This blind date stuff was dragging on so in the background there was POF. More emails from men desperately looking for sex. How sad and pathetic. I give them credit for being honest and persistent, but after reading my profile it should have been painfully clear that I was not the least bit interested in one night stands or any kind of casual sexual relationship.
Browsing through profiles I came across a couple more of guys I know for a fact are in relationships yet here they are on POF claiming to be single or divorced! Are these guys for real??? Do they honestly think no one will see their picture and tell their wife/girlfriend? If there's one thing I've learned it's that Ottawa is way too small, sooner or later they will get caught. Unfortunate that innocent people wind up getting hurt. If you're not happy, step up and be honest. Don't make it any more ugly and painful than in has to be.
In the meantime, Mr. Stucco was earning bonus points for perseverance. The chivalry was front and centre making it very difficult to overlook. I'm not one to date several people at once. I needed to figure out whether things with Mr. Blind Date were going to work out or not. At this rate things weren't looking great mostly because in my opinion they were moving way too slow. There was also the question of the criminal record which would totally extinguish any possibility of a relationship if it did in fact exist.
Mr. Stucco texted regularly to wish me a good day in the morning and then again later at night to ask how my day had gone. He wasn't pushy or demanding, but was definitely working hard to keep my attention. I appreciated the thoughtfulness. He asked if I'd go see a movie with him on the weekend and I told him I'd get back to him soon. Thursday I was supposed to go out with Mr. Blind Date so by then I'd be able to figure things out somewhat and decide what to do.
Thursday morning arrived and I was excited. Work seemed to drag on all day. I thought it would never end. Finally I was home and getting ready, waiting for the phone call. It was odd, but Mr. Blind Date hadn't texted at all or sent any of his trademark FB pictures. Oh well. I went about my usual routine getting the kids fed and cleaning up and waited. 6:00 pm came and went and no phone call or text. 7:00 pm and still no word. It wasn't uncommon for him to pick up extra hours so I figured he probably worked late and then got stuck in traffic on his way home. 8:00 pm and that was it. Obviously at this point I wasn't going to go out and didn't expect to hear from him.
As a single parent, I know shit happens. A kid gets hurt, we forget about a sporting activity or play date, the school calls and you have 20 minutes to pick up your sick child then off to the urgent care clinic and the list goes on and on. I would give him the benefit of the doubt and wait to see what happens.
Friday morning I sent him a quick text asking if he was ok and wishing him a good day. He responded by asking if I'd like to meet for a walk that night. What? We're back to meeting and going for a walk? No mention of last night's date that didn't happen, no explanation. All as if nothing. Is this guy serious? I was floored and frankly, very annoyed. Instead I texted Mr. Stucco and accepted his movie invitation then texted Mr. Blind Date and told him I already had plans, maybe next week.
My girl friend called to ask me how the date went. She was shocked when I told her it didn't happen.
Her: "Are you sure you were supposed to go out on Thursday? Maybe you misunderstood?"
Me: "No, I didn't misunderstand. Here, let me read you his email."
The email was very clear. He sent it on the Wednesday. He apologized profusely for cancelling at the last minute. He went on to say he truly felt a connection and wanted to get to know me better so we could build a solid relationship. In the past he had made some bad choices, but I seemed like a really nice girl and he didn't want to mess it up. He was looking forward to Thursday night and decided we should meet for dinner. We could decide together where to go. No matter what we decided, he had no doubt we'd have lots of fun. Start with friendship and go from there.
Her: "Oh, I see. That's not good. I don't understand. He was talking about you at work. My hubby overheard him telling another guy how much he liked you and looked forward to getting to know you. He mentionned you guys were going out. Something must have happened."
Me: "I know things can happen, but no email and then texting the next day like nothing? Then the whole walk thing again?"
Her: "Really not cool, but he is a man afterall."
Me: "Being a person of your word is important to me. I don't have time for games, we're adults."
Her: "Yeah, I totally get it. I'll see if my hubby can find out what happened. He'll give him shit if he stood you up. That's so not right. Hang in there, if not him eventually the right one will come along."
I talked to another girlfriend that night and she was like, "You've been way too nice and patient already. Stop wasting your time. If he truly liked you, he'd make more of an effort. Can't afford coffee and forgets when he makes a date? NEXT! Move on honey you deserve way better. You're too good for him. I'm sorry you keep getting disappointed. Don't give up hope, Mr. Right will eventually find you. He just has to ask for directions."
Oh well. I had plans to go to the movies. Wish me luck, I so need it!!!!!
Dateless in Ottawa
Monday 5 September 2016
Mr. Blind Date finally makes contact!
After about a week, Mr. Blind date finally made contact. He sent a friend request on FB and I accepted. Soon after he started sending messages and pictures, unfortunately I couldn't open them on my wireless device and when I did there was nothing there. I was confused wondering why he was sending me blank messages. Leave it to me the IT challenged individual. No surprise that I didn't even think to log into my laptop. I don't get many messages on FB so I only browse occassionally on my device. Once again, I fail to understand why people can't call or at the very least text. He had my number. Why send pictures through FB? At least email. Don't people talk anymore? I felt really bad when I logged into my FB account and low and behold, there were all the pictures he had been sending. There were flowers and some really nice sayings. He was probably thinking, "What's up with this chick, here I am trying to be romantic and she's not responding???" I wrote to him and apologized. I explained how IT challenged I am and that texting or calling would be way better for me. Technology is not my forte. I'm the old fashioned, talking on the phone or meeting in person kind of gal. Thankfully he thought that was hilarious.
We finally started texting. He said he really liked me and we should get together soon. He had plans for the weekend so we'd touch base early next week. I received several texts over the weekend and we agreed to meet up Tuesday night for drinks after dinner. I was excited. He was a really fun guy so even if it didn't progress any further than friendship, he'd make a great friend. The fact that he didn't live too far from me was a bonus with both of us having the kids at home.
Tuesday arrived and as promised, he called me when he got home from work. Sadly he sounded horrible. His voice was raspy and kept breaking up. It was obvious he was sick.
Him: "I'm really, really sorry but I'm having a really bad allergy attack. I've been sick like this all day. I went to the pharmacy to get allergy meds, but they aren't working. I feel horrible cancelling on you last minute, but can we go out on Thursday night instead?"
Me: "You sound terrible. Stay home and relax, Thursday works for me."
Him: "I swear I'm not brushing you off, I really do want to see you again. I had a great time at the concert and I think we'd be a good match. I feel like a jerk, but I wouldn't be any fun tonight."
Me: "I completely understand, don't worry. I appreciate you being honest and not wanting to share your germs. It's all good, we'll meet up on Thursday."
Him: "By the way, I'm having some financial issues so can we meet somewhere and just go for a walk?"
I paused for a second. This was not what I expected to hear, but hey we all have our financial constraints and bonus to him for being honest. Coffee wouldn't set a person back that much, but whatever. Best to get out and enjoy the Summer while it lasts. Lac Leamy would be a really nice setting to sit and talk and maybe wade in the water.
Me: "Ok, that's fine. Why don't we meet at Lac Leamy and take a walk around the lake?"
Him: "Lac Leamy? That's a bit far. I thought you lived closer to me."
Me: "I'm just across the bridge from you. We could go somewhere else, you decide I'm flexible. Give me a shout when you get home from work and we'll go from there."
Him: "Yeah, ok. Have a great night and we'll talk soon. Thanks for understanding I really appreciate it."
He couldn't afford coffee and now I live too far away??? This wasn't leaving me with a very fuzzy feeling. I finally meet someone that on the surface seemed to be a reasonably good match and lived close by, but by the end of the conversation most hope had quickly dissipated.
He sent me a long email the following day. Once again he apologized profusely for cancelling at the last minute. He went on to say he truly felt a connection and wanted to get to know me better so we could build a solid relationship. In the past he had made some bad choices, but I seemed like a really nice girl and he didn't want to mess it up. He was looking forward to Thursday night and decided we should meet for dinner. We could decide together where to go. No matter what we decided, he had no doubt we'd have lots of fun. Start with friendship and go from there.
He redeemed himself! Lol The email left me feeling really positive. I responded and thanked him for his email. Thursday night would definitely be fun. We'd talk after work and make plans.
I called my girl friend to tell her the news and she was thrilled. She filled her hubby in and he'd follow up with him after the date to see what he thought. They also wanted to plan a BBQ at their place, but I told them to wait a bit.
Off I went to get a pedicure, had to look good for my date!
Dateless in Ottawa
We finally started texting. He said he really liked me and we should get together soon. He had plans for the weekend so we'd touch base early next week. I received several texts over the weekend and we agreed to meet up Tuesday night for drinks after dinner. I was excited. He was a really fun guy so even if it didn't progress any further than friendship, he'd make a great friend. The fact that he didn't live too far from me was a bonus with both of us having the kids at home.
Tuesday arrived and as promised, he called me when he got home from work. Sadly he sounded horrible. His voice was raspy and kept breaking up. It was obvious he was sick.
Him: "I'm really, really sorry but I'm having a really bad allergy attack. I've been sick like this all day. I went to the pharmacy to get allergy meds, but they aren't working. I feel horrible cancelling on you last minute, but can we go out on Thursday night instead?"
Me: "You sound terrible. Stay home and relax, Thursday works for me."
Him: "I swear I'm not brushing you off, I really do want to see you again. I had a great time at the concert and I think we'd be a good match. I feel like a jerk, but I wouldn't be any fun tonight."
Me: "I completely understand, don't worry. I appreciate you being honest and not wanting to share your germs. It's all good, we'll meet up on Thursday."
Him: "By the way, I'm having some financial issues so can we meet somewhere and just go for a walk?"
I paused for a second. This was not what I expected to hear, but hey we all have our financial constraints and bonus to him for being honest. Coffee wouldn't set a person back that much, but whatever. Best to get out and enjoy the Summer while it lasts. Lac Leamy would be a really nice setting to sit and talk and maybe wade in the water.
Me: "Ok, that's fine. Why don't we meet at Lac Leamy and take a walk around the lake?"
Him: "Lac Leamy? That's a bit far. I thought you lived closer to me."
Me: "I'm just across the bridge from you. We could go somewhere else, you decide I'm flexible. Give me a shout when you get home from work and we'll go from there."
Him: "Yeah, ok. Have a great night and we'll talk soon. Thanks for understanding I really appreciate it."
He couldn't afford coffee and now I live too far away??? This wasn't leaving me with a very fuzzy feeling. I finally meet someone that on the surface seemed to be a reasonably good match and lived close by, but by the end of the conversation most hope had quickly dissipated.
He sent me a long email the following day. Once again he apologized profusely for cancelling at the last minute. He went on to say he truly felt a connection and wanted to get to know me better so we could build a solid relationship. In the past he had made some bad choices, but I seemed like a really nice girl and he didn't want to mess it up. He was looking forward to Thursday night and decided we should meet for dinner. We could decide together where to go. No matter what we decided, he had no doubt we'd have lots of fun. Start with friendship and go from there.
He redeemed himself! Lol The email left me feeling really positive. I responded and thanked him for his email. Thursday night would definitely be fun. We'd talk after work and make plans.
I called my girl friend to tell her the news and she was thrilled. She filled her hubby in and he'd follow up with him after the date to see what he thought. They also wanted to plan a BBQ at their place, but I told them to wait a bit.
Off I went to get a pedicure, had to look good for my date!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 28 August 2016
Review of the Blind Date
The next day my girl friend and I caught up to compare notes. Before I met my date I had some information on him, but I learned a lot more during the date. My friends didn't know him very well, just some basics. Him and my girl friend's husband worked together. What I knew before the date:
- he worked in construction
- he had kids
- was well liked by his co-workers
- had a great sense of humour
- he was tall
- he had tattoos
When I met him, the first thing that stood out was his height. He was about 6'2, stocky, with dark hair and eyes. His eyes lit up and he had a great smile. The entire night he had us in stitches laughing at his jokes, stories and antics.
He definitely had tattoos. Perhaps a few too many for my taste. I'm all for art and personal expression, but if you're going to put something permanent on your body it should be done tastefully and professionally. I think consideration of where to put them is also extremely important. Tattoos can be beautiful, but there's a time and place for them. Personally I would prefer to have them in strategic places where they are easy to hide for instances where you may prefer someone doesn't see them (ie. Job interview, wedding or special occasion, etc.). He had some on his hands that you'd never be able to hide.
He dressed well and was very well put together.
Other common interests included cooking, music, family and going out. He wasn't big on travel due to financial constraints, but loved taking the kids camping. Overall things looked good, camping wasn't for me but a couple doesn't having to do everything together. I was going to keep an open mind.
He had children. We thought he had 2, but it turns out there were 3. The youngest was from his last relationship and the 2 older ones from his first relationship of which he had recently won full custody of.
Throughout the night we had a few conversations and talked about the usual work, kids and life. When I first meet someone I tend to be very quiet and reserved. I listen, ask a few questions, watch how they interact with others and pay attention. Amazing the things you can learn about a person just by sitting back and listening and watching their body language.
At one point he commented about having been away on holidays and how he went to court to fight for custody when he got out. This stood out. What kind of vacation does one go on where you then have to be "let out"? Call me negative or an over thinker, but did that mean jail? OMG, this was not good. With my security requirements at work this could be a very bad thing. This was red flag #1.
As it relates to the kids, I already have 4 so another 3 could be a challenge. I love kids and wanted more so would definitely be open to trying, but past experience taught me that juggling the sports and activity schedules for several kids can be exhausting and leave little time for one-on-one with a potential mate. In this case, based on his stories, there would also be 2 crazy exs to deal with and this was less than appealing to me. I don't do well with crazy ex's, been there, done that, got the battle scars! No thank you. Red flag #2.
Most of my "must haves" were checked off, so there was definitely some potential. By the same token some clarifications were required.
When my girl friend and I met up, she was surprised at my observations.
Her: "Jail, are you sure? OMG, where was I? I totally didn't hear that part of the conversation, but I can see how you'd assume that. Vacation and when he got out he went to court??? Maybe I was too busy enjoying the popcorn! Lol Well you have to find out, that would not be good for your job. I'll ask my hubby, but he totally wouldn't set you up with someone that has a record if he knew about it. They are not close friends, just work together so hard to know everything."
Me: "All good, I could be totally wrong. After so many bad experiences I just assume the worst. If we go out again I can ask him and see."
Her: "He really liked you. It seemed like you guys were hitting it off and you had fun."
Me: "I did have a great time. He is really nice and he seems like he's totally my type."
Her: "My hubby did a great job, I'm so impressed."
Me: "Me too, thank him for me."
Now it was the waiting game. Who does what and when? I'm old fashionned so as far as I'm concerned, he had to make the first move.
We'll have to wait and see what happens! Enjoy your weekend,
Dateless in Ottawa
- he worked in construction
- he had kids
- was well liked by his co-workers
- had a great sense of humour
- he was tall
- he had tattoos
When I met him, the first thing that stood out was his height. He was about 6'2, stocky, with dark hair and eyes. His eyes lit up and he had a great smile. The entire night he had us in stitches laughing at his jokes, stories and antics.
He definitely had tattoos. Perhaps a few too many for my taste. I'm all for art and personal expression, but if you're going to put something permanent on your body it should be done tastefully and professionally. I think consideration of where to put them is also extremely important. Tattoos can be beautiful, but there's a time and place for them. Personally I would prefer to have them in strategic places where they are easy to hide for instances where you may prefer someone doesn't see them (ie. Job interview, wedding or special occasion, etc.). He had some on his hands that you'd never be able to hide.
He dressed well and was very well put together.
Other common interests included cooking, music, family and going out. He wasn't big on travel due to financial constraints, but loved taking the kids camping. Overall things looked good, camping wasn't for me but a couple doesn't having to do everything together. I was going to keep an open mind.
He had children. We thought he had 2, but it turns out there were 3. The youngest was from his last relationship and the 2 older ones from his first relationship of which he had recently won full custody of.
