I went away for a much needed vacation. Escaping the daily routine and work made a huge difference. I came back refreshed and ready to face the world, or at least tackle another round of online dating! Lol During my vacation I broke my ankle, but this wasn't going to stop me. I could use the injury to further test the limits of chivalry! My colleagues and the guys at work were awesome. They'd call when we had meetings and offer to pick me up and drop me off. Co-workers laughed and said I was better off than our Deputy, I had several drivers!
12. Mr. Multiple Personality
He was tall, with dark hair and eyes. He was a couple of years younger. The status said separated with a young daughter with joint custody. He had recently moved to Ottawa for a promotion. His email was very charming. Up to this point "separated" usually meant very married so I was cautious. We soon started texting, talked a few times then met for coffee.
He was definitely tall, 6'3 and looked far better in person. We had similar family backgrounds and European decent so we laughed at stories about our huge family dinners, holidays and our parents' accents and interesting habits. I felt a connection, but there was something that didn't feel right. I trusted my gut and kept my guard up. We talked and texted often and went out a few times. I continued to go on other dates which made him upset, but he was doing the same thing. As far as I was concerned we weren't in a relationship so I didn't owe him anything. He was doing the pursuing, but I wasn't biting. It was obvious he was accustomed to getting what he wanted. He'd met his match, this chick was no push over. You need more than good looks and charm to win me over.
His story changed often. The ex and his family were in Toronto, he'd won custody of his daughter and moved her to Ottawa, then he had kidney stones, the ex was visiting for a week.....He'd disappear, then reappear. The profile was deleted, then back up again. Eventually I'd had enough. Weeks later there was a new profile, guess who it was? Only this time his name was different. Worst thing was he was stupid enough to view my profile so of course I saw his picture and recognized him. I wrote to him and called him out. He was pissed off. It all made sense now, he wasn't separated. Another married moron playing games online. He deleted his profile, but a few days later he created another one and changed his name yet again. You'd think he use a different picture, but no it was the same one. He wrote telling me how much he enjoyed my company and how he was struggling with what to do. He needed time to sort things out. In the meantime we could be friends and hang out once in while. Friends??? I told him he was dreaming in technicolour. Friendship means there is trust, kinda hard to do when he doesn't even know what his name is, he keeps disappearing and his story changes constantly. I asked him if he was suffering from multiple personality disorder, he claimed he had to protect his reputation. That was hilarious and he posts his picture on POF for millions to see? I wouldn't trust this guy as far as I could pick him up and throw him (at his size, that wouldn't be very far!). It was guys like this that ruined it for women who were honest and seriously looking for a relationship. I told him to grow up and get a life. He kept emailing so I blocked him.
13. The Financial Investor
This guy was 62, recently widowed and had no children. He was tall with auburn hair and light eyes. From his profile pictures he seemed very active and appeared younger than his age. The age stumped me a bit because my kids were young. I had doubts this would be a good match.
He was a great writer. I was upfront about my kids and their ages, but he insisted on meeting. We went for lunch. He owned his own investment company, loved to travel, enjoyed cooking and entertaining, had a passion for skiing and loved fast cars...many of the same things I liked. He'd just purchased a new toy and had already gotten 2 speeding tickets in less than a week! Two lead foots, we'd make a great couple! We also lived close to each other. The conversation flowed really well and we had a nice time. On the other hand, he was a jet setter that could pick up and go on a moment's notice. His company pretty much ran itself and he was able to manage it remotely. Recently he had travelled south for a wedding and on a whim decided to stay for 3 months. I couldn't do this with my kids, school and work. As much as it would have been fun and exciting, there was no way it would work at this stage in my life. We exchanged recipes and talked about the different countries we had visited. He was a very interesting man and intellectually we are on the same page. I was open to friendship, but he wanted more. I sincerely hope he finds what he's looking for, he has a lot to offer the right woman.
On a positive note, this demonstrated that there are some really nice guys out there. Sadly they are far out numbered by their lying, cheating counterparts, but it gave me some much needed hope. Eventually I would find my match. Chances were this was going to take a long time so I needed to learn to be more patient.
14. Mr. HVAC
He was a bit older, 52 and single with 2 girls. He was average height and build with dark hair and eyes. His profile was hilarious. One of those you never forget. It was obvious from his introductory email that he had a great sense of humour. "So, are you drowning yet?" It was short, but I laughed and had to respond. My opening line had been, "Jumping in with both feet and holding my breath!" For status he had - dating but nothing serious. I was looking for long-term, but who knows you have to start some where.
We quickly switched to texting and learned that our work overlapped. He worked in many of our buildings so we understood each other's work. It was really neat to be able to talk about the different challenges we faced. If you don't work in government or have contracts with a government department, it's difficult to understand processes and why it takes so long to do something simple. Having kids of the same age also gives us plenty to talk about along with trading tips and tricks on how to handle certain issues.
He extended an invitation to meet and I suggested we make it more interesting by comparing online dating stories and whoever had the best one, would get treated by the other. He thought that was a great idea. We met at Dow's Lake. It was weird because when I arrived he seemed to be hiding and kept his distance. He extended his hand to shake mine, but then a look of relief washed over his face and he pulled me in for a hug. He later confided that his last date looked like she'd just rolled out of bed. She was dirty, didn't look anything like her picture and hadn't brushed her hair or cleaned up. He wasn't sure what was going to show up and was pleasantly surprised and relieved when he saw me. I laughed when he said, "You smelled so good!" He looked better than his picture and also smelled nice. Lol
Dinner was a riot. We laughed the whole time. Of course, my dog collar story blew his stories out of the water so he paid for dinner. Afterwards we went for a walk. This is the gentleman I was with when we were attacked by the squirrel in the park. That little bugger had a great arm! We walked back to the parking lot. He was blown away by my truck. I swear some times my truck gets more attention than I do!
The chemistry was there and we always have a great time, but with our kids' sporting activities and work schedules, it's very difficult to see each other. As it relates to relationship goals, we're not on the same page either so we've remained friends instead. He's a great cook so it's awesome when we can get our schedules to work and he cooks me dinner! We've had some interesting dates. I think one in particular scarred him for life. I burst out laughing every time I think about it! I'll tell you all about it in another post.
Two nice guys in a row, wow who would have thought! Finally things were looking up and dating was becoming more fun. Even if I didn't find "the one" I was getting out, meeting nice people, having fun and making friends.
Until next time!
Dateless in Ottawa
Thursday 31 March 2016
Wednesday 30 March 2016
Round 16 continued
9. Mr. Medical Supplies
He was divorced, same age as me, had 3 kids older than mine and worked full-time for a pharmaceutical company. According to the profile, he was the same height as me, had dark hair and dark eyes. One son lived with him the others with their Mom.
He was a good writer and we had some common interests. He also had a mixed background and travelled extensively. Based on his profile pictures he seemed like a really fun guy with lots of friends and a passion for travel. We emailed for a bit, then he asked if he could call. The first time he called he could barely speak. I was at a loss, this had never happened to me before. Usually I'm the quiet shy one. He said I made him nervous and he didn't know why because he never freezes up like this. I kind of took that as a compliment, but at the same time I felt bad. I had no idea why I would have that effect on a person. We didn't talk very long. He emailed the next day to apologize and wanted to take me out for lunch to make it up to me.
We met at the restaurant. He was much shorter than he had stated in his profile and bigger than his picture, but he was very polite. We sat down and ordered. Once again, he froze. It was obvious he was nervous and sweating buckets. He was tongue tied and could barely speak. It was cute for the first few minutes, but after a while I was getting a bit fed up. We ate and he loosened up a bit. He told me about his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend. I think I liked it better when he couldn't speak! There were also issues with his kids and finances. Suddenly he looked at his watch and said he had to go, he was going to be late for a meeting. He paid the bill and we left. I started walking to my truck and he ran over and walked me the rest of the way.
Shortly after I got back to work he called to apologize for ending the date so abruptly. He was nervous and had to get back to work, but wanted to make sure I wasn't upset or offended. He said I looked great and he had a nice time. I was indifferent. I told him not to worry I had to get back to work anyways. He said he'd call. Over the weekend he called and asked if I'd go to a friend's party with him, but I had plans. We talked and emailed a few times after than, then he disappeared.
Months later his profile was back up and he added me as a favourite. He emailed me to say he'd been dating someone and things didn't work out. My response: "Welcome back! Best of luck with your search. Hope you find what you're looking for." I think I made it very clear that I wasn't interested. NEXT!!!
10. The IT Specialist
He was 47, divorced with 2 daughters. Apart from working full-time for an IT firm, he also had a small business on the side helping non-profit groups with their IT requirements. He had a European and Middle Eastern background and enjoyed fine dining and travel. When we spoke, he told me about his girls, how he had joint custody and his family background.
We met for drinks a few days later. He was tall (taller than I expected!) with dark hair and light eyes. He dressed well and I liked his accent. We had a really nice time talking about work, family and travel. A while later a rowdy group of guys came into the restaurant and started breaking glasses so it was time to go. He insisted on walking me to my truck. I love watching men's reactions to my vehicle. Totally not what they expect. He had parked far away so I insisted on driving him to his car. When I dropped him off he gave me a hug goodnight and asked me to text him when I got home to make sure I made it ok. We texted for a while that night and he said he wanted to see me again, but wasn't sure I would agree. He thought I looked uncomfortable towards the end our date. I was fine, it was the rowdy guys that ruined it for me. They were so loud we could barely hear ourselves. It really changed the mood in the restaurant, especially when they started breaking glasses and spilling drinks.
We went out again and I very much enjoyed his company. He'd been through a nasty divorce. His ex-wife got the house and most of the assets. I got the impression there were some financial issues and they were not on speaking terms. He wanted to see me again and I accepted. The chivalry had my complete and undivided attention. Not long after I found he was regularly wanting to make plans, but my kids had activities. When I asked him when he had his girls, he seemed to get annoyed. I reminded him he said he had joint custody so I wanted to make plans around both of our kids' schedules. He said he didn't believe in categorizing or labels. What? As it turns out, he did not have joint custody. His ex was awarded custody. He saw his girls if/when they came over to his place which was usually Saturday mornings. If they stayed over, they'd leave around lunch on Sundays. It was obvious he was trying to fill in all his free time during the week and was upset that I was busy. Weekends were off limits, unfortunately that's when I had the most free time!
A few times he talked about meeting my kids, but as far as I was concerned, no one was going to meet anyone's kids anytime soon. Not that he even offered to introduce me to his daughters, I got the feeling that was out of the question. He seemed like a really nice guy and I wanted to get to know him better, but I was in no rush. I hid my profile. He said he didn't need to go in there anymore, but when I logged in to check he was on there daily. He claimed his android logged him in automatically when he turned the phone on and he didn't know how to change the settings. An IT expert and he can't change the settings on his device or hide his profile on POF? Sure! We went out several times and eventually one thing lead to another. I was really put off when he rush me out the door because his girls might be coming over. Was he a teenager having sex in his parents' bedroom? Seriously? Another time I forgot my sweater. He said the whole apartment smelled like me. He loved it, but had to explain to his girls. Are you kidding me? Way too complicated for me. Suddenly the texts and phone calls stopped. NEXT!
11. The Waiter
I work on the Hill often and out of the blue I got an email from a guy saying he'd seen me at work and recognized my picture on POF. He was smitten and wanted to get to know me. Sounded like a story line from a movie, but hey stranger things have happened. We'd both be working on the Hill later that week so he suggested we meet afterwards. His profile picture didn't show his face, but it said he had blond hair and dark eyes. He was a couple of years younger, was divorced and had a young son.
He knew what I looked like so I was at a bit of a disadvantage, but I was game. When I was done working, someone came up behind me and kissed me on both cheeks. I was completely caught off guard. One of my employees was close by and I thought he was going to clock this guy across the head until he realized I was ok and knew him. I recognized him right away, he'd gone to school with my brother. We talked for a while and then I had to head back to the office. I made a few calls. This guy was very married. He called later that night and I asked him a few questions. He insisted he wasn't who I thought he was. Really? I knew his family name and there were several mutual friends, he couldn't deny it. Ottawa is way too small to play these games. When I mentioned I had spoken to my brother and sister, he panicked and said it would be best if we were just friends as my brother would never approve of him anyways. Gee, maybe because you're married??? Unbelievable!
Things were not looking good. I did more searches and sent several introductory emails. A few responses came in saying they didn't think we'd be a match, others said they were already seeing someone. Interesting that their profiles were still up and they were on POF every day! Whatever. The majority didn't respond. I told myself to stay positive and not give up hope. The best things in life come to those who wait. I had to learn to be patient. Not an easy feat for a Latina, but I'd work on it! Lol
Time to plan a vacation and get away! A change of scenery would help me clear my head and come back refreshed and ready to hit the ground running for Round 17!
Dateless in Ottawa
He was divorced, same age as me, had 3 kids older than mine and worked full-time for a pharmaceutical company. According to the profile, he was the same height as me, had dark hair and dark eyes. One son lived with him the others with their Mom.
He was a good writer and we had some common interests. He also had a mixed background and travelled extensively. Based on his profile pictures he seemed like a really fun guy with lots of friends and a passion for travel. We emailed for a bit, then he asked if he could call. The first time he called he could barely speak. I was at a loss, this had never happened to me before. Usually I'm the quiet shy one. He said I made him nervous and he didn't know why because he never freezes up like this. I kind of took that as a compliment, but at the same time I felt bad. I had no idea why I would have that effect on a person. We didn't talk very long. He emailed the next day to apologize and wanted to take me out for lunch to make it up to me.
