So round 34 continues. There were quite a few emails. So much for trying not to log in often. I find every time I'm online, even more emails come in as other users can see I'm logged in!
Ok, time to read emails and start weeding out the undesirable candidates.
#4. Mr.....I can't even categorize this one. Psychopath, obsessed???
This guy was the same age as me. He's the one with the weird profile going on and on about how much he loved his ex-girlfriend and how he continues to deliver meals to her. In fact I also learned he's the same one that had a profile that explained the differences between nipple skin and elbow skin, interesting that he changed his picture for that profile. I had blocked this user 4 times already, yet he'd create a whole new profile with a new username and managed to find me every time. This was becoming extremely annoying. I wrote and asked him to stop contacting me. Was the fact that I had blocked him 4 times not a blatantly obvious enough sign that I wasn't interested? This left me no choice but to contact POF and report that this guy's profile and emails were inappropriate and I felt like I was being stalked. They deleted his profile. Well, he created yet another and wrote to me again. Good grief, I give up!
Why can't people take no for an answer? There should be no need to have to repeat oneself numerous times. Even what was written in his profiles was deeply disturbing. Don't the POF administrators randomly review profiles for content? Is it only when a complaint is placed that they take action? I would hope that anytime a user is blocked that they go in and check why or ask the person blocking them what the problem is. No doubt some complaints may be unfounded, but either way if you're not interested, you're not interested!
#5. Mr. Couple
This guy was attractive and slightly younger than me. The email started off great, then took a major nose dive. Where the hell in my profile does it say I'm looking for a threesome? I had to go in and verify to make sure my profile hadn't been changed. No, it clearly states I'm a woman looking for a man. Furthermore, it does not say seeking a man and a woman! So I went back to my emails and reread it to make sure I hadn't misunderstood. Nope, I didn't.
This guy read my profile and felt I sounded very interesting. He then had his girlfriend read it who was older than me and they decided I'd make a great addition to their sex life. They lived in the same city and were looking for someone open minded and flexible to have some fun and explore pleasure together. They wanted to meet for coffee to discuss the possibilities as well as any fetishes or fantasies I'd be interested in acting out.
OMG! Are these people for real? Sorry, not my cup of tea. NEXT!!!!!
#6. Mr. Repeat Offender
This guy was my age. Quite tall with dark hair and dark eyes. Another repeat offender. He was an entrepreneur with a pet grooming business on the side who worked in IT as a profession. This guy had written numerous times over the years and on different sites. He contacts me and writes fast and furious with emails of flattery and wanting to meet only to delete his profile days later, then create a new one with the same picture and contact me again as if he'd never emailed me before.
He caught me on a bad day and I had no patience. Typically I would just play along and have fun with the emails, but today was a day from hell. I was fed up and not in the mood for games.
I called him out and told him he'd contacted me numerous times over the years. He does the exact same thing every time. I'm sick and tired of him wasting my time. His response, "I was going through a rough patch and decided to delete my profile until I sorted things out." 6 f------ times? If you're that insecure or messed up, maybe you should stay away from online dating all together! Why did he feel the need to waste people's time and then pretend like he's never contacted you over and over again. Often times within a week. Was he that unstable that he had to sort things out weekly? WTF? Are you kidding me? Perhaps he's suffering from multiple personality disorder since he's forever having to create new user names. You don't remember all the emails you sent last week and the dinner invite? It was only a few days ago and now you have a new username with the same picture? I had saved his emails and sent them to him. Lately I tend to copy and save some of the more outrageous emails and profiles for times just like these. Always nice to have ammunition. Funny how his profile disappeared as quickly as he'd emailed. I guess he didn't have anything further to say. We'll see how long it takes him to create another profile and contact me again! Anyone want to place a bet???
Why do men play these games? Do they truly believe women are that stupid and that we won't recognize their picture when they use the exact same one over and over again? Dude, you create new profiles weekly using the same pic.....HELLO!
#7. The Café Owner
He was slightly older and tall with dark hair and dark eyes. He was Italian. I could tell his pictures were older and low and behold he was wearing a wedding band in one of them. The profile said he was divorced and had children. He lived in Montreal. His email was polite and well written as was his profile. It stated he was looking for a relationship.
