Predators come in all shapes and sizes. The ones I've interacted with seem to have very similar characteristics. My list won't be fool proof, at the end of the day follow your gut. As I've said many times before, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!
Of the 4 or 5 predators I've had the pleasure of corresponding with, these are the trends I have identified:
1. All of them claimed to be engineers. Unfortunate to paint all engineers with the same paint brush, but we can't change the facts. I guess this being a white collar profession, they want to appear to have a successful career and lots of money. Kind of hypocritical since soon after corresponding with you they ask for money!!!
2. Half of them claimed to be widowers. Their wives died of cancer. This is how they play their sympathy card. Poor lonely widower searching for love.
3. Each of them had a sob story in addition to having lost their wives. One lost his son to a car accident at the age of 5, another lost both parents also in a car accident leaving him and his sister orphaned and one lost his parents who had him much later in life. This further sucks you into feeling even more sorry for them.
4. They claim to be new to online dating and never having used it before, at least this was the case with all the ones that contacted me. What a coincidence!
5. Pictures look flawless and they make it a point to show off their toys. Convertible cars, exotic locations, fancy houses, designer clothing, jewelry, watches....you get the picture. Once again, they give you the impression that they live in the lap of luxury, then try to hit you up for money to buy a plane ticket or in one case Bit Coins to buy research journals???
6. They don't have any immediate family living close by, if they even have any living relatives. Everyone seems to live in other countries on the other side of the world. Some claim to be too busy building a career or move around too much to have time for friends.
7. They tend to delete or hide their profiles and claim it is due to being private and wanting to protect their professional image and reputation. Yeah sure, you mean hide so that all the women don't find your profile and see when you're online?
8. They ask you to remove your profile as you've found "the one" and don't need to search any further. This ensures you stop going online to see the changes they make to their profiles as they continue to troll for other victims.
9. If you're smart, you keep your profile active and continue to search until you've met "the one" in person and you mutually decide to remove your profiles. At least this is what I recommend you do! Eventually if you don't delete your profile, you'll notice their profile has been changed if they don't block you which has also happened to me. Pictures are added or changed, details are different, their city changes, interests change and the list goes on and on.
10. You'll notice most of their interests are identical or very similar to yours when you first look at their profile. This allows them to convince you that you've found your match since you like all the same things. What a coincidence, it's a match made in heaven. It's meant to be!!!! It couldn't be more perfect. Yeah right, all perfectly planned and orchestrated to further suck you in if they haven't already.
11. Within a couple of interactions by email or text, they profess their undying love for you. They also miss you terribly. Thank goodness for online dating otherwise they never would have met you. What an incredible connection, who would've known?
12. They send long flattering emails just oozing with love and compliments. You many even get poems, lyrics from songs and long winded professions of love. Chances are if you Google them, you'll see they've copied and pasted them from other sites, but will argue they are their words because you've inspired them. Sure, move over Shakespeare!
13. They seem to have difficulty answering the simplest of questions. One guy couldn't tell me his name. It was several emails over a couple of weeks before he finally figured out what his name was. Even simple things like where they live, what school they went to or what their background is. Others give you names that don't fit with their cultural background. I know parents can pick the oddest of names, but there's a fine line.
14. John seems to be a very popular name, go figure! Good old John Doe. There have also been 2 Mikes. And I find last names tend to be stolen from popular companies or celebrities. Fuller, Boeing, Allen, you get the idea. If you do a Google search of their name and nothing comes up, chances are they don't exist. In this day and age, most people have social media accounts. Although hard wired home phone lines are slowly disappearing, you will still find some people through 411 directories and a multitude of other databases. Big Brother is watching and it is becoming increasingly difficult to hide. Huge red flag if nothing comes up on a Google search.
15. When they don't seem to know what their profession is, very telling that they aren't being honest when their answer doesn't match what was written on their profile. How does one go from military to petro-chemical engineer? I love it when they say I misunderstood. No, they mean when they screwed up and couldn't remember what they wrote on their profile.
16. They keep changing their cell number or go several days without contacting you claiming they are too busy at work or have visitors. They may also be trying to contact you and leaving messages at odd hours when they know you are not available. What does this mean? Chances are they are very married and intentionally making sure you don't connect so they can tell you how hard they've been trying to reach you. All this effort is supposed to prove how much they love you.
17. When you call their cell phone, the voice message is not set-up. Often times they don't even have a generic message either. The message might be cut off or there is simply static and the beep. They will claim there is a problem with the phone and they can't seem to fix it or insist it is fine must be your phone.
18. In two cases, the guys were wearing wedding rings in their profile pictures. When questioned, they danced around with their answers and claimed it was out of respect for their late wife. Sure, except she died 5 years ago and you claimed you had lived with someone else for 2 years so highly unlikely you'd still be wearing your wedding band after living with someone else. Another just kept changing the subject and removed the picture from his profile.
19. Often times in most if not all of their profile pictures they are wearing sunglasses. This allows them to remain somewhat anonymous as you can't fully see what they look like. When I asked one of them to send me another picture without sunglasses, he claimed that his eyes were extremely sensitive to light so he always wore sunglasses. Indoors in low light???
20. They ask for pictures of your vehicle(s). Whatever you do, don't send any pictures with your licence plates. The last thing you want to do is provide any details or information that will give them the ability to access more of your personal information. For that matter, don't sent any of your identification, SIN number or any other sensitive information. Be smart and protect yourself. Identity theft is also on the rise so be careful what information you provide people you don't know.
21. They want to know whether you own a house, vehicles, cottage, boats and other items. Don't send pictures of your home or neighbourhood with distinguishing land marks. What difference does that make? They are trying to size you up and determine your worth based on your assets. Don't provide details or information on values. Same applies to your bank accounts and investments. It's none of their business what you have and highly inappropriate to be asking such personal questions so quickly when you don't know them.
22. They come up with very creative answers to questions they were previously unable to answer or keep building on stories, but then suddenly details change and they tell you you're confused or deny having told you that. At times when you ask questions they get mad and tell you to change the subject as they are having a bad day. This translates into, "Oh shit, this one is smarter than I expected and I need to better prepare before I talk to her."
23. As time goes on, their project keeps getting extended so this further delays your ability to meet in person. They are very apologetic and they miss you terribly, but all of a sudden a further obstacle! Their wallet is lost, project is extended yet again, passport is stolen, something is damaged due to an act of God and whatever other stories they come up with. Soon after, you get the sob story about how they are stuck and too embarrassed to enlist the help of loved ones or close friends. Given your strong bond and love, you are in a better position to help and they will pay you back as soon as they get home. They can be very creative and will get angry and try to make you feel guilty when you refuse or question some of the details that don't make sense.
These are just a few signs, I'm sure there are many more and I'll keep adding to my list as I think of more or get them from friends. Many married men will use the same tactics. Be aware ladies and don't ignore the signs or your gut feelings. If you witness this behaviour, proceed with caution. Don't send anyone banking information or money. Verify and get proof of who they are, if it can't be confirmed cut all ties. Don't let your emotions and their bullying get the better of you. Talk to your friends and family, highly unlikely they will tell you to send money. Listen to them as they are not emotionally invested, truly care about you and are looking at the situation from outside of the box. You many not see the inconsistencies, but they will. Don't be embarrassed, who doesn't want to feel loved and needed? Just make sure you're with the person live and not communicating endlessly via text, phone and email. Actions speak louder than words, make him work for it!
A Few Facts and Things to Consider:
1. If someone needs money, you can use Western Union or send money via PayPal to an email address. The same applies to online banking, all you need is an email address to send an interact transfer. Do not provide your banking information or even the name of the bank you deal with to anyone.
2. No point in buying an airline ticket if you've lost your passport. You won't be allowed to fly without a passport. Tell them to go to their consulate for assistance, don't get involved.
3. If you lose your credit card, the credit card company will send you a replacement. Don't fall for this lie or provide your credit card number to a stranger. If this guy's bank accounts and credit cards are frozen, chances are you don't need him and his financial problems in your life. Run and don't look back!!!
I'm sorry to sound so negative, but sadly many people get sucked in and robbed blind. Someone who truly loves you would never put you in such a compromising position or steal from you. After all, you haven't even met in person. I suppose in some cases you might meet briefly then all of sudden they have to leave to work abroad, but even then be very, very careful. In my experience, they all claimed to be away working when they made contact. If they are in fact an engineer, own convertibles and properties it's highly unlikely they need your money. Some food for thought!
Refer to the facts above and think twice!
Dateless in Ottawa
Saturday 15 December 2018
Sunday 9 December 2018
Online daters beware! Another predator, they come in all different shapes and sizes!
My inspiration for these posts was hearing other women's stories. Sadly some believe the lies and lose their money along with their self esteem. Ladies, don't get sucked in.
A couple of years ago there was a guy that started writing. Once again, great profile. The introductory email was funny and engaging. He was a bit older than me, widowed with children and lived in Montreal. He was an engineer (surprise, surprise!). Given he lived in Montreal, I wasn't interested in a long distance relationship and made that clear. We emailed on POF for a couple of weeks. He said he was originally from the UK. His wife had passed away and his daughter had left to attend university in Italy. His son was killed in a car accident when he was 5 years old. His family was all overseas, so he had no issues commuting or relocating. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but took what he said with a grain of salt. With no other prospects on the horizon, I could kill some time and who knows. We have to try to remain hopeful and positive with an open mind.
We moved to texting then spoke on the phone. Suddenly he announced he wouldn't be able to meet for a while because he was currently working on a project in the UK. Ok, first red flag now I was on alert. He was building a seniors residence outside of London. The project was due to be completed before Christmas. Then he sent pictures of himself in a convertible that conveniently showed his Rolex watch. At this point, he lost me. All the signs of a player were there. He sent endless emails which were all copy paste from sites for men trying to take advantage of women. I was shocked when these sites came up. Amazing what you can find on the internet! He insisted he had composed them himself. Yeah sure.
Of course he professed his undying love and devotion. During periods of time when he didn't call or email, he claimed his daughter was visiting from Italy and he was busy showing her around. So much for working 20 hour days because the project was behind schedule and then a storm damaged the building. Not to mention school was not on break in Italy so highly unlikely his daughter was in the UK. Handy to have family and friends around the world that you can contact to confirm details. This guy was totally married. He seemed to keep losing his cell phone, changed the number 4 times in less than 2 months!
Then the kicker, he wrote to say that because the final payment for his contract exceeded $300K, the bank in London had frozen his accounts pending him providing his business registration and work visa documents. He'd have to come home to Montreal to get them and with all of his accounts frozen, he needed money. Funny because he had previously mentioned he had an open ticket to come home as soon as the project was done. It pays to keep track of details and write them down!
My response? "Given your profession and the fact that you have a company, I highly doubt you would only have one bank account and no credit cards. How would a bank in the UK freeze all of your Canadian accounts? Not possible. Even if your business account is frozen, you would have access to funds elsewhere and your personal accounts. You mentioned your brother lives in the US, why wouldn't you contact him for assistance? Oh and you have an open ticket so no issue getting home. You can figure out your banking stuff when you get back to Montreal."
He was not happy and claimed I didn't understand how international contracts worked. I told him I had a law degree and did some research. Out of curiosity, I had logged into POF and found his profile. He had told me he had deleted it after he started communicating with me. Sure, what a liar. Now the profile stated he lived in British Columbia and he had added more pictures. When I confronted him, he got angry.
Him: "How dare you go into POF to look for other men. We're a couple. How am I supposed to trust you? I don't have time for this bullshit."
Me: "How dare you lie and copy paste emails from online sites. Trust me? You mean I can't trust you. Now you live in Vancouver? What happened to Montreal?"
Him: "Not that it's any of your business nor do I have to explain myself to you, but I lent my POF profile to a friend."
Me: "Are you kidding me? Is that the best story you can come up with? Lent your profile? Funny, so your friend looks identical to you, is widowed, has kids and is also an engineer? What a coincidence? You're a horrible liar and I don't need this shit. It takes all of 5 minutes to create a profile and your friend had to borrow yours? Oh, so I guess you let him know every time there's a new email since the email address linked to the account would be yours? Which means you log in there regularly and you're pissed at me and accuse me of not being trust worthy? Go look in the mirror, the person looking back at you is the lying cheat. Best of luck with your search!"
Unreal! Women, please I beg you to be cautious. Don't fall for these predators. Write things down, keep track, do some research, ask questions and request proof. If you can't verify and confirm what he's telling you, chances are it's all lies. Meet him in person first!!!
Sadly the friend of a friend met a guy online, again he was an engineer working on a project in Malaysia. They fell in love and would move in together when he got back home. Yeah sure. Everyone warned her to be careful, not to be so trusting of someone she hadn't met in person. Don't rush, wait until he gets back before you get too invested. The project kept getting extended. Several weeks into the conversation, he had lost his wallet and passport. Begged her for help to buy a new airline ticket, he'd pay her back as soon as he got home. She fell for it and sent him $5,000.00. Surprise, surprise, she never heard from him again. All the phone numbers and email accounts were deleted and he disappeared. She was devastated.
Be careful and don't believe anything a stranger tells you.
Dateless in Ottawa
A couple of years ago there was a guy that started writing. Once again, great profile. The introductory email was funny and engaging. He was a bit older than me, widowed with children and lived in Montreal. He was an engineer (surprise, surprise!). Given he lived in Montreal, I wasn't interested in a long distance relationship and made that clear. We emailed on POF for a couple of weeks. He said he was originally from the UK. His wife had passed away and his daughter had left to attend university in Italy. His son was killed in a car accident when he was 5 years old. His family was all overseas, so he had no issues commuting or relocating. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but took what he said with a grain of salt. With no other prospects on the horizon, I could kill some time and who knows. We have to try to remain hopeful and positive with an open mind.
We moved to texting then spoke on the phone. Suddenly he announced he wouldn't be able to meet for a while because he was currently working on a project in the UK. Ok, first red flag now I was on alert. He was building a seniors residence outside of London. The project was due to be completed before Christmas. Then he sent pictures of himself in a convertible that conveniently showed his Rolex watch. At this point, he lost me. All the signs of a player were there. He sent endless emails which were all copy paste from sites for men trying to take advantage of women. I was shocked when these sites came up. Amazing what you can find on the internet! He insisted he had composed them himself. Yeah sure.
Of course he professed his undying love and devotion. During periods of time when he didn't call or email, he claimed his daughter was visiting from Italy and he was busy showing her around. So much for working 20 hour days because the project was behind schedule and then a storm damaged the building. Not to mention school was not on break in Italy so highly unlikely his daughter was in the UK. Handy to have family and friends around the world that you can contact to confirm details. This guy was totally married. He seemed to keep losing his cell phone, changed the number 4 times in less than 2 months!
Then the kicker, he wrote to say that because the final payment for his contract exceeded $300K, the bank in London had frozen his accounts pending him providing his business registration and work visa documents. He'd have to come home to Montreal to get them and with all of his accounts frozen, he needed money. Funny because he had previously mentioned he had an open ticket to come home as soon as the project was done. It pays to keep track of details and write them down!
My response? "Given your profession and the fact that you have a company, I highly doubt you would only have one bank account and no credit cards. How would a bank in the UK freeze all of your Canadian accounts? Not possible. Even if your business account is frozen, you would have access to funds elsewhere and your personal accounts. You mentioned your brother lives in the US, why wouldn't you contact him for assistance? Oh and you have an open ticket so no issue getting home. You can figure out your banking stuff when you get back to Montreal."
