Predators come in all shapes and sizes. The ones I've interacted with seem to have very similar characteristics. My list won't be fool proof, at the end of the day follow your gut. As I've said many times before, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!
Of the 4 or 5 predators I've had the pleasure of corresponding with, these are the trends I have identified:
1. All of them claimed to be engineers. Unfortunate to paint all engineers with the same paint brush, but we can't change the facts. I guess this being a white collar profession, they want to appear to have a successful career and lots of money. Kind of hypocritical since soon after corresponding with you they ask for money!!!
2. Half of them claimed to be widowers. Their wives died of cancer. This is how they play their sympathy card. Poor lonely widower searching for love.
3. Each of them had a sob story in addition to having lost their wives. One lost his son to a car accident at the age of 5, another lost both parents also in a car accident leaving him and his sister orphaned and one lost his parents who had him much later in life. This further sucks you into feeling even more sorry for them.
4. They claim to be new to online dating and never having used it before, at least this was the case with all the ones that contacted me. What a coincidence!
5. Pictures look flawless and they make it a point to show off their toys. Convertible cars, exotic locations, fancy houses, designer clothing, jewelry, watches....you get the picture. Once again, they give you the impression that they live in the lap of luxury, then try to hit you up for money to buy a plane ticket or in one case Bit Coins to buy research journals???
6. They don't have any immediate family living close by, if they even have any living relatives. Everyone seems to live in other countries on the other side of the world. Some claim to be too busy building a career or move around too much to have time for friends.
7. They tend to delete or hide their profiles and claim it is due to being private and wanting to protect their professional image and reputation. Yeah sure, you mean hide so that all the women don't find your profile and see when you're online?
8. They ask you to remove your profile as you've found "the one" and don't need to search any further. This ensures you stop going online to see the changes they make to their profiles as they continue to troll for other victims.
9. If you're smart, you keep your profile active and continue to search until you've met "the one" in person and you mutually decide to remove your profiles. At least this is what I recommend you do! Eventually if you don't delete your profile, you'll notice their profile has been changed if they don't block you which has also happened to me. Pictures are added or changed, details are different, their city changes, interests change and the list goes on and on.
10. You'll notice most of their interests are identical or very similar to yours when you first look at their profile. This allows them to convince you that you've found your match since you like all the same things. What a coincidence, it's a match made in heaven. It's meant to be!!!! It couldn't be more perfect. Yeah right, all perfectly planned and orchestrated to further suck you in if they haven't already.
11. Within a couple of interactions by email or text, they profess their undying love for you. They also miss you terribly. Thank goodness for online dating otherwise they never would have met you. What an incredible connection, who would've known?
12. They send long flattering emails just oozing with love and compliments. You many even get poems, lyrics from songs and long winded professions of love. Chances are if you Google them, you'll see they've copied and pasted them from other sites, but will argue they are their words because you've inspired them. Sure, move over Shakespeare!
13. They seem to have difficulty answering the simplest of questions. One guy couldn't tell me his name. It was several emails over a couple of weeks before he finally figured out what his name was. Even simple things like where they live, what school they went to or what their background is. Others give you names that don't fit with their cultural background. I know parents can pick the oddest of names, but there's a fine line.
14. John seems to be a very popular name, go figure! Good old John Doe. There have also been 2 Mikes. And I find last names tend to be stolen from popular companies or celebrities. Fuller, Boeing, Allen, you get the idea. If you do a Google search of their name and nothing comes up, chances are they don't exist. In this day and age, most people have social media accounts. Although hard wired home phone lines are slowly disappearing, you will still find some people through 411 directories and a multitude of other databases. Big Brother is watching and it is becoming increasingly difficult to hide. Huge red flag if nothing comes up on a Google search.
15. When they don't seem to know what their profession is, very telling that they aren't being honest when their answer doesn't match what was written on their profile. How does one go from military to petro-chemical engineer? I love it when they say I misunderstood. No, they mean when they screwed up and couldn't remember what they wrote on their profile.
16. They keep changing their cell number or go several days without contacting you claiming they are too busy at work or have visitors. They may also be trying to contact you and leaving messages at odd hours when they know you are not available. What does this mean? Chances are they are very married and intentionally making sure you don't connect so they can tell you how hard they've been trying to reach you. All this effort is supposed to prove how much they love you.
