can have some interesting answers include:
1. Do you drink?
- Most sites have a drop down menu where you pick yes or no, but others add more options like, socially, occasionally, regularly, often and more than 3 times per day.
Almost fell of my chair when one guy's profile said more than 3 times per day and under "About Me" he wrote he drank excessive amounts of hard alcohol daily. At least he was being honest!
2. Do you do drugs?
- Another one where you can pick yes or no and in some cases often!
A friend told me he came across a profile where a woman had chosen often then under "About Me" she listed all the various drugs she took. Everything from prescription meds to recreational drugs! He said the list had over 20 different ones. Talk about having an arsenal of drugs! A+ for honesty, but I'm not sure it's a good idea to be that detailed on your profile. She shouldn't be surprised if she gets a visit from the police. I can tell you with certainty that I'll delete any communications from men that do drugs. Not my cup of tea, but to each his own.
Next we go back to the topic of children.
3. Do you want children?
- Most individuals go with a yes or no answer, but some times you can also choose undecided or prefer not to say.
From my experience, the guys that chose prefer not to say have had a vasectomy. When I asked one of them why he didn't just pick no since he couldn't have any more children, he responded, "Because women that want children won't date me if I say no." Hello!!! Don't you think this is going to come up in a conversation? If a woman truly wants children, you're going to get dumped.
Sadly with this category at times one can feel damned if they do and damned if they don't. The answers can be interpreted very differently:
a) Yes
- For some this means they absolutely want to have children and they are looking for someone that wants the same thing.
- For others they may already have children, but want more.
- Some may take this to mean they would accept a mate with children and accept his/her children as their own.
In a case where I could only choose between yes or no, I would have to pick yes. Personally, I now have 4 children and don't plan on having more even though I originally wanted 6. I started late and now I'm single. Being traditional, no sperm banks for me! On the other hand, if I met someone who had never had children and really wanted one, the option is still there.
I also take it to mean that I would accept a mate's children and treat them as my own.
Amazing how many men go running for the hills when they learn I have 4 children and I chose yes under this category. One should never make assumptions. When in doubt ask for clarification! For me it's about being flexible and keeping your options open.
b) No
- This usually means the person is 100% sure they do not want children.
- Some have kids and don't want any more.
- Others may already have children and choose this because they are not interested in assuming a parent role to someone else's children.
c) Undecided
If "Undecided" is an option, it's probably the best choice. It leaves you open and flexible. When the time comes you can discuss where you stand on the subject and go from there.
d) Prefer not to say
Not sure why this should be a secret. We're all entitled to our opinion. This makes you sound a bit too evasive for my taste. As we're taught in school, when it doubt pick "c".
Caution: Don't assume you can change a person's mind, especially when it comes to having children. It's not for everyone, it's a very personal decision. Respect the other person's wishes and don't impose your needs/wants on them when they have clearly stated their preference.
Also, practice safe sex!
I think it's time for another topic.
Dateless in Ottawa
1. Do you drink?
- Most sites have a drop down menu where you pick yes or no, but others add more options like, socially, occasionally, regularly, often and more than 3 times per day.
Almost fell of my chair when one guy's profile said more than 3 times per day and under "About Me" he wrote he drank excessive amounts of hard alcohol daily. At least he was being honest!
2. Do you do drugs?
- Another one where you can pick yes or no and in some cases often!
A friend told me he came across a profile where a woman had chosen often then under "About Me" she listed all the various drugs she took. Everything from prescription meds to recreational drugs! He said the list had over 20 different ones. Talk about having an arsenal of drugs! A+ for honesty, but I'm not sure it's a good idea to be that detailed on your profile. She shouldn't be surprised if she gets a visit from the police. I can tell you with certainty that I'll delete any communications from men that do drugs. Not my cup of tea, but to each his own.
Next we go back to the topic of children.
3. Do you want children?
- Most individuals go with a yes or no answer, but some times you can also choose undecided or prefer not to say.
From my experience, the guys that chose prefer not to say have had a vasectomy. When I asked one of them why he didn't just pick no since he couldn't have any more children, he responded, "Because women that want children won't date me if I say no." Hello!!! Don't you think this is going to come up in a conversation? If a woman truly wants children, you're going to get dumped.
Sadly with this category at times one can feel damned if they do and damned if they don't. The answers can be interpreted very differently:
a) Yes
- For some this means they absolutely want to have children and they are looking for someone that wants the same thing.
- For others they may already have children, but want more.
- Some may take this to mean they would accept a mate with children and accept his/her children as their own.
In a case where I could only choose between yes or no, I would have to pick yes. Personally, I now have 4 children and don't plan on having more even though I originally wanted 6. I started late and now I'm single. Being traditional, no sperm banks for me! On the other hand, if I met someone who had never had children and really wanted one, the option is still there.
I also take it to mean that I would accept a mate's children and treat them as my own.
Amazing how many men go running for the hills when they learn I have 4 children and I chose yes under this category. One should never make assumptions. When in doubt ask for clarification! For me it's about being flexible and keeping your options open.
b) No
- This usually means the person is 100% sure they do not want children.
- Some have kids and don't want any more.
- Others may already have children and choose this because they are not interested in assuming a parent role to someone else's children.
c) Undecided
If "Undecided" is an option, it's probably the best choice. It leaves you open and flexible. When the time comes you can discuss where you stand on the subject and go from there.
d) Prefer not to say
Not sure why this should be a secret. We're all entitled to our opinion. This makes you sound a bit too evasive for my taste. As we're taught in school, when it doubt pick "c".
Caution: Don't assume you can change a person's mind, especially when it comes to having children. It's not for everyone, it's a very personal decision. Respect the other person's wishes and don't impose your needs/wants on them when they have clearly stated their preference.
Also, practice safe sex!
I think it's time for another topic.
Dateless in Ottawa
Friday 26 February 2016
Even more profile components!
Next are a collection of components that simply require a yes or no response. Should be easy and straight forward, but still people find it necessary to lie. Some sites further give you the option of responding with "prefer not to say". I don't get it. I'm all for mystery and intrigue, but it gives the impression you have something to hide. Just be honest because sooner or later the truth will come out! By the same token, none of us are perfect. We do make mistakes or miss details that we can easily explain away when the topic comes up.
4. Do you have a car?
On the surface this sounds like an easy straight forward question. I would be of the opinion that most people know what a car is. Either you have one, or you don't. This could be considered a luxury item and certainly isn't for everyone. It is a personal decision that each person makes.
- For those that don't know what a car is, other nouns that mean the same thing include but are not limited to automobile, vehicle, truck, SUV, etc. Usually it will have 4 wheels and require some form of fuel or power source to function. One could argue that a motorcycle also falls within this category.
- I've met a few men that responded yes to having a car on their profile, when in actual fact they did not. Using public transportation does not qualify as having a car.
- One argument I've heard a couple of times is, "Women won't date a guy that doesn't have a car, they are too materialistic." If a person is materialistic, are they really the type of person you want to date? Probably not, so you're wasting your time and theirs with your lie because as soon as they find out you don't have a car they will probably dump you regardless of how charming you might be. Others will dump you simply because you lied.
- From my experience, when a man chooses "prefer not to say" he totally doesn't have a car.
5. Do you have a pet?
Another easy one. Although I will admit that I once forgot to go in and update my profile. Grandpa decided the kids should have a cat and gave it to them without consulting with Mom first. Needless to say Mom has a mild allergy, but decided not to be the bad guy and let the kids keep it. At the time I created my profile, we only had a fish so that was all that was listed. Never thought to go in and change it until I met a really nice guy who was deathly allergic to cats. I felt horrible. Needless to say I made that update right quick! In an age where so many people have allergies, it is very important to ensure the information provided about pets is accurate.
6. Do you have children?
Unless you suffer from amnesia or you're a regular sperm donor, you should know whether or not you have children and how many you have. It is possible you have children you don't know exist, but these cases are somewhat rare unless you're a soap opera star. Amazing how many children keep coming out of the wood work over the years! Whether you are talking to and/or seeing them or not, your children exist and I find it very offensive that someone would lie. Blame it on my being a Mom and seeing my children as my greatest accomplishment, but lying is lying no matter how you look at it.
One guy said he didn't have children, then during a conversation he went on and on about his daughter. When I asked him why he claimed not to have children on his profile, his response was, "She lives with her Mom so it doesn't count." OMG, are you serious? So, if you ask a pregnant woman if she's having a baby the answer should be no because she hasn't had it yet???
- When men choose "prefer not to say", it usually means they have children. Eventually you're going to meet the person you're communicating with and the conversation will come up so just be honest from the start!
7. Are you employed?
As previously discussed in another post, this seems to cause a lot of confusion. When in doubt, please refer to my post entitled "Time to reflect" under point 5 - employment status. You can also look up the definition of employed in the dictionary or Google it!
Then again if you're independently wealthy, I suppose you could argue you are in a sense employed as you're probably investing your money and earning interest. Yes I know, a bit of a stretch but I'm trying to provide some flexibility to the interpretation.
I think that covers all the components under the yes, no and prefer not to say category. If I think of anything else, I'll do an update.
Good night!
Dateless in Ottawa
4. Do you have a car?
On the surface this sounds like an easy straight forward question. I would be of the opinion that most people know what a car is. Either you have one, or you don't. This could be considered a luxury item and certainly isn't for everyone. It is a personal decision that each person makes.
- For those that don't know what a car is, other nouns that mean the same thing include but are not limited to automobile, vehicle, truck, SUV, etc. Usually it will have 4 wheels and require some form of fuel or power source to function. One could argue that a motorcycle also falls within this category.
- I've met a few men that responded yes to having a car on their profile, when in actual fact they did not. Using public transportation does not qualify as having a car.
- One argument I've heard a couple of times is, "Women won't date a guy that doesn't have a car, they are too materialistic." If a person is materialistic, are they really the type of person you want to date? Probably not, so you're wasting your time and theirs with your lie because as soon as they find out you don't have a car they will probably dump you regardless of how charming you might be. Others will dump you simply because you lied.
- From my experience, when a man chooses "prefer not to say" he totally doesn't have a car.
5. Do you have a pet?
Another easy one. Although I will admit that I once forgot to go in and update my profile. Grandpa decided the kids should have a cat and gave it to them without consulting with Mom first. Needless to say Mom has a mild allergy, but decided not to be the bad guy and let the kids keep it. At the time I created my profile, we only had a fish so that was all that was listed. Never thought to go in and change it until I met a really nice guy who was deathly allergic to cats. I felt horrible. Needless to say I made that update right quick! In an age where so many people have allergies, it is very important to ensure the information provided about pets is accurate.
6. Do you have children?
Unless you suffer from amnesia or you're a regular sperm donor, you should know whether or not you have children and how many you have. It is possible you have children you don't know exist, but these cases are somewhat rare unless you're a soap opera star. Amazing how many children keep coming out of the wood work over the years! Whether you are talking to and/or seeing them or not, your children exist and I find it very offensive that someone would lie. Blame it on my being a Mom and seeing my children as my greatest accomplishment, but lying is lying no matter how you look at it.
One guy said he didn't have children, then during a conversation he went on and on about his daughter. When I asked him why he claimed not to have children on his profile, his response was, "She lives with her Mom so it doesn't count." OMG, are you serious? So, if you ask a pregnant woman if she's having a baby the answer should be no because she hasn't had it yet???
- When men choose "prefer not to say", it usually means they have children. Eventually you're going to meet the person you're communicating with and the conversation will come up so just be honest from the start!
7. Are you employed?
As previously discussed in another post, this seems to cause a lot of confusion. When in doubt, please refer to my post entitled "Time to reflect" under point 5 - employment status. You can also look up the definition of employed in the dictionary or Google it!
Then again if you're independently wealthy, I suppose you could argue you are in a sense employed as you're probably investing your money and earning interest. Yes I know, a bit of a stretch but I'm trying to provide some flexibility to the interpretation.
I think that covers all the components under the yes, no and prefer not to say category. If I think of anything else, I'll do an update.
Good night!
Dateless in Ottawa
Thursday 25 February 2016
Profile components continued...
One of the most interesting components on a profile is "Status". I'm surprised at how many categories they have. Depending on the online dating site you are using, they may vary slightly.
3. Status
a) Single - this one makes sense and it's logical. We're on a dating site looking for someone so it stands to reason you should be single. This of course means you are not married or in any way attached, contrary to what some may believe. Single is pretty straight forward if you look up the definition. Not sure how a man would get confused and pick this by mistake.
b) Married - this one doesn't make sense to me. If you're already in a relationship you don't belong on a dating site. Kudos to the men who at the very least are honest and admit to being married. More admirable than their lying counterparts who pretend to be single or divorced or worse - widowed. Leave your wife and sort out your life before you mess up someone else's. Funny how a wife will track down the woman her husband is cheating with and accuse her of being a home wrecker. Really? I guess the fact that your husband is a lying cheat isn't relevant. Nice to have someone else to blame, isn't it?
c) Living Together - for me this one belongs under the same category as married. Living common-law or married is one and the same to me and legally as well, depending on what province you live in. If you're living with someone and unhappy, move on before throwing another person into the mix. Wait let me guess, you need to find someone to give you an excuse to leave? Or better yet, you're stuck in a lease together and the landlord won't let you sublet and you can't afford to pay for 2 places? Please spare me I've heard it all. Resolve your past and then move on. And no, I think most women would agree they are not looking for a three-some.
d) Divorced - they should add a note that this means legally divorced and not based on how pissed off you are at your wife or your personal interpretation of what divorced means. If you're not happy and it's over, why are you still there? Chances are if you haven't left your wife already, you won't. You're simply looking for sex and having fun. Sadly the women you lie to and use wind up getting hurt.
e) Widowed - means you were married, but sadly your spouse passed away. Unfortunately this is my category. My husband passed away almost 3 years ago. Being widowed qualifies you as being single and available. Healing takes time, don't rush.