He was not happy and claimed I didn't understand how international contracts worked. I told him I had a law degree and did some research. Out of curiosity, I had logged into POF and found his profile. He had told me he had deleted it after he started communicating with me. Sure, what a liar. Now the profile stated he lived in British Columbia and he had added more pictures. When I confronted him, he got angry.
Him: "How dare you go into POF to look for other men. We're a couple. How am I supposed to trust you? I don't have time for this bullshit."
Me: "How dare you lie and copy paste emails from online sites. Trust me? You mean I can't trust you. Now you live in Vancouver? What happened to Montreal?"
Him: "Not that it's any of your business nor do I have to explain myself to you, but I lent my POF profile to a friend."
Me: "Are you kidding me? Is that the best story you can come up with? Lent your profile? Funny, so your friend looks identical to you, is widowed, has kids and is also an engineer? What a coincidence? You're a horrible liar and I don't need this shit. It takes all of 5 minutes to create a profile and your friend had to borrow yours? Oh, so I guess you let him know every time there's a new email since the email address linked to the account would be yours? Which means you log in there regularly and you're pissed at me and accuse me of not being trust worthy? Go look in the mirror, the person looking back at you is the lying cheat. Best of luck with your search!"
Unreal! Women, please I beg you to be cautious. Don't fall for these predators. Write things down, keep track, do some research, ask questions and request proof. If you can't verify and confirm what he's telling you, chances are it's all lies. Meet him in person first!!!
Sadly the friend of a friend met a guy online, again he was an engineer working on a project in Malaysia. They fell in love and would move in together when he got back home. Yeah sure. Everyone warned her to be careful, not to be so trusting of someone she hadn't met in person. Don't rush, wait until he gets back before you get too invested. The project kept getting extended. Several weeks into the conversation, he had lost his wallet and passport. Begged her for help to buy a new airline ticket, he'd pay her back as soon as he got home. She fell for it and sent him $5,000.00. Surprise, surprise, she never heard from him again. All the phone numbers and email accounts were deleted and he disappeared. She was devastated.
Be careful and don't believe anything a stranger tells you.
Dateless in Ottawa
Tuesday 4 December 2018
Online Daters Beware!!! Don't send money or banking info to people you meet online!
In this day and age, very sad that many people get taken advantage of and used. The web and computers have made it even easier for predators. This doesn't just happen to women, but I'll be focusing on my experiences with men. My hope is that my post with help other women who find themselves in similar situations. Even if this only helps one woman, it will be well worth the effort as it will be one less woman who is taken advantage of.
Online dating allows users to remain anonymous. This can go on indefinitely or at least until they decide to meet another user. I think many create profiles with no intention of ever meeting anyone. They are predators simply out to make a fast buck any way they can. They create a character that they believe will be appealing to women.
Characteristics:
Great profile pictures
Fancy cars
Tropical destinations
White collar professions (engineer seems to be a very popular choice)
Very well written profiles
Tall, attractive, in great shape
Expensive taste
Designer clothing, watches...
Charming, full of flattery
Here's the story of one of the predators I met online.
The Petrochemical Engineer
He sent a very flattering introductory email on POF. Complimentary, but polite. The profile was well written. Low and behold, he had many similar interests to mine. Single, looking for a relationship, even lives in the same city and claims to have found what he's been searching for in me. He quickly moved to texting, but used an odd app I had never heard of. That was the first red flag.
Conversations went well, although he didn't answer some of my questions. Suddenly he has a sob story. His parents died in a tragic accident he was then taken in by an uncle and worked hard to become an engineer. Lived in the US now in Canada. Previous girlfriends all cheated. Tired of games, wants something serious and forever. Sends texts that are very obviously copy pasted and sure enough when I Googled them, that was confirmed.
He sent me pics of himself in his BMW sports car in an exotic location and goes on about how he's going to buy a Lambourgini or Range Rover sport when he gets back home. He brags about his work and the various contracts he has. Currently he's away on a 2 month contract, but will be home soon to spend quality time with me. He asks a bit about my family, background and work. The texts become less frequent, almost like he's sending them at odd hours when he knows I'm not available then apologizes for being busy. His work is very stressful and he works long hours.
He claims to love me and miss me. When I question how he can love and miss someone he's never met, he says it's because we've had great conversations and an instant connection. It's not hard to fall in love when everything is right. My response to him was "Sure, ok." He wasn't pleased. We hadn't even talked on the phone so not sure what conversations he was referring to.
Then out of the blue, he talks about not having enough bitcoins to purchase his research journals and how important they are to his work. He can't get any on the Hibernia oil rig he's currently working on off the coast of Newfoundland. Maybe he can send me some money so I can buy him the bitcoins he needs to purchase the research journals. I told him to down load the journals using Google or use a credit card. According to him that doesn't work, they can only be purchased with bitcoins and there's no bitcoin ATM on the rig. Another red flag.
He goes on to insist I provide him with my banking information. I purposely kept dancing around the conversation. He said online banking was a great thing and he needed the research journals for his work. I argued I don't use online banking due to having been hacked a few times. I'd much rather go to the bank in person and deal with a teller. He got angry and insisted I needed to use computers and technology to manage my banking and financial affairs as it is faster, easier and less stressful. I insisted that for me, dealing with live people is far more enjoyable and not the least bit stressful compared to computers and technology.
This really frustrated him and he kept asking me what bank I use. I quickly ended the conversation. I told him I was on my way to meet up with friends, we'd talk some other time. Haven't heard from him again since. It was very obvious all he wanted was money and quickly realized he wasn't going to fool this chick.
OMG, I sat and laughed. Pretty much from the beginning something seemed really off, but I played along. In the back of my mind I won't lie, I was hoping he'd prove me wrong. Maybe my bad experiences with online dating have jaded me too much and he was going to show me real, honest and kind men still exist. A couple of days later when I signed into POF, he had deleted everything. This is pretty much a tell tail sign someone is trying to cover his tracks. Usually when a user deletes his profile, the emails still remain at least the ones I sent. He went to the trouble of deleting all the emails too!
Signs he was a fake:
- He didn't answer all of my questions or took too long to answer basic questions. How difficult is it to remember things like where do you live? Do you have any siblings? Where did you go to school?
- Google searches of his name turned up nothing. The name also didn't fit his background or family heritage of Norway. The name he used was John Fuller. Could he be any more generic?
- He was suddenly away working on an oil rig. No indication on the profile he travelled or went away for work. This only turned up several days into texting out of the blue when I suggested meeting. Could he pick a more remote location?
- According to his profile he worked for the military. When I asked if he was army, navy or airforce, he seemed confused. He couldn't understand why I was asking him this, until I mentioned it was on his profile. Suddenly he was an engineer working on an oil rig in the Hibernia oil field. He tried to back pedal and said the military contracted his services. Seemed shocked I was familiar with the oil field and where it was. Some of my random bits of knowledge come in very handy at unexpected moments! The rig is run by the world's largest petroleum companies, not national defence, but whatever I could let that one go as govt can be involved in all kinds of projects and complicated.
- Fancy cars do nothing for me, in fact when someone flaunts them I find it a major turn off. He seemed shocked at my reaction then said he'd buy whatever vehicle I wanted because his woman had to be happy. Sure. The pic with the BMW was not taken in Canada, guys should pay attention to the background when sending or posting pics. A Lambourgini in Ottawa during Winter? Are you kidding me??? He was done at that point.
- The details he provided kept changing. He was on a 2 month contract, then it was a 30 day contract. He was there to find ways to refine the crude oil by applying technology, then he was there as a research analyst.
- Confidence is sexy, arrogance a major turn off.
- A bitcoin ATM? Is he for real?
- The icing on the cake - He wanted my banking info. This was a huge red flag. If you want to send me an online banking transfer all you need is my email address. I wonder how many people actually know this? PayPal is another option which again does not require any banking details.
Perhaps my work, studies, all my wonderful online dating escapades and random knowledge helped me identify inconsistencies and question them, thereby saving myself from being sucked in and taken advantage of. Someone else would have totally believed everything, never challenged him, provided their banking information and had their savings wiped out. So many people long to be loved so desperately, that they fall victim to these predators who know what to say, how to say it and when to say. They play with your heart strings and stroke your ego to fool you into believing they truly love you and will follow through on all of their promises. You fall in love with the idea and foolishly believe everything they tell you. You have to look no further, your knight in shining armour has arrived and he's going to love you forever. NOT! Don't allow yourself to get sucked in.
Until you have met a potential mate in person, take what they say with a grain of salt. Actions speak louder than words, don't rush and get to know them well. Fall in love over texts and emails??? Not very likely, at least not with this chick nor should any woman fall for this. Don't be afraid to ask questions, if they get mad or refuse to answer, you know they are hiding something. It's easy to sit behind a computer and write all kinds of things to make yourself sound bigger and better than you really are. Studies have proven that people are more likely to be dishonest when using online dating. They use old or inaccurate pictures, incorrectly describe themselves, don't seem to know their height or age, lie about their profession, marital status...the list goes on and on. Hard to verify anything until you meet them in person.
Please, please, please do not give anyone you don't know your banking information. Wait, as far as I'm concerned, no one should ask you for this information unless it's an employer/govt agency for direct deposit or a service provider for monthly payments. Emailing and texting for weeks or months does not mean you know the person or that you've fallen in love. If these guys are so successful, they shouldn't need to ask someone they've never met and have only been emailing and texting for a few weeks/months for money or banking information. This should be a huge red flag! Even offering to send you money to buy them things makes no sense. How have they managed all these years without you? Ever heard of online shopping??? Surely they have family, close friends, co-workers and business contacts. If this so called engineer needed the research journals for his work, why didn't he bring them with him from home or make arrangements through work? In this day and age we have the internet so any information you could possibly need is at your finger tips! With a credit card or PayPal account you can buy pretty much anything so why impose on a stranger?
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is! Don't allow yourself to fall victim to these predators. Imagine how many people fall for these lies and wind up losing everything. Even if only 1 in 10 women get sucked in, these guys are still ahead and keep doing it. Easy way to get money if you play your cards right and convince these women who are desperate to be loved to believe your stories.
I have guy friends that have been taken advantage of by women also. Predators come in both sexes and don't discriminate. Again, be smart. Ask questions, have them provide proof and meet them in person. Good grief, I'm going to have to start asking them to show me identification. It will have to be government issued with a picture like their driver's license, passport or work id card in an effort to weed out the con artists!
Be careful. Stay tuned for more stories about the predators I've met.
Dateless in Ottawa
Online dating allows users to remain anonymous. This can go on indefinitely or at least until they decide to meet another user. I think many create profiles with no intention of ever meeting anyone. They are predators simply out to make a fast buck any way they can. They create a character that they believe will be appealing to women.
Characteristics:
Great profile pictures
Fancy cars
Tropical destinations
White collar professions (engineer seems to be a very popular choice)
Very well written profiles
Tall, attractive, in great shape
Expensive taste
Designer clothing, watches...
Charming, full of flattery
Here's the story of one of the predators I met online.
The Petrochemical Engineer
He sent a very flattering introductory email on POF. Complimentary, but polite. The profile was well written. Low and behold, he had many similar interests to mine. Single, looking for a relationship, even lives in the same city and claims to have found what he's been searching for in me. He quickly moved to texting, but used an odd app I had never heard of. That was the first red flag.
Conversations went well, although he didn't answer some of my questions. Suddenly he has a sob story. His parents died in a tragic accident he was then taken in by an uncle and worked hard to become an engineer. Lived in the US now in Canada. Previous girlfriends all cheated. Tired of games, wants something serious and forever. Sends texts that are very obviously copy pasted and sure enough when I Googled them, that was confirmed.
He sent me pics of himself in his BMW sports car in an exotic location and goes on about how he's going to buy a Lambourgini or Range Rover sport when he gets back home. He brags about his work and the various contracts he has. Currently he's away on a 2 month contract, but will be home soon to spend quality time with me. He asks a bit about my family, background and work. The texts become less frequent, almost like he's sending them at odd hours when he knows I'm not available then apologizes for being busy. His work is very stressful and he works long hours.
He claims to love me and miss me. When I question how he can love and miss someone he's never met, he says it's because we've had great conversations and an instant connection. It's not hard to fall in love when everything is right. My response to him was "Sure, ok." He wasn't pleased. We hadn't even talked on the phone so not sure what conversations he was referring to.
Then out of the blue, he talks about not having enough bitcoins to purchase his research journals and how important they are to his work. He can't get any on the Hibernia oil rig he's currently working on off the coast of Newfoundland. Maybe he can send me some money so I can buy him the bitcoins he needs to purchase the research journals. I told him to down load the journals using Google or use a credit card. According to him that doesn't work, they can only be purchased with bitcoins and there's no bitcoin ATM on the rig. Another red flag.
He goes on to insist I provide him with my banking information. I purposely kept dancing around the conversation. He said online banking was a great thing and he needed the research journals for his work. I argued I don't use online banking due to having been hacked a few times. I'd much rather go to the bank in person and deal with a teller. He got angry and insisted I needed to use computers and technology to manage my banking and financial affairs as it is faster, easier and less stressful. I insisted that for me, dealing with live people is far more enjoyable and not the least bit stressful compared to computers and technology.
This really frustrated him and he kept asking me what bank I use. I quickly ended the conversation. I told him I was on my way to meet up with friends, we'd talk some other time. Haven't heard from him again since. It was very obvious all he wanted was money and quickly realized he wasn't going to fool this chick.
OMG, I sat and laughed. Pretty much from the beginning something seemed really off, but I played along. In the back of my mind I won't lie, I was hoping he'd prove me wrong. Maybe my bad experiences with online dating have jaded me too much and he was going to show me real, honest and kind men still exist. A couple of days later when I signed into POF, he had deleted everything. This is pretty much a tell tail sign someone is trying to cover his tracks. Usually when a user deletes his profile, the emails still remain at least the ones I sent. He went to the trouble of deleting all the emails too!
Signs he was a fake:
- He didn't answer all of my questions or took too long to answer basic questions. How difficult is it to remember things like where do you live? Do you have any siblings? Where did you go to school?
- Google searches of his name turned up nothing. The name also didn't fit his background or family heritage of Norway. The name he used was John Fuller. Could he be any more generic?
- He was suddenly away working on an oil rig. No indication on the profile he travelled or went away for work. This only turned up several days into texting out of the blue when I suggested meeting. Could he pick a more remote location?
- According to his profile he worked for the military. When I asked if he was army, navy or airforce, he seemed confused. He couldn't understand why I was asking him this, until I mentioned it was on his profile. Suddenly he was an engineer working on an oil rig in the Hibernia oil field. He tried to back pedal and said the military contracted his services. Seemed shocked I was familiar with the oil field and where it was. Some of my random bits of knowledge come in very handy at unexpected moments! The rig is run by the world's largest petroleum companies, not national defence, but whatever I could let that one go as govt can be involved in all kinds of projects and complicated.
- Fancy cars do nothing for me, in fact when someone flaunts them I find it a major turn off. He seemed shocked at my reaction then said he'd buy whatever vehicle I wanted because his woman had to be happy. Sure. The pic with the BMW was not taken in Canada, guys should pay attention to the background when sending or posting pics. A Lambourgini in Ottawa during Winter? Are you kidding me??? He was done at that point.
- The details he provided kept changing. He was on a 2 month contract, then it was a 30 day contract. He was there to find ways to refine the crude oil by applying technology, then he was there as a research analyst.
- Confidence is sexy, arrogance a major turn off.
- A bitcoin ATM? Is he for real?
- The icing on the cake - He wanted my banking info. This was a huge red flag. If you want to send me an online banking transfer all you need is my email address. I wonder how many people actually know this? PayPal is another option which again does not require any banking details.