17. When you call their cell phone, the voice message is not set-up. Often times they don't even have a generic message either. The message might be cut off or there is simply static and the beep. They will claim there is a problem with the phone and they can't seem to fix it or insist it is fine must be your phone.
18. In two cases, the guys were wearing wedding rings in their profile pictures. When questioned, they danced around with their answers and claimed it was out of respect for their late wife. Sure, except she died 5 years ago and you claimed you had lived with someone else for 2 years so highly unlikely you'd still be wearing your wedding band after living with someone else. Another just kept changing the subject and removed the picture from his profile.
19. Often times in most if not all of their profile pictures they are wearing sunglasses. This allows them to remain somewhat anonymous as you can't fully see what they look like. When I asked one of them to send me another picture without sunglasses, he claimed that his eyes were extremely sensitive to light so he always wore sunglasses. Indoors in low light???
20. They ask for pictures of your vehicle(s). Whatever you do, don't send any pictures with your licence plates. The last thing you want to do is provide any details or information that will give them the ability to access more of your personal information. For that matter, don't sent any of your identification, SIN number or any other sensitive information. Be smart and protect yourself. Identity theft is also on the rise so be careful what information you provide people you don't know.
21. They want to know whether you own a house, vehicles, cottage, boats and other items. Don't send pictures of your home or neighbourhood with distinguishing land marks. What difference does that make? They are trying to size you up and determine your worth based on your assets. Don't provide details or information on values. Same applies to your bank accounts and investments. It's none of their business what you have and highly inappropriate to be asking such personal questions so quickly when you don't know them.
22. They come up with very creative answers to questions they were previously unable to answer or keep building on stories, but then suddenly details change and they tell you you're confused or deny having told you that. At times when you ask questions they get mad and tell you to change the subject as they are having a bad day. This translates into, "Oh shit, this one is smarter than I expected and I need to better prepare before I talk to her."
23. As time goes on, their project keeps getting extended so this further delays your ability to meet in person. They are very apologetic and they miss you terribly, but all of a sudden a further obstacle! Their wallet is lost, project is extended yet again, passport is stolen, something is damaged due to an act of God and whatever other stories they come up with. Soon after, you get the sob story about how they are stuck and too embarrassed to enlist the help of loved ones or close friends. Given your strong bond and love, you are in a better position to help and they will pay you back as soon as they get home. They can be very creative and will get angry and try to make you feel guilty when you refuse or question some of the details that don't make sense.
These are just a few signs, I'm sure there are many more and I'll keep adding to my list as I think of more or get them from friends. Many married men will use the same tactics. Be aware ladies and don't ignore the signs or your gut feelings. If you witness this behaviour, proceed with caution. Don't send anyone banking information or money. Verify and get proof of who they are, if it can't be confirmed cut all ties. Don't let your emotions and their bullying get the better of you. Talk to your friends and family, highly unlikely they will tell you to send money. Listen to them as they are not emotionally invested, truly care about you and are looking at the situation from outside of the box. You many not see the inconsistencies, but they will. Don't be embarrassed, who doesn't want to feel loved and needed? Just make sure you're with the person live and not communicating endlessly via text, phone and email. Actions speak louder than words, make him work for it!
A Few Facts and Things to Consider:
1. If someone needs money, you can use Western Union or send money via PayPal to an email address. The same applies to online banking, all you need is an email address to send an interact transfer. Do not provide your banking information or even the name of the bank you deal with to anyone.
2. No point in buying an airline ticket if you've lost your passport. You won't be allowed to fly without a passport. Tell them to go to their consulate for assistance, don't get involved.
3. If you lose your credit card, the credit card company will send you a replacement. Don't fall for this lie or provide your credit card number to a stranger. If this guy's bank accounts and credit cards are frozen, chances are you don't need him and his financial problems in your life. Run and don't look back!!!
I'm sorry to sound so negative, but sadly many people get sucked in and robbed blind. Someone who truly loves you would never put you in such a compromising position or steal from you. After all, you haven't even met in person. I suppose in some cases you might meet briefly then all of sudden they have to leave to work abroad, but even then be very, very careful. In my experience, they all claimed to be away working when they made contact. If they are in fact an engineer, own convertibles and properties it's highly unlikely they need your money. Some food for thought!
Refer to the facts above and think twice!
Dateless in Ottawa
Saturday 15 December 2018
Sunday 9 December 2018
Online daters beware! Another predator, they come in all different shapes and sizes!
