I've seen many Elite Singles advertisements. This is another site I've never used. Time to check it out!
Who uses Elite Singles? According to their site:
"...the majority of our members are educated, relatively affluent, and between the ages of 30 and 55. That said, Canadian singles of all ages can (and do!) find love on our site as, above anything, we are designed for singles seeking lasting commitment."
After reading this, I think they are making too many assumptions. I think it's more than likely inaccurate that the majority of their members are affluent and educated. Besides, how do they define educated? This could mean very different things depending on who you ask; completed high school, bachelors degree, tradesperson, masters degree? At the very least, I have a hard time believing it. Makes you wonder what members choose within the various categories and what they are seeking in a perfect match.
Also, for those not looking for a lasting commitment, maybe this site is not for you! Personally I would eventually like to have an exclusive and long lasting relationship, hopefully my forever and last relationship. For now, I'll set-up a profile and check out the site.
It's easy enough to start. The site guides you step-by-step. Once your basic information is entered, the questions start appearing. This is their in-depth personality test which helps them to determine what you're looking for in a partner. There are a lot of questions, tons of questions. The format on this site is very different. When answering the questions it's more like a rating scale in terms of how important the particular category, quality or element is to you. The range starts at "Not at all Important" and there are 3 other options before arriving at the last rating of "Very Important." I like that they touch on all aspects like languages, distance, education level, income....many of these can be used when doing advanced searches on other sites, but here you can rate the importance of each so they can find you appropriate matches. Other questions can be answered with yes, no or maybe like for example whether you want to have children with your partner.
Overall, the questions seemed very thorough and I like being able to identify the importance of each category and what I expect from a partner.
As you are responding to the questions, matches, visitors to your profile and messages begin to appear across the top of the screen. You are able to see your matches with their pictures blurred, but of course if you want to read any messages or interact with other members, you have to subscribe. There are 3 levels of membership. Light, comfort and classic. Rates start at $29.95 per month and go as high as $99.95 for a one month membership.
The site is user friendly and easy to navigate. I really like how detailed the profiles are in terms of what's most important to you, but perhaps there's a bit too much information. Some profiles seem endless with lists of a member's strengths. Haven't they heard of "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?" Gives the appearance that you're rambling on about how awesome you are. I think 3 adjectives is usually sufficient, keep it simple and humble. Personally a bit of mystery and intrigue is important. Besides, you need to have something to talk about when you meet and some of the qualities may be less important than you think when you get to know someone. It's too easy to rate things and after what seems like hundreds of questions, are we really being truly honest or simply trying to get to the end of the questionnaire by choosing somewhat important for all questions?
At the end of the day, I refuse to pay to find love. I have yet to find a site that convinces me that becoming a paid member will guarantee or at the very least increase my chances of finding the one.
Update: I left this profile up for a bit and I was shocked at how many emails I received. My inbox was full in no time. Way, way too many emails. Some were to let me know someone was requesting a picture, my profile had been viewed, another member has uploaded a picture, proposals, subscribe now and save, etc. the list goes on and on. I'm ok with getting a weekly email with matches, but this constant barrage of emails was overwhelming. I deleted the profile, this site is most definitely not for me. It's the equivalent of a high pressure sales experience only it's via email! Anything to try to convince you to sign up. Makes me wonder how many matches I'd actually get if I was a paid member as it seemed too artificial and staged.
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Tuesday 12 December 2017
Thursday 7 December 2017
Online Dating Sites Explored - Part 4: OK Cupid - updated
On to the next site. A friend mentioned having used OK Cupid, but I had never been on it or seen it. It's on the top 10 online dating list so time to check it out.
So far this site is by far the most difficult to navigate, my IT challenges don't help either. Definitely not user friendly in my opinion, for whatever it’s worth. OK Cupid is advertised as a free online dating site, but there are some features you have to pay for. I’m still trying to figure this one out and how it works. Not sure what an A-List is or why I should pay for it.
Nice that you can receive and respond to emails without having to pay.
Issues with the site:
1. I’m in Canada, why are all the payments in US funds? Yes, many companies are based in the US, but you’d think the offices set up in other countries would charge based on their national currency.
2. If you change the search settings and remove the distance limit, you get all kinds of matches in the US. I will travel for love within reason, but Texas???
3. Surprise, surprise...many of the same guys are on POF.
Oh well, I tried. Won’t be keeping this account. The site is way too complicated for me and I just don’t have the time to figure it out.
Update: Interestingly enough, before I had a chance to delete the profile, a gentleman wrote. I struggled as I didn't set up the profile to find love. I was simply checking out the site so I could blog about it. The email was polite and he made the effort so I was compelled to respond. He was very funny and seemed nice. I was honest and explained why I created the profile. Not sure he believed me, but I was telling the truth.
Him: So you're not single?
Me: Yes I am.
Him: What's the type you normally date?
Me: Someone with a sense of humour.
Him: I guess I'm good for a date then :) :) :)
Stay tuned, I'll keep you posted on what happens. This was so unexpected. Maybe it's true, when you least expect it things happen.
Another guy also wrote, but I recognized him right away. He had written on POF several times. He's one of those that writes fast and furious for several days oozing with compliments, then all of a sudden he deletes his profile. He then creates a new one and writes to you again as if he's never contacted you before. It's quite odd. No thanks, delete!
This site sends you emails with matches and notifies you when you receive an email. Not sure whether you can control the settings, but most of the online dating sites do this. I didn't find it was an excessive amount of emails. I stand by my decision of not paying to find love.
Just because I didn't like it, doesn't mean it won't work for you, try it and see!
So far this site is by far the most difficult to navigate, my IT challenges don't help either. Definitely not user friendly in my opinion, for whatever it’s worth. OK Cupid is advertised as a free online dating site, but there are some features you have to pay for. I’m still trying to figure this one out and how it works. Not sure what an A-List is or why I should pay for it.
I created a profile. For this site, you have to upload a picture
before it will allow you to continue. I was less than thrilled, as I'm simply checking these sites out and not interested in looking at this point. There must be a way to hide the profile and I better figure that out quick! Amazing
how much detail you can add about yourself.
There are several sections that you don’t have to fill out, but they
encourage you to include as much information about yourself as possible to
increase your chances. Funny how many
sites use the same line “to increase your chances.” Keep buying your Lotto Max tickets!
Once the profile is complete, they start sending you a series
of questions. The answers you provide
are used to find you matches. Well, I
was shocked at how many questions they ask.
The nice thing is some of the questions are related to preferences. Height is usually pretty big for me. I appreciated that they also ask about
religion and ethnic preferences. We
each know what is most important to us and what our deal breakers are, so I
thought this was good. I haven’t seen
questions like this on other sites when creating a profile. You can narrow down what you’re looking for
in advanced searches, but I don’t think the other sites use that information for the system
generated matches.
After answering several questions, they
just kept coming. It was endless. Good thing I was kind of bored
and killing some time. I think I wound up answering 100. Ultimately I think there are way too many
questions. Some were related to your
opinion on Trump and some of his ideas???
This seemed totally misplaced to me, I'm here to find love not fix the political problems of the world. Then they dove into the sexual questions. Go ahead and ask me if I like sex, but when
you start getting into questions about frequency, fetishes, kink, etc. now you’ve
gone overboard. These are areas to be explored with a partner
when and if you get there. Every
relationship is different. How can one predetermine frequency? This will vary
depending on your partner and many things can impact it. Not
necessary or appropriate questions in my opinion.
It was a long process and when I tried to do a search for guys within my city, there wasn't much. With millions of members one would assume there would be a large enough pool of potential candidates within your city.
Eventually they show you matches and you
click on an “x” if you’re not interested or a “√” if you are interested. With all the questions I answered you’d think
they’d have tons of matches for me, but sadly there were only 9! Not sure what happens when there’s a mutual
match. For the ones I chose an “x”, I
was not supposed to ever see those profiles again, but they are still able to
email me. I thought this was odd, if I'm not interested what's the point? Initially I thought maybe you could only communicate with men who you'd said yes you were interested, which would be better I think. As I mentioned previously, I’m
still trying to figure this one out, but I don’t like it.It was a long process and when I tried to do a search for guys within my city, there wasn't much. With millions of members one would assume there would be a large enough pool of potential candidates within your city.
Nice that you can receive and respond to emails without having to pay.
1. I’m in Canada, why are all the payments in US funds? Yes, many companies are based in the US, but you’d think the offices set up in other countries would charge based on their national currency.
2. If you change the search settings and remove the distance limit, you get all kinds of matches in the US. I will travel for love within reason, but Texas???
3. Surprise, surprise...many of the same guys are on POF.
Oh well, I tried. Won’t be keeping this account. The site is way too complicated for me and I just don’t have the time to figure it out.
Update: Interestingly enough, before I had a chance to delete the profile, a gentleman wrote. I struggled as I didn't set up the profile to find love. I was simply checking out the site so I could blog about it. The email was polite and he made the effort so I was compelled to respond. He was very funny and seemed nice. I was honest and explained why I created the profile. Not sure he believed me, but I was telling the truth.
Him: So you're not single?
Me: Yes I am.
Him: What's the type you normally date?
Me: Someone with a sense of humour.
Him: I guess I'm good for a date then :) :) :)
Stay tuned, I'll keep you posted on what happens. This was so unexpected. Maybe it's true, when you least expect it things happen.
Another guy also wrote, but I recognized him right away. He had written on POF several times. He's one of those that writes fast and furious for several days oozing with compliments, then all of a sudden he deletes his profile. He then creates a new one and writes to you again as if he's never contacted you before. It's quite odd. No thanks, delete!
This site sends you emails with matches and notifies you when you receive an email. Not sure whether you can control the settings, but most of the online dating sites do this. I didn't find it was an excessive amount of emails. I stand by my decision of not paying to find love.
Just because I didn't like it, doesn't mean it won't work for you, try it and see!
Dateless in Ottawa
Monday 4 December 2017
Online Dating Sites Explored - Part 3: Match
I had used Match years ago. At the time I thought it was by far the best looking site. It was colourful and very organized. I also found you were able to add the most information and pictures.
Back to Match I went to check it out. It says it's free to start. There no cost to join or create a profile, but that's about as far as you'll get. I followed the instructions and created my profile, but didn't upload a picture. As I created the profile and added information, a number representing the matches found started to appear. Once I had completed the profile, a message appeared across the screen that they had found me 11 matches. It asked me to rate my matches, but basically it's a yes or no whether you'd want to meet them. With time to kill, I figured why not. Most of the profiles were very short. The site looks completely different from what I remember. It appears less user friendly, but then again I am not a paying member so functionality is very limited. When you're unsure about paying, it's really hard to decide when you can't try out all of the features.
As I browsed through the profiles I started to laugh. One, then two, three, four....Of the 11 matches they presented, 6 of the guys are on POF using the exact same profile picture. So much for increasing your chances of relationship success if you use a paying site because members are more serious. Yeah sure, this totally disproves that theory. Then I went back to the main site and some of the pictures that appear are of celebrities. Yup, like Pippa Middleton totally needs to be on Match.com.
Once you finish rating your matches, a pop-up appears asking you to subscribe and lists the various options and costs. Unless you subscribe, you cannot communicate with other members. They have basic plans and bundle plans. Costs can run as low as $16.00 US per month when you sign up for 12 months or as high as $24.99 US per month for a 3-month subscription. Apparently they offer free 3-day trials, but I was not given that option.
Some of the features with a paid subscription:
Viewing and communication tools.
Mobile app.
Advanced search features.
Email filters.
A quiz.
Games.
And others.
Back to Match I went to check it out. It says it's free to start. There no cost to join or create a profile, but that's about as far as you'll get. I followed the instructions and created my profile, but didn't upload a picture. As I created the profile and added information, a number representing the matches found started to appear. Once I had completed the profile, a message appeared across the screen that they had found me 11 matches. It asked me to rate my matches, but basically it's a yes or no whether you'd want to meet them. With time to kill, I figured why not. Most of the profiles were very short. The site looks completely different from what I remember. It appears less user friendly, but then again I am not a paying member so functionality is very limited. When you're unsure about paying, it's really hard to decide when you can't try out all of the features.
As I browsed through the profiles I started to laugh. One, then two, three, four....Of the 11 matches they presented, 6 of the guys are on POF using the exact same profile picture. So much for increasing your chances of relationship success if you use a paying site because members are more serious. Yeah sure, this totally disproves that theory. Then I went back to the main site and some of the pictures that appear are of celebrities. Yup, like Pippa Middleton totally needs to be on Match.com.
Once you finish rating your matches, a pop-up appears asking you to subscribe and lists the various options and costs. Unless you subscribe, you cannot communicate with other members. They have basic plans and bundle plans. Costs can run as low as $16.00 US per month when you sign up for 12 months or as high as $24.99 US per month for a 3-month subscription. Apparently they offer free 3-day trials, but I was not given that option.
Some of the features with a paid subscription:
For the most part, I think all of these features are free on POF and probably a few other sites. Given that many of the guys are on POF, why would someone pay to have a subscription on Match? They claim to have a guarantee, but they don't make it easy and at the end of the day, you simply get another 6-month membership at no additional cost. Read all the terms and good luck!
When something becomes labour intensive and/or too complicated, I lose interest. Don't forget, I'm the one who's extremely IT challenged. I have no issue investing time and putting in the effort, but when a site makes it too long and attaches a cost, I'll pass. No doubt this site works for some. You have to find what you like and decide whether or not it's worth paying for. At the end of the day, this profile will be deleted.
I recommend people check out various sites and compare features before signing up.
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 3 December 2017
Online Dating Sites Explored - Part 2: POF - updated
Who isn't familiar with POF? It's probably the largest existing online dating site with millions of members world wide. Creating an account and using the site is free, but you can choose to purchase an upgraded membership which affords you some added functionality and features. Some of these extra features include:
Include 16 images on your profile.
View other user's extended profile.
See if emails you send are read or deleted.
Your profile will show up first on the "Meet Me" feature.
No ads will show up on the page.
You can see the date and time other users viewed your profile.
The site is relatively user friendly. Having used it on several occasions over the years, you catch on fairly quickly and learn to navigate. It has changed somewhat in that initially everything was free, but now some of the functionality is limited to the upgraded members only. POF sends you weekly matches and they also organize singles events.
One feature that I really liked that is no longer available is the user search. If you new the username of the individual you were looking for, you could easily find them this way. Sadly, this is no longer available. With several friends on the site it was handy. Now you have to go through all the meet me pictures or do searches and hope that they'll come up or they'll find you.