We met at the restaurant. He was much shorter than he had stated in his profile and bigger than his picture, but he was very polite. We sat down and ordered. Once again, he froze. It was obvious he was nervous and sweating buckets. He was tongue tied and could barely speak. It was cute for the first few minutes, but after a while I was getting a bit fed up. We ate and he loosened up a bit. He told me about his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend. I think I liked it better when he couldn't speak! There were also issues with his kids and finances. Suddenly he looked at his watch and said he had to go, he was going to be late for a meeting. He paid the bill and we left. I started walking to my truck and he ran over and walked me the rest of the way.
Shortly after I got back to work he called to apologize for ending the date so abruptly. He was nervous and had to get back to work, but wanted to make sure I wasn't upset or offended. He said I looked great and he had a nice time. I was indifferent. I told him not to worry I had to get back to work anyways. He said he'd call. Over the weekend he called and asked if I'd go to a friend's party with him, but I had plans. We talked and emailed a few times after than, then he disappeared.
Months later his profile was back up and he added me as a favourite. He emailed me to say he'd been dating someone and things didn't work out. My response: "Welcome back! Best of luck with your search. Hope you find what you're looking for." I think I made it very clear that I wasn't interested. NEXT!!!
10. The IT Specialist
He was 47, divorced with 2 daughters. Apart from working full-time for an IT firm, he also had a small business on the side helping non-profit groups with their IT requirements. He had a European and Middle Eastern background and enjoyed fine dining and travel. When we spoke, he told me about his girls, how he had joint custody and his family background.
We met for drinks a few days later. He was tall (taller than I expected!) with dark hair and light eyes. He dressed well and I liked his accent. We had a really nice time talking about work, family and travel. A while later a rowdy group of guys came into the restaurant and started breaking glasses so it was time to go. He insisted on walking me to my truck. I love watching men's reactions to my vehicle. Totally not what they expect. He had parked far away so I insisted on driving him to his car. When I dropped him off he gave me a hug goodnight and asked me to text him when I got home to make sure I made it ok. We texted for a while that night and he said he wanted to see me again, but wasn't sure I would agree. He thought I looked uncomfortable towards the end our date. I was fine, it was the rowdy guys that ruined it for me. They were so loud we could barely hear ourselves. It really changed the mood in the restaurant, especially when they started breaking glasses and spilling drinks.
We went out again and I very much enjoyed his company. He'd been through a nasty divorce. His ex-wife got the house and most of the assets. I got the impression there were some financial issues and they were not on speaking terms. He wanted to see me again and I accepted. The chivalry had my complete and undivided attention. Not long after I found he was regularly wanting to make plans, but my kids had activities. When I asked him when he had his girls, he seemed to get annoyed. I reminded him he said he had joint custody so I wanted to make plans around both of our kids' schedules. He said he didn't believe in categorizing or labels. What? As it turns out, he did not have joint custody. His ex was awarded custody. He saw his girls if/when they came over to his place which was usually Saturday mornings. If they stayed over, they'd leave around lunch on Sundays. It was obvious he was trying to fill in all his free time during the week and was upset that I was busy. Weekends were off limits, unfortunately that's when I had the most free time!
A few times he talked about meeting my kids, but as far as I was concerned, no one was going to meet anyone's kids anytime soon. Not that he even offered to introduce me to his daughters, I got the feeling that was out of the question. He seemed like a really nice guy and I wanted to get to know him better, but I was in no rush. I hid my profile. He said he didn't need to go in there anymore, but when I logged in to check he was on there daily. He claimed his android logged him in automatically when he turned the phone on and he didn't know how to change the settings. An IT expert and he can't change the settings on his device or hide his profile on POF? Sure! We went out several times and eventually one thing lead to another. I was really put off when he rush me out the door because his girls might be coming over. Was he a teenager having sex in his parents' bedroom? Seriously? Another time I forgot my sweater. He said the whole apartment smelled like me. He loved it, but had to explain to his girls. Are you kidding me? Way too complicated for me. Suddenly the texts and phone calls stopped. NEXT!
11. The Waiter
I work on the Hill often and out of the blue I got an email from a guy saying he'd seen me at work and recognized my picture on POF. He was smitten and wanted to get to know me. Sounded like a story line from a movie, but hey stranger things have happened. We'd both be working on the Hill later that week so he suggested we meet afterwards. His profile picture didn't show his face, but it said he had blond hair and dark eyes. He was a couple of years younger, was divorced and had a young son.
He knew what I looked like so I was at a bit of a disadvantage, but I was game. When I was done working, someone came up behind me and kissed me on both cheeks. I was completely caught off guard. One of my employees was close by and I thought he was going to clock this guy across the head until he realized I was ok and knew him. I recognized him right away, he'd gone to school with my brother. We talked for a while and then I had to head back to the office. I made a few calls. This guy was very married. He called later that night and I asked him a few questions. He insisted he wasn't who I thought he was. Really? I knew his family name and there were several mutual friends, he couldn't deny it. Ottawa is way too small to play these games. When I mentioned I had spoken to my brother and sister, he panicked and said it would be best if we were just friends as my brother would never approve of him anyways. Gee, maybe because you're married??? Unbelievable!
Things were not looking good. I did more searches and sent several introductory emails. A few responses came in saying they didn't think we'd be a match, others said they were already seeing someone. Interesting that their profiles were still up and they were on POF every day! Whatever. The majority didn't respond. I told myself to stay positive and not give up hope. The best things in life come to those who wait. I had to learn to be patient. Not an easy feat for a Latina, but I'd work on it! Lol
Time to plan a vacation and get away! A change of scenery would help me clear my head and come back refreshed and ready to hit the ground running for Round 17!
Dateless in Ottawa
Monday 28 March 2016
Back to online dating and Round 16
I slowly started doing advanced searches and read through profiles from the search results. I also checked out the weekly matches POF sent me. Some seemed way off, others looked good. I must say some profiles left me out of breath. How can any one person do so many activities and have any time to eat let alone sleep or date? Skydiving, P90-X, ultimate frisbee, organized sports several days a week, running, biking....holy smokes when do you work or make time to socialize? If it's this hard to keep up with you simply reading your profile, I don't think I'd be able to keep up in person. Then again, I've met these so called athletic guys like Mr. Former Football Player and Mr. Karate who were referring to their high school selves dating back more than 20 years!
I'm all for putting my best foot forward, but some of these were over the top. Was simple and down to earth too much to ask for? After reading through several profiles, I found a few that stood out. They seemed like regular every day guys with careers and kids, very similar to me and exactly what I was looking for. One thing I double and triple checked was their marital status. Not that there was any guarantee they were being honest given how many married men I'd met in the past!
Time to start composing emails. I had my top 5 profiles and carefully crafted thoughtful emails incorporating things from their profiles. I wanted to demonstrate that I had read the entire profile and paid attention to details while highlighting interests I felt we had in common. For me it was important to inject a bit of humour and make myself stand out. I'm sure guys receive many of the generic "hi" or "hello" emails, I was going to be different.
I wrote several emails and sent them off. Now I'd have to play the waiting game to see how many responses I'd receive, if any. I polled a couple of friends on how many responses they received from the introductory emails they sent and I was very disappointed by the stats. One friend sent out 28 emails and only received 1 response. Others were deleted without being read or they didn't get a response at all. That's so sad. Why are people so rude? Another friend said he'd never received a response to any of his emails. I can't imagine anyone is getting hundreds of emails a day and can't respond to a well written and polite email. I get it, at times we're busy and can't be bothered with these "hi" emails where the sender made no effort whatsoever. Rude ones we simply delete, but when someone puts in the effort have the common courtesy to at the very least acknowledge the email even if it means sending a simple no thanks or I don't think we'd be a match.
Finally after several days, I received a response. The gentleman was very complimentary. He thanked me for my email and said he enjoyed reading my profile, but was currently seeing someone from POF and wished me luck with my search. Another guy simply wrote, "Your not my type" (he needs to use spell check! Lol). At least they responded and I appreciated the compliments and their honesty. As for the rest, no response. Wow, now I understood what guys went through. I found not getting a response was the equivalent of being rejected. This was not fun. The burden shouldn't fall solely on the men. At the end of the day we play a role in how our life will turn out. If we sit, complain and do nothing, we'll have nothing. When you want something, you have to go after it. Anything worth having doesn't comes easy, so I wasn't going to give up. I did a few more searches and wrote down the usernames of the profiles that piqued my interest. When I had a chance, I'd draft some emails to send to them.
In the meantime, another email came in. This officially launched Round 16!
8. The Translator
He sent a very nice introductory email. He was single, a bit older, with no children and lived in Montreal half the time. He was average height with dark hair and dark eyes. Very different from my usual preference, he had long hair. The profile said he was a translator. We emailed a couple of times and he asked about my job. He was very intrigued and invited me for coffee to talk about it more. He had a great French accent and a deep voice.
We met in the market. It was strange that he arrived in a taxi when the profile said he had a vehicle. Oh well, maybe it's in the garage for repairs? He was shorter than he had stated on his profile and looked older. We went inside and he ordered his coffee and dessert. All of sudden I see him pay, take his order and go sit down. Was this guy for real? He didn't just pay for his order and leave me standing there?!? Pretty pathetic when a guy can't afford to buy coffee for a lady when he asked her out. The cashier was surprised too, but I guess she sees all types. For a moment I hesitated and thought how rude. I was very tempted to leave, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all I had already paid for parking and had a sitter so may as well make the best of it. I ordered my coffee, paid and went to find him. That was 2 red flags, but who's counting.
I must admit we had one of the best conversations ever. He was very knowledgeable in the type of work I did and all the intricacies. His translation work had him involved in some aspects of the work I did and he had travelled extensively throughout Europe. When I questioned him about his work and translating, the tone changed. He admitted he hadn't worked as a translator in over 2 years. Excuse me??? Currently he was a full-time student in Montreal and came to Ottawa once a week to work as a teaching assistant as a part of the requirements for his program. So much for living in Ottawa half time and having a vehicle. It took all of 20 minutes to get the truth out of him. Unbelievable! I was less than impressed. No wonder he can't afford coffee, he hasn't worked in over 2 years! I think he sensed my disappointment and said he had to go. He had an early bus back to Montreal and needed sleep. Whatever. We walked out, he jumped into a taxi and was gone. Talk about total lack of chivalry, didn't even offer to walk me to my car. Do these guys truly believe they'll get away with all their lies? Bon voyage! Not long after I noticed he deleted his profile.
Not sure what's worse, getting rejected by email or going out with someone who misrepresented himself and blatantly lied about pretty much everything in his profile. What a waste of time. The truth always comes out so why lie? I don't think I'll ever understand.
Round 16 will continue in the next post!
Dateless in Ottawa
I'm all for putting my best foot forward, but some of these were over the top. Was simple and down to earth too much to ask for? After reading through several profiles, I found a few that stood out. They seemed like regular every day guys with careers and kids, very similar to me and exactly what I was looking for. One thing I double and triple checked was their marital status. Not that there was any guarantee they were being honest given how many married men I'd met in the past!
Time to start composing emails. I had my top 5 profiles and carefully crafted thoughtful emails incorporating things from their profiles. I wanted to demonstrate that I had read the entire profile and paid attention to details while highlighting interests I felt we had in common. For me it was important to inject a bit of humour and make myself stand out. I'm sure guys receive many of the generic "hi" or "hello" emails, I was going to be different.
I wrote several emails and sent them off. Now I'd have to play the waiting game to see how many responses I'd receive, if any. I polled a couple of friends on how many responses they received from the introductory emails they sent and I was very disappointed by the stats. One friend sent out 28 emails and only received 1 response. Others were deleted without being read or they didn't get a response at all. That's so sad. Why are people so rude? Another friend said he'd never received a response to any of his emails. I can't imagine anyone is getting hundreds of emails a day and can't respond to a well written and polite email. I get it, at times we're busy and can't be bothered with these "hi" emails where the sender made no effort whatsoever. Rude ones we simply delete, but when someone puts in the effort have the common courtesy to at the very least acknowledge the email even if it means sending a simple no thanks or I don't think we'd be a match.
Finally after several days, I received a response. The gentleman was very complimentary. He thanked me for my email and said he enjoyed reading my profile, but was currently seeing someone from POF and wished me luck with my search. Another guy simply wrote, "Your not my type" (he needs to use spell check! Lol). At least they responded and I appreciated the compliments and their honesty. As for the rest, no response. Wow, now I understood what guys went through. I found not getting a response was the equivalent of being rejected. This was not fun. The burden shouldn't fall solely on the men. At the end of the day we play a role in how our life will turn out. If we sit, complain and do nothing, we'll have nothing. When you want something, you have to go after it. Anything worth having doesn't comes easy, so I wasn't going to give up. I did a few more searches and wrote down the usernames of the profiles that piqued my interest. When I had a chance, I'd draft some emails to send to them.
In the meantime, another email came in. This officially launched Round 16!
8. The Translator
He sent a very nice introductory email. He was single, a bit older, with no children and lived in Montreal half the time. He was average height with dark hair and dark eyes. Very different from my usual preference, he had long hair. The profile said he was a translator. We emailed a couple of times and he asked about my job. He was very intrigued and invited me for coffee to talk about it more. He had a great French accent and a deep voice.
We met in the market. It was strange that he arrived in a taxi when the profile said he had a vehicle. Oh well, maybe it's in the garage for repairs? He was shorter than he had stated on his profile and looked older. We went inside and he ordered his coffee and dessert. All of sudden I see him pay, take his order and go sit down. Was this guy for real? He didn't just pay for his order and leave me standing there?!? Pretty pathetic when a guy can't afford to buy coffee for a lady when he asked her out. The cashier was surprised too, but I guess she sees all types. For a moment I hesitated and thought how rude. I was very tempted to leave, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all I had already paid for parking and had a sitter so may as well make the best of it. I ordered my coffee, paid and went to find him. That was 2 red flags, but who's counting.