Perhaps my work, studies, all my wonderful online dating escapades and random knowledge helped me identify inconsistencies and question them, thereby saving myself from being sucked in and taken advantage of. Someone else would have totally believed everything, never challenged him, provided their banking information and had their savings wiped out. So many people long to be loved so desperately, that they fall victim to these predators who know what to say, how to say it and when to say. They play with your heart strings and stroke your ego to fool you into believing they truly love you and will follow through on all of their promises. You fall in love with the idea and foolishly believe everything they tell you. You have to look no further, your knight in shining armour has arrived and he's going to love you forever. NOT! Don't allow yourself to get sucked in.
Until you have met a potential mate in person, take what they say with a grain of salt. Actions speak louder than words, don't rush and get to know them well. Fall in love over texts and emails??? Not very likely, at least not with this chick nor should any woman fall for this. Don't be afraid to ask questions, if they get mad or refuse to answer, you know they are hiding something. It's easy to sit behind a computer and write all kinds of things to make yourself sound bigger and better than you really are. Studies have proven that people are more likely to be dishonest when using online dating. They use old or inaccurate pictures, incorrectly describe themselves, don't seem to know their height or age, lie about their profession, marital status...the list goes on and on. Hard to verify anything until you meet them in person.
Please, please, please do not give anyone you don't know your banking information. Wait, as far as I'm concerned, no one should ask you for this information unless it's an employer/govt agency for direct deposit or a service provider for monthly payments. Emailing and texting for weeks or months does not mean you know the person or that you've fallen in love. If these guys are so successful, they shouldn't need to ask someone they've never met and have only been emailing and texting for a few weeks/months for money or banking information. This should be a huge red flag! Even offering to send you money to buy them things makes no sense. How have they managed all these years without you? Ever heard of online shopping??? Surely they have family, close friends, co-workers and business contacts. If this so called engineer needed the research journals for his work, why didn't he bring them with him from home or make arrangements through work? In this day and age we have the internet so any information you could possibly need is at your finger tips! With a credit card or PayPal account you can buy pretty much anything so why impose on a stranger?
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is! Don't allow yourself to fall victim to these predators. Imagine how many people fall for these lies and wind up losing everything. Even if only 1 in 10 women get sucked in, these guys are still ahead and keep doing it. Easy way to get money if you play your cards right and convince these women who are desperate to be loved to believe your stories.
I have guy friends that have been taken advantage of by women also. Predators come in both sexes and don't discriminate. Again, be smart. Ask questions, have them provide proof and meet them in person. Good grief, I'm going to have to start asking them to show me identification. It will have to be government issued with a picture like their driver's license, passport or work id card in an effort to weed out the con artists!
Be careful. Stay tuned for more stories about the predators I've met.
Dateless in Ottawa
Thursday 8 November 2018
Round 35 comes to an end!
After my Aunt went to bed, I called my guy. Even though we had just been together that night, I felt like I hadn't seen him in forever. I missed him. We talked for a while. I felt sad to be leaving Quebec City. What an adventure. My aunt had an amazing time. She got to see a city and various towns she had never been to, made a couple of new friends and most importantly, got to spend some quality time with the kids and me! Then there was my first meeting and my first date. She never could've prepared herself for that! I must say she was an awesome sport through all of it and an amazing cheerleader. We laughed so hard, I'll never forget this.
The following morning we were up early and took a taxi to the train station. The trip home was quiet and uneventful. Couldn't wait to see my babies. Dinner was ready when we got home and the kids were so happy to see me. I had only been gone 3 weeks, but they seemed to have changed so much. I took a few days off work to relax and get caught up. My aunt went back home, it was hard to say good-bye, but we'd see her in a few of weeks.
My guy came back home on the Sunday, but on his way back he called to say he'd be going to North Bay for an 8 week contract. He was going to stop at home to pack and would call me so we could meet briefly before he hit the road. It was a gorgeous day, so I packed up my girls and headed to the beach. I texted him a picture of us on the beach and told him I'd wait there until he called.
A few hours later he called and told me I wouldn't want to know where he was. This didn't sound good. When he saw the picture of me and the girls on the beach, he decided not to stop and see me. He didn't want to take me away from the girls. I was upset.
Him: "When I saw the picture, I couldn't take you away from the kids. You've been away for 3 weeks. I'll see you when I get back. Plus, I didn't want to see you for a few minutes. As if I'd be able to leave if I had you in my arms. It would've been more difficult for both of us. Enjoy your kids and the beach. I'm sorry, don't mean to hurt you. Trust me this is for the best."
I appreciated the consideration, but even 5 minutes with him would have been better than nothing. Oh well. For the next couple of weeks we talked and texted daily. We touched on a multitude of subjects and slowly got to know all about each other, the kids, work and life in general. It felt good. After we got back from holidays with family, I'd go up north for a long weekend. He was so excited.
Everyday was filled with laughter and I so looked forward to his nightly phone call. Three weeks later, that nightly phone call didn't happen. I found it odd, but they were working longer shifts so I figured he'd call when he could. The next day again, no phone call and no texts. This was out of the ordinary. I tried calling and left a message. Later on I sent a text. I went online to check the news to see if there had been an accident or maybe forest fires...who knows. I was worried. After months of talking daily this was weird.
Sadly there were no more texts or phone calls. We went on our family vacation and I never heard from him again. When we arrived at my Aunt's, the first thing she asked was, "How's -----?" I took her aside and told her he'd disappeared. I was so sad. She was shocked and told me that maybe there was a good reason or something had happened.
Aunt: "Don't give up, try one more time in a couple of days. There has to be a good reason. He seemed so genuine and sincere. He was very into you."
One by one other family members asked me the same thing. It was so hard not to break down in tears. My Aunt had filled them all in on our first meeting and first date. They were all so happy and excited for me. They couldn't wait to meet this guy. My cousin also encouraged me to call him one more time. A few days later I tried to call him again...no answer. I sent him one last text saying I hoped he was ok and wished him all the best.
It was done. A month later I mustered up the courage to log back into POF. Huge mistake! There was his profile, front and centre updated with new pictures. How could he do this? Why couldn't he be honest? Was it all lies? He had removed his profile when we started talking. Didn't take him long to throw in the towel and dive back into the pond. Why? I felt so stupid. How could I let myself fall so hard? Why do men do this? He seemed so honest and sincere. Another academy award winner.
Round 35 was officially over. Just when I thought my days of online dating had come to end. I guess there would be a round 36, but not for a while if at all. I'd have to lick my wounds while building up the strength and courage to start all over again. How demoralizing. Bye for now.
Dateless in Ottawa
The following morning we were up early and took a taxi to the train station. The trip home was quiet and uneventful. Couldn't wait to see my babies. Dinner was ready when we got home and the kids were so happy to see me. I had only been gone 3 weeks, but they seemed to have changed so much. I took a few days off work to relax and get caught up. My aunt went back home, it was hard to say good-bye, but we'd see her in a few of weeks.
My guy came back home on the Sunday, but on his way back he called to say he'd be going to North Bay for an 8 week contract. He was going to stop at home to pack and would call me so we could meet briefly before he hit the road. It was a gorgeous day, so I packed up my girls and headed to the beach. I texted him a picture of us on the beach and told him I'd wait there until he called.
A few hours later he called and told me I wouldn't want to know where he was. This didn't sound good. When he saw the picture of me and the girls on the beach, he decided not to stop and see me. He didn't want to take me away from the girls. I was upset.
Him: "When I saw the picture, I couldn't take you away from the kids. You've been away for 3 weeks. I'll see you when I get back. Plus, I didn't want to see you for a few minutes. As if I'd be able to leave if I had you in my arms. It would've been more difficult for both of us. Enjoy your kids and the beach. I'm sorry, don't mean to hurt you. Trust me this is for the best."
I appreciated the consideration, but even 5 minutes with him would have been better than nothing. Oh well. For the next couple of weeks we talked and texted daily. We touched on a multitude of subjects and slowly got to know all about each other, the kids, work and life in general. It felt good. After we got back from holidays with family, I'd go up north for a long weekend. He was so excited.
Everyday was filled with laughter and I so looked forward to his nightly phone call. Three weeks later, that nightly phone call didn't happen. I found it odd, but they were working longer shifts so I figured he'd call when he could. The next day again, no phone call and no texts. This was out of the ordinary. I tried calling and left a message. Later on I sent a text. I went online to check the news to see if there had been an accident or maybe forest fires...who knows. I was worried. After months of talking daily this was weird.
Sadly there were no more texts or phone calls. We went on our family vacation and I never heard from him again. When we arrived at my Aunt's, the first thing she asked was, "How's -----?" I took her aside and told her he'd disappeared. I was so sad. She was shocked and told me that maybe there was a good reason or something had happened.
Aunt: "Don't give up, try one more time in a couple of days. There has to be a good reason. He seemed so genuine and sincere. He was very into you."
One by one other family members asked me the same thing. It was so hard not to break down in tears. My Aunt had filled them all in on our first meeting and first date. They were all so happy and excited for me. They couldn't wait to meet this guy. My cousin also encouraged me to call him one more time. A few days later I tried to call him again...no answer. I sent him one last text saying I hoped he was ok and wished him all the best.
It was done. A month later I mustered up the courage to log back into POF. Huge mistake! There was his profile, front and centre updated with new pictures. How could he do this? Why couldn't he be honest? Was it all lies? He had removed his profile when we started talking. Didn't take him long to throw in the towel and dive back into the pond. Why? I felt so stupid. How could I let myself fall so hard? Why do men do this? He seemed so honest and sincere. Another academy award winner.
Round 35 was officially over. Just when I thought my days of online dating had come to end. I guess there would be a round 36, but not for a while if at all. I'd have to lick my wounds while building up the strength and courage to start all over again. How demoralizing. Bye for now.
Dateless in Ottawa
Thursday 1 November 2018
Round 35 continues - Hilarious First Date!
If you thought the first meeting with Mr. Heavy Equipment Operator was incredible, wait till you read about our first date! Looking back I still laugh and can't believe it happened. It was incredible to feel happy and excited for a change. There was something to look forward to and I was having fun, so was my aunt!
My aunt and I spent the day sight seeing and checked out the biggest shopping mall in the area. It was a rainy overcast day, we'd be heading home tomorrow. Don't know where the time went, but we had so much fun.
By late afternoon, it was raining hard. Our site seeing came to an abrupt end, it's not fun to walk in the pouring rain. My aunt suggested we go watch a movie then have a late dinner. Sounded great. She's the navigator and great at finding things, so her task was to find a movie and then a theater that wasn't too far away. Sure enough, she found one so off we went. The theatre was a ways away. All of a sudden I stopped, parked the car and looked at her:
Me: "Hold on, you do realize we're in Quebec right? Most theaters play movies in French, did you check the listing to see if it was playing in English?"
Aunt: "Well the title is English "Oceans 8" so it must be playing in English."
Me: "Not necessarily. This is Quebec, even at home most of the movies on my side play in French. Oh well, we're here let's go see."
Aunt: "I'm sure it's in English, otherwise they would've translated the title to French."
Me: "Oceans 8 doesn't translate very well. In French it would be Océan 8??? Some things just aren't meant to be translated! Lol"
Sure enough, we go in and the movie is playing in French. My aunt was so disappointed. I explained to the gentleman at the desk that she was visiting from Edmonton and didn't speak French so we were hoping to find a theater that plays movies in English. He told us that unfortunately they are all French, but we were in luck. That night they were having a special screening of Oceans 8 in English at 9:00 pm. Awesome, but wait we had to return the rental car at 7:00 pm and then take a cab to come all the way back here. That wasn't going to work. We went back to the car and headed to the hotel.
Me: "Wait, what if I call ----- and ask if they'd like to come to the movies with us? I'm sure he wouldn't mind picking us up, he's only 2 blocks away?"
My aunt didn't answer right away.
Me: "Don't worry, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. It was just a thought."
Aunt: "No, that's an excellent idea. Give him a call and see what they're up to. "
Me: "Are you sure? Don't do it for me, I'll see him again when we get back home."
Aunt: "No, really we'd have fun for sure and I'd like to see that movie. Haven't been to a theatre in ages. Call him."
I called him and asked if he was in the mood to go see a movie. I was honest, it was Oceans 8 so might be more of a girly movie. He asked his son and he said he wanted to see that one. Besides it would be way better than spending the night in at the hotel alone with his Dad. They were bored and exhausted. It was a long day at the hospital. His Mom had her surgery that morning and was doing really well. They were actually on their way to the car to head to the hotel when I called. They were thrilled to have plans and without asking, he offered to come pick us up. We texted the address and 30 minutes later they were at the hotel.
When we came down, they both got out of the car and opened the doors for us. It was so nice. We were giggling like school girls. I made my aunt sit in the front seat next to ------ because she's the navigator. I sat in the back with his son. Of course, we laughed all the way. We joked about having not 1 but 2 chaperones on our first date!
We got to the theatre and I ran to pay since they had been nice enough to pick us up. I didn't succeed. ----- ran over immediately and said there was no way a woman was going to pay. He picked me up and carried me away then dropped me at the door. He said If I didn't let him pay, they were going to leave. Fine, but I got the popcorn and drinks!
It was a bit early. The theatre had a really nice lounge with comfy couches. As soon as we got in, my aunt took over. The whole time she had been dominating the conversation when she stopped abruptly.
Aunt: "Oh my goodness, I'm sorry. I haven't stopped talking have I? Geez, you guys are on your first date, you need to talk and get to know each other."
She turned to his son:
Aunt: "You and I are going to go to the other lounge and leave these two alone. Let's go."
When it was time to go in for the movie, my aunt lead his son near the front and told him we'd be staying near the back of the theatre so we could have some privacy. OMG, we could not stop laughing. The theater was empty, it was just us. A few people trickled in after the movie started.
He eventually took my hand and smiled. We shared popcorn and snuggled. It was so nice.
Him: "Can you believe we're here? My goodness, I have to drive almost 7 hours to meet you. I'm so happy you called tonight. I was hoping I'd get to see you again before you leave. Not sure when I'll be home. We'll see how Mom does over the next few days. Today was really long."
Me: "I know, this is unbelievable. But how amazing. You're finally holding my hand too!"
Him: "This is hilarious, we're here with 2 chaperones! You'd think it was like 1950 or something. No one will believe this. Is your Aunt ok with it, don't want to make her feel uncomfortable?"
Me: "I guess some things are meant to be. My Aunt was totally cool with calling you guys, she really wanted to see a movie. With the weather so bad there wasn't much else to do."
Him: "Your Aunt can talk! OMG. She's hilarious."
Me: "She loves to talk and she's pretty cool."
Him: "I still can't believe this. Is this for real? You really here? Lol"
Me: "Yup, we're here. Finally!!!"
The movie was good, we all enjoyed it. We took the scenic route home, I think he just wanted to spend as much time as he could with me. When we arrived at the hotel, my Aunt thanked them both and jumped out of the car.
Aunt: "Thanks again guys, hope your Mom is ok. Take care, hope to see you again at home. I'll head up to the room, see you in a bit."
We were both hoping to kiss goodnight, but were interrupted by his son so a hug was all we could manage. It was like we were kids and had to behave. He smelled so good and it felt amazing to be in the arms of a man.
Him: "I'm hoping to head home on Sunday if all goes well. Do you think I'd be able to see you?"
Me: "Absolutely, let me know when you're back and we'll figure it out. No plans for Sunday so far. Take care of your Mom." To his son, "It was great to meet you. Enjoy your time with your Dad and Grandma. Make sure your Dad stays out of trouble."
Him: "Bye Beautiful, I'll call you later."