My inspiration for these posts was hearing other women's stories. Sadly some believe the lies and lose their money along with their self esteem. Ladies, don't get sucked in.
A couple of years ago there was a guy that started writing. Once again, great profile. The introductory email was funny and engaging. He was a bit older than me, widowed with children and lived in Montreal. He was an engineer (surprise, surprise!). Given he lived in Montreal, I wasn't interested in a long distance relationship and made that clear. We emailed on POF for a couple of weeks. He said he was originally from the UK. His wife had passed away and his daughter had left to attend university in Italy. His son was killed in a car accident when he was 5 years old. His family was all overseas, so he had no issues commuting or relocating. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but took what he said with a grain of salt. With no other prospects on the horizon, I could kill some time and who knows. We have to try to remain hopeful and positive with an open mind.
We moved to texting then spoke on the phone. Suddenly he announced he wouldn't be able to meet for a while because he was currently working on a project in the UK. Ok, first red flag now I was on alert. He was building a seniors residence outside of London. The project was due to be completed before Christmas. Then he sent pictures of himself in a convertible that conveniently showed his Rolex watch. At this point, he lost me. All the signs of a player were there. He sent endless emails which were all copy paste from sites for men trying to take advantage of women. I was shocked when these sites came up. Amazing what you can find on the internet! He insisted he had composed them himself. Yeah sure.
Of course he professed his undying love and devotion. During periods of time when he didn't call or email, he claimed his daughter was visiting from Italy and he was busy showing her around. So much for working 20 hour days because the project was behind schedule and then a storm damaged the building. Not to mention school was not on break in Italy so highly unlikely his daughter was in the UK. Handy to have family and friends around the world that you can contact to confirm details. This guy was totally married. He seemed to keep losing his cell phone, changed the number 4 times in less than 2 months!
Then the kicker, he wrote to say that because the final payment for his contract exceeded $300K, the bank in London had frozen his accounts pending him providing his business registration and work visa documents. He'd have to come home to Montreal to get them and with all of his accounts frozen, he needed money. Funny because he had previously mentioned he had an open ticket to come home as soon as the project was done. It pays to keep track of details and write them down!
My response? "Given your profession and the fact that you have a company, I highly doubt you would only have one bank account and no credit cards. How would a bank in the UK freeze all of your Canadian accounts? Not possible. Even if your business account is frozen, you would have access to funds elsewhere and your personal accounts. You mentioned your brother lives in the US, why wouldn't you contact him for assistance? Oh and you have an open ticket so no issue getting home. You can figure out your banking stuff when you get back to Montreal."
He was not happy and claimed I didn't understand how international contracts worked. I told him I had a law degree and did some research. Out of curiosity, I had logged into POF and found his profile. He had told me he had deleted it after he started communicating with me. Sure, what a liar. Now the profile stated he lived in British Columbia and he had added more pictures. When I confronted him, he got angry.
Him: "How dare you go into POF to look for other men. We're a couple. How am I supposed to trust you? I don't have time for this bullshit."
Me: "How dare you lie and copy paste emails from online sites. Trust me? You mean I can't trust you. Now you live in Vancouver? What happened to Montreal?"
Him: "Not that it's any of your business nor do I have to explain myself to you, but I lent my POF profile to a friend."
Me: "Are you kidding me? Is that the best story you can come up with? Lent your profile? Funny, so your friend looks identical to you, is widowed, has kids and is also an engineer? What a coincidence? You're a horrible liar and I don't need this shit. It takes all of 5 minutes to create a profile and your friend had to borrow yours? Oh, so I guess you let him know every time there's a new email since the email address linked to the account would be yours? Which means you log in there regularly and you're pissed at me and accuse me of not being trust worthy? Go look in the mirror, the person looking back at you is the lying cheat. Best of luck with your search!"
Unreal! Women, please I beg you to be cautious. Don't fall for these predators. Write things down, keep track, do some research, ask questions and request proof. If you can't verify and confirm what he's telling you, chances are it's all lies. Meet him in person first!!!