Absolutely horrible when people lie about being widowed. You have no class and severely lack scruples. Are you looking for sympathy? Is that how you think you'll find a woman? This is lower than low. Reminds me of another story, I'll have to go back and add it to Round 11!
f) Separated - from my experience, this means very married and screwing around. Again, they should add a note that this means legally separated only! Please see #'s 2, 3 and 4 above.
And I saved the best for last!
g) Not Single, Not Looking - forgive me, but WTF? Let's re-interpret this one. So let me get this straight, you're not single which means your married and you're not looking, but you have a profile on an online dating site? Can you please explain this? I'm sure many people out there would greatly appreciate some clarification on this one. It's beyond contradictory and makes absolutely no sense to me. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you're not looking you shouldn't be anywhere near an online dating site. Who the heck came up with this category and what kind of a man or woman would choose it? I look forward to getting feedback on this one. I could be totally wrong in my interpretation and will gladly apologize if I am.
Personally I think there should only be 3 categories: Single, Divorced or Widowed. Just my two cents.
Sorry, gotta go add a story about Mr. Widowed to Round 11. Enjoy!
Dateless in Ottawa
3. Status
a) Single - this one makes sense and it's logical. We're on a dating site looking for someone so it stands to reason you should be single. This of course means you are not married or in any way attached, contrary to what some may believe. Single is pretty straight forward if you look up the definition. Not sure how a man would get confused and pick this by mistake.
b) Married - this one doesn't make sense to me. If you're already in a relationship you don't belong on a dating site. Kudos to the men who at the very least are honest and admit to being married. More admirable than their lying counterparts who pretend to be single or divorced or worse - widowed. Leave your wife and sort out your life before you mess up someone else's. Funny how a wife will track down the woman her husband is cheating with and accuse her of being a home wrecker. Really? I guess the fact that your husband is a lying cheat isn't relevant. Nice to have someone else to blame, isn't it?
c) Living Together - for me this one belongs under the same category as married. Living common-law or married is one and the same to me and legally as well, depending on what province you live in. If you're living with someone and unhappy, move on before throwing another person into the mix. Wait let me guess, you need to find someone to give you an excuse to leave? Or better yet, you're stuck in a lease together and the landlord won't let you sublet and you can't afford to pay for 2 places? Please spare me I've heard it all. Resolve your past and then move on. And no, I think most women would agree they are not looking for a three-some.
d) Divorced - they should add a note that this means legally divorced and not based on how pissed off you are at your wife or your personal interpretation of what divorced means. If you're not happy and it's over, why are you still there? Chances are if you haven't left your wife already, you won't. You're simply looking for sex and having fun. Sadly the women you lie to and use wind up getting hurt.
e) Widowed - means you were married, but sadly your spouse passed away. Unfortunately this is my category. My husband passed away almost 3 years ago. Being widowed qualifies you as being single and available. Healing takes time, don't rush.
Absolutely horrible when people lie about being widowed. You have no class and severely lack scruples. Are you looking for sympathy? Is that how you think you'll find a woman? This is lower than low. Reminds me of another story, I'll have to go back and add it to Round 11!
f) Separated - from my experience, this means very married and screwing around. Again, they should add a note that this means legally separated only! Please see #'s 2, 3 and 4 above.
And I saved the best for last!
g) Not Single, Not Looking - forgive me, but WTF? Let's re-interpret this one. So let me get this straight, you're not single which means your married and you're not looking, but you have a profile on an online dating site? Can you please explain this? I'm sure many people out there would greatly appreciate some clarification on this one. It's beyond contradictory and makes absolutely no sense to me. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if you're not looking you shouldn't be anywhere near an online dating site. Who the heck came up with this category and what kind of a man or woman would choose it? I look forward to getting feedback on this one. I could be totally wrong in my interpretation and will gladly apologize if I am.
Personally I think there should only be 3 categories: Single, Divorced or Widowed. Just my two cents.
Sorry, gotta go add a story about Mr. Widowed to Round 11. Enjoy!
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday 24 February 2016
Other profile components - How to fill them out
Ok, so I already discussed profile pictures. Time to discuss other components you need to fill out when creating an online dating profile.
1. Height
This should be straight forward. For those who are unsure about their height, you can pull out a measuring tape (should be easy for most guys, they usually have one kicking around) or ask your doctor. Why do guys have to lie about their height? Do you think a woman isn't going to notice?
When a guy tells me he's 6'0, depending on what we decide to do for a first meeting I'll wear my 4" heels making me 5'11. This is my stealth way of determining how honest he was on his profile. Interesting how many guys are not as tall as they state in their profile. One guy said he was 5'11 so I wore 3" heels making me 5'10. When I arrived at the restaurant and walked over to him, I was looking down at him. Then there was Mr. Former Football Player who was probably 5'10 yet claimed to be 6'3.
How important is height? For me I'm already tall at 5'7 so I would prefer someone who's taller than me. Not to say I wouldn't date someone my height, I have on a few occassions and I have lots of flat shoes too! Sorry, but the whole Nicole Kidman-Tom Cruise look is not for me. When I'm out with a date, I don't want it to appear like I'm out with my son. Heck, even my son is taller than me! It's my personal preference, to each their own. Ultimately why lie? Makes me wonder what else you're lying about? As we age we do tend to shrink a bit so you might be off by an inch, but we don't shrink that much! When you're off by inches, then it becomes wishful thinking on your part and out right lying to your audience. Oh let me guess, you made a mistake? Hello, go back in and fix it!
As it relates to height, I'd say about half the guys I met were not honest about their height. In one case I met a guy that was taller than what he put on his profile. That was a pleasant surprise. See it's the whole under sell over deliver thing, it works every time! :)
2. Body Type
Another component that can be very confusing, subjective and open to interpretation. Everyone has a different opinion on what the following categories mean:
a) Slim - For me this means very skinny, thin or lanky.
b) Athletic - I find there can be a very broad range on this one. A guy can be muscular and bulky like a body builder or the opposite end of the spectrum where he's got toned muscles, but is slim like a cyclist or a runner.
c) Average - First you have to establish what average is and according to whom. I think normal and typical could also be used as adjectives for this category.
d) A few pounds over weight - Another one that's open to interpretation. Define "a few extra pounds"? Is it 5, 10, 15 or 20 lbs? Then you have to determine what "normal" is to figure out whether or not you're over weight.
e) Big and Tall - Tall doesn't necessarily mean you're big or overweight so this one is a bit off for me. Big according to who and what is the definition of big? A few more pounds than "A few pounds overweight?" Stocky, heavy set, cuddly??? Your guess is as good as mine.
Some quick Canadian height and weight stats from Maclean's
Average weight:
Women - 155 lbs
Men - 187 lbs
Average height:
Women - 5'4
Men - 5'9
Average clothing size:
Women (dress size) - 12
Men (pant size) - 38
I was surprised to learn this, but it left me feeling really good about myself. Certainly gives you some perspective on what average is and where you fit in. Makes it easier to determine what category you should pick for your profile.
A few things to keep in mind:
- This category refers to your present body type, not what you had 25 years ago when you were the quarter back in high school or when you got your black belt!
- Always better to under sell and over deliver. When in doubt, always pick the category one level above what you were originally going to pick. For example, instead of "average" pick "a few extra pounds." Your date will be pleasantly surprised that you are smaller than she thought.
- At the end of the day, your opinion of yourself does not count - Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
- Remember, confidence is sexy - arrogance is a major turn off!
Personally I prefer the tall stocky build. I want a man that can wrap his arms around me and I practically disappear! Plus, he has to keep me safe and warm. Lol
Overall I think most of the guys I met were pretty bang on in terms of how they described their body type on their profile. A few were dreaming in technicolour refusing to accept they are no longer in high school.
More to come another day. Have a great night!
Dateless in Ottawa
1. Height
This should be straight forward. For those who are unsure about their height, you can pull out a measuring tape (should be easy for most guys, they usually have one kicking around) or ask your doctor. Why do guys have to lie about their height? Do you think a woman isn't going to notice?
When a guy tells me he's 6'0, depending on what we decide to do for a first meeting I'll wear my 4" heels making me 5'11. This is my stealth way of determining how honest he was on his profile. Interesting how many guys are not as tall as they state in their profile. One guy said he was 5'11 so I wore 3" heels making me 5'10. When I arrived at the restaurant and walked over to him, I was looking down at him. Then there was Mr. Former Football Player who was probably 5'10 yet claimed to be 6'3.
How important is height? For me I'm already tall at 5'7 so I would prefer someone who's taller than me. Not to say I wouldn't date someone my height, I have on a few occassions and I have lots of flat shoes too! Sorry, but the whole Nicole Kidman-Tom Cruise look is not for me. When I'm out with a date, I don't want it to appear like I'm out with my son. Heck, even my son is taller than me! It's my personal preference, to each their own. Ultimately why lie? Makes me wonder what else you're lying about? As we age we do tend to shrink a bit so you might be off by an inch, but we don't shrink that much! When you're off by inches, then it becomes wishful thinking on your part and out right lying to your audience. Oh let me guess, you made a mistake? Hello, go back in and fix it!
As it relates to height, I'd say about half the guys I met were not honest about their height. In one case I met a guy that was taller than what he put on his profile. That was a pleasant surprise. See it's the whole under sell over deliver thing, it works every time! :)
2. Body Type
Another component that can be very confusing, subjective and open to interpretation. Everyone has a different opinion on what the following categories mean:
a) Slim - For me this means very skinny, thin or lanky.
b) Athletic - I find there can be a very broad range on this one. A guy can be muscular and bulky like a body builder or the opposite end of the spectrum where he's got toned muscles, but is slim like a cyclist or a runner.
c) Average - First you have to establish what average is and according to whom. I think normal and typical could also be used as adjectives for this category.
d) A few pounds over weight - Another one that's open to interpretation. Define "a few extra pounds"? Is it 5, 10, 15 or 20 lbs? Then you have to determine what "normal" is to figure out whether or not you're over weight.
e) Big and Tall - Tall doesn't necessarily mean you're big or overweight so this one is a bit off for me. Big according to who and what is the definition of big? A few more pounds than "A few pounds overweight?" Stocky, heavy set, cuddly??? Your guess is as good as mine.
Some quick Canadian height and weight stats from Maclean's
Average weight:
Women - 155 lbs
Men - 187 lbs
Average height:
Women - 5'4
Men - 5'9
Average clothing size:
Women (dress size) - 12
Men (pant size) - 38
I was surprised to learn this, but it left me feeling really good about myself. Certainly gives you some perspective on what average is and where you fit in. Makes it easier to determine what category you should pick for your profile.
A few things to keep in mind:
- This category refers to your present body type, not what you had 25 years ago when you were the quarter back in high school or when you got your black belt!
- Always better to under sell and over deliver. When in doubt, always pick the category one level above what you were originally going to pick. For example, instead of "average" pick "a few extra pounds." Your date will be pleasantly surprised that you are smaller than she thought.
- At the end of the day, your opinion of yourself does not count - Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
- Remember, confidence is sexy - arrogance is a major turn off!
Personally I prefer the tall stocky build. I want a man that can wrap his arms around me and I practically disappear! Plus, he has to keep me safe and warm. Lol
Overall I think most of the guys I met were pretty bang on in terms of how they described their body type on their profile. A few were dreaming in technicolour refusing to accept they are no longer in high school.
More to come another day. Have a great night!
Dateless in Ottawa
Monday 22 February 2016
Time to reflect
After getting off that emotional roller coaster, I sat down to go over my lessons learned. No wonder people get bitter, angry and jaded. I didn't like the person I had become.
You put yourself out there, wear your heart on your sleeve, treat others with the respect and consideration you expect in return and what happens? They stomp all over your heart, lie, cheat, disrespect and take advantage of you.
I arrived at a point where I didn't trust anyone or believe anything they said. At this rate if I ever met a man again, I'd probably subject him to a polygraph test! Sadly this is a reality and not surprising given all the lies and dishonesty evidenced by my stories. Furthermore, I wasn't going to believe anything without proof. There's all kinds of identification that can support what you're saying! If a person isn't lying, it shouldn't be an issue. I joked about asking to see a driver's licence to a guy once and he got all defensive and insulted, turns out he was lying about his age. Heck I've been working for the same department forever and I still have to show my id on a regular basis, same when I go to the liquor store so why shouldn't a stranger or potential mate be allowed to ask? Given that I have nothing to hide, I'd have no issue showing my id. Besides, I have it on me all the time anyways.
I came up with a few categories that men lie about the most and a very easy way to verify details for each.
1. Age
Many feel the need to lie about how old they are for some reason. I've heard numerous lame excuses for lying about their age.