Personally I've never felt the added functionality was necessary so chose not to pay for an upgraded membership. Online dating can be damaging enough to one's ego, do I really need to know if a guy has read or deleted my emails? 16 pictures??? I have a hard enough time posting 1 or 2, but to each his/her own. At the end of the day, the upgraded membership is an option a user can add.
In my opinion, success or failure cannot be blamed on a site. Success is dependent on the users and how honestly they portray themselves and their expectations, the site doesn't have any control over what users post. They do their best to take down inappropriate pictures and materials, but the overall content of a profile is the responsibility of the individual users.
If like me, you refuse to pay to find your significant other, POF is for you. Check out the site and give it a try.
Happy Dating!
Dateless in Ottawa
The site is relatively user friendly. Having used it on several occasions over the years, you catch on fairly quickly and learn to navigate. It has changed somewhat in that initially everything was free, but now some of the functionality is limited to the upgraded members only. POF sends you weekly matches and they also organize singles events.
One feature that I really liked that is no longer available is the user search. If you new the username of the individual you were looking for, you could easily find them this way. Sadly, this is no longer available. With several friends on the site it was handy. Now you have to go through all the meet me pictures or do searches and hope that they'll come up or they'll find you.
Personally I've never felt the added functionality was necessary so chose not to pay for an upgraded membership. Online dating can be damaging enough to one's ego, do I really need to know if a guy has read or deleted my emails? 16 pictures??? I have a hard enough time posting 1 or 2, but to each his/her own. At the end of the day, the upgraded membership is an option a user can add.
In my opinion, success or failure cannot be blamed on a site. Success is dependent on the users and how honestly they portray themselves and their expectations, the site doesn't have any control over what users post. They do their best to take down inappropriate pictures and materials, but the overall content of a profile is the responsibility of the individual users.
If like me, you refuse to pay to find your significant other, POF is for you. Check out the site and give it a try.
Happy Dating!
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday 22 November 2017
Online Dating and Sex - How important is it? - updated
Relationships vary extensively. Some people are only ever with one person for most, if not all of their lives. At times I feel sorry for friends that have no other experiences when it comes to intimacy and the physical aspects of a relationship. Growing up our parents were religious and extremely strict. You didn't talk about sex and dating was out of the question. It was hard if not impossible to ask questions about puberty much less sex. We were kind of left to our own vices and had to rely on sex education classes at school, friends, listening to the older kids or others we hung around with. Looking back it's scary. I'm shocked there weren't more pregnancies. I was beyond naïve and had no clue about anything. Of all my friends, I was the late bloomer. I had tons of guy friends, in fact I got along with them better than most girls. At junior high the girls were terrible. There was always cattiness, competition, gossip and they were just plain nasty. Growing up we didn't have a lot of money, so we were never into the brand names or trendy stuff. I dressed kind of boring and frumpy, I guess I looked more like a geek. Being a bit overweight didn't help and due to allergies I couldn't wear make-up. Other girls spent hours on their hair, make-up and getting dressed. For me that was time wasted, I had better things to do. All of my girlfriends had boyfriends before we finished high school, I wasn't interested. I remember my girlfriends would get mad that I was friends with so many guys, some of which they were interested in, but for me they were just friends there was no other interest. They didn't believe me. It was common for our friends to hang out at our house. My parents much preferred having us and our friends at home so they knew where we were, with who and what we were doing. No one complained about Mom's cooking either, if anything it kept them coming back.
Finally at the age of 18 I met the guy that would become my first boyfriend. My parents did try to match make me with a family friend when I was 16, but that ended in disaster. There was another guy that claimed to be interested, but turns out he had a long term girlfriend so early on I learned to be cautious and not trust.
As we get older, we meet other people and date. This is how we gain relationship experience. I was always the one in long-term relationships. Sadly they usually ended badly with me being the one hurt. In all cases, the guys cheated. Being inexperienced and naïve is not a good thing. It opens you up to being taken advantage of. Growing up everything seemed so perfect and ideallic. You treat others the way you want to be treated, with honesty and compassion being the centre of your existence. This is what our parents and religion taught us. By the same token, our parents were quick to point out the differences between a good girl and a bad girl. They never went into too much detail, but you pretty much knew if you couldn't talk to them about it, it was a bad thing so best not to go there. This would explain why at the age of 18 I had never been kissed, other than on the cheek.
The guy that would become my first boyfriend didn't believe me. He was floored. What shocked him even more was the fact that I was a virgin. He didn't think those truly existed at my age. As naïve as I was, it took him almost 2 years to finally get me into bed. Sadly it was a terrible experience, for me anyways. It was over in under 2 minutes with him fast asleep and me lying there crying out of disappointment. I felt so let down. OMG! Those romantic movies made it look so beautiful and exciting. They lied, what was this? Is this how it is all the time? If so, why do parents make such a big deal about it? A good girl is supposed to save herself for marriage, why? For what? I was full of regret and thought, I'm going to go to hell. How sad that we were programed to believe that. I hadn't done any thing wrong. Why did I suddenly feel so guilty and ashamed?
Over the years circumstances threw me back into the dating world and ultimately online dating. This was an entirely new learning curve. Don't even get me started with messaging and texting, I thought government had a lot of acronyms, never mind! I met and dated a couple more guys. I quickly learned that no two guys are alike. Sooner or later you will have sex, it's normal and I think necessary. The physical aspect of a relationship is equally important to the emotional. Sex or love making is an art. Some guys have it, others don't. I'm sure the same applies to women. Various factors come into play for a successful physical relationship. For me, most importantly there has to be chemistry and physical attraction. One night stands and sex for the sake of having sex is not and has never been for me. I don't rush into anything so the guy better be very patient. If he's not, then goodbye cause he's not for me. Holding off for several weeks is a great way to determine whether or not a guy is simply after sex.
Back to the original question - How important is sex?
I guess it all depends on who you ask. Sadly some of the people I asked stated that it was only important when trying to procreate, once they had the number of children they wanted, that was it. Others simply don't enjoy it so they don't see the point in having it. Some schedule sex. Really? Me of all people can totally understand how chaotic life can get with kids, work and other responsibilities, but schedule sex once a month? OMG and you wonder why you're not happy? You so have to read about the benefits of having sex regularly. Very sad, I feel sorry for these people. Then you have the extreme opposite end of the spectrum where they can't get enough sex. Something in between would be nice.
Personally I think when you're having sex things are usually great, the minute it stops, chances are there's a problem. The physical aspect is what helps two people bond, stay connected and share an exclusive intimacy that has no limits. The possibilities are endless and partners should be open to exploring and experimenting. You have to keep that spark alive and have fun. That said, when you've had a couple of partners, it's very hard not to compare.
Over time, much like we develop habits, we also develop preferences. The same applies to sex. When you're with someone for a long time, you eventually come up with your style and/or routine. This is what I find difficult. A relationship ends so now you have to meet someone else and start over. You only know what you know. It's scary, kind of like starting a new job and needing training. Remember, no two people fit together the same way and each will have his/her own style. You have to figure out how to blend these two styles or develop a whole new one if your partner is willing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Here's another complex question. You're dating someone who's wonderful. They understand you, have similar beliefs and interests, are willing to try new things, are honest, hard working and it's obvious they truly care. Sooner or later you have sex. One problem; the sex sucks. What do you do? Tough one isn't it? How often does someone come along that successfully manages to check off pretty much every item on your extensive "must haves" list? The first few times you sleep with someone can be awkward until you develop your groove, but after a while if things aren't getting better....
In life I try to be positive and maintain hope. Generally I think an individual regardless of age, can pretty much do anything they set their mind to. That said, some things can be fixed and others can't. Some of us can learn new things, others can't or won't. The same applies to sex. We're all different. We think differently, our bodies are shaped differently, our physical abilities differ and our needs are different.
Many of the men I know have this attitude that they are God's gift to women and they are the best lovers in the world. If only they could sleep with themselves and then others, maybe they'd better understand. My ex was of this mind set. If only he knew how wrong he is, at least in my opinion. This God complex means he doesn't care what a woman wants or needs. In his mind he's the best and he knows what he's doing so sit back and enjoy the ride, your opinion doesn't matter. I find from my experience, if a man gets off, orgasms, comes whatever you want to call it, he's usually satisfied. Whether it lasts a few minutes or hours, doesn't seem to be overly important. The goal is having an orgasm. Don't get me wrong, there are always exceptions, but these tend to be less common. If you find a guy who's giving and puts your first, hold onto him for dear life! It's the equivalent of winning the lottery for God's sake. For women it usually requires a bit more time, at least for me anyways. I'm sure other women would argue it's perfectly fine, the sooner it's over the better. Lol The whole two minute thing does nothing for me. He's done and I'm barely warmed up, why bother? Life isn't fair.
There are several factors that can impact a physical relationship:
1. Size, yes penis size and the vagina too
- I won't lie. Penis size can affect sex, but if he knows what he's doing it should not be an issue. In general if he's too big it could be painful and if he's too small she might not feel much. Flip things around and the woman's vagina also impacts sex.
2. Physical fitness level
- Sex can be very physically challenging so being in shape makes a difference. It can certainly affect stamina and creativity.
3. Beliefs, religion and morals
- Sadly I have friends that think sex is a dirty thing. It should not be enjoyed, it is used as a means to procreate. Believe it or not, I've met men who felt the same way. Hard to change the way you think when this is how you were raised.
4. Body image
- If you hate how you look, having sex will be difficult. We can all be a bit self-conscious and we're our own worst critic. Taking our clothes off and being naked is extremely difficult to do when you're not happy with how your body looks. It makes us feel vulnerable, uncomfortable.
5. Confidence
- "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!" This is not easy to do. In this day and age we're constantly reminded to be politically correct. Confidence is sexy don't confuse it with arrogance, which is a major turn off.
6. Experience
- Helps a lot, especially when your partner is not as experienced. Think of it as a dance. One leads and the other one follows. Eventually both should have the ability to lead and alternate roles seamlessly.
7. Weight
- Being underweight or overweight can impact performance. You don't want to wind up with broken bones or crushed, nor do we want to hurt our partner. There may be positions that don't work.
8. Curiosity and open mindedness
- Being open to new things and exploring the infinite possibilities is key. Don't limit yourself. As they say, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. You have to figure out what works and what doesn't so a bit of trial and error is inevitable, have fun.
9. Age
- As much as we hate to admit it, aging along with aches and pains are hard to avoid or ignore. Acrobatics and hanging off the chandelier become less appealing or perhaps it would be more accurate to say physically impossible, if you know what I mean. Lol It could also affect your opinion of sex. In some cases it affords one more experience so continue to explore and have fun.
Sadly the questions remain unanswered. How important is sex in a relationship? When it's bad, what do you do? Can it be fixed? How?
Feel free to send your feedback. I'm sure many are seeking answers to these questions and looking for some advice. In the meantime, good luck. Sorry this post was so long.
Dateless in Ottawa
Finally at the age of 18 I met the guy that would become my first boyfriend. My parents did try to match make me with a family friend when I was 16, but that ended in disaster. There was another guy that claimed to be interested, but turns out he had a long term girlfriend so early on I learned to be cautious and not trust.
As we get older, we meet other people and date. This is how we gain relationship experience. I was always the one in long-term relationships. Sadly they usually ended badly with me being the one hurt. In all cases, the guys cheated. Being inexperienced and naïve is not a good thing. It opens you up to being taken advantage of. Growing up everything seemed so perfect and ideallic. You treat others the way you want to be treated, with honesty and compassion being the centre of your existence. This is what our parents and religion taught us. By the same token, our parents were quick to point out the differences between a good girl and a bad girl. They never went into too much detail, but you pretty much knew if you couldn't talk to them about it, it was a bad thing so best not to go there. This would explain why at the age of 18 I had never been kissed, other than on the cheek.
The guy that would become my first boyfriend didn't believe me. He was floored. What shocked him even more was the fact that I was a virgin. He didn't think those truly existed at my age. As naïve as I was, it took him almost 2 years to finally get me into bed. Sadly it was a terrible experience, for me anyways. It was over in under 2 minutes with him fast asleep and me lying there crying out of disappointment. I felt so let down. OMG! Those romantic movies made it look so beautiful and exciting. They lied, what was this? Is this how it is all the time? If so, why do parents make such a big deal about it? A good girl is supposed to save herself for marriage, why? For what? I was full of regret and thought, I'm going to go to hell. How sad that we were programed to believe that. I hadn't done any thing wrong. Why did I suddenly feel so guilty and ashamed?
Over the years circumstances threw me back into the dating world and ultimately online dating. This was an entirely new learning curve. Don't even get me started with messaging and texting, I thought government had a lot of acronyms, never mind! I met and dated a couple more guys. I quickly learned that no two guys are alike. Sooner or later you will have sex, it's normal and I think necessary. The physical aspect of a relationship is equally important to the emotional. Sex or love making is an art. Some guys have it, others don't. I'm sure the same applies to women. Various factors come into play for a successful physical relationship. For me, most importantly there has to be chemistry and physical attraction. One night stands and sex for the sake of having sex is not and has never been for me. I don't rush into anything so the guy better be very patient. If he's not, then goodbye cause he's not for me. Holding off for several weeks is a great way to determine whether or not a guy is simply after sex.
Back to the original question - How important is sex?
I guess it all depends on who you ask. Sadly some of the people I asked stated that it was only important when trying to procreate, once they had the number of children they wanted, that was it. Others simply don't enjoy it so they don't see the point in having it. Some schedule sex. Really? Me of all people can totally understand how chaotic life can get with kids, work and other responsibilities, but schedule sex once a month? OMG and you wonder why you're not happy? You so have to read about the benefits of having sex regularly. Very sad, I feel sorry for these people. Then you have the extreme opposite end of the spectrum where they can't get enough sex. Something in between would be nice.
Personally I think when you're having sex things are usually great, the minute it stops, chances are there's a problem. The physical aspect is what helps two people bond, stay connected and share an exclusive intimacy that has no limits. The possibilities are endless and partners should be open to exploring and experimenting. You have to keep that spark alive and have fun. That said, when you've had a couple of partners, it's very hard not to compare.
Over time, much like we develop habits, we also develop preferences. The same applies to sex. When you're with someone for a long time, you eventually come up with your style and/or routine. This is what I find difficult. A relationship ends so now you have to meet someone else and start over. You only know what you know. It's scary, kind of like starting a new job and needing training. Remember, no two people fit together the same way and each will have his/her own style. You have to figure out how to blend these two styles or develop a whole new one if your partner is willing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Here's another complex question. You're dating someone who's wonderful. They understand you, have similar beliefs and interests, are willing to try new things, are honest, hard working and it's obvious they truly care. Sooner or later you have sex. One problem; the sex sucks. What do you do? Tough one isn't it? How often does someone come along that successfully manages to check off pretty much every item on your extensive "must haves" list? The first few times you sleep with someone can be awkward until you develop your groove, but after a while if things aren't getting better....
