Horrible Online Dates

I went out with friends for drinks.  Always nice to catch up and take a break from work.  Some of us are single and using the various online dating apps and the oh so wonderful world of online dating.  I love listening to and comparing online dating stories, but at times it's quite sad.

One friend in particular seemed very quiet.  Later that night when it was just the two of us, she asked if we could talk.  She asked me if I was having any luck with dating.  I just laughed out loud.  At this point I'm not putting any effort into online dating.  It pretty much becomes another full-time job with no rewards.  Better to focus on my kids and work.  Plus with all the travel for work there really doesn't leave much time for a life, let alone planning dates that wind up not happening or that are a disappointment because men can't be honest. 

I asked her how she was doing and she got really upset.  She said she was taking a break.  Things had never been great for her with the online dating.  After a 14 year relationship ended abruptly, she dove into online dating because that's what single people do these days.  From the beginning the dating was terrible.  She said she'd lost count of how many times she'd been stood up.  Then there's the guys that don't look anything like their pictures or who pretty much lied about everything in their profile.  Her last two dates went extremely badly.  I could tell she needed to vent so I sympathized and encouraged her to tell me about them.  We ordered more drinks, I had a feeling we were going to need them!

Date #1.
They had emailed and texted for a bit then moved to the phone.  He seemed nice enough and they had a few things in common.  Finally he asked her to meet up for drinks and she accepted.  He showed up on time, although he didn't quite look like his picture.  Turns out his profile pic was only about 15 years old!  Men are too much, you don't think a woman is going to notice? 

The hostess took them over to a table and then he excused himself, he said he needed to go back to the car because he forgot his wallet.  Sounded plausible enough.  She sat and waited.  Some time had passed and she wondered if he was ok.  Initially she was thinking great, he took off, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and go check on him.  They had arrived at the same time so she knew which car was his. 

She walked through the parking lot and noticed he was sitting in the driver's seat.  She thought, "Ok, he's still here, maybe he needs help finding his wallet?"

When she arrived at the car and looked in, she was not prepared for what she saw.  He was in the process of jerking off and suddenly came.  There was semen all over his shirt and everywhere.  Just then there was a woman and her children walking by.  She was beyond disgusted.  She ran to her car and left. 

OMG are you kidding me???  Who does that in a busy parking lot? 

The next morning he texts her and asks, "Didn't you like what you saw?"

Geez dude, she left what do you think?  Obviously not the brightest crayon in the box. 

I tried not to laugh.  Wow, that was crazy.  But wait, she said the next story was far worse and the reason why she can't date anymore.

Date #2.
From the moment she read this guy's profile, she liked him.  Something stood out and he seemed like the type of guy she'd want to date.  They had great conversations and laughed a lot.  He suggested dinner and she was excited.  Finally a guy that seemed decent. 

They met up and she was so happy that looked like his picture, it was a great start.  They laughed and talked the whole night.  Dinner was great, but finally they had to leave cause it was closing time. He said he didn't want the night to end because he was having so much fun.  They tried to think of where to go and he suggested maybe a park or somewhere they could go for a walk since it was beautiful out.  Neither one of them were familiar with that neighbourhood so they decided to go outside and figure it out. 

Across the way there was a high school.  He suggested they could just walk over there and sit and talk.  Perfect, off they went.  The conversation continued when suddenly he grabbed her by the neck and slammed her to the ground.  Before she could figure out what had happened, he had her pinned down, still gripping her throat and was trying to get her clothes off. 

She screamed and told him to get off.  He said, "I can tell you like it rough, let's have fun."  She tried to fight him off and he seemed to like that.  She was in panic mode and couldn't get away.  She finally yelled and said, "We're at a high school, there are cameras everywhere this isn't going to end well for you.  What are you doing, get off me!"

She said she doesn't know how she managed to shove him off, but she got up and ran for her life. 

Her: "I don't understand.  We were having an awesome date.  I totally would've gone out with him again.  What did I do wrong?  Why do these things keep happening to me?   What if we weren't at the high school, where would I be now?  I can't date anymore, I'm terrified.  It shouldn't be like this."

Me: "I'm so sorry.  No one deserves that.  I can totally sympathize, unfortunately I've had worse.  It isn't your fault, you didn't do anything wrong.  What he did was wrong.  Did you call the police?"

Her: "No, I was so ashamed and embarrassed.  What would people think?  I never heard from him again."

Me: "Sad that we blame ourselves.  Why is that?  Are you ok?"

Her: "I don't know.  My life isn't how it should be.  My relationship was perfect, I don't want to have to date.  Aren't there any nice people left in this world?  Why would a guy do that?  What does he hope to gain?"

Me: "He obviously only wanted one thing and decided he was going to get it no matter what. The world has changed, it's very sad.  It shouldn't be this way.  Stay strong and don't give up, someone nice will come along. Wish I had better advice or tips to share, but I'm in the same boat.  Hard not to become jaded.  Take a break and no more going for walks on dates!"

This brought back memories of my really bad dates.  I had buried them in the back of my mind, but was suddenly reliving them.  I felt horrible for her, but was happy she was able to get away.  Some of us aren't that lucky and it's something that stays with you forever.  For me it's the worst violation a man can commit.  The sense of entitlement and lack of respect is appalling.  Then as much as we want their sorry ass thrown in jail and to save other women from the same experience, we're too ashamed to report it.  What a sad state of affairs! 

No, means no!
Dateless in Ottawa

Dishonesty in Dating

Often times when someone cancels on you at the last minute, you're left wondering whether you said or did something wrong.  Why is it that we always assume the worst and blame ourselves?  Sadly many men are dishonest and unable to tell you the real reason why they are cancelling.  Don't get me wrong, things do happen but some excuses are beyond lame.  Personally I strive to be a person of my word and go out of my way to make sure if I have plans that I follow through.  I can be extremely creative at juggling my kids, work and responsibilities.  Not sure where I find the extra hours, but I make it work.  There is only one time I can think of that I had to cancel and that was because I was out of town working and had to stay an extra day due to events getting added at the last minute.  Funnily enough, as I was calling my date to let him know, he was calling me to cancel at the exact same time!

The list of excuses is endless.  Some plausible others way too far fetched.  I'll have to dedicate a post just to excuses guys use!

A very common one I've run into numerous times over the last couple of years is "I have a headache"
- I love this one.  I wish I had 5 bucks for every time a guy cancelled for this reason.  So much for women being the ones with recurring headaches.  Sorry, guys it seems the tables have turned.  Ever hear of taking an Advil or Tylenol? 

I love it when I catch a guy in a lie.  Sooner or later the truth will always come out.  We're too old for games, just tell the truth. 

My son recently learned this lesson all too well.  I was planning a surprise birthday party for him and asked one of his girlfriends to ask him out for lunch and bring him to the restaurant.  It was all set-up perfectly, then at 10:00 pm the night before he texts her that he's not going out.  He doesn't feel well and has too much homework.  I texted another of his girlfriends and she said not to worry, he was going out with her for lunch instead.  I felt really badly for the first girl.  It was weird, was there a misunderstanding?

Well, the next day at his party didn't he feel like a complete idiot when he walked in and who did he see first?  The girlfriend he originally had plans with.  She was visibly upset and he was horribly embarrassed.  He tried apologizing, but it was beyond lame.

That night I let him have it.  This kind of behaviour is completely unacceptable.  This is not how I raised him.  Respect and honesty are paramount. 

Me: "I can't believe you did that.  Hopefully you've learned your lesson.  You've heard some of my online dating stories and how upset I get and you go and do it to a good friend of yours?  Really nice."