- A few guys said they looked younger than their actual age so it was ok. Even though sooner or later your real age will come out, then what? Age certainly doesn't define a person, but why lie?
- Others said the system wouldn't let them communicate with younger women so they had no choice. You always have a choice! Once again, why lie? If women specifically state their acceptable age range, then be a man and accept your age. Not anyone else's problem if you're going through a mid-life crisis and can't accept how old you are.
- Some guys claimed they made an error when entering their date of birth - Really??? If you're not sure how old you are, ask your mother or better yet, check your birth certificate or driver's licence. Our kids are usually pretty smart too, they can tell you. By the way, if you made a mistake why wouldn't you go back in and correct it? Just sayin.
* Get ready to show me your birth certificate
2. Name
I know our memory can be affected as we age, but really? Pretty sad when you don't seem to know what your name is or you're suffering from multiple personality disorder. Worse when you have 3 active profiles on the same site with 3 different names using the exact same picture! Are you kidding me? Once again, you can ask your kids, your mom, a friend, relatives or your boss if ever in doubt! If you don't have anyone you can ask, check your driver's license, birth certificate, vehicle registration, citizenship card, passport....the options are endless!
* Have your driver's licence or government photo id ready
3. Marital Status
Chances are, if you haven't seen a lawyer, you're neither separated nor divorced. Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. I don't think you'd forget you got divorced because chances are it cost you a pretty penny.
Sleeping on the couch or in the basement doesn't make you any more divorced than not wearing your wedding band regardless of how drunk you may be.
By the way, if your married don't add me as a friend on Facebook when you have a status of married on display for the entire world to see! Unbelievable how stupid men can be.
Single, Widowed, Legally Divorced all mean you are available. If you're separated, deal with your unresolved issues before you start a new book.
* If you claim to be separated or divorced, have your separation papers, annulment or divorce decree ready for inspection
4. Child Custody
I've lost count of how many guys claim to have joint custody then all of a sudden they get pissed off because I'm busy with my kids' activities and they have nothing to do. Why lie? If you only have visitation or you don't see your kids for whatever the reason, then so be it. Don't turn it around and take it out on me or expect me to drop everything to fill your voids.
* Let's have a look at your child custody order
5. Employment Status
You'd think this would be a straight forward yes or no question. Either your working and/or retired or you are unemployed. For those who don't know the difference, unemployed = not working. Pretty pathetic if you don't know the difference. If you don't get a regular paycheque from your employer or the pension group and/or report to work on a regular basis, chances are you're not employed. I suppose disability benefits could qualify you as being employed, but again be honest. If I wanted another dependent, I'd have another baby.
* Please have your last paystub and last year's notice of assessment available
With technology today your name can be used to do a Google search, find you on Facebook or other social media, GEDS and a multitude of other searches depending on where people work. 411 or reverse directory can be used to verify phone numbers and addresses. The truth will come out, lying is futile. What do people hope to accomplish? Ottawa is a not that big. What a waste of time and energy. Very sad that this is the result. You can't blame people for trying to protect themselves when they've been burned over and over again.
I've heard guys complain that first dates often turn into the Spanish Inquisition. You can thank the lying cheats that ruin it for all the other guys. I've heard women can be just as bad, but I can only speak to my experiences. Regardless of who's lying, it's not acceptable.
Like I said before, if you're not going to be honest don't waste other people's time. And remember what comes around, goes around.
Dateless in Ottawa
You put yourself out there, wear your heart on your sleeve, treat others with the respect and consideration you expect in return and what happens? They stomp all over your heart, lie, cheat, disrespect and take advantage of you.
I arrived at a point where I didn't trust anyone or believe anything they said. At this rate if I ever met a man again, I'd probably subject him to a polygraph test! Sadly this is a reality and not surprising given all the lies and dishonesty evidenced by my stories. Furthermore, I wasn't going to believe anything without proof. There's all kinds of identification that can support what you're saying! If a person isn't lying, it shouldn't be an issue. I joked about asking to see a driver's licence to a guy once and he got all defensive and insulted, turns out he was lying about his age. Heck I've been working for the same department forever and I still have to show my id on a regular basis, same when I go to the liquor store so why shouldn't a stranger or potential mate be allowed to ask? Given that I have nothing to hide, I'd have no issue showing my id. Besides, I have it on me all the time anyways.
I came up with a few categories that men lie about the most and a very easy way to verify details for each.
1. Age
Many feel the need to lie about how old they are for some reason. I've heard numerous lame excuses for lying about their age.
- A few guys said they looked younger than their actual age so it was ok. Even though sooner or later your real age will come out, then what? Age certainly doesn't define a person, but why lie?
- Others said the system wouldn't let them communicate with younger women so they had no choice. You always have a choice! Once again, why lie? If women specifically state their acceptable age range, then be a man and accept your age. Not anyone else's problem if you're going through a mid-life crisis and can't accept how old you are.
- Some guys claimed they made an error when entering their date of birth - Really??? If you're not sure how old you are, ask your mother or better yet, check your birth certificate or driver's licence. Our kids are usually pretty smart too, they can tell you. By the way, if you made a mistake why wouldn't you go back in and correct it? Just sayin.
* Get ready to show me your birth certificate
2. Name
I know our memory can be affected as we age, but really? Pretty sad when you don't seem to know what your name is or you're suffering from multiple personality disorder. Worse when you have 3 active profiles on the same site with 3 different names using the exact same picture! Are you kidding me? Once again, you can ask your kids, your mom, a friend, relatives or your boss if ever in doubt! If you don't have anyone you can ask, check your driver's license, birth certificate, vehicle registration, citizenship card, passport....the options are endless!
* Have your driver's licence or government photo id ready
3. Marital Status
Chances are, if you haven't seen a lawyer, you're neither separated nor divorced. Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. I don't think you'd forget you got divorced because chances are it cost you a pretty penny.
Sleeping on the couch or in the basement doesn't make you any more divorced than not wearing your wedding band regardless of how drunk you may be.
By the way, if your married don't add me as a friend on Facebook when you have a status of married on display for the entire world to see! Unbelievable how stupid men can be.
Single, Widowed, Legally Divorced all mean you are available. If you're separated, deal with your unresolved issues before you start a new book.
* If you claim to be separated or divorced, have your separation papers, annulment or divorce decree ready for inspection
4. Child Custody
I've lost count of how many guys claim to have joint custody then all of a sudden they get pissed off because I'm busy with my kids' activities and they have nothing to do. Why lie? If you only have visitation or you don't see your kids for whatever the reason, then so be it. Don't turn it around and take it out on me or expect me to drop everything to fill your voids.
* Let's have a look at your child custody order
5. Employment Status
You'd think this would be a straight forward yes or no question. Either your working and/or retired or you are unemployed. For those who don't know the difference, unemployed = not working. Pretty pathetic if you don't know the difference. If you don't get a regular paycheque from your employer or the pension group and/or report to work on a regular basis, chances are you're not employed. I suppose disability benefits could qualify you as being employed, but again be honest. If I wanted another dependent, I'd have another baby.
* Please have your last paystub and last year's notice of assessment available
With technology today your name can be used to do a Google search, find you on Facebook or other social media, GEDS and a multitude of other searches depending on where people work. 411 or reverse directory can be used to verify phone numbers and addresses. The truth will come out, lying is futile. What do people hope to accomplish? Ottawa is a not that big. What a waste of time and energy. Very sad that this is the result. You can't blame people for trying to protect themselves when they've been burned over and over again.
I've heard guys complain that first dates often turn into the Spanish Inquisition. You can thank the lying cheats that ruin it for all the other guys. I've heard women can be just as bad, but I can only speak to my experiences. Regardless of who's lying, it's not acceptable.
Like I said before, if you're not going to be honest don't waste other people's time. And remember what comes around, goes around.
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 21 February 2016
One more try - Round 11 * updated
Given all the experiences to date, it was really taking a huge toll on me emotionally. As hard as I tried to remain positive, it was almost impossible. I had met a couple of nice guys, but the overwhelming majority were dishonest. There were many more I didn't talk about who sent rude emails or seemed to email endlessly only to suddenly delete their profiles and disappear. Hiding behind a computer makes it far too easy for people to be dishonest and disrespectful towards others.
I decided I'd try one more time. I work hard and don't give up easily, but this was becoming too damaging to my self-esteem. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, but I don't feel I deserved to be treated this way. When the negative far outweighs the positive, it's time to throw in the towel.
Round 11!
38. Mr. Pepsi
He was single, never married and no kids. He was extremely tall at 6'6". At the time he was working as a Pepsi delivery guy and a bouncer at a club part-time. His father had passed away the year before, so he moved his mother in with him. She had some health issues, but was perfectly able to care for herself. He had an older brother and sister, both married with kids, but decided he was in a better position to care for her. I admired him for that. Women seemed to have an issue with his mother living with him so he was having a hard time finding someone. Online dating had not been fun for him either. Because of his height, he felt like a bit of a freak show.
His introductory email was nice and complimentary. It sounded genuine, but I just didn't trust my instincts anymore. Eventually we moved from email to the phone and he was very funny. We both looked forward to talking after a long day at work. After a while he asked if I wanted to get together, I could pick where and what I wanted to do. I suggested a round of pool and he thought that would be great. We made plans for the following week and talked almost every day.
The day we were supposed to meet, I didn't hear from him. Why bother going, so I could look even more pathetic sitting there waiting for someone who wasn't going to show up? Nope, I'll pass. Here we go again, another guy who bails with no explanation. This was a common occurrence. Next!
* Update - sorry I thought of another story so I'll insert it here and change the numbering slightly.
39. Mr. Widowed
His profile said he was widowed with a 14 year-old daughter. He was a bit older and working as a building maintenance technician. We emailed then talked on the phone. For a first date we had drinks and appetizers at the Hard Rock Café. It was a nice night and not too busy. Afterwards we went for a walk in the market.
We talked about work and our kids. I didn't feel right brining up his late wife, but eventually he did. I asked if she'd been ill for long and whether he was able to keep her at home. He looked puzzled.
Him: "We hadn't been together in 12 years. We divorced when our daughter was 2 and had joint custody. I was living with someone else."
Me: "So why does your profile say you are widowed?"
Him: "I am widowed."
Me: "If you weren't together for the last 12 years and you were living with someone else, how could you possibly be widowed? Widowed means your wife passed away, but you guys weren't even together."
Him: "Well she didn't change her will and I got everything so I'm widowed."
Me: "Wasn't she living with someone else?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Sorry, this makes no sense. Yes, your the father of the child you had together, but the gentleman she was living with is the widower not you."
Him: "What difference does it make, it's my daughter so I'm widowed."
Me: "At the end of the day you're not being honest. Due to an error you received her estate which should go to your daughter and her husband, but you are not a widower. You had been apart and in different relationships for 12 years! That's dishonest are you looking for sympathy or a woman to feel sorry for you? Single would be a more appropriate and honest choice. Sad that her husband got nothing when it was him she was with the longest."
Him: "What difference does it make?"
Me: "For me honesty and integrity are extremely important. Morally and ethically what you did was wrong and saying you are widowed is dishonest, regardless of the circumstances. Gloating about getting her estate is even more unappealing to me. I wish you luck with your search."
Unbelievable, what an idiot. I could tell he understood fully what I was saying, but he wasn't going to admit to being a liar and taking advantage of the situation.
Lesson learned: Make sure your wills are up to date so that only those who you wish to give something to, get it. Due to an oversight this guy got a lot more than he should have and he knew it.
40. The Triple Timer
He said he was divorced and had triplets. His ex had won fully custody and the children lived with her in Gananoque. He had visitation and went to visit them every second or third weekend. He was a butcher and later found a job in a marketing firm.
We were the same age and our children were the same age. There were a lot of similarities with our backgrounds and being parents. We hit it off from the beginning and moved to the phone very quickly. What I enjoyed most was his sense of humour. He was beyond hilarious. First thing every morning I'd have a joke waiting for me in my inbox and every night I'd get another one before going to sleep. No matter where we went, he had everyone in stitches. His laugh was contagious.
I saw potential, things seemed to be going well. For the first time in ages, I let my guard down. His sister worked in government. One afternoon he introduced us. She was really nice and we had a great conversation. She had also studied at Carleton. Eventually I introduced him to the children and they hit it off. When we were all together, I had 4 kids laughing their asses off. We always had so much fun.
The fact that he was going away a couple of weekends a month never bothered me and I never questioned it. Given that he was a father, I admired the fact he made the effort to spend time with his kids whenever he could. They seemed to have a good relationship with their Dad and he spoke about them often. Every now and then they'd call when we were together and it was cute to hear them tell stories about school.
One thing that seemed odd was that he often talked about his best friend's ex. They had broken up suddenly and she called him often for advice and support. At times it seemed excessive, but if it was a friend of mine I'd be there for them too. My best friend said something seemed off and I should be careful, but I didn't listen.
A couple of months later he seemed distant. He said this friend of his was going through a really bad time and was she coming up to Ottawa for a visit. That was fine, my kids had birthday parties that weekend anyways so we hadn't planned to see each other. I didn't hear from him at all that weekend which was completely out of character. On the Monday I decided I'd stop by his place after dinner to make sure he was ok. When I arrived he wasn't there, but one of his close friends was. He said we needed to talk.
