After leaving a 10 year + relationship, what did I have? 3 young children, our belongings, a good job, a supportive family and friends, a new house, fear of the future and an insanely jealous controlling ex. Would we be ok? What was in store for us? How would I manage alone?
Sadly, two days after the kids and I moved into our new house Mom passed away. I was devastated and felt more lost than ever. Mom kept the family together, she was our rock. The grandchildren were her life and her theirs. After almost a year of helping Dad, mourning and adjusting to our new normal, I felt it was time to venture out and find myself a special someone. I was lonely and wanted what my friends had; someone to love and share my life with.
Dating sounded so foreign and scary. Where was I supposed to go to meet someone? Would there be a man willing to accept a woman with 3 young children? After being off the market for so long, the thought of dating was beyond overwhelming. I had never dated much, it was more like a series of long-term relationships with men I had met accidentally through friends. Rusty was the major understatement of the year and with 3 little ones in tow I wasn't sure how it could ever work. Friends suggested I try online dating, so off I went to do some research. What was online dating? Don't people meet in person anymore? I have to use a computer? It seemed foreign, cold and unrealistic. There were several sites, some free, others had fees attached. I figured may as well start with a free one to get my feet wet and go from there. Lavalife seemed to be the most popular one at the time so I went to work!
Step 1: Choosing a username
I thought this would be easy, NOT! How many people could there possibly be on this site? It seemed like it took a dozen tries before I finally found a username that was available. I used a simple deviation of my name. Later on I learned I should've done more research. Using diva in a username had a negative connotation. So much for trying to be cute and funny! Also a good idea to maintain a certain level of anonymity so using my actual name probably wasn't the best idea either. Live and learn!
Step 2: The profile
This was a huge challenge! I was always horrible at public speaking and being very shy made it difficult to meet people or even interact in small crowds. Talking about myself was foreign and sounded pretentious, but now I had to create a profile extoling my virtues to get the attention of potential partners? I enlisted the help of close friends and started with "My friends would describe me as..." it was simple, straight forward and honest with bits of humour injected here and there. They focused on my strengths and the things most important to me; cooking, travel, languages, history, movies, family, friends and laughing. Basically me in a nut shell, no fancy packaging, what you see is what you get.
Step 3: Category
I was a little taken aback by the categories, well at least one anyways. Long-term, short-term, friendship, dating, intimate encounters, pen pal and I think I saw a few others. Being a bit naïve and raised like a good little catholic girl, I was shocked that anyone would choose intimate encounters as their category. Oh well, to each his/her own. Of course I chose long-term.
Step 4: The picture
You only had to post one picture. That wasn't a problem as I had several, but the thought of putting my picture on an online dating site seemed cheesy and completely out of character for me. Never mind the fact that I was technologically challenged, a friend had to come over and help me accomplish this task. Thousands probably even more would be able to see my picture. What if friends of my parents saw me or people my ex knew? What if colleagues from work saw it, what would they say or think? I wasn't comfortable with this at all. It was like one huge Sears catalogue full of pictures and brief descriptions, the only thing missing was a price! Experience taught me later that there would be a price to pay.
Step 5: Other details
Elements like age, hair colour, eye colour, interests....this part was easy and straight forward. Nothing to hide, all the details were consistent with my profile and picture.
Step 6: Marital status
This category also caught me off guard. Married? Why would there even be a married category on what was supposed to be an online dating site for singles? This really threw me, but I quickly learned that sadly, cheating was quite common on these sites. Shocked that married men post their pictures never expecting to get caught. Yes, you guessed it I chose single! I had never been married so I was being honest.
Ok, the profile was finished and posted. Now all I had to do was wait for emails. It took me a while to learn to navigate the site and view profiles. Once again, being horrible with computers, I decided men should contact me. After all, chivalry was huge in my books.
This was the beginning of an interesting journey full of intrigue, suspense, happiness, sadness, drama, joy, comedy, destruction and the list of adjectives goes on and on....
Dateless in Ottawa
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