I went out with friends for drinks. Always nice to catch up and take a break from work. Some of us are single and using the various online dating apps and the oh so wonderful world of online dating. I love listening to and comparing online dating stories, but at times it's quite sad.
One friend in particular seemed very quiet. Later that night when it was just the two of us, she asked if we could talk. She asked me if I was having any luck with dating. I just laughed out loud. At this point I'm not putting any effort into online dating. It pretty much becomes another full-time job with no rewards. Better to focus on my kids and work. Plus with all the travel for work there really doesn't leave much time for a life, let alone planning dates that wind up not happening or that are a disappointment because men can't be honest.
I asked her how she was doing and she got really upset. She said she was taking a break. Things had never been great for her with the online dating. After a 14 year relationship ended abruptly, she dove into online dating because that's what single people do these days. From the beginning the dating was terrible. She said she'd lost count of how many times she'd been stood up. Then there's the guys that don't look anything like their pictures or who pretty much lied about everything in their profile. Her last two dates went extremely badly. I could tell she needed to vent so I sympathized and encouraged her to tell me about them. We ordered more drinks, I had a feeling we were going to need them!
Date #1.
They had emailed and texted for a bit then moved to the phone. He seemed nice enough and they had a few things in common. Finally he asked her to meet up for drinks and she accepted. He showed up on time, although he didn't quite look like his picture. Turns out his profile pic was only about 15 years old! Men are too much, you don't think a woman is going to notice?
The hostess took them over to a table and then he excused himself, he said he needed to go back to the car because he forgot his wallet. Sounded plausible enough. She sat and waited. Some time had passed and she wondered if he was ok. Initially she was thinking great, he took off, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and go check on him. They had arrived at the same time so she knew which car was his.
She walked through the parking lot and noticed he was sitting in the driver's seat. She thought, "Ok, he's still here, maybe he needs help finding his wallet?"
When she arrived at the car and looked in, she was not prepared for what she saw. He was in the process of jerking off and suddenly came. There was semen all over his shirt and everywhere. Just then there was a woman and her children walking by. She was beyond disgusted. She ran to her car and left.
OMG are you kidding me??? Who does that in a busy parking lot?
The next morning he texts her and asks, "Didn't you like what you saw?"
Geez dude, she left what do you think? Obviously not the brightest crayon in the box.
I tried not to laugh. Wow, that was crazy. But wait, she said the next story was far worse and the reason why she can't date anymore.
Date #2.
From the moment she read this guy's profile, she liked him. Something stood out and he seemed like the type of guy she'd want to date. They had great conversations and laughed a lot. He suggested dinner and she was excited. Finally a guy that seemed decent.
They met up and she was so happy that looked like his picture, it was a great start. They laughed and talked the whole night. Dinner was great, but finally they had to leave cause it was closing time. He said he didn't want the night to end because he was having so much fun. They tried to think of where to go and he suggested maybe a park or somewhere they could go for a walk since it was beautiful out. Neither one of them were familiar with that neighbourhood so they decided to go outside and figure it out.
Across the way there was a high school. He suggested they could just walk over there and sit and talk. Perfect, off they went. The conversation continued when suddenly he grabbed her by the neck and slammed her to the ground. Before she could figure out what had happened, he had her pinned down, still gripping her throat and was trying to get her clothes off.
She screamed and told him to get off. He said, "I can tell you like it rough, let's have fun." She tried to fight him off and he seemed to like that. She was in panic mode and couldn't get away. She finally yelled and said, "We're at a high school, there are cameras everywhere this isn't going to end well for you. What are you doing, get off me!"
She said she doesn't know how she managed to shove him off, but she got up and ran for her life.
Her: "I don't understand. We were having an awesome date. I totally would've gone out with him again. What did I do wrong? Why do these things keep happening to me? What if we weren't at the high school, where would I be now? I can't date anymore, I'm terrified. It shouldn't be like this."
Me: "I'm so sorry. No one deserves that. I can totally sympathize, unfortunately I've had worse. It isn't your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. What he did was wrong. Did you call the police?"