Him: "You seem like such a nice girl, I can't sit back and watch this anymore. You need to move on and forget about this guy. You deserve better."
Me: "What are you talking about, we all have good days and bad. I know how hard it is for him to be away from his kids."
Him: "No, that's not it at all. You're too nice and I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner. I just figured you'd be another flavour of the week, but he's taking advantage of you. He's not divorced and that friend he's always talking about...that's his girlfriend and she's 5 months pregnant with his baby. She lives in Smith Falls. Every second time he goes away he's going to stay with her, not to see his kids. He's been lying to you all along. I'm really sorry."
OMG! This couldn't be true. WTF! He finally called a few days later. Claimed he was having issues with his ex and he was really stressed out. I asked him point blank if he was divorced. He danced around the question then said it wasn't official yet. Then I questioned him about his "friend" and whether he was in love with her. He responded yes, then immediately said no, I like you. I called him a liar, told him to forget he'd ever met me and hung up. He kept calling so I had to block his number. Talk about having your cake and eating it too! This guy deserves an award. How he managed to juggle 3 women like that is incredible. He played all 3 of us. His sister emailed me to apologize, but it wasn't her fault. She hadn't realized what was going on either.
I was devastated beyond belief and wanted to crawl underneath a rock. This was the worst blow ever. I couldn't do this anymore. This time even my kids were hurt, how could I have been so stupid. My online dating career was done, I deleted everything. Obviously it wasn't meant for me to find someone. Maybe I was supposed to be alone and eventually I'd have to come to terms with that.
Good-bye online dating and thanks for nothing!
Dateless in Ottawa
I decided I'd try one more time. I work hard and don't give up easily, but this was becoming too damaging to my self-esteem. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, but I don't feel I deserved to be treated this way. When the negative far outweighs the positive, it's time to throw in the towel.
Round 11!
38. Mr. Pepsi
He was single, never married and no kids. He was extremely tall at 6'6". At the time he was working as a Pepsi delivery guy and a bouncer at a club part-time. His father had passed away the year before, so he moved his mother in with him. She had some health issues, but was perfectly able to care for herself. He had an older brother and sister, both married with kids, but decided he was in a better position to care for her. I admired him for that. Women seemed to have an issue with his mother living with him so he was having a hard time finding someone. Online dating had not been fun for him either. Because of his height, he felt like a bit of a freak show.
His introductory email was nice and complimentary. It sounded genuine, but I just didn't trust my instincts anymore. Eventually we moved from email to the phone and he was very funny. We both looked forward to talking after a long day at work. After a while he asked if I wanted to get together, I could pick where and what I wanted to do. I suggested a round of pool and he thought that would be great. We made plans for the following week and talked almost every day.
The day we were supposed to meet, I didn't hear from him. Why bother going, so I could look even more pathetic sitting there waiting for someone who wasn't going to show up? Nope, I'll pass. Here we go again, another guy who bails with no explanation. This was a common occurrence. Next!
* Update - sorry I thought of another story so I'll insert it here and change the numbering slightly.
39. Mr. Widowed
His profile said he was widowed with a 14 year-old daughter. He was a bit older and working as a building maintenance technician. We emailed then talked on the phone. For a first date we had drinks and appetizers at the Hard Rock Café. It was a nice night and not too busy. Afterwards we went for a walk in the market.
We talked about work and our kids. I didn't feel right brining up his late wife, but eventually he did. I asked if she'd been ill for long and whether he was able to keep her at home. He looked puzzled.
Him: "We hadn't been together in 12 years. We divorced when our daughter was 2 and had joint custody. I was living with someone else."
Me: "So why does your profile say you are widowed?"
Him: "I am widowed."
Me: "If you weren't together for the last 12 years and you were living with someone else, how could you possibly be widowed? Widowed means your wife passed away, but you guys weren't even together."
Him: "Well she didn't change her will and I got everything so I'm widowed."
Me: "Wasn't she living with someone else?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Sorry, this makes no sense. Yes, your the father of the child you had together, but the gentleman she was living with is the widower not you."
Him: "What difference does it make, it's my daughter so I'm widowed."
Me: "At the end of the day you're not being honest. Due to an error you received her estate which should go to your daughter and her husband, but you are not a widower. You had been apart and in different relationships for 12 years! That's dishonest are you looking for sympathy or a woman to feel sorry for you? Single would be a more appropriate and honest choice. Sad that her husband got nothing when it was him she was with the longest."
Him: "What difference does it make?"
Me: "For me honesty and integrity are extremely important. Morally and ethically what you did was wrong and saying you are widowed is dishonest, regardless of the circumstances. Gloating about getting her estate is even more unappealing to me. I wish you luck with your search."
Unbelievable, what an idiot. I could tell he understood fully what I was saying, but he wasn't going to admit to being a liar and taking advantage of the situation.
Lesson learned: Make sure your wills are up to date so that only those who you wish to give something to, get it. Due to an oversight this guy got a lot more than he should have and he knew it.
40. The Triple Timer
He said he was divorced and had triplets. His ex had won fully custody and the children lived with her in Gananoque. He had visitation and went to visit them every second or third weekend. He was a butcher and later found a job in a marketing firm.
We were the same age and our children were the same age. There were a lot of similarities with our backgrounds and being parents. We hit it off from the beginning and moved to the phone very quickly. What I enjoyed most was his sense of humour. He was beyond hilarious. First thing every morning I'd have a joke waiting for me in my inbox and every night I'd get another one before going to sleep. No matter where we went, he had everyone in stitches. His laugh was contagious.
I saw potential, things seemed to be going well. For the first time in ages, I let my guard down. His sister worked in government. One afternoon he introduced us. She was really nice and we had a great conversation. She had also studied at Carleton. Eventually I introduced him to the children and they hit it off. When we were all together, I had 4 kids laughing their asses off. We always had so much fun.
The fact that he was going away a couple of weekends a month never bothered me and I never questioned it. Given that he was a father, I admired the fact he made the effort to spend time with his kids whenever he could. They seemed to have a good relationship with their Dad and he spoke about them often. Every now and then they'd call when we were together and it was cute to hear them tell stories about school.
One thing that seemed odd was that he often talked about his best friend's ex. They had broken up suddenly and she called him often for advice and support. At times it seemed excessive, but if it was a friend of mine I'd be there for them too. My best friend said something seemed off and I should be careful, but I didn't listen.
A couple of months later he seemed distant. He said this friend of his was going through a really bad time and was she coming up to Ottawa for a visit. That was fine, my kids had birthday parties that weekend anyways so we hadn't planned to see each other. I didn't hear from him at all that weekend which was completely out of character. On the Monday I decided I'd stop by his place after dinner to make sure he was ok. When I arrived he wasn't there, but one of his close friends was. He said we needed to talk.
Him: "You seem like such a nice girl, I can't sit back and watch this anymore. You need to move on and forget about this guy. You deserve better."
Me: "What are you talking about, we all have good days and bad. I know how hard it is for him to be away from his kids."
Him: "No, that's not it at all. You're too nice and I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner. I just figured you'd be another flavour of the week, but he's taking advantage of you. He's not divorced and that friend he's always talking about...that's his girlfriend and she's 5 months pregnant with his baby. She lives in Smith Falls. Every second time he goes away he's going to stay with her, not to see his kids. He's been lying to you all along. I'm really sorry."
OMG! This couldn't be true. WTF! He finally called a few days later. Claimed he was having issues with his ex and he was really stressed out. I asked him point blank if he was divorced. He danced around the question then said it wasn't official yet. Then I questioned him about his "friend" and whether he was in love with her. He responded yes, then immediately said no, I like you. I called him a liar, told him to forget he'd ever met me and hung up. He kept calling so I had to block his number. Talk about having your cake and eating it too! This guy deserves an award. How he managed to juggle 3 women like that is incredible. He played all 3 of us. His sister emailed me to apologize, but it wasn't her fault. She hadn't realized what was going on either.
I was devastated beyond belief and wanted to crawl underneath a rock. This was the worst blow ever. I couldn't do this anymore. This time even my kids were hurt, how could I have been so stupid. My online dating career was done, I deleted everything. Obviously it wasn't meant for me to find someone. Maybe I was supposed to be alone and eventually I'd have to come to terms with that.
Good-bye online dating and thanks for nothing!
Dateless in Ottawa
Saturday 20 February 2016
Time for a few laughs
I shared the link to my blog with a colleague. She thought it was interesting that I was writing a blog given how full my calendar is at work and home. Her curiosity was peaked as she's also been having a lot of bad luck with online dating. That night she texted me after reading a few of the posts. She was enthralled and couldn't wait to read the rest. I suggested she start her own blog as this was allowing me to channel my creative energy while venting. After reading all the posts, she shared the link to my blog on her Facebook wall. When I arrived at the office the next day, she immediately came over to my workstation.
Her: "OMG, I love your blog! You are an amazing writer, if you ever write a book I'll buy it too! You have to show me how to start a blog. I can't believe some of those stories, people are so dishonest. I was laughing so hard last night; the guy with the stuffed animals, the other one when his mom says he's fine and it wasn't even his house! OMG are there any honest people left in the world? What is normal? Everything is so different. You can't trust anyone because it's too easy to lie."
Me: "I'm happy I was able to make you laugh. Very sad that the stories are all true, I even left out some details to keep it shorter. These date back to the late Spring of 2006 up to early summer of 2008, just before I met my husband. I can look back and laugh now, but at the time this was happening it wasn't fun or amusing."
Her: "I can imagine, I'm sorry you went through that. For me it was similar. We think these things only happen to us, but many people go through this. Why are people are so mean? Sorry, but I can't stop laughing when I think of some of your stories. I hope you have more, I can't wait to read them."
I was thrilled to get such positive feedback. When she mentioned Mr. Teddy Bear, it reminded me of a joke a friend had sent me.
Joke:
------------------------------------------------------------
A woman decided to go out for a few drinks rather than stay home alone. She headed over to a pub. Across the bar she spotted this guy looking over at her and smiling. He was cute and it looked like he was alone too.
Bartender: "The gentleman across the bar would like to buy you a drink, will you accept?"
Woman: "Yes of course, thank you."
The bartender brought her the drink. She decided to walk over to the guy and thank him herself. They talked most of the night and played a round of pool. He then asked her if she'd like to go home with him. She figured, why not?
They went back to his place. When she walked in, it was hard not to notice he had a lot of stuffed animals everywhere. They were all neatly arranged according to size. After a few more drinks things started to get really hot and heavy, so they moved into his bedroom. To her surprise, there were even more stuffed animals. He had several shelves on the wall and again they were all neatly organized, smallest on the bottom to biggest on top. She figured who gives a shit, there are far worse habits and she wanted him badly. They had mad passionate sex. When they were done, he looked over at her.
Guy: "How was it for you?"
Woman: "It was amazing, how was it for you?"
Guy: "It was pretty good. Go ahead, pick any prize from the second shelf."
-------------------------------------------------------------
My colleague roared with laughter. Instantly we were both laughing so hard tears were rolling down our cheeks. Our fellow co-workers thought we were insane. We were laughing so hard we couldn't talk and in a Workplace 2.0 environment, it's hard not to be disruptive. I'm sure someone will complain and we'll get spoken to. Oh well, I hope you understood the joke and that you laughed as much as we did. After all these self-confidence and ego destroying experiences, I had to inject some humour.
Update:
Ok, so a few people didn't get the joke so I'll elaborate. The stuffed animals being arranged according to size on different shelves is similar to those games at the exhibition. For example, when you get a baseball into the milk can, your prize is a small stuffed animal. If you get 2 balls into the milk can, you win a medium sized one and if you get all 3 balls in you get a big stuffed animal. In the joke I guess he felt her performance only warranted a medium sized prize. Lol!
Enjoy your weekend!
Dateless in Ottawa
Her: "OMG, I love your blog! You are an amazing writer, if you ever write a book I'll buy it too! You have to show me how to start a blog. I can't believe some of those stories, people are so dishonest. I was laughing so hard last night; the guy with the stuffed animals, the other one when his mom says he's fine and it wasn't even his house! OMG are there any honest people left in the world? What is normal? Everything is so different. You can't trust anyone because it's too easy to lie."
Me: "I'm happy I was able to make you laugh. Very sad that the stories are all true, I even left out some details to keep it shorter. These date back to the late Spring of 2006 up to early summer of 2008, just before I met my husband. I can look back and laugh now, but at the time this was happening it wasn't fun or amusing."
Her: "I can imagine, I'm sorry you went through that. For me it was similar. We think these things only happen to us, but many people go through this. Why are people are so mean? Sorry, but I can't stop laughing when I think of some of your stories. I hope you have more, I can't wait to read them."
I was thrilled to get such positive feedback. When she mentioned Mr. Teddy Bear, it reminded me of a joke a friend had sent me.
Joke:
------------------------------------------------------------
A woman decided to go out for a few drinks rather than stay home alone. She headed over to a pub. Across the bar she spotted this guy looking over at her and smiling. He was cute and it looked like he was alone too.
Bartender: "The gentleman across the bar would like to buy you a drink, will you accept?"
Woman: "Yes of course, thank you."
The bartender brought her the drink. She decided to walk over to the guy and thank him herself. They talked most of the night and played a round of pool. He then asked her if she'd like to go home with him. She figured, why not?