Sadly the friend of a friend met a guy online, again he was an engineer working on a project in Malaysia. They fell in love and would move in together when he got back home. Yeah sure. Everyone warned her to be careful, not to be so trusting of someone she hadn't met in person. Don't rush, wait until he gets back before you get too invested. The project kept getting extended. Several weeks into the conversation, he had lost his wallet and passport. Begged her for help to buy a new airline ticket, he'd pay her back as soon as he got home. She fell for it and sent him $5,000.00. Surprise, surprise, she never heard from him again. All the phone numbers and email accounts were deleted and he disappeared. She was devastated.
Be careful and don't believe anything a stranger tells you.
Dateless in Ottawa
A couple of years ago there was a guy that started writing. Once again, great profile. The introductory email was funny and engaging. He was a bit older than me, widowed with children and lived in Montreal. He was an engineer (surprise, surprise!). Given he lived in Montreal, I wasn't interested in a long distance relationship and made that clear. We emailed on POF for a couple of weeks. He said he was originally from the UK. His wife had passed away and his daughter had left to attend university in Italy. His son was killed in a car accident when he was 5 years old. His family was all overseas, so he had no issues commuting or relocating. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but took what he said with a grain of salt. With no other prospects on the horizon, I could kill some time and who knows. We have to try to remain hopeful and positive with an open mind.
We moved to texting then spoke on the phone. Suddenly he announced he wouldn't be able to meet for a while because he was currently working on a project in the UK. Ok, first red flag now I was on alert. He was building a seniors residence outside of London. The project was due to be completed before Christmas. Then he sent pictures of himself in a convertible that conveniently showed his Rolex watch. At this point, he lost me. All the signs of a player were there. He sent endless emails which were all copy paste from sites for men trying to take advantage of women. I was shocked when these sites came up. Amazing what you can find on the internet! He insisted he had composed them himself. Yeah sure.
Of course he professed his undying love and devotion. During periods of time when he didn't call or email, he claimed his daughter was visiting from Italy and he was busy showing her around. So much for working 20 hour days because the project was behind schedule and then a storm damaged the building. Not to mention school was not on break in Italy so highly unlikely his daughter was in the UK. Handy to have family and friends around the world that you can contact to confirm details. This guy was totally married. He seemed to keep losing his cell phone, changed the number 4 times in less than 2 months!
Then the kicker, he wrote to say that because the final payment for his contract exceeded $300K, the bank in London had frozen his accounts pending him providing his business registration and work visa documents. He'd have to come home to Montreal to get them and with all of his accounts frozen, he needed money. Funny because he had previously mentioned he had an open ticket to come home as soon as the project was done. It pays to keep track of details and write them down!
My response? "Given your profession and the fact that you have a company, I highly doubt you would only have one bank account and no credit cards. How would a bank in the UK freeze all of your Canadian accounts? Not possible. Even if your business account is frozen, you would have access to funds elsewhere and your personal accounts. You mentioned your brother lives in the US, why wouldn't you contact him for assistance? Oh and you have an open ticket so no issue getting home. You can figure out your banking stuff when you get back to Montreal."
He was not happy and claimed I didn't understand how international contracts worked. I told him I had a law degree and did some research. Out of curiosity, I had logged into POF and found his profile. He had told me he had deleted it after he started communicating with me. Sure, what a liar. Now the profile stated he lived in British Columbia and he had added more pictures. When I confronted him, he got angry.
Him: "How dare you go into POF to look for other men. We're a couple. How am I supposed to trust you? I don't have time for this bullshit."
Me: "How dare you lie and copy paste emails from online sites. Trust me? You mean I can't trust you. Now you live in Vancouver? What happened to Montreal?"
Him: "Not that it's any of your business nor do I have to explain myself to you, but I lent my POF profile to a friend."
Me: "Are you kidding me? Is that the best story you can come up with? Lent your profile? Funny, so your friend looks identical to you, is widowed, has kids and is also an engineer? What a coincidence? You're a horrible liar and I don't need this shit. It takes all of 5 minutes to create a profile and your friend had to borrow yours? Oh, so I guess you let him know every time there's a new email since the email address linked to the account would be yours? Which means you log in there regularly and you're pissed at me and accuse me of not being trust worthy? Go look in the mirror, the person looking back at you is the lying cheat. Best of luck with your search!"
Unreal! Women, please I beg you to be cautious. Don't fall for these predators. Write things down, keep track, do some research, ask questions and request proof. If you can't verify and confirm what he's telling you, chances are it's all lies. Meet him in person first!!!