I must admit we had one of the best conversations ever. He was very knowledgeable in the type of work I did and all the intricacies. His translation work had him involved in some aspects of the work I did and he had travelled extensively throughout Europe. When I questioned him about his work and translating, the tone changed. He admitted he hadn't worked as a translator in over 2 years. Excuse me??? Currently he was a full-time student in Montreal and came to Ottawa once a week to work as a teaching assistant as a part of the requirements for his program. So much for living in Ottawa half time and having a vehicle. It took all of 20 minutes to get the truth out of him. Unbelievable! I was less than impressed. No wonder he can't afford coffee, he hasn't worked in over 2 years! I think he sensed my disappointment and said he had to go. He had an early bus back to Montreal and needed sleep. Whatever. We walked out, he jumped into a taxi and was gone. Talk about total lack of chivalry, didn't even offer to walk me to my car. Do these guys truly believe they'll get away with all their lies? Bon voyage! Not long after I noticed he deleted his profile.
Not sure what's worse, getting rejected by email or going out with someone who misrepresented himself and blatantly lied about pretty much everything in his profile. What a waste of time. The truth always comes out so why lie? I don't think I'll ever understand.
Round 16 will continue in the next post!
Dateless in Ottawa
A few more awesome dates
You've been in suspense long enough. Here we go:
3. Lake Leamy
It was a gorgeous day. The sun was shining, there was a slight breeze and it was perfect for a day at the beach. Mr. Navy (you haven't met him yet) suggested it would be a great place to meet for a first date. I fully agreed. During the summer months I spend countless hours there. For me nothing compares to the sun and the sand. I much prefer the ocean, but all things considered Lake Leamy is better than nothing.
I arrived early and was basking in the sun when he arrived. He was on time and easily recognizeable, actually I'd even venture to say he looked better than his picture. It wasn't too difficult for him to find me. Kinda hard for me to hide with this crazy curly hair. He had amazing blue eyes. Not sure why I thought they were brown, the profile pic was a bit dark. I guess when someone has dark hair and a tanned complexion, we don't expect them to have piercing blue eyes. We sat on the beach looking out at the water and talked about anything and everything. The conversation flowed really well and I felt comfortable. There was no pressing need to find an excuse to leave which was really nice! Lol
It was fun watching kids play in the sand and run around in the water. After a while he suggested we wade in the water. I had worn my bathing suit, but he didn't have his so we just walked around in the water. Besides, it was a first date so I wasn't going to prance around in my bathing suit! Lol It was a beautiful afternoon. We had a really nice time. The only negative that comes to mind is that he had said he was going to bring drinks and snacks and didn't. Good thing I brought bottles of water. I'm a person of my word and expect the same from others so I must admit I was a bit disappointed, but I didn't say anything. Chalked it up to forgetfulness or first date nerves. He was really nice and I enjoyed his company. I had dinner plans so we ended the date and agreed to talk later. He walked me to my truck. Turns out we were parked next to each other. He was caught off guard by the truck, most guys are. I guess they figure I drive a "woman" car whatever that is and not a big truck. Always fun to see the look of surprise on their face, then wait for a reaction.
Lake Leamy is a great place to spend a few hours on a beautiful day. They have beach volleyball courts, the lake, a nice sandy beach and beautiful trails for walking or biking. No lack of activities and lots of fun.
4. The Cumberland Heritage Village Museum
So, my date told me to "dress up". That was all the information I was given. As usual, it would be a surprise. Dress up to me means we're going to do something formal so I wore a short black skirt, a tank top and black heels. I later learned that by dressed up he meant dressed warmly. Who would have made that connection? Talk about men being from Mars and women from Venus, sometimes we truly don't speak the same language! Lol
I arrive at his place and he looks me up and down with a puzzled look on his face.
Him: "That's what you're wearing?"
Me: "Yeah....you told me to dress up. You don't like what I'm wearing? Where are we going?'
Him: "It's a surprise. Do you have anything else you can wear?"
Me: "No, this is all I have. Am I not dressed up enough?"
Him: "I just want you to be comfortable. Are you warm enough?"
Me: "Yes, I'm fine."
Him: "Ok, let's go."
We drove for a while and ended up out on country roads. I had no idea where we were or where we were going. Eventually I saw a sign on the side of the road, "The Cumberland Heritage Village Museum". I thought to myself, we're not going there. Well, low and behold he slows down and pulls into the parking lot. It was quite busy, there was a fair of some kind going on. Now I understood why he questioned my outfit, but still couldn't understand why I would have needed to dress up. Oh well, it was a beautiful day. Luckily he brought bug repellent! Lol
He wanted to check out some miniature tractors and they had a steam operated farm equipment demonstration going on. It was pretty neat to see the really old tractors and farming machinery all refurbished and working like new. We walked over to a steam powered stone crusher. The gentleman at the machine quickly motioned us over.
Farmer: "Hello folks, come on over and have a look. I'll show you how this machine works. Young lady, why don't you put a stone into the machine and we'll get it going."
There was a pile of stones on the ground by the machine. Of course I had to pick the biggest one. Had a bit of a balance issue given that I was wearing heels and the weight of the rock, but I was determined.
Farmer: "That rock seems a bit big, why don't you grab a small one?"
Him: "You're going to hurt yourself, that rock is way too big. Look at all the smaller ones, why don't you grab one of those?"
That was all the encouragement I needed to fight with the big rock. I had to prove these men wrong and show them I could do it. I finally got it and threw it into the machine. My date had to catch me cause I almost fell over when I lost my balance, but it was all good. They both laughed at me. Well, doesn't the machine jam. Figures!
Him: "Great, she had to be stubborn and grab the biggest rock. Now look, you broke this nice gentleman's antique machine. See, I can't take her anywhere. How embarrassing."
I felt horrible, but suddenly the machine shook violently, the rock moved and it got crushed! I started jumping up and down doing a victory dance.
Me: "Look, it worked. I did it!"
I had to stop jumping, I almost fell over again. Damp grass is not high heel friendly. The men stood there speechless staring at me. They had both underestimated my strength, then assumed I'd broken the machine. How typical! I felt like the Hulk.
We visited the other exhibits and made our way around the museum. Near the end was a church, I told him we needed to go inside and find a confessional so he could apologize for making fun of me and underestimating my strength! Lol It wasn't a catholic church so he was spared. Definitely a very unique venue for a date. It was a lot of fun. Not sure I'd go back there "dressed up", but will most definitely take the kids to see the special exhibits and fairs. Great place for a unique date!
More to come, hope you all had a Happy Easter!
Dateless in Ottawa
3. Lake Leamy
It was a gorgeous day. The sun was shining, there was a slight breeze and it was perfect for a day at the beach. Mr. Navy (you haven't met him yet) suggested it would be a great place to meet for a first date. I fully agreed. During the summer months I spend countless hours there. For me nothing compares to the sun and the sand. I much prefer the ocean, but all things considered Lake Leamy is better than nothing.
I arrived early and was basking in the sun when he arrived. He was on time and easily recognizeable, actually I'd even venture to say he looked better than his picture. It wasn't too difficult for him to find me. Kinda hard for me to hide with this crazy curly hair. He had amazing blue eyes. Not sure why I thought they were brown, the profile pic was a bit dark. I guess when someone has dark hair and a tanned complexion, we don't expect them to have piercing blue eyes. We sat on the beach looking out at the water and talked about anything and everything. The conversation flowed really well and I felt comfortable. There was no pressing need to find an excuse to leave which was really nice! Lol
It was fun watching kids play in the sand and run around in the water. After a while he suggested we wade in the water. I had worn my bathing suit, but he didn't have his so we just walked around in the water. Besides, it was a first date so I wasn't going to prance around in my bathing suit! Lol It was a beautiful afternoon. We had a really nice time. The only negative that comes to mind is that he had said he was going to bring drinks and snacks and didn't. Good thing I brought bottles of water. I'm a person of my word and expect the same from others so I must admit I was a bit disappointed, but I didn't say anything. Chalked it up to forgetfulness or first date nerves. He was really nice and I enjoyed his company. I had dinner plans so we ended the date and agreed to talk later. He walked me to my truck. Turns out we were parked next to each other. He was caught off guard by the truck, most guys are. I guess they figure I drive a "woman" car whatever that is and not a big truck. Always fun to see the look of surprise on their face, then wait for a reaction.
Lake Leamy is a great place to spend a few hours on a beautiful day. They have beach volleyball courts, the lake, a nice sandy beach and beautiful trails for walking or biking. No lack of activities and lots of fun.
4. The Cumberland Heritage Village Museum
So, my date told me to "dress up". That was all the information I was given. As usual, it would be a surprise. Dress up to me means we're going to do something formal so I wore a short black skirt, a tank top and black heels. I later learned that by dressed up he meant dressed warmly. Who would have made that connection? Talk about men being from Mars and women from Venus, sometimes we truly don't speak the same language! Lol
I arrive at his place and he looks me up and down with a puzzled look on his face.
Him: "That's what you're wearing?"
Me: "Yeah....you told me to dress up. You don't like what I'm wearing? Where are we going?'
Him: "It's a surprise. Do you have anything else you can wear?"
Me: "No, this is all I have. Am I not dressed up enough?"
Him: "I just want you to be comfortable. Are you warm enough?"
Me: "Yes, I'm fine."
Him: "Ok, let's go."
We drove for a while and ended up out on country roads. I had no idea where we were or where we were going. Eventually I saw a sign on the side of the road, "The Cumberland Heritage Village Museum". I thought to myself, we're not going there. Well, low and behold he slows down and pulls into the parking lot. It was quite busy, there was a fair of some kind going on. Now I understood why he questioned my outfit, but still couldn't understand why I would have needed to dress up. Oh well, it was a beautiful day. Luckily he brought bug repellent! Lol
He wanted to check out some miniature tractors and they had a steam operated farm equipment demonstration going on. It was pretty neat to see the really old tractors and farming machinery all refurbished and working like new. We walked over to a steam powered stone crusher. The gentleman at the machine quickly motioned us over.
Farmer: "Hello folks, come on over and have a look. I'll show you how this machine works. Young lady, why don't you put a stone into the machine and we'll get it going."
There was a pile of stones on the ground by the machine. Of course I had to pick the biggest one. Had a bit of a balance issue given that I was wearing heels and the weight of the rock, but I was determined.
Farmer: "That rock seems a bit big, why don't you grab a small one?"
Him: "You're going to hurt yourself, that rock is way too big. Look at all the smaller ones, why don't you grab one of those?"
That was all the encouragement I needed to fight with the big rock. I had to prove these men wrong and show them I could do it. I finally got it and threw it into the machine. My date had to catch me cause I almost fell over when I lost my balance, but it was all good. They both laughed at me. Well, doesn't the machine jam. Figures!
Him: "Great, she had to be stubborn and grab the biggest rock. Now look, you broke this nice gentleman's antique machine. See, I can't take her anywhere. How embarrassing."
I felt horrible, but suddenly the machine shook violently, the rock moved and it got crushed! I started jumping up and down doing a victory dance.
Me: "Look, it worked. I did it!"
I had to stop jumping, I almost fell over again. Damp grass is not high heel friendly. The men stood there speechless staring at me. They had both underestimated my strength, then assumed I'd broken the machine. How typical! I felt like the Hulk.
We visited the other exhibits and made our way around the museum. Near the end was a church, I told him we needed to go inside and find a confessional so he could apologize for making fun of me and underestimating my strength! Lol It wasn't a catholic church so he was spared. Definitely a very unique venue for a date. It was a lot of fun. Not sure I'd go back there "dressed up", but will most definitely take the kids to see the special exhibits and fairs. Great place for a unique date!
More to come, hope you all had a Happy Easter!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 27 March 2016
Unusual, but awesome dates!
Time to add some positive energy to this blog and make you laugh. Most of the dates I'm going to talk about were the brain child of Mr. Grizzly. If you're looking for unique and never a dull moment adventures, he's got that down pat! We've remained friends and it's always fun to spend time with him. The other guys I'll identify as they appear in my posts.
Personally I'm always up for a challenge. Bonus points when a guy can come up with a creative idea or place for a date. You don't have to spend a fortune or over-think, the simpler the better. It's amazing the places you go to on a regular basis that are perfectly suited for a date. Feel free to steal some of these, I had a blast and you can too! If your date can't play along, laugh or finds the ideas stupid, maybe she's not for you. Life's too short, better to laugh and roll with the punches than be snobby and judgemental.
1. Costco
Talk about brilliant! Who doesn't like shopping at Costco? Go big or stay home! When I was asked to go to Costco for a date, I didn't hesitate for a second. First off, I'm a woman so shopping is in the blood. Secondly I'm a Mom of 4 growing children so buying in bulk is the way to go. Third, who doesn't like having company while shopping? It was a win, win situation! For him the fact that you get food samples was an added bonus making it even more appealing. By the way, he still had to buy me lunch he wasn't going to get off that easy! Lol
He picked me up and off we went. When we arrived at Costco, I grabbed a cart. He was single so I figured he could put his stuff in my cart. I was just a little caught off guard when I turned around and saw him pulling 2 carts.
Me: "I already have a cart."
Him: "Yes, I see that. I need two, don't worry just keep walking you'll see."
Ok, off we went. He made sure we walked up and down every single aisle. It was fairly busy, but not too crazy so we managed to navigate successfully with three shopping carts. I still couldn't for the life of me figure out why he needed two carts, but that would soon be revealed.
We get to the paper products and the toilet paper and paper towels were on sale. I grabbed a package of each and off I went.
Him: "You should grab a few more packs of each. They're on sale and with 4 kids you must go through it pretty fast. "
Me: "I still have some, this will do for now."
Well, he adds another package of each to my cart then puts 4 of each in the first of his carts and then 3 packages of Kleenex in the second.
Me: "Are you picking stuff up for other people?"
Him: "No, why?"
Me: "You're going to use all of this?"
Him: "Yeah, I like to be well stocked."