They went back to his place. When she walked in, it was hard not to notice he had a lot of stuffed animals everywhere. They were all neatly arranged according to size. After a few more drinks things started to get really hot and heavy, so they moved into his bedroom. To her surprise, there were even more stuffed animals. He had several shelves on the wall and again they were all neatly organized, smallest on the bottom to biggest on top. She figured who gives a shit, there are far worse habits and she wanted him badly. They had mad passionate sex. When they were done, he looked over at her.
Guy: "How was it for you?"
Woman: "It was amazing, how was it for you?"
Guy: "It was pretty good. Go ahead, pick any prize from the second shelf."
-------------------------------------------------------------
My colleague roared with laughter. Instantly we were both laughing so hard tears were rolling down our cheeks. Our fellow co-workers thought we were insane. We were laughing so hard we couldn't talk and in a Workplace 2.0 environment, it's hard not to be disruptive. I'm sure someone will complain and we'll get spoken to. Oh well, I hope you understood the joke and that you laughed as much as we did. After all these self-confidence and ego destroying experiences, I had to inject some humour.
Update:
Ok, so a few people didn't get the joke so I'll elaborate. The stuffed animals being arranged according to size on different shelves is similar to those games at the exhibition. For example, when you get a baseball into the milk can, your prize is a small stuffed animal. If you get 2 balls into the milk can, you win a medium sized one and if you get all 3 balls in you get a big stuffed animal. In the joke I guess he felt her performance only warranted a medium sized prize. Lol!
Enjoy your weekend!
Dateless in Ottawa
Thursday 18 February 2016
Trying to stay positive while venturing on to Round 10
Round 9 was very painful. My ex was beyond angry. He stopped taking the kids completely, but would show up when he felt like it and called constantly in an effort to make it difficult for me to go out. The neighbours started watching for him and my Dad or a friend would come by often to make sure me and the kids were ok.
After Mr. Contractor, I went into my profile and hid my picture. I'd have to be more careful and screen potential dates a bit more closely to avoid a repeat incident. As upset and scared as I was, anger fuelled my desire to find someone even more just so I could rub it in my ex's face. Maybe then he'd leave me alone.
I closed my eyes and held my breath...on to Round 10!
34. The Gentleman
He was tall, dark and handsome. He was single, never married and no children. His introductory email was over a page long. It was obvious he was a very good writer and eloquent speaker. He looked very familiar. Turns out we had gone to the same junior high school and grew up in the same neighbourhood. We had never been in the same class, but were the same age. It was neat to be able to reminisce about junior high, our teachers and the old neighbourhood.
We met for brunch soon after and could spend hours talking on the phone. He was a consummate gentleman, very attentive and extremely polite. My having young children was a bit of a concern. He had a visual impairment and had decided never to have children for fear that they would inherit the vision issues. He had been through numerous surgeries and procedures, but they were unsuccessful.
Our conversations could last for hours on any subject and he enjoyed trying new restaurants just as much as I did. It was also nice to have someone to cook for that appreciated it. We had a great time no matter what we did, but I still wanted to have more children. I kept trying to convince myself that I should be happy with the 3 I already had, but I couldn't close that door and he was adamant that he would not change his mind. Ultimately we agreed to disagree and remained friends.
This was a refreshing change and it gave me a much needed boost. Nice to know there were still some nice guys out there.
35. The Building Manager
He was divorced with sole custody of his son. He wasn't my usual type having blond hair with blue eyes, but he was certainly tall. His emails were short and simple and after we talked I realized he wasn't one for emails or texting. We went for coffee not long after. He had called out of the blue and asked if I wanted to meet for coffee. To this day I think it was a test to see how long it would take me to get ready since he only gave me a half hour's notice. He thought for sure I'd take forever doing my crazy curly hair, but was pleasantly surprised when I was already waiting for him when he arrived. He was also happy that I was tall.
He was extremely shy, but very nice. He was a simpleton, liked hockey and was very dedicated to his son who he'd raised pretty much all on his own. I admired that, it's not often a man is awarded sole custody and being a single parent is hard work. He was the facility manager of a shopping mall, so he worked long hours and was always on call. We went out a few times and had fun, but he was very unreliable. Part of it was his shyness. He also worked long hours, his son was into sports and he seemed rusty in the dating department. Finances were an issue for him and my having 3 kids worried him. One night while talking about salaries, he was shocked to learn what I made. It seemed to be a problem that I made more than he did with full medical and dental benefits, even though I had 3 kids to feed. Right after that the phone calls ceased. Oh well, next!
36. The Former Minister
This is the guy that won best date #3. He was divorced with one daughter and 2 step-daughters. Previously he had been in the navy, then a religious minister who left the church and went into high tech. When the market in Ottawa crashed, he lost everything; his job, his house, his wife and the children. He was forced to start over at OC Transpo and after a long custody battle, only won visitation rights.
Our first date was great. We had fun and he had a great sense of humour. Sadly, he was very bitter. He'd only been divorced for a little over a year and hadn't adjusted to living more modestly than he had grown accustomed to. I knew more about his ex and her new boyfriend than I did about him. All he could talk about was how she had cheated on him, he only got visitation of his daughter because she lied and now half of his salary was going to her even though she had a live in boyfriend and she made more than he did.
Initially he seemed thrilled that I had 3 kids as he had always wanted a large family, but slowly that changed. We'd make plans and he'd show up with his daughter or he'd cancel and say she needed help with a project. When I suggested bringing my kids too, he would say no. His inconsistencies and mood swings were frustrating. I also got the feeling he was seeing someone else. One night he let it slip he was going to Kingston for the weekend to see a girl he was dating. He quickly tried to rephrase it and said it was actually an old school friend. Yeah right Honey, I didn't fall off a turnip truck yesterday. He finally admitted he didn't want a serious relationship and I seemed to be more the marrying type. But wait! He had chosen long-term on his profile too. Whatever, no point in trying to figure out how men think!
37. Mr. Karate
He was tall and attractive, said he was divorced with joint custody of twin girls. The profile picture was of him receiving his third degree black belt. He seemed to be very active and we had similar backgrounds. We were both European so family get togethers and food were huge in our homes.
We had long talks and he was funny. He worked as an IT consultant for the government. I called a close friend of the family to find out if they knew him or of him. A couple of days later she called me back and said, "He's not the kind of people you want to associate with." She wouldn't elaborate any further. I took it with a grain of salt. I give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove me otherwise. Eventually I learned he was working for my Director General and I was excited to meet him. Suddenly all communication stopped with no explanation. His profile disappeared. Another magician! A few weeks later I was setting up the logistics in the boardroom for my DG waiting for someone from IT to bring in the equipment. Low and behold, who walks into the room? OMG, he was huge. The profile picture had to be at least 15 years old. There was no resemblance to the svelte black belt in the picture, other than his face. He was mortified and couldn't look me in the eyes. I purposely walked over and introduced myself to him. He said nothing and left the room.
Sooner or later the truth always comes out. Why do people bother lying and playing games? I don't understand.
Dateless in Ottawa
After Mr. Contractor, I went into my profile and hid my picture. I'd have to be more careful and screen potential dates a bit more closely to avoid a repeat incident. As upset and scared as I was, anger fuelled my desire to find someone even more just so I could rub it in my ex's face. Maybe then he'd leave me alone.
I closed my eyes and held my breath...on to Round 10!
34. The Gentleman
He was tall, dark and handsome. He was single, never married and no children. His introductory email was over a page long. It was obvious he was a very good writer and eloquent speaker. He looked very familiar. Turns out we had gone to the same junior high school and grew up in the same neighbourhood. We had never been in the same class, but were the same age. It was neat to be able to reminisce about junior high, our teachers and the old neighbourhood.
We met for brunch soon after and could spend hours talking on the phone. He was a consummate gentleman, very attentive and extremely polite. My having young children was a bit of a concern. He had a visual impairment and had decided never to have children for fear that they would inherit the vision issues. He had been through numerous surgeries and procedures, but they were unsuccessful.
Our conversations could last for hours on any subject and he enjoyed trying new restaurants just as much as I did. It was also nice to have someone to cook for that appreciated it. We had a great time no matter what we did, but I still wanted to have more children. I kept trying to convince myself that I should be happy with the 3 I already had, but I couldn't close that door and he was adamant that he would not change his mind. Ultimately we agreed to disagree and remained friends.
This was a refreshing change and it gave me a much needed boost. Nice to know there were still some nice guys out there.
35. The Building Manager
He was divorced with sole custody of his son. He wasn't my usual type having blond hair with blue eyes, but he was certainly tall. His emails were short and simple and after we talked I realized he wasn't one for emails or texting. We went for coffee not long after. He had called out of the blue and asked if I wanted to meet for coffee. To this day I think it was a test to see how long it would take me to get ready since he only gave me a half hour's notice. He thought for sure I'd take forever doing my crazy curly hair, but was pleasantly surprised when I was already waiting for him when he arrived. He was also happy that I was tall.
He was extremely shy, but very nice. He was a simpleton, liked hockey and was very dedicated to his son who he'd raised pretty much all on his own. I admired that, it's not often a man is awarded sole custody and being a single parent is hard work. He was the facility manager of a shopping mall, so he worked long hours and was always on call. We went out a few times and had fun, but he was very unreliable. Part of it was his shyness. He also worked long hours, his son was into sports and he seemed rusty in the dating department. Finances were an issue for him and my having 3 kids worried him. One night while talking about salaries, he was shocked to learn what I made. It seemed to be a problem that I made more than he did with full medical and dental benefits, even though I had 3 kids to feed. Right after that the phone calls ceased. Oh well, next!
36. The Former Minister
This is the guy that won best date #3. He was divorced with one daughter and 2 step-daughters. Previously he had been in the navy, then a religious minister who left the church and went into high tech. When the market in Ottawa crashed, he lost everything; his job, his house, his wife and the children. He was forced to start over at OC Transpo and after a long custody battle, only won visitation rights.
Our first date was great. We had fun and he had a great sense of humour. Sadly, he was very bitter. He'd only been divorced for a little over a year and hadn't adjusted to living more modestly than he had grown accustomed to. I knew more about his ex and her new boyfriend than I did about him. All he could talk about was how she had cheated on him, he only got visitation of his daughter because she lied and now half of his salary was going to her even though she had a live in boyfriend and she made more than he did.
Initially he seemed thrilled that I had 3 kids as he had always wanted a large family, but slowly that changed. We'd make plans and he'd show up with his daughter or he'd cancel and say she needed help with a project. When I suggested bringing my kids too, he would say no. His inconsistencies and mood swings were frustrating. I also got the feeling he was seeing someone else. One night he let it slip he was going to Kingston for the weekend to see a girl he was dating. He quickly tried to rephrase it and said it was actually an old school friend. Yeah right Honey, I didn't fall off a turnip truck yesterday. He finally admitted he didn't want a serious relationship and I seemed to be more the marrying type. But wait! He had chosen long-term on his profile too. Whatever, no point in trying to figure out how men think!
37. Mr. Karate
He was tall and attractive, said he was divorced with joint custody of twin girls. The profile picture was of him receiving his third degree black belt. He seemed to be very active and we had similar backgrounds. We were both European so family get togethers and food were huge in our homes.
We had long talks and he was funny. He worked as an IT consultant for the government. I called a close friend of the family to find out if they knew him or of him. A couple of days later she called me back and said, "He's not the kind of people you want to associate with." She wouldn't elaborate any further. I took it with a grain of salt. I give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove me otherwise. Eventually I learned he was working for my Director General and I was excited to meet him. Suddenly all communication stopped with no explanation. His profile disappeared. Another magician! A few weeks later I was setting up the logistics in the boardroom for my DG waiting for someone from IT to bring in the equipment. Low and behold, who walks into the room? OMG, he was huge. The profile picture had to be at least 15 years old. There was no resemblance to the svelte black belt in the picture, other than his face. He was mortified and couldn't look me in the eyes. I purposely walked over and introduced myself to him. He said nothing and left the room.
Sooner or later the truth always comes out. Why do people bother lying and playing games? I don't understand.
Dateless in Ottawa
Monday 15 February 2016
Round 9. Time to brace myself! * updated
I was still hanging on, trying not to give up. There have to be some decent men out there somewhere. Very discouraging that articles were claiming a person has to meet dozens of people before they find the one. Some may think I'm a sucker for punishment, but on the contrary I'm stubborn and determined. This chick wasn't ready to give up yet. I made some minor changes to my profile, updated my pictures and waited for emails to appear in my inbox.
On to Round 9!
29. Mr. President (He had a really cool name. The same as one of the American presidents!)
This guy won the award for the best date ever, but failed miserably in all other areas. He was single, never married with no kids. He claimed to be working in construction and having his own company. After two quick meetings, we had our official date which started at Le Nordik. He was living in a beautiful home just outside of the city with his Mom and had a company truck. He came across as being very down to earth and normal, but slowly the truth started coming out. A couple of weeks later he called to apologize for being so distant to say he had been diagnosed with a brain tumor and had to declare bankruptcy due to non-paying clients. When I asked for details, nothing made sense and the story kept changing. I felt terrible for him and brought dinner over a few times. Another night I stopped by to see him and he was out. His Mom invited me in so I asked her how he was doing and whether they would be operating on the tumor. She looked at me as though I was crazy and had no idea what I was talking about. She told me he'd been ill with a neurological disorder for years and there was nothing that could be done. There was no tumor, he was fine. It also turns out this wasn't his house or truck either! Friends of the family were temporarily posted in Europe and he was house sitting as a favour with full access to all of their vehicles. I was dumb founded. Ladies and gentlemen, we have the Academy Award winner for best actor or should I say liar! I suffered a major blow with this one. How could a person be so cruel and dishonest? I tried to confront him, but he pulled a disappearing act. Overnight he moved away as the actual owners of the house returned. I never heard from him again.