Him: "I couldn't believe it when I walked in and saw her.  I felt so bad."

Me: "You should!  You don't do that.  I'm ashamed of you, she was very upset."

Him: "I know, I know.  I didn't know what to say.  I apologized."

Me: "Don't you turn into an asshole like the guys I have to deal with online.  If you don't want to go out with someone then don't say yes to begin with.  What, you get a better offer and dump the first one?  How would you feel if someone did it to you?  This better not be a habit of yours.  Glad you got caught, learn from your mistake and don't you ever do it again!"

Him: "Yeah, I know."

Me: "You owe her an apology and need to make it up to her.  Can't imagine how you made her feel.  She was doing me a favour to get you to the party so you wouldn't figure it out.  I feel bad for having asked her cause then you go and do this.  Geez!  Some best friend you are."

My daughter told me later it's not the first time he's done it.  This time Karma worked her magic and he got caught red handed!  All of his friends at the party knew what was going on too.  I think he learned his lesson. 

Are men born with this behaviour imbedded in them?  My goodness, be a man and show some respect.  Not only to yourself, but others.  Yes, sometimes the truth hurts but I'd rather that than being lead on or used.  Time is the most precious gift a person can give you because you can never get that back.  Don't take advantage of them and play games. 

Too much!
Dateless in Ottawa

More dating stories going back a while

As promised, a few more older stories that I never got around to writing about.  I swear as long as I live, not sure I'll ever figure men out. 

When I'm bored, POF becomes a source of entertainment.  Sad to view it that way, but given my experiences best not to have any expectations.  Maybe one day someone will surprise me, until then I have to make the best of it.  I had logged in one night when I couldn't sleep and within minutes men started writing.

A couple of them had written previously.  All of them are great at emailing fast and furious with no intention of meeting. The majority simply want to sext.  No thanks boys, I'll pass.  One stood out.  I had never seen this picture before and the profile was very well written.  He was 6'6" with a pale complexion and hair that was so blond is was almost white.  His introductory email was long and touched on several notes in my profile so he obviously took the time to read it.  He was new to Ottawa.  The profile said he worked in transport.  We emailed for a while then he asked if I would like to call him so we could talk live.  I called and we had a good conversation.  He suggested we meet for a game of pool or perhaps swing dancing lessons.  I chose pool.

A few days before we were supposed to meet, he sent some odd texts.  It was almost as though they were intended for someone else.  The conversation didn't follow any of the topics we had previously talked about and made no sense to me.  I asked if he was ok and he called.  He sounded upset and confused.  Said he'd had an argument with his family and they called him a loser and useless. Something about a bank transfer that wasn't sent.  I tried to be sympathetic, but none of what he said made any sense.  This left me feeling a bit uneasy.

The following day he called again and went on about the last woman he dated and how she still called him often.  They went out and she always paid for everything.  She was planning a trip to Florida and wanted him to come along.  Then he commented that I must have a similar following with men I had previously dated.  They probably still want to get into my pants and he's not interested in having to compete for my attention.

I was so not impressed.

Me: "When it's over, it's over.  I don't continue to see ex's and have them pay for everything or sleep with them thank you very much.  How inappropriate."

Him: "But do you know what I mean?  I'm sure they're still pining away for you."

Me: "That's irrelevant, is this what you do?  If you're still involved with your ex's, then maybe you shouldn't be dating."

Him: "No, not at all.  I really want to meet you.  First time I have a serious and intelligent conversation with a lady.  I can tell you're classy and well educated."

His profile said he had children.  When I asked he said his daughter had lived for an hour and died shortly after birth.  Him and his wife divorced soon after.  He moved to Ottawa after a bad break up and a falling out with his family.  For years he'd been a truck driver, but claimed he didn't want to do that anymore.  He wanted to settle down and grow some roots.  At 53 I think that's a smart thing to do. 

I had my doubts.  Something didn't feel right, but being a person of my word I met him for a game of pool.  Thankfully the place was right by my warehouse, so I knew co-workers would be close by if needed. 

He was on time.  We met up inside.  He was definitely tall, but looked much older in person.  When we got to our table we took off our coats and ordered a drink.  In the light, I was extremely disappointed with what I saw.  His polo shirt and pants were stained and dirty.  Then he got a phone call so I went and sat off to the side to give him some privacy.  When he hung up:

Him: "I guess I didn't do a good job of updating my contacts."

Me: "What do you mean?"

Him: "This is a woman I dated a while ago and she's calling me to hook up again."

Me: "Pardon me?"

Him: "I thought I had deleted her from my contacts, these women keep calling me."

Me: "Whether you delete her from your contacts or not, she obviously still has your number.  If you don't want to talk to her perhaps you should block her number."

Him: "Oh is that how it works?  You don't look impressed."

Me: "Should I be?"

The couple next to us kept staring at him.  The lady finally came over and asked him his name, she said he looked identical to her favourite Irish singer.  Sure enough she pulled up a picture on her iPhone and he look just like him.  He was also Irish.  Another friend of theirs arrived and again a big commotion.  I could tell he loved attention.  They asked if they could take pictures with him so I got to play photographer.  Glad I was able to make myself useful.

Then he got another call.  He went on about finances and how short he was on money.  Apparently he just got a job driving kids to school, but his vehicle wasn't in the best of shape.  He was between jobs and having a hard time getting one.  He'd been off for a while, dealing with some mental health issues.  Oh boy, this was all new.  Funny how he hadn't mentioned any of this during our previous conversations.  Great, I was so not paying for this date.  Was this guy for real?  He thought he was God's gift to women...NOT!

The whole time his pants kept falling down.  It was ridiculous.  I think he thought it was sexy.  Given how dirty his clothes were...I didn't even want to go there if you know what I mean.  He commented that I looked really good and better than my picture.  Damn right!  My pictures are recent and I took the time to dress appropriately and shower before the date. 

Ultimately after playing a couple of games, I told him I was done.  From the look on his face I could tell he knew exactly what I meant, but had the gall to comment that he thought I liked sex.

Me: "I do very much, but only with the right person."

I headed straight for the door.  He stayed behind to pay.  Typically I would offer, but I was beyond pissed off.  Not to mention that in my books if you ask me out, you're paying.  We walked out to the parking lot and he asked if he was at least going to get a kiss good night.  OMG!!!  My bitch face must have surfaced because he quickly headed for his car.  I said good night and left. 

Unbelievable.  What planet do these men come from?  Give your head a shake.  Wow!  I have nothing else to say. 
Dateless in Ottawa

I'm back!!!!!

Hello All,

Sorry to leave you hanging.  Life and work got busy which meant there was no time for me to write!

Will slowly make it a point to post more regularly.  I still have a few more stories to add from 2017.  As for 2018, the online dating scene was very quiet with the exception of one gentleman I had met about 4 years ago that reappeared.  You'll have to stay tuned for an update.

It's interesting living with teenagers.  They are slowly getting into the dating scene and we have the most amazing conversations. Lucky for them they don't need to use online dating.  College and university pretty much guarantee they will be surrounded by hundreds if not thousands of individuals with similar interests and likes who are relatively to their age.  My kids are thoroughly entertained by my dating experiences.  I think my daughters are slowly starting to understand that it's ok for Mom to date and it's also a good thing.  It means I'll be out more so they can have their friends over and not feel awkward cause Mom is home.  My son on the other hand, has never had an issue with me dating. He always says he wants me to be happy and not be alone.  Funny how him and his friends love having me around.  Apparently of all the Moms I'm the coolest and most down to earth.  No matter what time day or night, I'm there to pick them up.  I get invited along when they go to the movies or out for a bite, they are too funny.  They also feel comfortable talking to me about anything and everything.  A bit scary at times, but I'd rather they tell me everything no matter how bad it is.  I want them to be respectful, kind, productive and successful law abiding citizens.  Friendships and dating provide great lessons on social interactions.  I always tell my kids, treat others the way you want to be treated. 