Upstairs I went. If only we could've spent more time together. A movie is not an ideal date. You can't really talk, but the cuddling was nice. The minute I walked into our hotel room, my aunt and I burst out laughing. OMG, I was cramping it hurt!
Aunt: "What a wonderful night. His son is such a nice kid and so mature. We had a great discussion on a bunch of different topics. Did you guys have fun? Sorry I talk so much, I noticed and that's why I took his son with me so you guys could be alone. When I'm around, you don't talk."
Me: "When you're around no one get's a word in edgewise! Lol"
Aunt: "I know I like talking to everyone."
Me: "We had a really nice time. This is so old fashioned. People aren't going to believe me, you'll have to be my witness. OMG 2 chaperones, I've never!"
Aunt: "I can't wait to tell everyone in Edmonton. You know, I think this is going to work for you. I just have this feeling. It took a lot of work and effort, but that will make things all the better. He's such a nice guy and they are so polite. Very old fashioned, I love the chivalry and he's taught his son well. You deserve to be happy. Take your time and enjoy. I'm happy for you."
We laughed for what seemed like an eternity I couldn't remember the last time I felt so happy. What an amazing week. Now I really missed my babies and was looking forward to going home. Can't wait to see what the future has in store. If this doesn't classify as a unique or unusual first date, I don't know what does. Sweet dreams and good luck everyone!
Dateless in Ottawa
My aunt and I spent the day sight seeing and checked out the biggest shopping mall in the area. It was a rainy overcast day, we'd be heading home tomorrow. Don't know where the time went, but we had so much fun.
By late afternoon, it was raining hard. Our site seeing came to an abrupt end, it's not fun to walk in the pouring rain. My aunt suggested we go watch a movie then have a late dinner. Sounded great. She's the navigator and great at finding things, so her task was to find a movie and then a theater that wasn't too far away. Sure enough, she found one so off we went. The theatre was a ways away. All of a sudden I stopped, parked the car and looked at her:
Me: "Hold on, you do realize we're in Quebec right? Most theaters play movies in French, did you check the listing to see if it was playing in English?"
Aunt: "Well the title is English "Oceans 8" so it must be playing in English."
Me: "Not necessarily. This is Quebec, even at home most of the movies on my side play in French. Oh well, we're here let's go see."
Aunt: "I'm sure it's in English, otherwise they would've translated the title to French."
Me: "Oceans 8 doesn't translate very well. In French it would be Océan 8??? Some things just aren't meant to be translated! Lol"
Sure enough, we go in and the movie is playing in French. My aunt was so disappointed. I explained to the gentleman at the desk that she was visiting from Edmonton and didn't speak French so we were hoping to find a theater that plays movies in English. He told us that unfortunately they are all French, but we were in luck. That night they were having a special screening of Oceans 8 in English at 9:00 pm. Awesome, but wait we had to return the rental car at 7:00 pm and then take a cab to come all the way back here. That wasn't going to work. We went back to the car and headed to the hotel.
Me: "Wait, what if I call ----- and ask if they'd like to come to the movies with us? I'm sure he wouldn't mind picking us up, he's only 2 blocks away?"
My aunt didn't answer right away.
Me: "Don't worry, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. It was just a thought."
Aunt: "No, that's an excellent idea. Give him a call and see what they're up to. "
Me: "Are you sure? Don't do it for me, I'll see him again when we get back home."
Aunt: "No, really we'd have fun for sure and I'd like to see that movie. Haven't been to a theatre in ages. Call him."
I called him and asked if he was in the mood to go see a movie. I was honest, it was Oceans 8 so might be more of a girly movie. He asked his son and he said he wanted to see that one. Besides it would be way better than spending the night in at the hotel alone with his Dad. They were bored and exhausted. It was a long day at the hospital. His Mom had her surgery that morning and was doing really well. They were actually on their way to the car to head to the hotel when I called. They were thrilled to have plans and without asking, he offered to come pick us up. We texted the address and 30 minutes later they were at the hotel.
When we came down, they both got out of the car and opened the doors for us. It was so nice. We were giggling like school girls. I made my aunt sit in the front seat next to ------ because she's the navigator. I sat in the back with his son. Of course, we laughed all the way. We joked about having not 1 but 2 chaperones on our first date!
We got to the theatre and I ran to pay since they had been nice enough to pick us up. I didn't succeed. ----- ran over immediately and said there was no way a woman was going to pay. He picked me up and carried me away then dropped me at the door. He said If I didn't let him pay, they were going to leave. Fine, but I got the popcorn and drinks!
It was a bit early. The theatre had a really nice lounge with comfy couches. As soon as we got in, my aunt took over. The whole time she had been dominating the conversation when she stopped abruptly.
Aunt: "Oh my goodness, I'm sorry. I haven't stopped talking have I? Geez, you guys are on your first date, you need to talk and get to know each other."
She turned to his son:
Aunt: "You and I are going to go to the other lounge and leave these two alone. Let's go."
When it was time to go in for the movie, my aunt lead his son near the front and told him we'd be staying near the back of the theatre so we could have some privacy. OMG, we could not stop laughing. The theater was empty, it was just us. A few people trickled in after the movie started.
He eventually took my hand and smiled. We shared popcorn and snuggled. It was so nice.
Him: "Can you believe we're here? My goodness, I have to drive almost 7 hours to meet you. I'm so happy you called tonight. I was hoping I'd get to see you again before you leave. Not sure when I'll be home. We'll see how Mom does over the next few days. Today was really long."
Me: "I know, this is unbelievable. But how amazing. You're finally holding my hand too!"
Him: "This is hilarious, we're here with 2 chaperones! You'd think it was like 1950 or something. No one will believe this. Is your Aunt ok with it, don't want to make her feel uncomfortable?"
Me: "I guess some things are meant to be. My Aunt was totally cool with calling you guys, she really wanted to see a movie. With the weather so bad there wasn't much else to do."
Him: "Your Aunt can talk! OMG. She's hilarious."
Me: "She loves to talk and she's pretty cool."
Him: "I still can't believe this. Is this for real? You really here? Lol"
Me: "Yup, we're here. Finally!!!"
The movie was good, we all enjoyed it. We took the scenic route home, I think he just wanted to spend as much time as he could with me. When we arrived at the hotel, my Aunt thanked them both and jumped out of the car.
Aunt: "Thanks again guys, hope your Mom is ok. Take care, hope to see you again at home. I'll head up to the room, see you in a bit."
We were both hoping to kiss goodnight, but were interrupted by his son so a hug was all we could manage. It was like we were kids and had to behave. He smelled so good and it felt amazing to be in the arms of a man.
Him: "I'm hoping to head home on Sunday if all goes well. Do you think I'd be able to see you?"
Me: "Absolutely, let me know when you're back and we'll figure it out. No plans for Sunday so far. Take care of your Mom." To his son, "It was great to meet you. Enjoy your time with your Dad and Grandma. Make sure your Dad stays out of trouble."
Him: "Bye Beautiful, I'll call you later."
Upstairs I went. If only we could've spent more time together. A movie is not an ideal date. You can't really talk, but the cuddling was nice. The minute I walked into our hotel room, my aunt and I burst out laughing. OMG, I was cramping it hurt!
Aunt: "What a wonderful night. His son is such a nice kid and so mature. We had a great discussion on a bunch of different topics. Did you guys have fun? Sorry I talk so much, I noticed and that's why I took his son with me so you guys could be alone. When I'm around, you don't talk."
Me: "When you're around no one get's a word in edgewise! Lol"
Aunt: "I know I like talking to everyone."
Me: "We had a really nice time. This is so old fashioned. People aren't going to believe me, you'll have to be my witness. OMG 2 chaperones, I've never!"
Aunt: "I can't wait to tell everyone in Edmonton. You know, I think this is going to work for you. I just have this feeling. It took a lot of work and effort, but that will make things all the better. He's such a nice guy and they are so polite. Very old fashioned, I love the chivalry and he's taught his son well. You deserve to be happy. Take your time and enjoy. I'm happy for you."
We laughed for what seemed like an eternity I couldn't remember the last time I felt so happy. What an amazing week. Now I really missed my babies and was looking forward to going home. Can't wait to see what the future has in store. If this doesn't classify as a unique or unusual first date, I don't know what does. Sweet dreams and good luck everyone!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 21 October 2018
Round 35 continues - Unbelievable first meeting
Communication with Mr. Heavy Equipment continued fast and furious. It was crazy that every time we planned to meet, something would come up and one of us had to travel. As he was returning to Ottawa, I was sent to Quebec and I wouldn't be back for 3 weeks. We laughed it off. If we could survive all of these set backs, chances are things would work out. As my parents always said, if it's worth having, you have to work hard to get it!
We talked every day for hours. It felt like we'd known each other forever. No topic was left unexplored, but unlike other men he was never inappropriate or blatantly sexual. He was a very respectful gentleman and somewhat religious.
When I finished my 3 week stint in Quebec, I made arrangements to have my aunt come out and meet me. She'd never been to Quebec City and after watching my kids I thought it would be nice to spend a girls' weekend together. As I was driving to Quebec City, my guy called and said his mother was being urgently air lifted to Quebec City from Newfoundland. She might need emergency heart surgery. He was going to try to get off work and drive down to be with her because his sisters couldn't travel. I told him I'd be in Quebec City so if there was anything I could do to let me know.
My aunt arrived and we had a blast sight seeing in different towns and trying out restaurants. The weather was beautiful. We spent hours taking walking tours and shopping. I casually mentioned to her that a friend's mom was being airlifted and I might sneak away to meet him for coffee if he came down.
Aunt: "Absolutely, what a coincidence that you're here. I'm sure he'd appreciate the support. You go, don't worry about me. I can keep myself entertained."
I hadn't told her I was using online dating. She's actually my late husband's aunt, but since his death we've become extremely close. I see her like a mother figure and was afraid she'd be upset so decided not to tell her I was trying to date.
Our second day in Quebec City my guy called and said he was on his way with his son. His Mom was having tests done and they would decide the following morning whether she was strong enough to have surgery. The hospital was 2 blocks away from our hotel. He'd call when he arrived.
That evening we had dinner downtown and then decided to sit and people watch. It was so busy just bustling with people in Old Quebec City. My guy called and asked what we were up to.
Me: "We're hanging out on a bench in front of the Chateau Frontenac."
Him: "We were thinking of heading downtown for a bite and then do some walking around. You girls enjoy, maybe we'll see you tomorrow."
About a half hour later while we were sitting in the park talking I hear someone calling my name. I thought it was one of my colleagues who was still in town, but when I looked over my jaw dropped. I immediately recognized the car, then him, then his laughter.
Me: "C----?"
Him: "Would you know where I can park the car?"
Me: "Yes, continue straight then turn to the right and you should find spots along the road."
Within minutes they were standing in front of us. I ran over and hugged him, trying to maintain my composure. I was in shock. We live 5 minutes away from each other and had tried to meet so many times and here we were standing face to face in Quebec City 5 hours away from home! What are the odds? Talk about unusual first meeting! He introduced us to his son and we talked for a while. His son was very pleasant and he was his usual hilarious self.
Him: "Well ladies, it was great to run into you. We're going to let you ladies continue your visit and go grab a bite then do some touring around. What do you suggest?"
Aunt: "We did the walking tour earlier and it was great. It won't be dark for a bit, so if you eat fast do that you'll really enjoy it and see most of the old city."
Me: "Have a great night, we'll talk later."
We hugged good bye and off they went.
Aunt: "What a nice guy. How long have you known him?"
Ok, I didn't know what to say. Tell the truth or lie? I couldn't lie to her.
Me: "Auntie, there's something I have to tell you. I hope you're not too disappointed. A few months ago I decided to use online dating. It's been 5 years and I truly feel I need to move on. We've been emailing and talking for several weeks, but with all my travel and his work were never able to meet before now."
There was a long moment of silence, I wasn't sure what she was going to say.
Aunt: "You mean this was the first time you've met him in person?"
Me: "Yes."
Aunt: "Are you kidding, oh my goodness that's hilarious!"
Suddenly she burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. It was so contagious, I joined her. People in the park must have thought we had lost it. We laughed so hard, we were crying.
Aunt: "Seriously, this is the first time you've met in person?"
Me: "Yes, I can't lie to you. We live 5 minutes apart and here we are meeting in Quebec City for the first time."
Aunt: "How did he find you? It had to be your hair. The park is full, what are the odds he'd find you in this crowd? You mentioned we were here, but still. Oh my goodness, this is too funny. I was with you for your first meeting. He's so polite, I approve! His son is really nice too. What a pair! You with me and him with his son."
We laughed even more. I thought I was going to pee myself and I was cramping up in pain. Off to find a washroom then we went for coffee before heading back to the hotel.
Later that night me and my guy talked. I asked him how he had found me.
Him: "As we were driving around the park, you turned your head and I saw your face. I recognized you right away. By the way, you look way more beautiful in person. How could I miss you?"
Me: "The park was crowded, you must have seen my hair."
Him: "No, honest I saw your face that's why I pulled over. I was hoping I'd find you and I did. Great first meeting huh? Your aunt seems really nice, she's funny and likes to talk doesn't she?"
Me: "She insists you recognized my hair. She liked you and your son. I told her about the online dating and how we've been trying to meet. She couldn't stop laughing, she thinks it's the most hilarious thing ever. We laughed so hard we almost peed ourselves. She couldn't believe it was our first meeting."
Him: "So glad we finally met. Mom is good, they're going to decide on the surgery tomorrow. Have a great night. Sorry I couldn't kiss you, I really wanted to. Didn't want to be inappropriate in front of your aunt. I wasn't sure if she knew the whole story. Man this is too funny. I can't believe I had to drive so far to meet you for the first time, but I'm glad I did. Sweet dreams."
Aunt: "You deserve happiness. This guy seems really nice, I hope things work out. I'll never forget this. No worries if you need to go to the hospital tomorrow. Good night!"
I look back and still laugh. It felt good and having my aunt's approval meant a lot. Now I'm going to leave you hanging. After all, there has to be some suspense and intrigue! Bye for now,
Dateless in Ottawa
We talked every day for hours. It felt like we'd known each other forever. No topic was left unexplored, but unlike other men he was never inappropriate or blatantly sexual. He was a very respectful gentleman and somewhat religious.
When I finished my 3 week stint in Quebec, I made arrangements to have my aunt come out and meet me. She'd never been to Quebec City and after watching my kids I thought it would be nice to spend a girls' weekend together. As I was driving to Quebec City, my guy called and said his mother was being urgently air lifted to Quebec City from Newfoundland. She might need emergency heart surgery. He was going to try to get off work and drive down to be with her because his sisters couldn't travel. I told him I'd be in Quebec City so if there was anything I could do to let me know.
My aunt arrived and we had a blast sight seeing in different towns and trying out restaurants. The weather was beautiful. We spent hours taking walking tours and shopping. I casually mentioned to her that a friend's mom was being airlifted and I might sneak away to meet him for coffee if he came down.
Aunt: "Absolutely, what a coincidence that you're here. I'm sure he'd appreciate the support. You go, don't worry about me. I can keep myself entertained."
I hadn't told her I was using online dating. She's actually my late husband's aunt, but since his death we've become extremely close. I see her like a mother figure and was afraid she'd be upset so decided not to tell her I was trying to date.
Our second day in Quebec City my guy called and said he was on his way with his son. His Mom was having tests done and they would decide the following morning whether she was strong enough to have surgery. The hospital was 2 blocks away from our hotel. He'd call when he arrived.