30. The Israeli Kingpin
You could tell from the email he sent and his picture that he was a bit full of himself. The picture appeared to be older, but I wasn't sure. He was divorced with 2 children and said he owned a business. We exchanged a few emails and then he asked if he could call me. All he could talk about was himself and how successful he was. His children lived with their mother and visited him on weekends. Eventually, all he seemed to want to talk about was sex. He said it was good to understand a person's preferences and fantasies so it would be clear what needed to be done when they met. What? I completely disagreed and told him I felt it was inappropriate to get into such intimate details until two people have met and decided they wanted to get to know each other better. He then commented that he didn't think my picture was recent. I assured him it was and sent him another. Then I asked him to send me a more recent picture of himself. Surprise, surprise he didn't look anything like the picture on the profile. Over the years he'd gained quite a bit of weight, but he didn't think it was a big deal because he still looked good - in his opinion. He further commented that when people invite him over for dinner, he brings his own food because no one cooks as well as he does and he refuses to eat anyone else's cooking. This guy was too much, no wonder he was single. I couldn't handle the arrogance. I wished him well with his search. He got angry and said I was a bitch who didn't deserve such an amazing man. I wasn't going to waste another second on this idiot. Click, NEXT!
31. Mr. Teddy Bear
He was divorced with 2 kids. He moved to Ottawa for work and his children lived in Toronto with their mother. He was very tall and a great writer. We emailed for a bit then talked on the phone. He was very pleasant and interesting. He had been married to an Italian so was well versed in large family gatherings and food. He invited me over for dinner. When I arrived what stood out most was all the teddy bears on the couch. It seemed odd for a man in his mid-forties to have so many stuffed animals around. He gave me a quick tour of his apartment. Guess what? More stuffed animals in the bedroom. I asked if he saw his kids often, maybe they belonged to the kids? No, he did not. It was a nasty divorce and she got full custody so he didn't see the kids often if at all since he moved to Ottawa two years prior.
Dinner was great, it was obvious he loved to cook and was very good at it. We talked for a bit and then he suggested watching a movie. He was very polite and a perfect gentleman. After the movie I thanked him for dinner and left. He looked disappointed, but I honestly didn't feel a connection. He wrote that night asking to see me again, but admitted that he got the feeling I wasn't interested. I responded that I had a nice time, but no I didn't see the potential for a relationship. He said he very much enjoyed my company and I was welcomed to call if ever I changed my mind. I felt bad, but I can't pretend. If it's not there, it's not there. I thanked him again and wished him luck with his search.
32. The Naval Officer * another story I remembered and inserted here
He was older, 58. Divorced with no children. He had retired from the Navy, but continued to work at DND. His profile was very well written and we had many similar interest, more specifically travel. What stood out most for me where all the pictures from his world travels.
The introductory email was great and he obviously read my profile because he touched on many points. I did tell him I had young children, but he didn't seem to care. He wanted to meet and talk over a glass of wine. A refreshing change to the usual coffee date.
We moved to the phone and at first he was very polite, but all of sudden he sounded arrogant and rude. When he returned from a business trip to Vegas, he called and said he had a load of "Seamen" waiting for me. Ha, ha, was that a naval joke? How rude and disgusting when you haven't even met yet. From then on all he wanted to talk about was sex. It was such a turn off. The date was cancelled and I told him to keep on swimming and take all of his semen with him because I wasn't interested. There are some sick idiots out there!
33. The Contractor
He was tall, dark and handsome, divorced with 2 kids. He had his own construction company and did commercial buildings and restaurant re-fits. The company name was very familiar, but I couldn't place it. I later learned why. He had a good sense of humour and I enjoyed talking to him. He finally suggested we meet for drinks. My ex was supposed to take the kids that Thursday night, so we agreed to meet then. We would confirm the day before. I didn't hear from him again, which I found odd since we were talking regularly. Oh well, I figured another vanishing act. This was common with online dating.
On Thursday afternoon, my ex calls to tell me he's not picking the children up. No surprise, this was a regular occurrence. Later that night just after I put the kids to bed I heard banging at the door. I wasn't expecting anyone. It was my ex. He barged in and started yelling at me.
Him: "Who do you think you are? You lied to me."
Me: "What are you talking about? You need to leave right now."
Him: "Where's M---?"
Me: "Who?"
Him: "Don't play stupid with me and stop lying. You were meeting him for drinks tonight."
Me: "What are you talking about? Stop yelling, you're going to wake the kids up."
Him: "You had a date tonight. I went to see M--- yesterday afternoon and he told me he was going to meet a new chick. Guess who's picture he showed me? I can't believe you put yourself online to meet strange men. If you want sex or a relationship you shouldn't have left me. What is wrong with you?"
Me: "What I do is none of your business, I don't need your permission. We're done, I'm never going back to you. He never confirmed, I haven't heard from him since Tuesday so there was no date tonight, not that I owe you an explanation. Leave right now."
Him: "You make me sick. By the way, he's married. I can't believe you!"
Me: "Married? Great, if he's a friend of yours I shouldn't be surprised. He told me he was divorced. Unbelievable! Now get out. Tell him never to call me again, the two of you would make a perfect couple. Leave now!"
Him: "You better watch yourself, I'm not finished with you."
Then he turned and slammed the door behind him. OMG, my worst nightmare was just realized. What are the odds that I'd meet one of my controlling ex's friends online? No wonder the company name sounded familiar, he was one of the contractors that had done work at several of my ex's businesses. Plus, he's married to boot! Just when I thought things couldn't get worse.
I was going to have to lay low for a while. Adding my ex to the mix made things very overwhelming to say the least. Ottawa is a small city, this was bound to happen sooner or later. What a nightmare!
Time to revisit my options.
Dateless in Ottawa
On to Round 9!
29. Mr. President (He had a really cool name. The same as one of the American presidents!)
This guy won the award for the best date ever, but failed miserably in all other areas. He was single, never married with no kids. He claimed to be working in construction and having his own company. After two quick meetings, we had our official date which started at Le Nordik. He was living in a beautiful home just outside of the city with his Mom and had a company truck. He came across as being very down to earth and normal, but slowly the truth started coming out. A couple of weeks later he called to apologize for being so distant to say he had been diagnosed with a brain tumor and had to declare bankruptcy due to non-paying clients. When I asked for details, nothing made sense and the story kept changing. I felt terrible for him and brought dinner over a few times. Another night I stopped by to see him and he was out. His Mom invited me in so I asked her how he was doing and whether they would be operating on the tumor. She looked at me as though I was crazy and had no idea what I was talking about. She told me he'd been ill with a neurological disorder for years and there was nothing that could be done. There was no tumor, he was fine. It also turns out this wasn't his house or truck either! Friends of the family were temporarily posted in Europe and he was house sitting as a favour with full access to all of their vehicles. I was dumb founded. Ladies and gentlemen, we have the Academy Award winner for best actor or should I say liar! I suffered a major blow with this one. How could a person be so cruel and dishonest? I tried to confront him, but he pulled a disappearing act. Overnight he moved away as the actual owners of the house returned. I never heard from him again.
30. The Israeli Kingpin
You could tell from the email he sent and his picture that he was a bit full of himself. The picture appeared to be older, but I wasn't sure. He was divorced with 2 children and said he owned a business. We exchanged a few emails and then he asked if he could call me. All he could talk about was himself and how successful he was. His children lived with their mother and visited him on weekends. Eventually, all he seemed to want to talk about was sex. He said it was good to understand a person's preferences and fantasies so it would be clear what needed to be done when they met. What? I completely disagreed and told him I felt it was inappropriate to get into such intimate details until two people have met and decided they wanted to get to know each other better. He then commented that he didn't think my picture was recent. I assured him it was and sent him another. Then I asked him to send me a more recent picture of himself. Surprise, surprise he didn't look anything like the picture on the profile. Over the years he'd gained quite a bit of weight, but he didn't think it was a big deal because he still looked good - in his opinion. He further commented that when people invite him over for dinner, he brings his own food because no one cooks as well as he does and he refuses to eat anyone else's cooking. This guy was too much, no wonder he was single. I couldn't handle the arrogance. I wished him well with his search. He got angry and said I was a bitch who didn't deserve such an amazing man. I wasn't going to waste another second on this idiot. Click, NEXT!
31. Mr. Teddy Bear
He was divorced with 2 kids. He moved to Ottawa for work and his children lived in Toronto with their mother. He was very tall and a great writer. We emailed for a bit then talked on the phone. He was very pleasant and interesting. He had been married to an Italian so was well versed in large family gatherings and food. He invited me over for dinner. When I arrived what stood out most was all the teddy bears on the couch. It seemed odd for a man in his mid-forties to have so many stuffed animals around. He gave me a quick tour of his apartment. Guess what? More stuffed animals in the bedroom. I asked if he saw his kids often, maybe they belonged to the kids? No, he did not. It was a nasty divorce and she got full custody so he didn't see the kids often if at all since he moved to Ottawa two years prior.
Dinner was great, it was obvious he loved to cook and was very good at it. We talked for a bit and then he suggested watching a movie. He was very polite and a perfect gentleman. After the movie I thanked him for dinner and left. He looked disappointed, but I honestly didn't feel a connection. He wrote that night asking to see me again, but admitted that he got the feeling I wasn't interested. I responded that I had a nice time, but no I didn't see the potential for a relationship. He said he very much enjoyed my company and I was welcomed to call if ever I changed my mind. I felt bad, but I can't pretend. If it's not there, it's not there. I thanked him again and wished him luck with his search.
32. The Naval Officer * another story I remembered and inserted here
He was older, 58. Divorced with no children. He had retired from the Navy, but continued to work at DND. His profile was very well written and we had many similar interest, more specifically travel. What stood out most for me where all the pictures from his world travels.
The introductory email was great and he obviously read my profile because he touched on many points. I did tell him I had young children, but he didn't seem to care. He wanted to meet and talk over a glass of wine. A refreshing change to the usual coffee date.
We moved to the phone and at first he was very polite, but all of sudden he sounded arrogant and rude. When he returned from a business trip to Vegas, he called and said he had a load of "Seamen" waiting for me. Ha, ha, was that a naval joke? How rude and disgusting when you haven't even met yet. From then on all he wanted to talk about was sex. It was such a turn off. The date was cancelled and I told him to keep on swimming and take all of his semen with him because I wasn't interested. There are some sick idiots out there!
33. The Contractor
He was tall, dark and handsome, divorced with 2 kids. He had his own construction company and did commercial buildings and restaurant re-fits. The company name was very familiar, but I couldn't place it. I later learned why. He had a good sense of humour and I enjoyed talking to him. He finally suggested we meet for drinks. My ex was supposed to take the kids that Thursday night, so we agreed to meet then. We would confirm the day before. I didn't hear from him again, which I found odd since we were talking regularly. Oh well, I figured another vanishing act. This was common with online dating.
On Thursday afternoon, my ex calls to tell me he's not picking the children up. No surprise, this was a regular occurrence. Later that night just after I put the kids to bed I heard banging at the door. I wasn't expecting anyone. It was my ex. He barged in and started yelling at me.
Him: "Who do you think you are? You lied to me."
Me: "What are you talking about? You need to leave right now."
Him: "Where's M---?"
Me: "Who?"
Him: "Don't play stupid with me and stop lying. You were meeting him for drinks tonight."
Me: "What are you talking about? Stop yelling, you're going to wake the kids up."
Him: "You had a date tonight. I went to see M--- yesterday afternoon and he told me he was going to meet a new chick. Guess who's picture he showed me? I can't believe you put yourself online to meet strange men. If you want sex or a relationship you shouldn't have left me. What is wrong with you?"
Me: "What I do is none of your business, I don't need your permission. We're done, I'm never going back to you. He never confirmed, I haven't heard from him since Tuesday so there was no date tonight, not that I owe you an explanation. Leave right now."
Him: "You make me sick. By the way, he's married. I can't believe you!"
Me: "Married? Great, if he's a friend of yours I shouldn't be surprised. He told me he was divorced. Unbelievable! Now get out. Tell him never to call me again, the two of you would make a perfect couple. Leave now!"
Him: "You better watch yourself, I'm not finished with you."
Then he turned and slammed the door behind him. OMG, my worst nightmare was just realized. What are the odds that I'd meet one of my controlling ex's friends online? No wonder the company name sounded familiar, he was one of the contractors that had done work at several of my ex's businesses. Plus, he's married to boot! Just when I thought things couldn't get worse.
I was going to have to lay low for a while. Adding my ex to the mix made things very overwhelming to say the least. Ottawa is a small city, this was bound to happen sooner or later. What a nightmare!
Time to revisit my options.