A small crowd had gathered as we were loading our carts and they seemed amused at our exchange. After that in every aisle he managed to find something to draw attention to and rope in whoever was walking by. We were at the smoked oysters. He went on and on about how good they are. I mentioned I personally don't like them, so that was his cue to poll everyone that walked by on whether of not they liked them and why. People were caught off guard, but they played along. One guy got right into it extoling the virtues of oysters and how I should reconsider and try them again because by the way, they are also an aphrodisiac. That just gave my guy even more ammunition.
Him: "See, this guy knows what he's talking about. You have to listen to him! Thank you Sir!"
Then his wife got into it and took my side. It was hilarious. At every aisle I wasn't sure what he was going to come up with and everyone would look stunned and then laugh when they saw his train of shopping carts overflowing with paper products. He even went and got a third cart for food! He asked one of the stock boys if he could leave the full carts at the front until he was finished. Poor kid looked like a deer in headlights, he didn't know what the make of so many carts for one guy.
The laughing continued. I was heading towards the pharmaceutical aisle and hesitated. He was totally going to get me good here. I tried to anticipate what product he'd pick. As I came around the corner I saw the condoms and knew immediately that's what he was going to pick. There was an older gentleman standing right by the condoms. He was patiently waiting for his wife and minding his own business. All of a sudden you heard a loud male voice:
Him: "HONEY, DO WE NEED CONDOMS? LOOK ITS THE BIG CLUB PACK SO THEY'LL LAST US FOR A WHILE. OR MAYBE WE SHOULD GET 2 TO BE SAFE? WHAT DO YOU THINK?"
OMG, I wanted to pee my pants, but I was wearing a dress. The older gentleman froze. The colour drained from his face and he tried to hobble down the aisle as quickly as he could. I thought he was going to have a heart attack. His wife got mad because he took off on her and she had things to put into the cart.
Me: "No honey we don't need condoms, but you should get more lube. Can you check to see if they have any club packs?"
He was impressed with my quick response, I got a thumbs up! He expected me to bolt or stand there frozen with embarssment and speechless. The poor older gentleman suddenly picked up speed and bolted around the corner to escape us. I burst out laughing. I was laughing so hard I was crying. People were wondering what was going on and asked if I was ok.
Him: "See, I can't take her anywhere. How embarrassing. She upset that poor gentleman. Unbelievable!"
When we go to the cash, the poor cashier was floored when he saw not one or two, but three shopping carts full of stuff to ring in, plus mine so 4! It brought new meaning to the expression, "Go big or stay home!" Turns out he often bought in large quantities, but on this particular day he went overboard on steroids to up the entertainment value and see how I would react.
I must say, it was an awesome date. We probably spent close to 2 hours in there, but it flew by with all of his antics and practical jokes. Most people in the store were also very entertained. The couple with the smoked oysters asked us if we went in regularly and on what day because they wanted to be there.
See, we both needed to do groceries so it was an excellent idea. Who would have known grocery shopping could be that much fun!
2. Jean Coutu
We had plans to go to the pumpkin patch and then carve pumpkins with the kids, but I forgot the diaper bag so we had to do a diaper run. Jean Coutu was the closest drugstore, so off we went.
I was just going to run in and run out by myself, but no he insisted on coming in with the baby. I figured, sure why not. Oh, that was so not a good idea!
Off I go to the diaper aisle while he walks around with the baby. Suddenly I recognize a loud voice calling out.
Him: "C----- what pads did you say you wanted? Or was it tampons? There's so many different ones, I don't remember what brand or kind you wanted. Wait, I'll read the packages and you can tell me when I get to the right one."
Sure enough, he started reading the labels out loud. The store had quite a few customers. Most were laughing. The cashiers were quite amused, although the store manager looked visibly annoyed. I ran over and asked him to please stop. That was an even bigger mistake. Then he had to take different packages to the cashier and ask for her opinion on which ones we should buy. OMG, I went back to find the diapers.
It was that time of year when all the Christmas decorations were out. Suddenly I hear all kinds of Christmas music and the manager says,
Manager: "Sir, please don't turn on all the decorations at the same time."
Him: "But I need to hear them all so I can pick which one I like better. The baby wants to listen to them too. Plus we have to test them to make sure they work. Would you buy something defective?"
OMG! I grabbed the diapers and went to find them so we could pay and leave. But oh no, he wasn't finished. They were having a grand old time winding all the toys and the baby was pointing at other ones. I think he successfully managed to get them all playing music at the same time! If looks could kill, the store manager would have killed him several times over. She was so pissed. It was time to go!
The cashier could barely contain her laughter. She thanked us for coming in. As we were leaving, he turns to the store manager and says,
Him: "I'm not sure I like any of those decorations. I think I'll have to come back and try them all again another day because some people (pointing at me!) have no patience and I don't like to be rushed."
Good thing I avoided the contraceptives aisle or we never would have gotten out of there without taking casualties!
Enough laughs for one night, time for a break so you can go pee! Lol I also have to leave you wanting more, sweet dreams!
Dateless in Ottawa
Personally I'm always up for a challenge. Bonus points when a guy can come up with a creative idea or place for a date. You don't have to spend a fortune or over-think, the simpler the better. It's amazing the places you go to on a regular basis that are perfectly suited for a date. Feel free to steal some of these, I had a blast and you can too! If your date can't play along, laugh or finds the ideas stupid, maybe she's not for you. Life's too short, better to laugh and roll with the punches than be snobby and judgemental.
1. Costco
Talk about brilliant! Who doesn't like shopping at Costco? Go big or stay home! When I was asked to go to Costco for a date, I didn't hesitate for a second. First off, I'm a woman so shopping is in the blood. Secondly I'm a Mom of 4 growing children so buying in bulk is the way to go. Third, who doesn't like having company while shopping? It was a win, win situation! For him the fact that you get food samples was an added bonus making it even more appealing. By the way, he still had to buy me lunch he wasn't going to get off that easy! Lol
He picked me up and off we went. When we arrived at Costco, I grabbed a cart. He was single so I figured he could put his stuff in my cart. I was just a little caught off guard when I turned around and saw him pulling 2 carts.
Me: "I already have a cart."
Him: "Yes, I see that. I need two, don't worry just keep walking you'll see."
Ok, off we went. He made sure we walked up and down every single aisle. It was fairly busy, but not too crazy so we managed to navigate successfully with three shopping carts. I still couldn't for the life of me figure out why he needed two carts, but that would soon be revealed.
We get to the paper products and the toilet paper and paper towels were on sale. I grabbed a package of each and off I went.
Him: "You should grab a few more packs of each. They're on sale and with 4 kids you must go through it pretty fast. "
Me: "I still have some, this will do for now."
Well, he adds another package of each to my cart then puts 4 of each in the first of his carts and then 3 packages of Kleenex in the second.
Me: "Are you picking stuff up for other people?"
Him: "No, why?"
Me: "You're going to use all of this?"
Him: "Yeah, I like to be well stocked."
A small crowd had gathered as we were loading our carts and they seemed amused at our exchange. After that in every aisle he managed to find something to draw attention to and rope in whoever was walking by. We were at the smoked oysters. He went on and on about how good they are. I mentioned I personally don't like them, so that was his cue to poll everyone that walked by on whether of not they liked them and why. People were caught off guard, but they played along. One guy got right into it extoling the virtues of oysters and how I should reconsider and try them again because by the way, they are also an aphrodisiac. That just gave my guy even more ammunition.
Him: "See, this guy knows what he's talking about. You have to listen to him! Thank you Sir!"
Then his wife got into it and took my side. It was hilarious. At every aisle I wasn't sure what he was going to come up with and everyone would look stunned and then laugh when they saw his train of shopping carts overflowing with paper products. He even went and got a third cart for food! He asked one of the stock boys if he could leave the full carts at the front until he was finished. Poor kid looked like a deer in headlights, he didn't know what the make of so many carts for one guy.
The laughing continued. I was heading towards the pharmaceutical aisle and hesitated. He was totally going to get me good here. I tried to anticipate what product he'd pick. As I came around the corner I saw the condoms and knew immediately that's what he was going to pick. There was an older gentleman standing right by the condoms. He was patiently waiting for his wife and minding his own business. All of a sudden you heard a loud male voice:
Him: "HONEY, DO WE NEED CONDOMS? LOOK ITS THE BIG CLUB PACK SO THEY'LL LAST US FOR A WHILE. OR MAYBE WE SHOULD GET 2 TO BE SAFE? WHAT DO YOU THINK?"
OMG, I wanted to pee my pants, but I was wearing a dress. The older gentleman froze. The colour drained from his face and he tried to hobble down the aisle as quickly as he could. I thought he was going to have a heart attack. His wife got mad because he took off on her and she had things to put into the cart.
Me: "No honey we don't need condoms, but you should get more lube. Can you check to see if they have any club packs?"
He was impressed with my quick response, I got a thumbs up! He expected me to bolt or stand there frozen with embarssment and speechless. The poor older gentleman suddenly picked up speed and bolted around the corner to escape us. I burst out laughing. I was laughing so hard I was crying. People were wondering what was going on and asked if I was ok.
Him: "See, I can't take her anywhere. How embarrassing. She upset that poor gentleman. Unbelievable!"
When we go to the cash, the poor cashier was floored when he saw not one or two, but three shopping carts full of stuff to ring in, plus mine so 4! It brought new meaning to the expression, "Go big or stay home!" Turns out he often bought in large quantities, but on this particular day he went overboard on steroids to up the entertainment value and see how I would react.
I must say, it was an awesome date. We probably spent close to 2 hours in there, but it flew by with all of his antics and practical jokes. Most people in the store were also very entertained. The couple with the smoked oysters asked us if we went in regularly and on what day because they wanted to be there.
See, we both needed to do groceries so it was an excellent idea. Who would have known grocery shopping could be that much fun!
2. Jean Coutu
We had plans to go to the pumpkin patch and then carve pumpkins with the kids, but I forgot the diaper bag so we had to do a diaper run. Jean Coutu was the closest drugstore, so off we went.
I was just going to run in and run out by myself, but no he insisted on coming in with the baby. I figured, sure why not. Oh, that was so not a good idea!
Off I go to the diaper aisle while he walks around with the baby. Suddenly I recognize a loud voice calling out.
Him: "C----- what pads did you say you wanted? Or was it tampons? There's so many different ones, I don't remember what brand or kind you wanted. Wait, I'll read the packages and you can tell me when I get to the right one."
Sure enough, he started reading the labels out loud. The store had quite a few customers. Most were laughing. The cashiers were quite amused, although the store manager looked visibly annoyed. I ran over and asked him to please stop. That was an even bigger mistake. Then he had to take different packages to the cashier and ask for her opinion on which ones we should buy. OMG, I went back to find the diapers.
It was that time of year when all the Christmas decorations were out. Suddenly I hear all kinds of Christmas music and the manager says,
Manager: "Sir, please don't turn on all the decorations at the same time."
Him: "But I need to hear them all so I can pick which one I like better. The baby wants to listen to them too. Plus we have to test them to make sure they work. Would you buy something defective?"
OMG! I grabbed the diapers and went to find them so we could pay and leave. But oh no, he wasn't finished. They were having a grand old time winding all the toys and the baby was pointing at other ones. I think he successfully managed to get them all playing music at the same time! If looks could kill, the store manager would have killed him several times over. She was so pissed. It was time to go!
The cashier could barely contain her laughter. She thanked us for coming in. As we were leaving, he turns to the store manager and says,
Him: "I'm not sure I like any of those decorations. I think I'll have to come back and try them all again another day because some people (pointing at me!) have no patience and I don't like to be rushed."
Good thing I avoided the contraceptives aisle or we never would have gotten out of there without taking casualties!
Enough laughs for one night, time for a break so you can go pee! Lol I also have to leave you wanting more, sweet dreams!
Dateless in Ottawa
Friday 25 March 2016
Coming up with a game plan
Perhaps there was some truth to men wanting women to be more assertive and take the initiative. For years they had been burdened with the confines of chivalry. It's a wonderful feeling when someone shows interest in you and wants to spend time with you. Why shouldn't a man feel the same way as a woman? I'm still quite old fashioned or traditional if you will. Chivalry is huge for me. I've never been one to take initiative, it felt wrong. Even when I was in a relationship it was hard. Not that I believed a woman should be in a subservient role, but definitely supportive of her mate or husband and he would make most of the decisions. That's how it was with my parents and for me that was normal. Don't get me wrong, when dating I like to treat my partner too. When in a relationship I go out of my way to show my partner how much I care for him. It gives me great pleasure to cook his favourite meal and watch him enjoy it, or arrange for a sitter and surprise him with a date night or weekend get-away, the options are endless. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic and unrealistic, but when it comes to dating and courtship, I still believe the man should be making the first move.
Times change and much like technology evolves, so must our way of thinking and how we do things. The world is nothing like it was before. Long gone are the days of the knights of the round table. We must adapt and forge ahead!
As it relates to online dating, this meant I'd have to build up the courage to send introductory emails to men. Being faced with this challenge, I quickly understood how men felt. Who wants to be rejected? Certainly not me and yet I was the one always waiting for emails to come in with the power to accept or reject. Now the tables would be turned. I'd be sending emails and then playing the waiting game to see if they would respond. Then the added stress of wondering whether it would be a positive response, a rejection or no response at all. How long do you wait? Do you send only one email and wait or can you email several guys at the same time and hope that one answers? What if more than one answers? Oh my, this was getting more complicated than I wanted!