That evening we had dinner downtown and then decided to sit and people watch. It was so busy just bustling with people in Old Quebec City. My guy called and asked what we were up to.
Me: "We're hanging out on a bench in front of the Chateau Frontenac."
Him: "We were thinking of heading downtown for a bite and then do some walking around. You girls enjoy, maybe we'll see you tomorrow."
About a half hour later while we were sitting in the park talking I hear someone calling my name. I thought it was one of my colleagues who was still in town, but when I looked over my jaw dropped. I immediately recognized the car, then him, then his laughter.
Me: "C----?"
Him: "Would you know where I can park the car?"
Me: "Yes, continue straight then turn to the right and you should find spots along the road."
Within minutes they were standing in front of us. I ran over and hugged him, trying to maintain my composure. I was in shock. We live 5 minutes away from each other and had tried to meet so many times and here we were standing face to face in Quebec City 5 hours away from home! What are the odds? Talk about unusual first meeting! He introduced us to his son and we talked for a while. His son was very pleasant and he was his usual hilarious self.
Him: "Well ladies, it was great to run into you. We're going to let you ladies continue your visit and go grab a bite then do some touring around. What do you suggest?"
Aunt: "We did the walking tour earlier and it was great. It won't be dark for a bit, so if you eat fast do that you'll really enjoy it and see most of the old city."
Me: "Have a great night, we'll talk later."
We hugged good bye and off they went.
Aunt: "What a nice guy. How long have you known him?"
Ok, I didn't know what to say. Tell the truth or lie? I couldn't lie to her.
Me: "Auntie, there's something I have to tell you. I hope you're not too disappointed. A few months ago I decided to use online dating. It's been 5 years and I truly feel I need to move on. We've been emailing and talking for several weeks, but with all my travel and his work were never able to meet before now."
There was a long moment of silence, I wasn't sure what she was going to say.
Aunt: "You mean this was the first time you've met him in person?"
Me: "Yes."
Aunt: "Are you kidding, oh my goodness that's hilarious!"
Suddenly she burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. It was so contagious, I joined her. People in the park must have thought we had lost it. We laughed so hard, we were crying.
Aunt: "Seriously, this is the first time you've met in person?"
Me: "Yes, I can't lie to you. We live 5 minutes apart and here we are meeting in Quebec City for the first time."
Aunt: "How did he find you? It had to be your hair. The park is full, what are the odds he'd find you in this crowd? You mentioned we were here, but still. Oh my goodness, this is too funny. I was with you for your first meeting. He's so polite, I approve! His son is really nice too. What a pair! You with me and him with his son."
We laughed even more. I thought I was going to pee myself and I was cramping up in pain. Off to find a washroom then we went for coffee before heading back to the hotel.
Later that night me and my guy talked. I asked him how he had found me.
Him: "As we were driving around the park, you turned your head and I saw your face. I recognized you right away. By the way, you look way more beautiful in person. How could I miss you?"
Me: "The park was crowded, you must have seen my hair."
Him: "No, honest I saw your face that's why I pulled over. I was hoping I'd find you and I did. Great first meeting huh? Your aunt seems really nice, she's funny and likes to talk doesn't she?"
Me: "She insists you recognized my hair. She liked you and your son. I told her about the online dating and how we've been trying to meet. She couldn't stop laughing, she thinks it's the most hilarious thing ever. We laughed so hard we almost peed ourselves. She couldn't believe it was our first meeting."
Him: "So glad we finally met. Mom is good, they're going to decide on the surgery tomorrow. Have a great night. Sorry I couldn't kiss you, I really wanted to. Didn't want to be inappropriate in front of your aunt. I wasn't sure if she knew the whole story. Man this is too funny. I can't believe I had to drive so far to meet you for the first time, but I'm glad I did. Sweet dreams."
Aunt: "You deserve happiness. This guy seems really nice, I hope things work out. I'll never forget this. No worries if you need to go to the hospital tomorrow. Good night!"
I look back and still laugh. It felt good and having my aunt's approval meant a lot. Now I'm going to leave you hanging. After all, there has to be some suspense and intrigue! Bye for now,
Dateless in Ottawa
Saturday 6 October 2018
Round 35 continues - A glimmer of hope!
Round 35 was off to a rough start. Is it too much to ask that a potential mate be financially stable? How does one communicate this without sounding like a gold digger? At the very least I would expect my mate to be able to cover his and his children's living expenses. Being a single parent of four, I fully understand how challenging it can be. It isn't easy to raise a family on one income. One has to learn how to be creative, frugal and cautious. It's hard, but not impossible. I may never be rich, but I'm comfortable and my kids have everything they need. Thankfully I don't have to rely on anyone or depend on my parents to pay my bills. The last thing I would ever want to do is be a burden to anyone, especially my mate. Give and take is very important in a relationship, within reason. My children are mine and therefore my responsibility physically, emotionally and financially. Given my level of responsibilities, I'm not interesting in or able to assume another dependent and/or dependents. If that was the case, I'd have another child. Might sound harsh, but it's the reality. I'm no damsel in distress waiting for my knight in shining armour to ride in and assume all of my responsibilities and bills, and the same should apply to my significant other.
Time to come up with a new game plan. Expecting men to take the lead might be asking too much and limiting my options. I'll look through profiles and add the ones that pique my interest to my favourites, then I'll go back and craft an introductory email that touches on things or interests we have in common. It can't hurt. This presents a bit of a challenge for me as I'm old school. For me chivalry is huge and I believe the man should lead. Oh well, time to implement change and see what happens!
Travel at work increased again so another hurdle to manage while trying to juggle work, the kids and dating.
#10. Mr. Heavy Equipment
During one of my sleepless nights, I browsed through profiles seeking a potential mate. Low and behold I came across a profile that was hilarious. I actually laughed out loud! He was a year younger than me, divorced and had children. He was tall, with blue eyes, a shaved head and a great smile. There were several pictures on the profile which showed the activities he enjoyed, a bit about his work and some of his toys. I decided I had to write to this guy, so saved his profile in my favourites. Just as I saved the profile into my favourites and went to log off, a new email arrived. Low and behold it was from the guy who's profile I had just added to my favourites!
The email was funny. He said my profile was one of the best he'd ever read, it was funny and he believed he met all of my criteria. Once again I laughed out loud. We exchanged a few emails then moved to the phone. He had a funny accent. When he told me he was originally from Newfoundland, it all made sense. Newfy indeed and I thought people just made up stories about their accent!
I later asked him if he had written because he got the notification I had added him as a favourite and he didn't know what I was talking about.
Him: "What? I was just looking through profiles and came across yours. I really liked it so I wrote to you. What favourites? You added me as a favourite? Really? Nice. I don't see those on my cell phone."
OMG, what are the odds that 2 people read each other's profiles at the exact same time. Talk about serendipity!
His children were older, the daughter was living on her own and his son with his mother. From time to time they'd stay as his place. He was a heavy equipment operator and had always worked in the construction industry. He was very handy as he did all of his own mechanical work on his vehicles and repairs around the house. Our conversations were always filled with laughter and jokes, but he also knew when it was time to be serious. In terms of relationships, he had not been lucky. He said he'd been cheated on several times and his last girlfriend had an addiction problem that he was not willing to support. He worked the night shift which made it difficult for him to date which is why he'd been single for a while, but soon the shifts would be changed allowing him to move to days.
We planned our first date to be breakfast on Saturday after he'd finished his shift. I was excited. He seemed so funny and interesting. I was leaving on another business trip and would be back on the Friday. Off I went on my trip, only to find out on the Thursday night that I had to stay an extra day. There went our first date. I was on my way to the hotel to call him and let him know I'd have to reschedule when my phone rang. It was him, he'd just been advised he was being transferred to a site in Toronto and had to leave the following day. He'd be gone for 2 weeks. Oh well, what's another 2 weeks?
We texted throughout the day and talked every night. He was very thoughtful and attentive. A week after we'd started emailing he called and wished me a happy anniversary. It caught me completely off guard, didn't understand what he was talking about. He then said obviously I wasn't as invested or good at keeping track of important dates so he'd have to reconsider. After a moment of silence he burst out laughing. This guy kept me on my toes and laugher was always on the menu. Our beliefs and upbringing were very similar. He was close to his family.
Two weeks later and I had to leave on another business trip as he was returning home. We continued to talk and didn't worry too much about our first date. We talked about anything and everything. He asked about my kids, what they were like and the activities they were involved in. He said he wanted to be involved and hoped they would accept him. I was impressed and appreciated the effort. His relationship with his kids was a bit strained. Him and his ex didn't get along at all and his kids hadn't liked his last girlfriend. Working nights didn't help either and having to work out of town just made it all the more challenging.
Finally there was a glimmer of hope. Stay tuned to the ongoing quest to schedule our first date!
Dateless in Ottawa
Time to come up with a new game plan. Expecting men to take the lead might be asking too much and limiting my options. I'll look through profiles and add the ones that pique my interest to my favourites, then I'll go back and craft an introductory email that touches on things or interests we have in common. It can't hurt. This presents a bit of a challenge for me as I'm old school. For me chivalry is huge and I believe the man should lead. Oh well, time to implement change and see what happens!
Travel at work increased again so another hurdle to manage while trying to juggle work, the kids and dating.
#10. Mr. Heavy Equipment
During one of my sleepless nights, I browsed through profiles seeking a potential mate. Low and behold I came across a profile that was hilarious. I actually laughed out loud! He was a year younger than me, divorced and had children. He was tall, with blue eyes, a shaved head and a great smile. There were several pictures on the profile which showed the activities he enjoyed, a bit about his work and some of his toys. I decided I had to write to this guy, so saved his profile in my favourites. Just as I saved the profile into my favourites and went to log off, a new email arrived. Low and behold it was from the guy who's profile I had just added to my favourites!
The email was funny. He said my profile was one of the best he'd ever read, it was funny and he believed he met all of my criteria. Once again I laughed out loud. We exchanged a few emails then moved to the phone. He had a funny accent. When he told me he was originally from Newfoundland, it all made sense. Newfy indeed and I thought people just made up stories about their accent!
I later asked him if he had written because he got the notification I had added him as a favourite and he didn't know what I was talking about.
Him: "What? I was just looking through profiles and came across yours. I really liked it so I wrote to you. What favourites? You added me as a favourite? Really? Nice. I don't see those on my cell phone."
OMG, what are the odds that 2 people read each other's profiles at the exact same time. Talk about serendipity!
His children were older, the daughter was living on her own and his son with his mother. From time to time they'd stay as his place. He was a heavy equipment operator and had always worked in the construction industry. He was very handy as he did all of his own mechanical work on his vehicles and repairs around the house. Our conversations were always filled with laughter and jokes, but he also knew when it was time to be serious. In terms of relationships, he had not been lucky. He said he'd been cheated on several times and his last girlfriend had an addiction problem that he was not willing to support. He worked the night shift which made it difficult for him to date which is why he'd been single for a while, but soon the shifts would be changed allowing him to move to days.
We planned our first date to be breakfast on Saturday after he'd finished his shift. I was excited. He seemed so funny and interesting. I was leaving on another business trip and would be back on the Friday. Off I went on my trip, only to find out on the Thursday night that I had to stay an extra day. There went our first date. I was on my way to the hotel to call him and let him know I'd have to reschedule when my phone rang. It was him, he'd just been advised he was being transferred to a site in Toronto and had to leave the following day. He'd be gone for 2 weeks. Oh well, what's another 2 weeks?
We texted throughout the day and talked every night. He was very thoughtful and attentive. A week after we'd started emailing he called and wished me a happy anniversary. It caught me completely off guard, didn't understand what he was talking about. He then said obviously I wasn't as invested or good at keeping track of important dates so he'd have to reconsider. After a moment of silence he burst out laughing. This guy kept me on my toes and laugher was always on the menu. Our beliefs and upbringing were very similar. He was close to his family.
Two weeks later and I had to leave on another business trip as he was returning home. We continued to talk and didn't worry too much about our first date. We talked about anything and everything. He asked about my kids, what they were like and the activities they were involved in. He said he wanted to be involved and hoped they would accept him. I was impressed and appreciated the effort. His relationship with his kids was a bit strained. Him and his ex didn't get along at all and his kids hadn't liked his last girlfriend. Working nights didn't help either and having to work out of town just made it all the more challenging.
Finally there was a glimmer of hope. Stay tuned to the ongoing quest to schedule our first date!
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday 3 October 2018
Round 35 - More online dating.
Months had passed and my ego had somewhat healed. Work was winding down a little bit so I had some time to devote to finding my soul mate. My profile looked good. I added a more recent picture, logged in and unhid my profile. Now I would wait. There were a few profiles I had added to my favourites, but decided I was not going to initiate contact. If a guy writes, obviously he's interested. This time around I would let the men do most of the work. Wish me luck!
#8. Mr. Coffee
He was tall with salt and pepper hair and blue eyes. The profile said he was divorced with children and had a good job. A few interests were listed, mostly sports related. Music and movies were the two we had in common. His profile was short and very simple. There were several pictures, but they all looked pretty much the same.
The introductory email was cute and funny. It was obvious he had a sense of humour. I responded and we emailed then moved to the phone. Our first conversation lasted hours. He had a very sarcastic sense of humour. His experiences on POF had not been overly positive, but like me didn't really have other options for meeting women. He had full custody of his children and worked long hours. According to him women were simply looking for someone to take care of them and pay all the bills. Being materialistic was more important than love. I disagreed, you can't generalize as there are always exceptions. I then countered stating men simply wanted sex to which he disagreed.
He decided he had to meet me as I sounded unlike any woman he had met to date. I laughed. He asked about my experiences with online dating and I explained many are dishonest and often don't look like their picture. He insisted he looked identical to his picture and was willing to drive over immediately to show me. I declined, it could wait until our first date. He suggested the following day which was a Saturday. I had some errands to run and a couple of hours of work to do, so after lunch would work. We decided to meet at 1:00 and go for a walk downtown.
The following morning he started texting early. I responded initially then headed to the office. The texts continued and then the phone calls started. I had told him I would be working and would not be able to text or talk. He left 4 voice messages asking me where I was and why I wasn't responding. I quickly texted to say I was working and would see him at 1:00 as planned. A short time later he texted again saying he had arrived early and was hoping I could meet sooner. He was over an hour early, I was not finished working. Again he called. At this point I was beyond annoyed, but tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was a bit flattering that he was so excited to meet, although being desperate is not an attractive trait.
I arrived on time as planned. Surprise, surprise, he didn't look like his picture. He looked older, but it was obvious he put a lot of effort into preparing for his date. His car was washed and he was wearing a dress shirt which he said he rarely wore. We walked downtown and talked. I asked more questions, many the same as during our phone conversation, but his responses were completely different. Previously he had said there was no point in travelling as he'd seen all he needed to see of the world. Slowly the truth came out. Apparently restaurants were a waste of money too. He talked about not having any money, living in a shitty apartment and how he worked at Tim Hortons, but that was all he needed because money wasn't important. Wait a second, when one has children, money is important as they need to be fed and taken care of. We were not off to a good start.
Now all of a sudden travel was huge after I said it was one of my favourite things to do. He was going to figure it out. He was making plans for how I was going to fix his kids who did nothing but play video games and post on Facebook. Since my kids were good students and athletic they could rub off on them. He talked about how his siblings were all well to do and he enjoyed black tie events, even though he didn't own a suit. He was trying way too hard to impress me and failed miserably. It was very obvious he was saying what he thought I wanted to hear, while contradicting everything he had said previously.