Sadly the friend of a friend met a guy online, again he was an engineer working on a project in Malaysia. They fell in love and would move in together when he got back home. Yeah sure. Everyone warned her to be careful, not to be so trusting of someone she hadn't met in person. Don't rush, wait until he gets back before you get too invested. The project kept getting extended. Several weeks into the conversation, he had lost his wallet and passport. Begged her for help to buy a new airline ticket, he'd pay her back as soon as he got home. She fell for it and sent him $5,000.00. Surprise, surprise, she never heard from him again. All the phone numbers and email accounts were deleted and he disappeared. She was devastated.
Be careful and don't believe anything a stranger tells you.
Dateless in Ottawa
Tuesday 4 December 2018
Online Daters Beware!!! Don't send money or banking info to people you meet online!
In this day and age, very sad that many people get taken advantage of and used. The web and computers have made it even easier for predators. This doesn't just happen to women, but I'll be focusing on my experiences with men. My hope is that my post with help other women who find themselves in similar situations. Even if this only helps one woman, it will be well worth the effort as it will be one less woman who is taken advantage of.
Online dating allows users to remain anonymous. This can go on indefinitely or at least until they decide to meet another user. I think many create profiles with no intention of ever meeting anyone. They are predators simply out to make a fast buck any way they can. They create a character that they believe will be appealing to women.
Characteristics:
Great profile pictures
Fancy cars
Tropical destinations
White collar professions (engineer seems to be a very popular choice)
Very well written profiles
Tall, attractive, in great shape
Expensive taste
Designer clothing, watches...
Charming, full of flattery
Here's the story of one of the predators I met online.
The Petrochemical Engineer
He sent a very flattering introductory email on POF. Complimentary, but polite. The profile was well written. Low and behold, he had many similar interests to mine. Single, looking for a relationship, even lives in the same city and claims to have found what he's been searching for in me. He quickly moved to texting, but used an odd app I had never heard of. That was the first red flag.
Conversations went well, although he didn't answer some of my questions. Suddenly he has a sob story. His parents died in a tragic accident he was then taken in by an uncle and worked hard to become an engineer. Lived in the US now in Canada. Previous girlfriends all cheated. Tired of games, wants something serious and forever. Sends texts that are very obviously copy pasted and sure enough when I Googled them, that was confirmed.
He sent me pics of himself in his BMW sports car in an exotic location and goes on about how he's going to buy a Lambourgini or Range Rover sport when he gets back home. He brags about his work and the various contracts he has. Currently he's away on a 2 month contract, but will be home soon to spend quality time with me. He asks a bit about my family, background and work. The texts become less frequent, almost like he's sending them at odd hours when he knows I'm not available then apologizes for being busy. His work is very stressful and he works long hours.
He claims to love me and miss me. When I question how he can love and miss someone he's never met, he says it's because we've had great conversations and an instant connection. It's not hard to fall in love when everything is right. My response to him was "Sure, ok." He wasn't pleased. We hadn't even talked on the phone so not sure what conversations he was referring to.
Then out of the blue, he talks about not having enough bitcoins to purchase his research journals and how important they are to his work. He can't get any on the Hibernia oil rig he's currently working on off the coast of Newfoundland. Maybe he can send me some money so I can buy him the bitcoins he needs to purchase the research journals. I told him to down load the journals using Google or use a credit card. According to him that doesn't work, they can only be purchased with bitcoins and there's no bitcoin ATM on the rig. Another red flag.
He goes on to insist I provide him with my banking information. I purposely kept dancing around the conversation. He said online banking was a great thing and he needed the research journals for his work. I argued I don't use online banking due to having been hacked a few times. I'd much rather go to the bank in person and deal with a teller. He got angry and insisted I needed to use computers and technology to manage my banking and financial affairs as it is faster, easier and less stressful. I insisted that for me, dealing with live people is far more enjoyable and not the least bit stressful compared to computers and technology.
This really frustrated him and he kept asking me what bank I use. I quickly ended the conversation. I told him I was on my way to meet up with friends, we'd talk some other time. Haven't heard from him again since. It was very obvious all he wanted was money and quickly realized he wasn't going to fool this chick.
OMG, I sat and laughed. Pretty much from the beginning something seemed really off, but I played along. In the back of my mind I won't lie, I was hoping he'd prove me wrong. Maybe my bad experiences with online dating have jaded me too much and he was going to show me real, honest and kind men still exist. A couple of days later when I signed into POF, he had deleted everything. This is pretty much a tell tail sign someone is trying to cover his tracks. Usually when a user deletes his profile, the emails still remain at least the ones I sent. He went to the trouble of deleting all the emails too!