In life I try to be positive and maintain hope. Generally I think an individual regardless of age, can pretty much do anything they set their mind to. That said, some things can be fixed and others can't. Some of us can learn new things, others can't or won't. The same applies to sex. We're all different. We think differently, our bodies are shaped differently, our physical abilities differ and our needs are different.
Many of the men I know have this attitude that they are God's gift to women and they are the best lovers in the world. If only they could sleep with themselves and then others, maybe they'd better understand. My ex was of this mind set. If only he knew how wrong he is, at least in my opinion. This God complex means he doesn't care what a woman wants or needs. In his mind he's the best and he knows what he's doing so sit back and enjoy the ride, your opinion doesn't matter. I find from my experience, if a man gets off, orgasms, comes whatever you want to call it, he's usually satisfied. Whether it lasts a few minutes or hours, doesn't seem to be overly important. The goal is having an orgasm. Don't get me wrong, there are always exceptions, but these tend to be less common. If you find a guy who's giving and puts your first, hold onto him for dear life! It's the equivalent of winning the lottery for God's sake. For women it usually requires a bit more time, at least for me anyways. I'm sure other women would argue it's perfectly fine, the sooner it's over the better. Lol The whole two minute thing does nothing for me. He's done and I'm barely warmed up, why bother? Life isn't fair.
There are several factors that can impact a physical relationship:
1. Size, yes penis size and the vagina too
- I won't lie. Penis size can affect sex, but if he knows what he's doing it should not be an issue. In general if he's too big it could be painful and if he's too small she might not feel much. Flip things around and the woman's vagina also impacts sex.
2. Physical fitness level
- Sex can be very physically challenging so being in shape makes a difference. It can certainly affect stamina and creativity.
3. Beliefs, religion and morals
- Sadly I have friends that think sex is a dirty thing. It should not be enjoyed, it is used as a means to procreate. Believe it or not, I've met men who felt the same way. Hard to change the way you think when this is how you were raised.
4. Body image
- If you hate how you look, having sex will be difficult. We can all be a bit self-conscious and we're our own worst critic. Taking our clothes off and being naked is extremely difficult to do when you're not happy with how your body looks. It makes us feel vulnerable, uncomfortable.
5. Confidence
- "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!" This is not easy to do. In this day and age we're constantly reminded to be politically correct. Confidence is sexy don't confuse it with arrogance, which is a major turn off.
6. Experience
- Helps a lot, especially when your partner is not as experienced. Think of it as a dance. One leads and the other one follows. Eventually both should have the ability to lead and alternate roles seamlessly.
7. Weight
- Being underweight or overweight can impact performance. You don't want to wind up with broken bones or crushed, nor do we want to hurt our partner. There may be positions that don't work.
8. Curiosity and open mindedness
- Being open to new things and exploring the infinite possibilities is key. Don't limit yourself. As they say, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. You have to figure out what works and what doesn't so a bit of trial and error is inevitable, have fun.
9. Age
- As much as we hate to admit it, aging along with aches and pains are hard to avoid or ignore. Acrobatics and hanging off the chandelier become less appealing or perhaps it would be more accurate to say physically impossible, if you know what I mean. Lol It could also affect your opinion of sex. In some cases it affords one more experience so continue to explore and have fun.
Sadly the questions remain unanswered. How important is sex in a relationship? When it's bad, what do you do? Can it be fixed? How?
Feel free to send your feedback. I'm sure many are seeking answers to these questions and looking for some advice. In the meantime, good luck. Sorry this post was so long.
Dateless in Ottawa
Saturday 11 November 2017
Online Dating Sites Explored - Part 1: C-Dating
So off I went to explore the various dating sites currently available. In my previous posts, I've talked about the sites I've used. Not sure how many still exist, whether they've changed or how they operate, so I figured the best way to research them was to do a Google search for the Top 10 Online Dating Sites and create a profile in each so I can provide a detailed and comprehensive assessment. Not sure who they poll, but every time you do a search different results and rankings come up. Most of the sites listed are familiar, but there were some new ones. My curiosity was piqued, so I got to work and started creating profiles and checking out the various features and differences between the sites based on one of the Top 10 search results that had come up. I decided I wouldn't post any pictures. Just set up a profile, figure out how it works, what the features are and check out some profiles.
#1. C-Dating - This was a new one. I had never heard of it before.
I went into the site and started creating my profile. All of sudden there was a section asking for my sexual preferences. This seemed odd and unnecessary for an online dating site. I skipped this section and continued. Oddly enough, you don't create a user name. The system generates one for you using a combination of letters and numbers. I didn't think twice, figured it saves me the trouble of trying to come up with a creative username that isn't already taken. Then there was a section where you choose pictures based on your sexual category. This left me puzzled. Something didn't seem right to me. There was way too much reference to sex and preferences. To me this is something a couple explores at their own pace when they decide they have chemistry and want to pursue a relationship. At this point I decided to check out a few profiles before completing mine.
OMG! The guys are quite detailed about their fetishes and sexual preferences. Now I knew for sure this was not a typical online dating site. I should've done more research before creating a profile. According to the site's FAQs, this is what I found:
#1. C-Dating - This was a new one. I had never heard of it before.
I went into the site and started creating my profile. All of sudden there was a section asking for my sexual preferences. This seemed odd and unnecessary for an online dating site. I skipped this section and continued. Oddly enough, you don't create a user name. The system generates one for you using a combination of letters and numbers. I didn't think twice, figured it saves me the trouble of trying to come up with a creative username that isn't already taken. Then there was a section where you choose pictures based on your sexual category. This left me puzzled. Something didn't seem right to me. There was way too much reference to sex and preferences. To me this is something a couple explores at their own pace when they decide they have chemistry and want to pursue a relationship. At this point I decided to check out a few profiles before completing mine.
OMG! The guys are quite detailed about their fetishes and sexual preferences. Now I knew for sure this was not a typical online dating site. I should've done more research before creating a profile. According to the site's FAQs, this is what I found:
"CDating offers a clearly distinguished service compared to other single chats, dating platforms or lonely heart internet ads. CDating caters to men, women and couples who don’t want to miss out on non-committal relationships. CDating is a meeting place for those who would like to live out their erotic fantasies in a refined manner. Our member receive individual contact proposals generated by the CDating matching algorithm, designed for optimal compatibility. With over seven years of experience in managing global online dating services, CDating understands the importance of confidentiality, customer service and relevant matching technology. That’s why we are at the top of our game."
At the end of the day, this is a no strings attached sex matching service not an online dating site. No wonder the usernames are system generated, this helps to ensure anonymity as anyone can use it, not just single people. I quickly deleted everything and won't be going back onto that site again. When exploring dating sites, check them out, do a Google search and look for blogs that give feedback or ratings before signing up. Kind of pathetic that it came up as a Top 10 Online Dating site when I did the Google search. In my opinion, this is not a dating site at least not for me.
On to the next site!
Dateless in Ottawa
At the end of the day, this is a no strings attached sex matching service not an online dating site. No wonder the usernames are system generated, this helps to ensure anonymity as anyone can use it, not just single people. I quickly deleted everything and won't be going back onto that site again. When exploring dating sites, check them out, do a Google search and look for blogs that give feedback or ratings before signing up. Kind of pathetic that it came up as a Top 10 Online Dating site when I did the Google search. In my opinion, this is not a dating site at least not for me.
On to the next site!
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday 13 September 2017
Researching Online Dating Sites and Match Making Services
Hello,
I've been toying with the idea of possibly going back to online dating at some point, but still not 100% ready or convinced it's for me. Just the thought actually causes me a bit of anxiety. Friends and family have been suggesting sites so I figured I'd do some research to see what's out there. Even if it's not for me, it makes me feel good to help others.
If you have any suggestions on site or other methods, I'm game. As I check out the various sites I'll post some information along with my thoughts and opinions. Feel free to share your comments, experiences and feelings on some of the sites you might have tried. What worked? What didn't work? Which ones would you recommend? What have your friends, family or co-workers tried?
Let's all go do some research and check back. Like I keep telling my single friends, one should never give up hope. The right person will come along eventually. If only I could take my own advice!
Oh well, good luck and I'll post some details soon!
Dateless in Ottawa
I've been toying with the idea of possibly going back to online dating at some point, but still not 100% ready or convinced it's for me. Just the thought actually causes me a bit of anxiety. Friends and family have been suggesting sites so I figured I'd do some research to see what's out there. Even if it's not for me, it makes me feel good to help others.
If you have any suggestions on site or other methods, I'm game. As I check out the various sites I'll post some information along with my thoughts and opinions. Feel free to share your comments, experiences and feelings on some of the sites you might have tried. What worked? What didn't work? Which ones would you recommend? What have your friends, family or co-workers tried?
Let's all go do some research and check back. Like I keep telling my single friends, one should never give up hope. The right person will come along eventually. If only I could take my own advice!
Oh well, good luck and I'll post some details soon!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 10 September 2017
Going to Weddings when you're Single
As ok as I am with being single, going to a wedding is a whole different ball game. This was the first wedding I attended since my husband's death. These were close friends and I was honoured to help out with some of the planning and last minute tasks. Weddings are fabulous celebrations with great food, company and special moments, but this one affected me emotionally. As in many cases, the majority of the guests were couples. I wasn't alone as my children were with me, however it's not the same as being with a date or significant other. Watching couples interact makes me long for the same thing. It took me back to my wedding day and how much fun we had.
Seeing a gentleman pull out the chair for his significant other, hold her purse, go to the bar to get her favourite drink, share a private toast, place his suit jacket over her shoulders at the first sign of a chill, lead her to the dance floor...all lovely romantic gestures. I'll forever be a sucker for chivalry and this is what I miss most.
When the music started, that's when it hit me like a freight train. The Latin blood in me starts to dance the minute the first note plays. All this long before my brain clues in to the fact that music is playing. It's like my body has a mind of its own. My feet start to tap to the rhythm of the music and soon my entire body is aching to move and deeply affected by the music. Luckily my youngest loves to dance so she kept me company on the dance floor and had all the guests thoroughly entertained. The bride's son was also an amazing dancer. My oldest kids were like, "No way, what do you mean? I am not dancing Mom." Quite surprising given that all of my girls take dance classes and compete, they should be naturals! All of a sudden they seemed awkward and unable to dance. So much for moving to the rhythm of the music. Ok so some of the songs were a bit older, but come on the 90's and early 2000's had awesome dance music! Then there's the Latin tunes, how can anyone not get up and dance? The teenage years have made my kids unsocial and way too self conscious.
I love watching couples dance. Many at this wedding obviously take dance lessons. It's so beautiful to watch them glide around the dance floor in sync and perfectly coordinated. Reminds me of the movies with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, not to mention my parents who were also amazing dancers. As a child I think I spent way too much time watching, should've taken more lessons!
Sadly when the slow songs start, you find yourself sitting alone at the table. Even my kids took off. The photo booth was far more interesting than watching the dance floor. It also happens when I go out with my friends, I'm the fifth wheel. This is what I find difficult. You can only go the bathroom so many times. Have you ever noticed that DJ's have a habit of playing 2-3 slow songs in a row? Well this guy seemed to have all the extended versions to boot! Thank you very much, maybe I should go for a long walk, read a book...can we please go back to the Latin tunes???
Coincidentally, just before going to the wedding I was talking to a close friend who'd gone to a wedding the week before. He too was feeling a bit down and lonely. It makes you question where you are in life, where you'd like to be and where others think you should be. At times you wonder whether there's something wrong with you. Everyone else seems to be happy and with someone, how come not me? Where are we supposed to look? Are you doing things right? What would make you happy? Are our expectations unreasonable? So many questions. Given his experiences he's not sure he's ready to go back to online dating which is apparently the best and/or only option for finding "the one." I'm in the same boat, maybe eventually.
Oh well, perhaps one day we'll look back and laugh at our current sorrows. The key is to trust that we're exactly where we are supposed to be, while never giving up hope. Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Seeing a gentleman pull out the chair for his significant other, hold her purse, go to the bar to get her favourite drink, share a private toast, place his suit jacket over her shoulders at the first sign of a chill, lead her to the dance floor...all lovely romantic gestures. I'll forever be a sucker for chivalry and this is what I miss most.
When the music started, that's when it hit me like a freight train. The Latin blood in me starts to dance the minute the first note plays. All this long before my brain clues in to the fact that music is playing. It's like my body has a mind of its own. My feet start to tap to the rhythm of the music and soon my entire body is aching to move and deeply affected by the music. Luckily my youngest loves to dance so she kept me company on the dance floor and had all the guests thoroughly entertained. The bride's son was also an amazing dancer. My oldest kids were like, "No way, what do you mean? I am not dancing Mom." Quite surprising given that all of my girls take dance classes and compete, they should be naturals! All of a sudden they seemed awkward and unable to dance. So much for moving to the rhythm of the music. Ok so some of the songs were a bit older, but come on the 90's and early 2000's had awesome dance music! Then there's the Latin tunes, how can anyone not get up and dance? The teenage years have made my kids unsocial and way too self conscious.
I love watching couples dance. Many at this wedding obviously take dance lessons. It's so beautiful to watch them glide around the dance floor in sync and perfectly coordinated. Reminds me of the movies with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, not to mention my parents who were also amazing dancers. As a child I think I spent way too much time watching, should've taken more lessons!
Sadly when the slow songs start, you find yourself sitting alone at the table. Even my kids took off. The photo booth was far more interesting than watching the dance floor. It also happens when I go out with my friends, I'm the fifth wheel. This is what I find difficult. You can only go the bathroom so many times. Have you ever noticed that DJ's have a habit of playing 2-3 slow songs in a row? Well this guy seemed to have all the extended versions to boot! Thank you very much, maybe I should go for a long walk, read a book...can we please go back to the Latin tunes???
Coincidentally, just before going to the wedding I was talking to a close friend who'd gone to a wedding the week before. He too was feeling a bit down and lonely. It makes you question where you are in life, where you'd like to be and where others think you should be. At times you wonder whether there's something wrong with you. Everyone else seems to be happy and with someone, how come not me? Where are we supposed to look? Are you doing things right? What would make you happy? Are our expectations unreasonable? So many questions. Given his experiences he's not sure he's ready to go back to online dating which is apparently the best and/or only option for finding "the one." I'm in the same boat, maybe eventually.