Teenagers and dating:
So I went out for dinner with my 3 oldest.  It's nice we can all hang out, have great food and laugh.  More often than not, they are laughing at me but it's all good. 
At the restaurant, we were seated next to a couple.  I noticed right away they were on a date and decided to test my teens to see how observant they are. 

Me: Ok guys, the couple next to us.  Are they friends, an item or on a date?  And justify your answer.
Son: They're friends, they look comfortable and the way he's dressed no way he's on a date.
Girl #1: I'm not sure, they could be friends.
Girl #2: Probably a couple, I don't know.
Me: Pay attention to the conversation, what other things do you notice?

Things I had noticed:
- She had a ring on her wedding ring finger and he was so not her husband.
- She was well put together, even though they appeared to have just come back from skiing or a hike.
- There were awkward pauses during the conversation, it was very obvious to me they didn't know each other that well based on the questions they were asking each other.

As we enjoyed our dinner, the kids paid attention and slowly elaborated on their answers.

Son: Yeah, I think they're friends.  She's talking to him about her kids, she wouldn't do that on a date.
Girl #1: Oh, it's totally a date.  Look how he's staring at her.
Girl #2: I think they're friends or maybe they are a couple.
Me: If they were friends or a couple, wouldn't he know all about the kids already?  She's going into details about the kids' personalities, what they like and their behaviour.
Son: Oh wait, that's true.

Me: When you look at them, what do you see?
Girl #2: He looks like a slob compared to her.  Her hair is nice and she put make-up and jewellery on. A bit over dressed for a casual date if they were skiing.
Girl #1: No, I still think they're friends.  She wouldn't feel comfortable talking to him about her kids otherwise.

I couldn't stop laughing, but they were still way off.

Son: Ok Mom, so what are you thinking?
Me: Totally a date, no doubt.  A friend, boyfriend or husband would know all about her kids already.  It's not like she's a talking about something that happened today or a specific incident.  She's describing her kids in detail, talking about their ages, personalities and what they like.  She also mentioned they weren't thrilled about her dating.
Girl #1: Wow, you're really observant.
Me: What else do you notice?  Just pay attention.

Our food arrived so we focused on enjoying our dinner while observing the couple.  The evening  became more and more interesting.  It was like having free live entertainment.

Son: OMG so she's so high maintenance and can't stop talking about herself.
Girl #1: Oh geez, you were right Mom.  She's talking about how she's divorced.
Me: What else do you notice?  Anything unusual?  Their hands?
Girl #2:  She's wearing a ring, wait maybe they're engaged?
Me: That's not an engagement ring, mind you these days anything goes.

The couple finished their dinner and ordered more drinks and dessert.  The gentleman asked to see her hand and we all started laughing.  I guess he hadn't noticed the ring earlier.  The woman was going on about how she wears the ring because it makes her feel more confident and secure.  But she doesn't need anyone and has no issues going out or travelling alone unlike her ex-husband.  I burst out laughing!

Girl #2: Mom, how did you know?
Me: Not uncommon for women to wear a ring if they want to give the impression they are taken or married.  Doesn't always work, some guys will still try.
Girl #1:  Really?  Have you ever done that? 
Me: Yes.

He kept trying to hold her hand and she kept pulling it away.  It was obvious he was smitten and she was not. 

Son: Won't last, she doesn't seem too impressed.  She almost looks annoyed.
Girl #1: Yeah totally, she keeps taking her hand away.

And thus ended their first Dating Course: Observations 101.

We had an awesome dinner and great entertainment.  My kids learned that body language speaks volumes.  If someone appears to be uncomfortable, you don't continue to do things that are causing them to feel this way.  With this couple, he should've stopped taking her hand as it was blatantly obvious when she kept pulling it away that she didn't want him to hold it.  Never make someone feel uncomfortable, when in doubt ask!

Respect is key.  Treat others the way you want to be treated.  Sadly in this day and age it doesn't take much to "cross the line."  I tell my kids, err on the side of caution.  Respect other people's personal space.  No means no, be very careful. 

How to dress for a date is also important.  They were at an upper scale restaurant.  She was well put together, he was dressed way too casual and his hair was a mess.  Always put your best foot forward.  You only get one chance to make a good first impression. 

At least he picked up the tab, helped her with her coat even though she insisted she had it and opened the door for her.  Chivalry is extremely important.  I can't stress this enough to my kids. 

Stay tuned for more online dating stories and my efforts at trying to educate my kids to better prepare them for the wonderful world of dating! 

Dateless in Ottawa

Online Daters Beware! Signs to look for to identify a predator. - updated again

Predators come in all shapes and sizes.  The ones I've interacted with seem to have very similar characteristics.  My list won't be fool proof, at the end of the day follow your gut.  As I've said many times before, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!

Of the 4 or 5 predators I've had the pleasure of corresponding with, these are the trends I have identified:

1. All of them claimed to be engineers.  Unfortunate to paint all engineers with the same paint brush, but we can't change the facts.  I guess this being a white collar profession, they want to appear to have a successful career and lots of money.  Kind of hypocritical since soon after corresponding with you they ask for money!!!

2. Half of them claimed to be widowers.  Their wives died of cancer.  This is how they play their sympathy card.  Poor lonely widower searching for love. 

3. Each of them had a sob story in addition to having lost their wives.  One lost his son to a car accident at the age of 5, another lost both parents also in a car accident leaving him and his sister orphaned and one lost his parents who had him much later in life.  This further sucks you into feeling even more sorry for them.

4. They claim to be new to online dating and never having used it before, at least this was the case with all the ones that contacted me.  What a coincidence!

5. Pictures look flawless and they make it a point to show off their toys.  Convertible cars, exotic locations, fancy houses, designer clothing, jewelry, watches....you get the picture.  Once again, they give you the impression that they live in the lap of luxury, then try to hit you up for money to buy a plane ticket or in one case Bit Coins to buy research journals???

6. They don't have any immediate family living close by, if they even have any living relatives.  Everyone seems to live in other countries on the other side of the world.  Some claim to be too busy building a career or move around too much to have time for friends.

7. They tend to delete or hide their profiles and claim it is due to being private and wanting to protect their professional image and reputation.  Yeah sure, you mean hide so that all the women don't find your profile and see when you're online?

8. They ask you to remove your profile as you've found "the one" and don't need to search any further.  This ensures you stop going online to see the changes they make to their profiles as they continue to troll for other victims.

9.  If you're smart, you keep your profile active and continue to search until you've met "the one" in person and you mutually decide to remove your profiles.  At least this is what I recommend you do!  Eventually if you don't delete your profile, you'll notice their profile has been changed if they don't block you which has also happened to me.  Pictures are added or changed, details are different, their city changes, interests change and the list goes on and on.

10.  You'll notice most of their interests are identical or very similar to yours when you first look at their profile.  This allows them to convince you that you've found your match since you like all the same things.  What a coincidence, it's a match made in heaven.  It's meant to be!!!!  It couldn't be more perfect.  Yeah right, all perfectly planned and orchestrated to further suck you in if they haven't already.