Signs he was a fake:
- He didn't answer all of my questions or took too long to answer basic questions. How difficult is it to remember things like where do you live? Do you have any siblings? Where did you go to school?
- Google searches of his name turned up nothing. The name also didn't fit his background or family heritage of Norway. The name he used was John Fuller. Could he be any more generic?
- He was suddenly away working on an oil rig. No indication on the profile he travelled or went away for work. This only turned up several days into texting out of the blue when I suggested meeting. Could he pick a more remote location?
- According to his profile he worked for the military. When I asked if he was army, navy or airforce, he seemed confused. He couldn't understand why I was asking him this, until I mentioned it was on his profile. Suddenly he was an engineer working on an oil rig in the Hibernia oil field. He tried to back pedal and said the military contracted his services. Seemed shocked I was familiar with the oil field and where it was. Some of my random bits of knowledge come in very handy at unexpected moments! The rig is run by the world's largest petroleum companies, not national defence, but whatever I could let that one go as govt can be involved in all kinds of projects and complicated.
- Fancy cars do nothing for me, in fact when someone flaunts them I find it a major turn off. He seemed shocked at my reaction then said he'd buy whatever vehicle I wanted because his woman had to be happy. Sure. The pic with the BMW was not taken in Canada, guys should pay attention to the background when sending or posting pics. A Lambourgini in Ottawa during Winter? Are you kidding me??? He was done at that point.
- The details he provided kept changing. He was on a 2 month contract, then it was a 30 day contract. He was there to find ways to refine the crude oil by applying technology, then he was there as a research analyst.
- Confidence is sexy, arrogance a major turn off.
- A bitcoin ATM? Is he for real?
- The icing on the cake - He wanted my banking info. This was a huge red flag. If you want to send me an online banking transfer all you need is my email address. I wonder how many people actually know this? PayPal is another option which again does not require any banking details.
Perhaps my work, studies, all my wonderful online dating escapades and random knowledge helped me identify inconsistencies and question them, thereby saving myself from being sucked in and taken advantage of. Someone else would have totally believed everything, never challenged him, provided their banking information and had their savings wiped out. So many people long to be loved so desperately, that they fall victim to these predators who know what to say, how to say it and when to say. They play with your heart strings and stroke your ego to fool you into believing they truly love you and will follow through on all of their promises. You fall in love with the idea and foolishly believe everything they tell you. You have to look no further, your knight in shining armour has arrived and he's going to love you forever. NOT! Don't allow yourself to get sucked in.
Until you have met a potential mate in person, take what they say with a grain of salt. Actions speak louder than words, don't rush and get to know them well. Fall in love over texts and emails??? Not very likely, at least not with this chick nor should any woman fall for this. Don't be afraid to ask questions, if they get mad or refuse to answer, you know they are hiding something. It's easy to sit behind a computer and write all kinds of things to make yourself sound bigger and better than you really are. Studies have proven that people are more likely to be dishonest when using online dating. They use old or inaccurate pictures, incorrectly describe themselves, don't seem to know their height or age, lie about their profession, marital status...the list goes on and on. Hard to verify anything until you meet them in person.
Please, please, please do not give anyone you don't know your banking information. Wait, as far as I'm concerned, no one should ask you for this information unless it's an employer/govt agency for direct deposit or a service provider for monthly payments. Emailing and texting for weeks or months does not mean you know the person or that you've fallen in love. If these guys are so successful, they shouldn't need to ask someone they've never met and have only been emailing and texting for a few weeks/months for money or banking information. This should be a huge red flag! Even offering to send you money to buy them things makes no sense. How have they managed all these years without you? Ever heard of online shopping??? Surely they have family, close friends, co-workers and business contacts. If this so called engineer needed the research journals for his work, why didn't he bring them with him from home or make arrangements through work? In this day and age we have the internet so any information you could possibly need is at your finger tips! With a credit card or PayPal account you can buy pretty much anything so why impose on a stranger?
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is! Don't allow yourself to fall victim to these predators. Imagine how many people fall for these lies and wind up losing everything. Even if only 1 in 10 women get sucked in, these guys are still ahead and keep doing it. Easy way to get money if you play your cards right and convince these women who are desperate to be loved to believe your stories.