Oh well, perhaps one day we'll look back and laugh at our current sorrows. The key is to trust that we're exactly where we are supposed to be, while never giving up hope. Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 30 July 2017
Strange Questions Men Ask - Update #2
For those using online dating, I'm quite sure you've had your share of unusual or strange questions and messages from other users. I had breakfast with a girlfriend this morning and she was telling me about POF and some of her latest odd emails. Always very entertaining to hear about everyone else's online dating experiences. She's so turned off she's thrown in the towel. For now enjoying the Summer will be her priority.
Below you will find a collection of strange, weird and unusual questions guys have asked before they've even met a woman. Most are mine, a couple are borrowed from girlfriends.
1. Should I bring my overnight bag?
Not what you expect when you're trying to make plans to meet for the first time. Just a little presumptuous, don't you think? So much for letting things happen on their own.
2. Do you play strip poker sometimes?
Pardon me? Can't say I've ever played. It could be fun, but highly unlikely to happen on the first or second date!
3. Are you ok with threesomes?
Excuse me? I haven't met you, let alone slept with you and you're already trying to bring a third person into it?
4. I have a foot fetish, can you describe your feet for me?
Sure: Sore and in desperate need of a massage! Lol Do you do pedicures?
5. What's your favourite sexual position?
Unbelievable! Why don't we just wait to see whether there's any chemistry or potential and we'll play it by ear? Besides, shouldn't there be a certain amount of mystery and intrigue?
6. Would you go to a strip club with me?
Not sure this is the kind of venue I'd pick for a first date or any date for that matter, but if we're going to watch the Chippendales why not? Based on his reaction I don't think this was the answer he was looking for! Lol
7. Is it ok if I bring my brother?
Really? I'm meeting a guy for coffee and he has to bring his brother with him? Sorry, but I'm not interested in threesomes.
8. Will you be my submissive?
Me? I think not, my kids say I'm too bossy so I guess that means I like to be in charge! LMAO
9. If I cuddle after sex, would you let me move in with you? I kinda need a place to stay.
Say what? We just started emailing and you're already making plans to move in?
10. I'll ask my Mom what she thinks about us meeting for coffee and get back to you.
Say what? Ask your Mom for permission to go out on a date? While you're at it, let me know what she thinks of my profile and the pictures. On second thought, never mind good luck with your search.
11. I lost my wallet and need to get back to Canada. Can you lend me a couple of thousand dollars so I can buy a plane ticket to come home? Don't worry, I'll take you out for dinner and pay you back as soon as I get home.
Yeah, sure the cheque is in the mail. Buddy, I didn't fall off a turnip truck yesterday.
12. My wife will be away next weekend, why don't you come over on Saturday?
Thanks, but I'll pass. I only date single, divorced or widowed men.
13. Do you like golden showers?
I knew exactly what he meant, but had to play dumb.
Of course I do, why do you think I travel to tropical places? Gotta tan on the beach for hours under the golden showers of a hot sun with a frozen margarita in my hand.
14. Are your boobs real? Would you consider having plastic surgery?
Oh my, we're bordering on insulting with these questions. Odd to ask these questions when you haven't met me yet. Then again maybe a tummy tuck would be nice if you're paying.
15. Would you like a load of seamen?
He was in the navy and no he wasn't trying to be funny. He was very serious. Once again a bit too forward for my taste. Try meeting in person first and then see where it goes.
"Very kind of you, but I'll pass thanks." Not to mention he needs help with spelling too!
16. Will you come visit me?
Another guy looking for sex. I couldn't resist.
"Visit you? Are you going to prison? Do you have to have surgery?" He got totally confused. Oh well, next!
17. Will you marry me?
I've lost count as to how many men have asked me to marry them simply based on pictures of food I had posted or after mentioning that I love to cook and bake. This question is supposed to be reserved for the "one" so I suppose I should be somewhat flattered, but the meaning is greatly diminished when it's not heartfelt and serious. Also a tad premature when you haven't even met in person!
Some of the questions blow my mind. Are these guys for real? Give your head a shake. And they wonder why they're still single? Oh boy, let me count the ways.
As I remember more crazy questions, I'll update this post. I'd love to hear some of your gems, feel free to share! If nothing else, I hope this post made you laugh.
Dateless in Ottawa
Below you will find a collection of strange, weird and unusual questions guys have asked before they've even met a woman. Most are mine, a couple are borrowed from girlfriends.
1. Should I bring my overnight bag?
Not what you expect when you're trying to make plans to meet for the first time. Just a little presumptuous, don't you think? So much for letting things happen on their own.
2. Do you play strip poker sometimes?
Pardon me? Can't say I've ever played. It could be fun, but highly unlikely to happen on the first or second date!
3. Are you ok with threesomes?
Excuse me? I haven't met you, let alone slept with you and you're already trying to bring a third person into it?
4. I have a foot fetish, can you describe your feet for me?
Sure: Sore and in desperate need of a massage! Lol Do you do pedicures?
5. What's your favourite sexual position?
Unbelievable! Why don't we just wait to see whether there's any chemistry or potential and we'll play it by ear? Besides, shouldn't there be a certain amount of mystery and intrigue?
6. Would you go to a strip club with me?
Not sure this is the kind of venue I'd pick for a first date or any date for that matter, but if we're going to watch the Chippendales why not? Based on his reaction I don't think this was the answer he was looking for! Lol
7. Is it ok if I bring my brother?
Really? I'm meeting a guy for coffee and he has to bring his brother with him? Sorry, but I'm not interested in threesomes.
8. Will you be my submissive?
Me? I think not, my kids say I'm too bossy so I guess that means I like to be in charge! LMAO
9. If I cuddle after sex, would you let me move in with you? I kinda need a place to stay.
Say what? We just started emailing and you're already making plans to move in?
10. I'll ask my Mom what she thinks about us meeting for coffee and get back to you.
Say what? Ask your Mom for permission to go out on a date? While you're at it, let me know what she thinks of my profile and the pictures. On second thought, never mind good luck with your search.
11. I lost my wallet and need to get back to Canada. Can you lend me a couple of thousand dollars so I can buy a plane ticket to come home? Don't worry, I'll take you out for dinner and pay you back as soon as I get home.
Yeah, sure the cheque is in the mail. Buddy, I didn't fall off a turnip truck yesterday.
12. My wife will be away next weekend, why don't you come over on Saturday?
Thanks, but I'll pass. I only date single, divorced or widowed men.
13. Do you like golden showers?
I knew exactly what he meant, but had to play dumb.
Of course I do, why do you think I travel to tropical places? Gotta tan on the beach for hours under the golden showers of a hot sun with a frozen margarita in my hand.
14. Are your boobs real? Would you consider having plastic surgery?
Oh my, we're bordering on insulting with these questions. Odd to ask these questions when you haven't met me yet. Then again maybe a tummy tuck would be nice if you're paying.
15. Would you like a load of seamen?
He was in the navy and no he wasn't trying to be funny. He was very serious. Once again a bit too forward for my taste. Try meeting in person first and then see where it goes.
"Very kind of you, but I'll pass thanks." Not to mention he needs help with spelling too!
16. Will you come visit me?
Another guy looking for sex. I couldn't resist.
"Visit you? Are you going to prison? Do you have to have surgery?" He got totally confused. Oh well, next!
17. Will you marry me?
I've lost count as to how many men have asked me to marry them simply based on pictures of food I had posted or after mentioning that I love to cook and bake. This question is supposed to be reserved for the "one" so I suppose I should be somewhat flattered, but the meaning is greatly diminished when it's not heartfelt and serious. Also a tad premature when you haven't even met in person!
Some of the questions blow my mind. Are these guys for real? Give your head a shake. And they wonder why they're still single? Oh boy, let me count the ways.
As I remember more crazy questions, I'll update this post. I'd love to hear some of your gems, feel free to share! If nothing else, I hope this post made you laugh.
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 23 July 2017
Speed Dating - Round 3
After several calls and emails from the organizers insisting I attend, I finally caved and agreed to participate. It was only going to cost me my time and parking so why not? A reason to get out and I looked forward to being entertained. After two very interesting experiences, I had no expectations. It would be great to network with other women. Funny that the organizers were so desperate for women to participate. No doubt we all felt the same way, especially after the last event.
The day of the event arrived. Thankfully I checked my email before heading out. The venue was changed. I didn't see this as a good thing. Anyone who didn't check their email would be showing up at the wrong venue. Six of us managed to receive the notification and arrived at the correct restaurant. The organizers had posted a sign at the other one, but 30 minutes later and the rest of the participants had not arrived. Someone went over to the other place to redirect people, but it wasn't looking good. The new venue was nice, very modern with chic décor. They led us upstairs to a small room with tables set up. Shortly after a waitress appeared with drinks. After just a few minutes, we were overheating. The air conditioning didn't seem to be working and it was stifling hot. We asked the waitress if they could turn up the A/C, but there was no change. Several people complained so they opened all the windows. The organizers arrived with a couple more participants and apologized for the delay. They said we'd have to get started as they were not able to reach the other participants.
There were three guys and five girls. We were all a bit tired of waiting and it was way too hot in there. By the time things go underway, we were over an hour behind schedule. The waitress brought pitchers of water and tried to make us comfortable. The event started.
Date #1 - The Artist
Another artist with a bold flowery shirt. I let him do the talking.
Him: "How are you? I'm _____ .
Me: "Nice to meet you."
Him: "Pretty hot in here isn't it? "
Me: "Yes it is."
Him: "What do you do for a living?"
Me: "I work for the federal government. What do you do?"
Him: "I'm in the process of selling some of my art."
Me: "How much have you sold?"
Him: "Nothing yet, I'm just starting to spread the word."
Ok, I was done. Thankfully the bell rang. Next!
Date #2 - The World Traveller
He had long hair and an unkept look. Once again I don't think he knew what business casual meant.
Him: "I'm _________ , what's your name?"
Me: "Nice to meet you, I'm ________ .
Him: "How was your day?"
Me: "Great and yours?"
Him: "Good, I just booked my trip to Norway. I'm going to travel around for a few months."
Me: "So you're trying to start a relationship, but leaving to travel shortly?"
Him: "It was something to do, nice to get out and meet people. Not looking for a relationship right now, just enjoying myself."
Me: "So you're taking vacation leave from work to travel?"
Him: "No, I work here and there just to save up so I can travel."
Next!!!!!
Date #3 - The Pretty Boy
It was very obvious he was a player. He seemed young for this event. Totally not my type.
Him: "Hey, how's it going?"
Me: "Good thanks and you?"
Him: "Great, just hanging out."
Me: "So what brings you here?"
Him: "I kind of have a girlfriend, but I'm bored. Looking for something new."
Me: "Kind of, are you still with her or did you break it off already?"
Him: "We're still together, I'm just looking for something better then I'll see."
Me: "I'm not for you, I wish you luck. Maybe you should be honest with your girlfriend and end it if you're not happy. Take care, bye."
I left. Oh well, no one can say I didn't try. I got to chat with one lady I had met at the last event and had a couple of drinks, so all was not lost. The new restaurant was nice, but they needed to get their air conditioning fixed. These types of events were not for me. My speed dating career was over.
Speed dating is very different. The nice thing being you don't waste weeks or months emailing and talking on the phone only to meet the person and realize there's no chemistry. You meet the person right away and after a few questions you know whether or not there's potential. For some this will be a great way to meet people and possibly find the "one", unfortunately it didn't work for me.
Keep an open mind and give it shot. Don't go in with any expectations, just enjoy the experience and use it as a networking opportunity. I stayed in touch with some of the women I met and we helped each other out with issues that came up at work. Nice to have friends in different fields.
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
The day of the event arrived. Thankfully I checked my email before heading out. The venue was changed. I didn't see this as a good thing. Anyone who didn't check their email would be showing up at the wrong venue. Six of us managed to receive the notification and arrived at the correct restaurant. The organizers had posted a sign at the other one, but 30 minutes later and the rest of the participants had not arrived. Someone went over to the other place to redirect people, but it wasn't looking good. The new venue was nice, very modern with chic décor. They led us upstairs to a small room with tables set up. Shortly after a waitress appeared with drinks. After just a few minutes, we were overheating. The air conditioning didn't seem to be working and it was stifling hot. We asked the waitress if they could turn up the A/C, but there was no change. Several people complained so they opened all the windows. The organizers arrived with a couple more participants and apologized for the delay. They said we'd have to get started as they were not able to reach the other participants.
There were three guys and five girls. We were all a bit tired of waiting and it was way too hot in there. By the time things go underway, we were over an hour behind schedule. The waitress brought pitchers of water and tried to make us comfortable. The event started.
Date #1 - The Artist
Another artist with a bold flowery shirt. I let him do the talking.
Him: "How are you? I'm _____ .
Me: "Nice to meet you."
Him: "Pretty hot in here isn't it? "
Me: "Yes it is."
Him: "What do you do for a living?"
Me: "I work for the federal government. What do you do?"
Him: "I'm in the process of selling some of my art."
Me: "How much have you sold?"
Him: "Nothing yet, I'm just starting to spread the word."
Ok, I was done. Thankfully the bell rang. Next!
Date #2 - The World Traveller
He had long hair and an unkept look. Once again I don't think he knew what business casual meant.
Him: "I'm _________ , what's your name?"
Me: "Nice to meet you, I'm ________ .
Him: "How was your day?"
Me: "Great and yours?"
Him: "Good, I just booked my trip to Norway. I'm going to travel around for a few months."
Me: "So you're trying to start a relationship, but leaving to travel shortly?"
Him: "It was something to do, nice to get out and meet people. Not looking for a relationship right now, just enjoying myself."
Me: "So you're taking vacation leave from work to travel?"
Him: "No, I work here and there just to save up so I can travel."
Next!!!!!
Date #3 - The Pretty Boy
It was very obvious he was a player. He seemed young for this event. Totally not my type.
Him: "Hey, how's it going?"
Me: "Good thanks and you?"
Him: "Great, just hanging out."
Me: "So what brings you here?"
Him: "I kind of have a girlfriend, but I'm bored. Looking for something new."
Me: "Kind of, are you still with her or did you break it off already?"
Him: "We're still together, I'm just looking for something better then I'll see."
Me: "I'm not for you, I wish you luck. Maybe you should be honest with your girlfriend and end it if you're not happy. Take care, bye."
I left. Oh well, no one can say I didn't try. I got to chat with one lady I had met at the last event and had a couple of drinks, so all was not lost. The new restaurant was nice, but they needed to get their air conditioning fixed. These types of events were not for me. My speed dating career was over.
