Hello All,
Sorry to leave you hanging. Life and work got busy which meant there was no time for me to write!
Will slowly make it a point to post more regularly. I still have a few more stories to add from 2017. As for 2018, the online dating scene was very quiet with the exception of one gentleman I had met about 4 years ago that reappeared. You'll have to stay tuned for an update.
It's interesting living with teenagers. They are slowly getting into the dating scene and we have the most amazing conversations. Lucky for them they don't need to use online dating. College and university pretty much guarantee they will be surrounded by hundreds if not thousands of individuals with similar interests and likes who are relatively to their age. My kids are thoroughly entertained by my dating experiences. I think my daughters are slowly starting to understand that it's ok for Mom to date and it's also a good thing. It means I'll be out more so they can have their friends over and not feel awkward cause Mom is home. My son on the other hand, has never had an issue with me dating. He always says he wants me to be happy and not be alone. Funny how him and his friends love having me around. Apparently of all the Moms I'm the coolest and most down to earth. No matter what time day or night, I'm there to pick them up. I get invited along when they go to the movies or out for a bite, they are too funny. They also feel comfortable talking to me about anything and everything. A bit scary at times, but I'd rather they tell me everything no matter how bad it is. I want them to be respectful, kind, productive and successful law abiding citizens. Friendships and dating provide great lessons on social interactions. I always tell my kids, treat others the way you want to be treated.
Teenagers and dating:
So I went out for dinner with my 3 oldest. It's nice we can all hang out, have great food and laugh. More often than not, they are laughing at me but it's all good.
At the restaurant, we were seated next to a couple. I noticed right away they were on a date and decided to test my teens to see how observant they are.
Me: Ok guys, the couple next to us. Are they friends, an item or on a date? And justify your answer.
Son: They're friends, they look comfortable and the way he's dressed no way he's on a date.
Girl #1: I'm not sure, they could be friends.
Girl #2: Probably a couple, I don't know.
Me: Pay attention to the conversation, what other things do you notice?
Things I had noticed:
- She had a ring on her wedding ring finger and he was so not her husband.
- She was well put together, even though they appeared to have just come back from skiing or a hike.
- There were awkward pauses during the conversation, it was very obvious to me they didn't know each other that well based on the questions they were asking each other.
As we enjoyed our dinner, the kids paid attention and slowly elaborated on their answers.
Son: Yeah, I think they're friends. She's talking to him about her kids, she wouldn't do that on a date.
Girl #1: Oh, it's totally a date. Look how he's staring at her.
Girl #2: I think they're friends or maybe they are a couple.
Me: If they were friends or a couple, wouldn't he know all about the kids already? She's going into details about the kids' personalities, what they like and their behaviour.
Son: Oh wait, that's true.
Me: When you look at them, what do you see?
Girl #2: He looks like a slob compared to her. Her hair is nice and she put make-up and jewellery on. A bit over dressed for a casual date if they were skiing.
Girl #1: No, I still think they're friends. She wouldn't feel comfortable talking to him about her kids otherwise.
I couldn't stop laughing, but they were still way off.
Son: Ok Mom, so what are you thinking?
Me: Totally a date, no doubt. A friend, boyfriend or husband would know all about her kids already. It's not like she's a talking about something that happened today or a specific incident. She's describing her kids in detail, talking about their ages, personalities and what they like. She also mentioned they weren't thrilled about her dating.
Girl #1: Wow, you're really observant.
Me: What else do you notice? Just pay attention.
Our food arrived so we focused on enjoying our dinner while observing the couple. The evening became more and more interesting. It was like having free live entertainment.
Son: OMG so she's so high maintenance and can't stop talking about herself.
Girl #1: Oh geez, you were right Mom. She's talking about how she's divorced.
Me: What else do you notice? Anything unusual? Their hands?
Girl #2: She's wearing a ring, wait maybe they're engaged?
Me: That's not an engagement ring, mind you these days anything goes.
The couple finished their dinner and ordered more drinks and dessert. The gentleman asked to see her hand and we all started laughing. I guess he hadn't noticed the ring earlier. The woman was going on about how she wears the ring because it makes her feel more confident and secure. But she doesn't need anyone and has no issues going out or travelling alone unlike her ex-husband. I burst out laughing!
Girl #2: Mom, how did you know?
Me: Not uncommon for women to wear a ring if they want to give the impression they are taken or married. Doesn't always work, some guys will still try.
Girl #1: Really? Have you ever done that?
Me: Yes.
He kept trying to hold her hand and she kept pulling it away. It was obvious he was smitten and she was not.
Son: Won't last, she doesn't seem too impressed. She almost looks annoyed.
Girl #1: Yeah totally, she keeps taking her hand away.
And thus ended their first Dating Course: Observations 101.
We had an awesome dinner and great entertainment. My kids learned that body language speaks volumes. If someone appears to be uncomfortable, you don't continue to do things that are causing them to feel this way. With this couple, he should've stopped taking her hand as it was blatantly obvious when she kept pulling it away that she didn't want him to hold it. Never make someone feel uncomfortable, when in doubt ask!
Respect is key. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Sadly in this day and age it doesn't take much to "cross the line." I tell my kids, err on the side of caution. Respect other people's personal space. No means no, be very careful.
How to dress for a date is also important. They were at an upper scale restaurant. She was well put together, he was dressed way too casual and his hair was a mess. Always put your best foot forward. You only get one chance to make a good first impression.
At least he picked up the tab, helped her with her coat even though she insisted she had it and opened the door for her. Chivalry is extremely important. I can't stress this enough to my kids.
Stay tuned for more online dating stories and my efforts at trying to educate my kids to better prepare them for the wonderful world of dating!
Dateless in Ottawa