I ended the date early, there was no point. I told him I had to go back to work, which I did given all the interruptions that morning. He apologized, but said he thought I was going to cancel and he wanted to make sure I was going to come. Really? 20 texts and 6 phone calls? Great way to turn me off. He said he wanted to see me again as he had such a great time and he was very attracted to me. I was honest and told him I didn't feel the same way and wished him luck with his search. He got angry and left. When I logged back onto POF he had deleted all the emails and hidden his pictures. Whatever.
#9. Mr. Delivery Guy
Another email came in. His profile was very short. He was older, tall with dark hair and eyes. According to the profile he was widowed with children. His profession said driver.
The email was brief. He said he enjoyed reading my profile and would like to meet for coffee to get to know me better. We exchanged a few emails and then he suggested meeting for coffee the following weekend. I agreed. Usually I like to talk on the phone first, but this time I didn't bother. We arrived at roughly the same time. He looked like a deer in headlights. He couldn't speak and looked very uncomfortable. We walked to the coffee shop and he held the door open. I walked to the counter and he just stood there staring. I ordered my coffee and he didn't move or speak. The server asked him what he wanted and he didn't answer so I asked him what he wanted. He ordered and again stood there staring at me. I pulled out my wallet and paid since he wasn't moving.
Ok, strike one he didn't look like his picture, strike two I shouldn't be paying when he asked me out! And no, it's not about the money it's the principle. In my book, whoever asks the other out is paying. Not impressed.
We got our drinks and he spilled his coffee. He was so nervous he was shaking. This made me uncomfortable. Finally we sat down and he slowly became more relaxed. I asked about his kids and he opened up. He talked non-stop for over a half hour. Quickly I learned he wasn't a widower, he wasn't even living with her when she passed away. She had named him as the beneficiary of her estate because of the children after she found out she had terminal cancer. The boys had been living with her. So annoying when men claim to be widowed when in fact they are with someone else when their ex dies. Ok, this was strike three.
His sons were older than mine and were both away at school. He was lonely and looking for companionship, someone to move in and share the expenses. He worked as an office supply delivery person and had been working for the same company for 20 years. This was all fine and well, but he complained that money was tight and his parents had to help him out. Sad when a man in his fifties has to rely on his parents. He was more of a home body and only travelled when his parents invited him to their condo in Mexico. Again he was very much into watching sports, which does nothing for me. He also wanted to start working out to lose weight and get into better shape. He talked about being close with his ex-girlfriend and said they often did things together and hung out, but they were not compatible sexually. Ok, way too much information.
I finished my coffee and ended the date. This guy was totally not for me. He texted a few times after that, but I didn't respond. Part of me felt bad, but it pissed me off that he didn't even thank me for the coffee.
Once again, sooner or later you're going to meet so why lie? At the very least, look like your picture. Being a widow, it greatly offends me when guys use that category to get sympathy. If you're not married to and living with the woman when she passes away, you are not a widower.
Enough for tonight.
Dateless in Ottawa
#8. Mr. Coffee
He was tall with salt and pepper hair and blue eyes. The profile said he was divorced with children and had a good job. A few interests were listed, mostly sports related. Music and movies were the two we had in common. His profile was short and very simple. There were several pictures, but they all looked pretty much the same.
The introductory email was cute and funny. It was obvious he had a sense of humour. I responded and we emailed then moved to the phone. Our first conversation lasted hours. He had a very sarcastic sense of humour. His experiences on POF had not been overly positive, but like me didn't really have other options for meeting women. He had full custody of his children and worked long hours. According to him women were simply looking for someone to take care of them and pay all the bills. Being materialistic was more important than love. I disagreed, you can't generalize as there are always exceptions. I then countered stating men simply wanted sex to which he disagreed.
He decided he had to meet me as I sounded unlike any woman he had met to date. I laughed. He asked about my experiences with online dating and I explained many are dishonest and often don't look like their picture. He insisted he looked identical to his picture and was willing to drive over immediately to show me. I declined, it could wait until our first date. He suggested the following day which was a Saturday. I had some errands to run and a couple of hours of work to do, so after lunch would work. We decided to meet at 1:00 and go for a walk downtown.
The following morning he started texting early. I responded initially then headed to the office. The texts continued and then the phone calls started. I had told him I would be working and would not be able to text or talk. He left 4 voice messages asking me where I was and why I wasn't responding. I quickly texted to say I was working and would see him at 1:00 as planned. A short time later he texted again saying he had arrived early and was hoping I could meet sooner. He was over an hour early, I was not finished working. Again he called. At this point I was beyond annoyed, but tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was a bit flattering that he was so excited to meet, although being desperate is not an attractive trait.
I arrived on time as planned. Surprise, surprise, he didn't look like his picture. He looked older, but it was obvious he put a lot of effort into preparing for his date. His car was washed and he was wearing a dress shirt which he said he rarely wore. We walked downtown and talked. I asked more questions, many the same as during our phone conversation, but his responses were completely different. Previously he had said there was no point in travelling as he'd seen all he needed to see of the world. Slowly the truth came out. Apparently restaurants were a waste of money too. He talked about not having any money, living in a shitty apartment and how he worked at Tim Hortons, but that was all he needed because money wasn't important. Wait a second, when one has children, money is important as they need to be fed and taken care of. We were not off to a good start.
Now all of a sudden travel was huge after I said it was one of my favourite things to do. He was going to figure it out. He was making plans for how I was going to fix his kids who did nothing but play video games and post on Facebook. Since my kids were good students and athletic they could rub off on them. He talked about how his siblings were all well to do and he enjoyed black tie events, even though he didn't own a suit. He was trying way too hard to impress me and failed miserably. It was very obvious he was saying what he thought I wanted to hear, while contradicting everything he had said previously.
I ended the date early, there was no point. I told him I had to go back to work, which I did given all the interruptions that morning. He apologized, but said he thought I was going to cancel and he wanted to make sure I was going to come. Really? 20 texts and 6 phone calls? Great way to turn me off. He said he wanted to see me again as he had such a great time and he was very attracted to me. I was honest and told him I didn't feel the same way and wished him luck with his search. He got angry and left. When I logged back onto POF he had deleted all the emails and hidden his pictures. Whatever.
#9. Mr. Delivery Guy
Another email came in. His profile was very short. He was older, tall with dark hair and eyes. According to the profile he was widowed with children. His profession said driver.
The email was brief. He said he enjoyed reading my profile and would like to meet for coffee to get to know me better. We exchanged a few emails and then he suggested meeting for coffee the following weekend. I agreed. Usually I like to talk on the phone first, but this time I didn't bother. We arrived at roughly the same time. He looked like a deer in headlights. He couldn't speak and looked very uncomfortable. We walked to the coffee shop and he held the door open. I walked to the counter and he just stood there staring. I ordered my coffee and he didn't move or speak. The server asked him what he wanted and he didn't answer so I asked him what he wanted. He ordered and again stood there staring at me. I pulled out my wallet and paid since he wasn't moving.
Ok, strike one he didn't look like his picture, strike two I shouldn't be paying when he asked me out! And no, it's not about the money it's the principle. In my book, whoever asks the other out is paying. Not impressed.
We got our drinks and he spilled his coffee. He was so nervous he was shaking. This made me uncomfortable. Finally we sat down and he slowly became more relaxed. I asked about his kids and he opened up. He talked non-stop for over a half hour. Quickly I learned he wasn't a widower, he wasn't even living with her when she passed away. She had named him as the beneficiary of her estate because of the children after she found out she had terminal cancer. The boys had been living with her. So annoying when men claim to be widowed when in fact they are with someone else when their ex dies. Ok, this was strike three.
His sons were older than mine and were both away at school. He was lonely and looking for companionship, someone to move in and share the expenses. He worked as an office supply delivery person and had been working for the same company for 20 years. This was all fine and well, but he complained that money was tight and his parents had to help him out. Sad when a man in his fifties has to rely on his parents. He was more of a home body and only travelled when his parents invited him to their condo in Mexico. Again he was very much into watching sports, which does nothing for me. He also wanted to start working out to lose weight and get into better shape. He talked about being close with his ex-girlfriend and said they often did things together and hung out, but they were not compatible sexually. Ok, way too much information.
I finished my coffee and ended the date. This guy was totally not for me. He texted a few times after that, but I didn't respond. Part of me felt bad, but it pissed me off that he didn't even thank me for the coffee.
Once again, sooner or later you're going to meet so why lie? At the very least, look like your picture. Being a widow, it greatly offends me when guys use that category to get sympathy. If you're not married to and living with the woman when she passes away, you are not a widower.
Enough for tonight.
Dateless in Ottawa
Monday 24 September 2018
Do men not know their date of birth when creating their online dating profile?
What is up with men lying about their age? I think I've come across 10 profiles in a row of men who posted the wrong age. Most younger and two actually older. Then they state in their profile that they are really whatever age and don't know why they can't change the date. Really? Cause maybe you entered it incorrectly on purpose? The site clearly states there's a time limit for making changes or corrections. Obviously you chose not to fix it so you'd appear in searches you would otherwise be excluded from! Heck the easy solution is to delete the erroneous profile and create a new one, but I guess that would be too complicated and too much work for most. Lying is so much easier. Mistakes can be made as none of us are perfect, so for some we have to give them the benefit of the doubt, but really? We're adults, let's stop with the deception and games. When creating your profile, if you are unsure of your date of birth, refer to your birth certificate, driver's license or passport. If that fails, call your Mom as I'm quite certain she'll remember or for those men who are married, ask your wife!
I laugh at profiles where men admit they purposely entered the wrong date because they are interested in older or younger women and want to ensure they appear in their searches. Fessing up and admitting you lied about your age on your online dating profile is all fine and well, but it doesn't make it right nor will is score you brownie points. Already you've demonstrated you're dishonest, what else are you lying about?
We all have our preferences. If I state in my profile that my acceptable age range is 40-50. I expect the men appearing in my matches to fall within this age range. I don't care what your excuse is, if you fall outside of this range I'm not interested.
Looks like I may have to start asking the men I date for a piece of valid government identification to confirm their age. Sometimes just by looking at the picture it is blatantly obvious they are far older or younger than the age stated on the profile. Hilarious when you ask a guy his age and it doesn't match the details on the profile.
Guy: "Oh is that what is written on the profile? Must be a system error, I'll have to figure out how to fix it."
System error??? Sure cause you didn't know the age showing on your profile???? Whatever.
Yes, some of us are blessed with genes that makes us look younger while others don't age quite as gracefully. Sooner or later the truth comes out, so why lie and play games? Be proud of where you are in life and how much you've accomplished. Respect yourself and others. Life isn't always fair, but much like you have your preferences, so do others.
Some would argue that age is just a number. For the most part I agree, but when you look at the big picture, age can significantly impact a relationship. The topic of age is far more complex than a simple number. It's not to say it doesn't work for some, but in general from my experience it doesn't work. Large age differences become more apparent the older we get.
Many factors can impact a relationship when we're talking about age:
1. Stage in life
- career
newly in the work force, close to retirement, retired, entry level, promotions, travel, shift work, hours, over time, career goals, education, unemployed
- finances
high debt, no debt, mortgage, credit cards, lines of credit, savings, investments, financial goals, social class
- children
number of children, ages, educational needs, health needs, basic necessities, extra curricular activities, joint custody, special needs, behavioral issues
- flexibility and adaptability
common interests, personal interests, personal needs, willingness to try new things, ability/desire to relocate
- health
overall health, medication, physical fitness, mental health, special needs, accommodations, limitations, abilities, strengths
2. Religion, beliefs and customs
values, cultural differences, religious customs, traditions, ceremonies, family customs/beliefs, morals, habits
3. Life experiences
- travel
- education
- work/career
- accomplishments
4. Whether or not you have children
- Do you understand a child will always come first? Blood is thicker than water regardless of age.
- There are greater financial responsibilities attached to having children.
- When someone doesn't have children they many not understand that they will not come first. A parent puts the needs of their child first. The younger the child or children, the greater the dependency and amount of time they require from their parent(s).
5. Personal preferences
- life style
- interests
- habits
- personality
6. Social environment
- family
- friends
- colleagues
- team mates
- social circles
It's complicated. Have fun, but be honest. Pretending to be something or someone you're not will eventually blow up in your face.
I'm warming you up for the wonderful men of Round 35. Brace yourselves!
Dateless in Ottawa
I laugh at profiles where men admit they purposely entered the wrong date because they are interested in older or younger women and want to ensure they appear in their searches. Fessing up and admitting you lied about your age on your online dating profile is all fine and well, but it doesn't make it right nor will is score you brownie points. Already you've demonstrated you're dishonest, what else are you lying about?
We all have our preferences. If I state in my profile that my acceptable age range is 40-50. I expect the men appearing in my matches to fall within this age range. I don't care what your excuse is, if you fall outside of this range I'm not interested.
Looks like I may have to start asking the men I date for a piece of valid government identification to confirm their age. Sometimes just by looking at the picture it is blatantly obvious they are far older or younger than the age stated on the profile. Hilarious when you ask a guy his age and it doesn't match the details on the profile.
Guy: "Oh is that what is written on the profile? Must be a system error, I'll have to figure out how to fix it."
System error??? Sure cause you didn't know the age showing on your profile???? Whatever.
Yes, some of us are blessed with genes that makes us look younger while others don't age quite as gracefully. Sooner or later the truth comes out, so why lie and play games? Be proud of where you are in life and how much you've accomplished. Respect yourself and others. Life isn't always fair, but much like you have your preferences, so do others.
Some would argue that age is just a number. For the most part I agree, but when you look at the big picture, age can significantly impact a relationship. The topic of age is far more complex than a simple number. It's not to say it doesn't work for some, but in general from my experience it doesn't work. Large age differences become more apparent the older we get.
Many factors can impact a relationship when we're talking about age:
1. Stage in life
- career
newly in the work force, close to retirement, retired, entry level, promotions, travel, shift work, hours, over time, career goals, education, unemployed
- finances
high debt, no debt, mortgage, credit cards, lines of credit, savings, investments, financial goals, social class
- children
number of children, ages, educational needs, health needs, basic necessities, extra curricular activities, joint custody, special needs, behavioral issues
- flexibility and adaptability
common interests, personal interests, personal needs, willingness to try new things, ability/desire to relocate
- health
overall health, medication, physical fitness, mental health, special needs, accommodations, limitations, abilities, strengths
2. Religion, beliefs and customs
values, cultural differences, religious customs, traditions, ceremonies, family customs/beliefs, morals, habits
3. Life experiences
- travel
- education
- work/career
- accomplishments
4. Whether or not you have children
- Do you understand a child will always come first? Blood is thicker than water regardless of age.
- There are greater financial responsibilities attached to having children.
- When someone doesn't have children they many not understand that they will not come first. A parent puts the needs of their child first. The younger the child or children, the greater the dependency and amount of time they require from their parent(s).
5. Personal preferences
- life style
- interests
- habits
- personality
6. Social environment
- family
- friends
- colleagues
- team mates
- social circles
It's complicated. Have fun, but be honest. Pretending to be something or someone you're not will eventually blow up in your face.
I'm warming you up for the wonderful men of Round 35. Brace yourselves!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 9 September 2018
Why do men create online dating profiles if they have no intention of dating???
Before I initiate you to my Round 35 of Online Dating, I need some clarification. If you have an online dating profile, does it not imply you want to date? The correct answer should be yes and if so, does dating not further imply you would expect to meet potential candidates in person? Consider this a bit of a sneak peak of the challenges I'll be dealing with in Round 35.
When creating your online profile, if you choose any of the following categories as your intent:
Dating
Hangout
Friends
Relationship
Looking to find someone to marry
- perhaps you weren't aware, but it implies you are wanting to meet someone. Allow me to explain further with the help of definitions.