Speed dating is very different. The nice thing being you don't waste weeks or months emailing and talking on the phone only to meet the person and realize there's no chemistry. You meet the person right away and after a few questions you know whether or not there's potential. For some this will be a great way to meet people and possibly find the "one", unfortunately it didn't work for me.
Keep an open mind and give it shot. Don't go in with any expectations, just enjoy the experience and use it as a networking opportunity. I stayed in touch with some of the women I met and we helped each other out with issues that came up at work. Nice to have friends in different fields.
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Tuesday 11 July 2017
Relationships & Settling - What does it mean and should you?
It's very discouraging when others tell you to stay in a relationship you're not happy in because: "You're getting older and you won't find anyone better."
"You're way too picky, what is wrong with you?"
What is settling? Is that what my parents did? Were they truly happy? How many people settle? This question haunts me endlessly.
In an age where everything including relationships have become so disposable and temporary, why would or should anyone have to settle? I suppose in some cases people have very good reasons for settling. It could be for financial reasons, due to religion, out of obligation or devotion and countless other reasons we probably wouldn't understand or think of.
Years ago and still in some cultures, if you're not married by a certain age you're labeled an old maid. This can be viewed as a disgrace and/or a burden to the family. A woman might feel forced to marry whomever would have her or who she's been arranged to marry to make her family happy and preserve their honour. Very sad, I can't imagine being stuck in that situation.
Personally I want to feel madly, head over heels in love with my partner and I would hope that he would feel the same way about me. Your heart should skip a beat when they kiss you. When they touch you, you melt and your entire body tingles. When you see them walking into a room you suddenly feel butterflies in your stomach. When you're apart, you yearn for them. There should be an element of passion. No relationship is perfect. There will be times when you're so pissed off you don't want to see them, but most of the time you should long to be together and miss them. Don't forget, make-up sex is a wonderful thing!
Am I being realistic? Sadly it's possible that many people don't experience any of what I've listed above. Reading this they'll think I'm insane and living in some fantasy world that only exists in my brain. In my case I have felt these emotions and know they exist. Trust me it's real and possible. You can experience fireworks. For years I didn't think it was possible. Watching all those romantic movies and racy sex scenes. I would gag and say, "Whatever, that is so fake as if!" OMG, when it does happen you are blown away. I can't begin to describe the feelings I experienced, but they are addictive and wonderful. Sad when I think that many people don't experience any of this in a lifetime. The question is will I find the same thing again? Is it a once in a life time thing that I should be grateful I experienced and now take whatever I can get? No two people are the same nor do they fit together physically the same way so one shouldn't compare, but it's so hard not to. How do you go from mind blowing sex to just ok? When you're accustomed to something a certain way, it's hard to accept anything less. Change is difficult and in some cases, impossible.
There are some amazing people out there, but at what point do our expectations become unrealistic and/or unattainable? Is it fair to the other person?
I'll ask the question again, what does it mean to "settle" when we're talking about relationships? Let's check out some definitions I found online:
1. Settling - accepting significantly less than you want, because you don't think you can get what you want. (Quora)
2. Settle - the act of giving up someone you love or something of value for less than desired, the act of not being able to satisfy your need or want and choosing someone or something of lower standard or value. (Urban dictionary)
3. Settling - being in a relationship with someone that you know deep down you won't always be happy with. (eNotalone)
4. Settling - staying with someone that you are not into or not in love with, just for the sake of being with someone. (eNotalone)
There are so many factors that can impact whether or not a person settles.
1. Fear of being alone
- I know many people that just can't be alone so they'll stay with whomever, just so that they are not alone.
2. Finances
- There are other out there that stay with someone simply for the money. They pay the bills and afford them a lifestyle they wouldn't otherwise be able to afford.
3. Convenience
- You fall into a routine and it works. It's not bad and it's not great, but it could be far worse so why not? Both parties are content.
4. Obligation/Devotion
- Growing up my parents drilled into us that, "When you make your bed, you sleep in it. Marriage is forever." All fine and well in a perfect world, but what happens if your spouse dies? What if they beat the crap out of you or cheat, do you have to stay? Should you be alone for the rest of your life? Seems like a person is punished for circumstances beyond their control.
5. Religion
- Much like my parents, the Catholic religion teaches us that marriage is forever. Divorce is a sin. Once again it doesn't address what a widow(er) should do. If you would have asked my Grandmother, she'd say you never look at another man. She was widowed at 29 and left with 4 young children. She wore black until the day she died at the age of 100 and never even contemplated re-marrying. She struggled financially and with medical issues, but the thought of remarrying never crossed her mind.
6. Age
- I would imagine the older you are, the less picky you are? Not sure I'm 100% sold on this as I find with age I get pickier and refuse to compromise! Lol As I look at my older relatives that have been widowed, things like sex, money, material wealth and jet setting around the world are not important. Most are content on their own or simply want companionship, someone to talk to, go for walks with, etc. Their needs have changed.
7. You believe you can change him/her
- A person will only change if they want to. You can't force a person to be someone or something they are not. Some will stay together believing that eventually they will change their partner and mold them into their idea of perfect.
8. Low self-esteem
- You believe you don't deserve any better so you'll stay with whomever will have you.
It's complicated. To me it is inconceivable to settle, I'd rather be alone than pretend to be happy. I have to be honest with myself and with the person I'm with. Perhaps one day I'll solve this complex conundrum. For now I have to trust that life is as it should be and see what the future brings.
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
"You're way too picky, what is wrong with you?"
What is settling? Is that what my parents did? Were they truly happy? How many people settle? This question haunts me endlessly.
In an age where everything including relationships have become so disposable and temporary, why would or should anyone have to settle? I suppose in some cases people have very good reasons for settling. It could be for financial reasons, due to religion, out of obligation or devotion and countless other reasons we probably wouldn't understand or think of.
Years ago and still in some cultures, if you're not married by a certain age you're labeled an old maid. This can be viewed as a disgrace and/or a burden to the family. A woman might feel forced to marry whomever would have her or who she's been arranged to marry to make her family happy and preserve their honour. Very sad, I can't imagine being stuck in that situation.
Personally I want to feel madly, head over heels in love with my partner and I would hope that he would feel the same way about me. Your heart should skip a beat when they kiss you. When they touch you, you melt and your entire body tingles. When you see them walking into a room you suddenly feel butterflies in your stomach. When you're apart, you yearn for them. There should be an element of passion. No relationship is perfect. There will be times when you're so pissed off you don't want to see them, but most of the time you should long to be together and miss them. Don't forget, make-up sex is a wonderful thing!
Am I being realistic? Sadly it's possible that many people don't experience any of what I've listed above. Reading this they'll think I'm insane and living in some fantasy world that only exists in my brain. In my case I have felt these emotions and know they exist. Trust me it's real and possible. You can experience fireworks. For years I didn't think it was possible. Watching all those romantic movies and racy sex scenes. I would gag and say, "Whatever, that is so fake as if!" OMG, when it does happen you are blown away. I can't begin to describe the feelings I experienced, but they are addictive and wonderful. Sad when I think that many people don't experience any of this in a lifetime. The question is will I find the same thing again? Is it a once in a life time thing that I should be grateful I experienced and now take whatever I can get? No two people are the same nor do they fit together physically the same way so one shouldn't compare, but it's so hard not to. How do you go from mind blowing sex to just ok? When you're accustomed to something a certain way, it's hard to accept anything less. Change is difficult and in some cases, impossible.
There are some amazing people out there, but at what point do our expectations become unrealistic and/or unattainable? Is it fair to the other person?
I'll ask the question again, what does it mean to "settle" when we're talking about relationships? Let's check out some definitions I found online:
1. Settling - accepting significantly less than you want, because you don't think you can get what you want. (Quora)
2. Settle - the act of giving up someone you love or something of value for less than desired, the act of not being able to satisfy your need or want and choosing someone or something of lower standard or value. (Urban dictionary)
3. Settling - being in a relationship with someone that you know deep down you won't always be happy with. (eNotalone)
4. Settling - staying with someone that you are not into or not in love with, just for the sake of being with someone. (eNotalone)
There are so many factors that can impact whether or not a person settles.
1. Fear of being alone
- I know many people that just can't be alone so they'll stay with whomever, just so that they are not alone.
2. Finances
- There are other out there that stay with someone simply for the money. They pay the bills and afford them a lifestyle they wouldn't otherwise be able to afford.
3. Convenience
- You fall into a routine and it works. It's not bad and it's not great, but it could be far worse so why not? Both parties are content.
4. Obligation/Devotion
- Growing up my parents drilled into us that, "When you make your bed, you sleep in it. Marriage is forever." All fine and well in a perfect world, but what happens if your spouse dies? What if they beat the crap out of you or cheat, do you have to stay? Should you be alone for the rest of your life? Seems like a person is punished for circumstances beyond their control.
5. Religion
- Much like my parents, the Catholic religion teaches us that marriage is forever. Divorce is a sin. Once again it doesn't address what a widow(er) should do. If you would have asked my Grandmother, she'd say you never look at another man. She was widowed at 29 and left with 4 young children. She wore black until the day she died at the age of 100 and never even contemplated re-marrying. She struggled financially and with medical issues, but the thought of remarrying never crossed her mind.
6. Age
- I would imagine the older you are, the less picky you are? Not sure I'm 100% sold on this as I find with age I get pickier and refuse to compromise! Lol As I look at my older relatives that have been widowed, things like sex, money, material wealth and jet setting around the world are not important. Most are content on their own or simply want companionship, someone to talk to, go for walks with, etc. Their needs have changed.
7. You believe you can change him/her
- A person will only change if they want to. You can't force a person to be someone or something they are not. Some will stay together believing that eventually they will change their partner and mold them into their idea of perfect.
8. Low self-esteem
- You believe you don't deserve any better so you'll stay with whomever will have you.
It's complicated. To me it is inconceivable to settle, I'd rather be alone than pretend to be happy. I have to be honest with myself and with the person I'm with. Perhaps one day I'll solve this complex conundrum. For now I have to trust that life is as it should be and see what the future brings.
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 9 July 2017
Speed Dating - Round 2
After my terrible first experience with speed dating, it took months for my girlfriend to convince me to try again. She was extremely persistent and eventually convinced me. My other girlfriend said she couldn't wait to babysit again an get a play by play on my eclectic adventures. When it comes to life in general, I always say you should try everything twice before deciding whether or not you like it. Time to take some of my own advice.
They chose a different venue for this event. It was brighter and more modern looking in the pictures. My girlfriend and I met in the market after work. We thought we'd grab a quick bite and a coffee then head over to the event. Just as we finished eating, she developed a bad headache. I pumped her with Advil, but she started feeling sick and had to leave. I was going to drive her, but she insisted I stay and participate. Besides I had already paid and it would throw the event off if two women were missing.
I walked over and signed in. I let the organizers know that my girlfriend had to leave as she was sick. There were a few people there already. The women were all well dressed, it was obvious most of us had come straight from work. We mingled for a bit. As I looked around the room, I was very disappointed with how the men looked. Here we are at a speed dating event that is supposed to be for "young professionals" and two of the guys are dressed in Hawaiian shirts unbuttoned to their waist. Really? I wasn't getting a good vibe.
The venue was nice, but then they lead us downstairs to an open room. It wasn't decorated, just a large open space. Eventually this would probably be an event space for private parties, but it wasn't finished. The tables were set up and we waited for the green light to start. Ok the ladies were seated and ready to go.
Date #1 - Mr. Permanent Vacation
Turns out he was one of the guys wearing a Hawaiian shirt. The age range for this event was supposed to be 35-45. There's no way this guy was 45.
Him: "Hello beautiful."
Me: "Hi there."
Him: "How are you tonight."
Me: "Good thanks, and you?"
Him: "Great! Why don't you ask the first question."
Me: "How old are you?"
Him: "I'm 53, but I feel 35!"
Me: "What do you do for a living?"
Him: "I haven't worked for a bit, just enjoying myself and taking it easy."
Me: "What were you doing?"
Him: "You know, odd jobs here and there."
The bell rang, thank goodness!
Date #2 - Mr. Finding Himself
Another one in a Hawaiian shirt. Was there a sale somewhere and these guys all happened to be at the same place?
Him: "Hey!"
Me: "Hello."
Him: "How's it goin?"
Me: "Good, you?"
Him: "Good, do you know if they're serving food here?"
Me: "I don't think so."
Him: "I'm hungry, didn't eat."
Me: "Did you come straight from work?"
Him: "No, I'm between jobs."
Me: "How long have you been off work? Did you get laid off?"
Him: "It didn't work out, just not what I wanted to do. Been off work for a few months finding myself."
...I was done. The guys at this event were supposed to be young professionals that have limited time to date. Wow, two in a row unemployed. This was not looking very promising. I don't have patience for dishonesty, not to mention the first guy was too old to be at this event.
Date #3 - Mr. Artist
He looked like a slob. There was no effort to look good, even wore flip flops. The event dress code was business casual. Obviously these guys are not professionals and have no clue how to dress.
Me: "Hi there."
Him: "Yo, what's up?"
Yo? I was beyond done at this point and struggled to be somewhat gracious. It was very, very hard. My girlfriend owed me big time for this!
Me: "What do you do for a living?"
Him: "I'm an artist. I'm trying to sell some of my work."
Me: "So you don't have a job."
Him: "I express myself through art. One day it will pay off."
Sure and maybe I'll win the lottery.
The rest of the night I was totally clued out and could not be bothered. Didn't even use any of my questions. The next several guys were all pretty much the same. Not working, enjoying life, taking it easy, way too old and totally didn't know how to dress. Half way through the event the organizers gave us a 15 minute break. All the women raced to the bathroom. We were all pissed and felt exactly the same way about these guys. A few of us went to complain to the organizers. This was not what we had signed up for. The MC said they were short on men and had to bring in a few from another category to fill the event. A few? What category - unemployed and desperate? So far not one of them was employed and this was one of the requirements to sign up for this event.
Back to the tables we went. I let the guys do all the talking. Got another one that was in his fifties and thought he was God's gift to women. I couldn't hold back.
Date #5 - Mr. Gigolo
Me: "So you're basically looking for a sugar momma?"
Him: "You are funny, love the sense of humour."
I wasn't joking. His shirt was unbuttoned to his belly button, he had several gold chains and walked around strutting like a turkey. He was much older with a beer belly and balding with a terrible fake and bake tan.
I didn't even meet with the organizers when it was done, I was out of there. Most of the women stayed behind to complain and demand a refund. I wrote a scathing email when I got home. What a waste of time and money. I was not pleased.
When I told my girlfriend how it went the next day, she was shocked. This was supposed to be one of the more reputable groups that organized speed dating events. They most definitely did not deliver. The participants on the men's side did not meet the criteria set out. Not one of them was employed or a professional, not to mention most they fell outside the required age range.