Her: "No, I was so ashamed and embarrassed. What would people think? I never heard from him again."
Me: "Sad that we blame ourselves. Why is that? Are you ok?"
Her: "I don't know. My life isn't how it should be. My relationship was perfect, I don't want to have to date. Aren't there any nice people left in this world? Why would a guy do that? What does he hope to gain?"
Me: "He obviously only wanted one thing and decided he was going to get it no matter what. The world has changed, it's very sad. It shouldn't be this way. Stay strong and don't give up, someone nice will come along. Wish I had better advice or tips to share, but I'm in the same boat. Hard not to become jaded. Take a break and no more going for walks on dates!"
This brought back memories of my really bad dates. I had buried them in the back of my mind, but was suddenly reliving them. I felt horrible for her, but was happy she was able to get away. Some of us aren't that lucky and it's something that stays with you forever. For me it's the worst violation a man can commit. The sense of entitlement and lack of respect is appalling. Then as much as we want their sorry ass thrown in jail and to save other women from the same experience, we're too ashamed to report it. What a sad state of affairs!
No, means no!
Dateless in Ottawa
Tuesday 25 June 2019
Tuesday 14 May 2019
Dishonesty in Dating
Often times when someone cancels on you at the last minute, you're left wondering whether you said or did something wrong. Why is it that we always assume the worst and blame ourselves? Sadly many men are dishonest and unable to tell you the real reason why they are cancelling. Don't get me wrong, things do happen but some excuses are beyond lame. Personally I strive to be a person of my word and go out of my way to make sure if I have plans that I follow through. I can be extremely creative at juggling my kids, work and responsibilities. Not sure where I find the extra hours, but I make it work. There is only one time I can think of that I had to cancel and that was because I was out of town working and had to stay an extra day due to events getting added at the last minute. Funnily enough, as I was calling my date to let him know, he was calling me to cancel at the exact same time!
The list of excuses is endless. Some plausible others way too far fetched. I'll have to dedicate a post just to excuses guys use!
A very common one I've run into numerous times over the last couple of years is "I have a headache"
- I love this one. I wish I had 5 bucks for every time a guy cancelled for this reason. So much for women being the ones with recurring headaches. Sorry, guys it seems the tables have turned. Ever hear of taking an Advil or Tylenol?
I love it when I catch a guy in a lie. Sooner or later the truth will always come out. We're too old for games, just tell the truth.
My son recently learned this lesson all too well. I was planning a surprise birthday party for him and asked one of his girlfriends to ask him out for lunch and bring him to the restaurant. It was all set-up perfectly, then at 10:00 pm the night before he texts her that he's not going out. He doesn't feel well and has too much homework. I texted another of his girlfriends and she said not to worry, he was going out with her for lunch instead. I felt really badly for the first girl. It was weird, was there a misunderstanding?
Well, the next day at his party didn't he feel like a complete idiot when he walked in and who did he see first? The girlfriend he originally had plans with. She was visibly upset and he was horribly embarrassed. He tried apologizing, but it was beyond lame.
That night I let him have it. This kind of behaviour is completely unacceptable. This is not how I raised him. Respect and honesty are paramount.
Me: "I can't believe you did that. Hopefully you've learned your lesson. You've heard some of my online dating stories and how upset I get and you go and do it to a good friend of yours? Really nice."
Him: "I couldn't believe it when I walked in and saw her. I felt so bad."
Me: "You should! You don't do that. I'm ashamed of you, she was very upset."
Him: "I know, I know. I didn't know what to say. I apologized."
Me: "Don't you turn into an asshole like the guys I have to deal with online. If you don't want to go out with someone then don't say yes to begin with. What, you get a better offer and dump the first one? How would you feel if someone did it to you? This better not be a habit of yours. Glad you got caught, learn from your mistake and don't you ever do it again!"
Him: "Yeah, I know."
Me: "You owe her an apology and need to make it up to her. Can't imagine how you made her feel. She was doing me a favour to get you to the party so you wouldn't figure it out. I feel bad for having asked her cause then you go and do this. Geez! Some best friend you are."
