No surprise that I was pretty shaken after Mr. Former Football Player. The thought of even going on another date was terrifying. I had no good experiences to give me hope. I also failed to make light of the fact that there were quite a few other emails. Most soliciting sex or just rude so I deleted them. A few others just didn't catch my attention and I didn't see any potential so I politely said no thank you, best of luck with your search. One guy kept insisting so I finally said I had just met someone and wanted to see where it would go.
Growing up we were always taught to be respectful and treat others the same way we wanted to be treated. When I ventured into the online dating arena, I told myself I would respond to everyone that wrote to me. If they were going to make the effort to write, the least I could do was respond. Over time I had to re-evaluate this. When someone is rude or sends nothing but a "Hey", "Yo" , "Sexy Mama"...you get the idea, these guys didn't deserve a response or a second of my time.
I hid my profile, I just couldn't deal with this. Had to build up my confidence. A girlfriend was going to a speed dating event. I had never heard of this. She said it would be better and I wouldn't be alone. There would be 7 men and 7 women. You'd have 7 minutes with each of the men. The organizers sent out a list of suggested questions you could use or you could write your own. Surprise, surprise I found their questions boring. They were the standard - What do you do for a living? Do you have children? What are your hobbies? ....blah, blah, blah. A friend came over and I made up my own questions. I want someone that has a sense of humour, that can think on their feet and be creative. The other stuff I can find out in a 5 minute conversation some other time.
Ok, now I was excited. I wasn't going to be alone, it was taking place at a popular pub downtown and my girlfriend and I could go out for drinks afterwards to compare notes.
The night arrives and my girlfriend calls to say she's sick and can't go. The sitter had already arrived, I couldn't ask her to leave. I dragged myself kicking and screaming and off I went.
The venue was nice, they gave us a drink when we arrived. It was probably to calm our nerves. I was excited and couldn't wait to ask my questions. The women were seated then they brought the men in and they had to rotate around the room every time the bell rang. Perfect, I just had to sit the men would come to me.
Ok, first round starts and the first gentleman sits down in front of me. OMG, this is not happening. Guess who? It's Mr. Persistent. I had only just told him the week before I had starting seeing someone. He was visibly upset and glaring at me.
Him: "I thought you said you were seeing someone."
Me: "I was, it didn't work out. I guess you haven't met anyone yet either?"
Him: "Really, what a coincidence. No, I'm still looking."
Followed by an endless moment of awkward silence. Where was the damn bell??? Felt like we sat there for hours before it finally rang and he had to move on. That's ok, stay calm it will get better.
Round 2, perfect I can ask my questions!
Me: "If you were a fruit, which one would you be and why?"
He stands up and starts having a tantrum. Everyone stops and all eyes are on my table. He starts yelling.
Him: "Those questions were not on the list. You can't change the questions. Didn't they send you the list of questions you were supposed to ask me?"
The organizer came over to make sure everything was ok. My speed date was extremely upset and explained that I didn't use the questions provided. She kindly explained that those were only suggested questions, participants can ask whatever they want and it's up to you whether you decline to answer. Ok, the bell went off. Thank goodness, next!
Round 3, maybe now I can ask my question without getting yelled at? I crossed my fingers and held my breath.
Me: "If you were a fruit, which one would you be and why?"
He paused and I braced myself for another explosion. Thankfully, it was an explosion of laughter! Finally I had accomplished my goal. This guy earned major brownie points.
Him: "Love the question, I so didn't expect that. Thanks for being original. Oh sorry, I guess I should answer the question. Grapes because they're sweet!"
We had a nice chat, but I didn't feel any chemistry. Kids didn't really interest him. He was big on sports and that's not me. I'd consider friendship, he seemed like a really fun guy.
Round 4, I got to use my questions again and he didn't seem too thrilled. A bit too serious for my taste and definitely way too old.
Round 5, I let him ask the questions. We had nothing in common and the conversation was painful.
Round 6, Just when I thought things couldn't get worse. One of my former bosses sits down across from me. We'd always butted heads, I was so happy when he moved on to another section. He was thrilled to see me. He went on and on about how he had seen my profile and had been wanting to contact me for the last several months, but wasn't sure how I would react. His divorce was final and he was ready to start over. He was well versed on my life and knew my ex. We'd crossed paths many times while out with our kids which were all roughly the same age. The picture on his profile was hidden, no wonder I hadn't seen him online. Well, those last 7 minutes went by very quickly and I couldn't wait to leave. He wanted to go for coffee, I said I had to get home to the kids.
Round 7, one of the guys had also called in sick so we were done!
At the end you had to sit with the organizer and rate your dates then tell them which one you would like to see again. The guys went first.
Me: "Thanks, this was interesting. Sorry I upset gentleman #2."
Organizer: "Don't worry, there's at least one of those in every group. You didn't do anything wrong. It added some excitement to the event. So, which guys would you like to see again so I can provide them with your contact info?"
Me: "Unfortunately none."
Organizer: "None? Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes, thank you for organizing this event. Maybe next time."
Organizer: "Why don't you take a minute and thing about it? Maybe just one?"
Me: "No, really I didn't feel any chemistry with any of them."
Organizer: "Just one? Come on! Ok, I'm not suppose to tell you this but 3 of them really liked you. Can I make a suggestion?"
Me: "No, honestly I appreciate your help but no."
Organizer: "One is waiting for you, there seemed to be a great conversation going on."
Me: "Former boss and we still work for the same organization so I'm not going there."
Organizer: "Oh, how awkward is that? Thanks for participating, I hope we'll see you at our next event. Have a great night!"
What's that expression, from the frying pan into the oven? OMG! My best friend was shocked, but burst out laughing. Round 2 was her favourite story, she wished she'd been a fly on the wall to witness a grown man have a tantrum over a stupid question. She let me cry on her shoulder and told me I'd laugh about it in the morning. At least I got out and one of the guys was really nice and made me laugh so it wasn't all bad.
My former boss contacted the organizers and asked them to double check in case I wanted to change my mind. This stalking from a distance dragged on for over a year. He tracked me down at work and coincidentally, I'd run into him at least once a day. Not long after I was promoted and moved to another building, eventually the emails stopped.
Ok, so online dating wasn't working and speed dating was even worse! Two stalkers, what are the odds? Bad things are supposed to happen in threes, what now? I braced myself.
Time for another break. I read up on the do's and don't of dating, online dating and anything I could get my hands on hoping to find "the" answer.
Ok, enough excitement for one night. I have to leave you wanting more! Lol
Dateless in Ottawa
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