According to Wikipedia:
Dating - is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It is a form of courtship, consisting of social activities done by the couple, either alone or with others.
"Meet Socially" as in meet in person in a social setting. The options are endless, but the most common seems to be to meet for coffee or drinks.
According to the Urban Dictionary:
Hangout - Less serious than getting together or dating. Spending time with someone in the context of friendship or in the context of casually exploring whether you like someone as just a friend or maybe more than a friend.
According to the Oxford Dictionary:
Friends - a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.
According to the Collins Dictionary:
Relationship (note: in the context of dating) - A relationship is a close friendship between two people, especially one involving romantic or sexual feelings.
According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary:
Marriage - the relationship that exists between a husband and a wife. : a similar relationship between people of the same sex. : a ceremony in which two people are married to each other.
According to the Free Dictionary:
To get married - take in marriage, get hitched with, hook up with, marry, wed, conjoin, espouse, unite, unify - act in concert or unite in a common purpose or belief.
Based on the above definitions, I think it is blatantly obvious that one should assume they will be meeting people in the hopes of developing one of the above types of relationships if they choose to use online dating. Until such time as the category of "Pen Pal" is added, you should be prepared, able, willing and expecting to meet people in person. Hell, I'll take it a step further. With so many men using online dating for sex, it's kind of hard to have sex if you don't meet a woman in person. If all you're looking for is cybering or phone sex, there are all kinds of toll free numbers and other websites for that.
Online dating has certainly provided me with all kinds of knowledge I would not have acquired otherwise. At times there are many things I'd rather not know, but whatever. The terminology alone....I feel like I can't keep track! Cybering??? I had no idea what that was. Then there's all the different fetishes and sexual terms. Just when you thought you knew it all....Not!!!Must be my strict Catholic upbringing and Catholic School that shielded me from all of these crazy and out there trends or whatever you want to call them. Has normal become extinct? Can anyone tell me what normal is? I feel like I'm a dinosaur or something. So much for 40 being the new 20!
It's all good, live and let live. If you're happy, that's all that matters. Eventually we'll all find what we're looking for, or at least I hope so. Don't give up and always look for the positive side no matter how bad something seems.
At the end of the day everyone, if you're going to use online dating, be prepare to meet people. If this is not of any interest to you, then stop wasting other people's time. Nothing more annoying than endless emails and texts with individuals that have no intention of meeting. They must be bored or have nothing better to do than sit in front of their computers and type away. Even the suggestion to talk on the phone is unappealing, the minute you bring it up they disappear! Then there's those that make dates then cancel at the last minute. I can't believe how often guys get sick, have headaches or they fell asleep. Those that are supposedly sick must not recover cause I don't hear from them again.
Don't allow people to waste your time. If by the second week of emailing and/or texting a guy hasn't suggested meeting, I bring it up. If he doesn't make plans, I'm done. No doubt some guys might fall off their chair when I suggest it so quickly, but seriously we're not in kindergarden. Apparently many women can go months without agreeing to meet and from my experience, men can be worse. Yes, safety first, that's what Tim Horton's or a host of other coffee shops are good for. Stop making excuses. I'm not online to juggle dozens of men or serial date and if all I wanted to do was email and text, I may as well write a book! If you're serious, the only way to determine compatibility and chemistry is to meet in person. You'll know after the first date or definitely after the second whether or not there's potential.
Ok folks, get offline and date dammit!!!
Dateless in Ottawa
When creating your online profile, if you choose any of the following categories as your intent:
Dating
Hangout
Friends
Relationship
Looking to find someone to marry
- perhaps you weren't aware, but it implies you are wanting to meet someone. Allow me to explain further with the help of definitions.
According to Wikipedia:
Dating - is a stage of romantic relationships in humans whereby two people meet socially with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a prospective partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It is a form of courtship, consisting of social activities done by the couple, either alone or with others.
"Meet Socially" as in meet in person in a social setting. The options are endless, but the most common seems to be to meet for coffee or drinks.
According to the Urban Dictionary:
Hangout - Less serious than getting together or dating. Spending time with someone in the context of friendship or in the context of casually exploring whether you like someone as just a friend or maybe more than a friend.
According to the Oxford Dictionary:
Friends - a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.
According to the Collins Dictionary:
Relationship (note: in the context of dating) - A relationship is a close friendship between two people, especially one involving romantic or sexual feelings.
According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary:
Marriage - the relationship that exists between a husband and a wife. : a similar relationship between people of the same sex. : a ceremony in which two people are married to each other.
According to the Free Dictionary:
To get married - take in marriage, get hitched with, hook up with, marry, wed, conjoin, espouse, unite, unify - act in concert or unite in a common purpose or belief.
Based on the above definitions, I think it is blatantly obvious that one should assume they will be meeting people in the hopes of developing one of the above types of relationships if they choose to use online dating. Until such time as the category of "Pen Pal" is added, you should be prepared, able, willing and expecting to meet people in person. Hell, I'll take it a step further. With so many men using online dating for sex, it's kind of hard to have sex if you don't meet a woman in person. If all you're looking for is cybering or phone sex, there are all kinds of toll free numbers and other websites for that.
Online dating has certainly provided me with all kinds of knowledge I would not have acquired otherwise. At times there are many things I'd rather not know, but whatever. The terminology alone....I feel like I can't keep track! Cybering??? I had no idea what that was. Then there's all the different fetishes and sexual terms. Just when you thought you knew it all....Not!!!Must be my strict Catholic upbringing and Catholic School that shielded me from all of these crazy and out there trends or whatever you want to call them. Has normal become extinct? Can anyone tell me what normal is? I feel like I'm a dinosaur or something. So much for 40 being the new 20!
It's all good, live and let live. If you're happy, that's all that matters. Eventually we'll all find what we're looking for, or at least I hope so. Don't give up and always look for the positive side no matter how bad something seems.
At the end of the day everyone, if you're going to use online dating, be prepare to meet people. If this is not of any interest to you, then stop wasting other people's time. Nothing more annoying than endless emails and texts with individuals that have no intention of meeting. They must be bored or have nothing better to do than sit in front of their computers and type away. Even the suggestion to talk on the phone is unappealing, the minute you bring it up they disappear! Then there's those that make dates then cancel at the last minute. I can't believe how often guys get sick, have headaches or they fell asleep. Those that are supposedly sick must not recover cause I don't hear from them again.
Don't allow people to waste your time. If by the second week of emailing and/or texting a guy hasn't suggested meeting, I bring it up. If he doesn't make plans, I'm done. No doubt some guys might fall off their chair when I suggest it so quickly, but seriously we're not in kindergarden. Apparently many women can go months without agreeing to meet and from my experience, men can be worse. Yes, safety first, that's what Tim Horton's or a host of other coffee shops are good for. Stop making excuses. I'm not online to juggle dozens of men or serial date and if all I wanted to do was email and text, I may as well write a book! If you're serious, the only way to determine compatibility and chemistry is to meet in person. You'll know after the first date or definitely after the second whether or not there's potential.
Ok folks, get offline and date dammit!!!
Dateless in Ottawa
Thursday 6 September 2018
Sabatical over, time for Round 35 of Online Dating!
After a few months of endless travel and long hours at work, I decided that eventually I'd have to go back to online dating. I can't complain about being alone if I'm not willing to put in the effort to find someone. Prince Charming isn't going to fall into my lap. He's going to need some convincing and perhaps an invitation. Maybe he's lost and needs directions, who knows? I'd do it gradually and take it slow. My ego was still pretty bruised. While away on travel I'd log into my account occasionally just to view profiles and I'd add the ones that I thought had potential to my favourites list. When work slowed down I'd dive in a bit more seriously and write to those that had the most in common with me based on their profile and what I was looking for.
My profile would stay hidden, I wasn't ready to deal with emails just yet. I gave my profile a once over and made some minor changes. A friend provided feedback and I agreed with his recommendations to "Keep it simple". One day at a time, there was no rush.
Funny how you can be a consummate planner and plan things to the nth degree, but nothing ever seems to turns out the way you expect. That's the story of our lives! Definitely the case for me.
Stay tuned for another interesting round. At least I can honestly say my life is anything but boring. One day I'll look back on all of this and laugh. For now, I'll live it and keep my readers entertained.
Wish me luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
My profile would stay hidden, I wasn't ready to deal with emails just yet. I gave my profile a once over and made some minor changes. A friend provided feedback and I agreed with his recommendations to "Keep it simple". One day at a time, there was no rush.
Funny how you can be a consummate planner and plan things to the nth degree, but nothing ever seems to turns out the way you expect. That's the story of our lives! Definitely the case for me.
Stay tuned for another interesting round. At least I can honestly say my life is anything but boring. One day I'll look back on all of this and laugh. For now, I'll live it and keep my readers entertained.
Wish me luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Saturday 1 September 2018
The end of Round 34
Not surprising that I was feeling like online dating was getting the better of me. I was discouraged, tired and so dispirited. By the same token, my parents always taught us that nothing worth having comes easy so I pushed myself to venture on. I'm very stubborn and determined. I don't give up easily. I succeed in all other areas of life, dammit why is dating so freaking difficult???
The last experience of Round 34:
7. The French Engineer
A message had appeared in my inbox that someone had added me as a favourite. He was the same age as me, 6', divorced, had hazel eyes and a shaved head with a goatee. His profile pictures were ok, he looked overweight and a bit frumpy. A couple of pictures were from trips abroad to Asia so it was obvious he's travelled. There were also a few of him enjoying food at different restaurants. Our interests were similar. It said he was an engineer. The profile said he had children. It was nice that he also lived in the same city as me which is very rare.
I emailed him and touched on a few things from his profile. I also noted that I had yet to visit China so I was a little envious. He replied immediately.
We emailed for a bit then moved to texting. He was a great writer and had a great sense of humour. Soon after he suggested talking on the phone to plan a date. He had a great voice and a cute French accent. We texted and spoke regularly in English and French and finally planned a date. He often worked late so he suggested drinks in the market one night.
When I walked into the restaurant he was waiting for me at the entrance. I almost fell over when I saw him. OMG, he was gorgeous. He looked way better than his picture. Some people are just not photogenic, this was confirmed when he sent me a picture a few days later of him in his tacky plaid day costume. He was also taller which is not usually the case. He had to be at least 6'3" and dressed really well. We both ordered martinis and had a great conversation. He was originally from Montreal, but had worked all over the US and had travelled to Europe and Asia on business.
I was thrilled to learn he had a 6-year old son. This was perfect, I have a 6-year old daughter. He'd totally understand that parenting responsibilities come first. Sadly he explained his son was autistic and didn't speak at all. There were many challenges and it was difficult. He had joint custody of his son with his ex and that relationship was not very good. Sounded like they were not on the same page with parenting styles and didn't agree on activities their son should participate in.
We both enjoyed fine dining, travel and movies. Languages was another passion. He asked me what language I wanted to learn next and when I said Russian, I was shocked to learn he spoke it fluently. I'd have a teacher and he wanted to learn Spanish. In his case he didn't go out when he had his son and made it clear that this would not change as his son had special needs and he made the most of the time he had with him. Travel was a challenge and he now avoided work related trips because he hated being away from his son. We talked about my kids, our jobs, family and current events. The converstation flowed freely and we laughed throughout. At the end he gave me a hug and kissed me on both cheeks. I was disappointed he didn't offer to walk me to my car, but whatever.
I wasn't sure how he felt about me after the first date, but he texted that night to thank me for joining him and then again first thing the next morning. Then we made plans to go out again the following week as he had his son for the weekend and was going to Montreal to visit his parents.
We talked and texted daily and he was more often than not the initiator. I really enjoyed talking to him and things seemed to be going well. One night while we were talking my youngest walked in on me babbling away as usual. I told her Mommy was on the phone, I'd come see her afterwards. The phone was dead on the other end. He finally spoke and I could tell he was upset. He said, "She's so cute, I wish my son could speak. I've never heard him say I love you Dad." It broke my heart. I can't imagine and didn't know how to respond.
Later that week he was really excited one night and called me. His son had spoken! During dinner he said, "Yogurt please." OMG, he could speak he just refused to. We went out again and met at the casino for drinks. I don't know where the time went. We arrived at 7:00 pm and all of a sudden it was 1:00 am and we both had to work in the morning. He walked me to my truck, I was thrilled! Then I drove him to his car. He was a perfect gentleman, I wish he would have kissed me but oh well all in time. We made plans for the next several weeks.
One of the weeks he was going to make me dinner when I got back from a business trip and we planned our regular date night. I'd make dinner the following week and we'd go to his cottage afterwards. It was great that we lived so close to each other. I went on my business trip to Toronto. Sadly that week there was the incident with the van that killed 10 pedestrians. I was working not too far away. All day people were trying to reach me, but work was insane and I had turned off my cell phone. My colleagues and I had no idea what was going on outside until later that afternoon. Suddenly we couldn't leave the building where we were working. There was police everywhere. My Dad was watching my kids and trying to call me and finally got through. I was horrified when I learned what had happened. We had not been told to avoid panic.
Well, that incident did not sit well with my date. He was extremely upset and said this was a perfect example of how business travel is not good when we have kids. We texted into the night, he wanted to make sure I got back to the hotel safely and then that was it. I never heard from him again. No more texts, no more phone calls. I knew he had a huge deadline that week and there were major design flaws with the prototype he was working on so I figured he was just busy working on it to meet the deadline. A week later, still no word and he wasn't responding to any of my texts or voice messages. I was beyond disappointed. I left a message letting him know I was worried and if he needed anything to feel free to reach out anytime.
For a change things had appeared to be taking a turn for the better with online dating, then just as quickly and unexpectedly as it began, he disappears! He seemed so genuine, we got along and had made plans for weeks in advance. How could this happen? Why didn't he respond?
I waited a couple of weeks and figured that was it. I hadn't been on POF in almost 2 months since we started dating. Low and behold the moment I logged in his profile was the first to appear. He had updated his profile and added new pictures. I was so upset. What a slap in the face. If my travel was an issue or he had met someone else, fine just say so. A grown adult and he doesn't have the balls to be honest? Even more disappointing when the individual is well educated and a professional.
That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I couldn't do this any more. Time for a break, Round 34 was officially over and sadly not because I'd finally found a man. Thankfully there was a lot more travel coming up for work so I'd be too busy to date anyways. Not sure when or if I'll come back, this really hit me hard. I tried not to allow myself to get too excited, but after 2 months and all the plans we'd made things looked optimistic. How can one not get excited and stop looking? I've always been a one guy at a time type of gal, I'm not interested in juggling or playing games. I already have a full-time job and overbooked schedule, I don't have time to waste. He came across so sincere and honest.
It's the age old question....WHY? Obviously I'll never know the answer. Just very cowardly of a guy to cut off all communication cold turkey and jump right back onto POF. Did he not think I'd see his profile? Or wait, was that intentional because he didn't have the balls to tell me he was no longer interested? Hell at this point, just text if you can't tell a person on the phone or in person. But I guess that would be too much work. I'll leave it to Karma.
Off to heal my bruised ego. Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
The last experience of Round 34:
7. The French Engineer
A message had appeared in my inbox that someone had added me as a favourite. He was the same age as me, 6', divorced, had hazel eyes and a shaved head with a goatee. His profile pictures were ok, he looked overweight and a bit frumpy. A couple of pictures were from trips abroad to Asia so it was obvious he's travelled. There were also a few of him enjoying food at different restaurants. Our interests were similar. It said he was an engineer. The profile said he had children. It was nice that he also lived in the same city as me which is very rare.