My daughter told me later it's not the first time he's done it. This time Karma worked her magic and he got caught red handed! All of his friends at the party knew what was going on too. I think he learned his lesson.
Are men born with this behaviour imbedded in them? My goodness, be a man and show some respect. Not only to yourself, but others. Yes, sometimes the truth hurts but I'd rather that than being lead on or used. Time is the most precious gift a person can give you because you can never get that back. Don't take advantage of them and play games.
Too much!
Dateless in Ottawa
The list of excuses is endless. Some plausible others way too far fetched. I'll have to dedicate a post just to excuses guys use!
A very common one I've run into numerous times over the last couple of years is "I have a headache"
- I love this one. I wish I had 5 bucks for every time a guy cancelled for this reason. So much for women being the ones with recurring headaches. Sorry, guys it seems the tables have turned. Ever hear of taking an Advil or Tylenol?
I love it when I catch a guy in a lie. Sooner or later the truth will always come out. We're too old for games, just tell the truth.
My son recently learned this lesson all too well. I was planning a surprise birthday party for him and asked one of his girlfriends to ask him out for lunch and bring him to the restaurant. It was all set-up perfectly, then at 10:00 pm the night before he texts her that he's not going out. He doesn't feel well and has too much homework. I texted another of his girlfriends and she said not to worry, he was going out with her for lunch instead. I felt really badly for the first girl. It was weird, was there a misunderstanding?
Well, the next day at his party didn't he feel like a complete idiot when he walked in and who did he see first? The girlfriend he originally had plans with. She was visibly upset and he was horribly embarrassed. He tried apologizing, but it was beyond lame.
That night I let him have it. This kind of behaviour is completely unacceptable. This is not how I raised him. Respect and honesty are paramount.
Me: "I can't believe you did that. Hopefully you've learned your lesson. You've heard some of my online dating stories and how upset I get and you go and do it to a good friend of yours? Really nice."
Him: "I couldn't believe it when I walked in and saw her. I felt so bad."
Me: "You should! You don't do that. I'm ashamed of you, she was very upset."
Him: "I know, I know. I didn't know what to say. I apologized."
Me: "Don't you turn into an asshole like the guys I have to deal with online. If you don't want to go out with someone then don't say yes to begin with. What, you get a better offer and dump the first one? How would you feel if someone did it to you? This better not be a habit of yours. Glad you got caught, learn from your mistake and don't you ever do it again!"
Him: "Yeah, I know."
Me: "You owe her an apology and need to make it up to her. Can't imagine how you made her feel. She was doing me a favour to get you to the party so you wouldn't figure it out. I feel bad for having asked her cause then you go and do this. Geez! Some best friend you are."
My daughter told me later it's not the first time he's done it. This time Karma worked her magic and he got caught red handed! All of his friends at the party knew what was going on too. I think he learned his lesson.
Are men born with this behaviour imbedded in them? My goodness, be a man and show some respect. Not only to yourself, but others. Yes, sometimes the truth hurts but I'd rather that than being lead on or used. Time is the most precious gift a person can give you because you can never get that back. Don't take advantage of them and play games.
Too much!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 12 May 2019
More dating stories going back a while
As promised, a few more older stories that I never got around to writing about. I swear as long as I live, not sure I'll ever figure men out.
When I'm bored, POF becomes a source of entertainment. Sad to view it that way, but given my experiences best not to have any expectations. Maybe one day someone will surprise me, until then I have to make the best of it. I had logged in one night when I couldn't sleep and within minutes men started writing.
A couple of them had written previously. All of them are great at emailing fast and furious with no intention of meeting. The majority simply want to sext. No thanks boys, I'll pass. One stood out. I had never seen this picture before and the profile was very well written. He was 6'6" with a pale complexion and hair that was so blond is was almost white. His introductory email was long and touched on several notes in my profile so he obviously took the time to read it. He was new to Ottawa. The profile said he worked in transport. We emailed for a while then he asked if I would like to call him so we could talk live. I called and we had a good conversation. He suggested we meet for a game of pool or perhaps swing dancing lessons. I chose pool.