Some online dating sites have the option of paying to become an upgraded member. I laugh at how they market these extra features like they're a good thing. Features can include, but are not limited to:
1. Being able to send gifts
2. Checking when other members were last online
3. See when someone has read your email
4. See if someone has deleted your email
5. Add more pictures to your profile
Sending gifts online does nothing for me, if they were real gifts I might be persuaded otherwise! Lol Not sure I want others to know when I'm online either, but I suppose it's a great way to catch players that claim not to be going online after meeting you. I wish I had a dollar for every time a guy has told me that, I'd be rich! As it relates to seeing when someone has read or deleted your email, I would think that could be even more damaging to one's ego. For me, there's nothing more irritating at work when you receive a notification that someone has deleted an email you sent them without reading it! I take the time to read a profile, write a thoughtful email then I see they read it, but they don't respond or worse they delete it! Some times it's best not to know. Others would argue they want to know so they can move on. To each his/her own. Add more pictures? I hate having my picture taken so trying to find one, let alone three is already challenging enough, why would I want to add more??? Lol
Time to start doing some advanced searches, read profiles from the search results and build up the courage to send out introductory emails. On a positive note, this gave me the power to pick gentlemen I felt had the qualities I was looking for that I might not have communicated with otherwise. I buckled my seat belt in anticipation of a bumpy ride. This was going to be interesting.
Stay tuned!
Dateless in Ottawa
Times change and much like technology evolves, so must our way of thinking and how we do things. The world is nothing like it was before. Long gone are the days of the knights of the round table. We must adapt and forge ahead!
As it relates to online dating, this meant I'd have to build up the courage to send introductory emails to men. Being faced with this challenge, I quickly understood how men felt. Who wants to be rejected? Certainly not me and yet I was the one always waiting for emails to come in with the power to accept or reject. Now the tables would be turned. I'd be sending emails and then playing the waiting game to see if they would respond. Then the added stress of wondering whether it would be a positive response, a rejection or no response at all. How long do you wait? Do you send only one email and wait or can you email several guys at the same time and hope that one answers? What if more than one answers? Oh my, this was getting more complicated than I wanted!
Some online dating sites have the option of paying to become an upgraded member. I laugh at how they market these extra features like they're a good thing. Features can include, but are not limited to:
1. Being able to send gifts
2. Checking when other members were last online
3. See when someone has read your email
4. See if someone has deleted your email
5. Add more pictures to your profile
Sending gifts online does nothing for me, if they were real gifts I might be persuaded otherwise! Lol Not sure I want others to know when I'm online either, but I suppose it's a great way to catch players that claim not to be going online after meeting you. I wish I had a dollar for every time a guy has told me that, I'd be rich! As it relates to seeing when someone has read or deleted your email, I would think that could be even more damaging to one's ego. For me, there's nothing more irritating at work when you receive a notification that someone has deleted an email you sent them without reading it! I take the time to read a profile, write a thoughtful email then I see they read it, but they don't respond or worse they delete it! Some times it's best not to know. Others would argue they want to know so they can move on. To each his/her own. Add more pictures? I hate having my picture taken so trying to find one, let alone three is already challenging enough, why would I want to add more??? Lol
Time to start doing some advanced searches, read profiles from the search results and build up the courage to send out introductory emails. On a positive note, this gave me the power to pick gentlemen I felt had the qualities I was looking for that I might not have communicated with otherwise. I buckled my seat belt in anticipation of a bumpy ride. This was going to be interesting.
Stay tuned!
Dateless in Ottawa
Thursday 24 March 2016
On to Round 15
Bad start, but I wasn't going to let it discourage me. I noticed more and more guys had profiles, and under the "About me" section all they had was, "If you want to know about me, just ask." Others copy pasted "Will fill in later" over and over again to fill in the space. If they weren't going to put in the effort to write a proper profile, they weren't worth my time. A few more compliments, then a proper introductory email.
Round 15:
6. Mr. Secretive
He was 50, divorced and had a grown son. I could tell his picture was not recent. Coaching hockey and being active was important, although he mentioned in his profile something about a medical incident and needing time to recuperate. He was back at work and walking often. The profile was very short and there weren't many interests other than hockey and trying to stay active.
His email was polite and simple. We had a bit of an exchange then he asked if we could meet for dinner. I told him we'd have to talk on the phone first. The conversation was laboured, there were many moments of awkward silence. He seemed very nervous and rusty when it came to dating and talking to women. I tried to encourage conversation by asking him about his medical incident. He became defensive and said he'd tell me if I agreed to meet him for dinner. He added that no one would notice if he didn't tell them what it was. If it's in the profile, be prepared to talk about it! Oh well, it was an excuse to get out so why not?
We agreed to meet at the entrance of the restaurant. I drove by on my way to the parking garage and saw him standing outside. He looked older and was bigger than in his picture. As I was walking to the restaurant, he texted to say it was busy so he was going to grab a table. That was bullshit, it was a Tuesday night and it was dead. I had just driven by and there was no one there.
One of my biggest pet peeves, after the bathroom selfies, is when you're meeting a guy for the first time and he doesn't wait for you outside. For me, a gentleman waits outside and walks in with you. I walk in and he's already sitting comfortably and having a drink? Nope, doesn't work for me. Add the fact that he didn't get up to greet me and I was less than impressed. Guys, at the very least get up to say hello to welcome her, shake her hand or give her a hug! Are we not civilized human beings?
The conversation in person wasn't any better. I had hoped it was just nerves, but we just didn't have much in common. We had a drink and a quick bite at which point he told me about his medical issue. He'd had 3 strokes and was still partially paralysed on one side. No wonder he got a table and waited inside, he didn't want me to notice. He hadn't played hockey in years which I pretty much figured out when I saw him. He was going to physio and walking regularly to rebuild his strength. He was nice, but very much a homebody. Sports weren't for me other than my kids' activities and with my kids being so young I didn't see any potential.
Our date ended. He insisted on walking me to the truck. I didn't want to make him walk so far and he lived out in the country so I asked where he parked. He tells me he took the bus. That made absolutely no sense. At that hour what bus was going to take him home when he lived over an hour outside of the city? Wait a minute! His licence had probably been revoked after the strokes. He walked me to the truck and wished me a safe drive home. I offered to drop him off at the bus stop, but he declined saying he needed to walk. Not sure how he got home, but I'll bet he didn't take a bus.
The next day he sent me a long text telling me how much he enjoyed meeting me and wanted to make plans to get together again on the weekend. As bad as I felt, I had to be honest and tell him I truly didn't feel a connection. I thanked him again and wished him luck with his search.
7. The Telecommunications Consultant
He had a great profile and I could tell he had a great sense of humour. He was 46, tall and blond with blue eyes. Not my usual preference, but one should be open minded and not limit oneself. He was divorced with joint custody of a daughter. He was former military working as a consultant. We had great email, text and telephone conversations. His daughter was the same age as my oldest daughter so it was interesting to compare notes.
Soon after we made dinner plans. When he spotted my truck he walked over and we headed to the restaurant together. He was attractive. He stopped and look at himself in every store window we walked past. A tad annoying, I don't find vanity sexy. We sat down and ordered and that's when things went down the toilet, literally! This is the gentleman I credit with the explicit details on bladder incontinence issues to which he further added how his doctor had prescribed Viagra because "he really needed it." Turning 40 had been a down hill experience for him. His body seemed to be falling apart. I was understandably taken by surprise and tried to be sympathetic, but sat there thinking, "Are you kidding me?" Our phone conversations had been great, no mention of medial issues. He'd gone on and on about the importance of physical intimacy and having a strong bond with your partner. Correct me if I'm wrong, but kind of hard to do when it doesn't work!
I also learned he had more pairs of shoes than I did! Never in a million years did I think that was possible, at least not for a man!
I lost count of how many times he went to the washroom. Deep down I felt sorry for him, but I really didn't want to hear the details of the invasive tests he'd had and upcoming appointments. We finished dinner and decided to call it a night. I enjoyed his company for the most part and told myself he simply needed a sympathetic ear. He insisted on walking me to my truck. He certainly had the chivalry down pat, I appreciated that. As we were walking to the truck he must have said at least 3 times how badly he had to pee and how he was going to stop in a driveway or alley on his way back to his car because he couldn't hold it. OMG! All I could visualize is this guy peeing in someone's driveway in the middle of Westboro. What a turn off. It was busy, there were people all over. Why didn't he go before we left the restaurant? Hell he'd used it numerous times during dinner! Any potential there might have been, quickly dissipated. He managed to sneak in a kiss, but it didn't do anything for me. We texted a bit after that and he helped me with some IT equipment purchases at work, then disappeared.
Not the best of experiences, but they could have been far worse. On a positive note, I was able to get out and socialize. Sooner or later Mr. Right would come along. According to some articles in magazines, men liked women that took initiative. Maybe I needed to take the bull by the horns and start sending some introductory emails. I needed to think about it.
Good night!
Dateless in Ottawa
Round 15:
6. Mr. Secretive
He was 50, divorced and had a grown son. I could tell his picture was not recent. Coaching hockey and being active was important, although he mentioned in his profile something about a medical incident and needing time to recuperate. He was back at work and walking often. The profile was very short and there weren't many interests other than hockey and trying to stay active.
His email was polite and simple. We had a bit of an exchange then he asked if we could meet for dinner. I told him we'd have to talk on the phone first. The conversation was laboured, there were many moments of awkward silence. He seemed very nervous and rusty when it came to dating and talking to women. I tried to encourage conversation by asking him about his medical incident. He became defensive and said he'd tell me if I agreed to meet him for dinner. He added that no one would notice if he didn't tell them what it was. If it's in the profile, be prepared to talk about it! Oh well, it was an excuse to get out so why not?
We agreed to meet at the entrance of the restaurant. I drove by on my way to the parking garage and saw him standing outside. He looked older and was bigger than in his picture. As I was walking to the restaurant, he texted to say it was busy so he was going to grab a table. That was bullshit, it was a Tuesday night and it was dead. I had just driven by and there was no one there.
One of my biggest pet peeves, after the bathroom selfies, is when you're meeting a guy for the first time and he doesn't wait for you outside. For me, a gentleman waits outside and walks in with you. I walk in and he's already sitting comfortably and having a drink? Nope, doesn't work for me. Add the fact that he didn't get up to greet me and I was less than impressed. Guys, at the very least get up to say hello to welcome her, shake her hand or give her a hug! Are we not civilized human beings?
The conversation in person wasn't any better. I had hoped it was just nerves, but we just didn't have much in common. We had a drink and a quick bite at which point he told me about his medical issue. He'd had 3 strokes and was still partially paralysed on one side. No wonder he got a table and waited inside, he didn't want me to notice. He hadn't played hockey in years which I pretty much figured out when I saw him. He was going to physio and walking regularly to rebuild his strength. He was nice, but very much a homebody. Sports weren't for me other than my kids' activities and with my kids being so young I didn't see any potential.
Our date ended. He insisted on walking me to the truck. I didn't want to make him walk so far and he lived out in the country so I asked where he parked. He tells me he took the bus. That made absolutely no sense. At that hour what bus was going to take him home when he lived over an hour outside of the city? Wait a minute! His licence had probably been revoked after the strokes. He walked me to the truck and wished me a safe drive home. I offered to drop him off at the bus stop, but he declined saying he needed to walk. Not sure how he got home, but I'll bet he didn't take a bus.
The next day he sent me a long text telling me how much he enjoyed meeting me and wanted to make plans to get together again on the weekend. As bad as I felt, I had to be honest and tell him I truly didn't feel a connection. I thanked him again and wished him luck with his search.
7. The Telecommunications Consultant
He had a great profile and I could tell he had a great sense of humour. He was 46, tall and blond with blue eyes. Not my usual preference, but one should be open minded and not limit oneself. He was divorced with joint custody of a daughter. He was former military working as a consultant. We had great email, text and telephone conversations. His daughter was the same age as my oldest daughter so it was interesting to compare notes.
Soon after we made dinner plans. When he spotted my truck he walked over and we headed to the restaurant together. He was attractive. He stopped and look at himself in every store window we walked past. A tad annoying, I don't find vanity sexy. We sat down and ordered and that's when things went down the toilet, literally! This is the gentleman I credit with the explicit details on bladder incontinence issues to which he further added how his doctor had prescribed Viagra because "he really needed it." Turning 40 had been a down hill experience for him. His body seemed to be falling apart. I was understandably taken by surprise and tried to be sympathetic, but sat there thinking, "Are you kidding me?" Our phone conversations had been great, no mention of medial issues. He'd gone on and on about the importance of physical intimacy and having a strong bond with your partner. Correct me if I'm wrong, but kind of hard to do when it doesn't work!
I also learned he had more pairs of shoes than I did! Never in a million years did I think that was possible, at least not for a man!
I lost count of how many times he went to the washroom. Deep down I felt sorry for him, but I really didn't want to hear the details of the invasive tests he'd had and upcoming appointments. We finished dinner and decided to call it a night. I enjoyed his company for the most part and told myself he simply needed a sympathetic ear. He insisted on walking me to my truck. He certainly had the chivalry down pat, I appreciated that. As we were walking to the truck he must have said at least 3 times how badly he had to pee and how he was going to stop in a driveway or alley on his way back to his car because he couldn't hold it. OMG! All I could visualize is this guy peeing in someone's driveway in the middle of Westboro. What a turn off. It was busy, there were people all over. Why didn't he go before we left the restaurant? Hell he'd used it numerous times during dinner! Any potential there might have been, quickly dissipated. He managed to sneak in a kiss, but it didn't do anything for me. We texted a bit after that and he helped me with some IT equipment purchases at work, then disappeared.
Not the best of experiences, but they could have been far worse. On a positive note, I was able to get out and socialize. Sooner or later Mr. Right would come along. According to some articles in magazines, men liked women that took initiative. Maybe I needed to take the bull by the horns and start sending some introductory emails. I needed to think about it.
Good night!
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday 23 March 2016
Round 14, taking a deep breath!
After all the positive feedback, I was feeling pumped and ready to conquer the world. There were many more emails from guys with only a "Hi" or Hi there" and several more from guys looking for sex, so delete, delete and delete! Eventually I came across a well written introductory email that caught my attention.
Round 14!