I have guy friends that have been taken advantage of by women also. Predators come in both sexes and don't discriminate. Again, be smart. Ask questions, have them provide proof and meet them in person. Good grief, I'm going to have to start asking them to show me identification. It will have to be government issued with a picture like their driver's license, passport or work id card in an effort to weed out the con artists!
Be careful. Stay tuned for more stories about the predators I've met.
Dateless in Ottawa
Online dating allows users to remain anonymous. This can go on indefinitely or at least until they decide to meet another user. I think many create profiles with no intention of ever meeting anyone. They are predators simply out to make a fast buck any way they can. They create a character that they believe will be appealing to women.
Characteristics:
Great profile pictures
Fancy cars
Tropical destinations
White collar professions (engineer seems to be a very popular choice)
Very well written profiles
Tall, attractive, in great shape
Expensive taste
Designer clothing, watches...
Charming, full of flattery
Here's the story of one of the predators I met online.
The Petrochemical Engineer
He sent a very flattering introductory email on POF. Complimentary, but polite. The profile was well written. Low and behold, he had many similar interests to mine. Single, looking for a relationship, even lives in the same city and claims to have found what he's been searching for in me. He quickly moved to texting, but used an odd app I had never heard of. That was the first red flag.
Conversations went well, although he didn't answer some of my questions. Suddenly he has a sob story. His parents died in a tragic accident he was then taken in by an uncle and worked hard to become an engineer. Lived in the US now in Canada. Previous girlfriends all cheated. Tired of games, wants something serious and forever. Sends texts that are very obviously copy pasted and sure enough when I Googled them, that was confirmed.
He sent me pics of himself in his BMW sports car in an exotic location and goes on about how he's going to buy a Lambourgini or Range Rover sport when he gets back home. He brags about his work and the various contracts he has. Currently he's away on a 2 month contract, but will be home soon to spend quality time with me. He asks a bit about my family, background and work. The texts become less frequent, almost like he's sending them at odd hours when he knows I'm not available then apologizes for being busy. His work is very stressful and he works long hours.
He claims to love me and miss me. When I question how he can love and miss someone he's never met, he says it's because we've had great conversations and an instant connection. It's not hard to fall in love when everything is right. My response to him was "Sure, ok." He wasn't pleased. We hadn't even talked on the phone so not sure what conversations he was referring to.
Then out of the blue, he talks about not having enough bitcoins to purchase his research journals and how important they are to his work. He can't get any on the Hibernia oil rig he's currently working on off the coast of Newfoundland. Maybe he can send me some money so I can buy him the bitcoins he needs to purchase the research journals. I told him to down load the journals using Google or use a credit card. According to him that doesn't work, they can only be purchased with bitcoins and there's no bitcoin ATM on the rig. Another red flag.
He goes on to insist I provide him with my banking information. I purposely kept dancing around the conversation. He said online banking was a great thing and he needed the research journals for his work. I argued I don't use online banking due to having been hacked a few times. I'd much rather go to the bank in person and deal with a teller. He got angry and insisted I needed to use computers and technology to manage my banking and financial affairs as it is faster, easier and less stressful. I insisted that for me, dealing with live people is far more enjoyable and not the least bit stressful compared to computers and technology.
This really frustrated him and he kept asking me what bank I use. I quickly ended the conversation. I told him I was on my way to meet up with friends, we'd talk some other time. Haven't heard from him again since. It was very obvious all he wanted was money and quickly realized he wasn't going to fool this chick.
OMG, I sat and laughed. Pretty much from the beginning something seemed really off, but I played along. In the back of my mind I won't lie, I was hoping he'd prove me wrong. Maybe my bad experiences with online dating have jaded me too much and he was going to show me real, honest and kind men still exist. A couple of days later when I signed into POF, he had deleted everything. This is pretty much a tell tail sign someone is trying to cover his tracks. Usually when a user deletes his profile, the emails still remain at least the ones I sent. He went to the trouble of deleting all the emails too!
Signs he was a fake:
- He didn't answer all of my questions or took too long to answer basic questions. How difficult is it to remember things like where do you live? Do you have any siblings? Where did you go to school?
- Google searches of his name turned up nothing. The name also didn't fit his background or family heritage of Norway. The name he used was John Fuller. Could he be any more generic?
