I went out with friends for drinks. Always nice to catch up and take a break from work. Some of us are single and using the various online dating apps and the oh so wonderful world of online dating. I love listening to and comparing online dating stories, but at times it's quite sad.
One friend in particular seemed very quiet. Later that night when it was just the two of us, she asked if we could talk. She asked me if I was having any luck with dating. I just laughed out loud. At this point I'm not putting any effort into online dating. It pretty much becomes another full-time job with no rewards. Better to focus on my kids and work. Plus with all the travel for work there really doesn't leave much time for a life, let alone planning dates that wind up not happening or that are a disappointment because men can't be honest.
I asked her how she was doing and she got really upset. She said she was taking a break. Things had never been great for her with the online dating. After a 14 year relationship ended abruptly, she dove into online dating because that's what single people do these days. From the beginning the dating was terrible. She said she'd lost count of how many times she'd been stood up. Then there's the guys that don't look anything like their pictures or who pretty much lied about everything in their profile. Her last two dates went extremely badly. I could tell she needed to vent so I sympathized and encouraged her to tell me about them. We ordered more drinks, I had a feeling we were going to need them!
Date #1.
They had emailed and texted for a bit then moved to the phone. He seemed nice enough and they had a few things in common. Finally he asked her to meet up for drinks and she accepted. He showed up on time, although he didn't quite look like his picture. Turns out his profile pic was only about 15 years old! Men are too much, you don't think a woman is going to notice?
The hostess took them over to a table and then he excused himself, he said he needed to go back to the car because he forgot his wallet. Sounded plausible enough. She sat and waited. Some time had passed and she wondered if he was ok. Initially she was thinking great, he took off, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and go check on him. They had arrived at the same time so she knew which car was his.
She walked through the parking lot and noticed he was sitting in the driver's seat. She thought, "Ok, he's still here, maybe he needs help finding his wallet?"
When she arrived at the car and looked in, she was not prepared for what she saw. He was in the process of jerking off and suddenly came. There was semen all over his shirt and everywhere. Just then there was a woman and her children walking by. She was beyond disgusted. She ran to her car and left.
OMG are you kidding me??? Who does that in a busy parking lot?
The next morning he texts her and asks, "Didn't you like what you saw?"
Geez dude, she left what do you think? Obviously not the brightest crayon in the box.
I tried not to laugh. Wow, that was crazy. But wait, she said the next story was far worse and the reason why she can't date anymore.
Date #2.
From the moment she read this guy's profile, she liked him. Something stood out and he seemed like the type of guy she'd want to date. They had great conversations and laughed a lot. He suggested dinner and she was excited. Finally a guy that seemed decent.
They met up and she was so happy that looked like his picture, it was a great start. They laughed and talked the whole night. Dinner was great, but finally they had to leave cause it was closing time. He said he didn't want the night to end because he was having so much fun. They tried to think of where to go and he suggested maybe a park or somewhere they could go for a walk since it was beautiful out. Neither one of them were familiar with that neighbourhood so they decided to go outside and figure it out.
Across the way there was a high school. He suggested they could just walk over there and sit and talk. Perfect, off they went. The conversation continued when suddenly he grabbed her by the neck and slammed her to the ground. Before she could figure out what had happened, he had her pinned down, still gripping her throat and was trying to get her clothes off.
She screamed and told him to get off. He said, "I can tell you like it rough, let's have fun." She tried to fight him off and he seemed to like that. She was in panic mode and couldn't get away. She finally yelled and said, "We're at a high school, there are cameras everywhere this isn't going to end well for you. What are you doing, get off me!"
She said she doesn't know how she managed to shove him off, but she got up and ran for her life.
Her: "I don't understand. We were having an awesome date. I totally would've gone out with him again. What did I do wrong? Why do these things keep happening to me? What if we weren't at the high school, where would I be now? I can't date anymore, I'm terrified. It shouldn't be like this."
Me: "I'm so sorry. No one deserves that. I can totally sympathize, unfortunately I've had worse. It isn't your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. What he did was wrong. Did you call the police?"
Her: "No, I was so ashamed and embarrassed. What would people think? I never heard from him again."
Me: "Sad that we blame ourselves. Why is that? Are you ok?"
Her: "I don't know. My life isn't how it should be. My relationship was perfect, I don't want to have to date. Aren't there any nice people left in this world? Why would a guy do that? What does he hope to gain?"
Me: "He obviously only wanted one thing and decided he was going to get it no matter what. The world has changed, it's very sad. It shouldn't be this way. Stay strong and don't give up, someone nice will come along. Wish I had better advice or tips to share, but I'm in the same boat. Hard not to become jaded. Take a break and no more going for walks on dates!"
This brought back memories of my really bad dates. I had buried them in the back of my mind, but was suddenly reliving them. I felt horrible for her, but was happy she was able to get away. Some of us aren't that lucky and it's something that stays with you forever. For me it's the worst violation a man can commit. The sense of entitlement and lack of respect is appalling. Then as much as we want their sorry ass thrown in jail and to save other women from the same experience, we're too ashamed to report it. What a sad state of affairs!
No, means no!
Dateless in Ottawa