4. An Engineer
We were the same age. He was divorced with 2 young boys and living in the same city. He had a great profile and seemed to be a good writer. According to his profile he was an engineer. He was tall with dark hair and eyes and we had a few similar interests. We emailed a couple of times and then he asked if he could call me. I was excited. The email exchange had been great, I'm a sucker for a good writer so I was anxious to hear his voice and learn more about him.
He called. Within a few minutes I knew something wasn't right. The connection was terrible and he had a very thick accent. I had to ask him to repeat several times and he didn't seem to understand me either. Then I heard another voice. I asked him if there was some else on the phone, but he insisted there wasn't. Then his cell phone rang. He asked me to hold on, it was his sister. He came back and told me his sister said hello and she looked forward to meeting me. What??? Whatever!
I was losing my patience. I questioned him about his profile and the emails because it was very obvious he had a limited grasp of the English language and there was no way he was capable of writing them. He admitted a friend had helped him and then I figured out his friend was on the other line acting as a translator. That explained the constant pauses during the conversation and the voice in the background. A+ for creativity, but I was beyond annoyed. He insisted we had to meet and we'd be a good match, he loved kids, we'd travel. I was done. I told him it was nice talking, but I didn't feel a connection and wished him luck with his search. He asked if he could call again and I said no. Unreal! NEXT!
5. The Business Man
He was 52, tall with blue eyes and a shaved head. He was a business man, but didn't detail what he did exactly. He was divorced with 2 grown children. Solid profile with many common interests. He loved to travel and try different restaurants amoung other things. He said he was drawn to women with olive skin and loved my curly hair. After a couple of emails he asked for my number.
We had great conversations and he was very funny. He's been divorced for a couple of years. It was a nasty one and he was slowly getting out, meeting people and having fun. We talked about our kids, work and different places we'd travelled to. He had a busy schedule with work and travelled a bit, but he wanted to meet for lunch or drinks in the next week. We booked a date and continued to text and talk. One evening his plans were cancelled so he called to see if I was available. I wasn't, but we chatted for a bit and I mentioned the kids would be at my Dad's for the weekend.
Him: "Kids?"
Me: "Yes, I mentioned it in my email response and we discussed that during our first conversation."
Him: "Oh, I don't remember. How many do you have and how old are they?"
Me: "You told me you have 2 grown boys living on their own. I have 4 kids ages 3, 11, 12 and 13."
Him: "Oh, that changes things."
Me: "My profile also mentions kids, did you not read it?"
Him: "I must have missed that. Yeah, I'm reading your profile now and you do mention kids. Sorry but kids are a deal breaker for me. It's been great talking to you, I really enjoyed our conversations. I'm just not interested in starting over with young kids. Good luck with your search."
Me: "Thanks, you too!"
What a great start! Oh well, tomorrow is another day.
Dateless in Ottawa
Round 14!
4. An Engineer
We were the same age. He was divorced with 2 young boys and living in the same city. He had a great profile and seemed to be a good writer. According to his profile he was an engineer. He was tall with dark hair and eyes and we had a few similar interests. We emailed a couple of times and then he asked if he could call me. I was excited. The email exchange had been great, I'm a sucker for a good writer so I was anxious to hear his voice and learn more about him.
He called. Within a few minutes I knew something wasn't right. The connection was terrible and he had a very thick accent. I had to ask him to repeat several times and he didn't seem to understand me either. Then I heard another voice. I asked him if there was some else on the phone, but he insisted there wasn't. Then his cell phone rang. He asked me to hold on, it was his sister. He came back and told me his sister said hello and she looked forward to meeting me. What??? Whatever!
I was losing my patience. I questioned him about his profile and the emails because it was very obvious he had a limited grasp of the English language and there was no way he was capable of writing them. He admitted a friend had helped him and then I figured out his friend was on the other line acting as a translator. That explained the constant pauses during the conversation and the voice in the background. A+ for creativity, but I was beyond annoyed. He insisted we had to meet and we'd be a good match, he loved kids, we'd travel. I was done. I told him it was nice talking, but I didn't feel a connection and wished him luck with his search. He asked if he could call again and I said no. Unreal! NEXT!
5. The Business Man
He was 52, tall with blue eyes and a shaved head. He was a business man, but didn't detail what he did exactly. He was divorced with 2 grown children. Solid profile with many common interests. He loved to travel and try different restaurants amoung other things. He said he was drawn to women with olive skin and loved my curly hair. After a couple of emails he asked for my number.
We had great conversations and he was very funny. He's been divorced for a couple of years. It was a nasty one and he was slowly getting out, meeting people and having fun. We talked about our kids, work and different places we'd travelled to. He had a busy schedule with work and travelled a bit, but he wanted to meet for lunch or drinks in the next week. We booked a date and continued to text and talk. One evening his plans were cancelled so he called to see if I was available. I wasn't, but we chatted for a bit and I mentioned the kids would be at my Dad's for the weekend.
Him: "Kids?"
Me: "Yes, I mentioned it in my email response and we discussed that during our first conversation."
Him: "Oh, I don't remember. How many do you have and how old are they?"
Me: "You told me you have 2 grown boys living on their own. I have 4 kids ages 3, 11, 12 and 13."
Him: "Oh, that changes things."
Me: "My profile also mentions kids, did you not read it?"
Him: "I must have missed that. Yeah, I'm reading your profile now and you do mention kids. Sorry but kids are a deal breaker for me. It's been great talking to you, I really enjoyed our conversations. I'm just not interested in starting over with young kids. Good luck with your search."
Me: "Thanks, you too!"
What a great start! Oh well, tomorrow is another day.
Dateless in Ottawa
Tuesday 22 March 2016
Great feedback, off to a great start!
The emails started flowing in. I was pleasantly surprised at how many emails I received complimenting me on my profile. A few guys simply said they didn't think we'd be a match, but they absolutely had to write to tell me how much they enjoyed reading my profile. Others wrote to say it made them laugh out loud and thanked me for making their day. Wow, what a nice surprise! I was excited and feeling very hopeful.
Point #3 seemed to get the most attention:
"I don’t suffer from recurring headaches, I hope you don’t either!"
When I was drafting my profile I wanted to be a bit flirty. At first I wasn't sure whether this might be too much or misinterpreted, but I'm so glad I left it in. It demonstrated I had a good sense of humour while letting guys know sex was a good thing in a subtle, but humorous way. I think I nailed it based on all the positive comments.
As usual, you always get a few idiots making rude comments and soliciting sex. No thanks, DELETE! This time around I was going to screen emails and profiles more closely. In the past I tried to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, to my detriment. No more wasting time. It was also going to be a requirement that they move to the phone more quickly, then meet soon after talking if the conversation went well and there seemed to be some potential. As my profile stated, I only played games with my kids.
Point #2 got the second most attention. I guess that saying, "The way to a man's heart, is through his stomach" has some truth to it!
"My friends say I’m a great cook, so you’ll never go hungry. By the way, don’t expect me to cook you dinner until at least date #4!"
The most common question on this one was, "How did you decide to wait until date #4 before cooking dinner?" From my experience it was relatively easy to get a first date and often times a second. A third one can be a bit more of a challenge because usually by date #2 you know whether or not you like a person and want to see them again. Date #3 usually confirms how you're feeling. I also find many men tend to disappear at this stage, often without any warning or explanation. If a man successfully manages to keep me interested enough for a fourth date, doesn't pull a disappearing act and I don't detect any red flags, he totally deserves a home cooked meal!
Many also commented that Point #10 was hilarious and how it made them laugh out loud.
"If the seat is up, I’ll put it down!"
I've never understood why this is such a source of contention for women. Really? The men should have an equal right to complain that they always have to put the toilet seat up! We have 2 hands, it's really not that complicated. Chances are if you're stuck, there's a YouTube video that can help you!
Point #9 is huge for me:
"We all need to pursue our interests or hang out with our friends and not necessarily together. We’re not conjoined twins, so sign up for an activity, go play pool or golf or hang out with friends you don’t get to see often. I’ll do the same all the while missing you and looking forward to cuddling when you get home."
For my acceptable age range I decided to go with 40-55. I know that given the younger ages of my kids, this could be an issue for men approaching retirement, but I'd let them know about the kids right away and leave it to them to decide whether or not they wished to move forward. My profile said "kids" and I didn't check off "My kids are all over 18" so common sense should lead one to assume I have at least 2 kids and they are all under the age of 18. Great test to see how many men actually read the entire profile and are able to read between the lines.
Off to a great start, we'll see what happens!
Dateless in Ottawa
Point #3 seemed to get the most attention:
"I don’t suffer from recurring headaches, I hope you don’t either!"
When I was drafting my profile I wanted to be a bit flirty. At first I wasn't sure whether this might be too much or misinterpreted, but I'm so glad I left it in. It demonstrated I had a good sense of humour while letting guys know sex was a good thing in a subtle, but humorous way. I think I nailed it based on all the positive comments.
As usual, you always get a few idiots making rude comments and soliciting sex. No thanks, DELETE! This time around I was going to screen emails and profiles more closely. In the past I tried to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, to my detriment. No more wasting time. It was also going to be a requirement that they move to the phone more quickly, then meet soon after talking if the conversation went well and there seemed to be some potential. As my profile stated, I only played games with my kids.
Point #2 got the second most attention. I guess that saying, "The way to a man's heart, is through his stomach" has some truth to it!
"My friends say I’m a great cook, so you’ll never go hungry. By the way, don’t expect me to cook you dinner until at least date #4!"
The most common question on this one was, "How did you decide to wait until date #4 before cooking dinner?" From my experience it was relatively easy to get a first date and often times a second. A third one can be a bit more of a challenge because usually by date #2 you know whether or not you like a person and want to see them again. Date #3 usually confirms how you're feeling. I also find many men tend to disappear at this stage, often without any warning or explanation. If a man successfully manages to keep me interested enough for a fourth date, doesn't pull a disappearing act and I don't detect any red flags, he totally deserves a home cooked meal!
Many also commented that Point #10 was hilarious and how it made them laugh out loud.
"If the seat is up, I’ll put it down!"
I've never understood why this is such a source of contention for women. Really? The men should have an equal right to complain that they always have to put the toilet seat up! We have 2 hands, it's really not that complicated. Chances are if you're stuck, there's a YouTube video that can help you!
Point #9 is huge for me:
"We all need to pursue our interests or hang out with our friends and not necessarily together. We’re not conjoined twins, so sign up for an activity, go play pool or golf or hang out with friends you don’t get to see often. I’ll do the same all the while missing you and looking forward to cuddling when you get home."
I can't speak for others, but I need my alone time. In a relationship I also feel it is extremely important for partners to do things separately. Whether it's hanging out with friends, going on a trip or doing activities/hobbies you enjoy, I truly believe it makes the relationship stronger and you appreciate each other even more. Remember the saying "Distance makes the heart grow fonder" although others will argue, "Out of site, out of mind." To each his/her own. Having some time apart allows you to extend the honeymoon stage and keep things fresh and exciting. For most men a day of shopping in Syracuse would be the equivalent of a root canal, so why go there? I'll go with my girlfriends and you can stay behind and watch the game with the guys. Again, these are simply my thoughts.
For my acceptable age range I decided to go with 40-55. I know that given the younger ages of my kids, this could be an issue for men approaching retirement, but I'd let them know about the kids right away and leave it to them to decide whether or not they wished to move forward. My profile said "kids" and I didn't check off "My kids are all over 18" so common sense should lead one to assume I have at least 2 kids and they are all under the age of 18. Great test to see how many men actually read the entire profile and are able to read between the lines.
Off to a great start, we'll see what happens!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 20 March 2016
My new and improved profile
So, after considering all the suggestions and tips on how to write a good profile, I read several profiles for inspiration. Using a Google search, I was surprised at how many sites there are dedicated to helping people write online dating profiles, even providing you with templates and sample profiles you can use and tailor to your needs. After reading a bunch of different profiles, men's and women's, I drafted mine. I wanted to be funny and stand out. The goal is to grab the attention of your audience. Most of the profiles were very similar and boring. You'd think they were all copied and pasted from the same place. What happened to being original and creative? It would be far easier to cut and paste someone else's and save myself the trouble, but that's not my style. I used bits and pieces from some of my older profiles and incorporated them into a new format.
I picked my 5 closest girlfriends and sent them my draft profile for their review. It got an overwhelming thumbs up! They said it was funny and totally me. One of my girlfriends said, "If I was a guy, I'd totally want to date you." A couple of my girlfriends had also used online dating and they said my profile was very different (in a good way! Lol) compared to other profiles they had seen or used.
Ok the girls approved, now I needed the male perspective. I sent it to a few of my close male friends for their feedback. Once again, they were impressed and said it was refreshing and fun to read. At first sight, they said it looked a bit long, but it got their attention and they enjoyed reading it.
To stand out and be different, I decided to go with a top ten list format. At the risk of revealing my identity, this was the final product:
---------------------------------------------------------------
Top 10 Reasons Why I'd be the Best Girlfriend ever:
4. IF we go shopping together, I won’t ask you to hold my purse, but if you just take it without being asked while I go into the fitting room and carry all the bags you’ll earn major brownie points.
I picked my 5 closest girlfriends and sent them my draft profile for their review. It got an overwhelming thumbs up! They said it was funny and totally me. One of my girlfriends said, "If I was a guy, I'd totally want to date you." A couple of my girlfriends had also used online dating and they said my profile was very different (in a good way! Lol) compared to other profiles they had seen or used.
Ok the girls approved, now I needed the male perspective. I sent it to a few of my close male friends for their feedback. Once again, they were impressed and said it was refreshing and fun to read. At first sight, they said it looked a bit long, but it got their attention and they enjoyed reading it.
To stand out and be different, I decided to go with a top ten list format. At the risk of revealing my identity, this was the final product:
---------------------------------------------------------------
Top 10 Reasons Why I'd be the Best Girlfriend ever:
1. Being a brunette, I’ll always remember what we
did the day before. I may have the occasional blond moment, but that
would simply give you reasons to make fun of me and laugh.