Throughout the night we had a few conversations and talked about the usual work, kids and life. When I first meet someone I tend to be very quiet and reserved. I listen, ask a few questions, watch how they interact with others and pay attention. Amazing the things you can learn about a person just by sitting back and listening and watching their body language.
At one point he commented about having been away on holidays and how he went to court to fight for custody when he got out. This stood out. What kind of vacation does one go on where you then have to be "let out"? Call me negative or an over thinker, but did that mean jail? OMG, this was not good. With my security requirements at work this could be a very bad thing. This was red flag #1.
As it relates to the kids, I already have 4 so another 3 could be a challenge. I love kids and wanted more so would definitely be open to trying, but past experience taught me that juggling the sports and activity schedules for several kids can be exhausting and leave little time for one-on-one with a potential mate. In this case, based on his stories, there would also be 2 crazy exs to deal with and this was less than appealing to me. I don't do well with crazy ex's, been there, done that, got the battle scars! No thank you. Red flag #2.
Most of my "must haves" were checked off, so there was definitely some potential. By the same token some clarifications were required.
When my girl friend and I met up, she was surprised at my observations.
Her: "Jail, are you sure? OMG, where was I? I totally didn't hear that part of the conversation, but I can see how you'd assume that. Vacation and when he got out he went to court??? Maybe I was too busy enjoying the popcorn! Lol Well you have to find out, that would not be good for your job. I'll ask my hubby, but he totally wouldn't set you up with someone that has a record if he knew about it. They are not close friends, just work together so hard to know everything."
Me: "All good, I could be totally wrong. After so many bad experiences I just assume the worst. If we go out again I can ask him and see."
Her: "He really liked you. It seemed like you guys were hitting it off and you had fun."
Me: "I did have a great time. He is really nice and he seems like he's totally my type."
Her: "My hubby did a great job, I'm so impressed."
Me: "Me too, thank him for me."
Now it was the waiting game. Who does what and when? I'm old fashionned so as far as I'm concerned, he had to make the first move.
We'll have to wait and see what happens! Enjoy your weekend,
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday 24 August 2016
The Blind Date!
After what seemed like an eternity, Thursday night arrived. My girl friend had sent me pictures of my date from Facebook and her husband had showed him pictures of me. We were both excited. As single parents, I think any change in routine is welcome!
I finished work early and decided I'd meet everyone at the venue instead of waiting for them to pick me up. Worked out well because traffic was horrible and they were running late. It was a beautiful night. The sun had been shining all day and there was a nice breeze. I arrived first. My date had also arrived early, but he went to a bar to kill the time until everyone arrived. My girl friend texted that he was over at a bar close by wearing a blue shirt, but I couldn't figure out where he was. Turns out I parked in the wrong place no where near where I was supposed to be. Oh well, I waited for my friends to arrive. They parked in the wrong place too! Lol
We finally found the venue where we were supposed to be. Since we were late, we didn't have time to eat so popcorn had to do the trick! I went next door to the movie theatre and bought popcorn.
My date was there. He was tall and stocky with short dark hair and dark eyes. He was totally my type. My friend did a great job, you'd think I had picked this guy myself! He was very friendly and hilarious. It was obvious he was a bit nervous. The night was filled with laughter and interesting conversations. The concert was great as usual and afterwards we hung around and chatted for a bit.
Since we had parked in the wrong place, my date drove us back to our vehicles. He was thoroughly impressed that I drove a truck. When we got to my vehicle, he insisted on me waiting until he came around to open the door for me. Chivalry gets my attention every time so he was scoring major brownie points. He walked me to the truck, thanked me for agreeing to meet him and gave me a huge hug. He said he hoped to see me again soon.
It was a great night. Everyone had fun. There was no pressure and I was very happy I had agreed to go. It was late, so I decided to meet up with my girl friend for lunch the next day to compare notes.
Funny how you hear mixed reviews about blind dates, but I had a great time. I guess the fact that my friend did such a good job finding someone that was very compatible with me helps. Going on a double date also takes a lot of the pressure off.
Stay tuned for the verdict! Thanks for reading and have a great night.
Dateless in Ottawa
I finished work early and decided I'd meet everyone at the venue instead of waiting for them to pick me up. Worked out well because traffic was horrible and they were running late. It was a beautiful night. The sun had been shining all day and there was a nice breeze. I arrived first. My date had also arrived early, but he went to a bar to kill the time until everyone arrived. My girl friend texted that he was over at a bar close by wearing a blue shirt, but I couldn't figure out where he was. Turns out I parked in the wrong place no where near where I was supposed to be. Oh well, I waited for my friends to arrive. They parked in the wrong place too! Lol
We finally found the venue where we were supposed to be. Since we were late, we didn't have time to eat so popcorn had to do the trick! I went next door to the movie theatre and bought popcorn.
My date was there. He was tall and stocky with short dark hair and dark eyes. He was totally my type. My friend did a great job, you'd think I had picked this guy myself! He was very friendly and hilarious. It was obvious he was a bit nervous. The night was filled with laughter and interesting conversations. The concert was great as usual and afterwards we hung around and chatted for a bit.
Since we had parked in the wrong place, my date drove us back to our vehicles. He was thoroughly impressed that I drove a truck. When we got to my vehicle, he insisted on me waiting until he came around to open the door for me. Chivalry gets my attention every time so he was scoring major brownie points. He walked me to the truck, thanked me for agreeing to meet him and gave me a huge hug. He said he hoped to see me again soon.
It was a great night. Everyone had fun. There was no pressure and I was very happy I had agreed to go. It was late, so I decided to meet up with my girl friend for lunch the next day to compare notes.
Funny how you hear mixed reviews about blind dates, but I had a great time. I guess the fact that my friend did such a good job finding someone that was very compatible with me helps. Going on a double date also takes a lot of the pressure off.
Stay tuned for the verdict! Thanks for reading and have a great night.
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday 17 August 2016
Ok, back to POF while waiting for the blind date
I was excited about the blind date, but that was still a week away so I decided to log back into POF to read the latest emails. Great way to kill the time and a good source of entertainment when one is bored. Worst case I could email Mr. Grizzly or Mr. HVAC to find out how their POF experiences were going.
5. Mr. Stucco
He was 54, divorced and the profile stated his kids were all over 18. He wasn't tall with salt and pepper hair and a stockier build. The profile picture was great with a nice smile. By reading the profile you could tell he wasn't a writer. It was short and to the point. Family was a big priority in his life. His introductory email was polite and complimentary. The least I could do was respond as he sounded sincere and I found him attractive.
We exchanged a few emails, but at times he didn't respond for days. I wasn't sure how serious he was and figured he was probably emailing with a bunch of women at the same time. Responses were very short or one word answers which annoy me. After several of these short emails I suggested texting or talking on the phone, but told him that meeting for coffee should happen sooner rather than later. I wasn't interested in endless emails or texting. He seemed surprised and said that would be a good idea, maybe we could arrange something soon.
After a couple of weeks of emailing and texting he finally called me out of the blue. I was out with a girl friend so I asked him if I could call him later and he agreed. We had a good conversation. He was funny and entertaining. Our backgrounds and family were very similar so there was lots to talk about. He asked if I'd be willing to meet him for a drink and I agreed. He was very accommodating and insisted on a place close to my house in case I needed to get back to the kids. Friday night we would meet and go from there.
He arrived before I did and waited in the parking lot. I recognized him immediately, but I was very disappointed. He had long hair and was bigger than in his picture which obviously wasn't recent. He was extremely polite and had all the elements of chivalry down pat. We had a really nice time and our waiter was hilarious. The conversation flowed really well. We grew up in the same neighbourhood and knew a lot of the same people. Turns out I knew some of his immediate relatives too. What a small world!
For me when someone doesn't look like their picture, I immediately have doubts and wonder what else they are being dishonest about. Usually you only have one chance to make a good first impression, but for some reason he managed to keep my attention. He came across very honest and sincere. Part way through the night I did call him on his picture and he apologized. He wanted to see me again and I told him I'd let him know. In the back of my mind I knew I had a blind date coming up so I didn't want to commit to anything.
A few more emails came in. Sadly they were mostly soliciting sex or the standard "Hi!" If men can't make more of an effort, neither will I. Time to prepare for my blind date.
Dateless in Ottawa
5. Mr. Stucco
He was 54, divorced and the profile stated his kids were all over 18. He wasn't tall with salt and pepper hair and a stockier build. The profile picture was great with a nice smile. By reading the profile you could tell he wasn't a writer. It was short and to the point. Family was a big priority in his life. His introductory email was polite and complimentary. The least I could do was respond as he sounded sincere and I found him attractive.
We exchanged a few emails, but at times he didn't respond for days. I wasn't sure how serious he was and figured he was probably emailing with a bunch of women at the same time. Responses were very short or one word answers which annoy me. After several of these short emails I suggested texting or talking on the phone, but told him that meeting for coffee should happen sooner rather than later. I wasn't interested in endless emails or texting. He seemed surprised and said that would be a good idea, maybe we could arrange something soon.
After a couple of weeks of emailing and texting he finally called me out of the blue. I was out with a girl friend so I asked him if I could call him later and he agreed. We had a good conversation. He was funny and entertaining. Our backgrounds and family were very similar so there was lots to talk about. He asked if I'd be willing to meet him for a drink and I agreed. He was very accommodating and insisted on a place close to my house in case I needed to get back to the kids. Friday night we would meet and go from there.
He arrived before I did and waited in the parking lot. I recognized him immediately, but I was very disappointed. He had long hair and was bigger than in his picture which obviously wasn't recent. He was extremely polite and had all the elements of chivalry down pat. We had a really nice time and our waiter was hilarious. The conversation flowed really well. We grew up in the same neighbourhood and knew a lot of the same people. Turns out I knew some of his immediate relatives too. What a small world!
For me when someone doesn't look like their picture, I immediately have doubts and wonder what else they are being dishonest about. Usually you only have one chance to make a good first impression, but for some reason he managed to keep my attention. He came across very honest and sincere. Part way through the night I did call him on his picture and he apologized. He wanted to see me again and I told him I'd let him know. In the back of my mind I knew I had a blind date coming up so I didn't want to commit to anything.
A few more emails came in. Sadly they were mostly soliciting sex or the standard "Hi!" If men can't make more of an effort, neither will I. Time to prepare for my blind date.
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 14 August 2016
Wait! A blind date courtesy of close friends.
Just as I was sitting on the fence debating my decision to go back to online dating, my girl friend texts one afternoon and asks if I can talk. This was alarming as she rarely calls, we mostly communicate by text or email. It was also 4:30 in the afternoon so I thought she'd been in an accident on her way home or something happened at work. I called her right away.
Her: "Are you sitting down?"
Me: "What's going on, are you ok? You have me worried. Yes I am sitting, I'm on my way to the daycare."
Her: "Oh yeah, sorry everything is fine. You're not going to believe what my husband did. Are you free next Thursday night?"
Me: "What did he do, are you ok?"
Her: "Yeah, yeah, everything is fine. Get this, he's playing matchmaker and wants to set you up on a blind date. He never does this, he just called me and told me to get a hold of you to see if you'd be interested. Would you be willing to go? No pressure, it's ok if you don't want to. It would be like a double date. He has a gig in Aylmer and a buddy of his would meet us there. It's a guy he works with and he's pretty sure you guys would hit it off. I don't know him well, but you know my hubby and how protective he is of you and the kids. He sounds really nice and totally your type. He has kids too."
Me: "Sounds like fun, I'm game. I don't have any plans and the kids don't have any activities so Thursday is perfect."
Her: "Cool, we can pick you up on the way. We'll talk before and figure it out."
I was excited. My girl friend and her husband knew me really well. They were there for me when my husband committed suicide and helped out with the kids. Whether it was brining over meals, lending me a shoulder to cry on or helping out with the kids, they were like family. Her husband was extremely protective and would never try to set me up with someone who wouldn't be respectful of me or accepting of the children. I was very touched he was doing this. If nothing else, I would get out and have fun. Watching my friend and his buddies perform was always guaranteed to be a great time.
This would be a welcomed change to online dating. Stay tuned for details on how my blind date went!
Dateless in Ottawa
Her: "Are you sitting down?"
Me: "What's going on, are you ok? You have me worried. Yes I am sitting, I'm on my way to the daycare."
Her: "Oh yeah, sorry everything is fine. You're not going to believe what my husband did. Are you free next Thursday night?"
Me: "What did he do, are you ok?"
Her: "Yeah, yeah, everything is fine. Get this, he's playing matchmaker and wants to set you up on a blind date. He never does this, he just called me and told me to get a hold of you to see if you'd be interested. Would you be willing to go? No pressure, it's ok if you don't want to. It would be like a double date. He has a gig in Aylmer and a buddy of his would meet us there. It's a guy he works with and he's pretty sure you guys would hit it off. I don't know him well, but you know my hubby and how protective he is of you and the kids. He sounds really nice and totally your type. He has kids too."
Me: "Sounds like fun, I'm game. I don't have any plans and the kids don't have any activities so Thursday is perfect."
Her: "Cool, we can pick you up on the way. We'll talk before and figure it out."
I was excited. My girl friend and her husband knew me really well. They were there for me when my husband committed suicide and helped out with the kids. Whether it was brining over meals, lending me a shoulder to cry on or helping out with the kids, they were like family. Her husband was extremely protective and would never try to set me up with someone who wouldn't be respectful of me or accepting of the children. I was very touched he was doing this. If nothing else, I would get out and have fun. Watching my friend and his buddies perform was always guaranteed to be a great time.
This would be a welcomed change to online dating. Stay tuned for details on how my blind date went!
Dateless in Ottawa
More emails and more adventures!
I had received several more notifications of emails in POF so I logged in to see what interesting adventures awaited me.
3. Mr. Musician
The profile stated he was 53, widowed and had a young son. He was fairly tall, stocky with white long hair. Not my style, but I was keeping an open mind. According to his profile he was semi-retired and had sufficient income from various sources providing him with the luxury of not having to work if he didn't want to. This set off the first red flag. As I've said before, confidence is sexy, arrogance is a major turn off.
His profile was longer than most. He really liked talking about himself. I'll give him credit, it was extremely well written. The introductory email was also quite long. I decided not to respond right away, I had to think about it. It sound a bit padded and exaggerated, or perhaps I was already feeling jaded.
He must have noticed I was online because he wrote again and insisted I would be missing out on an awesome guy if I didn't meet him. More arrogance! I still waited another day before responding. He bragged about luxury vehicles, travelling the world during his rock band days and enjoying the finer things in life. He claimed to be very affectionate and had a higher than normal sex drive. Just what I needed to hear! So much for leaving some mystery and intrigue.
I finally responded and we quickly moved to the phone as I much prefer talking over endless emails.
This is when the truth came out. During our conversations I threw in a few questions. After a couple of conversations I quickly learned that all the information in the profile was a lie. Also, based on our conversations, I felt like he was much older than 53, but he insisted he wasn't.
Widowed = his wife had left him 2 years earlier then died unexpectedly of cancer which left him with his 10 year old son. He was living with someone else while on the verge of getting divorced. Not sure how he deemed himself to be widowed, nice try though. We had an interesting discussion over the definition of widowed. I take great offence when people use this classification to get sympathy and attention. By the way, he was 3 times divorced. Not a very good track record.
1 young son = plus he had 3 more children from other previous relationships. The oldest was 39! How could he possibly be 53? More inconsistencies.
Had enough income from various sources = he had not worked in years. Claimed to have enough in survivor benefits to live comfortably, yet went on and on about having just moved into a crappy one bedroom in a bad neighbourhood and not having a vehicle. I receive survivor benefits and can attest to the fact that they are everything but generous. Me and my kids would starve to death on the amount I receive.