I wrote back and mentioned I didn't live in Montreal so why would he write? He claimed he was willing to travel for the right person, distance should not be an obstacle when one is searching for love. I agreed, one should be open minded and flexible. He said he was very taken by my pictures and what I had written in my profile. I was just the kind of woman he was looking for. We had similar interests and came from European backgrounds.
As luck would have it, I had a business trip to Montreal coming up the following week. We agreed to meet for coffee. When I arrived in Montreal we talked a few times and I told him I'd let him know when my schedule would open up so we could meet. I said I would pick a place and we could go from there. He was part owner of a coffee shop and usually worked the night shift. Another option would be to drop by the coffee shop in the evening if I couldn't get away during the day before he started work.
Immediately he became very indecisive. He was the one that was all excited and available to meet, but suddenly he wasn't sure he could meet me and would have to run it by his partner. What? He needed permission from his partner to go on a date? This made no sense. When I got my schedule I called him and let him know when I'd be free and where I wanted to meet. At first he agreed, then 5 minutes later he called back saying we should meet in the food court across from my hotel instead because it would be too far for him to go the restaurant I had picked. Funny because the restaurant was only 2 blocks away from my hotel and I made sure there was parking. I pointed out that due to the event I was working on, there were road closures and he wouldn't be able to access the mall plus there was no parking there. He argued. Nope, I was going to the restaurant I had picked and he could choose to join me or not. Of course he was a no show. He tried calling and I didn't answer. His voice message said traffic was bad and he had to start work earlier. Yeah right, he was full of it.
He called later that afternoon, but from an unknown number. I thought it was a colleague calling, had I known it was him I wouldn't have answered. He said he'd lost his cell phone and this was a new number I could call. During the conversation he mentioned he was having difficulty with his wife. Wait a second, wife? Oh, hold on now I understood the story about the new cell phone. Loosely translated, he probably got another cell phone his wife doesn't have access to. His profile said he was divorced! When I questioned him he said he must have made a mistake when he created the profile. He had just left his wife. For now he just wanted to get out and meet people, you know have fun. Sure, as in screw around? No thanks, the profile clearly states divorced looking for a relationship. Gee let me guess, you made 2 mistakes while filling out the profile? I think not. Let's not focus on details, but we had several discussion about what we were looking for and "just having fun" was not one of my criteria. Best of luck with your search.
What is it that brings out the worst in people? Why do people have to be dishonest? Does online dating encourage this behaviour? I guess when you're hiding behind a computer screen it's so much easier to lie. Online dating could be an amazing tool, but when people are dishonest it ruins it for those who are being genuine and truly seeking a relationship. People blame the online dating sites and that isn't fair. The site is merely the tool designed to help users. At the end of the day the users who go in and create the profiles, input information and upload pictures are the ones responsible for the negativity associated with these sites. They are the ones that give online dating a bad name and cause others to become jaded and give up. Do they for one second think about the effect their lies have on others? More than likely not, or they simply don't care. Sadly they are too wrapped up in themselves and what they want with no consideration whatsoever to the negative impact it has on others. Sooner or later the truth comes out and innocent people get hurt. Most of these guys are so stupid they can't even keep track of their own lies, what they write in their profiles or what they tell the women they are communicating with.
This round is going very badly. Again there were several emails soliciting sex or being rude. So much for being adults. Highly unlikely men would say these things or behave his way if they were sitting across from you. My teenagers display far more decorum and manners than most of the guys on this site. Very hard to remain positive and not throw in the towel. A person can only take so much. I feel emotionally drained. One after the other, when does it end? How is one supposed to trust anyone when you are subjected to this type of behaviour? Very difficult not to paint everyone with the same brush and assume everyone is lying. Thank goodness for business trips. I need a long break from all of this bullshit. Maybe I'll meet someone while I'm away working?
Good luck, everyone. Try not to give up and remember to treat others the way you want to be treated.
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 24 June 2018
Friday 22 June 2018
Round 34 Continued! Dating is hard!
In 2018, what is one to do when they are searching for love? Drum roll please.......the correct answer is use online dating!!! Lol
There aren't many options, so back to online dating I went to sift through more profiles and emails. Not sure what was going on. This time around I was getting way more emails - wait, quantity yes. Quality??? Well, that's another story! Are there suddenly more single people? Was there a sudden spike in divorce rates and break-ups? Are more married men suffering from a mid-life crisis looking to cheat and play games? Is Spring fever to blame? Very odd, but on a positive note perhaps more potential candidates???