11. Within a couple of interactions by email or text, they profess their undying love for you.  They also miss you terribly. Thank goodness for online dating otherwise they never would have met you.  What an incredible connection, who would've known? 

12. They send long flattering emails just oozing with love and compliments.  You many even get  poems, lyrics from songs and long winded professions of love.  Chances are if you Google them, you'll see they've copied and pasted them from other sites, but will argue they are their words because you've inspired them.  Sure, move over Shakespeare!

13.  They seem to have difficulty answering the simplest of questions.  One guy couldn't tell me his name.  It was several emails over a couple of weeks before he finally figured out what his name was.  Even simple things like where they live, what school they went to or what their background is.  Others give you names that don't fit with their cultural background.  I know parents can pick the oddest of names, but there's a fine line. 

14.  John seems to be a very popular name, go figure!  Good old John Doe.  There have also been 2 Mikes.  And I find last names tend to be stolen from popular companies or celebrities.  Fuller, Boeing, Allen, you get the idea.  If you do a Google search of their name and nothing comes up, chances are they don't exist.  In this day and age, most people have social media accounts.  Although hard wired home phone lines are slowly disappearing, you will still find some people through 411 directories and a multitude of other databases.  Big Brother is watching and it is becoming increasingly difficult to hide.  Huge red flag if nothing comes up on a Google search. 

15.  When they don't seem to know what their profession is, very telling that they aren't being honest when their answer doesn't match what was written on their profile.  How does one go from military to petro-chemical engineer?   I love it when they say I misunderstood.  No, they mean when they screwed up and couldn't remember what they wrote on their profile.

16.  They keep changing their cell number or go several days without contacting you claiming they are too busy at work or have visitors.  They may also be trying to contact you and leaving messages at odd hours when they know you are not available.  What does this mean?  Chances are they are very married and intentionally making sure you don't connect so they can tell you how hard they've been trying to reach you.  All this effort is supposed to prove how much they love you.

17. When you call their cell phone, the voice message is not set-up.  Often times they don't even have a generic message either.  The message might be cut off or there is simply static and the beep.  They will claim there is a problem with the phone and they can't seem to fix it or insist it is fine must be your phone. 

18.  In two cases, the guys were wearing wedding rings in their profile pictures.  When questioned, they danced around with their answers and claimed it was out of respect for their late wife.  Sure, except she died 5 years ago and you claimed you had lived with someone else for 2 years so  highly unlikely you'd still be wearing your wedding band after living with someone else.  Another just kept changing the subject and removed the picture from his profile.

19.  Often times in most if not all of their profile pictures they are wearing sunglasses.  This allows them to remain somewhat anonymous as you can't fully see what they look like.  When I asked one of them to send me another picture without sunglasses, he claimed that his eyes were extremely sensitive to light so he always wore sunglasses.  Indoors in low light???

20.  They ask for pictures of your vehicle(s).  Whatever you do, don't send any pictures with your licence plates.  The last thing you want to do is provide any details or information that will give them the ability to access more of your personal information.   For that matter, don't sent any of your identification, SIN number or any other sensitive information.  Be smart and protect yourself.  Identity theft is also on the rise so be careful what information you provide people you don't know.

21. They want to know whether you own a house, vehicles, cottage, boats and other items.  Don't send pictures of your home or neighbourhood with distinguishing land marks. What difference does that make?  They are trying to size you up and determine your worth based on your assets.  Don't provide details or information on values.  Same applies to your bank accounts and investments.  It's none of their business what you have and highly inappropriate to be asking such personal questions so quickly when you don't know them. 

22.  They come up with very creative answers to questions they were previously unable to answer or keep building on stories, but then suddenly details change and they tell you you're confused or deny having told you that.  At times when you ask questions they get mad and tell you to change the subject as they are having a bad day.  This translates into, "Oh shit, this one is smarter than I expected and I need to better prepare before I talk to her."

23.  As time goes on, their project keeps getting extended so this further delays your ability to meet in person.  They are very apologetic and they miss you terribly, but all of a sudden a further obstacle!  Their wallet is lost, project is extended yet again, passport is stolen, something is damaged due to an act of God and whatever other stories they come up with.  Soon after, you get the sob story about how they are stuck and too embarrassed to enlist the help of loved ones or close friends.  Given your strong bond and love, you are in a better position to help and they will pay you back as soon as they get home.  They can be very creative and will get angry and try to make you feel guilty when you refuse or question some of the details that don't make sense.   

These are just a few signs, I'm sure there are many more and I'll keep adding to my list as I think of more or get them from friends.  Many married men will use the same tactics.  Be aware ladies and don't ignore the signs or your gut feelings.  If you witness this behaviour, proceed with caution.  Don't send anyone banking information or money.  Verify and get proof of who they are, if it can't be confirmed cut all ties.  Don't let your emotions and their bullying get the better of you.  Talk to your friends and family, highly unlikely they will tell you to send money.  Listen to them as they are not emotionally invested, truly care about you and are looking at the situation from outside of the box.  You many not see the inconsistencies, but they will.  Don't be embarrassed, who doesn't want to feel loved and needed?  Just make sure you're with the person live and not communicating endlessly via text, phone and email.  Actions speak louder than words, make him work for it!

A Few Facts and Things to Consider:
1. If someone needs money, you can use Western Union or send money via PayPal to an email address.  The same applies to online banking, all you need is an email address to send an interact transfer.  Do not provide your banking information or even the name of the bank you deal with to anyone.

2. No point in buying an airline ticket if you've lost your passport.  You won't be allowed to fly without a passport.  Tell them to go to their consulate for assistance, don't get involved.

3.  If you lose your credit card, the credit card company will send you a replacement.  Don't fall for this lie or provide your credit card number to a stranger.  If this guy's bank accounts and credit cards are frozen, chances are you don't need him and his financial problems in your life.  Run and don't look back!!!

I'm sorry to sound so negative, but sadly many people get sucked in and robbed blind.  Someone who truly loves you would never put you in such a compromising position or steal from you.  After all, you haven't even met in person.  I suppose in some cases you might meet briefly then all of sudden they have to leave to work abroad, but even then be very, very careful.  In my experience, they all claimed to be away working when they made contact.  If they are in fact an engineer, own convertibles and properties it's highly unlikely they need your money.  Some food for thought!

Refer to the facts above and think twice!
Dateless in Ottawa

Online daters beware! Another predator, they come in all different shapes and sizes!

My inspiration for these posts was hearing other women's stories.  Sadly some believe the lies and lose their money along with their self esteem.  Ladies, don't get sucked in. 

A couple of years ago there was a guy that started writing.  Once again, great profile.  The introductory email was funny and engaging.  He was a bit older than me, widowed with children and lived in Montreal.  He was an engineer (surprise, surprise!).  Given he lived in Montreal, I wasn't  interested in a long distance relationship and made that clear. We emailed on POF for a couple of weeks.  He said he was originally from the UK.  His wife had passed away and his daughter had left to attend university in Italy.  His son was killed in a car accident when he was 5 years old.  His family was all overseas, so he had no issues commuting or relocating.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but took what he said with a grain of salt.  With no other prospects on the horizon, I could kill some time and who knows.  We have to try to remain hopeful and positive with an open mind.   

We moved to texting then spoke on the phone.  Suddenly he announced he wouldn't be able to meet for a while because he was currently working on a project in the UK.  Ok, first red flag now I was on alert.  He was building a seniors residence outside of London.  The project was due to be completed before Christmas.  Then he sent pictures of himself in a convertible that conveniently showed his Rolex watch.  At this point, he lost me.  All the signs of a player were there.  He sent endless emails which were all copy paste from sites for men trying to take advantage of women. I was shocked when these sites came up.  Amazing what you can find on the internet!  He insisted he had composed them himself.  Yeah sure.