What happened to his MGB convertible that he stored in the 1000 Islands, his SUV and his every day car? All of sudden he was selling the MGB because he needed money, but it needed $5K in work yet he needed to keep his fun car for the summer. He was also in the textile import business. Claiming to work with Marshalls and Winners waiting for a big deal to go through in the US. Travels to India and Indonesia were common because this is where he purchased the exotic fabrics, but when I asked him when was the last time he had visited these countries, it was almost 10 years ago. Yup, very active import business - NOT! Perfect example of a freeloader. His most recent girlfriend had dumped him. Apparently she lived downtown and owned a beautiful large home. She worked full-time and sounds like she wasn't thrilled to have to assume the role of Mom out of the blue either.
He had a higher than normal sex drive = he had to use Viagra on a regular basis. This further supported my suspicions that he was older than he claimed to be. Why a man feels the need to tell a woman he hasn't even met he needs to use Viagra, is beyond me.
Then he said he was going to go back to school in the US to become a lawyer. When he came back to Canada all he would need was 8 billable hours a week to live like a king. He was going to go to Harvard with a full scholarship. What? My goodness, not sure what reality he's living in.
He was so full of shit I could smell him through the phone. It was very sad that someone that age had to lie to that extent to make himself bigger and more important that he was. I felt really sorry for his 10 year old son. How sad. Not long after he updated his profile. In the openning line he admitted he was actually 64, but lowered his age on the profile so that he'd have access to a greater pool of younger women. Unbelievable!
I stopped all communication. Not the kind of person I need in my life. Thankfully he didn't have my number so couldn't call me.
NEXT!!!!
4. The Muscle Head
He was younger, separated and had 2 young boys. He was average height with a shaved head and covered in tattoos. According to the profile he lived close to me and was a mechanic.
The profile was extremely short. He was looking for someone affectionate and loving. To me this spells looking for sex. From my experience, separated usually means very married looking to screw around.
His introductory email was polite, so I wrote back. It was a simple, "Thanks for your email and for the compliment." He later responded that he didn't want to communicate on POF, he'd rather talk on Facebook. I declined, I'm not interested in sharing personal and family details with a complete stranger.
He wrote again and insisted that I add him as a friend on Facebook. I deleted his message and ignored other emails. He eventually stopped writing.
Then there were the usually emails soliciting sex or simply being rude. Delete, delete and delete!
Oh well, there's always tomorrow. Wish me luck, I think I'm going to need it badly. Lol
Dateless in Ottawa
3. Mr. Musician
The profile stated he was 53, widowed and had a young son. He was fairly tall, stocky with white long hair. Not my style, but I was keeping an open mind. According to his profile he was semi-retired and had sufficient income from various sources providing him with the luxury of not having to work if he didn't want to. This set off the first red flag. As I've said before, confidence is sexy, arrogance is a major turn off.
His profile was longer than most. He really liked talking about himself. I'll give him credit, it was extremely well written. The introductory email was also quite long. I decided not to respond right away, I had to think about it. It sound a bit padded and exaggerated, or perhaps I was already feeling jaded.
He must have noticed I was online because he wrote again and insisted I would be missing out on an awesome guy if I didn't meet him. More arrogance! I still waited another day before responding. He bragged about luxury vehicles, travelling the world during his rock band days and enjoying the finer things in life. He claimed to be very affectionate and had a higher than normal sex drive. Just what I needed to hear! So much for leaving some mystery and intrigue.
I finally responded and we quickly moved to the phone as I much prefer talking over endless emails.
This is when the truth came out. During our conversations I threw in a few questions. After a couple of conversations I quickly learned that all the information in the profile was a lie. Also, based on our conversations, I felt like he was much older than 53, but he insisted he wasn't.
Widowed = his wife had left him 2 years earlier then died unexpectedly of cancer which left him with his 10 year old son. He was living with someone else while on the verge of getting divorced. Not sure how he deemed himself to be widowed, nice try though. We had an interesting discussion over the definition of widowed. I take great offence when people use this classification to get sympathy and attention. By the way, he was 3 times divorced. Not a very good track record.
1 young son = plus he had 3 more children from other previous relationships. The oldest was 39! How could he possibly be 53? More inconsistencies.
Had enough income from various sources = he had not worked in years. Claimed to have enough in survivor benefits to live comfortably, yet went on and on about having just moved into a crappy one bedroom in a bad neighbourhood and not having a vehicle. I receive survivor benefits and can attest to the fact that they are everything but generous. Me and my kids would starve to death on the amount I receive.
What happened to his MGB convertible that he stored in the 1000 Islands, his SUV and his every day car? All of sudden he was selling the MGB because he needed money, but it needed $5K in work yet he needed to keep his fun car for the summer. He was also in the textile import business. Claiming to work with Marshalls and Winners waiting for a big deal to go through in the US. Travels to India and Indonesia were common because this is where he purchased the exotic fabrics, but when I asked him when was the last time he had visited these countries, it was almost 10 years ago. Yup, very active import business - NOT! Perfect example of a freeloader. His most recent girlfriend had dumped him. Apparently she lived downtown and owned a beautiful large home. She worked full-time and sounds like she wasn't thrilled to have to assume the role of Mom out of the blue either.
He had a higher than normal sex drive = he had to use Viagra on a regular basis. This further supported my suspicions that he was older than he claimed to be. Why a man feels the need to tell a woman he hasn't even met he needs to use Viagra, is beyond me.
Then he said he was going to go back to school in the US to become a lawyer. When he came back to Canada all he would need was 8 billable hours a week to live like a king. He was going to go to Harvard with a full scholarship. What? My goodness, not sure what reality he's living in.
He was so full of shit I could smell him through the phone. It was very sad that someone that age had to lie to that extent to make himself bigger and more important that he was. I felt really sorry for his 10 year old son. How sad. Not long after he updated his profile. In the openning line he admitted he was actually 64, but lowered his age on the profile so that he'd have access to a greater pool of younger women. Unbelievable!
I stopped all communication. Not the kind of person I need in my life. Thankfully he didn't have my number so couldn't call me.
NEXT!!!!
4. The Muscle Head
He was younger, separated and had 2 young boys. He was average height with a shaved head and covered in tattoos. According to the profile he lived close to me and was a mechanic.
The profile was extremely short. He was looking for someone affectionate and loving. To me this spells looking for sex. From my experience, separated usually means very married looking to screw around.
His introductory email was polite, so I wrote back. It was a simple, "Thanks for your email and for the compliment." He later responded that he didn't want to communicate on POF, he'd rather talk on Facebook. I declined, I'm not interested in sharing personal and family details with a complete stranger.
He wrote again and insisted that I add him as a friend on Facebook. I deleted his message and ignored other emails. He eventually stopped writing.
Then there were the usually emails soliciting sex or simply being rude. Delete, delete and delete!
Oh well, there's always tomorrow. Wish me luck, I think I'm going to need it badly. Lol
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday 10 August 2016
Round 33 - And the fun begins!
Minutes after posting my profile, the emails started coming in. This time I was going to limit how much time I spent on POF. It's too easy to become addicted. In the preferences I set it up so that I'd get a notification when an email arrived in my inbox. No more logging in constantly to check. I would try to log into my account only once a week. Before long, there were 4 emails so I figured it was time to log in and read them.
I'll start my numbering at 1 again, this way it doesn't look nearly as bad!
1. Mr. Produce
We were the same age. He was divorced, average height, with dark hair and a 6 year old daughter. This guy had written a few times during my many rounds of online dating, but I didn't write about him in my other posts. He's one of the ones I had forgotten about. In the past we had communicated and he sounded ok initially, until he started going on about having a financial investment company and how he helps others make money on their investments. Sadly I think he needed to take his own advice or seek the advice of a real financial advisor so he could make some money as he was still working at a grocery store as a produce clerk. Not to sound shallow, but when someone uses the phrase "I live a very simple life" 5 times in their profile, to me this = major financial issues. Funny when guys don't even remember they've already written to you in the past. I haven't changed much over the years and my name is not common. I should have been recognizable in my pictures. He was persistent and felt we'd be a good match. I responded that we had communicated previously and we were not a suitable match. I wished him luck with his search.
2. Mr. Entrepreneur
Another repeat customer! He was slightly older, tall, with dark hair, single and no kids. His profile went on and on about all the businesses he owned and his successes. This guy had also written previously using various different user names. One of the fast and furious writers that suddenly vanishes as quickly as he appears. It was one message of flattery after another. He was using the exact same profile picture for years. Interesting how some of these guys never seem to age! I was amused and figured I'd play along. Sure enough, within a few days he disappeared. The profile had been deleted, but wait he put another one up using the same picture and a new username just days later! Once again he started writing as if we had never communicated before. What an idiot! Are you kidding me? I asked him if he was suffering from an identity crisis and amnesia. He was confused. He had no clue what I was referring to. I had to send him his previous user name and copies of the emails he had sent along with his profile pic. DELETE, BLOCK .... next!
I had to stop and ask myself "What the hell are you doing on here again?" Things have obviously not changed, nor will they. Sadly as I scrolled through profiles in the hopes of finding some new prospects, I came across the profiles of guys I knew well who were in relationships. Why do guys cheat? And on POF of all places where your face is posted for all to see? Sooner or later you're going to get caught, what's the point? This always leaves me feeling sick to my stomach and torn. Do I call my girlfriends and tell them? Should I print and send them the profile? If, no when I run into these guys in person, they will definitely get an earful. This is not acceptable, at least not to me. I would certainly want to know if my man was cheating on me.
Enough, I didn't want to read any more emails. While I was logged on, several more emails came in. This was not starting off very well, at least not the way I had hoped.
I'll give it a few days and build up the courage to read the other emails. Bye for now!
Dateless in Ottawa
I'll start my numbering at 1 again, this way it doesn't look nearly as bad!
1. Mr. Produce
We were the same age. He was divorced, average height, with dark hair and a 6 year old daughter. This guy had written a few times during my many rounds of online dating, but I didn't write about him in my other posts. He's one of the ones I had forgotten about. In the past we had communicated and he sounded ok initially, until he started going on about having a financial investment company and how he helps others make money on their investments. Sadly I think he needed to take his own advice or seek the advice of a real financial advisor so he could make some money as he was still working at a grocery store as a produce clerk. Not to sound shallow, but when someone uses the phrase "I live a very simple life" 5 times in their profile, to me this = major financial issues. Funny when guys don't even remember they've already written to you in the past. I haven't changed much over the years and my name is not common. I should have been recognizable in my pictures. He was persistent and felt we'd be a good match. I responded that we had communicated previously and we were not a suitable match. I wished him luck with his search.
2. Mr. Entrepreneur
Another repeat customer! He was slightly older, tall, with dark hair, single and no kids. His profile went on and on about all the businesses he owned and his successes. This guy had also written previously using various different user names. One of the fast and furious writers that suddenly vanishes as quickly as he appears. It was one message of flattery after another. He was using the exact same profile picture for years. Interesting how some of these guys never seem to age! I was amused and figured I'd play along. Sure enough, within a few days he disappeared. The profile had been deleted, but wait he put another one up using the same picture and a new username just days later! Once again he started writing as if we had never communicated before. What an idiot! Are you kidding me? I asked him if he was suffering from an identity crisis and amnesia. He was confused. He had no clue what I was referring to. I had to send him his previous user name and copies of the emails he had sent along with his profile pic. DELETE, BLOCK .... next!
I had to stop and ask myself "What the hell are you doing on here again?" Things have obviously not changed, nor will they. Sadly as I scrolled through profiles in the hopes of finding some new prospects, I came across the profiles of guys I knew well who were in relationships. Why do guys cheat? And on POF of all places where your face is posted for all to see? Sooner or later you're going to get caught, what's the point? This always leaves me feeling sick to my stomach and torn. Do I call my girlfriends and tell them? Should I print and send them the profile? If, no when I run into these guys in person, they will definitely get an earful. This is not acceptable, at least not to me. I would certainly want to know if my man was cheating on me.
Enough, I didn't want to read any more emails. While I was logged on, several more emails came in. This was not starting off very well, at least not the way I had hoped.
I'll give it a few days and build up the courage to read the other emails. Bye for now!
Dateless in Ottawa
Tuesday 26 July 2016
Back to online dating
Well, patience is not one of my virtues so back to online dating I went! The matchmaking service will be great if a compatible match can be found and this can take a long time so I needed to help things along. Summer is here and it's the best time to get out and meet new people. I can't speak for others, but personally I hibernate in the Winter so if I don't get out now, it will be at least another 6 months before I'm out and about again.
I sat down and drafted a profile. This time the focus would be on me and what I had to bring to the table. The questionnaire from the matchmaking service was what I used to help me write my profile. No more long laundry lists of qualities or characteristics I was looking for in a potential mate. No negative comments about past experiences or undesirable traits. What was more important was ME! Once again, honesty was the key. Without it, there's no point. I don't want to waste my time or anyone else's, sadly I have no control over others and their intentions.
The profile was simple, but gave the reader a snap shop into who I am, what I like and things that are important to me. My pictures were very recent from my Winter trips to the Philippines and the DR so no one will be able to accuse me of misrepresenting myself, not that they ever have. I'll never understand why people post pictures that are over a year old. In this new world that revolves around wireless devices and selfies, there's no excuse. Humour is equally important so I injected a bit of that too. The profile isn't too long or too short, just long enough to keep the reader interested while leaving some room for mystery. After all, at the end of the day I can't give it all away, there has to be something left to talk about when we meet!
I sat on it for a couple of weeks debating whether I truly wanted to subject myself to more trauma. The last round was brutal, but after an extended break I felt like my ego was healed enough and I wouldn't be too jaded or judgemental. At least I'd try to stay positive and keep an open mind.
Not sure why, but this time around I didn't tell my girl friends I was going back on POF. They probably would've discouraged me given everything that had happened previously. If I was in their shoes, I'd do the same. I had to do this myself and it felt like the right thing to do. As much as delving into the depths of online dating was terrifying to me, being alone was far worse. Over the last several months I felt lonelier than ever. The third year anniversary of my husband's suicide came and went and it hit me harder than I could've ever imagined. The children felt it too, it's not something that is easily forgotten. Sadly, it probably never will be. I was a mess and still very angry that he had left me in this situation. By the same token, I couldn't sit idly and wait for someone to fall into my lap. I had to make an effort and put myself out there.
I posted my profile, but hid it. Over the period of about a week I would occasionally browse through men's profiles to see who was out there. Sadly, many of them were the same. Years had passed and the profiles were identical along with the same very outdated pictures. What was I getting myself into? Sigh....
Oh well, with so few options for meeting men I had to move forward so I unhid my profile. I let some of my guy friends know I was back on POF and a few others found me right away. They said my profile was great. That left me feeling positive so now I just had to wait and see who would bite!
Until next time.......
Dateless in Ottawa
I sat down and drafted a profile. This time the focus would be on me and what I had to bring to the table. The questionnaire from the matchmaking service was what I used to help me write my profile. No more long laundry lists of qualities or characteristics I was looking for in a potential mate. No negative comments about past experiences or undesirable traits. What was more important was ME! Once again, honesty was the key. Without it, there's no point. I don't want to waste my time or anyone else's, sadly I have no control over others and their intentions.
The profile was simple, but gave the reader a snap shop into who I am, what I like and things that are important to me. My pictures were very recent from my Winter trips to the Philippines and the DR so no one will be able to accuse me of misrepresenting myself, not that they ever have. I'll never understand why people post pictures that are over a year old. In this new world that revolves around wireless devices and selfies, there's no excuse. Humour is equally important so I injected a bit of that too. The profile isn't too long or too short, just long enough to keep the reader interested while leaving some room for mystery. After all, at the end of the day I can't give it all away, there has to be something left to talk about when we meet!
I sat on it for a couple of weeks debating whether I truly wanted to subject myself to more trauma. The last round was brutal, but after an extended break I felt like my ego was healed enough and I wouldn't be too jaded or judgemental. At least I'd try to stay positive and keep an open mind.
