My have times changed. Some may not appreciate this post. Yes, I'm angry and frustrated and need to vent. When did it become acceptable and common place for men in their forties and fifties to be living off of their parents? Or what about those living off of social assistance or disability benefits? Don't get me wrong, we do have social and disability programs in place to help those that need it. Anyone can fall on hard times or sustain an injury at work and need some help, but when it's gone on for countless years with no effort to go back to school to learn new skills, look for work or they are not following any kind of treatment program (whether medical or otherwise) in an effort to improve their physical or mental health, in my opinion they are abusing the system. Even worse when they brag about it and provide me with tips on how to prolong it. Are you kidding me??? Is that suppose to make you more appealing to me? The fact that you are not working is bad enough, not to mention you lied about having a job, do you need to make it worse? Trust me, you need to quit while you're behind. These programs are intended to be temporary to help you through a rough patch, kind of like a bridge loan. They are not to be used indefinitely by those that are able and capable of working. I'm floored at how many men I communicate with online who state in their online dating profiles they are employed or have a career/profession, but after exchanging a few emails or having a telephone conversation I quickly discover they are actually not working and many haven't worked in years! Do they not understand the question or what it means to be gainfully employed, have a job, a career, a profession or work? You'd think this would be a very simple yes or no question. Either you're working and collecting a pay cheque or not. If you're retired or independently wealthy, that's a different story.
It's extremely difficult to accept the excuses provided by these men that claim to be seeking a relationship. At this stage in life, many of these men also have children. I can't imagine not being able to provide for my kids. Plus, let's be completely honest dating costs money. You don't have to spend a fortunate going out, but you do have to have some money to take your date our for coffee or a movie. Having friends with severe medical limitation like being 100% blind or having full blown MS that work full-time and refuse to apply for benefits because they feel they would be abusing the system makes these men look even worse.
What happened to self-pride, having a strong work ethic, success and a feeling of accomplishment? Being able to say, "I did it myself." "My hard work has paid off." I know everyone is different and levels of resiliency vary, but it's very scary when these able individuals hang off the skirt/coat tales of their parents or cry victim because they worked under the table, got hurt and now have no benefits and somehow this is society's fault. Quite the burden to put on aging parents who have worked their entire lives. The sense of entitlement and attitude makes me furious. They show no guilt and there's no sense of urgency. Very sad and what a negative example for their children. These guys seem to be looking for a sugar mommy to further supplement their existence. No thanks, I'll pass. My guy friends tell me similar stories about women they meet online.
Saying you are "between jobs" is a more fancy and positive way of spinning the fact that you are unemployed. In some cases this is true, I've lived it myself. Life is full of surprises, anyone can lose their job at any time. Job security is a luxury that no longer exists. Sadly this does not appear to be the case with men using online dating. The last six guys in a row that I've communicated with have not been working for periods exceeding as much as 5 years. How long is a reasonable period of time that qualifies one as being between jobs? 6 months, a year, 5 years? Yes companies shut down or downsize, but in my opinion, beggars can't be choosers. If you truly want to work, you will find a job. Available jobs may not be as appealing or prestigious as what you once had, they may not pay as well either, but you take what you can get and continue to look for something better. Between jobs implies you are looking for work, these guys are doing no such thing. Way easier to live off of others or benefit programs all the while complaining and/or bragging about it.
Given how complex and confusing work related terminology appears to be, perhaps we need to review a couple of definitions to clarify so that everyone is on the same page. How I wish I could post this on the online dating site!
According to the Business Dictionary:
Employed: persons who are employed full-time or part-time during a specified payroll period. Temporary employees and those on paid-leave are included in this definition.
Gainful employment: employment situation where the employee receives consistent work and payment from the employer.
Job: a group of homogeneous tasks related by similarity of functions. When performed by an employee in an exchange for pay, a job consists of duties, responsibilities, and tasks (performance elements) that are (1) defined and specific, and (2) can be accomplished, quantified, measured, and rated.
According to Wikipedia:
Gainful employment: refers to an employment situation where the employee receives steady work and payment from the employer.
According to the Free Dictionary:
Gainful employment: a job that allows self-sufficiency. Gainful employment usually (but not always) implies work in a white collar or skilled blue collar position.
Career: a chosen pursuit; a profession or occupation.
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
Job: a) a regular remunerative position;
b) the work that a person does regularly to earn money.
Work: to perform work or fulfill duties regularly for wages or salary.
Occupation: the work that a person does.
According to the Online Dictionary:
Work: having paid employment.
Occupation: a job or profession.
Between jobs: it means that a person is currently unemployed — having quit, been fired, or laid off from his or her previous job, or the previous job was temporary and has now ended — and the person has not yet found a new job.
Unemployed: a person without a paid job, but available to work.
According to the Collins Dictionary:
Career: the job or profession that someone does for a long period of their life. Your career is the part of your life that you spend working.
According to Dictionary.com:
Occupation: a person's usual or principal work or business, especially as a means of earning a living; vocation.
According to the MacMillan Dictionary:
Between jobs: if someone is between jobs, they do not have a job at the moment but are actively looking for one.
According to the Cambridge English Dictionary:
Unemployed: not having a job that provides money.
If the above definitions are not clear enough, do a Google search. Chances are if you're not getting a pay cheque every couple of weeks, you should answer "NO" to being employed or having a job. At the end of the day, be honest. Sooner or later, the truth always comes out so there's no point in lying. As it relates to a relationship, personally I want someone that can contribute, who at the very least can manage his own expenses. It's a partnership and team work. I have 4 kids. If I wanted another dependent, I'd have another kid!
Be careful and ask lots of questions. Don't believe everything you read on an online dating profile. At this rate, I may have to start asking for a guy's last 3 pay stubs and a copy of his previous year's tax return!
Dateless in Ottawa