2. My friends say I’m a great cook, so you’ll never
go hungry. By the way, don’t expect me to cook you dinner until at least
date #4!
3. I don’t suffer from recurring headaches, I hope
you don’t either!
4. IF we go shopping together, I won’t ask you to hold my purse, but if you just take it without being asked while I go into the fitting room and carry all the bags you’ll earn major brownie points.
5. I’m not big into sporting events other than the
occasional play-off games, but I will cook for your buddies and make sure there
are enough drinks in the fridge when they come over to watch the game with you.
6. You’ll be proud to be out in public with me on
your arm and I promise it won’t take me 2 hours to get ready.
7. Instead of giving you subtle hints or the silent
treatment, I’ll just be straight forward and tell you what’s on my mind.
8. Be prepared for unexpected and random displays
of affection. Without passion what’s left?
9. We all need to pursue our interests or hang out
with our friends and not necessarily together. We’re not conjoined twins,
so sign up for an activity, go play pool or golf or hang out with friends you
don’t get to see often. I’ll do the same all the while missing you and
looking forward to cuddling when you get home.
10. If the seat is up, I’ll put it
down!
You would be: rather tall (otherwise I can't wear
my heels!), honest, faithful, like kids (this one isn't negotiable), have a
good sense of humour, be affectionate and hopefully not have two left
feet! Chivalry will score you major brownie points and perhaps a batch of
brownies too! If you're great at repairs that's a bonus, I've got the
cooking covered.
Getting to know someone in person is better than
reading something that's suppose to make you sound unique and more interesting
than the next profile. If there's anything else you want to know, just ask
because if I put everything in here there'd be no mystery or intrigue. I
appreciate a good communicator so bonus points for being creative. Tell
me a joke or your favourite movie; anything is better than "Hey" or
"Hi".
Best of luck with your search!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Creating a username was a challenge. After dozens of attempts I finally found one that worked! It wasn't quite what I wanted, but it would have to do. My profile was posted. Now all I had to do was wait patiently for emails to arrive.
Feel free to send me comments. I'm not currently using online dating, but who knows I may eventually break down and go back on. Being able to use the same profile would be nice, although I'd probably want to tweak it slightly. Any suggestions on how to improve it would be welcome and greatly appreciated.
If nothing else, I hope I managed to make you smile. Have a great night!
Dateless in Ottawa
Saturday 19 March 2016
My sabbaticle from dating
After Mr. Grizzly, I took a break from dating. The last year had been a lot of fun. Thankfully I was able to close most of the files related to my late husband. Work was going well, the kids were excelling at school and no longer needed counselling and I could honestly say I had successfully managed to crawl out of the deep dark hole I'd been living in for far too long. My family and friends were amazing and extremely supportive. Slowly I was able to ask for help when I needed it which made a big difference in reducing my stress levels. Often I'd feel guilty or like I was burdening others with my responsibilities, but relationships are give and take. I always jumped at an opportunity to help someone and it made me feel good. This is what others felt when they help me.
As much as most aspects of my life were going well, I felt incomplete. I still had a hard time going to bed at night. When people asked what I missed most, I'd say the companionship, the intimacy, feeling like someone had my back and would protect me. Many didn't understand this because with four kids they figured I was never alone and I should be far too busy to have time to miss much. This wasn't the case. I've always been quite independent and organized, but I didn't have a choice. I did what had to be done.
For years I was a restaurant widow while my ex often worked 20 hour days at his businesses. My husband worked in another province and was away from home 6-8 months of the year. I had to be strong, organized and independent. Growing up Dad travelled a lot for work and Mom managed just fine. It's funny because Mom didn't drive or speak English, but she successfully got to where she needed to go whether by bus or taxi and managed appointments and all shopping. For me, this was normal. Some of my friends didn't understand. They were more needy and dependent, if their husbands were away for more than a day they'd shrivel up and die. Often times I'd say, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Lol
Well, I definitely didn't want to be alone so it was time to create a new profile and put myself out there again. Just thinking about it stressed me out. After reading a few articles I was ready to throw in the towel before even starting!
Tips for writing a good profile:
- shouldn't be too long, but not too short either (what is an acceptable length???)
- should describe you accurately, but be careful not to provide too much information (avoid negative traits - no, really?)
- be honest and try not to embellish (so much for marketing yourself in the best possible light!)
- avoid using negative comments (hard for those feeling jaded)
- username should be catchy, funny and highlight your personality (no x-rated or suggestive names)
- keep interests simple (don't want to sound too cerebral or boring)
- don't post more than 3 pictures and they should all be of you only (a head shot, a full body shot and a pic of you doing an activity you enjoy. Very important: no bathroom selfies!!! Lol)
- avoid endless lists of the qualities your mate must have (the profile should focus on you and what you have to offer)
- don't use emoticons or abbreviations
- create some mystery and intrigue
and the list goes on.......sigh
Holy smokes! Could this get any more complicated? This was becoming a bit too scientific and mathematical for me. I sucked at math in school and hated physics, so this was not good. I was already technologically challenged, I didn't need anymore impediments! Should I post on a Friday instead of a Wednesday? Night vs. Day, Summer vs. Winter? OMG!
Suggestions and advice varied greatly depending on the author or who you spoke to. Was I really ready to dive back into online dating? Think about it, in life are we ever truly ready for anything? We can plan to a point, but life is full of surprises many of which are completely out of our control. As life happens, we simply have to adapt. I decided the best approach would be to read some profiles for ideas and go from there. Afterwards I'd draft my profile and send it to my friends for their opinions and advice.
Enough for tonight, I have to leave you in suspense!
Dateless in Ottawa
As much as most aspects of my life were going well, I felt incomplete. I still had a hard time going to bed at night. When people asked what I missed most, I'd say the companionship, the intimacy, feeling like someone had my back and would protect me. Many didn't understand this because with four kids they figured I was never alone and I should be far too busy to have time to miss much. This wasn't the case. I've always been quite independent and organized, but I didn't have a choice. I did what had to be done.
For years I was a restaurant widow while my ex often worked 20 hour days at his businesses. My husband worked in another province and was away from home 6-8 months of the year. I had to be strong, organized and independent. Growing up Dad travelled a lot for work and Mom managed just fine. It's funny because Mom didn't drive or speak English, but she successfully got to where she needed to go whether by bus or taxi and managed appointments and all shopping. For me, this was normal. Some of my friends didn't understand. They were more needy and dependent, if their husbands were away for more than a day they'd shrivel up and die. Often times I'd say, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Lol
Well, I definitely didn't want to be alone so it was time to create a new profile and put myself out there again. Just thinking about it stressed me out. After reading a few articles I was ready to throw in the towel before even starting!
Tips for writing a good profile:
- shouldn't be too long, but not too short either (what is an acceptable length???)
- should describe you accurately, but be careful not to provide too much information (avoid negative traits - no, really?)
- be honest and try not to embellish (so much for marketing yourself in the best possible light!)
- avoid using negative comments (hard for those feeling jaded)
- username should be catchy, funny and highlight your personality (no x-rated or suggestive names)
- keep interests simple (don't want to sound too cerebral or boring)
- don't post more than 3 pictures and they should all be of you only (a head shot, a full body shot and a pic of you doing an activity you enjoy. Very important: no bathroom selfies!!! Lol)
- avoid endless lists of the qualities your mate must have (the profile should focus on you and what you have to offer)
- don't use emoticons or abbreviations
- create some mystery and intrigue
and the list goes on.......sigh
Holy smokes! Could this get any more complicated? This was becoming a bit too scientific and mathematical for me. I sucked at math in school and hated physics, so this was not good. I was already technologically challenged, I didn't need anymore impediments! Should I post on a Friday instead of a Wednesday? Night vs. Day, Summer vs. Winter? OMG!
Suggestions and advice varied greatly depending on the author or who you spoke to. Was I really ready to dive back into online dating? Think about it, in life are we ever truly ready for anything? We can plan to a point, but life is full of surprises many of which are completely out of our control. As life happens, we simply have to adapt. I decided the best approach would be to read some profiles for ideas and go from there. Afterwards I'd draft my profile and send it to my friends for their opinions and advice.
Enough for tonight, I have to leave you in suspense!
Dateless in Ottawa
Friday 18 March 2016
What is chivalry?
Until I met Mr. Grizzly, I thought I knew what chivalry was. A gentleman holding a door for you, ladies first, walking on the outside of the sidewalk to protect you from traffic or getting splashed by cars driving through puddles, etc. The man asks you out and makes the first move. With my parents, Dad would carry all the grocery bags and follow Mom around the store. When they went out, he always paid. Back then it was unheard of for a woman to even offer to pay.
If we look back, the reason why men always paid was because women didn't work. Men were typically the bread winners and sole supporters of the family. That was their role, while women stayed home and tended to the house while raising the children and caring for their husband. My parents were a bit more modern in that Dad didn't want Mom to work, but when they were first married he was often out of work. I came along soon after they were married and bills had to be paid. They were also sending money back home to help out their families so they did what they had to do to make ends meet. We adapt to our circumstances.
In my long-term relationships and many dating experiences, the men did pay most of the time. My ex pretty much paid for everything at least the major items, but sucked when it came to chivalry. My salary went towards groceries, things for the house, insurance, birthday and Christmas gifts, cell phones, etc. When the children were born, I further took care of the daycare expenses and everything related to the kids; clothes, diapers, formula, toys, school supplies, etc.
With my husband things were split. My children were not his biological children, so I kept those expenses separate. It was different, but with blended families things change. He was attentive and thoughtful, but again lacked a bit in the chivalry department.
Mr. Grizzly, on the other hand, took chivalry to the nth degree! The first time he came to pick me up he opened the truck door for me and helped me in. When we arrived at the restaurant and parked, he told me not to move. I thought he was going to get something out of the back, but instead he appeared at my door, opened it and helped me out. This was his MO. He always paid, there was no bigger insult than me offering to pay or trying to pay without him noticing. I had a hard time with that as I like to treat too! At restaurants I sat first and he'd push in the chair, if I was getting up he'd stand and then help me with my coat. I was to order first and get served first, he didn't hesitate to correct servers. When out grocery shopping he pushed the cart, paid and carried all the bags. Same for all kinds of shopping and he never complained. That summer I broke my ankle and had to wear a cast. He took me grocery shopping. When we got to the store he dropped me off at the main entrance and told me not to move. He parked the truck, got a shopping cart and met me at the entrance. All I was to do was tell him what I needed and he'd grab it and put it in the cart. When we were done, I was to wait out front with the cart while he went to get the truck. He helped me in then loaded all the groceries. I always had to walk on the inside of the sidewalk. After being out, I had to text or call to let him know I made it home safely. One night I forgot to call, well, I didn't hear the end of it. He almost drove over to my house to make sure we were ok. Really nice when someone genuinely cares, to me it's worth far more than someone buying me things.
From my experience, I find that men working in blue collar jobs are far more chivalrous and respectful than their counterparts with professional designations. Chivalry gets my attention and more often than not, will keep it. Sadly it isn't practiced as widely as it used to be. I don't understand why. Most of the men I dated were my age or older so they definitely would have been exposed to it growing up in varying degrees. I have a hard time believing they don't know what it is. In younger guys, I get it, but men in their 50's should know better.
Yes there are some feminists that put down chivalry claiming they are capable of doing everything themselves and don't need a man to do anything for them, but I find that ridiculous. If a man opens a door for me, I feel flattered and grateful. He's not doing it because he thinks I'm not capable, it's done out of courtesy and respect. How insulting when a woman yells at a man for offering her a seat or opening a door for her. If you don't want it, behave like a polite civilized member of society and simply say no thank you. Why the need to cause a scene and berate someone for doing something nice? No need to be rude and ignorant, just think of how bad you look. He's better off without you!
They should teach some of these basic morals and principles at school. Growing up it was drilled into us at school, home and church. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It's not complicated. Since we can only control our own behaviour, I always treat others with respect. If they can't appreciate that and return the favour, they are not for me.
Like my Mother always said, "A woman should know how to do everything on her own, but a real man will not let her."
Food for thought, when in doubt be chivalrous!
Dateless in Ottawa
If we look back, the reason why men always paid was because women didn't work. Men were typically the bread winners and sole supporters of the family. That was their role, while women stayed home and tended to the house while raising the children and caring for their husband. My parents were a bit more modern in that Dad didn't want Mom to work, but when they were first married he was often out of work. I came along soon after they were married and bills had to be paid. They were also sending money back home to help out their families so they did what they had to do to make ends meet. We adapt to our circumstances.
In my long-term relationships and many dating experiences, the men did pay most of the time. My ex pretty much paid for everything at least the major items, but sucked when it came to chivalry. My salary went towards groceries, things for the house, insurance, birthday and Christmas gifts, cell phones, etc. When the children were born, I further took care of the daycare expenses and everything related to the kids; clothes, diapers, formula, toys, school supplies, etc.
With my husband things were split. My children were not his biological children, so I kept those expenses separate. It was different, but with blended families things change. He was attentive and thoughtful, but again lacked a bit in the chivalry department.