Dateless in Ottawa
Monday 8 February 2016
Even more discussions to avoid on first dates...
This is turning out to be an endless collection of what not to say! I'll have to do a post on "What not to do" during a first or any date to compliment what you shouldn't talk about. We'll leave that for another day.
10. Finances and money
I don't need to know or want to hear about the following:
- How broke you are
We all have our debts and financial constraints. You better not expect me to feel sorry for you and pick up the tab because you asked me out. Even worse when you show up in a luxury vehicle wearing a designer suit and jewellery. My heart bleeds for you...Not!
- How your ex was awarded way too much alimony
Being a single Mom of 3 that never got any alimony or child support because my ex was self-employed and better at hiding his assets, don't expect any sympathy from me. At the end of the day you picked her.
- How much you owe in child support
Please see my response above. They are your children and your responsibility so man up.
- How expensive dating is
Really? That's a turn on when you're getting to know someone...Not! Dating doesn't have to be expensive. If you can't afford it, don't do it. Once again, don't expect me to pay the bill if you asked me out.
- Assigning crazy values to everything
My house is worth $1.2 million, I have a $4K commercial coffee machine, I only wear Hugo Boss, my best friend is a doctor and he makes $1.5 million a year, etc. If you're whole world revolves around money, labels and toys, I'm not for you. Look up the word "humble" might come in handy.
11. You
Yes, parts of the conversation will be on us; our accomplishments, family, jobs, interests, etc. But if you're going to sit there and brag about how good looking, smart and successful you are, you'll lose me. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A confident man is sexy, arrogance is a major turn off! In my opinion, humility is a far more attractive trait.
12. Name dropping
Congratulations, you know the top heart surgeon in Canada, all the politicians and various celebrities. My job has me meeting all kinds of people, but I have no need to rub it in anyone's face. Let's focus on getting to know each other instead of talking about all the people we know or claim to know and their connections.
I could keep going, but best to stop here. At the end of the day, a rule of thumb to apply is that one should exercise tact. Furthermore, you should be you and not try to pretend to be something or someone you're not. Keep it simple!
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
10. Finances and money
I don't need to know or want to hear about the following:
- How broke you are
We all have our debts and financial constraints. You better not expect me to feel sorry for you and pick up the tab because you asked me out. Even worse when you show up in a luxury vehicle wearing a designer suit and jewellery. My heart bleeds for you...Not!
- How your ex was awarded way too much alimony
Being a single Mom of 3 that never got any alimony or child support because my ex was self-employed and better at hiding his assets, don't expect any sympathy from me. At the end of the day you picked her.
- How much you owe in child support
Please see my response above. They are your children and your responsibility so man up.
- How expensive dating is
Really? That's a turn on when you're getting to know someone...Not! Dating doesn't have to be expensive. If you can't afford it, don't do it. Once again, don't expect me to pay the bill if you asked me out.
- Assigning crazy values to everything
My house is worth $1.2 million, I have a $4K commercial coffee machine, I only wear Hugo Boss, my best friend is a doctor and he makes $1.5 million a year, etc. If you're whole world revolves around money, labels and toys, I'm not for you. Look up the word "humble" might come in handy.
11. You
Yes, parts of the conversation will be on us; our accomplishments, family, jobs, interests, etc. But if you're going to sit there and brag about how good looking, smart and successful you are, you'll lose me. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A confident man is sexy, arrogance is a major turn off! In my opinion, humility is a far more attractive trait.
12. Name dropping
Congratulations, you know the top heart surgeon in Canada, all the politicians and various celebrities. My job has me meeting all kinds of people, but I have no need to rub it in anyone's face. Let's focus on getting to know each other instead of talking about all the people we know or claim to know and their connections.
I could keep going, but best to stop here. At the end of the day, a rule of thumb to apply is that one should exercise tact. Furthermore, you should be you and not try to pretend to be something or someone you're not. Keep it simple!
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 7 February 2016
More topics to avoid on first dates
A few more discussions you should hold off on during those initial stages.
6. Criminal records and/or arrest records and restraining orders
These are not to be taken lightly. Yes we all make mistakes and I fully agree that everyone deserves a second chance, but when you're going to gloat and laugh about having a record of any kind that sets off all kinds of red flags for me. Admitting to having made mistakes and demonstrating remorse is a completely different thing. By the same token, I'm not willing to put my job at risk so I'd be forced to walk away.
As it relates to restraining orders, for me it says you have some unresolved issues. The men that I've met that had these, were put in place by their ex's. I get it, these can be unfounded resulting from a fit of rage or revenge after a bad break-up. Experience has also taught me that when an ex who has put a restraining order in place finds out a man has moved on and has a new lady in his life, things can get really nasty. I'm not interested in getting caught in the cross fire or having to sneak around like a teenager. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and I don't want another one.
In cases where a restraining order is founded due to abuse, then you're not the kind of person I want or need in my life. Thanks for letting me know in advance. I bid you farewell.
7. Your sexual conquests
Do you really think you're going to impress me by rhyming off the names of all the women you've slept with and what their favourite sexual positions were? Please get me a bucket. I'm no prude, but spare me the details. All that comes to mind is how many STDs you might have and not even realize it. You're done, this date is over. Learn to exercise a bit of discretion and respect, if not for yourself, for the women you slept with. In return, I promise not to go into details about my past relationships.
8. Sex
You haven't met me yet so suffice it to say yes, I love sex. I think it's a wonderful thing and extremely important in a relationship. Both people have to be on the same page, so if you don't like sex this won't work. For now, we haven't met and have to figure out whether or not we're a match so let's leave the rest of the details for later. Keep in mind that every person is different so what worked with one may not work with another. A relationship is about two people exploring each other and getting to know each other inside and out, so we'll cross that bridge if and when we get there. Haven't you heard of creating a bit of mystery and intrigue? Don't spoil it!
This kind of ties in to #7. No need to kiss and tell. Create your own memories and likes with the person you're with now. You can certainly apply what you've learned, but the past is gone move forward.
I'll further add strange fetishes under this category. I fully support the live and let live moto. As open minded as I am, for me a relationship and physical intimacy is only shared between two people. If you need to have threesomes, are into BDSM, having sex with men, orgies.....please move on, I'm not for you. And no, you won't change my mind so don't bother trying to convince me. Those who tried, failed miserably.
9. Talking badly about others
You hate your ex, she's a bitch. There's no lack of negative comments about every person that walks by. The world is against you and now you're being rude to the waiter/waitress. Time for a reality check, you're not perfect so get off your high horse. This kind of bad mouthing and talking down to others does not paint you in a very flattering light. If you were trying to turn me off, congratulations you've succeeded beyond all expectations. Best of luck with your search!
I have more, but need to get back to my vacation.
Dateless in Ottawa
6. Criminal records and/or arrest records and restraining orders
These are not to be taken lightly. Yes we all make mistakes and I fully agree that everyone deserves a second chance, but when you're going to gloat and laugh about having a record of any kind that sets off all kinds of red flags for me. Admitting to having made mistakes and demonstrating remorse is a completely different thing. By the same token, I'm not willing to put my job at risk so I'd be forced to walk away.
As it relates to restraining orders, for me it says you have some unresolved issues. The men that I've met that had these, were put in place by their ex's. I get it, these can be unfounded resulting from a fit of rage or revenge after a bad break-up. Experience has also taught me that when an ex who has put a restraining order in place finds out a man has moved on and has a new lady in his life, things can get really nasty. I'm not interested in getting caught in the cross fire or having to sneak around like a teenager. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and I don't want another one.
In cases where a restraining order is founded due to abuse, then you're not the kind of person I want or need in my life. Thanks for letting me know in advance. I bid you farewell.
7. Your sexual conquests
Do you really think you're going to impress me by rhyming off the names of all the women you've slept with and what their favourite sexual positions were? Please get me a bucket. I'm no prude, but spare me the details. All that comes to mind is how many STDs you might have and not even realize it. You're done, this date is over. Learn to exercise a bit of discretion and respect, if not for yourself, for the women you slept with. In return, I promise not to go into details about my past relationships.
8. Sex
You haven't met me yet so suffice it to say yes, I love sex. I think it's a wonderful thing and extremely important in a relationship. Both people have to be on the same page, so if you don't like sex this won't work. For now, we haven't met and have to figure out whether or not we're a match so let's leave the rest of the details for later. Keep in mind that every person is different so what worked with one may not work with another. A relationship is about two people exploring each other and getting to know each other inside and out, so we'll cross that bridge if and when we get there. Haven't you heard of creating a bit of mystery and intrigue? Don't spoil it!
This kind of ties in to #7. No need to kiss and tell. Create your own memories and likes with the person you're with now. You can certainly apply what you've learned, but the past is gone move forward.
I'll further add strange fetishes under this category. I fully support the live and let live moto. As open minded as I am, for me a relationship and physical intimacy is only shared between two people. If you need to have threesomes, are into BDSM, having sex with men, orgies.....please move on, I'm not for you. And no, you won't change my mind so don't bother trying to convince me. Those who tried, failed miserably.
9. Talking badly about others
You hate your ex, she's a bitch. There's no lack of negative comments about every person that walks by. The world is against you and now you're being rude to the waiter/waitress. Time for a reality check, you're not perfect so get off your high horse. This kind of bad mouthing and talking down to others does not paint you in a very flattering light. If you were trying to turn me off, congratulations you've succeeded beyond all expectations. Best of luck with your search!
I have more, but need to get back to my vacation.
Dateless in Ottawa
Saturday 6 February 2016
What not to talk about on a first date.
I'm all for honesty, but when initially getting to know someone you don't want to go overboard. This also applies to emails and conversations before you meet someone. No point in getting into too much detail before you've even determined whether you have chemistry and if the potential exists to embark on a relationship.
I agree there are some things that need to be said to ensure everyone is on the same page, but please spare me the unpleasant gory details. Most of us have been around long enough to understand fully about various disorders and symptoms of conditions. When we don't, we can ask you to elaborate or use Google!
On a first date, I get it, we're nervous and some times things come out accidentally. I try to be understanding and lend a compassionate ear, but I have my limits and chances are it will be a very short date or conversation. Actually, more than likely the last date too! Certain things can wait and be discussed at a later, more appropriate time on a need to know basis. The best advice I can give is "Please, please, please think before you speak!." Some times silence is best.
These are just a few I've come across, I'm quite certain many of you have others. Please feel free to share.
Topics to avoid on a first date:
1. Incontinence problems
Going into details about your bladder incontinence problems is not a good topic of discussion to have over drinks or dinner for that matter. OMG really? I'm trying to enjoy my drink and be supportive, but that's way too much information in addition to the fact that you're visiting the washroom every 15 minutes. Even harder to focus when you happen to be drinking yellow lemonade! And they say women go to the washroom too often??? Not! I don't need a list of all your upcoming urologist appointments. If you need a drive I'll be happy to help, but please don't get into graphic details about the procedures you've had or will under go in the near future. If this was a ploy to turn me off, bravo you succeeded!
2. Hemorrhoids
This one is no better than #1. I'm well versed in what these are. Spare me the details on leakage, odours and treatments. Are you kidding me? What are people thinking when they bring up these topics? You're suppose to be trying to impress me. Please try to maintain a certain level of dignity. Think of how you would feel being on the receiving end. The equivalent of a woman going into details about her menstrual cycle or child birth! Thanks, I'll need a few drinks to wipe this from my memory!
3. Erectile dysfunction issues
So, a guy goes on and on about the importance of sex and intimacy in a relationship, then during your first date tells you that his doctor gave him a sample pack and a year long prescription for Viagra. Really? He further adds he's been having issues since he turned 40. We'll leave out the fact that he's now 46. What??? I completely agree, the physical aspect of a relationship is extremely important and now you're basically telling me your member doesn't work. How am I supposed to react? What am I supposed to say? Again, why would you think this was an appropriate subject to discuss while eating? Give your head a shake and please stop talking!
Q: What's even worse than any of the 3 topics above?
A: A guy talking about 2 or more on the same date! Yes, sadly I've experienced it.
I often wonder how I manage to hold onto any hope, let alone maintain my sanity! Hard not to lose faith or start to question what normal is.
4. How much you love your ex
I get that every now and then stories will come up about our past. This is normal, but when you spend an entire hour going on about how great she was with your kids, how much you loved each other and the fact that you ended it because she wanted a baby and now you regret your decision??? Say what? Then you mention that you still see her often and will always be there for her. And you wonder why I ended the date early? Even more sad that I had to explain to you in detail why.
Another guy went on and on about his perfect model ex-wife with green eyes, her amazing body and how gorgeous she was. Her dad was beyond rich with a luxury resort. He loved her to pieces. I was speechless. Sorry, I'm not interested in competing with your ex.
5. Digestive issues and allergies
Basic information about food allergies is important to discuss when making plans involving eating out, but again be mindful of providing way too much information. I don't need to know the graphic details of how your digestive system reacts negatively to different kinds of foods. No honestly, please spare me the play by play. The minute you start talking about diarrhea and gas, you've totally lost me. The last thing I can imagine is getting intimate with you fearing I'll be on the receiving end of some of those negative reactions. Heck, I'm not sure I can sit across from you because I can't get the images out of my head! Sorry, I have to go!
To be continued.....