The organizer called to talk to me. She apologized and said that some people lie and it's difficult to verify information. I told her I didn't believe her. I can see there being maybe one or two people that don't meet the criteria, but she was very familiar with the participants as she also ran singles events along with a matchmaking service. She would have known many were far older. I don't appreciated feeling ripped off and having my time wasted. If they didn't have a sufficient number of participants, reschedule the event. Misleading people is wrong. I had to get a babysitter on top of paying for the event and parking. I wanted a refund. She said they couldn't give refunds, but I'd get a 50% discount on the next event. Yeah sure, like I'd sign up for another one.
Weeks later the organizer called back and insisted I participate at the next event. She would not charge me given the bad experience I had at the last event. She assured me this event would be better and everyone was appropriately screened and met all the categories. In actual fact, I learned later she was short on women and was desperate as they didn't want to have to cancel the event.
I told her I'd think about it. To date, my experiences with speed dating were not positive. I wasn't sure I wanted to waste any more time or money on this kind of an event.
Life goes on and there was online dating.
Dateless in Ottawa
They chose a different venue for this event. It was brighter and more modern looking in the pictures. My girlfriend and I met in the market after work. We thought we'd grab a quick bite and a coffee then head over to the event. Just as we finished eating, she developed a bad headache. I pumped her with Advil, but she started feeling sick and had to leave. I was going to drive her, but she insisted I stay and participate. Besides I had already paid and it would throw the event off if two women were missing.
I walked over and signed in. I let the organizers know that my girlfriend had to leave as she was sick. There were a few people there already. The women were all well dressed, it was obvious most of us had come straight from work. We mingled for a bit. As I looked around the room, I was very disappointed with how the men looked. Here we are at a speed dating event that is supposed to be for "young professionals" and two of the guys are dressed in Hawaiian shirts unbuttoned to their waist. Really? I wasn't getting a good vibe.
The venue was nice, but then they lead us downstairs to an open room. It wasn't decorated, just a large open space. Eventually this would probably be an event space for private parties, but it wasn't finished. The tables were set up and we waited for the green light to start. Ok the ladies were seated and ready to go.
Date #1 - Mr. Permanent Vacation
Turns out he was one of the guys wearing a Hawaiian shirt. The age range for this event was supposed to be 35-45. There's no way this guy was 45.
Him: "Hello beautiful."
Me: "Hi there."
Him: "How are you tonight."
Me: "Good thanks, and you?"
Him: "Great! Why don't you ask the first question."
Me: "How old are you?"
Him: "I'm 53, but I feel 35!"
Me: "What do you do for a living?"
Him: "I haven't worked for a bit, just enjoying myself and taking it easy."
Me: "What were you doing?"
Him: "You know, odd jobs here and there."
The bell rang, thank goodness!
Date #2 - Mr. Finding Himself
Another one in a Hawaiian shirt. Was there a sale somewhere and these guys all happened to be at the same place?
Him: "Hey!"
Me: "Hello."
Him: "How's it goin?"
Me: "Good, you?"
Him: "Good, do you know if they're serving food here?"
Me: "I don't think so."
Him: "I'm hungry, didn't eat."
Me: "Did you come straight from work?"
Him: "No, I'm between jobs."
Me: "How long have you been off work? Did you get laid off?"
Him: "It didn't work out, just not what I wanted to do. Been off work for a few months finding myself."
...I was done. The guys at this event were supposed to be young professionals that have limited time to date. Wow, two in a row unemployed. This was not looking very promising. I don't have patience for dishonesty, not to mention the first guy was too old to be at this event.
Date #3 - Mr. Artist
He looked like a slob. There was no effort to look good, even wore flip flops. The event dress code was business casual. Obviously these guys are not professionals and have no clue how to dress.
Me: "Hi there."
Him: "Yo, what's up?"
Yo? I was beyond done at this point and struggled to be somewhat gracious. It was very, very hard. My girlfriend owed me big time for this!
Me: "What do you do for a living?"
Him: "I'm an artist. I'm trying to sell some of my work."
Me: "So you don't have a job."
Him: "I express myself through art. One day it will pay off."
Sure and maybe I'll win the lottery.
The rest of the night I was totally clued out and could not be bothered. Didn't even use any of my questions. The next several guys were all pretty much the same. Not working, enjoying life, taking it easy, way too old and totally didn't know how to dress. Half way through the event the organizers gave us a 15 minute break. All the women raced to the bathroom. We were all pissed and felt exactly the same way about these guys. A few of us went to complain to the organizers. This was not what we had signed up for. The MC said they were short on men and had to bring in a few from another category to fill the event. A few? What category - unemployed and desperate? So far not one of them was employed and this was one of the requirements to sign up for this event.
Back to the tables we went. I let the guys do all the talking. Got another one that was in his fifties and thought he was God's gift to women. I couldn't hold back.
Date #5 - Mr. Gigolo
Me: "So you're basically looking for a sugar momma?"
Him: "You are funny, love the sense of humour."
I wasn't joking. His shirt was unbuttoned to his belly button, he had several gold chains and walked around strutting like a turkey. He was much older with a beer belly and balding with a terrible fake and bake tan.
I didn't even meet with the organizers when it was done, I was out of there. Most of the women stayed behind to complain and demand a refund. I wrote a scathing email when I got home. What a waste of time and money. I was not pleased.
When I told my girlfriend how it went the next day, she was shocked. This was supposed to be one of the more reputable groups that organized speed dating events. They most definitely did not deliver. The participants on the men's side did not meet the criteria set out. Not one of them was employed or a professional, not to mention most they fell outside the required age range.
The organizer called to talk to me. She apologized and said that some people lie and it's difficult to verify information. I told her I didn't believe her. I can see there being maybe one or two people that don't meet the criteria, but she was very familiar with the participants as she also ran singles events along with a matchmaking service. She would have known many were far older. I don't appreciated feeling ripped off and having my time wasted. If they didn't have a sufficient number of participants, reschedule the event. Misleading people is wrong. I had to get a babysitter on top of paying for the event and parking. I wanted a refund. She said they couldn't give refunds, but I'd get a 50% discount on the next event. Yeah sure, like I'd sign up for another one.
Weeks later the organizer called back and insisted I participate at the next event. She would not charge me given the bad experience I had at the last event. She assured me this event would be better and everyone was appropriately screened and met all the categories. In actual fact, I learned later she was short on women and was desperate as they didn't want to have to cancel the event.
I told her I'd think about it. To date, my experiences with speed dating were not positive. I wasn't sure I wanted to waste any more time or money on this kind of an event.
Life goes on and there was online dating.
Dateless in Ottawa
Thursday 6 July 2017
Speed dating stories to inject some humour
Since I'm currently not dating, I thought it would be fun to include some stories from my adventures with speed dating.
Typically, I'm shy and keep to myself. I'm not overly outgoing, at least not in dating situations. Personally I like to be the observer and help my friends find their significant others. At work I'm completely different, it's all about networking because there's no pressure. Growing up I was always the wall flower. I had more guy than girl friends, but when it came to dating I found it awkward and wasn't interested. Online dating is a bit easier because it starts with emailing, you slowly move to talking on the phone and then if you feel comfortable, you eventually meet. With speed dating one minute you're sitting alone, the next there's a stranger sitting across from you. Kinda hard to hide! Lol
My girlfriend had tried speed dating previously and said it was fun. She's a social butterfly. After watching the movie "Hitched" I thought why not? I had heard about it, but didn't really pay much attention. She said it would compliment the online dating and provide more options. At the same time it would force me to get out more. Eventually she convinced me to go with her. No matter what we do, we always have fun so I had nothing to lose. Plus, strength in numbers helps! Lol
She signed us up for an event. I didn't know there were people who organize these events and go to great lengths to ensure the participants have common interests. This particular group was well known and held speed dating events at trendy venues based on age, profession and personal interests. I was impressed and thought, "Wow, this might turn out to be better than online dating." You had to create a profile and write a bit about yourself; what you do for a living, personal interests, qualities you are seeking in a mate, etc. It seemed well organized and I liked their choice of venue, The William Street Café. We often went there for coffee on the weekends, sadly it no longer exists.
A few days before the event, the organizers emailed us information explaining how it worked along with a list of suggested questions you could ask your dates. These were simply to give you some ideas, but you were welcome to come up with your own questions. You would have 7 dates lasting 7 minutes each. They did their best to ensure there was always an equal number of men and women.
Ok, I must disgress for a moment. Here I am typing this post while watching "Love Connection". I was flipping through the channels and came across it. I think it's new, a remake from the 80's version. So get this, after only one date the guy proposes to the girl and she accepts? Is this for real? My goodness I guess love at first site does exist. Ok, back to my post.
So another friend came over to babysit and I showed her the list of questions:
What do you do for a living?
Do you have any hobbies?
How old are you?
blah, blah, blah....the usual standard questions. These were too boring for me. I had to come up with my own questions. I need a guy that can think on his feet, laugh and at the same time challenge me. I was very pleased with my questions and excited to try them out. Off I went.
The Café was closed to the general public for the event. We each got a drink, perfect to take the edge off if you're nervous and they served some appetizers. The women were seated at the tables, the men would rotate when the bell rang. I went to my table and waited for the event to start.
Date #1 - Mr. Lava Life
The first gentleman sits down and I immediately recognize him. He had been emailing me on LavaLife and I wasn't interested. I had told him I was already seeing someone.
Him: "I thought you said you were seeing someone."
Me: "I was, but it didn't work out."
Him: "Sure."
Me: "I guess you haven't met anyone. Have you done speed dating before?"
Him: "No, first time."
...the conversation went down hill from there. Thank goodness the bell rang.
Date #2 - Mr. Tantrum
Fresh blood and I could ask my questions, I was excited. He didn't look my type. Way too skinny for my taste, but I'd keep an open mind.
Me: "If you were a fruit, which one would you be and why?"
The colour drained from his face and he became visibly upset. I was caught off guard.
Him: "That's not one of the questions. You have to use the questions they gave us."
He stood up and had a tantrum. He was yelling, "She asked me a question that wasn't on the list, she can't do that".
The organizer ran over while everyone just stopped talking. All eyes were on us. This was not good.
Organizer: "What's the problem sir?"
Him: "She asked me a question that's not on the list, she can't do that!"
Organizer: "Sir those were suggested questions, you can ask whatever you want."
Him: "No, that wasn't one of the questions on the list."
Organizer: "That's ok, you can make up your own questions or use the ones we sent you."
Him: "But she didn't ask me a question from the list."
...She got no where with him. Thankfully the bell rang. NEXT!!!! This guy was so not for me. I could see my girlfriend laughing her head off in the back corner. Glad someone was amused.
Date #3 - Mr. Humour
Now I was at a total loss. Do I use my questions or not? Oh, to hell with it. I march to the beat of my own drum. If these guys don't like my questions, then they're not for me!
Him: "Hi, I'm -------, nice to meet you. I'll let you ask the first question."
Me: "Ok, if you were a fruit, which one would you be and why?"
There was a moment of silence, I braced myself.
Him: "Grapes because they're sweet! You are hilarious, I didn't expect that. Can I ask you what happened with the first guy?"
Me: "Yeah, he didn't like my question. He said I could only ask questions on the list."
Him: "Are you serious? OMG, that's too funny."
We chatted, mostly about Date #1. He was nice, but not my type.
Date #4 - Mr. Miserable
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again! This guy looked way too serious from the moment he sat down. He also looked way older than he should have been for this event, but whatever.
Him: "Hello."
Me: "Hi, nice to meet you."
Him: "Ladies first."
Me: "If you were a fruit, which one would you be and why?"
If looks could kill, I'd be dead. He was so not impressed.
Him: "That's your question?"
Me: "Yes, I like to be different. Life is too serious, I like to laugh."
We didn't have much to talk about. This was not going well at all. I looked over at my girlfriend and she was having a blast. It was obvious she was talking about me. Next!
Date #5 - Mr. Former Boss
OMG, I almost died. This was not happening. As he was walking towards me I couldn't believe my eyes. He was one of my former bosses. One I hadn't really gotten along with.
Him: "Hi there, how are you?"
Me: "Good, how are you?"
Him: "Good thanks. Actually, I saw your profile on LavaLife. I've been meaning to write. I've been watching you."
Me: "Really? I didn't notice."
Him: "I don't have a profile picture up. I like to be discreet. How long have you been single? How are the kids?"
He knew exactly how long I'd been single as he knew my ex.
Me: "It's been over a year and the kids are good thanks. How are yours?"
Him: "The kids are good. Life goes on. You really upset the first guy, what happened?"
Me: "He didn't like my questions."
Him: "Wow, that was quite the scene."
Me: "Yup, I guess I have that effect on people."
Him: "What did you ask him?"
Me: "If you were a fruit, which one would you be and why?"
Him: "OMG, that is hilarious."
...and the bell rang, next!!!!!
The rest of the night was a blur. I let the last 2 guys ask all the questions. I just wanted to leave. Mr. Former Boss stared at me the rest of the night. At the end you meet with the organizers to rate your dates and let them know which ones you'd like them to share your contact information with.
Organizer: "How did you enjoy the event."
Me: "It was ok, definitely interesting. I'm really sorry about the scene with the first guy."
Organizer: "No worries, it happens. So, who would you like to see again? I have 2 guys that want to see you again. One of them is actually waiting for you outside."
Me: "No, I didn't find a match. There's no one I'd like to see again."
Organizer: "Really? Oh come on, let me share your info. The one guys is really interested and insisted."
Me: "My former boss? I don't think so. I know exactly who you mean and I still indirectly report to him so there's no way. Can you please ask him to leave?"
Organizer: "Oh my, that's awkward. Ok, why don't you think about it and you can call me tomorrow if you change your mind."
Me: "Sure, thank you."
What a night! My girlfriend and I went for a drink afterwards, I needed one badly. OMG, that was too much. She laughed so hard I thought she was going to pee herself. Looking back I can laugh now, but that totally scarred me. When I got home and told my other girlfriend what happened, she roared with laughter. "These things only happen to you, damn I wish I could've been a fly on the wall to watch it live." Oh well, I tried. Speed dating is definitely an interesting way to meet people, but you just never know how they will react. I say pick your own questions to make it more exciting and brace yourself!