A few days before we were supposed to meet, he sent some odd texts. It was almost as though they were intended for someone else. The conversation didn't follow any of the topics we had previously talked about and made no sense to me. I asked if he was ok and he called. He sounded upset and confused. Said he'd had an argument with his family and they called him a loser and useless. Something about a bank transfer that wasn't sent. I tried to be sympathetic, but none of what he said made any sense. This left me feeling a bit uneasy.
The following day he called again and went on about the last woman he dated and how she still called him often. They went out and she always paid for everything. She was planning a trip to Florida and wanted him to come along. Then he commented that I must have a similar following with men I had previously dated. They probably still want to get into my pants and he's not interested in having to compete for my attention.
I was so not impressed.
Me: "When it's over, it's over. I don't continue to see ex's and have them pay for everything or sleep with them thank you very much. How inappropriate."
Him: "But do you know what I mean? I'm sure they're still pining away for you."
Me: "That's irrelevant, is this what you do? If you're still involved with your ex's, then maybe you shouldn't be dating."
Him: "No, not at all. I really want to meet you. First time I have a serious and intelligent conversation with a lady. I can tell you're classy and well educated."
His profile said he had children. When I asked he said his daughter had lived for an hour and died shortly after birth. Him and his wife divorced soon after. He moved to Ottawa after a bad break up and a falling out with his family. For years he'd been a truck driver, but claimed he didn't want to do that anymore. He wanted to settle down and grow some roots. At 53 I think that's a smart thing to do.
I had my doubts. Something didn't feel right, but being a person of my word I met him for a game of pool. Thankfully the place was right by my warehouse, so I knew co-workers would be close by if needed.
He was on time. We met up inside. He was definitely tall, but looked much older in person. When we got to our table we took off our coats and ordered a drink. In the light, I was extremely disappointed with what I saw. His polo shirt and pants were stained and dirty. Then he got a phone call so I went and sat off to the side to give him some privacy. When he hung up:
Him: "I guess I didn't do a good job of updating my contacts."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Him: "This is a woman I dated a while ago and she's calling me to hook up again."
Me: "Pardon me?"
Him: "I thought I had deleted her from my contacts, these women keep calling me."
Me: "Whether you delete her from your contacts or not, she obviously still has your number. If you don't want to talk to her perhaps you should block her number."
Him: "Oh is that how it works? You don't look impressed."
Me: "Should I be?"
The couple next to us kept staring at him. The lady finally came over and asked him his name, she said he looked identical to her favourite Irish singer. Sure enough she pulled up a picture on her iPhone and he look just like him. He was also Irish. Another friend of theirs arrived and again a big commotion. I could tell he loved attention. They asked if they could take pictures with him so I got to play photographer. Glad I was able to make myself useful.
Then he got another call. He went on about finances and how short he was on money. Apparently he just got a job driving kids to school, but his vehicle wasn't in the best of shape. He was between jobs and having a hard time getting one. He'd been off for a while, dealing with some mental health issues. Oh boy, this was all new. Funny how he hadn't mentioned any of this during our previous conversations. Great, I was so not paying for this date. Was this guy for real? He thought he was God's gift to women...NOT!
The whole time his pants kept falling down. It was ridiculous. I think he thought it was sexy. Given how dirty his clothes were...I didn't even want to go there if you know what I mean. He commented that I looked really good and better than my picture. Damn right! My pictures are recent and I took the time to dress appropriately and shower before the date.
Ultimately after playing a couple of games, I told him I was done. From the look on his face I could tell he knew exactly what I meant, but had the gall to comment that he thought I liked sex.
Me: "I do very much, but only with the right person."
I headed straight for the door. He stayed behind to pay. Typically I would offer, but I was beyond pissed off. Not to mention that in my books if you ask me out, you're paying. We walked out to the parking lot and he asked if he was at least going to get a kiss good night. OMG!!! My bitch face must have surfaced because he quickly headed for his car. I said good night and left.
Unbelievable. What planet do these men come from? Give your head a shake. Wow! I have nothing else to say.