Not sure why, but this time around I didn't tell my girl friends I was going back on POF. They probably would've discouraged me given everything that had happened previously. If I was in their shoes, I'd do the same. I had to do this myself and it felt like the right thing to do. As much as delving into the depths of online dating was terrifying to me, being alone was far worse. Over the last several months I felt lonelier than ever. The third year anniversary of my husband's suicide came and went and it hit me harder than I could've ever imagined. The children felt it too, it's not something that is easily forgotten. Sadly, it probably never will be. I was a mess and still very angry that he had left me in this situation. By the same token, I couldn't sit idly and wait for someone to fall into my lap. I had to make an effort and put myself out there.
I posted my profile, but hid it. Over the period of about a week I would occasionally browse through men's profiles to see who was out there. Sadly, many of them were the same. Years had passed and the profiles were identical along with the same very outdated pictures. What was I getting myself into? Sigh....
Oh well, with so few options for meeting men I had to move forward so I unhid my profile. I let some of my guy friends know I was back on POF and a few others found me right away. They said my profile was great. That left me feeling positive so now I just had to wait and see who would bite!
Until next time.......
Dateless in Ottawa
Monday 11 July 2016
Busy with work and life, but I promise to start posting again soon!
Hello All!
Sorry to leave you hanging. I miss posting, but lately work has been insane and there don't seem to be enough hours in a day to get everything I'd like to do done.
Going on holidays soon and hope to have more time so I can start posting again.
To leave you with some mystery and intrigue, I'll tell you that I dove back into online dating. I know, I know, you probably think I'm insane. What can I say? I'm a sucker for punishment, but this time around I'll be smarter and more picky.
Good luck to all of you still out there trying to find your soul mate. Get out there and have fun. Enjoy the Summer and don't give up hope!
Stay tuned for more soon,
Dateless in Ottawa
Sorry to leave you hanging. I miss posting, but lately work has been insane and there don't seem to be enough hours in a day to get everything I'd like to do done.
Going on holidays soon and hope to have more time so I can start posting again.
To leave you with some mystery and intrigue, I'll tell you that I dove back into online dating. I know, I know, you probably think I'm insane. What can I say? I'm a sucker for punishment, but this time around I'll be smarter and more picky.
Good luck to all of you still out there trying to find your soul mate. Get out there and have fun. Enjoy the Summer and don't give up hope!
Stay tuned for more soon,
Dateless in Ottawa
Monday 20 June 2016
Matchmaking Services
Ok, so the dating service didn't pan out. The same person that was putting on the singles events at the grocery store started a matchmaking service. Given how much I enjoyed reading her articles and blog, attending the singles grocery nights and the fact that she was friends with one of my close friends, I thought why not? Her questionnaire was very detailed. Along with the usual personal questions, it also asked about my preferences. What really stood out to me was that it made me look at myself. With questions like:
What makes you stand out from the crowd?
What makes you interesting?
Would you describe yourself as charismatic, assertive or ambitious?
What are your long term life goals?
What does your ideal relationship look like?
What are 5 solid reasons someone would want to date you?
I could list them all, but I think you get the idea. Instead of focusing solely on what you're looking for, you examine yourself and what you have to offer a potential mate. It really made me think. I'll tell you, it was a lot harder than I thought to answer these questions. After thinking long and hard, I jotted down some answers then checked in with friends for their opinions. Very eye opening indeed. I learned a lot about myself. All in all, I felt her questionnaire was very thorough and left me feeling confident that all this information would make it relatively easy for even a stranger who's never met me to find me a match. This process takes much longer, but I won't have to do much other than patiently wait to see who I'm matched with and go from there.
Note: Once again, as with online dating, you get out of it what you put into it so the key is to be honest.
In the meantime, I participated in another singles grocery night. It was extremely well attended, but again more women than men showed up. It was fun. A few of my friends also participated and I gave them lots to laugh about. You're encouraged to introduce yourself to others who are also participating, but somehow I managed to keep talking to men that weren't there for the event and one was married! I accidentally bumped into him with my cart and started to apologize profusely. He was extremely pleasant and a great sport. We were in the middle of a conversation when my girl friend comes over and whispers into my ear, "Did you have to pick a married one? Hello, wedding ring!" Hey, I was being nice to someone I had bumped into. Darn, too bad because he was cute and totally the type of guy I'm attracted to. My girl friend couldn't stop laughing. At least I can say I talked to a guy, which is more than I can say for her! A while later I did it again. Very strange, kind of like mostly married guys approach me when online dating. Good grief, I guess I'm attracted to married men too!
For me these events afford me the opportunity to get out and change my routine. I go into them with very low expectations. My focus is on doing my groceries and having fun. Meeting someone would be the icing on the cake, but either way it's a night out. Afterwards a group of us usually goes out for a bite and drinks to compare notes. Great conversation and lots of laughs are guaranteed. This time I even won a gift basket! It was a completely unexpected surprise. I look forward to participating in more of these events. There's no pressure and it's up to you to make the effort.
I strongly encourage all singles to look into these events and participate. Get out and meet people, try different things and put in the effort. Don't expect a significant other to simply fall into your lap.
Good luck, time for bed!
Dateless in Ottawa
What makes you stand out from the crowd?
What makes you interesting?
Would you describe yourself as charismatic, assertive or ambitious?
What are your long term life goals?
What does your ideal relationship look like?
What are 5 solid reasons someone would want to date you?
I could list them all, but I think you get the idea. Instead of focusing solely on what you're looking for, you examine yourself and what you have to offer a potential mate. It really made me think. I'll tell you, it was a lot harder than I thought to answer these questions. After thinking long and hard, I jotted down some answers then checked in with friends for their opinions. Very eye opening indeed. I learned a lot about myself. All in all, I felt her questionnaire was very thorough and left me feeling confident that all this information would make it relatively easy for even a stranger who's never met me to find me a match. This process takes much longer, but I won't have to do much other than patiently wait to see who I'm matched with and go from there.
Note: Once again, as with online dating, you get out of it what you put into it so the key is to be honest.
In the meantime, I participated in another singles grocery night. It was extremely well attended, but again more women than men showed up. It was fun. A few of my friends also participated and I gave them lots to laugh about. You're encouraged to introduce yourself to others who are also participating, but somehow I managed to keep talking to men that weren't there for the event and one was married! I accidentally bumped into him with my cart and started to apologize profusely. He was extremely pleasant and a great sport. We were in the middle of a conversation when my girl friend comes over and whispers into my ear, "Did you have to pick a married one? Hello, wedding ring!" Hey, I was being nice to someone I had bumped into. Darn, too bad because he was cute and totally the type of guy I'm attracted to. My girl friend couldn't stop laughing. At least I can say I talked to a guy, which is more than I can say for her! A while later I did it again. Very strange, kind of like mostly married guys approach me when online dating. Good grief, I guess I'm attracted to married men too!
For me these events afford me the opportunity to get out and change my routine. I go into them with very low expectations. My focus is on doing my groceries and having fun. Meeting someone would be the icing on the cake, but either way it's a night out. Afterwards a group of us usually goes out for a bite and drinks to compare notes. Great conversation and lots of laughs are guaranteed. This time I even won a gift basket! It was a completely unexpected surprise. I look forward to participating in more of these events. There's no pressure and it's up to you to make the effort.
I strongly encourage all singles to look into these events and participate. Get out and meet people, try different things and put in the effort. Don't expect a significant other to simply fall into your lap.
Good luck, time for bed!
Dateless in Ottawa
Saturday 4 June 2016
The Dating Service
I did a Google search and few companies came up. One in particular seemed to have several links and I had seen an advertisement in a magazine or newspaper. They don't seem to be in business any longer so I won't bother mentioning their name. I sent them an email and they responded stating they would contact me within the next few business days.
A day later a customer service representative called and briefly explained the services they offered. I was asked to set aside one hour to speak to one of their representatives who would complete a detailed questionnaire and answer any questions I might have. The teleconference was scheduled and a gentleman called on the day and time I agreed upon.
That night I had sent the kids over to a friend's place since I needed to set aside one hour to complete the questionnaire and then ask my questions. I didn't want any interruptions or distractions. To my surprise, less than 15 minutes into the conversation, the guy says we're done. I told him there must be a mistake because I was expecting a far more lengthy interview. He had only asked a few basic questions like age, height, hair/eye colour, marital status, occupation, number of children and religion. He insisted he had more than enough information to match me with someone in their extensive database. I was then asked to provide a credit card number and agree to the conditions of membership. The cost was $1,500.00. This would guarantee me a minimum of 3 matches, but I had to make contact with individuals by email, followed by telephone and meet them in person at least once.
This sounded a bit too fishy for me. After asking me only a few basic questions, what had this guy learned? I decided to put him to the test!
Me: "I'm not convinced you have enough information to appropriately match me with someone."
Him: "Don't worry Miss. ------ I have everything I need. Simple agree to the terms and provide your credit card information so I can get to work on your file and send you your first match."
Me: "No, I think you need to tell me what you've learned from the information I've provided and what kind of person you would match me with."
Him: "Madame, we're experts with extensive experience in this field. I can assure you we have someone for everyone. You have to trust us, the experts."
Me: "You're not answering my question. I highly doubt you have any idea of what kind of person I'm looking for. You asked very basic questions. Nothing about my preferences."
Him: "Madame, you have to be open minded and flexible. At times one becomes too picky and unreasonable with their expectations. Leave it to the experts, we can develop your profile and match you with someone who will be compatible with you. I will also need you to send me 2 recent pictures of yourself to complete the profile."
Me: "You keep talking in circles. Demonstrate to me that the information you have will allow you to find me what I'm looking for."
Him: "I'm not sure what you want me to say."
Me: "You asked me nothing about my personal preferences. I agree that perhaps at times our list of wants can be unreasonable, but as human beings we do have preferences based on our experiences. You asked me nothing about any characteristics or traits that are not acceptable to me."
Him: "Again Madame, you have to trust the experts."
Me: "As a new potential client, you haven't given me any proof that you can find what I'm looking for. I'll give you some examples:
I prefer men that are tall because I'm taller than average.
Blonds do nothing for me.
Religion is important. My mate has to have similar beliefs, values and morals.
As it relates to cultural backgrounds, again I have preferences.
The individual has to be willing to embrace my children and have strong family values."
Him: "Madame, you're being too picky. We have an extensive database of single men that would be a good match for you."
Me: "You didn't even ask me what my acceptable age range or distance is."
Him: "Once again, these obstacles can be managed. We encourage members to be flexible."
Me: "Ok, if you have such an extensive database please tell me how many men in the 35-45 age range you have in the Ottawa area."
Him: "Madame we can't provide that information."
Me: "Why not? I'm having serious doubts you have enough information to develop a profile. It would be in your best interest to demonstrate to me that you at the very least have a reasonable number of single men in my acceptable age range available for you to match me with. I'm not asking for names or contact information, nor am I being specific as to race, religion or height preferences, just give me an overall number of available single men in Ottawa that meet this age range. If you have that much confidence in your services, you should have these statistics readily available."
Him: "If we have a sufficient inventory, would that encourage you to sign up and try our services?"
Me: "It could."
Him: "Alright Ms.----- let me do a preliminary search."
- I waited for a few minutes while he ran this search.
Him: "There must be a mistake, let me run this again."
Me: "What number did the system generate?"
Him: "One moment, I'm seeing 3, but there has to be more."
Me: "3?"
Him: "I'm going to make a phone call."
Me: "No, that's alright. I'm not interested. This clearly demonstrates to me you would not be able to meet my expectations let alone fulfill your promise to provide a minimum of 3 matches or my money back."
Him: "Yes, we could as we have sufficient inventory."
Me: "According to you, but both parties must agree to share their profile before you can deem it to be a match so with only 3 available candidates, what are the odds all 3 will agree to share their profile with me and that I would also accept? Even if they all agreed, there's no guarantee we'll hit it off and then my available pool of candidates is depleted and I end up with nothing. No, thanks I'll pass."
Him: "We have new members joining daily, rest assured there will be many more available in the near future."
Me: "I'm sorry, as a single parent this is a huge financial investment and I'm very skeptical. The figures you provided leave me with very little in terms of expectations of success. Thank you for your time, but I will not be subscribing to your services."
They called me almost daily asking if I would reconsider and provide my credit card number. It was ridiculous, they left message after message. Several times I asked them to stop calling. I finally had to threated to report them and consider harassment charges if they didn't stop calling.
My goodness, almost as bad as online dating! There have to be other options. Time for more research. In the meantime, I encourage my readers to feel free to post comments with any ideas or suggestions on how to meet other singles. In my case, it's a package deal - 5 for the price of 1! It's an awesome deal if you ask me. Seriously, where in the world can you get this kind of a deal? Lol
Good luck to all! I'll keep searching, eventually I'm confident I'll find an answer.
Dateless in Ottawa
A day later a customer service representative called and briefly explained the services they offered. I was asked to set aside one hour to speak to one of their representatives who would complete a detailed questionnaire and answer any questions I might have. The teleconference was scheduled and a gentleman called on the day and time I agreed upon.
That night I had sent the kids over to a friend's place since I needed to set aside one hour to complete the questionnaire and then ask my questions. I didn't want any interruptions or distractions. To my surprise, less than 15 minutes into the conversation, the guy says we're done. I told him there must be a mistake because I was expecting a far more lengthy interview. He had only asked a few basic questions like age, height, hair/eye colour, marital status, occupation, number of children and religion. He insisted he had more than enough information to match me with someone in their extensive database. I was then asked to provide a credit card number and agree to the conditions of membership. The cost was $1,500.00. This would guarantee me a minimum of 3 matches, but I had to make contact with individuals by email, followed by telephone and meet them in person at least once.
This sounded a bit too fishy for me. After asking me only a few basic questions, what had this guy learned? I decided to put him to the test!
Me: "I'm not convinced you have enough information to appropriately match me with someone."
Him: "Don't worry Miss. ------ I have everything I need. Simple agree to the terms and provide your credit card information so I can get to work on your file and send you your first match."
Me: "No, I think you need to tell me what you've learned from the information I've provided and what kind of person you would match me with."
Him: "Madame, we're experts with extensive experience in this field. I can assure you we have someone for everyone. You have to trust us, the experts."
Me: "You're not answering my question. I highly doubt you have any idea of what kind of person I'm looking for. You asked very basic questions. Nothing about my preferences."
Him: "Madame, you have to be open minded and flexible. At times one becomes too picky and unreasonable with their expectations. Leave it to the experts, we can develop your profile and match you with someone who will be compatible with you. I will also need you to send me 2 recent pictures of yourself to complete the profile."
Me: "You keep talking in circles. Demonstrate to me that the information you have will allow you to find me what I'm looking for."
Him: "I'm not sure what you want me to say."
Me: "You asked me nothing about my personal preferences. I agree that perhaps at times our list of wants can be unreasonable, but as human beings we do have preferences based on our experiences. You asked me nothing about any characteristics or traits that are not acceptable to me."
Him: "Again Madame, you have to trust the experts."
Me: "As a new potential client, you haven't given me any proof that you can find what I'm looking for. I'll give you some examples:
I prefer men that are tall because I'm taller than average.
Blonds do nothing for me.
Religion is important. My mate has to have similar beliefs, values and morals.
As it relates to cultural backgrounds, again I have preferences.
The individual has to be willing to embrace my children and have strong family values."
Him: "Madame, you're being too picky. We have an extensive database of single men that would be a good match for you."
Me: "You didn't even ask me what my acceptable age range or distance is."
Him: "Once again, these obstacles can be managed. We encourage members to be flexible."
Me: "Ok, if you have such an extensive database please tell me how many men in the 35-45 age range you have in the Ottawa area."
Him: "Madame we can't provide that information."
Me: "Why not? I'm having serious doubts you have enough information to develop a profile. It would be in your best interest to demonstrate to me that you at the very least have a reasonable number of single men in my acceptable age range available for you to match me with. I'm not asking for names or contact information, nor am I being specific as to race, religion or height preferences, just give me an overall number of available single men in Ottawa that meet this age range. If you have that much confidence in your services, you should have these statistics readily available."