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Typically, I'm shy and keep to myself. I'm not overly outgoing, at least not in dating situations. Personally I like to be the observer and help my friends find their significant others. At work I'm completely different, it's all about networking because there's no pressure. Growing up I was always the wall flower. I had more guy than girl friends, but when it came to dating I found it awkward and wasn't interested. Online dating is a bit easier because it starts with emailing, you slowly move to talking on the phone and then if you feel comfortable, you eventually meet. With speed dating one minute you're sitting alone, the next there's a stranger sitting across from you. Kinda hard to hide! Lol
My girlfriend had tried speed dating previously and said it was fun. She's a social butterfly. After watching the movie "Hitched" I thought why not? I had heard about it, but didn't really pay much attention. She said it would compliment the online dating and provide more options. At the same time it would force me to get out more. Eventually she convinced me to go with her. No matter what we do, we always have fun so I had nothing to lose. Plus, strength in numbers helps! Lol
She signed us up for an event. I didn't know there were people who organize these events and go to great lengths to ensure the participants have common interests. This particular group was well known and held speed dating events at trendy venues based on age, profession and personal interests. I was impressed and thought, "Wow, this might turn out to be better than online dating." You had to create a profile and write a bit about yourself; what you do for a living, personal interests, qualities you are seeking in a mate, etc. It seemed well organized and I liked their choice of venue, The William Street Café. We often went there for coffee on the weekends, sadly it no longer exists.
A few days before the event, the organizers emailed us information explaining how it worked along with a list of suggested questions you could ask your dates. These were simply to give you some ideas, but you were welcome to come up with your own questions. You would have 7 dates lasting 7 minutes each. They did their best to ensure there was always an equal number of men and women.
Ok, I must disgress for a moment. Here I am typing this post while watching "Love Connection". I was flipping through the channels and came across it. I think it's new, a remake from the 80's version. So get this, after only one date the guy proposes to the girl and she accepts? Is this for real? My goodness I guess love at first site does exist. Ok, back to my post.
So another friend came over to babysit and I showed her the list of questions:
What do you do for a living?
Do you have any hobbies?
How old are you?
blah, blah, blah....the usual standard questions. These were too boring for me. I had to come up with my own questions. I need a guy that can think on his feet, laugh and at the same time challenge me. I was very pleased with my questions and excited to try them out. Off I went.
The Café was closed to the general public for the event. We each got a drink, perfect to take the edge off if you're nervous and they served some appetizers. The women were seated at the tables, the men would rotate when the bell rang. I went to my table and waited for the event to start.
Date #1 - Mr. Lava Life
The first gentleman sits down and I immediately recognize him. He had been emailing me on LavaLife and I wasn't interested. I had told him I was already seeing someone.
Him: "I thought you said you were seeing someone."
Me: "I was, but it didn't work out."
Him: "Sure."
Me: "I guess you haven't met anyone. Have you done speed dating before?"
Him: "No, first time."
...the conversation went down hill from there. Thank goodness the bell rang.
Date #2 - Mr. Tantrum
Fresh blood and I could ask my questions, I was excited. He didn't look my type. Way too skinny for my taste, but I'd keep an open mind.
Me: "If you were a fruit, which one would you be and why?"
The colour drained from his face and he became visibly upset. I was caught off guard.
Him: "That's not one of the questions. You have to use the questions they gave us."
He stood up and had a tantrum. He was yelling, "She asked me a question that wasn't on the list, she can't do that".
The organizer ran over while everyone just stopped talking. All eyes were on us. This was not good.
Organizer: "What's the problem sir?"
Him: "She asked me a question that's not on the list, she can't do that!"
Organizer: "Sir those were suggested questions, you can ask whatever you want."
Him: "No, that wasn't one of the questions on the list."
Organizer: "That's ok, you can make up your own questions or use the ones we sent you."
Him: "But she didn't ask me a question from the list."
...She got no where with him. Thankfully the bell rang. NEXT!!!! This guy was so not for me. I could see my girlfriend laughing her head off in the back corner. Glad someone was amused.
Date #3 - Mr. Humour
Now I was at a total loss. Do I use my questions or not? Oh, to hell with it. I march to the beat of my own drum. If these guys don't like my questions, then they're not for me!
Him: "Hi, I'm -------, nice to meet you. I'll let you ask the first question."
Me: "Ok, if you were a fruit, which one would you be and why?"
There was a moment of silence, I braced myself.
Him: "Grapes because they're sweet! You are hilarious, I didn't expect that. Can I ask you what happened with the first guy?"
Me: "Yeah, he didn't like my question. He said I could only ask questions on the list."
Him: "Are you serious? OMG, that's too funny."
We chatted, mostly about Date #1. He was nice, but not my type.
Date #4 - Mr. Miserable
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again! This guy looked way too serious from the moment he sat down. He also looked way older than he should have been for this event, but whatever.
Him: "Hello."
Me: "Hi, nice to meet you."
Him: "Ladies first."
Me: "If you were a fruit, which one would you be and why?"
If looks could kill, I'd be dead. He was so not impressed.
Him: "That's your question?"
Me: "Yes, I like to be different. Life is too serious, I like to laugh."
We didn't have much to talk about. This was not going well at all. I looked over at my girlfriend and she was having a blast. It was obvious she was talking about me. Next!
Date #5 - Mr. Former Boss
OMG, I almost died. This was not happening. As he was walking towards me I couldn't believe my eyes. He was one of my former bosses. One I hadn't really gotten along with.
Him: "Hi there, how are you?"
Me: "Good, how are you?"
Him: "Good thanks. Actually, I saw your profile on LavaLife. I've been meaning to write. I've been watching you."
Me: "Really? I didn't notice."
Him: "I don't have a profile picture up. I like to be discreet. How long have you been single? How are the kids?"
He knew exactly how long I'd been single as he knew my ex.
Me: "It's been over a year and the kids are good thanks. How are yours?"
Him: "The kids are good. Life goes on. You really upset the first guy, what happened?"
Me: "He didn't like my questions."
Him: "Wow, that was quite the scene."
Me: "Yup, I guess I have that effect on people."
Him: "What did you ask him?"
Me: "If you were a fruit, which one would you be and why?"
Him: "OMG, that is hilarious."
...and the bell rang, next!!!!!
The rest of the night was a blur. I let the last 2 guys ask all the questions. I just wanted to leave. Mr. Former Boss stared at me the rest of the night. At the end you meet with the organizers to rate your dates and let them know which ones you'd like them to share your contact information with.
Organizer: "How did you enjoy the event."
Me: "It was ok, definitely interesting. I'm really sorry about the scene with the first guy."
Organizer: "No worries, it happens. So, who would you like to see again? I have 2 guys that want to see you again. One of them is actually waiting for you outside."
Me: "No, I didn't find a match. There's no one I'd like to see again."
Organizer: "Really? Oh come on, let me share your info. The one guys is really interested and insisted."
Me: "My former boss? I don't think so. I know exactly who you mean and I still indirectly report to him so there's no way. Can you please ask him to leave?"
Organizer: "Oh my, that's awkward. Ok, why don't you think about it and you can call me tomorrow if you change your mind."
Me: "Sure, thank you."
What a night! My girlfriend and I went for a drink afterwards, I needed one badly. OMG, that was too much. She laughed so hard I thought she was going to pee herself. Looking back I can laugh now, but that totally scarred me. When I got home and told my other girlfriend what happened, she roared with laughter. "These things only happen to you, damn I wish I could've been a fly on the wall to watch it live." Oh well, I tried. Speed dating is definitely an interesting way to meet people, but you just never know how they will react. I say pick your own questions to make it more exciting and brace yourself!
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 25 June 2017
Living Vicariously through Friends that are using Online Dating
Several of my friends have ventured into the murky waters of online dating so I get to sit back and listen to their stories. Why go online when I can live vicariously through them?
I took a girlfriend out for lunch to celebrate her birthday and she confessed she went back online. She'd been in a relationship for over a year and sadly it came to an abrupt end just days before her birthday. I could sympathize, something similar happened to me years ago with the guy calling me the morning of my birthday party to tell me he'd cheated and it was over. Made for a great party with all of his friends there. It was aweful, we fought the entire night. He couldn't back out of the party since his friends were coming and it was too late to cancel. We tried to play good hosts, but failed miserably. Next time I'll just cancel and tell everyone why.
Anyways. I asked her how things were going with the online dating.
Me: "So, have you had any dates? How's it going?"
Her: "OMG, after about a week I had to hide my profile. I'm not sure I can do this. First of all it's all the same guys that have been on there for years and then there's all the creeps."
Me: "I'll be you have some good stories already."
Her: "Ha, ha, where do I start? This one guy asked me out for pizza. He was emailing on and off then texting and we finally picked a day. He was supposed to pick me up. About an hour before he was supposed to come and get me he texts."
Him: "So, do I bring my overnight bag?"
Me: "Are you kidding me? How old is this guy? Your first date and this is what he asks you?"
Her: "I know right? I wrote back, "No, absolutely not." Well he didn't show up, then 2 hours later he texts to tell me I can meet up with him at the bar he's at if I feel like it. Ok buddy, I'll be right there. NOT!"
Me: "Have you had any unusual dates?"
Her: "Get a hold of this one. I met a guy at IKEA."
Me: "IKEA? Ok, A+ for originality I suppose."
Her: "Yeah, hold on. So he wanted to meet for wine and suggests IKEA. I thought really, they don't sell wine at IKEA? He insisted they did and it would be fun. Whatever, I could do some shopping while I was there. So we met and it was awkward. We go to the restaurant to get some wine and surprise, surprise, they don't sell wine. Oh well, I had a beer instead and you're not going to believe what he got."
Me: "A beer too, obviously."
Her: "No, chocolate milk."
Me: "What? Are you kidding?"
Her: "I wish, but wait it gets better. So we're sitting on a couch trying to make small talk, but it was painfully obvious we had nothing in common. He was a teacher and his hobby is being a busker that juggles on stilts. I tried to be polite, but it was really weird with people walking by and others wanting to check out the tag on the couch."
Me: "Tag on the couch? Were you not sitting in the restaurant? I don't remember couches in the restaurant."
Her: "Oh no, he didn't want to sit in the restaurant. He thought it would be way more fun to sit in a show room."
Me: "What? OMG!" At this point I could not contain my laugher. I can just picture her sitting there on a show room couch with some guy sipping away on his little carton of chocolate milk having to move over every time someone needed to see the product tag.
Her: "Yeah, so that's how well it's going. Remember the psycho from 3 years ago?"
Me: "Oh no, not him?" This guy was stalking her, showing up at her house and work. It was really bad and he kept it up even when she was with her boyfriend who finally had to intervene and threaten to call the police and get a restraining order.
Her: "Oh yes, the one and only. I told him I wasn't interested and he is not to contact me again."
Me: "No wonder you've hidden your profile. Be careful with that one."
Wow, some things never change. Another girlfriend also decided to try it out and after receiving numerous messages soliciting sex, she deleted her profile. Oh well, I'll just offer an ear or a shoulder to cry on while listening to their stories. Can't wait for our next girl's night to hear more about their adventures in online dating.
Take care!
Dateless in Ottawa
I took a girlfriend out for lunch to celebrate her birthday and she confessed she went back online. She'd been in a relationship for over a year and sadly it came to an abrupt end just days before her birthday. I could sympathize, something similar happened to me years ago with the guy calling me the morning of my birthday party to tell me he'd cheated and it was over. Made for a great party with all of his friends there. It was aweful, we fought the entire night. He couldn't back out of the party since his friends were coming and it was too late to cancel. We tried to play good hosts, but failed miserably. Next time I'll just cancel and tell everyone why.
Anyways. I asked her how things were going with the online dating.
Me: "So, have you had any dates? How's it going?"
Her: "OMG, after about a week I had to hide my profile. I'm not sure I can do this. First of all it's all the same guys that have been on there for years and then there's all the creeps."
Me: "I'll be you have some good stories already."
Her: "Ha, ha, where do I start? This one guy asked me out for pizza. He was emailing on and off then texting and we finally picked a day. He was supposed to pick me up. About an hour before he was supposed to come and get me he texts."
Him: "So, do I bring my overnight bag?"
Me: "Are you kidding me? How old is this guy? Your first date and this is what he asks you?"
Her: "I know right? I wrote back, "No, absolutely not." Well he didn't show up, then 2 hours later he texts to tell me I can meet up with him at the bar he's at if I feel like it. Ok buddy, I'll be right there. NOT!"
Me: "Have you had any unusual dates?"
Her: "Get a hold of this one. I met a guy at IKEA."
Me: "IKEA? Ok, A+ for originality I suppose."
Her: "Yeah, hold on. So he wanted to meet for wine and suggests IKEA. I thought really, they don't sell wine at IKEA? He insisted they did and it would be fun. Whatever, I could do some shopping while I was there. So we met and it was awkward. We go to the restaurant to get some wine and surprise, surprise, they don't sell wine. Oh well, I had a beer instead and you're not going to believe what he got."
Me: "A beer too, obviously."
Her: "No, chocolate milk."
Me: "What? Are you kidding?"
Her: "I wish, but wait it gets better. So we're sitting on a couch trying to make small talk, but it was painfully obvious we had nothing in common. He was a teacher and his hobby is being a busker that juggles on stilts. I tried to be polite, but it was really weird with people walking by and others wanting to check out the tag on the couch."
Me: "Tag on the couch? Were you not sitting in the restaurant? I don't remember couches in the restaurant."
Her: "Oh no, he didn't want to sit in the restaurant. He thought it would be way more fun to sit in a show room."
Me: "What? OMG!" At this point I could not contain my laugher. I can just picture her sitting there on a show room couch with some guy sipping away on his little carton of chocolate milk having to move over every time someone needed to see the product tag.
Her: "Yeah, so that's how well it's going. Remember the psycho from 3 years ago?"
Me: "Oh no, not him?" This guy was stalking her, showing up at her house and work. It was really bad and he kept it up even when she was with her boyfriend who finally had to intervene and threaten to call the police and get a restraining order.
Her: "Oh yes, the one and only. I told him I wasn't interested and he is not to contact me again."
Me: "No wonder you've hidden your profile. Be careful with that one."
Wow, some things never change. Another girlfriend also decided to try it out and after receiving numerous messages soliciting sex, she deleted her profile. Oh well, I'll just offer an ear or a shoulder to cry on while listening to their stories. Can't wait for our next girl's night to hear more about their adventures in online dating.
Take care!
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday 17 May 2017
Dating - Hands and Feet matter
Hands are one of the first things I notice when I meet someone. They come in all shapes, sizes and colours. Long fingers, short fingers, very warm and strong, cold, gentle and soft. Some have jewellery, or tattoos, perhaps a watch there are countless variations. Feet are usually more hidden, but sooner or later they make an appearance. One thing I'd like to point out, you don't wear socks with sandals or nylons with open toed shoes. Major fashion faux pas. Sorry, had to get that off my chest! Lol
Hands can tell you a bit about a person. Their appearance and how they feel can give you an idea or hint about the kind of work they do for a living.
