No surprise, I was feeling beyond disappointed and second guessing myself. So much for having a profile detailing what you're looking for. Was anyone even reading what I wrote? It was time to review my profile and make sure it wasn't misleading. Several friends took a peak and said they thought it was fine. They couldn't believe my stories and felt really bad for me, but encouraged me not to give up hope.
"Good things come to those who wait", they told me.
"Yeah, but bad things seem to come more often! Lol"
On to the examination:
When I created the profile, the system asked what my acceptable age range was. I chose 30-45 and it appeared on my profile, so I'm not sure why these much older men were contacting me. There were other questions too and here are my answers:
Would you date someone who smokes? No
Would you date someone who drinks regularly? No
Would you date someone who does drugs? No
Would you date someone that has children? Yes
What is your acceptable search radius? 50 km
Would you date someone with a body type of Big & Tall/BBW? Yes
Would you be open to having more children? Undecided
I thought I was clear, while demonstrating flexibility. No one is perfect, myself included, but we all have preferences and that's ok. As it relates to age, I was 35, so a 15 year age range seemed reasonable. I also took into consideration that my kids were young, I started a bit later than most. Guys nearing retirement aren't going to want to start all over again, I get it.
Body type; I much preferred a stalky guy to someone thin and being 5'7, I wanted someone tall. You could choose several options so I picked: average, a few pounds overweight, athletic and Big & Tall/BBW.
I had children, so how could I turn away someone that had children? If he didn't have kids that was fine too. If he didn't have kids and wanted to have one, I would consider it.
The smoking, drinking and drugs were deal breakers. Drinking socially was perfect, I had experienced living with an alcoholic and wasn't willing to do that again, drugs fell into the same category. Although later on I did date someone for a bit that smoked. I never would have known until I saw him light up one day. There was never a smell of smoke on him, his clothes or in his truck. As they say, "Never say never" you could be pleasantly surprised.
Distance for me was not a huge concern. I had already been in a long distance relationship. They can work provided both people are on the same page. In my case he cheated so that was the end. Having a vehicle, I didn't mind driving so a 50 km radius was more than generous and I hoped would open the door to a greater number of potential matches.
After reviewing my profile, I came to the conclusion that the problem was not the profile. The picture was recent and accurate, my description was honest and clearly defined who I was and what I was searching for.
To further clarify and avoid misinterpretations, I decided to add some definitions to my profile. They appeared under the "About You" section. Some might argue that this was a bit condescending on my part, but after reading my experiences to date, I think I was more than justified. I wasn't here to waste my time or anyone else's.
You would be:
Aged 30-45
Tall since I'm 5'7 and like to wear heels
Single - as in not married/common law, living with someone, engaged, dating someone, etc.
Honest - truthful, honorable in principles, intentions, and actions; upright and fair.
Faithful - loyal, true to one's word, promises, vows, etc.
Kind - considerate, helpful.
I crossed my fingers and clicked on "Update Profile" then logged out and decided to stay away for a few days. A break would give me time to clear my mind and come back with a more positive attitude.
Time for some sleep!
Dateless in Ottawa
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