Statistics claim that one has to meet upwards of 100 potential candidates before finding a match. I'm no where near 100, so sadly this means my search has only just begun. I'm trying to stay positive and simply enjoy the moment, but it's hard.
When talking to girlfriends, I ask them for their opinions, tips, tricks, advice anything that can help me in my quest to find a man. Kind of hard for them to help when they've all been married forever. Things weren't like this years ago, they have no clue what it's like trying to date in 2018. At my age, I find it harder to date. Everyone says it should be easier, but it's not. First of all I'm a single Mom of 4 kids aged 17 and under. They live with me full-time so obviously a lot of my time is devoted to my kids. Then add to that a very demanding job that has me travelling frequently. Interestingly enough, I am very creative. No matter how busy I am, I manage to find the time to schedule just about anything. Whether it's an impromptu shopping adventure to the US, kids' sports competition, a ballet, brunch with a close friend, catering for a church function, visiting family or a girls' night out, magically my calendar suddenly has openings to accommodate everyone! I actually manage to impress myself, not sure how I do it.
I think what I find hardest is the intimacy part. You meet someone, enjoy their company and sooner or later sex has to happen. The physical aspect is extremely important and will certainly make or break a relationship. At my house this is a challenge. I'm not going to bring men home with my kids there. My older ones are up late, not like when they were younger and in bed early. A few years back I could get a sitter, go out for dinner, bring someone home, send the sitter on her way and know the kids were out like rocks until morning. I didn't worry about making noise or waking them up. Not the same now. With teenagers I try to be more discreet and lead by example. I'm not going to let my teenagers bring people home for sex so I have a hard time allowing myself to do it. Sex is meant to be enjoyed. If I'm worried about making noise or I know my teenagers are awake down stairs in the living room or across the hall in their bedroom, I just can't let go and enjoy myself and my partner probably won't either. With our luck my six year-old will be banging on my door asking what we're doing!
Even worse when you date another single parent that also has full-time custody of their kids. Especially when they think the same way I do. Where do we go? What do we do? Is there truly a negative impact to our kids or is it just us being too over protective? It shouldn't be this complicated, our parents had sex and we turned out fine. At my age do I really want to be making out in the back seat of a car? Might be a fun thing to do once in a while, but really? No, at my age a bed is far more comfortable and not the first time. I didn't even do that as a teenager, besides where would we go? There used to be a few lovers' lanes around the city, but with all this construction and new housing projects they're all gone. Man I feel old!
There's also feeling really rusty and out of practice. You start to wonder whether you can even do it! Sex is supposed to be like riding a bike, you never forget. Yeah right! It's not about forgetting what it's like or how wonderful it can be. I can't speak for others, but I feel self-conscious and inexperienced. Kind of like becoming a born again virgin! Dating is supposed to be fun, but it's stressful. Who calls who first? How often to text or email? How far in advance should plans be made? Who pays when you go out? When do you have sex for the first time? Where do you have sex? How do you even get to that discussion? Then the oh so fun one....safe sex and birth control! Am I just overthinking? We are by far our own worst critics.
When I explained to my girlfriend all of the above, she better understood and agreed. Being single and living on your own or with roommates definitely makes dating a lot easier. You have so much more freedom. One can come and go as one pleases. With children in the picture, you have to be more responsible and protective. My children in particular have been through a lot. I've seen how quickly they can become attached to someone and then get hurt when that person suddenly disappears. I don't want just anyone around my kids or a revolving door of strangers. The person has to be respectful, someone who's a positive role model. I'm not looking for a Dad, but hopefully one day he will treat them as his own. In turn I would also want my children to accept and grow to love him. If they can't get along and accept each other, it isn't going to work for me or any of us.
Ok, time to sift through more emails. My perfect match has to be out there somewhere. I think he's lost, he should really ask for directions! Lol
Good luck and stay tuned to my dating adventures!