1. If they are blackened and greasy looking, perhaps they're a mechanic?
2. If they feel rough and there's dirt under the nails you know they definitely work with their hands. Maybe construction or a trade.
3. If they are smooth and clean, they probably have a white collar job and work in an office or they might be a bit metrosexual and go out of their way to make sure they look good! Lol
The appearance of a person's hands can also reflect on the person's level of hygiene. Dirty and unkept looking hands are not very appealing. The first thought that comes to my mind is, "He ain't touching me with those hands."
When a guy works in a trade or as a mechanic, I get it your hands get dirty, but there are products out there to clean them. Even something as simple as keeping your nails trimmed makes a huge difference. When nails are too long, dirt accumulates underneath them and all you see is a thick black line. Long and jagged nails don't look good either and can do a lot of damage, if you know what I mean. Feel free to ask for clarification, although it should be very obvious.
Keep in mind that your butt is cleaner than your hands to begin with. Hands touch all kinds of things on a regular basis putting them in contact with a multitude of germs and bacteria. When you don't wash them or remove the dirt from underneath your finger nails, you make it far worse and encourage bacteria to thrive.
I know I'm super anal and wash my hands any chance I get. All my friends laugh at me because I have wipes in my purse at all times. This dates back to when I started babysitting my best friend's baby. When I had my children, I always insisted people wash their hands before touching them. I can't stand it when my hands are dirty. Being an esthetician, I think back to my courses. The importance of nail hygiene to prevent fungal infections was hammered into us by our teacher. It's incredible how dirty our hands are. People think using hand sanitizer is the solution, but unless it has a minimum alcohol content of 70%, there's no point. Better than nothing I suppose, but good old fashioned soap and water is the best thing to use.
It really irks me when a guy touches my face after he's just finished eating with his hands or he was handling his car keys or money. My skin crawls. By the way, if you just finished a cigar, please go wash your hands although that smell lingers for days. Having sensitive skin, it doesn't take much to cause a breakout or rash. Please wash your hands before you touch me! It's amazing how many people don't realize or think. Common sense goes a long way.
Nail biters are annoying too, but I have to keep in mind that I used to bite my nails so badly they'd bleed. Nothing worse than trying to have a conversation with someone that constantly has their fingers in their mouth! Not to mention how ugly their nails and hands look. Thankfully I managed to stop that terrible habit and then went on to become a hand model of all things! Best paying job I've ever had. I have what the modelling industry considers perfect hands.
Ladies, if you're going to go to the trouble of painting your nails, keep them looking good. Chipped or worn off polish looks terrible. If you're a nail biter, don't bother with polish. Last thing you need to do is ingest formaldehyde and other chemicals I can't spell or pronounce which are found in most nail polishes.
At the end of the day, take pride in your overall appearance. Don't you want the person you're with to be able to touch you and have it feel good? This applies to men and women. There's no excuse. Don't get me wrong, there are times when dirty can be lots of fun...perhaps playing with food, glow in the dark body paint, chocolate, whatever your flavour. You make do with what you have and let the creative juices flow.
Just like cold hand or feet, nothing worse than hands or feet that feel like sandpaper against your skin or nails cutting you. That happened to me once. We were in bed and his toe nails were really long. While play fighting one of the nails cut the side of my foot open. It totally spoiled the mood and made a mess. Unbelievable how much a cut on your foot can bleed! There's all kinds of products and creams to help with dry skin. Yes, this also applies to your feet and toe nails. Bacteria creates odours so keep them clean and well trimmed too! Once in a while the rough and unkept look can be sexy, but there's a limit. If you can't be bothered to do it yourself, treat yourself to a manicure and a pedicure. You'll love it. Ladies like I've said before, if you can find a guy that enjoys manicure/pedicure dates with you, he's a keeper!
Go wash your hands!
Dateless in Ottawa
Hands can tell you a bit about a person. Their appearance and how they feel can give you an idea or hint about the kind of work they do for a living.
1. If they are blackened and greasy looking, perhaps they're a mechanic?
2. If they feel rough and there's dirt under the nails you know they definitely work with their hands. Maybe construction or a trade.
3. If they are smooth and clean, they probably have a white collar job and work in an office or they might be a bit metrosexual and go out of their way to make sure they look good! Lol
The appearance of a person's hands can also reflect on the person's level of hygiene. Dirty and unkept looking hands are not very appealing. The first thought that comes to my mind is, "He ain't touching me with those hands."
When a guy works in a trade or as a mechanic, I get it your hands get dirty, but there are products out there to clean them. Even something as simple as keeping your nails trimmed makes a huge difference. When nails are too long, dirt accumulates underneath them and all you see is a thick black line. Long and jagged nails don't look good either and can do a lot of damage, if you know what I mean. Feel free to ask for clarification, although it should be very obvious.
Keep in mind that your butt is cleaner than your hands to begin with. Hands touch all kinds of things on a regular basis putting them in contact with a multitude of germs and bacteria. When you don't wash them or remove the dirt from underneath your finger nails, you make it far worse and encourage bacteria to thrive.
I know I'm super anal and wash my hands any chance I get. All my friends laugh at me because I have wipes in my purse at all times. This dates back to when I started babysitting my best friend's baby. When I had my children, I always insisted people wash their hands before touching them. I can't stand it when my hands are dirty. Being an esthetician, I think back to my courses. The importance of nail hygiene to prevent fungal infections was hammered into us by our teacher. It's incredible how dirty our hands are. People think using hand sanitizer is the solution, but unless it has a minimum alcohol content of 70%, there's no point. Better than nothing I suppose, but good old fashioned soap and water is the best thing to use.
It really irks me when a guy touches my face after he's just finished eating with his hands or he was handling his car keys or money. My skin crawls. By the way, if you just finished a cigar, please go wash your hands although that smell lingers for days. Having sensitive skin, it doesn't take much to cause a breakout or rash. Please wash your hands before you touch me! It's amazing how many people don't realize or think. Common sense goes a long way.
Nail biters are annoying too, but I have to keep in mind that I used to bite my nails so badly they'd bleed. Nothing worse than trying to have a conversation with someone that constantly has their fingers in their mouth! Not to mention how ugly their nails and hands look. Thankfully I managed to stop that terrible habit and then went on to become a hand model of all things! Best paying job I've ever had. I have what the modelling industry considers perfect hands.
Ladies, if you're going to go to the trouble of painting your nails, keep them looking good. Chipped or worn off polish looks terrible. If you're a nail biter, don't bother with polish. Last thing you need to do is ingest formaldehyde and other chemicals I can't spell or pronounce which are found in most nail polishes.
At the end of the day, take pride in your overall appearance. Don't you want the person you're with to be able to touch you and have it feel good? This applies to men and women. There's no excuse. Don't get me wrong, there are times when dirty can be lots of fun...perhaps playing with food, glow in the dark body paint, chocolate, whatever your flavour. You make do with what you have and let the creative juices flow.
Just like cold hand or feet, nothing worse than hands or feet that feel like sandpaper against your skin or nails cutting you. That happened to me once. We were in bed and his toe nails were really long. While play fighting one of the nails cut the side of my foot open. It totally spoiled the mood and made a mess. Unbelievable how much a cut on your foot can bleed! There's all kinds of products and creams to help with dry skin. Yes, this also applies to your feet and toe nails. Bacteria creates odours so keep them clean and well trimmed too! Once in a while the rough and unkept look can be sexy, but there's a limit. If you can't be bothered to do it yourself, treat yourself to a manicure and a pedicure. You'll love it. Ladies like I've said before, if you can find a guy that enjoys manicure/pedicure dates with you, he's a keeper!
Go wash your hands!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 14 May 2017
Strange Interactions - Updated
For those of you have used or are using online dating, you encounter all kinds of individuals. We get our share of strange emails and interactions. Remaining friends is a great option when I meet a guy who is nice, but we just don't have the chemistry to build a relationship. Online dating can result in a number of different types of relationships, friendship being one of them. It could be because we have a hobby or interest in common. Career wise networking is important and different people can have skills that can add to our lives or help with advancement. Alternatively if I can help someone, it makes me feel good.
Over the years I've stayed friends with some of the guys I've met. Having someone you can call when a question comes up in an area of their expertise is awesome. Car repairs is a perfect example! Construction, taxes and computers are others. Nice to have people around whose company you enjoy. Why eat alone or spend a weekend at home bored?
Let's back track to bachelor #40 - Mr. Navy. Due to his indecisiveness (amoung other things), he was definitely not for me, but I enjoyed our conversations and later on my son was able to shadow him at work for a school project. Not long after I ended things, he met someone else. They're still together. We stay in touch casually on Facebook and went to a movie before he met his new girlfriend. The odd time we'll run into each other through work. Last time he was with a client and he went on and on about how great I was. The poor client was trying to talk business and at a loss for words. I finally excused myself, but he made it a point to come and find me before he left.
One day out of the blue he texted. We chatted for a bit. He caught me off guard because it was 1:00 am and he's not a night owl. He started sending me the lyrics of his favourite Spanish song. It sounded like he was melancholy and lonely, might have even been drinking because he wasn't making any sense. All of a sudden in mid conversation he says, "Exactly one year ago today we were tanning in my backyard." I didn't know what to say. When you're in a relationship with someone else, why contact someone you dated previously to mention that? Nice thing to remember on your anniversary when you're with the same person, but it seemed out of place especially since we only dated for a couple of weeks.
He sent a message for my birthday. A while later when planning a group trip to Cuba, he emailed to ask if I was interested in joining. I couldn't go at that time, but thanked him for thinking of me. Then he said we should meet for drinks so he could brush up on his Spanish. I found it odd and decided to call it a night. He had a bad track record for making plans, so if he wanted to meet for drinks he could make the plans. He made it a point to remind me that he was still going out with the same person. I told him I was seeing someone too. I didn't hear from him again for a long while.
Just recently he started texting again late one night. He mentioned he was going to Cuba with his girlfriend in a few weeks. I wished him a good trip then he asked me if I'd like to go with them. This seemed really odd. A vacation would be awesome, but I don't think that would be a good idea. I appreciated the offer, but turned him down. Then he says, "This weather has been so unpredictable. Two years ago today you and I were taking in the sun in my backyard." Ok, so now he's been with this chick for close to 2 years and apparently it's serious. Why contact me to reminisce about a date that happened 2 years ago and ask me to join them on their trip? Sure, I'll be the third wheel....NOT! Very weird if you ask me. How would he introduce me? This is ------, we dated for a couple of weeks and tanned in my backyard 2 years ago. Not too awkward, I'm sure his girlfriend would be thrilled to have me along.
I guess I should be grateful, interactions like these make life more interesting. Maybe next time I'll say yes to joining them on a trip. Wouldn't that be interesting. If it ever happens, I'll write a post on my blog and fill you all in! Lol
P.S. Had to add more to this post. So, there's a work event coming up in a few weeks and Mr. Navy wrote to ask me if I'd be there cause he can't wait to see me. For the life of me, I'll never understand men.
P.P.S. He found me at the work event. It was busy and he tried to carry on a conversation in Spanish. I had to get back to work. We hadn't seen each other in about a year. As we age we change, some for the better others....I'll leave it at that.
Have fun and feel free to share some of your unusual stories.
Dateless in Ottawa
Over the years I've stayed friends with some of the guys I've met. Having someone you can call when a question comes up in an area of their expertise is awesome. Car repairs is a perfect example! Construction, taxes and computers are others. Nice to have people around whose company you enjoy. Why eat alone or spend a weekend at home bored?
Let's back track to bachelor #40 - Mr. Navy. Due to his indecisiveness (amoung other things), he was definitely not for me, but I enjoyed our conversations and later on my son was able to shadow him at work for a school project. Not long after I ended things, he met someone else. They're still together. We stay in touch casually on Facebook and went to a movie before he met his new girlfriend. The odd time we'll run into each other through work. Last time he was with a client and he went on and on about how great I was. The poor client was trying to talk business and at a loss for words. I finally excused myself, but he made it a point to come and find me before he left.
One day out of the blue he texted. We chatted for a bit. He caught me off guard because it was 1:00 am and he's not a night owl. He started sending me the lyrics of his favourite Spanish song. It sounded like he was melancholy and lonely, might have even been drinking because he wasn't making any sense. All of a sudden in mid conversation he says, "Exactly one year ago today we were tanning in my backyard." I didn't know what to say. When you're in a relationship with someone else, why contact someone you dated previously to mention that? Nice thing to remember on your anniversary when you're with the same person, but it seemed out of place especially since we only dated for a couple of weeks.
He sent a message for my birthday. A while later when planning a group trip to Cuba, he emailed to ask if I was interested in joining. I couldn't go at that time, but thanked him for thinking of me. Then he said we should meet for drinks so he could brush up on his Spanish. I found it odd and decided to call it a night. He had a bad track record for making plans, so if he wanted to meet for drinks he could make the plans. He made it a point to remind me that he was still going out with the same person. I told him I was seeing someone too. I didn't hear from him again for a long while.
Just recently he started texting again late one night. He mentioned he was going to Cuba with his girlfriend in a few weeks. I wished him a good trip then he asked me if I'd like to go with them. This seemed really odd. A vacation would be awesome, but I don't think that would be a good idea. I appreciated the offer, but turned him down. Then he says, "This weather has been so unpredictable. Two years ago today you and I were taking in the sun in my backyard." Ok, so now he's been with this chick for close to 2 years and apparently it's serious. Why contact me to reminisce about a date that happened 2 years ago and ask me to join them on their trip? Sure, I'll be the third wheel....NOT! Very weird if you ask me. How would he introduce me? This is ------, we dated for a couple of weeks and tanned in my backyard 2 years ago. Not too awkward, I'm sure his girlfriend would be thrilled to have me along.
I guess I should be grateful, interactions like these make life more interesting. Maybe next time I'll say yes to joining them on a trip. Wouldn't that be interesting. If it ever happens, I'll write a post on my blog and fill you all in! Lol
P.S. Had to add more to this post. So, there's a work event coming up in a few weeks and Mr. Navy wrote to ask me if I'd be there cause he can't wait to see me. For the life of me, I'll never understand men.
P.P.S. He found me at the work event. It was busy and he tried to carry on a conversation in Spanish. I had to get back to work. We hadn't seen each other in about a year. As we age we change, some for the better others....I'll leave it at that.
Have fun and feel free to share some of your unusual stories.
Dateless in Ottawa
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