Mr. Grizzly, on the other hand, took chivalry to the nth degree! The first time he came to pick me up he opened the truck door for me and helped me in. When we arrived at the restaurant and parked, he told me not to move. I thought he was going to get something out of the back, but instead he appeared at my door, opened it and helped me out. This was his MO. He always paid, there was no bigger insult than me offering to pay or trying to pay without him noticing. I had a hard time with that as I like to treat too! At restaurants I sat first and he'd push in the chair, if I was getting up he'd stand and then help me with my coat. I was to order first and get served first, he didn't hesitate to correct servers. When out grocery shopping he pushed the cart, paid and carried all the bags. Same for all kinds of shopping and he never complained. That summer I broke my ankle and had to wear a cast. He took me grocery shopping. When we got to the store he dropped me off at the main entrance and told me not to move. He parked the truck, got a shopping cart and met me at the entrance. All I was to do was tell him what I needed and he'd grab it and put it in the cart. When we were done, I was to wait out front with the cart while he went to get the truck. He helped me in then loaded all the groceries. I always had to walk on the inside of the sidewalk. After being out, I had to text or call to let him know I made it home safely. One night I forgot to call, well, I didn't hear the end of it. He almost drove over to my house to make sure we were ok. Really nice when someone genuinely cares, to me it's worth far more than someone buying me things.
From my experience, I find that men working in blue collar jobs are far more chivalrous and respectful than their counterparts with professional designations. Chivalry gets my attention and more often than not, will keep it. Sadly it isn't practiced as widely as it used to be. I don't understand why. Most of the men I dated were my age or older so they definitely would have been exposed to it growing up in varying degrees. I have a hard time believing they don't know what it is. In younger guys, I get it, but men in their 50's should know better.
Yes there are some feminists that put down chivalry claiming they are capable of doing everything themselves and don't need a man to do anything for them, but I find that ridiculous. If a man opens a door for me, I feel flattered and grateful. He's not doing it because he thinks I'm not capable, it's done out of courtesy and respect. How insulting when a woman yells at a man for offering her a seat or opening a door for her. If you don't want it, behave like a polite civilized member of society and simply say no thank you. Why the need to cause a scene and berate someone for doing something nice? No need to be rude and ignorant, just think of how bad you look. He's better off without you!
They should teach some of these basic morals and principles at school. Growing up it was drilled into us at school, home and church. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It's not complicated. Since we can only control our own behaviour, I always treat others with respect. If they can't appreciate that and return the favour, they are not for me.
Like my Mother always said, "A woman should know how to do everything on her own, but a real man will not let her."
Food for thought, when in doubt be chivalrous!
Dateless in Ottawa
Thursday 17 March 2016
Finally someone decent!
The Grizzly was different. He was kind, compassionate, generous and had an incredible sense of humour. Most often I was the brunt of the jokes, but that's ok because I laughed so hard my face hurt. Growing up my Mom often joked that I should've been a blond. Oh well, as long as everyone had fun, that's all that mattered. I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed so much, it felt good.
He'd pop by work when he was in the neighbourhood or we'd meet up and grab a quick lunch. We enjoyed each other's company and had fun no matter what we did. Every outing was an adventure. I never knew what was going to happen. People were always in stitches and laughing.
After a few weeks I decided to ask him out for dinner. It was a girlfriend's birthday and her 25th anniversary so we were throwing them a surprise party. Talk about putting someone in a stressful situation! The first time out together and my closest friends were going to be there. He was taken aback and said he'd let me know. He called me back almost immediately and said he'd go, I was surprised I thought for sure it was to say no. We went out several times after that, every date being an unpredictable adventure.
Slowly we went through all of my late husbands things and got rid of them. The majority sold at two garage sales we had at his place, some through his contacts, other things through people I knew, some on E-Bay and the rest through a gunsmith.
The hunting stuff is what we tackled first. There were 2 truck loads. He was blown away. You'd think my husband had been preparing for a zombie apocalypse! I didn't realize how much stuff there was, it was far worse than I thought. There were firearms, ammunition, supplies, camouflage clothing....OMG it was insane. There was enough stuff to open a store! For the big biggest firearm, it took over a year to sell it. The gunsmith said it was an incredible piece and extremely expensive, but not something in high demand. Only an avid gun collector would buy such a high end piece and there weren't too many of those. I'd never get what it was truly worth so I'd have to accept whatever offer was made. I was extremely relieved when it finally sold, it was a like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Finally I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
The Grizzly was great for my self-esteem and the laughter made me realize how much I had been missing out on over the last year having been so deeply consumed with grief. I felt alive and started living again. He was incredible with the children. They warmed up to him immediately. Whether it was carving pumpkins, shopping, pulling pranks on me, ice fishing or baking, there was never a dull moment. I think we brought as much joy into his life, as he did into ours. I'll write about some of our unique dates and adventures in another post.
Sadly a few months later it was painfully obvious that this could never be more than a friendship. He had many unresolved issues from his past relationship. His ex and her daughters had done quite a number on him and he was always fearful that history would repeat itself. He suffered from panic attacks that would come on without warning and this wasn't healthy for him or the children. It left us feeling as though we'd done something wrong. The logistics of potentially moving was another impediment. I was not going to move anytime soon. The children had lived through too many changes already and I wasn't willing to put them through another one. We were settled and comfortable. Having arrived at a stale mate, friendship was the only choice.
I had hidden my profile a few weeks after I met Mr. Grizzly. Having met him on POF proved that there were still some nice guys out there. When I was ready, I'd try again. For now I had more than enough to keep me busy with the kids and work. There were also still many outstanding items with my late husband's estate. New unexpected surprises continued to surface requiring more paperwork. When would this end?
Tomorrow is another day!
Dateless in Ottawa
He'd pop by work when he was in the neighbourhood or we'd meet up and grab a quick lunch. We enjoyed each other's company and had fun no matter what we did. Every outing was an adventure. I never knew what was going to happen. People were always in stitches and laughing.
After a few weeks I decided to ask him out for dinner. It was a girlfriend's birthday and her 25th anniversary so we were throwing them a surprise party. Talk about putting someone in a stressful situation! The first time out together and my closest friends were going to be there. He was taken aback and said he'd let me know. He called me back almost immediately and said he'd go, I was surprised I thought for sure it was to say no. We went out several times after that, every date being an unpredictable adventure.
Slowly we went through all of my late husbands things and got rid of them. The majority sold at two garage sales we had at his place, some through his contacts, other things through people I knew, some on E-Bay and the rest through a gunsmith.
The hunting stuff is what we tackled first. There were 2 truck loads. He was blown away. You'd think my husband had been preparing for a zombie apocalypse! I didn't realize how much stuff there was, it was far worse than I thought. There were firearms, ammunition, supplies, camouflage clothing....OMG it was insane. There was enough stuff to open a store! For the big biggest firearm, it took over a year to sell it. The gunsmith said it was an incredible piece and extremely expensive, but not something in high demand. Only an avid gun collector would buy such a high end piece and there weren't too many of those. I'd never get what it was truly worth so I'd have to accept whatever offer was made. I was extremely relieved when it finally sold, it was a like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Finally I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
The Grizzly was great for my self-esteem and the laughter made me realize how much I had been missing out on over the last year having been so deeply consumed with grief. I felt alive and started living again. He was incredible with the children. They warmed up to him immediately. Whether it was carving pumpkins, shopping, pulling pranks on me, ice fishing or baking, there was never a dull moment. I think we brought as much joy into his life, as he did into ours. I'll write about some of our unique dates and adventures in another post.
Sadly a few months later it was painfully obvious that this could never be more than a friendship. He had many unresolved issues from his past relationship. His ex and her daughters had done quite a number on him and he was always fearful that history would repeat itself. He suffered from panic attacks that would come on without warning and this wasn't healthy for him or the children. It left us feeling as though we'd done something wrong. The logistics of potentially moving was another impediment. I was not going to move anytime soon. The children had lived through too many changes already and I wasn't willing to put them through another one. We were settled and comfortable. Having arrived at a stale mate, friendship was the only choice.
I had hidden my profile a few weeks after I met Mr. Grizzly. Having met him on POF proved that there were still some nice guys out there. When I was ready, I'd try again. For now I had more than enough to keep me busy with the kids and work. There were also still many outstanding items with my late husband's estate. New unexpected surprises continued to surface requiring more paperwork. When would this end?
Tomorrow is another day!
Dateless in Ottawa
Tuesday 15 March 2016
Round 13 continued
I felt like a complete idiot, but what was done, was done. I got the kids ready for bed and went back down to do laundry and dishes when the phone rang. My girlfriend usually called at this time so I was shocked when I answered and heard a male voice. It was The Grizzly.
He brought up the rings. I apologized, it was not my intention to upset or insult him and I was most definitely a widow. The rings had been a part of me for so long that I didn't even notice them. I was honest and said I had a hard time taking them off. We talked for hours and he said he didn't think I was ready to date. Instead he wanted to be my friend, someone who would sit and hold my hand while I cried without expecting anything in return. For him friendship and being able to help someone in need was far better than nothing at all.
Wow, I was speechless. Here was this virtual stranger being compassionate and offering to help. I didn't doubt his sincerity for a second. I started to cry. He told me to think about it and we'd talk again soon.
The next day he texted to ask how I was doing. We both had a busy week, but he hoped we could meet up at some point. On the Thursday night I was going out with my girlfriends for dinner. He was working late, but said to let him know when I was done and maybe we could meet. I had the truck that night and my rear view mirror had fallen off on my way to the restaurant, so I needed to pick up some double sided adhesive at Home Depot. I texted him and he met me there. Strange to meet someone at Home Depot, but it was fun and he knew where to find what I needed. I paid for the adhesive and he fixed the mirror for me. As he walked around the truck he looked into the canopy and noticed the bed was full.
Him: "What's in the bed, it looks pretty full."
Me: "My husband's equipment and other stuff."
Him: "Why are you driving around with all this stuff? Are you that attached to his things? Things are just things, he's gone. Obviously you're not ready to move on. You have to let go already, this is ridiculous. While you're at it, get rid of the truck too because you don't need it. I'm going home and you should get home to your kids, it's late."
He barely let me get two words in. I tried to explain that there was tons of stuff in the garage and basement too so there was no point in emptying the truck. This was all stuff I had to get rid of, but I didn't know what half of it was or how to get rid of. I had the kids in counselling, work, then add all the paperwork and the legal case and it was all I could handle for the time being. I'd get to the stuff when I could, it wasn't a priority for me. I was extremely hurt and deeply offended by his comments.
My husband was a forest firefighter so there was work gear, hunting stuff, camping equipment, clothes and fishing gear amoung other things. I'd only gotten the truck back a few weeks earlier. It was driven back to Ottawa from Alberta by a close friend of my husband's when he heard I was going to pay to have it shipped back. He was coming back to Ottawa anyways, so he was happy to be able to help.
The following night The Grizzly called to apologize. He was quite upset and felt horrible for having been so harsh. After being up most of the night he came to the conclusion that I probably didn't even know what most of that equipment was for and more than likely wouldn't be able to get rid of it all myself. There was also the issue of having strangers come over to the house which he saw as a security risk for me and the kids if I posted stuff on Kijiji. He had worked in a sporting goods store, was a trapper, hunted and fished, so was quite knowledgeable on the various kinds of equipment, brands and values. He also had a lot of connections so he was going to go through everything, create an inventory and take care of it all for me.
I didn't know what to say and wasn't sure. We texted and talked and eventually I accepted his offer. This was the beginning of something incredible.
Until next time!
Dateless in Ottawa
He brought up the rings. I apologized, it was not my intention to upset or insult him and I was most definitely a widow. The rings had been a part of me for so long that I didn't even notice them. I was honest and said I had a hard time taking them off. We talked for hours and he said he didn't think I was ready to date. Instead he wanted to be my friend, someone who would sit and hold my hand while I cried without expecting anything in return. For him friendship and being able to help someone in need was far better than nothing at all.
Wow, I was speechless. Here was this virtual stranger being compassionate and offering to help. I didn't doubt his sincerity for a second. I started to cry. He told me to think about it and we'd talk again soon.
The next day he texted to ask how I was doing. We both had a busy week, but he hoped we could meet up at some point. On the Thursday night I was going out with my girlfriends for dinner. He was working late, but said to let him know when I was done and maybe we could meet. I had the truck that night and my rear view mirror had fallen off on my way to the restaurant, so I needed to pick up some double sided adhesive at Home Depot. I texted him and he met me there. Strange to meet someone at Home Depot, but it was fun and he knew where to find what I needed. I paid for the adhesive and he fixed the mirror for me. As he walked around the truck he looked into the canopy and noticed the bed was full.
Him: "What's in the bed, it looks pretty full."
Me: "My husband's equipment and other stuff."
Him: "Why are you driving around with all this stuff? Are you that attached to his things? Things are just things, he's gone. Obviously you're not ready to move on. You have to let go already, this is ridiculous. While you're at it, get rid of the truck too because you don't need it. I'm going home and you should get home to your kids, it's late."
He barely let me get two words in. I tried to explain that there was tons of stuff in the garage and basement too so there was no point in emptying the truck. This was all stuff I had to get rid of, but I didn't know what half of it was or how to get rid of. I had the kids in counselling, work, then add all the paperwork and the legal case and it was all I could handle for the time being. I'd get to the stuff when I could, it wasn't a priority for me. I was extremely hurt and deeply offended by his comments.
My husband was a forest firefighter so there was work gear, hunting stuff, camping equipment, clothes and fishing gear amoung other things. I'd only gotten the truck back a few weeks earlier. It was driven back to Ottawa from Alberta by a close friend of my husband's when he heard I was going to pay to have it shipped back. He was coming back to Ottawa anyways, so he was happy to be able to help.
The following night The Grizzly called to apologize. He was quite upset and felt horrible for having been so harsh. After being up most of the night he came to the conclusion that I probably didn't even know what most of that equipment was for and more than likely wouldn't be able to get rid of it all myself. There was also the issue of having strangers come over to the house which he saw as a security risk for me and the kids if I posted stuff on Kijiji. He had worked in a sporting goods store, was a trapper, hunted and fished, so was quite knowledgeable on the various kinds of equipment, brands and values. He also had a lot of connections so he was going to go through everything, create an inventory and take care of it all for me.
I didn't know what to say and wasn't sure. We texted and talked and eventually I accepted his offer. This was the beginning of something incredible.
Until next time!
Dateless in Ottawa
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