Dateless in Ottawa
When I'm bored, POF becomes a source of entertainment. Sad to view it that way, but given my experiences best not to have any expectations. Maybe one day someone will surprise me, until then I have to make the best of it. I had logged in one night when I couldn't sleep and within minutes men started writing.
A couple of them had written previously. All of them are great at emailing fast and furious with no intention of meeting. The majority simply want to sext. No thanks boys, I'll pass. One stood out. I had never seen this picture before and the profile was very well written. He was 6'6" with a pale complexion and hair that was so blond is was almost white. His introductory email was long and touched on several notes in my profile so he obviously took the time to read it. He was new to Ottawa. The profile said he worked in transport. We emailed for a while then he asked if I would like to call him so we could talk live. I called and we had a good conversation. He suggested we meet for a game of pool or perhaps swing dancing lessons. I chose pool.
A few days before we were supposed to meet, he sent some odd texts. It was almost as though they were intended for someone else. The conversation didn't follow any of the topics we had previously talked about and made no sense to me. I asked if he was ok and he called. He sounded upset and confused. Said he'd had an argument with his family and they called him a loser and useless. Something about a bank transfer that wasn't sent. I tried to be sympathetic, but none of what he said made any sense. This left me feeling a bit uneasy.
The following day he called again and went on about the last woman he dated and how she still called him often. They went out and she always paid for everything. She was planning a trip to Florida and wanted him to come along. Then he commented that I must have a similar following with men I had previously dated. They probably still want to get into my pants and he's not interested in having to compete for my attention.
I was so not impressed.
Me: "When it's over, it's over. I don't continue to see ex's and have them pay for everything or sleep with them thank you very much. How inappropriate."
Him: "But do you know what I mean? I'm sure they're still pining away for you."
Me: "That's irrelevant, is this what you do? If you're still involved with your ex's, then maybe you shouldn't be dating."
Him: "No, not at all. I really want to meet you. First time I have a serious and intelligent conversation with a lady. I can tell you're classy and well educated."
His profile said he had children. When I asked he said his daughter had lived for an hour and died shortly after birth. Him and his wife divorced soon after. He moved to Ottawa after a bad break up and a falling out with his family. For years he'd been a truck driver, but claimed he didn't want to do that anymore. He wanted to settle down and grow some roots. At 53 I think that's a smart thing to do.
I had my doubts. Something didn't feel right, but being a person of my word I met him for a game of pool. Thankfully the place was right by my warehouse, so I knew co-workers would be close by if needed.
He was on time. We met up inside. He was definitely tall, but looked much older in person. When we got to our table we took off our coats and ordered a drink. In the light, I was extremely disappointed with what I saw. His polo shirt and pants were stained and dirty. Then he got a phone call so I went and sat off to the side to give him some privacy. When he hung up:
Him: "I guess I didn't do a good job of updating my contacts."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Him: "This is a woman I dated a while ago and she's calling me to hook up again."
Me: "Pardon me?"
Him: "I thought I had deleted her from my contacts, these women keep calling me."
Me: "Whether you delete her from your contacts or not, she obviously still has your number. If you don't want to talk to her perhaps you should block her number."
Him: "Oh is that how it works? You don't look impressed."
Me: "Should I be?"
The couple next to us kept staring at him. The lady finally came over and asked him his name, she said he looked identical to her favourite Irish singer. Sure enough she pulled up a picture on her iPhone and he look just like him. He was also Irish. Another friend of theirs arrived and again a big commotion. I could tell he loved attention. They asked if they could take pictures with him so I got to play photographer. Glad I was able to make myself useful.
Then he got another call. He went on about finances and how short he was on money. Apparently he just got a job driving kids to school, but his vehicle wasn't in the best of shape. He was between jobs and having a hard time getting one. He'd been off for a while, dealing with some mental health issues. Oh boy, this was all new. Funny how he hadn't mentioned any of this during our previous conversations. Great, I was so not paying for this date. Was this guy for real? He thought he was God's gift to women...NOT!
The whole time his pants kept falling down. It was ridiculous. I think he thought it was sexy. Given how dirty his clothes were...I didn't even want to go there if you know what I mean. He commented that I looked really good and better than my picture. Damn right! My pictures are recent and I took the time to dress appropriately and shower before the date.