Him: "If we have a sufficient inventory, would that encourage you to sign up and try our services?"
Me: "It could."
Him: "Alright Ms.----- let me do a preliminary search."
- I waited for a few minutes while he ran this search.
Him: "There must be a mistake, let me run this again."
Me: "What number did the system generate?"
Him: "One moment, I'm seeing 3, but there has to be more."
Me: "3?"
Him: "I'm going to make a phone call."
Me: "No, that's alright. I'm not interested. This clearly demonstrates to me you would not be able to meet my expectations let alone fulfill your promise to provide a minimum of 3 matches or my money back."
Him: "Yes, we could as we have sufficient inventory."
Me: "According to you, but both parties must agree to share their profile before you can deem it to be a match so with only 3 available candidates, what are the odds all 3 will agree to share their profile with me and that I would also accept? Even if they all agreed, there's no guarantee we'll hit it off and then my available pool of candidates is depleted and I end up with nothing. No, thanks I'll pass."
Him: "We have new members joining daily, rest assured there will be many more available in the near future."
Me: "I'm sorry, as a single parent this is a huge financial investment and I'm very skeptical. The figures you provided leave me with very little in terms of expectations of success. Thank you for your time, but I will not be subscribing to your services."
They called me almost daily asking if I would reconsider and provide my credit card number. It was ridiculous, they left message after message. Several times I asked them to stop calling. I finally had to threated to report them and consider harassment charges if they didn't stop calling.
My goodness, almost as bad as online dating! There have to be other options. Time for more research. In the meantime, I encourage my readers to feel free to post comments with any ideas or suggestions on how to meet other singles. In my case, it's a package deal - 5 for the price of 1! It's an awesome deal if you ask me. Seriously, where in the world can you get this kind of a deal? Lol
Good luck to all! I'll keep searching, eventually I'm confident I'll find an answer.
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 29 May 2016
More options for meeting people
More options for meeting people.
1. Singles Events:
Just as I was sitting around moping, a girl friend called and asked me if I'd like to join her at a singles event. I was intrigued. She told me it was at a grocery store. A friend of hers was a dating coach with a blog and she organized singles events. What did I have to lose? As a mom, going to the grocery store was a routine requirement so the thought of incorporating a singles event into a regular necessity piqued my curiosity. If nothing else, I'd get to check out a new grocery store! Who hasn't heard a story about finding love in a grocery store? Never happened to me, but hey there's a first time for everything. I was excited, this would be fun.
The night of the event I met my girl friend at Whole Foods. We were kind of lost and unsure where to go or what to expect, but once we got upstairs she found her friend and off we went. It was an interesting concept and the store had graciously set up various stations with all kinds of samples. The brownies were to die for and the chocolate fondue station with beautiful fresh strawberries was a huge hit with many participants lingering there for a good long while. Personally the cheese and brownie stations were my areas of choice! Lol
I was impressed with the cleanliness of the store and the selection of products. They had many items I had never seen at the grocery stores I frequented regularly. The sales staff were extremely knowledgeable about the products, helpful and very pleasant.
Sadly there were far more women than men in attendance, but I had a great time. It was a night out, a change of scenery, I met a few new people (Ok so they were all women, but networking is a good thing!), did my grocery shopping and found some neat new items to try out. Afterwards, me and my girl friend went to Joey's for a bite and drinks so bonus. All in all it was a great experience and I would definitely do it again and recommend it to others. If ever you have the chance to participate, I say go for it. Go into it with low expectations. It's hard to predict how many people will attend or what the ratio of men to women will be, but view it as a night out and have fun. With door prizes and samples it just adds to the experience and allows you to break out of the usual routine.
2. Dating Services
I had overheard conversations at work about people signing up with dating services, so I figured I'd check it out. The prices can run quite high with these agencies, but if they have a good reputation and testimonials who knows? The initial consultation at most of these companies is free so you get an opportunity to feel them out while asking lots of questions before signing up. I was floored at what some of these companies charge. Holy cow, I might need a second job to pay to find love!
It's late so I'll fill you in on my experience with one of these services in my next post. Gotta keep you hanging! Lol
Dateless in Ottawa
1. Singles Events:
Just as I was sitting around moping, a girl friend called and asked me if I'd like to join her at a singles event. I was intrigued. She told me it was at a grocery store. A friend of hers was a dating coach with a blog and she organized singles events. What did I have to lose? As a mom, going to the grocery store was a routine requirement so the thought of incorporating a singles event into a regular necessity piqued my curiosity. If nothing else, I'd get to check out a new grocery store! Who hasn't heard a story about finding love in a grocery store? Never happened to me, but hey there's a first time for everything. I was excited, this would be fun.
The night of the event I met my girl friend at Whole Foods. We were kind of lost and unsure where to go or what to expect, but once we got upstairs she found her friend and off we went. It was an interesting concept and the store had graciously set up various stations with all kinds of samples. The brownies were to die for and the chocolate fondue station with beautiful fresh strawberries was a huge hit with many participants lingering there for a good long while. Personally the cheese and brownie stations were my areas of choice! Lol
I was impressed with the cleanliness of the store and the selection of products. They had many items I had never seen at the grocery stores I frequented regularly. The sales staff were extremely knowledgeable about the products, helpful and very pleasant.
Sadly there were far more women than men in attendance, but I had a great time. It was a night out, a change of scenery, I met a few new people (Ok so they were all women, but networking is a good thing!), did my grocery shopping and found some neat new items to try out. Afterwards, me and my girl friend went to Joey's for a bite and drinks so bonus. All in all it was a great experience and I would definitely do it again and recommend it to others. If ever you have the chance to participate, I say go for it. Go into it with low expectations. It's hard to predict how many people will attend or what the ratio of men to women will be, but view it as a night out and have fun. With door prizes and samples it just adds to the experience and allows you to break out of the usual routine.
2. Dating Services
I had overheard conversations at work about people signing up with dating services, so I figured I'd check it out. The prices can run quite high with these agencies, but if they have a good reputation and testimonials who knows? The initial consultation at most of these companies is free so you get an opportunity to feel them out while asking lots of questions before signing up. I was floored at what some of these companies charge. Holy cow, I might need a second job to pay to find love!
It's late so I'll fill you in on my experience with one of these services in my next post. Gotta keep you hanging! Lol
Dateless in Ottawa
Saturday 21 May 2016
Options for meeting people
After all that time, work and effort invested into online dating I was right back where I started; very single and lonely. Where do forty something year-old single parents go to meet other singles? How do you meet people? Are there any other options besides online dating?
So many questions, but very few answers. Most of my friends are married - happily married and no they don't have any single brothers or relatives they can introduce me to. Work is not an option. I don't believe in playing in my own backyard because if things go wrong, you're stuck seeing the person daily. How awkward would that be? Not to mention depending on what positions you hold at work, it could be viewed as a conflict of interest. I'm also a private person so I don't need to put my personal life on display at work or create distractions.
I needed help! Time to let Google do the work. So I do a search entitled "Where do forty something year-olds meet others?"
What came up?
1. Church
I go to church once in a while, but to be honest my congregation has a very high percentage of seniors and the rest is mainly composed of young families with children. Can't say I've noticed many single men, at least not in my acceptable age bracket. Perhaps if I went more often???
2. Market/Grocery store
With 4 growing kids, I practically live at the grocery store. Costco, Loblaws, IGA, Super C, Whole Foods, Luciano's, Provigo, Independent, Food Basics...you name it I've been there! Heck I should buy shares!!! Can't say I've ever met anyone while doing groceries. There was one time where a guy was following me around and totally freaked me out. He finally caught up to me at the cash and said, "I'm sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I just had to tell you that I love your hair! Have a great night." Actually now that I think back, he was really cute. Extremely tall, probably 6'5 with curly red hair plus he was in his military uniform, what more could a woman ask for? Never did see him again. I do go late at night which is when they claim singles tend to go to avoid the crowds, but even then it's not uncommon for me to have the store to myself! More often than not I run into the parents of my kids' friends and they're all taken.
3. Bars
I'll go out clubbing once in a while with girl friends to celebrate a birthday, go out for a drink to unwind after a crazy week or to vent, but it certainly isn't something we do often. Most of the time we look around and feel way too old to be there. Then you have to deal with the two extremes - drunk 20 something year olds trying to pick you up or 60 something year olds trying to pick you up. I'll pass on both thanks!
4. Work
I already mentioned how I feel about this. Not for me!
5. Online
Given my numerous attempts, I consider myself an expert who can state without any reservations that it has not worked for me. I do have several friends that have met their significant others and/or spouses on there, but that luck still eludes me. Yes, I did meet a few nice guys but sadly it wasn't meant to be.
6. Friends
Yes, a great place to start but most don't have family or friends that are single and looking. Friends certainly do know you well, sometimes better than you know yourself so they would be great at match making if they happen to come across someone who's single and available. This could remain a viable option, time will tell.
7. Restaurants
Being a foody, going out to restaurants is not an issue. I'm also the type that if I'm craving something and none of my friends want to go, I'll go by myself. There have been countless occasions when I've taken myself out for breakfast, lunch and/or dinner and I'm not talking McDonalds. Thai, Indian, Sushi, Fusion, Szechwan, you name it I like it and I'll venture into the unknown without hesitation. Have I ever had the pleasure of meeting someone? Nope, can't say I have. I'll keep trying, after all it is more enjoyable to eat in the company of another.
8. Gym/Sporting activites
Whether it be a club or gym membership or an organized team sport, I've done it all. Softball, dodge ball, yoga, aerobics....nope, haven't met any men here either. At yoga and aerobics I rarely see men. At other sports it's common for huband and wife/boyfriend and girlfriend to join together, or the guys are too young, too old or gay.
9. Vacation
I travel frequently and I've met a few guys, but sadly they were married or simply looking for a way to immigrate to Canada! Funny how it's usually the married ones that hit on you. On my recent trip to the DR, the guy that was transporting us to the airport offered to leave his wife if I agreed to stay and move in with him. No thanks, I'll pass cause chances are he'll do the exact same thing to me when he meets the next single young lady on a trip to the airport.
10. School
I'm so done with school it's not funny. Can't imagine going back. A friend suggested I sign up for a Masters Degree cause I'd meet older men with money. She could very well be right, but having to study, take notes, complete assignments and write exams are currently very unappealing to me. Free or low cost general interest courses I would consider, but a Masters degree is a bit too expensive and time consuming to undertake as a means for meeting a man.
11. Park
Well, going to the park with my 4 year-old more than likely isn't going draw men to me like magnets. Sadly most of the men there are married or I'm surrounded by Moms so this hasn't worked for me. I do go cycling or on long walks and spend time at Lake Leamy worshipping the sun, but I haven't met any men there either.
12. Parties
Given the work I do, attending events and receptions are a regular occurrence. I very much enjoy going to these events, meeting new people and being exposed to a variety of cultures and foods. It would be more fun if I had a date! Once in a while I'll bring a friend whether male or female, but more often than not I wind up going alone and leaving alone.
Friends have house parties and invite others I don't know, but more often than not it's mostly couples and me the odd ball!
Birthday parties for kids are also very common, but less likely to be a viable venue to meet a single guy as again it's mostly couples or Moms accompanying their kids.
13. Interest groups/clubs
I attend gallery events, museum opennings, fashion shows, information sessions and seminars. Funny, but lately I'm surprised at how many gay men attend these events. I find they tend to be more interested in the arts so less likely I'll meet a potential mate there. I won't throw in the towel on this one since these events do come up regularly and there have to be straight guys that appreciate the arts too!
14. Bus stop
I can't remember the last time I took a bus, so this one definitely won't work for me! While I was touring around the Philippines, I was on numerous buses, but there were mostly couples on the tour so not luck there either.
Google wasn't the most helpful so I'll have to do a bit more research and solicit my friends for suggestions.
Thanks for reading!
Dateless in Ottawa
So many questions, but very few answers. Most of my friends are married - happily married and no they don't have any single brothers or relatives they can introduce me to. Work is not an option. I don't believe in playing in my own backyard because if things go wrong, you're stuck seeing the person daily. How awkward would that be? Not to mention depending on what positions you hold at work, it could be viewed as a conflict of interest. I'm also a private person so I don't need to put my personal life on display at work or create distractions.
I needed help! Time to let Google do the work. So I do a search entitled "Where do forty something year-olds meet others?"
What came up?
1. Church
I go to church once in a while, but to be honest my congregation has a very high percentage of seniors and the rest is mainly composed of young families with children. Can't say I've noticed many single men, at least not in my acceptable age bracket. Perhaps if I went more often???
2. Market/Grocery store
With 4 growing kids, I practically live at the grocery store. Costco, Loblaws, IGA, Super C, Whole Foods, Luciano's, Provigo, Independent, Food Basics...you name it I've been there! Heck I should buy shares!!! Can't say I've ever met anyone while doing groceries. There was one time where a guy was following me around and totally freaked me out. He finally caught up to me at the cash and said, "I'm sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I just had to tell you that I love your hair! Have a great night." Actually now that I think back, he was really cute. Extremely tall, probably 6'5 with curly red hair plus he was in his military uniform, what more could a woman ask for? Never did see him again. I do go late at night which is when they claim singles tend to go to avoid the crowds, but even then it's not uncommon for me to have the store to myself! More often than not I run into the parents of my kids' friends and they're all taken.
3. Bars
I'll go out clubbing once in a while with girl friends to celebrate a birthday, go out for a drink to unwind after a crazy week or to vent, but it certainly isn't something we do often. Most of the time we look around and feel way too old to be there. Then you have to deal with the two extremes - drunk 20 something year olds trying to pick you up or 60 something year olds trying to pick you up. I'll pass on both thanks!
4. Work
I already mentioned how I feel about this. Not for me!
5. Online
Given my numerous attempts, I consider myself an expert who can state without any reservations that it has not worked for me. I do have several friends that have met their significant others and/or spouses on there, but that luck still eludes me. Yes, I did meet a few nice guys but sadly it wasn't meant to be.
6. Friends
Yes, a great place to start but most don't have family or friends that are single and looking. Friends certainly do know you well, sometimes better than you know yourself so they would be great at match making if they happen to come across someone who's single and available. This could remain a viable option, time will tell.
7. Restaurants
Being a foody, going out to restaurants is not an issue. I'm also the type that if I'm craving something and none of my friends want to go, I'll go by myself. There have been countless occasions when I've taken myself out for breakfast, lunch and/or dinner and I'm not talking McDonalds. Thai, Indian, Sushi, Fusion, Szechwan, you name it I like it and I'll venture into the unknown without hesitation. Have I ever had the pleasure of meeting someone? Nope, can't say I have. I'll keep trying, after all it is more enjoyable to eat in the company of another.
8. Gym/Sporting activites
Whether it be a club or gym membership or an organized team sport, I've done it all. Softball, dodge ball, yoga, aerobics....nope, haven't met any men here either. At yoga and aerobics I rarely see men. At other sports it's common for huband and wife/boyfriend and girlfriend to join together, or the guys are too young, too old or gay.
9. Vacation
I travel frequently and I've met a few guys, but sadly they were married or simply looking for a way to immigrate to Canada! Funny how it's usually the married ones that hit on you. On my recent trip to the DR, the guy that was transporting us to the airport offered to leave his wife if I agreed to stay and move in with him. No thanks, I'll pass cause chances are he'll do the exact same thing to me when he meets the next single young lady on a trip to the airport.
10. School
I'm so done with school it's not funny. Can't imagine going back. A friend suggested I sign up for a Masters Degree cause I'd meet older men with money. She could very well be right, but having to study, take notes, complete assignments and write exams are currently very unappealing to me. Free or low cost general interest courses I would consider, but a Masters degree is a bit too expensive and time consuming to undertake as a means for meeting a man.
11. Park
Well, going to the park with my 4 year-old more than likely isn't going draw men to me like magnets. Sadly most of the men there are married or I'm surrounded by Moms so this hasn't worked for me. I do go cycling or on long walks and spend time at Lake Leamy worshipping the sun, but I haven't met any men there either.