Of course he professed his undying love and devotion.  During periods of time when he didn't call or email, he claimed his daughter was visiting from Italy and he was busy showing her around.  So much for working 20 hour days because the project was behind schedule and then a storm damaged the building.  Not to mention school was not on break in Italy so highly unlikely his daughter was in the UK.  Handy to have family and friends around the world that you can contact to confirm details.  This guy was totally married.  He seemed to keep losing his cell phone, changed the number 4 times in less than 2 months!

Then the kicker, he wrote to say that because the final payment for his contract exceeded $300K, the bank in London had frozen his accounts pending him providing his business registration and work visa documents.  He'd have to come home to Montreal to get them and with all of his accounts frozen, he needed money.  Funny because he had previously mentioned he had an open ticket to come home as soon as the project was done.  It pays to keep track of details and write them down!

My response?  "Given your profession and the fact that you have a company, I highly doubt you would only have one bank account and no credit cards.  How would a bank in the UK freeze all of your Canadian accounts?  Not possible.  Even if your business account is frozen, you would have access to funds elsewhere and your personal accounts.  You mentioned your brother lives in the US, why wouldn't you contact him for assistance?  Oh and you have an open ticket so no issue getting home.  You can figure out your banking stuff when you get back to Montreal." 

He was not happy and claimed I didn't understand how international contracts worked.  I told him I had a law degree and did some research.  Out of curiosity, I had logged into POF and found his profile.  He had told me he had deleted it after he started communicating with me.  Sure, what a liar.  Now the profile stated he lived in British Columbia and he had added more pictures.  When I confronted him, he got angry.

Him:  "How dare you go into POF to look for other men.  We're a couple.  How am I supposed to trust you?  I don't have time for this bullshit."

Me: "How dare you lie and copy paste emails from online sites.  Trust me?  You mean I can't trust you.  Now you live in Vancouver?  What happened to Montreal?"

Him: "Not that it's any of your business nor do I have to explain myself to you, but I lent my POF profile to a friend."

Me: "Are you kidding me?  Is that the best story you can come up with?  Lent your profile?  Funny, so your friend looks identical to you, is widowed, has kids and is also an engineer?  What a coincidence?  You're a horrible liar and I don't need this shit.  It takes all of 5 minutes to create a profile and your friend had to borrow yours?  Oh, so I guess you let him know every time there's a new email since the email address linked to the account would be yours?  Which means you log in there regularly and you're pissed at me and accuse me of not being trust worthy?  Go look in the mirror, the person looking back at you is the lying cheat.  Best of luck with your search!"

Unreal!  Women, please I beg you to be cautious.  Don't fall for these predators.  Write things down, keep track, do some research, ask questions and request proof.  If you can't verify and confirm what he's telling you, chances are it's all lies.  Meet him in person first!!!

Sadly the friend of a friend met a guy online, again he was an engineer working on a project in Malaysia.  They fell in love and would move in together when he got back home.  Yeah sure.  Everyone warned her to be careful, not to be so trusting of someone she hadn't met in person.  Don't rush, wait until he gets back before you get too invested.  The project kept getting extended.  Several  weeks into the conversation, he had lost his wallet and passport.  Begged her for help to buy a new airline ticket, he'd pay her back as soon as he got home.  She fell for it and sent him $5,000.00.  Surprise, surprise, she never heard from him again.  All the phone numbers and email accounts were deleted and he disappeared.  She was devastated. 

Be careful and don't believe anything a stranger tells you. 
Dateless in Ottawa

Online Daters Beware!!! Don't send money or banking info to people you meet online!

In this day and age, very sad that many people get taken advantage of and used.  The web and computers have made it even easier for predators.  This doesn't just happen to women, but I'll be focusing on my experiences with men.  My hope is that my post with help other women who find themselves in similar situations.  Even if this only helps one woman, it will be well worth the effort as it will be one less woman who is taken advantage of. 

Online dating allows users to remain anonymous.  This can go on indefinitely or at least until they decide to meet another user.  I think many create profiles with no intention of ever meeting anyone.  They are predators simply out to make a fast buck any way they can.  They create a character that they believe will be appealing to women. 

Characteristics:
Great profile pictures
Fancy cars
Tropical destinations
White collar professions (engineer seems to be a very popular choice)
Very well written profiles
Tall, attractive, in great shape
Expensive taste
Designer clothing, watches...
Charming, full of flattery

Here's the story of one of the predators I met online.
The Petrochemical Engineer
He sent a very flattering introductory email on POF.  Complimentary, but polite.  The profile was well written.  Low and behold, he had many similar interests to mine.  Single, looking for a relationship, even lives in the same city and claims to have found what he's been searching for in me.  He quickly moved to texting, but used an odd app I had never heard of.  That was the first red flag. 

Conversations went well, although he didn't answer some of my questions.  Suddenly he has a sob story.  His parents died in a tragic accident he was then taken in by an uncle and worked hard to become an engineer.  Lived in the US now in Canada.  Previous girlfriends all cheated. Tired of games, wants something serious and forever.  Sends texts that are very obviously copy pasted and sure enough when I Googled them, that was confirmed.

He sent me pics of himself in his BMW sports car in an exotic location and goes on about how he's going to buy a Lambourgini or Range Rover sport when he gets back home.  He brags about his work and the various contracts he has.  Currently he's away on a 2 month contract, but will be home soon to spend quality time with me.  He asks a bit about my family, background and work.  The texts become less frequent, almost like he's sending them at odd hours when he knows I'm not available then apologizes for being busy.  His work is very stressful and he works long hours. 

He claims to love me and miss me.  When I question how he can love and miss someone he's never met, he says it's because we've had great conversations and an instant connection.  It's not hard to fall in love when everything is right.  My response to him was "Sure, ok." He wasn't pleased.  We hadn't even talked on the phone so not sure what conversations he was referring to.

Then out of the blue, he talks about not having enough bitcoins to purchase his research journals and how important they are to his work.  He can't get any on the Hibernia oil rig he's currently working on off the coast of Newfoundland.  Maybe he can send me some money so I can buy him the bitcoins he needs to purchase the research journals.  I told him to down load the journals using Google or use a credit card.  According to him that doesn't work, they can only be purchased with bitcoins and there's no bitcoin ATM on the rig.  Another red flag.

He goes on to insist I provide him with my banking information.  I purposely kept dancing around the conversation.  He said online banking was a great thing and he needed the research journals for his work.  I argued I don't use online banking due to having been hacked a few times.  I'd much rather go to the bank in person and deal with a teller.  He got angry and insisted I needed to use computers and technology to manage my banking and financial affairs as it is faster, easier and less stressful.  I insisted that for me, dealing with live people is far more enjoyable and not the least bit stressful compared to computers and technology.

This really frustrated him and he kept asking me what bank I use.  I quickly ended the conversation.  I told him I was on my way to meet up with friends, we'd talk some other time.  Haven't heard from him again since.  It was very obvious all he wanted was money and quickly realized he wasn't going to fool this chick.

OMG, I sat and laughed.  Pretty much from the beginning something seemed really off, but I played along.  In the back of my mind I won't lie, I was hoping he'd prove me wrong.  Maybe my bad experiences with online dating have jaded me too much and he was going to show me real, honest and kind men still exist.  A couple of days later when I signed into POF, he had deleted everything.  This is pretty much a tell tail sign someone is trying to cover his tracks.  Usually when a user deletes his profile, the emails still remain at least the ones I sent.  He went to the trouble of deleting all the emails too!