- He was suddenly away working on an oil rig. No indication on the profile he travelled or went away for work. This only turned up several days into texting out of the blue when I suggested meeting. Could he pick a more remote location?
- According to his profile he worked for the military. When I asked if he was army, navy or airforce, he seemed confused. He couldn't understand why I was asking him this, until I mentioned it was on his profile. Suddenly he was an engineer working on an oil rig in the Hibernia oil field. He tried to back pedal and said the military contracted his services. Seemed shocked I was familiar with the oil field and where it was. Some of my random bits of knowledge come in very handy at unexpected moments! The rig is run by the world's largest petroleum companies, not national defence, but whatever I could let that one go as govt can be involved in all kinds of projects and complicated.
- Fancy cars do nothing for me, in fact when someone flaunts them I find it a major turn off. He seemed shocked at my reaction then said he'd buy whatever vehicle I wanted because his woman had to be happy. Sure. The pic with the BMW was not taken in Canada, guys should pay attention to the background when sending or posting pics. A Lambourgini in Ottawa during Winter? Are you kidding me??? He was done at that point.
- The details he provided kept changing. He was on a 2 month contract, then it was a 30 day contract. He was there to find ways to refine the crude oil by applying technology, then he was there as a research analyst.
- Confidence is sexy, arrogance a major turn off.
- A bitcoin ATM? Is he for real?
- The icing on the cake - He wanted my banking info. This was a huge red flag. If you want to send me an online banking transfer all you need is my email address. I wonder how many people actually know this? PayPal is another option which again does not require any banking details.
Perhaps my work, studies, all my wonderful online dating escapades and random knowledge helped me identify inconsistencies and question them, thereby saving myself from being sucked in and taken advantage of. Someone else would have totally believed everything, never challenged him, provided their banking information and had their savings wiped out. So many people long to be loved so desperately, that they fall victim to these predators who know what to say, how to say it and when to say. They play with your heart strings and stroke your ego to fool you into believing they truly love you and will follow through on all of their promises. You fall in love with the idea and foolishly believe everything they tell you. You have to look no further, your knight in shining armour has arrived and he's going to love you forever. NOT! Don't allow yourself to get sucked in.
Until you have met a potential mate in person, take what they say with a grain of salt. Actions speak louder than words, don't rush and get to know them well. Fall in love over texts and emails??? Not very likely, at least not with this chick nor should any woman fall for this. Don't be afraid to ask questions, if they get mad or refuse to answer, you know they are hiding something. It's easy to sit behind a computer and write all kinds of things to make yourself sound bigger and better than you really are. Studies have proven that people are more likely to be dishonest when using online dating. They use old or inaccurate pictures, incorrectly describe themselves, don't seem to know their height or age, lie about their profession, marital status...the list goes on and on. Hard to verify anything until you meet them in person.
Please, please, please do not give anyone you don't know your banking information. Wait, as far as I'm concerned, no one should ask you for this information unless it's an employer/govt agency for direct deposit or a service provider for monthly payments. Emailing and texting for weeks or months does not mean you know the person or that you've fallen in love. If these guys are so successful, they shouldn't need to ask someone they've never met and have only been emailing and texting for a few weeks/months for money or banking information. This should be a huge red flag! Even offering to send you money to buy them things makes no sense. How have they managed all these years without you? Ever heard of online shopping??? Surely they have family, close friends, co-workers and business contacts. If this so called engineer needed the research journals for his work, why didn't he bring them with him from home or make arrangements through work? In this day and age we have the internet so any information you could possibly need is at your finger tips! With a credit card or PayPal account you can buy pretty much anything so why impose on a stranger?
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is! Don't allow yourself to fall victim to these predators. Imagine how many people fall for these lies and wind up losing everything. Even if only 1 in 10 women get sucked in, these guys are still ahead and keep doing it. Easy way to get money if you play your cards right and convince these women who are desperate to be loved to believe your stories.
I have guy friends that have been taken advantage of by women also. Predators come in both sexes and don't discriminate. Again, be smart. Ask questions, have them provide proof and meet them in person. Good grief, I'm going to have to start asking them to show me identification. It will have to be government issued with a picture like their driver's license, passport or work id card in an effort to weed out the con artists!
Be careful. Stay tuned for more stories about the predators I've met.
Dateless in Ottawa
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