After Round 28, I was numb. Traumatized would be the understatement of the year. As much as I tried to move forward and put what happened behind me, it was hard. Things could have ended far worse. I was grateful for being safe and with my kids. For a while I was afraid I'd run into The Thug. I was constantly looking over my shoulders. Thankfully I had never told him where I lived or worked. It was highly unlikely he'd be looking for me, but he frequented some of the same places I did so best to avoid Little Italy for a while.
Even writing about what happened stirred up my emotions. I wish I could permanently erase bad memories from my brain.
My friends were floored and disgusted when I told them what had happened. They suggested I get a bodyguard or chaperone to accompany me on all dates. If only that was possible, not sure my dates would be too impressed. That would certainly be interesting. This experience forced me to stop and think. At times we don't realize how easy it is to put ourselves in a position of danger when meeting strangers. We can't trust anyone, sadly this is a harsh reality. Growing up, it wasn't like this. Everyone within our circle of family and friends even those living in the neighbourhood were hard working, honest, respectful and law abiding individuals. One would never do harm to another. When had things changed to the point where it was acceptable to blatantly disrespect or hurt others? What made them think they had that right?
You're honest, work hard and wear your heart on your sleeve only to get your heart stomped on. There aren't too many options for a single person to find a significant other, online dating is the most popular tool. You can't live life being paranoid, afraid and unable to trust anyone. If that was the case, we'd have to lock ourselves up in our houses and never go out to avoid getting hurt. How does one navigate these murky waters of online dating? Trust and respect are earned and this doesn't happen overnight. We put out best foot forward and try to screen potential suitors while trying to keep an open mind and give them the benefit of the doubt. Kind of like in criminal law where you have to assume a person is innocent until proven guilty. Sadly some are better actors causing us to let our guard down too soon putting us at risk.
I'll never understand why people have to be dishonest and cruel. Life is hard enough, no need to complicate it even more. I believe in Karma, what comes around goes around. But in the meantime, these players leave behind them a path of hurt and destruction. It shouldn't be this way.
It was going to take some time for me to build up the courage to go back to online dating. Maybe there were other options? I'd have to do some research. In a perfect world you'd meet someone while out at an event or doing an activity you enjoy. As a single parent it doesn't seem to be as easy as it is for people that are single without kids. Not the same as when we were younger, always out and about, school, work and travelling. Where do 40 something year olds hang out these days? The reality is a single parent has more responsibilities and less time. Not to say I can't or won't make the time, but it's finding someone who is deserving of it.
Thankfully work got really busy, so my mind was occupied and dating went on the back burner. In a couple of months I would revisit, for now I would be happy and safe single.
Always put your safety first and listen to your gut because it's usually right! Be very careful.
Dateless in Ottawa
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