Signs he was a fake:
- He didn't answer all of my questions or took too long to answer basic questions.  How difficult is it to remember things like where do you live?  Do you have any siblings?  Where did you go to school?
- Google searches of his name turned up nothing.  The name also didn't fit his background or family heritage of Norway.  The name he used was John Fuller.  Could he be any more generic?
- He was suddenly away working on an oil rig.  No indication on the profile he travelled or went away for work.  This only turned up several days into texting out of the blue when I suggested meeting.  Could he pick a more remote location?
- According to his profile he worked for the military.  When I asked if he was army, navy or airforce, he seemed confused.  He couldn't understand why I was asking him this, until I mentioned it was on his profile.  Suddenly he was an engineer working on an oil rig in the Hibernia oil field.  He tried to back pedal and said the military contracted his services.  Seemed shocked I was familiar with the oil field and where it was.  Some of my random bits of knowledge come in very handy at unexpected moments!  The rig is run by the world's largest petroleum companies, not national defence, but whatever I could let that one go as govt can be involved in all kinds of projects and complicated. 
- Fancy cars do nothing for me, in fact when someone flaunts them I find it a major turn off.  He seemed shocked at my reaction then said he'd buy whatever vehicle I wanted because his woman had to be happy.  Sure.  The pic with the BMW was not taken in Canada, guys should pay attention to the background when sending or posting pics.  A Lambourgini in Ottawa during Winter?  Are you kidding me???  He was done at that point.
- The details he provided kept changing.  He was on a 2 month contract, then it was a 30 day contract.  He was there to find ways to refine the crude oil by applying technology, then he was there as a research analyst.
- Confidence is sexy, arrogance a major turn off.
- A bitcoin ATM?  Is he for real? 
- The icing on the cake - He wanted my banking info.  This was a huge red flag.  If you want to send me an online banking transfer all you need is my email address.  I wonder how many people actually know this?  PayPal is another option which again does not require any banking details.

Perhaps my work, studies, all my wonderful online dating escapades and random knowledge helped me identify inconsistencies and question them, thereby saving myself from being sucked in and taken advantage of.  Someone else would have totally believed everything, never challenged him, provided their banking information and had their savings wiped out.  So many people long to be loved so desperately, that they fall victim to these predators who know what to say, how to say it and when to say.  They play with your heart strings and stroke your ego to fool you into believing they truly love you and will follow through on all of their promises.  You fall in love with the idea and foolishly believe everything they tell you.  You have to look no further, your knight in shining armour has arrived and he's going to love you forever.  NOT!  Don't allow yourself to get sucked in.

Until you have met a potential mate in person, take what they say with a grain of salt.  Actions speak louder than words, don't rush and get to know them well.  Fall in love over texts and emails???  Not very likely, at least not with this chick nor should any woman fall for this.  Don't be afraid to ask questions, if they get mad or refuse to answer, you know they are hiding something.  It's easy to sit behind a computer and write all kinds of things to make yourself sound bigger and better than you really are.  Studies have proven that people are more likely to be dishonest when using online dating.  They use old or inaccurate pictures, incorrectly describe themselves, don't seem to know their height or age, lie about their profession, marital status...the list goes on and on.  Hard to verify anything until you meet them in person. 

Please, please, please do not give anyone you don't know your banking information.  Wait, as far as I'm concerned, no one should ask you for this information unless it's an employer/govt agency for direct deposit or a service provider for monthly payments.  Emailing and texting for weeks or months does not mean you know the person or that you've fallen in love.  If these guys are so successful, they shouldn't need to ask someone they've never met and have only been emailing and texting for a few weeks/months for money or banking information.  This should be a huge red flag!   Even offering to send you money to buy them things makes no sense.  How have they managed all these years without you?  Ever heard of online shopping???  Surely they have family, close friends, co-workers and business contacts.  If this so called engineer needed the research journals for his work, why didn't he bring them with him from home or make arrangements through work?  In this day and age we have the internet so any information you could possibly need is at your finger tips!  With a credit card or PayPal account you can buy pretty much anything so why impose on a stranger? 

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!  Don't allow yourself to fall victim to these predators.  Imagine how many people fall for these lies and wind up losing everything.  Even if only 1 in 10 women get sucked in, these guys are still ahead and keep doing it.  Easy way to get money if you play your cards right and convince these women who are desperate to be loved to believe your stories. 

I have guy friends that have been taken advantage of by women also.  Predators come in both sexes and don't discriminate.  Again, be smart.  Ask questions, have them provide proof and meet them in person.  Good grief, I'm going to have to start asking them to show me identification.  It will have to be government issued with a picture like their driver's license, passport or work id card in an effort to weed out the con artists! 

Be careful.  Stay tuned for more stories about the predators I've met. 
Dateless in Ottawa

Round 35 comes to an end!

After my Aunt went to bed, I called my guy.  Even though we had just been together that night, I felt like I hadn't seen him in forever.  I missed him.  We talked for a while.  I felt sad to be leaving Quebec City.  What an adventure.  My aunt had an amazing time.  She got to see a city and various towns she had never been to, made a couple of new friends and most importantly, got to spend some quality time with the kids and me!  Then there was my first meeting and my first date.  She never could've prepared herself for that!  I must say she was an awesome sport through all of it and an amazing cheerleader.  We laughed so hard, I'll never forget this.

The following morning we were up early and took a taxi to the train station.  The trip home was quiet and uneventful.  Couldn't wait to see my babies.  Dinner was ready when we got home and the kids were so happy to see me.  I had only been gone 3 weeks, but they seemed to have changed so much.  I took a few days off work to relax and get caught up.  My aunt went back home, it was hard to say good-bye, but we'd see her in a few of weeks.

My guy came back home on the Sunday, but on his way back he called to say he'd be going to North Bay for an 8 week contract.  He was going to stop at home to pack and would call me so we could meet briefly before he hit the road.  It was a gorgeous day, so I packed up my girls and headed to the beach.  I texted him a picture of us on the beach and told him I'd wait there until he called.

A few hours later he called and told me I wouldn't want to know where he was.  This didn't sound good.  When he saw the picture of me and the girls on the beach, he decided not to stop and see me.  He didn't want to take me away from the girls.  I was upset.

Him: "When I saw the picture, I couldn't take you away from the kids.  You've been away for 3 weeks.  I'll see you when I get back.  Plus, I didn't want to see you for a few minutes.  As if I'd be able to leave if I had you in my arms.  It would've been more difficult for both of us.  Enjoy your kids and the beach.  I'm sorry, don't mean to hurt you.  Trust me this is for the best."

I appreciated the consideration, but even 5 minutes with him would have been better than nothing.  Oh well.  For the next couple of weeks we talked and texted daily.  We touched on a multitude of subjects and slowly got to know all about each other, the kids, work and life in general.  It felt good.  After we got back from holidays with family, I'd go up north for a long weekend.  He was so excited. 

Everyday was filled with laughter and I so looked forward to his nightly phone call.  Three weeks later, that nightly phone call didn't happen.  I found it odd, but they were working longer shifts so I figured he'd call when he could.  The next day again, no phone call and no texts.  This was out of the ordinary.  I tried calling and left a message.  Later on I sent a text.  I went online to check the news to see if there had been an accident or maybe forest fires...who knows.  I was worried.  After months of talking daily this was weird.