I emailed him and touched on a few things from his profile. I also noted that I had yet to visit China so I was a little envious. He replied immediately.
We emailed for a bit then moved to texting. He was a great writer and had a great sense of humour. Soon after he suggested talking on the phone to plan a date. He had a great voice and a cute French accent. We texted and spoke regularly in English and French and finally planned a date. He often worked late so he suggested drinks in the market one night.
When I walked into the restaurant he was waiting for me at the entrance. I almost fell over when I saw him. OMG, he was gorgeous. He looked way better than his picture. Some people are just not photogenic, this was confirmed when he sent me a picture a few days later of him in his tacky plaid day costume. He was also taller which is not usually the case. He had to be at least 6'3" and dressed really well. We both ordered martinis and had a great conversation. He was originally from Montreal, but had worked all over the US and had travelled to Europe and Asia on business.
I was thrilled to learn he had a 6-year old son. This was perfect, I have a 6-year old daughter. He'd totally understand that parenting responsibilities come first. Sadly he explained his son was autistic and didn't speak at all. There were many challenges and it was difficult. He had joint custody of his son with his ex and that relationship was not very good. Sounded like they were not on the same page with parenting styles and didn't agree on activities their son should participate in.
We both enjoyed fine dining, travel and movies. Languages was another passion. He asked me what language I wanted to learn next and when I said Russian, I was shocked to learn he spoke it fluently. I'd have a teacher and he wanted to learn Spanish. In his case he didn't go out when he had his son and made it clear that this would not change as his son had special needs and he made the most of the time he had with him. Travel was a challenge and he now avoided work related trips because he hated being away from his son. We talked about my kids, our jobs, family and current events. The converstation flowed freely and we laughed throughout. At the end he gave me a hug and kissed me on both cheeks. I was disappointed he didn't offer to walk me to my car, but whatever.
I wasn't sure how he felt about me after the first date, but he texted that night to thank me for joining him and then again first thing the next morning. Then we made plans to go out again the following week as he had his son for the weekend and was going to Montreal to visit his parents.
We talked and texted daily and he was more often than not the initiator. I really enjoyed talking to him and things seemed to be going well. One night while we were talking my youngest walked in on me babbling away as usual. I told her Mommy was on the phone, I'd come see her afterwards. The phone was dead on the other end. He finally spoke and I could tell he was upset. He said, "She's so cute, I wish my son could speak. I've never heard him say I love you Dad." It broke my heart. I can't imagine and didn't know how to respond.
Later that week he was really excited one night and called me. His son had spoken! During dinner he said, "Yogurt please." OMG, he could speak he just refused to. We went out again and met at the casino for drinks. I don't know where the time went. We arrived at 7:00 pm and all of a sudden it was 1:00 am and we both had to work in the morning. He walked me to my truck, I was thrilled! Then I drove him to his car. He was a perfect gentleman, I wish he would have kissed me but oh well all in time. We made plans for the next several weeks.
One of the weeks he was going to make me dinner when I got back from a business trip and we planned our regular date night. I'd make dinner the following week and we'd go to his cottage afterwards. It was great that we lived so close to each other. I went on my business trip to Toronto. Sadly that week there was the incident with the van that killed 10 pedestrians. I was working not too far away. All day people were trying to reach me, but work was insane and I had turned off my cell phone. My colleagues and I had no idea what was going on outside until later that afternoon. Suddenly we couldn't leave the building where we were working. There was police everywhere. My Dad was watching my kids and trying to call me and finally got through. I was horrified when I learned what had happened. We had not been told to avoid panic.
Well, that incident did not sit well with my date. He was extremely upset and said this was a perfect example of how business travel is not good when we have kids. We texted into the night, he wanted to make sure I got back to the hotel safely and then that was it. I never heard from him again. No more texts, no more phone calls. I knew he had a huge deadline that week and there were major design flaws with the prototype he was working on so I figured he was just busy working on it to meet the deadline. A week later, still no word and he wasn't responding to any of my texts or voice messages. I was beyond disappointed. I left a message letting him know I was worried and if he needed anything to feel free to reach out anytime.
For a change things had appeared to be taking a turn for the better with online dating, then just as quickly and unexpectedly as it began, he disappears! He seemed so genuine, we got along and had made plans for weeks in advance. How could this happen? Why didn't he respond?
I waited a couple of weeks and figured that was it. I hadn't been on POF in almost 2 months since we started dating. Low and behold the moment I logged in his profile was the first to appear. He had updated his profile and added new pictures. I was so upset. What a slap in the face. If my travel was an issue or he had met someone else, fine just say so. A grown adult and he doesn't have the balls to be honest? Even more disappointing when the individual is well educated and a professional.
That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I couldn't do this any more. Time for a break, Round 34 was officially over and sadly not because I'd finally found a man. Thankfully there was a lot more travel coming up for work so I'd be too busy to date anyways. Not sure when or if I'll come back, this really hit me hard. I tried not to allow myself to get too excited, but after 2 months and all the plans we'd made things looked optimistic. How can one not get excited and stop looking? I've always been a one guy at a time type of gal, I'm not interested in juggling or playing games. I already have a full-time job and overbooked schedule, I don't have time to waste. He came across so sincere and honest.
It's the age old question....WHY? Obviously I'll never know the answer. Just very cowardly of a guy to cut off all communication cold turkey and jump right back onto POF. Did he not think I'd see his profile? Or wait, was that intentional because he didn't have the balls to tell me he was no longer interested? Hell at this point, just text if you can't tell a person on the phone or in person. But I guess that would be too much work. I'll leave it to Karma.
Off to heal my bruised ego. Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Tuesday 28 August 2018
Online Dating and the definition of being employed
My have times changed. Some may not appreciate this post. Yes, I'm angry and frustrated and need to vent. When did it become acceptable and common place for men in their forties and fifties to be living off of their parents? Or what about those living off of social assistance or disability benefits? Don't get me wrong, we do have social and disability programs in place to help those that need it. Anyone can fall on hard times or sustain an injury at work and need some help, but when it's gone on for countless years with no effort to go back to school to learn new skills, look for work or they are not following any kind of treatment program (whether medical or otherwise) in an effort to improve their physical or mental health, in my opinion they are abusing the system. Even worse when they brag about it and provide me with tips on how to prolong it. Are you kidding me??? Is that suppose to make you more appealing to me? The fact that you are not working is bad enough, not to mention you lied about having a job, do you need to make it worse? Trust me, you need to quit while you're behind. These programs are intended to be temporary to help you through a rough patch, kind of like a bridge loan. They are not to be used indefinitely by those that are able and capable of working. I'm floored at how many men I communicate with online who state in their online dating profiles they are employed or have a career/profession, but after exchanging a few emails or having a telephone conversation I quickly discover they are actually not working and many haven't worked in years! Do they not understand the question or what it means to be gainfully employed, have a job, a career, a profession or work? You'd think this would be a very simple yes or no question. Either you're working and collecting a pay cheque or not. If you're retired or independently wealthy, that's a different story.
It's extremely difficult to accept the excuses provided by these men that claim to be seeking a relationship. At this stage in life, many of these men also have children. I can't imagine not being able to provide for my kids. Plus, let's be completely honest dating costs money. You don't have to spend a fortunate going out, but you do have to have some money to take your date our for coffee or a movie. Having friends with severe medical limitation like being 100% blind or having full blown MS that work full-time and refuse to apply for benefits because they feel they would be abusing the system makes these men look even worse.
What happened to self-pride, having a strong work ethic, success and a feeling of accomplishment? Being able to say, "I did it myself." "My hard work has paid off." I know everyone is different and levels of resiliency vary, but it's very scary when these able individuals hang off the skirt/coat tales of their parents or cry victim because they worked under the table, got hurt and now have no benefits and somehow this is society's fault. Quite the burden to put on aging parents who have worked their entire lives. The sense of entitlement and attitude makes me furious. They show no guilt and there's no sense of urgency. Very sad and what a negative example for their children. These guys seem to be looking for a sugar mommy to further supplement their existence. No thanks, I'll pass. My guy friends tell me similar stories about women they meet online.
Saying you are "between jobs" is a more fancy and positive way of spinning the fact that you are unemployed. In some cases this is true, I've lived it myself. Life is full of surprises, anyone can lose their job at any time. Job security is a luxury that no longer exists. Sadly this does not appear to be the case with men using online dating. The last six guys in a row that I've communicated with have not been working for periods exceeding as much as 5 years. How long is a reasonable period of time that qualifies one as being between jobs? 6 months, a year, 5 years? Yes companies shut down or downsize, but in my opinion, beggars can't be choosers. If you truly want to work, you will find a job. Available jobs may not be as appealing or prestigious as what you once had, they may not pay as well either, but you take what you can get and continue to look for something better. Between jobs implies you are looking for work, these guys are doing no such thing. Way easier to live off of others or benefit programs all the while complaining and/or bragging about it.
Given how complex and confusing work related terminology appears to be, perhaps we need to review a couple of definitions to clarify so that everyone is on the same page. How I wish I could post this on the online dating site!
According to the Business Dictionary:
Employed: persons who are employed full-time or part-time during a specified payroll period. Temporary employees and those on paid-leave are included in this definition.
Gainful employment: employment situation where the employee receives consistent work and payment from the employer.
Job: a group of homogeneous tasks related by similarity of functions. When performed by an employee in an exchange for pay, a job consists of duties, responsibilities, and tasks (performance elements) that are (1) defined and specific, and (2) can be accomplished, quantified, measured, and rated.
According to Wikipedia:
Gainful employment: refers to an employment situation where the employee receives steady work and payment from the employer.
According to the Free Dictionary:
Gainful employment: a job that allows self-sufficiency. Gainful employment usually (but not always) implies work in a white collar or skilled blue collar position.
Career: a chosen pursuit; a profession or occupation.
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
Job: a) a regular remunerative position;
b) the work that a person does regularly to earn money.
Work: to perform work or fulfill duties regularly for wages or salary.
Occupation: the work that a person does.
According to the Online Dictionary:
Work: having paid employment.
Occupation: a job or profession.
Between jobs: it means that a person is currently unemployed — having quit, been fired, or laid off from his or her previous job, or the previous job was temporary and has now ended — and the person has not yet found a new job.
Unemployed: a person without a paid job, but available to work.
According to the Collins Dictionary:
Career: the job or profession that someone does for a long period of their life. Your career is the part of your life that you spend working.
According to Dictionary.com:
Occupation: a person's usual or principal work or business, especially as a means of earning a living; vocation.
According to the MacMillan Dictionary:
Between jobs: if someone is between jobs, they do not have a job at the moment but are actively looking for one.
According to the Cambridge English Dictionary:
Unemployed: not having a job that provides money.
If the above definitions are not clear enough, do a Google search. Chances are if you're not getting a pay cheque every couple of weeks, you should answer "NO" to being employed or having a job. At the end of the day, be honest. Sooner or later, the truth always comes out so there's no point in lying. As it relates to a relationship, personally I want someone that can contribute, who at the very least can manage his own expenses. It's a partnership and team work. I have 4 kids. If I wanted another dependent, I'd have another kid!
Be careful and ask lots of questions. Don't believe everything you read on an online dating profile. At this rate, I may have to start asking for a guy's last 3 pay stubs and a copy of his previous year's tax return!
Dateless in Ottawa
It's extremely difficult to accept the excuses provided by these men that claim to be seeking a relationship. At this stage in life, many of these men also have children. I can't imagine not being able to provide for my kids. Plus, let's be completely honest dating costs money. You don't have to spend a fortunate going out, but you do have to have some money to take your date our for coffee or a movie. Having friends with severe medical limitation like being 100% blind or having full blown MS that work full-time and refuse to apply for benefits because they feel they would be abusing the system makes these men look even worse.
What happened to self-pride, having a strong work ethic, success and a feeling of accomplishment? Being able to say, "I did it myself." "My hard work has paid off." I know everyone is different and levels of resiliency vary, but it's very scary when these able individuals hang off the skirt/coat tales of their parents or cry victim because they worked under the table, got hurt and now have no benefits and somehow this is society's fault. Quite the burden to put on aging parents who have worked their entire lives. The sense of entitlement and attitude makes me furious. They show no guilt and there's no sense of urgency. Very sad and what a negative example for their children. These guys seem to be looking for a sugar mommy to further supplement their existence. No thanks, I'll pass. My guy friends tell me similar stories about women they meet online.
Saying you are "between jobs" is a more fancy and positive way of spinning the fact that you are unemployed. In some cases this is true, I've lived it myself. Life is full of surprises, anyone can lose their job at any time. Job security is a luxury that no longer exists. Sadly this does not appear to be the case with men using online dating. The last six guys in a row that I've communicated with have not been working for periods exceeding as much as 5 years. How long is a reasonable period of time that qualifies one as being between jobs? 6 months, a year, 5 years? Yes companies shut down or downsize, but in my opinion, beggars can't be choosers. If you truly want to work, you will find a job. Available jobs may not be as appealing or prestigious as what you once had, they may not pay as well either, but you take what you can get and continue to look for something better. Between jobs implies you are looking for work, these guys are doing no such thing. Way easier to live off of others or benefit programs all the while complaining and/or bragging about it.
Given how complex and confusing work related terminology appears to be, perhaps we need to review a couple of definitions to clarify so that everyone is on the same page. How I wish I could post this on the online dating site!
According to the Business Dictionary:
Employed: persons who are employed full-time or part-time during a specified payroll period. Temporary employees and those on paid-leave are included in this definition.
Gainful employment: employment situation where the employee receives consistent work and payment from the employer.
Job: a group of homogeneous tasks related by similarity of functions. When performed by an employee in an exchange for pay, a job consists of duties, responsibilities, and tasks (performance elements) that are (1) defined and specific, and (2) can be accomplished, quantified, measured, and rated.
According to Wikipedia:
Gainful employment: refers to an employment situation where the employee receives steady work and payment from the employer.
According to the Free Dictionary:
Gainful employment: a job that allows self-sufficiency. Gainful employment usually (but not always) implies work in a white collar or skilled blue collar position.
Career: a chosen pursuit; a profession or occupation.
According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
Job: a) a regular remunerative position;
b) the work that a person does regularly to earn money.
Work: to perform work or fulfill duties regularly for wages or salary.
Occupation: the work that a person does.
According to the Online Dictionary:
Work: having paid employment.
Occupation: a job or profession.
Between jobs: it means that a person is currently unemployed — having quit, been fired, or laid off from his or her previous job, or the previous job was temporary and has now ended — and the person has not yet found a new job.
Unemployed: a person without a paid job, but available to work.
According to the Collins Dictionary:
Career: the job or profession that someone does for a long period of their life. Your career is the part of your life that you spend working.
According to Dictionary.com:
Occupation: a person's usual or principal work or business, especially as a means of earning a living; vocation.
According to the MacMillan Dictionary:
Between jobs: if someone is between jobs, they do not have a job at the moment but are actively looking for one.
According to the Cambridge English Dictionary:
Unemployed: not having a job that provides money.
If the above definitions are not clear enough, do a Google search. Chances are if you're not getting a pay cheque every couple of weeks, you should answer "NO" to being employed or having a job. At the end of the day, be honest. Sooner or later, the truth always comes out so there's no point in lying. As it relates to a relationship, personally I want someone that can contribute, who at the very least can manage his own expenses. It's a partnership and team work. I have 4 kids. If I wanted another dependent, I'd have another kid!
Be careful and ask lots of questions. Don't believe everything you read on an online dating profile. At this rate, I may have to start asking for a guy's last 3 pay stubs and a copy of his previous year's tax return!
Dateless in Ottawa
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