Ok, of the ten emails I sent, only four of the guys replied. Three of them thanked me for my email and stated I was not their type and wished me luck on my search. At least they responded and were honest, I appreciated that. The fourth guy was rude and looking for a hook up so delete! Never heard from the other six, so I waited for my next round of matches.
As I was searching through profiles, an email arrived. It was an introductory message from a username I didn't recognize. Hence began my online dating journey via a paid site!
21. Superman
He was single, no kids, very tall, stalky with dark hair and working in construction. As I read through the rest of his profile and preferences, I noticed he was in New Jersey! How did he find my profile? He was way outside of my acceptable range. Friendship was always an option I would consider, so I responded.
His email was very polite so I thanked him for his email and asked him why he would write to someone in Canada. He hadn't even realized I was that far away. My profile was in his matches. He was single, never married and no kids, so long distance was not an issue for him and he'd be willing to travel. Family was important to him, he had a nephew and was close to his brother. Only his Mom was living and he saw her every week.
I enjoyed reading his emails, then he started calling. Later he suggested we Skype. Skype? What is that? I had no clue what that was and with dial up internet, it might not work. He walked me through it and we got it working, but my dinosaur of a computer did not have a camera so he couldn't see me. Well, when his image appeared on my screen, he didn't look anything like his picture. His cheeks were sunken in, he was balding on the sides, had dark circles under his eyes and he looked malnourished. I was shocked and asked him about the picture. He said it was a couple of years old when he was fat. Fat? In the picture he had the stalky build of someone who worked out regularly, definitely not fat. Since then he was obsessed with losing weight and eating healthy so that he'd never be fat again. He was eating 3-4 bananas a day and drinking lots of water and milk. For a guy who's 6'3 this sounded crazy. There was no way he was eating enough for his size let alone the type of work he was doing. He was a general labourer for a forming company, this was back breaking work! Great, a guy with an eating disorder. Worst part, he still thought he was fat.
We had great conversations, but at times he was a bit odd. Out of the blue he told me how he had planned our wedding. We'd be getting married on Halloween on the side of cliff near New York, followed by a masquerade reception where the guests would have to be dressed in costumes and wear masks. It was fun to dream, A+ for creativity, but maybe we should meet first??? I had no intention of moving to the US with my children. He believed I'd change my mind. He even had our house planned out. It was going to be a refitted Bowing 747. It would have three levels of living space with lots of room. He'd buy a piece of land outside of the city. I said it sounded really cool, but it was a bit unrealistic.
He called all upset one night saying I was costing him a fortune in long distance. He needed to pay his bills and although he had planned to come up for a visit, he'd been off work sick and couldn't afford to buy a plane ticket. His anger increased. One night I got angry and told him that I was also incurring long distance charges and didn't appreciate his attitude. He was well aware of where I lived from the beginning. He insisted on pursing this and offered to travel. Obviously he had other issues going on and I wasn't interested in playing games. A week later he wrote saying he had met his peach. Good riddance!
22. The Garage Door Installer
Another email came in. I could tell the picture on the profile was old, but how old could it be? He was a good writer and obviously read my profile. He was the same age as me, single, never married and no kids. He lived outside of the city. We emailed for a bit and then he asked for my number. We talked a few times and had great conversations. The country is what he loved, but said he was thinking of moving to the city for his business. He had lived on a dairy farm all of his life and had a garage door company on the side that his Dad helped him out with when it was busy. All of his siblings and friends were married with kids, so he was excited that I had children.
We decided to meet for dinner. He recognized me as soon as I arrived at the Red Lobster. I wouldn't have recognized him. He looked much older that his picture. I jokingly asked if the profile picture was from high school, to my surprise he answered yes. Strike one!
Soon after we got a table. During dinner he talked about buying a farm or going into a partnership with a friend. He lived over an hour outside of the city. Obviously he was planning on staying in the country. We talked about my job and the kids. He said we'd all be happier in the country, no way he was moving to the city. Not what he said previously. Strike two, deciding for me and my kids what would be better? With my job and university at night, I would not move to the country. Commuting for hours every day was out of the question. I had stated this in several conversations.
We finished dinner and I told him it was nice meeting him, but I didn't see any potential. We seemed to come from two completely different worlds. He loved the country and that's where his family and work was, I loved the city and I would not move to the country. I thanked him for dinner and wished him luck with his search.
23. Mr. Transport Canada
He sent a long introductory email. Obviously he was well-educated and a great writer. He said he was single and had a son from a previous relationship with shared custody. He had a government job and worked as a paralegal on the side. We emailed for a bit then talked on the phone.
We both studied law at Carleton, he had graduated a few years back. He asked if we could meet for coffee near work and I agreed. I was pleasantly surprised, he looked just like his picture! He was tall with dark hair and light eyes. I liked how he dressed and the whole opening doors certainly got my attention. The conversation flowed really well and the time flew by. I had to go to a meeting so he told me to give him a shout and we'd do dinner later in the week. That sounded great! Finally a promising candidate. As I was leaving the coffee shop, I ran into one of my best friends.
Me: "Hey, how's it going?"
Her: "Great you? What are you doing here?"
Me: "I just had a coffee date and it went really well."
Her: "That's great, is he still around? Who is he?"
Me: "Oh look, there he is."
Her: "The tall guy with the blue shirt?"
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "Oh no! He's married, he's very married. We work on the same floor. Here's his last name, check him out on Facebook. You'll see all the pictures of him with his wife and young son. I'm so sorry Sweety, gotta run I'm late for a meeting. Call me tonight, I'm really sorry!"
I wanted to throw up, I felt sick to my stomach.
OMG, are you kidding me? Do men have no shame? I guess it would be easy to lie and say he was having coffee with a client or co-worker. I felt so deflated, when just minutes ago I felt like I was on top of the world.
Talk about perfect timing. What are the odds my girlfriend would be outside the coffee shop just as we were leaving and know him? On a positive note, better to find out now rather than later!
Unbelievable! My theory was totally wrong. Free or paid, men will lie. What is a woman to do? Why are men so dishonest? Sooner or later the truth always comes out.
Home to lick my wounds and try to build up the courage to forge ahead. I never imagined it would be this difficult. Online dating sites would be an awesome tool if only people would be honest. How many more men would I have to meet before finding a decent one? Not sure how much longer I could do this, it's way too discouraging.
Well, there's always eHarmony. I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best!
Dateless in Ottawa
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