Sadly there were no more texts or phone calls.  We went on our family vacation and I never heard from him again.  When we arrived at my Aunt's, the first thing she asked was, "How's -----?"  I took her aside and told her he'd disappeared.  I was so sad.  She was shocked and told me that maybe there was a good reason or something had happened. 

Aunt: "Don't give up, try one more time in a couple of days.  There has to be a good reason.  He seemed so genuine and sincere.  He was very into you."

One by one other family members asked me the same thing.  It was so hard not to break down in tears.  My Aunt had filled them all in on our first meeting and first date.  They were all so happy and excited for me.  They couldn't wait to meet this guy.  My cousin also encouraged me to call him one more time.  A few days later I tried to call him again...no answer.  I sent him one last text saying I hoped he was ok and wished him all the best. 

It was done.  A month later I mustered up the courage to log back into POF.  Huge mistake!  There was his profile, front and centre updated with new pictures.  How could he do this?  Why couldn't he be honest?  Was it all lies?  He had removed his profile when we started talking.  Didn't take him long to throw in the towel and dive back into the pond.  Why?  I felt so stupid.  How could I let myself fall so hard?  Why do men do this?   He seemed so honest and sincere.  Another academy award winner. 

Round 35 was officially over.  Just when I thought my days of online dating had come to end.  I guess there would be a round 36, but not for a while if at all.  I'd have to lick my wounds while  building up the strength and courage to start all over again.  How demoralizing.  Bye for now.

Dateless in Ottawa

Round 35 continues - Hilarious First Date!

If you thought the first meeting with Mr. Heavy Equipment Operator was incredible, wait till you read about our first date!  Looking back I still laugh and can't believe it happened.  It was incredible  to feel happy and excited for a change.  There was something to look forward to and I was having fun, so was my aunt!

My aunt and I spent the day sight seeing and checked out the biggest shopping mall in the area. It was a rainy overcast day, we'd be heading home tomorrow. Don't know where the time went, but we had so much fun. 

By late afternoon, it was raining hard.  Our site seeing came to an abrupt end, it's not fun to walk in the pouring rain.  My aunt suggested we go watch a movie then have a late dinner. Sounded great.  She's the navigator and great at finding things, so her task was to find a movie and then a theater that wasn't too far away.  Sure enough, she found one so off we went. The theatre was a ways away.  All of a sudden I stopped, parked the car and looked at her:

Me: "Hold on, you do realize we're in Quebec right?  Most theaters play movies in French, did you check the listing to see if it was playing in English?"
Aunt: "Well the title is English "Oceans 8" so it must be playing in English."
Me: "Not necessarily.  This is Quebec, even at home most of the movies on my side play in French.  Oh well, we're here let's go see."
Aunt: "I'm sure it's in English, otherwise they would've translated the title to French."
Me: "Oceans 8 doesn't translate very well.  In French it would be Océan 8???  Some things just aren't meant to be translated!  Lol"

Sure enough, we go in and the movie is playing in French.  My aunt was so disappointed.  I explained to the gentleman at the desk that she was visiting from Edmonton and didn't speak French so we were hoping to find a theater that plays movies in English.  He told us that unfortunately they are all French, but we were in luck.  That night they were having a special screening of Oceans 8 in English at 9:00 pm.  Awesome, but wait we had to return the rental car at 7:00 pm and then take a cab to come all the way back here.  That wasn't going to work.  We went back to the car and headed to the hotel. 

Me: "Wait, what if I call ----- and ask if they'd like to come to the movies with us?  I'm sure he wouldn't mind picking us up, he's only 2 blocks away?"
My aunt didn't answer right away.
Me: "Don't worry, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.  It was just a thought."
Aunt: "No, that's an excellent idea.  Give him a call and see what they're up to. "
Me: "Are you sure?  Don't do it for me, I'll see him again when we get back home."
Aunt: "No, really we'd have fun for sure and I'd like to see that movie.  Haven't been to a theatre in ages.  Call him."

I called him and asked if he was in the mood to go see a movie.  I was honest, it was Oceans 8 so might be more of a girly movie.  He asked his son and he said he wanted to see that one.  Besides it would be way better than spending the night in at the hotel alone with his Dad.  They were bored and exhausted.  It was a long day at the hospital.  His Mom had her surgery that morning and was doing really well.  They were actually on their way to the car to head to the hotel when I called.  They were thrilled to have plans and without asking, he offered to come pick us up.  We texted the address and 30 minutes later they were at the hotel. 

When we came down, they both got out of the car and opened the doors for us.  It was so nice.  We were giggling like school girls.  I made my aunt sit in the front seat next to ------ because she's the navigator.  I sat in the back with his son.  Of course, we laughed all the way.  We joked about having not 1 but 2 chaperones on our first date! 

We got to the theatre and I ran to pay since they had been nice enough to pick us up.  I didn't succeed.  ----- ran over immediately and said there was no way a woman was going to pay.  He picked me up and carried me away then dropped me at the door.  He said If I didn't let him pay, they were going to leave.  Fine, but I got the popcorn and drinks!

It was a bit early.  The theatre had a really nice lounge with comfy couches.  As soon as we got in, my aunt took over.  The whole time she had been dominating the conversation when she stopped abruptly.

Aunt: "Oh my goodness, I'm sorry.  I haven't stopped talking have I?  Geez, you guys are on your first date, you need to talk and get to know each other."
She turned to his son:
Aunt: "You and I are going to go to the other lounge and leave these two alone.  Let's go."

When it was time to go in for the movie, my aunt lead his son near the front and told him we'd be staying near the back of the theatre so we could have some privacy.  OMG, we could not stop laughing.  The theater was empty, it was just us.  A few people trickled in after the movie started.

He eventually took my hand and smiled.  We shared popcorn and snuggled.  It was so nice.

Him: "Can you believe we're here?  My goodness, I have to drive almost 7 hours to meet you.  I'm so happy you called tonight.  I was hoping I'd get to see you again before you leave.  Not sure when I'll be home.  We'll see how Mom does over the next few days.  Today was really long."
Me: "I know, this is unbelievable.  But how amazing.  You're finally holding my hand too!"
Him:  "This is hilarious, we're here with 2 chaperones!  You'd think it was like 1950 or something.  No one will believe this.  Is your Aunt ok with it, don't want to make her feel uncomfortable?"
Me: "I guess some things are meant to be.  My Aunt was totally cool with calling you guys, she really wanted to see a movie.  With the weather so bad there wasn't much else to do."
Him: "Your Aunt can talk!  OMG. She's hilarious."
Me: "She loves to talk and she's pretty cool."
Him: "I still can't believe this.  Is this for real?  You really here?  Lol"
Me: "Yup, we're here.  Finally!!!"

The movie was good, we all enjoyed it.  We took the scenic route home, I think he just wanted to spend as much time as he could with me.  When we arrived at the hotel, my Aunt thanked them both and jumped out of the car.

Aunt: "Thanks again guys, hope your Mom is ok.  Take care, hope to see you again at home.  I'll head up to the room, see you in a bit."

We were both hoping to kiss goodnight, but were interrupted by his son so a hug was all we could manage.  It was like we were kids and had to behave.  He smelled so good and it felt amazing to be in the arms of a man. 

Him: "I'm hoping to head home on Sunday if all goes well.  Do you think I'd be able to see you?"
Me: "Absolutely, let me know when you're back and we'll figure it out.  No plans for Sunday so far.  Take care of your Mom."  To his son, "It was great to meet you.  Enjoy your time with your Dad and Grandma.  Make sure your Dad stays out of trouble."
Him: "Bye Beautiful, I'll call you later."