Ultimately after playing a couple of games, I told him I was done. From the look on his face I could tell he knew exactly what I meant, but had the gall to comment that he thought I liked sex.
Me: "I do very much, but only with the right person."
I headed straight for the door. He stayed behind to pay. Typically I would offer, but I was beyond pissed off. Not to mention that in my books if you ask me out, you're paying. We walked out to the parking lot and he asked if he was at least going to get a kiss good night. OMG!!! My bitch face must have surfaced because he quickly headed for his car. I said good night and left.
Unbelievable. What planet do these men come from? Give your head a shake. Wow! I have nothing else to say.
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday 21 April 2019
I'm back!!!!!
Hello All,
Sorry to leave you hanging. Life and work got busy which meant there was no time for me to write!
Will slowly make it a point to post more regularly. I still have a few more stories to add from 2017. As for 2018, the online dating scene was very quiet with the exception of one gentleman I had met about 4 years ago that reappeared. You'll have to stay tuned for an update.
It's interesting living with teenagers. They are slowly getting into the dating scene and we have the most amazing conversations. Lucky for them they don't need to use online dating. College and university pretty much guarantee they will be surrounded by hundreds if not thousands of individuals with similar interests and likes who are relatively to their age. My kids are thoroughly entertained by my dating experiences. I think my daughters are slowly starting to understand that it's ok for Mom to date and it's also a good thing. It means I'll be out more so they can have their friends over and not feel awkward cause Mom is home. My son on the other hand, has never had an issue with me dating. He always says he wants me to be happy and not be alone. Funny how him and his friends love having me around. Apparently of all the Moms I'm the coolest and most down to earth. No matter what time day or night, I'm there to pick them up. I get invited along when they go to the movies or out for a bite, they are too funny. They also feel comfortable talking to me about anything and everything. A bit scary at times, but I'd rather they tell me everything no matter how bad it is. I want them to be respectful, kind, productive and successful law abiding citizens. Friendships and dating provide great lessons on social interactions. I always tell my kids, treat others the way you want to be treated.
Teenagers and dating:
So I went out for dinner with my 3 oldest. It's nice we can all hang out, have great food and laugh. More often than not, they are laughing at me but it's all good.
At the restaurant, we were seated next to a couple. I noticed right away they were on a date and decided to test my teens to see how observant they are.
Me: Ok guys, the couple next to us. Are they friends, an item or on a date? And justify your answer.
Son: They're friends, they look comfortable and the way he's dressed no way he's on a date.
Girl #1: I'm not sure, they could be friends.
Girl #2: Probably a couple, I don't know.
Me: Pay attention to the conversation, what other things do you notice?
Things I had noticed:
- She had a ring on her wedding ring finger and he was so not her husband.
- She was well put together, even though they appeared to have just come back from skiing or a hike.
- There were awkward pauses during the conversation, it was very obvious to me they didn't know each other that well based on the questions they were asking each other.
As we enjoyed our dinner, the kids paid attention and slowly elaborated on their answers.
Son: Yeah, I think they're friends. She's talking to him about her kids, she wouldn't do that on a date.
Girl #1: Oh, it's totally a date. Look how he's staring at her.
Girl #2: I think they're friends or maybe they are a couple.
Me: If they were friends or a couple, wouldn't he know all about the kids already? She's going into details about the kids' personalities, what they like and their behaviour.
Son: Oh wait, that's true.
Me: When you look at them, what do you see?
Girl #2: He looks like a slob compared to her. Her hair is nice and she put make-up and jewellery on. A bit over dressed for a casual date if they were skiing.
Girl #1: No, I still think they're friends. She wouldn't feel comfortable talking to him about her kids otherwise.
I couldn't stop laughing, but they were still way off.
Son: Ok Mom, so what are you thinking?
Me: Totally a date, no doubt. A friend, boyfriend or husband would know all about her kids already. It's not like she's a talking about something that happened today or a specific incident. She's describing her kids in detail, talking about their ages, personalities and what they like. She also mentioned they weren't thrilled about her dating.