12. Parties
Given the work I do, attending events and receptions are a regular occurrence. I very much enjoy going to these events, meeting new people and being exposed to a variety of cultures and foods. It would be more fun if I had a date! Once in a while I'll bring a friend whether male or female, but more often than not I wind up going alone and leaving alone.
Friends have house parties and invite others I don't know, but more often than not it's mostly couples and me the odd ball!
Birthday parties for kids are also very common, but less likely to be a viable venue to meet a single guy as again it's mostly couples or Moms accompanying their kids.
13. Interest groups/clubs
I attend gallery events, museum opennings, fashion shows, information sessions and seminars. Funny, but lately I'm surprised at how many gay men attend these events. I find they tend to be more interested in the arts so less likely I'll meet a potential mate there. I won't throw in the towel on this one since these events do come up regularly and there have to be straight guys that appreciate the arts too!
14. Bus stop
I can't remember the last time I took a bus, so this one definitely won't work for me! While I was touring around the Philippines, I was on numerous buses, but there were mostly couples on the tour so not luck there either.
Google wasn't the most helpful so I'll have to do a bit more research and solicit my friends for suggestions.
Thanks for reading!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 15 May 2016
Harsh Lessons learned from Online Dating
Sadly as I look over my notes and numerous posts, I'm astonished at how many men I interacted with and/or met. We won't even mention the numerous others I didn't write about. Here I was still very single and alone. Some quick stats to further depress me:
Number of men I interacted with = 103
Number of men I actually met = 56 (never imagined I'd meet this many)
Number of men that were married (these were confirmed, but there's probably a lot more) = 17
Number of men I met that didn't look anything like their profile picture = 24
Number of men that lied about their height = 17
Number of men that lied about being employed or their job = 14
Using only the number of men I actually met, this translates into the following stats.
Percentage of men that were actually married when they claimed to be single/divorced = 30%
Percentage of men that were dishonest about their height = 30%
Percentage of men that were dishonest about their appearance = 43%
Percentage of men that were dishonest about being employed or their profession = 25%
These numbers are very disappointing. Talk about adding insult to injury! I truly don't understand why men have to be so dishonest. Sooner or late the truth always comes out. What a waste of time and energy.
Top 3 Harsh Realities of Online Dating:
1. Many of the men using online dating are dishonest.
2. If it looks or sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
3. Your ego will take a shit kicking.
So, what did online dating teach me?
1. Never judge a book by its cover.
2. In general, most people are dishonest.
3. Keep your expectations low.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. Be kind.
6. Don't make assumptions.
7. No matter what, be true to yourself and don't settle.
8. Trust no one.
9. You need to grow a thick skin.
10. Online dating is not for the faint of heart!
So much for those articles that claimed someone would have to meet at least 100 potential suitors before finding "the one." I think they need to conduct a new study and update these statistics. Mind you, they would probably argue that I only met 56 of these guys in person so I still have another 44 to go. How daunting! Given my track record, that doesn't leave me with a warm fuzzy feeling. I was already suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. Any further subjection to this cruel and unusual punishment could lead to a requirement for long-term professional help!
No way I was in any condition to continue with online dating. I had to find other options. Unfortunately most of my girlfriends don't have single and available brothers, cousins, friends, colleagues, etc. At this age most of them are married, not suitable for various reasons or simply aren't interested in settling down because they're having way too much fun. Talking with friends we laughed at the fact that amoung other factors we further have take into consideration the number of men over 55 and the number of gay men which greatly reduce the number of available single men. The odds appeared to be stacked against me. Maybe moving to Fort McMurray would be a more viable option??? According to research, it's supposed to have the highest ratio of single men to single women in Canada. Who knows! Regardless, I came to the realization that I needed a break from online dating.
Where do forty-something year old single parents hang out? I'd have to start all over again. There has to be something other than online dating. I needed time to gather my thoughts and figure out what the next step would be.
Thanks for reading. For those of you still using online dating, good luck. Remember - be honest, it goes a long way.
Dateless in Ottawa
Number of men I interacted with = 103
Number of men I actually met = 56 (never imagined I'd meet this many)
Number of men that were married (these were confirmed, but there's probably a lot more) = 17
Number of men I met that didn't look anything like their profile picture = 24
Number of men that lied about their height = 17
Number of men that lied about being employed or their job = 14
Using only the number of men I actually met, this translates into the following stats.
Percentage of men that were actually married when they claimed to be single/divorced = 30%
Percentage of men that were dishonest about their height = 30%
Percentage of men that were dishonest about their appearance = 43%
Percentage of men that were dishonest about being employed or their profession = 25%
These numbers are very disappointing. Talk about adding insult to injury! I truly don't understand why men have to be so dishonest. Sooner or late the truth always comes out. What a waste of time and energy.
Top 3 Harsh Realities of Online Dating:
1. Many of the men using online dating are dishonest.
2. If it looks or sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
3. Your ego will take a shit kicking.
So, what did online dating teach me?
1. Never judge a book by its cover.
2. In general, most people are dishonest.
3. Keep your expectations low.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. Be kind.
6. Don't make assumptions.
7. No matter what, be true to yourself and don't settle.
8. Trust no one.
9. You need to grow a thick skin.
10. Online dating is not for the faint of heart!
So much for those articles that claimed someone would have to meet at least 100 potential suitors before finding "the one." I think they need to conduct a new study and update these statistics. Mind you, they would probably argue that I only met 56 of these guys in person so I still have another 44 to go. How daunting! Given my track record, that doesn't leave me with a warm fuzzy feeling. I was already suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. Any further subjection to this cruel and unusual punishment could lead to a requirement for long-term professional help!
No way I was in any condition to continue with online dating. I had to find other options. Unfortunately most of my girlfriends don't have single and available brothers, cousins, friends, colleagues, etc. At this age most of them are married, not suitable for various reasons or simply aren't interested in settling down because they're having way too much fun. Talking with friends we laughed at the fact that amoung other factors we further have take into consideration the number of men over 55 and the number of gay men which greatly reduce the number of available single men. The odds appeared to be stacked against me. Maybe moving to Fort McMurray would be a more viable option??? According to research, it's supposed to have the highest ratio of single men to single women in Canada. Who knows! Regardless, I came to the realization that I needed a break from online dating.
Where do forty-something year old single parents hang out? I'd have to start all over again. There has to be something other than online dating. I needed time to gather my thoughts and figure out what the next step would be.
Thanks for reading. For those of you still using online dating, good luck. Remember - be honest, it goes a long way.
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday 11 May 2016
Random knowledge
As negative as some of my experiences with online dating were, I learned tons of stuff from the men I dated. These tid bits of information would prove to be very helpful in various aspects of my life. I thrive on learning new things and pushing the limits on my abilities. Tell me I can't do something and I'll prove you wrong! In my opinion, knowledge is power and you can never learn too much. Being able to do something I've never done before is a huge accomplishment. I've even surprised and/or impressed my Dad, that's huge for me.
Being a single Mom, I don't have a man around to do the things we typically categorize as "male stuff" and with Dad living far away I'm impatient. I also hate bothering other people so this usually means I have to do whatever it is by myself. I'm actually pretty handy. My parents did a great job of making sure me and my sister could do pretty much anything that needed to be done, but once in a while I'm faced with a new challenge I've never had to deal with before. My biggest shortfall is not having the right tools. Don't ask me to name them either. Screw drivers, drills and hammers I have down pat, I'll even identify some of the different bits but that's about it. Men laugh when I ask them if they have that "do hickie" or "thing a ma jigger" you use to loosen a nut or the tool that looks kind of like scissors, but it's long and pointy. Hey, at least I'm describing it in such a way that they should somehow visualize what I'm talking about...or not! Lol Worst case I have to draw it or be more specific in terms of what it is exactly I'm trying to do.
Some of this stuff I learned by watching my dates perform minor repairs at their place and asking lots of questions. Other times it was by listening to them explain things or trouble shoot with their friends over the phone or in person. Amazing what you learn when you listen and pay attention!
What did I learn?
Construction related stuff:
1. Windows
Very handy when all of a sudden I had to change all the windows at home. Who would have known there were that many different kinds and styles. Double pane, single pane, crank, hinged, etc... my goodness. When I heard "Double Hung" I thought yeah, very funny dude we're not taking about how well endowed you are! Women are often made to feel stupid when it comes to construction, cars or guy stuff. Low and behold double hung is a type of window. Didn't I feel dumb! By the way, they are the best ever and so easy to clean. I'd make a great sales person, I tell everyone about them.
2. Plumbing
How to change a faucet, extremely handy. Since then, I've successfully replaced shower heads and figured out all I had to do was replace the gasket or even easier - the Teflon tape! Never knew what a gasket or Teflon tape were, I do now!
Changing a toilet! I could totally do it, the only problem being that I can't lift the bowl and tank. They are way too heavy and not for lack of trying. On a positive note, I did manage to buy everything I needed to get the job done all by myself! Even turned off the water and completely drained the toilet. I know my limits and once in a while we have to admit defeat!
3. Light fixtures
The different colours of wires and what a ground is. It was so much easier than I thought. Who says a woman can't learn these things? One very important piece of advice...make sure the power is turned off! Sadly I learned this the hard way. Lol!
Electrical stuff can be tricky, make sure you know where the electrical panel is and how to turn off the breakers. Equally important is to know what breaker controls what part of the house! I labelled everything so should never run into trouble again.
4. Door bell
After successfully dealing with light fixtures, this one I taught myself. It took three attempts, but I finally got it to work! The instructions were all wrong. Once I threw them out, played around and reconfigured the wires, I managed to get it to work! I was so proud of this one. There was no way I was going to call someone to trouble shoot. Determination paid off.
There's so much more, but I'll save it for another post! Happy reading and have a great night.
Dateless in Ottawa
Being a single Mom, I don't have a man around to do the things we typically categorize as "male stuff" and with Dad living far away I'm impatient. I also hate bothering other people so this usually means I have to do whatever it is by myself. I'm actually pretty handy. My parents did a great job of making sure me and my sister could do pretty much anything that needed to be done, but once in a while I'm faced with a new challenge I've never had to deal with before. My biggest shortfall is not having the right tools. Don't ask me to name them either. Screw drivers, drills and hammers I have down pat, I'll even identify some of the different bits but that's about it. Men laugh when I ask them if they have that "do hickie" or "thing a ma jigger" you use to loosen a nut or the tool that looks kind of like scissors, but it's long and pointy. Hey, at least I'm describing it in such a way that they should somehow visualize what I'm talking about...or not! Lol Worst case I have to draw it or be more specific in terms of what it is exactly I'm trying to do.
Some of this stuff I learned by watching my dates perform minor repairs at their place and asking lots of questions. Other times it was by listening to them explain things or trouble shoot with their friends over the phone or in person. Amazing what you learn when you listen and pay attention!
What did I learn?
Construction related stuff:
1. Windows
Very handy when all of a sudden I had to change all the windows at home. Who would have known there were that many different kinds and styles. Double pane, single pane, crank, hinged, etc... my goodness. When I heard "Double Hung" I thought yeah, very funny dude we're not taking about how well endowed you are! Women are often made to feel stupid when it comes to construction, cars or guy stuff. Low and behold double hung is a type of window. Didn't I feel dumb! By the way, they are the best ever and so easy to clean. I'd make a great sales person, I tell everyone about them.
2. Plumbing
How to change a faucet, extremely handy. Since then, I've successfully replaced shower heads and figured out all I had to do was replace the gasket or even easier - the Teflon tape! Never knew what a gasket or Teflon tape were, I do now!
Changing a toilet! I could totally do it, the only problem being that I can't lift the bowl and tank. They are way too heavy and not for lack of trying. On a positive note, I did manage to buy everything I needed to get the job done all by myself! Even turned off the water and completely drained the toilet. I know my limits and once in a while we have to admit defeat!
3. Light fixtures
The different colours of wires and what a ground is. It was so much easier than I thought. Who says a woman can't learn these things? One very important piece of advice...make sure the power is turned off! Sadly I learned this the hard way. Lol!
Electrical stuff can be tricky, make sure you know where the electrical panel is and how to turn off the breakers. Equally important is to know what breaker controls what part of the house! I labelled everything so should never run into trouble again.
4. Door bell
After successfully dealing with light fixtures, this one I taught myself. It took three attempts, but I finally got it to work! The instructions were all wrong. Once I threw them out, played around and reconfigured the wires, I managed to get it to work! I was so proud of this one. There was no way I was going to call someone to trouble shoot. Determination paid off.
There's so much more, but I'll save it for another post! Happy reading and have a great night.
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 8 May 2016
Recovering from jet lag
Online dating was quite the trip! Kind of like suffering from major jet lack when returning home from a holiday in Asia. I was feeling disoriented, confused, sad, disappointed, angry, hurt, dazed, frustrated, defeated and felt like a failure. As I looked back on my online dating misadventures what stood out most was how lonely I felt. After putting in a concerted effort into trying to find love using online dating on and off for almost 5 years, I was at the exact same place where I started....single and alone. I was worn and battered, not to mention older.
I reminisced about being married. How proud I was to wear my engagement and wedding bands. They were a part of me and were a symbol of all the things I cherished most - family, love, security, happiness, devotion, fidelity, respect, the fairy tale ending most little girls dream of. Marriage isn't always perfect or easy, but it was a wonderful feeling to be a part of something so special. While I was writing this I saw the movie "Just the Way you Are." I cried. It brought back so many memories. At times you think your significant other is too wrapped up in their work and activities to remember the little things that make you feel special, to behave and demonstrate through actions that he cares. Suddenly out of the blue he surprises you and makes you feel like a million bucks! It doesn't take much, but it means the world to you. Coincidental that the main character also loved Lilies of the Valley. Rare tiny bell shaped flowers with a delicate scent that only bloom once a year for a couple of weeks, usually around Mother's Day. Life with all of it's responsibilities like work and children can sometimes get in the way, but with some creativity and effort, we can surprise our significant other and inject some sparks into the relationship.
I truly miss doing those special things to let my significant other know how much he means to me. Planning surprises, having date nights, laughing, while at work being anxious and looking forward to getting home to see my man, sending flirty texts to let him know I was thinking about him. A note in an unexpected place, a card in the mail, a friend showing up to deliver a special message and act as a facilitator. It was fun and exciting. When you finally see each other your eyes lock, you feel weak in the knees and you're filled with this overwhelming desire. When you touch, you melt into each other and become one. This is what I want and need, what I missed more than anything. Even when there were disagreements or things did get bad, there was make up sex! You don't get that when you're alone. Battery operated boyfriends are a tad overrated! Lol Was I being unrealistic? Were my expectations to high? Maybe a little, ok alot. Who was I kidding?
Online dating had the ability to deal you a harsh dose of reality. It often came spiked with cruelty and dishonesty with a generous serving of disrespect. Not recommended for the faint of heart. If you're not careful, it can turn even the kindest most naïve and gentle soul into a cold heartless individual. Sadly the bad experiences far outweighed the positive ones. I tried to focus on the good, but it was hard.
I started spending more time with family and friends. Thinking about my life and all the things I had to be grateful for. Focusing on me and my needs and worrying less about the kids. They were growing and becoming more and more independent every day. I had to make more time for me without feeling guilty. This was part of the journey. The break from online dating would give me time to heal and rediscover myself. I had changed over the years and I needed to get to know the new me. It was also time to explore other options for meeting people and putting myself out there. At any given time there were millions of single people around the world finding their mates. How did they do it? Was there anything new out there? What kinds of services could facilitate finding a mate? This would become my new project while distracting me from all the negative feelings I had amassed from my online dating experiences.
For those of you still using online dating, I commend you. It has the potential to work and I wish you all the best.