Dateless in Ottawa
I agree there are some things that need to be said to ensure everyone is on the same page, but please spare me the unpleasant gory details. Most of us have been around long enough to understand fully about various disorders and symptoms of conditions. When we don't, we can ask you to elaborate or use Google!
On a first date, I get it, we're nervous and some times things come out accidentally. I try to be understanding and lend a compassionate ear, but I have my limits and chances are it will be a very short date or conversation. Actually, more than likely the last date too! Certain things can wait and be discussed at a later, more appropriate time on a need to know basis. The best advice I can give is "Please, please, please think before you speak!." Some times silence is best.
These are just a few I've come across, I'm quite certain many of you have others. Please feel free to share.
Topics to avoid on a first date:
1. Incontinence problems
Going into details about your bladder incontinence problems is not a good topic of discussion to have over drinks or dinner for that matter. OMG really? I'm trying to enjoy my drink and be supportive, but that's way too much information in addition to the fact that you're visiting the washroom every 15 minutes. Even harder to focus when you happen to be drinking yellow lemonade! And they say women go to the washroom too often??? Not! I don't need a list of all your upcoming urologist appointments. If you need a drive I'll be happy to help, but please don't get into graphic details about the procedures you've had or will under go in the near future. If this was a ploy to turn me off, bravo you succeeded!
2. Hemorrhoids
This one is no better than #1. I'm well versed in what these are. Spare me the details on leakage, odours and treatments. Are you kidding me? What are people thinking when they bring up these topics? You're suppose to be trying to impress me. Please try to maintain a certain level of dignity. Think of how you would feel being on the receiving end. The equivalent of a woman going into details about her menstrual cycle or child birth! Thanks, I'll need a few drinks to wipe this from my memory!
3. Erectile dysfunction issues
So, a guy goes on and on about the importance of sex and intimacy in a relationship, then during your first date tells you that his doctor gave him a sample pack and a year long prescription for Viagra. Really? He further adds he's been having issues since he turned 40. We'll leave out the fact that he's now 46. What??? I completely agree, the physical aspect of a relationship is extremely important and now you're basically telling me your member doesn't work. How am I supposed to react? What am I supposed to say? Again, why would you think this was an appropriate subject to discuss while eating? Give your head a shake and please stop talking!
Q: What's even worse than any of the 3 topics above?
A: A guy talking about 2 or more on the same date! Yes, sadly I've experienced it.
I often wonder how I manage to hold onto any hope, let alone maintain my sanity! Hard not to lose faith or start to question what normal is.
4. How much you love your ex
I get that every now and then stories will come up about our past. This is normal, but when you spend an entire hour going on about how great she was with your kids, how much you loved each other and the fact that you ended it because she wanted a baby and now you regret your decision??? Say what? Then you mention that you still see her often and will always be there for her. And you wonder why I ended the date early? Even more sad that I had to explain to you in detail why.
Another guy went on and on about his perfect model ex-wife with green eyes, her amazing body and how gorgeous she was. Her dad was beyond rich with a luxury resort. He loved her to pieces. I was speechless. Sorry, I'm not interested in competing with your ex.
5. Digestive issues and allergies
Basic information about food allergies is important to discuss when making plans involving eating out, but again be mindful of providing way too much information. I don't need to know the graphic details of how your digestive system reacts negatively to different kinds of foods. No honestly, please spare me the play by play. The minute you start talking about diarrhea and gas, you've totally lost me. The last thing I can imagine is getting intimate with you fearing I'll be on the receiving end of some of those negative reactions. Heck, I'm not sure I can sit across from you because I can't get the images out of my head! Sorry, I have to go!
To be continued.....
Dateless in Ottawa
Great date #3.
He was a former minister (religious) who left the church and went into hi tech. When the market crashed, they lost everything and his wife left him. They had a daughter and he also had two step daughters. At the custody hearing he was only granted visitation. He was now working at OC Transpo.
We emailed and talked regularly. I was in the middle of finals and tried to focus on that, work and the kids. He had been wanting to meet for a couple of weeks, but I put it off until finals were done. The day of my last final we agreed to meet. My final was scheduled to end at 4:00, so we'd meet for dinner and drinks at 5:30.
Traffic was horrible that afternoon so we were both late. He looked like his picture, only taller with a bit less hair. He had amazing blue eyes. The moment he arrived he ran over and gave me a huge hug, then handed me a dark chocolate Lindt bar. Nice touch and great memory! He was very happy that he was able to recognize me, he said I looked better in person. He'd had a few bad experiences with women not looking anything like their profile pictures.
Dinner was fun. We talked about anything and everything. He was well educated with two degrees and had served in the navy. His parents were British and he had a younger sister that had recently moved in with him after she was jilted at the alter. She worked in hi tech and travelled around the world so wasn't home much.
When I arrived at the restaurant, I noticed there was a Putting Edge next door. The night was still young so I challenged him to a round of glow in the dark mini putt. He was pleasantly surprised, but before agreeing we had to make a wager. Whoever won, got to decide what we were going to do next. We agreed, and off we went!
Glow in the dark mini golf was a riot. There were a few other couples and some kids playing. We were all trying to win and mess up each other's shots. Even though I managed to get 2 holes in one, he beat me so I was at his mercy. What was he going to make me do? He came up with a hilarious list of options.
- go for drinks
- a round of strip poker
- karaoke
- sex
Frankly I was a bit worried for a split second, but he was quite the comedian while behaving like a perfect gentleman so I wasn't too concerned. Drinks at O'Connors was the winning choice, one of his regular hang outs. It was a nice place. A few people he knew were there and the bartender was friendly.
We talked some more then he challenged me to a game of Trivia Pursuit. He had every edition ever released. We went to his place and chose the 90's version. He won again! Next date, dinner would be on me.
Once again what stood out for me was how polite and gentlemanly he behaved. We had a really nice time. Tomorrow was a work day for both of us so we called it a night. He walked me to the van and kissed me good night. He said he'd call to make plans for the weekend.
That was a great date!
Dateless in Ottawa
We emailed and talked regularly. I was in the middle of finals and tried to focus on that, work and the kids. He had been wanting to meet for a couple of weeks, but I put it off until finals were done. The day of my last final we agreed to meet. My final was scheduled to end at 4:00, so we'd meet for dinner and drinks at 5:30.
Traffic was horrible that afternoon so we were both late. He looked like his picture, only taller with a bit less hair. He had amazing blue eyes. The moment he arrived he ran over and gave me a huge hug, then handed me a dark chocolate Lindt bar. Nice touch and great memory! He was very happy that he was able to recognize me, he said I looked better in person. He'd had a few bad experiences with women not looking anything like their profile pictures.
Dinner was fun. We talked about anything and everything. He was well educated with two degrees and had served in the navy. His parents were British and he had a younger sister that had recently moved in with him after she was jilted at the alter. She worked in hi tech and travelled around the world so wasn't home much.
When I arrived at the restaurant, I noticed there was a Putting Edge next door. The night was still young so I challenged him to a round of glow in the dark mini putt. He was pleasantly surprised, but before agreeing we had to make a wager. Whoever won, got to decide what we were going to do next. We agreed, and off we went!
Glow in the dark mini golf was a riot. There were a few other couples and some kids playing. We were all trying to win and mess up each other's shots. Even though I managed to get 2 holes in one, he beat me so I was at his mercy. What was he going to make me do? He came up with a hilarious list of options.
- go for drinks
- a round of strip poker
- karaoke
- sex
Frankly I was a bit worried for a split second, but he was quite the comedian while behaving like a perfect gentleman so I wasn't too concerned. Drinks at O'Connors was the winning choice, one of his regular hang outs. It was a nice place. A few people he knew were there and the bartender was friendly.
We talked some more then he challenged me to a game of Trivia Pursuit. He had every edition ever released. We went to his place and chose the 90's version. He won again! Next date, dinner would be on me.
Once again what stood out for me was how polite and gentlemanly he behaved. We had a really nice time. Tomorrow was a work day for both of us so we called it a night. He walked me to the van and kissed me good night. He said he'd call to make plans for the weekend.
That was a great date!
Dateless in Ottawa
Another great date!
He was from Cornwall, divorced with 2 kids and looking to move to Ottawa. We had emailed and talked on the phone for hours. One evening during a phone conversation he asked me what I was up to.
Me: "No plans. The kids are having a sleep over at my parents' house so I'm taking it easy and doing a few chores."
Him: "I don't have my kids this weekend either. I'd really like to meet you. Can I take you out for dinner tonight? If I head out now I can be in Ottawa for 6:00."
Me: "That would be nice. I could meet you half way, I feel bad making you come all the way to Ottawa."
Him: "Not at all, I'm asking you out and I don't mind driving. It's not far, I'm there often. If you'd rather plan for another time that's fine too, I don't want to appear pushy."
Me: "Tonight is perfect, thank you. I look forward to meeting you."
Him: "You pick a restaurant and I'll meet you there. Just let me know the address and give me some basic directions. I'm pretty familiar with Ottawa so I'll find it."
Me: "What kind of food do you like?"
Him: "I'm not fussy, whatever you like is fine."
Me: "Any particular neighbourhood you're more familiar with? How about Little Italy?"
Him: "Is that around Preston Street?"
Me: "Yes. If you like Italian, Trattoria has good food. Just on the corner at Gladstone."
Him: "Perfect, I know where that is. Can we meet for 6:30 since we've talked for another 20 minutes?"
Me: "Lol, yes of course. I'll meet you in the parking lot."
It was a Saturday night, but the restaurant was dead. There were only a couple of tables. The waitress suggested a nice table upstairs on the roof top patio. It was a beautiful Summer night. We were the only ones on the roof top. The servers were very attentive and served us hand and foot, they even brought out samples of different appetizers for us to try.
He was tall and attractive, looked better than his picture. I loved how he openned doors, had me go first and remembered things I had told him. Chivalry is huge for me and he had it down pat. He had a great sense of humour and the conversation flowed easily. When we finished dinner, I didn't want the night to be over. Neither one of us had plans or the kids so I suggested going to see a movie. He seemed thrilled with my suggestion. He paid the bill and off we went.
We saw Batman, it was really good. Afterwards he suggested grabbing a drink or coffee across the way at Moxie's. I agreed. We had a great conversation and laughed lots. It was a very enjoyable evening.
When we finished our drinks, I paid, against his wishes and he walked me to my van. He openned the door and helped me in. I got a kiss on the cheek and he thanked me for agreeing to meet him on such short notice. We said good night and parted ways.
When he got home he called to make sure I had arrived home safely. He also thanked me again for a wonderful evening and we made plans to have lunch later in the week.
Another great date!
We went out a few more times after that and always had fun. This is the guy that freaked out and disappeared when I asked him to be my date for a girlfriend's wedding. Oh well, next!
Dateless in Ottawa
Me: "No plans. The kids are having a sleep over at my parents' house so I'm taking it easy and doing a few chores."
Him: "I don't have my kids this weekend either. I'd really like to meet you. Can I take you out for dinner tonight? If I head out now I can be in Ottawa for 6:00."
Me: "That would be nice. I could meet you half way, I feel bad making you come all the way to Ottawa."
Him: "Not at all, I'm asking you out and I don't mind driving. It's not far, I'm there often. If you'd rather plan for another time that's fine too, I don't want to appear pushy."
Me: "Tonight is perfect, thank you. I look forward to meeting you."
Him: "You pick a restaurant and I'll meet you there. Just let me know the address and give me some basic directions. I'm pretty familiar with Ottawa so I'll find it."
Me: "What kind of food do you like?"
Him: "I'm not fussy, whatever you like is fine."
Me: "Any particular neighbourhood you're more familiar with? How about Little Italy?"
Him: "Is that around Preston Street?"
Me: "Yes. If you like Italian, Trattoria has good food. Just on the corner at Gladstone."
Him: "Perfect, I know where that is. Can we meet for 6:30 since we've talked for another 20 minutes?"
Me: "Lol, yes of course. I'll meet you in the parking lot."
It was a Saturday night, but the restaurant was dead. There were only a couple of tables. The waitress suggested a nice table upstairs on the roof top patio. It was a beautiful Summer night. We were the only ones on the roof top. The servers were very attentive and served us hand and foot, they even brought out samples of different appetizers for us to try.
He was tall and attractive, looked better than his picture. I loved how he openned doors, had me go first and remembered things I had told him. Chivalry is huge for me and he had it down pat. He had a great sense of humour and the conversation flowed easily. When we finished dinner, I didn't want the night to be over. Neither one of us had plans or the kids so I suggested going to see a movie. He seemed thrilled with my suggestion. He paid the bill and off we went.
We saw Batman, it was really good. Afterwards he suggested grabbing a drink or coffee across the way at Moxie's. I agreed. We had a great conversation and laughed lots. It was a very enjoyable evening.
When we finished our drinks, I paid, against his wishes and he walked me to my van. He openned the door and helped me in. I got a kiss on the cheek and he thanked me for agreeing to meet him on such short notice. We said good night and parted ways.
When he got home he called to make sure I had arrived home safely. He also thanked me again for a wonderful evening and we made plans to have lunch later in the week.
Another great date!
We went out a few more times after that and always had fun. This is the guy that freaked out and disappeared when I asked him to be my date for a girlfriend's wedding. Oh well, next!
Dateless in Ottawa
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