Girl #1: Wow, you're really observant.
Me: What else do you notice? Just pay attention.
Our food arrived so we focused on enjoying our dinner while observing the couple. The evening became more and more interesting. It was like having free live entertainment.
Son: OMG so she's so high maintenance and can't stop talking about herself.
Girl #1: Oh geez, you were right Mom. She's talking about how she's divorced.
Me: What else do you notice? Anything unusual? Their hands?
Girl #2: She's wearing a ring, wait maybe they're engaged?
Me: That's not an engagement ring, mind you these days anything goes.
The couple finished their dinner and ordered more drinks and dessert. The gentleman asked to see her hand and we all started laughing. I guess he hadn't noticed the ring earlier. The woman was going on about how she wears the ring because it makes her feel more confident and secure. But she doesn't need anyone and has no issues going out or travelling alone unlike her ex-husband. I burst out laughing!
Girl #2: Mom, how did you know?
Me: Not uncommon for women to wear a ring if they want to give the impression they are taken or married. Doesn't always work, some guys will still try.
Girl #1: Really? Have you ever done that?
Me: Yes.
He kept trying to hold her hand and she kept pulling it away. It was obvious he was smitten and she was not.
Son: Won't last, she doesn't seem too impressed. She almost looks annoyed.
Girl #1: Yeah totally, she keeps taking her hand away.
And thus ended their first Dating Course: Observations 101.
We had an awesome dinner and great entertainment. My kids learned that body language speaks volumes. If someone appears to be uncomfortable, you don't continue to do things that are causing them to feel this way. With this couple, he should've stopped taking her hand as it was blatantly obvious when she kept pulling it away that she didn't want him to hold it. Never make someone feel uncomfortable, when in doubt ask!
Respect is key. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Sadly in this day and age it doesn't take much to "cross the line." I tell my kids, err on the side of caution. Respect other people's personal space. No means no, be very careful.
How to dress for a date is also important. They were at an upper scale restaurant. She was well put together, he was dressed way too casual and his hair was a mess. Always put your best foot forward. You only get one chance to make a good first impression.
At least he picked up the tab, helped her with her coat even though she insisted she had it and opened the door for her. Chivalry is extremely important. I can't stress this enough to my kids.
Stay tuned for more online dating stories and my efforts at trying to educate my kids to better prepare them for the wonderful world of dating!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sorry to leave you hanging. Life and work got busy which meant there was no time for me to write!
Will slowly make it a point to post more regularly. I still have a few more stories to add from 2017. As for 2018, the online dating scene was very quiet with the exception of one gentleman I had met about 4 years ago that reappeared. You'll have to stay tuned for an update.
It's interesting living with teenagers. They are slowly getting into the dating scene and we have the most amazing conversations. Lucky for them they don't need to use online dating. College and university pretty much guarantee they will be surrounded by hundreds if not thousands of individuals with similar interests and likes who are relatively to their age. My kids are thoroughly entertained by my dating experiences. I think my daughters are slowly starting to understand that it's ok for Mom to date and it's also a good thing. It means I'll be out more so they can have their friends over and not feel awkward cause Mom is home. My son on the other hand, has never had an issue with me dating. He always says he wants me to be happy and not be alone. Funny how him and his friends love having me around. Apparently of all the Moms I'm the coolest and most down to earth. No matter what time day or night, I'm there to pick them up. I get invited along when they go to the movies or out for a bite, they are too funny. They also feel comfortable talking to me about anything and everything. A bit scary at times, but I'd rather they tell me everything no matter how bad it is. I want them to be respectful, kind, productive and successful law abiding citizens. Friendships and dating provide great lessons on social interactions. I always tell my kids, treat others the way you want to be treated.
Teenagers and dating:
So I went out for dinner with my 3 oldest. It's nice we can all hang out, have great food and laugh. More often than not, they are laughing at me but it's all good.
At the restaurant, we were seated next to a couple. I noticed right away they were on a date and decided to test my teens to see how observant they are.