Dateless in Ottawa
There aren't many options, so back to online dating I went to sift through more profiles and emails. Not sure what was going on. This time around I was getting way more emails - wait, quantity yes. Quality??? Well, that's another story! Are there suddenly more single people? Was there a sudden spike in divorce rates and break-ups? Are more married men suffering from a mid-life crisis looking to cheat and play games? Is Spring fever to blame? Very odd, but on a positive note perhaps more potential candidates???
Statistics claim that one has to meet upwards of 100 potential candidates before finding a match. I'm no where near 100, so sadly this means my search has only just begun. I'm trying to stay positive and simply enjoy the moment, but it's hard.
When talking to girlfriends, I ask them for their opinions, tips, tricks, advice anything that can help me in my quest to find a man. Kind of hard for them to help when they've all been married forever. Things weren't like this years ago, they have no clue what it's like trying to date in 2018. At my age, I find it harder to date. Everyone says it should be easier, but it's not. First of all I'm a single Mom of 4 kids aged 17 and under. They live with me full-time so obviously a lot of my time is devoted to my kids. Then add to that a very demanding job that has me travelling frequently. Interestingly enough, I am very creative. No matter how busy I am, I manage to find the time to schedule just about anything. Whether it's an impromptu shopping adventure to the US, kids' sports competition, a ballet, brunch with a close friend, catering for a church function, visiting family or a girls' night out, magically my calendar suddenly has openings to accommodate everyone! I actually manage to impress myself, not sure how I do it.
I think what I find hardest is the intimacy part. You meet someone, enjoy their company and sooner or later sex has to happen. The physical aspect is extremely important and will certainly make or break a relationship. At my house this is a challenge. I'm not going to bring men home with my kids there. My older ones are up late, not like when they were younger and in bed early. A few years back I could get a sitter, go out for dinner, bring someone home, send the sitter on her way and know the kids were out like rocks until morning. I didn't worry about making noise or waking them up. Not the same now. With teenagers I try to be more discreet and lead by example. I'm not going to let my teenagers bring people home for sex so I have a hard time allowing myself to do it. Sex is meant to be enjoyed. If I'm worried about making noise or I know my teenagers are awake down stairs in the living room or across the hall in their bedroom, I just can't let go and enjoy myself and my partner probably won't either. With our luck my six year-old will be banging on my door asking what we're doing!
Even worse when you date another single parent that also has full-time custody of their kids. Especially when they think the same way I do. Where do we go? What do we do? Is there truly a negative impact to our kids or is it just us being too over protective? It shouldn't be this complicated, our parents had sex and we turned out fine. At my age do I really want to be making out in the back seat of a car? Might be a fun thing to do once in a while, but really? No, at my age a bed is far more comfortable and not the first time. I didn't even do that as a teenager, besides where would we go? There used to be a few lovers' lanes around the city, but with all this construction and new housing projects they're all gone. Man I feel old!
There's also feeling really rusty and out of practice. You start to wonder whether you can even do it! Sex is supposed to be like riding a bike, you never forget. Yeah right! It's not about forgetting what it's like or how wonderful it can be. I can't speak for others, but I feel self-conscious and inexperienced. Kind of like becoming a born again virgin! Dating is supposed to be fun, but it's stressful. Who calls who first? How often to text or email? How far in advance should plans be made? Who pays when you go out? When do you have sex for the first time? Where do you have sex? How do you even get to that discussion? Then the oh so fun one....safe sex and birth control! Am I just overthinking? We are by far our own worst critics.
When I explained to my girlfriend all of the above, she better understood and agreed. Being single and living on your own or with roommates definitely makes dating a lot easier. You have so much more freedom. One can come and go as one pleases. With children in the picture, you have to be more responsible and protective. My children in particular have been through a lot. I've seen how quickly they can become attached to someone and then get hurt when that person suddenly disappears. I don't want just anyone around my kids or a revolving door of strangers. The person has to be respectful, someone who's a positive role model. I'm not looking for a Dad, but hopefully one day he will treat them as his own. In turn I would also want my children to accept and grow to love him. If they can't get along and accept each other, it isn't going to work for me or any of us.
Ok, time to sift through more emails. My perfect match has to be out there somewhere. I think he's lost, he should really ask for directions! Lol
Good luck and stay tuned to my dating adventures!
Dateless in Ottawa
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