Dateless in Ottawa
I reminisced about being married. How proud I was to wear my engagement and wedding bands. They were a part of me and were a symbol of all the things I cherished most - family, love, security, happiness, devotion, fidelity, respect, the fairy tale ending most little girls dream of. Marriage isn't always perfect or easy, but it was a wonderful feeling to be a part of something so special. While I was writing this I saw the movie "Just the Way you Are." I cried. It brought back so many memories. At times you think your significant other is too wrapped up in their work and activities to remember the little things that make you feel special, to behave and demonstrate through actions that he cares. Suddenly out of the blue he surprises you and makes you feel like a million bucks! It doesn't take much, but it means the world to you. Coincidental that the main character also loved Lilies of the Valley. Rare tiny bell shaped flowers with a delicate scent that only bloom once a year for a couple of weeks, usually around Mother's Day. Life with all of it's responsibilities like work and children can sometimes get in the way, but with some creativity and effort, we can surprise our significant other and inject some sparks into the relationship.
I truly miss doing those special things to let my significant other know how much he means to me. Planning surprises, having date nights, laughing, while at work being anxious and looking forward to getting home to see my man, sending flirty texts to let him know I was thinking about him. A note in an unexpected place, a card in the mail, a friend showing up to deliver a special message and act as a facilitator. It was fun and exciting. When you finally see each other your eyes lock, you feel weak in the knees and you're filled with this overwhelming desire. When you touch, you melt into each other and become one. This is what I want and need, what I missed more than anything. Even when there were disagreements or things did get bad, there was make up sex! You don't get that when you're alone. Battery operated boyfriends are a tad overrated! Lol Was I being unrealistic? Were my expectations to high? Maybe a little, ok alot. Who was I kidding?
Online dating had the ability to deal you a harsh dose of reality. It often came spiked with cruelty and dishonesty with a generous serving of disrespect. Not recommended for the faint of heart. If you're not careful, it can turn even the kindest most naïve and gentle soul into a cold heartless individual. Sadly the bad experiences far outweighed the positive ones. I tried to focus on the good, but it was hard.
I started spending more time with family and friends. Thinking about my life and all the things I had to be grateful for. Focusing on me and my needs and worrying less about the kids. They were growing and becoming more and more independent every day. I had to make more time for me without feeling guilty. This was part of the journey. The break from online dating would give me time to heal and rediscover myself. I had changed over the years and I needed to get to know the new me. It was also time to explore other options for meeting people and putting myself out there. At any given time there were millions of single people around the world finding their mates. How did they do it? Was there anything new out there? What kinds of services could facilitate finding a mate? This would become my new project while distracting me from all the negative feelings I had amassed from my online dating experiences.
For those of you still using online dating, I commend you. It has the potential to work and I wish you all the best.
Dateless in Ottawa
Friday 6 May 2016
Round 32 - The straw that broke the camel's back! * warning adult content
I was tired and my ego was deflated. Actually, I think it would be more accurate so say my ego was stomped on and beaten to a pulp. Not sure there was anything left! How could I have possibly interacted with so many men and still be single? It seemed incomprehensible.
Sadly the usual emails soliciting sex continued to come in. There were other guys that emailed, but again I think they were looking for a pen pal, not a girlfriend. Others emailed fast and furious only to disappear just as suddenly as they had appeared. One day their profile was there, the next it was gone. The creative ones would try to re-invent themselves by changing their names, but were too stupid to use new pictures. As if people aren't going to recognize you when you keep using the exact same profile pictures???
My friends were supportive. They said good things were just around the corner. My perseverance would pay off eventually. One day I'd look back and laugh at all these bad experiences and appreciate the good all the more. I was skeptical, but I didn't think things could get any worse. I'd seen in all so nothing could surprise me at this point. It was a great source of entertainment, if nothing else.
Embarking on to the next round.
Round 32:
63. Mr. Insurance
He was bit older, 53, average height, with a stocky build. He had salt and pepper hair with blue eyes. He was divorced with 3 kids in joint custody. The country was where he lived and worked. Sports were high on his list of interests along with cooking.
His introductory email was sympathetic and filled with questions. Online dating had not been a pleasant experience for him either. He agreed that many people found it far too easy to lie and play games while sitting behind a computer monitor. He came across as a straight shooter and honest. He had been divorced for over 10 years and said he was having a hard time finding someone compatible. Given my experiences, I wasn't surprised. We shared stories and started texting.
He seemed nice and had a good sense of humour. He was floored when I shared more of my stories with him. His so called bad experiences were a walk in the park compared to mine.
We talked about work, our kids and family. He came from a large family. His oldest had moved out, only 2 remained at home and they were older than mine. My kids being younger was a concern for him, but he was willing to give it a try.
Things were moving along and one night he said we needed to talk. That got my attention. When we hear those words our stomach flips as we brace ourselves for bad news. I had no idea what it could be he wanted to talk about. Up to that point I had answered all of his questions and we had been very open with each other. For him the physical aspect of a relationship was very important and he wanted to know if I'd be comfortable talking about sex. I'm no prude and I agreed it was a very important element in a relationship. Nothing wrong with talking about it, partners have to be on the same page for a relationship to work. Never in a million years did I expect to hear what he said next.
Him: "Would you be alright with your partner being with a man once in a while?"
Me: "What? You mean with another woman?"
Him: "No, with a man."
Me: "With a man? Meaning what exactly?"
Him: "Giving a man a blow job really turns me on."
Me: "Pardon me? So you're telling me you like men?"
Him: "No, not at all!"
Me: "Ok, let me get this straight. You want to give a guy a blow job once in a while, but you don't like men?"
Him: "I'm not gay, it's just fun and we can do it together."
Me: "So if you're in a relationship with a woman and things are going well, you would still need to do this?"
Him: "Yes, but if my partner didn't agree then I wouldn't."
Me: "But you wouldn't be happy. What if I told you I wanted to be with another man once in a while."
Him: "Well it's something I really enjoy and I'd like to be able to do it. No, that's not right. That would be cheating. But maybe if I was with you and watched it would be ok or if it was with another woman."
Me: "No, I'd want to be alone and then you can go and do your thing. Another woman? Not happening and no threesomes. Funny that a double standard exists. It's ok for you to want to be with a man, but in my case it would be cheating?"
Him: "No, that wouldn't work. But I want you to be with me when I'm with other men. It would be exciting and fun, you could just watch then we'd have sex."
Me: "I'm shocked, this is not normal in my opinion. Are you bi-sexual? You claim you don't like men, but you do realize that a penis is attached to a man right? You can't have one without the other, it's kind of like a package deal."
Him: "No, you don't understand."
Me: "No I don't, please explain it to me because it makes no sense. If my partner has the need to seek sex elsewhere with someone of the opposite sex, then obviously I'm not the one for him. The thought of not being able to satisfy my partner would leave me feeling inadequate and unhappy."
Him: "You can't look at it that way."
Me: "How am I supposed to look at it? I'm very open minded and willing to try different things, after all variety is the spice of life, but having my partner giving men blow jobs is not acceptable to me. Sleeping with other women falls into the same category. I don't share my partner with anyone and I would hope that my partner would never want me to be with anyone but him."
Him: "It's not a big deal, forget I mentioned it."
Me: "Yeah sure. Unfortunately it's kind of hard to wipe that image from my mind. I'm sorry to each his own, but I can't do this. You are so not for me. I wish you luck with your search."
Him: "You're a really nice girl, I like you a lot. Take care. I hope you find what you're looking for."
OMG! What the f---??? Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse. Holy shit, I was speechless. I truly don't know what normal is anymore. Am I the one that isn't normal? He didn't just tell me he needs to give men blow jobs once in a while, did he? I had to throw up. My skin was crawling and I was beyond disgusted. Would this not be considered abnormal, deviant, atypical, freakish and out of the ordinary behaviour? I could go on and on, but best to stop here. I'm all for the whole "live and let live", but this was so not for me. I couldn't begin to imagine!
Enough, I was done! That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm stubborn and determined, but this was beyond too much for me to deal with. If this is the kind of men available, I ain't interested. I'm better off single. Time to explore other options for meeting men. Quality was severely lacking in the online dating arena. I was going from bad to the worst ever!
Definitely time for a self-imposed sabbatical. Sadly I think this one could last a very, very long time!!!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sadly the usual emails soliciting sex continued to come in. There were other guys that emailed, but again I think they were looking for a pen pal, not a girlfriend. Others emailed fast and furious only to disappear just as suddenly as they had appeared. One day their profile was there, the next it was gone. The creative ones would try to re-invent themselves by changing their names, but were too stupid to use new pictures. As if people aren't going to recognize you when you keep using the exact same profile pictures???
My friends were supportive. They said good things were just around the corner. My perseverance would pay off eventually. One day I'd look back and laugh at all these bad experiences and appreciate the good all the more. I was skeptical, but I didn't think things could get any worse. I'd seen in all so nothing could surprise me at this point. It was a great source of entertainment, if nothing else.
Embarking on to the next round.
Round 32:
63. Mr. Insurance
He was bit older, 53, average height, with a stocky build. He had salt and pepper hair with blue eyes. He was divorced with 3 kids in joint custody. The country was where he lived and worked. Sports were high on his list of interests along with cooking.
His introductory email was sympathetic and filled with questions. Online dating had not been a pleasant experience for him either. He agreed that many people found it far too easy to lie and play games while sitting behind a computer monitor. He came across as a straight shooter and honest. He had been divorced for over 10 years and said he was having a hard time finding someone compatible. Given my experiences, I wasn't surprised. We shared stories and started texting.
He seemed nice and had a good sense of humour. He was floored when I shared more of my stories with him. His so called bad experiences were a walk in the park compared to mine.
We talked about work, our kids and family. He came from a large family. His oldest had moved out, only 2 remained at home and they were older than mine. My kids being younger was a concern for him, but he was willing to give it a try.
Things were moving along and one night he said we needed to talk. That got my attention. When we hear those words our stomach flips as we brace ourselves for bad news. I had no idea what it could be he wanted to talk about. Up to that point I had answered all of his questions and we had been very open with each other. For him the physical aspect of a relationship was very important and he wanted to know if I'd be comfortable talking about sex. I'm no prude and I agreed it was a very important element in a relationship. Nothing wrong with talking about it, partners have to be on the same page for a relationship to work. Never in a million years did I expect to hear what he said next.
Him: "Would you be alright with your partner being with a man once in a while?"
Me: "What? You mean with another woman?"
Him: "No, with a man."
Me: "With a man? Meaning what exactly?"
Him: "Giving a man a blow job really turns me on."
Me: "Pardon me? So you're telling me you like men?"
Him: "No, not at all!"
Me: "Ok, let me get this straight. You want to give a guy a blow job once in a while, but you don't like men?"
Him: "I'm not gay, it's just fun and we can do it together."
Me: "So if you're in a relationship with a woman and things are going well, you would still need to do this?"
Him: "Yes, but if my partner didn't agree then I wouldn't."
Me: "But you wouldn't be happy. What if I told you I wanted to be with another man once in a while."
Him: "Well it's something I really enjoy and I'd like to be able to do it. No, that's not right. That would be cheating. But maybe if I was with you and watched it would be ok or if it was with another woman."
Me: "No, I'd want to be alone and then you can go and do your thing. Another woman? Not happening and no threesomes. Funny that a double standard exists. It's ok for you to want to be with a man, but in my case it would be cheating?"
Him: "No, that wouldn't work. But I want you to be with me when I'm with other men. It would be exciting and fun, you could just watch then we'd have sex."
Me: "I'm shocked, this is not normal in my opinion. Are you bi-sexual? You claim you don't like men, but you do realize that a penis is attached to a man right? You can't have one without the other, it's kind of like a package deal."
Him: "No, you don't understand."
Me: "No I don't, please explain it to me because it makes no sense. If my partner has the need to seek sex elsewhere with someone of the opposite sex, then obviously I'm not the one for him. The thought of not being able to satisfy my partner would leave me feeling inadequate and unhappy."
Him: "You can't look at it that way."
Me: "How am I supposed to look at it? I'm very open minded and willing to try different things, after all variety is the spice of life, but having my partner giving men blow jobs is not acceptable to me. Sleeping with other women falls into the same category. I don't share my partner with anyone and I would hope that my partner would never want me to be with anyone but him."
Him: "It's not a big deal, forget I mentioned it."
Me: "Yeah sure. Unfortunately it's kind of hard to wipe that image from my mind. I'm sorry to each his own, but I can't do this. You are so not for me. I wish you luck with your search."
Him: "You're a really nice girl, I like you a lot. Take care. I hope you find what you're looking for."
OMG! What the f---??? Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse. Holy shit, I was speechless. I truly don't know what normal is anymore. Am I the one that isn't normal? He didn't just tell me he needs to give men blow jobs once in a while, did he? I had to throw up. My skin was crawling and I was beyond disgusted. Would this not be considered abnormal, deviant, atypical, freakish and out of the ordinary behaviour? I could go on and on, but best to stop here. I'm all for the whole "live and let live", but this was so not for me. I couldn't begin to imagine!
Enough, I was done! That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm stubborn and determined, but this was beyond too much for me to deal with. If this is the kind of men available, I ain't interested. I'm better off single. Time to explore other options for meeting men. Quality was severely lacking in the online dating arena. I was going from bad to the worst ever!
Definitely time for a self-imposed sabbatical. Sadly I think this one could last a very, very long time!!!
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday 4 May 2016
I figured out what's wrong with online dating
There were a few things that stood out when I looked back at all of my stories. Many of these guys claimed to be single or divorced. After meeting they would say they were only communicating with me and didn't log into POF anymore. Well my stories prove that many were in fact married. Very easy to lie when you're sitting behind a computer screen. You can say whatever you want and continue to build on the story while feeling safe and protected. It's only when you actually meet someone and start asking questions that the truth slowly unravels, at which point these men run and hide. Either that or they're stupid enough to leave their cell phone lying around with all of my contact information in it that their wives can use to call and/or email me.
To find out whether or not these guys were lying about only communicating with me, I would ask girl friends to do a username search and check for me to see if they were online. Funny how they would insist we didn't need to go on POF any more since we'd found each other and should explore where the journey would take us. Yeah, whatever! At one point I created a dummy profile to keep an eye on these guys so I wouldn't have to bother my friends. So disappointing when you meet someone who you think has potential and there he is on POF 24/7! It becomes a game. The key is to be stealth and creative. It's all about who can play it better while trying not to get hurt. Sadly people do get hurt.
When you consider all the online dating sites and apps, it's no wonder people don't put much effort into building a relationship. Way too many distractions and an ocean full of temptation! I can't begin to understand how people manage to juggle several online dating sites and mobile apps all at the same time. It's a constant flow of emails, texts and phone conversations. Using these sites can become addictive. Suddenly you're overwhelmed and having a hard time keeping track, yet you don't stop cause the neighbour's grass is always greener. It's like having a second full-time job and needing a scheduling assistant to help keep you organized! We're never happy with what we have, we want more. Life in the age of excesses; the more we have, the more we want. They are out with one person, but anxiously waiting for a new text or email to set up a date with another person. Gotta keep their options open and not "settle." It's a vicious circle of never wanting to commit or bothering to truly get to know someone because they believe someone even better is just an email or text away.
The world has changed to the point where everything is disposable. Nothing lasts like it used to. Gone are the days of appliances lasting 35 years or cars lasting 20! Even with relationships the minute something goes wrong or one person isn't happy, it's over. Don't get me wrong, there are cases where it's best to walk away, but by the same token nothing worth having comes easy. People have to be willing to give and take, compromise, invest themselves completely and commit while constantly working on the relationship. A relationship is like a work of art or a career. It takes time to get it just right. You have to study, do the work and put in the effort. A brush stroke here, a touch of colour there, make some changes, accessorize, more training, the options are endless. It's a never ending project. Close friends of the family are celebrating their 40th anniversary this weekend. What a milestone! Sadly we don't celebrate these as often anymore.