Me: Ok guys, the couple next to us. Are they friends, an item or on a date? And justify your answer.
Son: They're friends, they look comfortable and the way he's dressed no way he's on a date.
Girl #1: I'm not sure, they could be friends.
Girl #2: Probably a couple, I don't know.
Me: Pay attention to the conversation, what other things do you notice?
Things I had noticed:
- She had a ring on her wedding ring finger and he was so not her husband.
- She was well put together, even though they appeared to have just come back from skiing or a hike.
- There were awkward pauses during the conversation, it was very obvious to me they didn't know each other that well based on the questions they were asking each other.
As we enjoyed our dinner, the kids paid attention and slowly elaborated on their answers.
Son: Yeah, I think they're friends. She's talking to him about her kids, she wouldn't do that on a date.
Girl #1: Oh, it's totally a date. Look how he's staring at her.
Girl #2: I think they're friends or maybe they are a couple.
Me: If they were friends or a couple, wouldn't he know all about the kids already? She's going into details about the kids' personalities, what they like and their behaviour.
Son: Oh wait, that's true.
Me: When you look at them, what do you see?
Girl #2: He looks like a slob compared to her. Her hair is nice and she put make-up and jewellery on. A bit over dressed for a casual date if they were skiing.
Girl #1: No, I still think they're friends. She wouldn't feel comfortable talking to him about her kids otherwise.
I couldn't stop laughing, but they were still way off.
Son: Ok Mom, so what are you thinking?
Me: Totally a date, no doubt. A friend, boyfriend or husband would know all about her kids already. It's not like she's a talking about something that happened today or a specific incident. She's describing her kids in detail, talking about their ages, personalities and what they like. She also mentioned they weren't thrilled about her dating.
Girl #1: Wow, you're really observant.
Me: What else do you notice? Just pay attention.
Our food arrived so we focused on enjoying our dinner while observing the couple. The evening became more and more interesting. It was like having free live entertainment.
Son: OMG so she's so high maintenance and can't stop talking about herself.
Girl #1: Oh geez, you were right Mom. She's talking about how she's divorced.
Me: What else do you notice? Anything unusual? Their hands?
Girl #2: She's wearing a ring, wait maybe they're engaged?
Me: That's not an engagement ring, mind you these days anything goes.
The couple finished their dinner and ordered more drinks and dessert. The gentleman asked to see her hand and we all started laughing. I guess he hadn't noticed the ring earlier. The woman was going on about how she wears the ring because it makes her feel more confident and secure. But she doesn't need anyone and has no issues going out or travelling alone unlike her ex-husband. I burst out laughing!
Girl #2: Mom, how did you know?
Me: Not uncommon for women to wear a ring if they want to give the impression they are taken or married. Doesn't always work, some guys will still try.
Girl #1: Really? Have you ever done that?
Me: Yes.
He kept trying to hold her hand and she kept pulling it away. It was obvious he was smitten and she was not.
Son: Won't last, she doesn't seem too impressed. She almost looks annoyed.
Girl #1: Yeah totally, she keeps taking her hand away.
And thus ended their first Dating Course: Observations 101.
We had an awesome dinner and great entertainment. My kids learned that body language speaks volumes. If someone appears to be uncomfortable, you don't continue to do things that are causing them to feel this way. With this couple, he should've stopped taking her hand as it was blatantly obvious when she kept pulling it away that she didn't want him to hold it. Never make someone feel uncomfortable, when in doubt ask!
Respect is key. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Sadly in this day and age it doesn't take much to "cross the line." I tell my kids, err on the side of caution. Respect other people's personal space. No means no, be very careful.
How to dress for a date is also important. They were at an upper scale restaurant. She was well put together, he was dressed way too casual and his hair was a mess. Always put your best foot forward. You only get one chance to make a good first impression.
At least he picked up the tab, helped her with her coat even though she insisted she had it and opened the door for her. Chivalry is extremely important. I can't stress this enough to my kids.
Stay tuned for more online dating stories and my efforts at trying to educate my kids to better prepare them for the wonderful world of dating!
Dateless in Ottawa
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)