Upstairs I went.  If only we could've spent more time together.  A movie is not an ideal date.  You can't really talk, but the cuddling was nice.  The minute I walked into our hotel room, my aunt and I burst out laughing.  OMG, I was cramping it hurt! 

Aunt: "What a wonderful night. His son is such a nice kid and so mature.  We had a great discussion on a bunch of different topics.  Did you guys have fun?  Sorry I talk so much, I noticed and that's why I took his son with me so you guys could be alone.  When I'm around, you don't talk."
Me: "When you're around no one get's a word in edgewise! Lol"
Aunt: "I know I like talking to everyone."
Me: "We had a really nice time.  This is so old fashioned.  People aren't going to believe me, you'll have to be my witness.  OMG 2 chaperones, I've never!"
Aunt:  "I can't wait to tell everyone in Edmonton.  You know, I think this is going to work for you.  I just have this feeling.  It took a lot of work and effort, but that will make things all the better.  He's such a nice guy and they are so polite.  Very old fashioned, I love the chivalry and he's taught his son well.  You deserve to be happy.  Take your time and enjoy.  I'm happy for you."

We laughed for what seemed like an eternity  I couldn't remember the last time I felt so happy.  What an amazing week.  Now I really missed my babies and was looking forward to going home.  Can't wait to see what the future has in store.  If this doesn't classify as a unique or unusual first date, I don't know what does.  Sweet dreams and good luck everyone!

Dateless in Ottawa

Round 35 continues - Unbelievable first meeting

Communication with Mr. Heavy Equipment continued fast and furious.  It was crazy that every time we planned to meet, something would come up and one of us had to travel.  As he was returning to Ottawa, I was sent to Quebec and I wouldn't be back for 3 weeks.  We laughed it off.  If we could survive all of these set backs, chances are things would work out.  As my parents always said, if it's worth having, you have to work hard to get it!

We talked every day for hours. It felt like we'd known each other forever. No topic was left unexplored, but unlike other men he was never inappropriate or blatantly sexual.  He was a very respectful gentleman and somewhat religious. 

When I finished my 3 week stint in Quebec, I made arrangements to have my aunt come out and meet me.  She'd never been to Quebec City and after watching my kids I thought it would be nice to spend a girls' weekend together.  As I was driving to Quebec City, my guy called and said his mother was being urgently air lifted to Quebec City from Newfoundland.  She might need emergency heart surgery.  He was going to try to get off work and drive down to be with her because his sisters couldn't travel.  I told him I'd be in Quebec City so if there was anything I could do to let me know.

My aunt arrived and we had a blast sight seeing in different towns and trying out restaurants.  The weather was beautiful.  We spent hours taking walking tours and shopping.  I casually mentioned to her that a friend's mom was being airlifted and I might sneak away to meet him for coffee if he came down. 

Aunt: "Absolutely, what a coincidence that you're here.  I'm sure he'd appreciate the support.  You go, don't worry about me.  I can keep myself entertained."

I hadn't told her I was using online dating.  She's actually my late husband's aunt, but since his death we've become extremely close.  I see her like a mother figure and was afraid she'd be upset so decided not to tell her I was trying to date. 

Our second day in Quebec City my guy called and said he was on his way with his son.  His Mom was having tests done and they would decide the following morning whether she was strong enough to have surgery.  The hospital was 2 blocks away from our hotel.  He'd call when he arrived. 

That evening we had dinner downtown and then decided to sit and people watch.  It was so busy just bustling with people in Old Quebec City.  My guy called and asked what we were up to.

Me: "We're hanging out on a bench in front of the Chateau Frontenac."
Him: "We were thinking of heading downtown for a bite and then do some walking around.  You girls enjoy, maybe we'll see you tomorrow."

About a half hour later while we were sitting in the park talking I hear someone calling my name. I thought it was one of my colleagues who was still in town, but when I looked over my jaw dropped.  I immediately recognized the car, then him, then his laughter.

Me: "C----?"
Him: "Would you know where I can park the car?"
Me: "Yes, continue straight then turn to the right and you should find spots along the road."

Within minutes they were standing in front of us.  I ran over and hugged him, trying to maintain my composure.  I was in shock. We live 5 minutes away from each other and had tried to meet so many times and here we were standing face to face in Quebec City 5 hours away from home!  What are the odds?  Talk about unusual first meeting!  He introduced us to his son and we talked for a while.  His son was very pleasant and he was his usual hilarious self. 

Him: "Well ladies, it was great to run into you.  We're going to let you ladies continue your visit and go grab a bite then do some touring around.  What do you suggest?"
Aunt: "We did the walking tour earlier and it was great.  It won't be dark for a bit, so if you eat fast do that you'll really enjoy it and see most of the old city."
Me: "Have a great night, we'll talk later."

We hugged good bye and off they went.

Aunt: "What a nice guy.  How long have you known him?"

Ok, I didn't know what to say.  Tell the truth or lie?  I couldn't lie to her.

Me: "Auntie, there's something I have to tell you.  I hope you're not too disappointed.  A few months ago I decided to use online dating.  It's been 5 years and I truly feel I need to move on.  We've been emailing and talking for several weeks, but with all my travel and his work were never able to meet before now."

There was a long moment of silence, I wasn't sure what she was going to say.

Aunt: "You mean this was the first time you've met him in person?"
Me: "Yes."
Aunt: "Are you kidding, oh my goodness that's hilarious!"

Suddenly she burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.  It was so contagious, I joined her.  People in the park must have thought we had lost it.  We laughed so hard, we were crying. 

Aunt: "Seriously, this is the first time you've met in person?"
Me: "Yes, I can't lie to you.  We live 5 minutes apart and here we are meeting in Quebec City for the first time."
Aunt: "How did he find you?  It had to be your hair.  The park is full, what are the odds he'd find you in this crowd?  You mentioned we were here, but still.  Oh my goodness, this is too funny.  I was with you for your first meeting.  He's so polite, I approve!  His son is really nice too.  What a pair!  You with me and him with his son."

We laughed even more.  I thought I was going to pee myself and I was cramping up in pain.  Off to find a washroom then we went for coffee before heading back to the hotel.

Later that night me and my guy talked.  I asked him how he had found me.

Him: "As we were driving around the park, you turned your head and I saw your face.  I recognized you right away.  By the way, you look way more beautiful in person.  How could I miss you?"
Me: "The park was crowded, you must have seen my hair."
Him: "No, honest I saw your face that's why I pulled over.  I was hoping I'd find you and I did.  Great first meeting huh?  Your aunt seems really nice, she's funny and likes to talk doesn't she?"
Me: "She insists you recognized my hair.  She liked you and your son.  I told her about the online dating and how we've been trying to meet.  She couldn't stop laughing, she thinks it's the most hilarious thing ever.  We laughed so hard we almost peed ourselves.  She couldn't believe it was our first meeting."
Him: "So glad we finally met.  Mom is good, they're going to decide on the surgery tomorrow.  Have a great night.  Sorry I couldn't kiss you, I really wanted to.  Didn't want to be inappropriate in front of your aunt.  I wasn't sure if she knew the whole story.  Man this is too funny.  I can't believe I had to drive so far to meet you for the first time, but I'm glad I did.  Sweet dreams."

Aunt: "You deserve happiness.  This guy seems really nice, I hope things work out.  I'll never forget this.  No worries if you need to go to the hospital tomorrow.  Good night!"

I look back and still laugh.  It felt good and having my aunt's approval meant a lot.  Now I'm going to leave you hanging.  After all, there has to be some suspense and intrigue!  Bye for now,

Dateless in Ottawa