At work I see it when interviewing students. Here they are fresh out of university with this overinflated sense of entitlement and unrealistic expectations. They want a top paying job because they have a university degree and then rhyme out their list of demands and limitations. Anything less is beneath them. Being book smart doesn't make you better or more intelligent. There is something to be said about knowing how to apply common sense, life experiences and hands on training. The realities of life can differ extensively from the picture perfect scenarios learned in text books, yet students fresh out of school think they are better and smarter. Are you kidding me? Time for a dose of reality kids. You start at the bottom like everyone else and work your way up. Much like respect, seniority is earned. In some cases depending on their field of study or who they know, they may be lucky to land an awesome top paying job. For the rest, you have to prove yourself and work your way up the ranks. Often times promotions mean applying and having to compete with others to move up, it isn't automatic. One can't sit around and simply expect things to fall into their lap, if you want it you have to go out and get it. Fight for what you want because competition for jobs is fierce, much like trying to find a mate!
This assumption that the next person will be even better than the one you're with now is crazy. It's not impossible, but where do you draw the line? How will you know when you've met the "perfect" one? Will bells, lights and whistles go off kind of like at the casino when you win at the slot machine? Will a marquee sign appear over the person's head saying "This is the one?" Maybe my fairy godmother will use her magic wand and make my perfect man appear? For most it seems like an endless roller coaster putting one at risk of ending up alone, while using the excuse or justification that they are not willing to settle. There is no such thing as perfect. We all have our flaws, weaknesses and short comings. Hopefully the good qualities and strengths will outweigh the bad. We can't be good at everything! It should be about focusing on our strengths and how we can compliment one another. Like I said in a previous post, if I can find someone that has 70% of what I'm looking for, I'll grab him and run! At some point I may need to re-adjust this figure, but for now I'll leave it as is.
Personally I think the key to finding relationship success is honesty. This is one element that I find is severely lacking in the world of online dating. It's hard to build a relationship on a foundation of lies. Oh well, the only person's behaviour we can control is our own. For now I'll continue on and try to remain hopeful that there are other honest people out there willing to make the effort.
To summarize, the two major problems keeping people from finding their "perfect" relationship is dishonesty and unrealistic expectations. Something to consider.
Yup, no choice but to move on to Round 31!
Dateless in Ottawa
To find out whether or not these guys were lying about only communicating with me, I would ask girl friends to do a username search and check for me to see if they were online. Funny how they would insist we didn't need to go on POF any more since we'd found each other and should explore where the journey would take us. Yeah, whatever! At one point I created a dummy profile to keep an eye on these guys so I wouldn't have to bother my friends. So disappointing when you meet someone who you think has potential and there he is on POF 24/7! It becomes a game. The key is to be stealth and creative. It's all about who can play it better while trying not to get hurt. Sadly people do get hurt.
When you consider all the online dating sites and apps, it's no wonder people don't put much effort into building a relationship. Way too many distractions and an ocean full of temptation! I can't begin to understand how people manage to juggle several online dating sites and mobile apps all at the same time. It's a constant flow of emails, texts and phone conversations. Using these sites can become addictive. Suddenly you're overwhelmed and having a hard time keeping track, yet you don't stop cause the neighbour's grass is always greener. It's like having a second full-time job and needing a scheduling assistant to help keep you organized! We're never happy with what we have, we want more. Life in the age of excesses; the more we have, the more we want. They are out with one person, but anxiously waiting for a new text or email to set up a date with another person. Gotta keep their options open and not "settle." It's a vicious circle of never wanting to commit or bothering to truly get to know someone because they believe someone even better is just an email or text away.
The world has changed to the point where everything is disposable. Nothing lasts like it used to. Gone are the days of appliances lasting 35 years or cars lasting 20! Even with relationships the minute something goes wrong or one person isn't happy, it's over. Don't get me wrong, there are cases where it's best to walk away, but by the same token nothing worth having comes easy. People have to be willing to give and take, compromise, invest themselves completely and commit while constantly working on the relationship. A relationship is like a work of art or a career. It takes time to get it just right. You have to study, do the work and put in the effort. A brush stroke here, a touch of colour there, make some changes, accessorize, more training, the options are endless. It's a never ending project. Close friends of the family are celebrating their 40th anniversary this weekend. What a milestone! Sadly we don't celebrate these as often anymore.
At work I see it when interviewing students. Here they are fresh out of university with this overinflated sense of entitlement and unrealistic expectations. They want a top paying job because they have a university degree and then rhyme out their list of demands and limitations. Anything less is beneath them. Being book smart doesn't make you better or more intelligent. There is something to be said about knowing how to apply common sense, life experiences and hands on training. The realities of life can differ extensively from the picture perfect scenarios learned in text books, yet students fresh out of school think they are better and smarter. Are you kidding me? Time for a dose of reality kids. You start at the bottom like everyone else and work your way up. Much like respect, seniority is earned. In some cases depending on their field of study or who they know, they may be lucky to land an awesome top paying job. For the rest, you have to prove yourself and work your way up the ranks. Often times promotions mean applying and having to compete with others to move up, it isn't automatic. One can't sit around and simply expect things to fall into their lap, if you want it you have to go out and get it. Fight for what you want because competition for jobs is fierce, much like trying to find a mate!
This assumption that the next person will be even better than the one you're with now is crazy. It's not impossible, but where do you draw the line? How will you know when you've met the "perfect" one? Will bells, lights and whistles go off kind of like at the casino when you win at the slot machine? Will a marquee sign appear over the person's head saying "This is the one?" Maybe my fairy godmother will use her magic wand and make my perfect man appear? For most it seems like an endless roller coaster putting one at risk of ending up alone, while using the excuse or justification that they are not willing to settle. There is no such thing as perfect. We all have our flaws, weaknesses and short comings. Hopefully the good qualities and strengths will outweigh the bad. We can't be good at everything! It should be about focusing on our strengths and how we can compliment one another. Like I said in a previous post, if I can find someone that has 70% of what I'm looking for, I'll grab him and run! At some point I may need to re-adjust this figure, but for now I'll leave it as is.
Personally I think the key to finding relationship success is honesty. This is one element that I find is severely lacking in the world of online dating. It's hard to build a relationship on a foundation of lies. Oh well, the only person's behaviour we can control is our own. For now I'll continue on and try to remain hopeful that there are other honest people out there willing to make the effort.
To summarize, the two major problems keeping people from finding their "perfect" relationship is dishonesty and unrealistic expectations. Something to consider.
Yup, no choice but to move on to Round 31!
Dateless in Ottawa
Friday 29 April 2016
Round 29 - A bit gun shy
After taking a couple of months off, it was time to get back on the horse! It was hard, but you can't go through life being afraid or assuming all men are the same. Things would be different. One thing for sure - I had to be more careful.
I unhid my profile, but not my pictures. If someone wrote and they seemed like a viable candidate, I'd send them my pictures in an email. Remaining somewhat anonymous gave me a sense of security. Hey, whatever works!
Ok, I held my breath and jumped in with both feet!
I'm always amazed at how quickly emails start to come in as soon as a profile is posted or unhidden. It's like a school of piranhas is circling the waters waiting for their next victim! Lol A couple of guys wrote that had written to me before. They were the endless emailers with no intention of meeting, so delete! I wasn't interested in pen pals, no more wasting time. The sex crazed idiots also wrote, delete, delete, delete! Things had changed, I had changed. My level of tolerance was very low. I knew what I wanted and what I needed. No more settling or being nice on the off chance I was wrong or being too picky. My gut would be my guide and if I needed help, I had plenty of friends who would be happy to help me screen profiles. The onus would fall to the men to contact me. I was done with sending introductory emails.
Round 29:
56. The Statistician
He was average height with dark hair and blue eyes. He was single, never married with no children. On his profile he described himself as an adrenaline junkie. I was exhausted after reading his profile. It sounded like he worked out 24/7! Skydiving was his drug along with various other extreme sports.
His introductory email was well written. He also spoke Spanish so after the initial exchange he emailed and texted in Spanish so he could practice. He suggested meeting soon after, but I kept putting it off. Eventually we talked on the phone. He seemed easy going and laid back. We decided to meet for coffee.
He was very polite and looked better than his picture, although shorter than I expected. We had an interesting conversation, but I didn't feel a connection. Skydiving and working out were his life, I had children and a career. We seemed to be from completely different worlds. Potential for a friendship perhaps, but even then our interests were very different and we had opposing views on family. Not once did he ask about the children which to me said he had no interest in them - deal breaker for me. Skydiving, P-90X and planning the next trip to do more skydiving were the focus of the conversation.
I thanked him for the coffee and we went our separate ways. He sent the odd text then started emailing in POF again. He asked if I'd go out for coffee again and I said yes, as friends as I didn't see potential for a relationship. He appeared angry and stopped writing. Oh well!
57. The Truck Driver
He was twice divorced with 2 grown sons. He was tall with dark hair and light eyes. His profile picture was not very clear, but he had an athletic build. The profile was short and simple, but we seemed to have several common interests. Family, travel and food being at the top of the list.
His introductory email was well written. He touched on many points in my profile and said he loved my sense of humour. One thing that I found odd was that he had two names on his profile. We moved to texting and then he called. Travel was one of his passions. He'd been all over the world. He was a truck driver and had seen most of Canada and the US many times over. Driving was soothing and he loved it. He was well spoken and polite. He wanted to meet and I agreed. We met for coffee.
He looked way better than his picture, even though his teeth were quite crooked. The first thing I asked about was the two names. He had a work name and the name his family and friends called him. That made sense. We had a really nice time and laughed alot. He had been married to a Portuguese woman so was well versed in large family gatherings, endless amounts of food and the beauty of Europe. Even though he loved kids, mine being so young was the only thing that concerned him. Then when I said we had a cat, that was pretty much a deal breaker. The cat was new and I had not updated my profile yet. Turns out he was deathly allergic to cats. Even at that he said he very much enjoyed my company and wasn't going to throw in the towel over an animal. The date was brief because he had to get to work, he said we'd talk soon. He walked me to my van, kissed me on the cheek, opened the door, helped me in and closed the door for me. OMG, I melted. This is what I like more than anything else. To me, this was a real man with lots of class.
The following day I called and left him a message. He was working nights so I figured he'd be sleeping and would have a nice message when he woke up. He called later that afternoon and I was surprised at his opening line:
Him: "Sorry I missed your call, I wanted to discuss our meeting yesterday. Is now a good time?"
So much for saying hello, how are you?
Me: "Yes sure."
Him: "It won't work. I didn't want to drag things out, better to be straight forward and to the point. You're a nice lady, I wish you luck with your search."
Me: "Ok, thank you. Have a great day."
OMG, I felt like a potential employer had called to tell me I didn't get the job. Even his tone of voice was completely different. He was so serious. Oh well, I appreciated his honesty.
I survived this round and made it out in much better shape than I expected. My confidence levels were slowly climbing and I was feeling less anxious about dating. These were two good dates with very nice and respectful gentlemen. Slowly but surely I would be fine. I'd take things one day at a time.
A few "Hi!" emails came in and I deleted them. If a man can't make an effort to type more than 2 letters, I wasn't going to waste my time either! The sexual solicitation emails were a common occurrence, what a turn off. My profile was very clear, actually quite harsh sounding now that I look back and read it. I defined single amoung various other terms and said I wasn't interested in one night stands or hook ups, but they wrote anyways!
Ok, I need sleep. Good luck everyone, things will get better!
Dateless in Ottawa
I unhid my profile, but not my pictures. If someone wrote and they seemed like a viable candidate, I'd send them my pictures in an email. Remaining somewhat anonymous gave me a sense of security. Hey, whatever works!
Ok, I held my breath and jumped in with both feet!
I'm always amazed at how quickly emails start to come in as soon as a profile is posted or unhidden. It's like a school of piranhas is circling the waters waiting for their next victim! Lol A couple of guys wrote that had written to me before. They were the endless emailers with no intention of meeting, so delete! I wasn't interested in pen pals, no more wasting time. The sex crazed idiots also wrote, delete, delete, delete! Things had changed, I had changed. My level of tolerance was very low. I knew what I wanted and what I needed. No more settling or being nice on the off chance I was wrong or being too picky. My gut would be my guide and if I needed help, I had plenty of friends who would be happy to help me screen profiles. The onus would fall to the men to contact me. I was done with sending introductory emails.
Round 29:
56. The Statistician
He was average height with dark hair and blue eyes. He was single, never married with no children. On his profile he described himself as an adrenaline junkie. I was exhausted after reading his profile. It sounded like he worked out 24/7! Skydiving was his drug along with various other extreme sports.
His introductory email was well written. He also spoke Spanish so after the initial exchange he emailed and texted in Spanish so he could practice. He suggested meeting soon after, but I kept putting it off. Eventually we talked on the phone. He seemed easy going and laid back. We decided to meet for coffee.
He was very polite and looked better than his picture, although shorter than I expected. We had an interesting conversation, but I didn't feel a connection. Skydiving and working out were his life, I had children and a career. We seemed to be from completely different worlds. Potential for a friendship perhaps, but even then our interests were very different and we had opposing views on family. Not once did he ask about the children which to me said he had no interest in them - deal breaker for me. Skydiving, P-90X and planning the next trip to do more skydiving were the focus of the conversation.
I thanked him for the coffee and we went our separate ways. He sent the odd text then started emailing in POF again. He asked if I'd go out for coffee again and I said yes, as friends as I didn't see potential for a relationship. He appeared angry and stopped writing. Oh well!
57. The Truck Driver
He was twice divorced with 2 grown sons. He was tall with dark hair and light eyes. His profile picture was not very clear, but he had an athletic build. The profile was short and simple, but we seemed to have several common interests. Family, travel and food being at the top of the list.
His introductory email was well written. He touched on many points in my profile and said he loved my sense of humour. One thing that I found odd was that he had two names on his profile. We moved to texting and then he called. Travel was one of his passions. He'd been all over the world. He was a truck driver and had seen most of Canada and the US many times over. Driving was soothing and he loved it. He was well spoken and polite. He wanted to meet and I agreed. We met for coffee.
He looked way better than his picture, even though his teeth were quite crooked. The first thing I asked about was the two names. He had a work name and the name his family and friends called him. That made sense. We had a really nice time and laughed alot. He had been married to a Portuguese woman so was well versed in large family gatherings, endless amounts of food and the beauty of Europe. Even though he loved kids, mine being so young was the only thing that concerned him. Then when I said we had a cat, that was pretty much a deal breaker. The cat was new and I had not updated my profile yet. Turns out he was deathly allergic to cats. Even at that he said he very much enjoyed my company and wasn't going to throw in the towel over an animal. The date was brief because he had to get to work, he said we'd talk soon. He walked me to my van, kissed me on the cheek, opened the door, helped me in and closed the door for me. OMG, I melted. This is what I like more than anything else. To me, this was a real man with lots of class.
The following day I called and left him a message. He was working nights so I figured he'd be sleeping and would have a nice message when he woke up. He called later that afternoon and I was surprised at his opening line:
Him: "Sorry I missed your call, I wanted to discuss our meeting yesterday. Is now a good time?"
So much for saying hello, how are you?
Me: "Yes sure."
Him: "It won't work. I didn't want to drag things out, better to be straight forward and to the point. You're a nice lady, I wish you luck with your search."
Me: "Ok, thank you. Have a great day."
OMG, I felt like a potential employer had called to tell me I didn't get the job. Even his tone of voice was completely different. He was so serious. Oh well, I appreciated his honesty.
I survived this round and made it out in much better shape than I expected. My confidence levels were slowly climbing and I was feeling less anxious about dating. These were two good dates with very nice and respectful gentlemen. Slowly but surely I would be fine. I'd take things one day at a time.
A few "Hi!" emails came in and I deleted them. If a man can't make an effort to type more than 2 letters, I wasn't going to waste my time either! The sexual solicitation emails were a common occurrence, what a turn off. My profile was very clear, actually quite harsh sounding now that I look back and read it. I defined single amoung various other terms and said I wasn't interested in one night stands or hook ups, but they wrote anyways!
Ok, I need sleep. Good luck everyone, things will get better!
Dateless in Ottawa
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