The search continues - "Expect nothing and you'll never be disappointed!"

When I initially set out on this journey, I told myself to apply what I had learned from my parents.  Whether in person or online, you are talking to human beings.  On any given day you can be walking down the street or at work and when someone says, "Hello" or "Hi" usually we respond.  Someone opens a door, you say thank you.  Regardless of the type of relationship, there's give and take.  Don't expect from others what you aren't capable of yourself.  All part and parcel of being a polite and respectful member of society.   

Sadly I was quickly learning that these simple basic standards didn't seem to apply in the world of online dating.  Hiding behind a computer screen makes it too easy to be rude and disrespectful.  Most do things they wouldn't do in person. 

I had received many messages with a simple "Hi" or "Hey".  Initially I thought it's a basic introduction, much like in person, but in the online world people could be sending hundreds of these quick and easy messages with minimal effort.  They didn't seem to care much about who they were sending the message to, just hoping to get a response, any response and then go from there.  Going forward all these Hi, Hey, or What's up messages were deleted.  If they weren't going to make an effort, neither was I.  I struggled with this because it's not my style, but once again when in Rome do as the Romans!

Safety was a huge concern especially after Mr. Former Football player.  Anytime I went on a date, I'd make sure a few friends had his name, number and the location where we were meeting.  They'd even call me if I didn't check in by the agreed upon time. 

On to Round 4???  My new philosophy "Expect nothing and you'll never be disappointed!" 

14. Mr. Frankenstein
He was the same age as me with 3 children.  Divorced and working as taxi dispatcher.  He was very tall, slim build and blond.  Not my usual preference, but I was going to give it a shot.  We had a lot in common; 90's music, movies and a love of cooking to name a few.  We quickly moved from email to the phone and had great conversations.  He had worked in many restaurants in Ottawa and Toronto.  He invited me to dinner.  I made dessert, lemon meringue pie, he took care of the main course.  I must admit it was the best steak ever.  One thing I found very odd was that his youngest slept in his walk-in closet.

He didn't look like his picture.  He was extremely tall, odd looking and reminded me of Frankenstein.  In a period of a few hours, he smoked an entire pack of cigarettes and drank a 24 of beer.  I was not impressed.  Every 15 minutes or so, he was in the washroom peeing like a race horse then smoking another cigarette.  We tried to watch a movie, but after numerous bathroom and cigarette breaks I'd had enough.  I got my things and left.  He seemed annoyed and shocked I was leaving, but turned and lit another cigarette.  I never heard from him again.   Not my loss!

15. Mr. Don Cherry
He was older and an identical twin.  I thought great, they'll be playing mind games with me!  He was single, never married and no kids.  He worked at the Corel Centre and coached boys' hockey.  He didn't drive and told me I'd have to give him 2 hours notice so that he could meet me.  When I asked if he had a driver's licence, he got all defensive and said it wasn't my business, he had his reasons.  Later on he also said he didn't drink so I kind of put one and one together. 

He sent a nice email, but he definitely wasn't a good writer.  A bit too flattering.  We emailed for a bit then talked on the phone.  He seemed obsessed with my profile picture.  He told me he made it his desktop photo and used if for his screen saver at work.  That creeped me out.  A couple of days later he emailed asking me to send him the picture right away.  Apparently his PC had crashed and he lost everything.  The kids had swimming that night so I didn't respond until I got home.  He'd left messages and send a few more emails all angry that I wasn't responding.  Accused me of ignoring him.  Seriously?  Here we go again!

He called and was very rude.  I told him I was too old for this level of immaturity and that frankly, this obsession with my picture was freaking me out.  This was not going to work, best of luck with your search.  He later sent me a nasty email accusing me of being a player.  I blocked him.  Next!

16. The Athlete
We were the same age and he had 2 young boys.  Divorced with joint custody.  He was in sales and travelled often with work.  He was tall, athletic and blond.  He coached his son's hockey team and played a variety of sports.  From the beginning he said he was tired of women that emailed endlessly with no intention of meeting.  I told him I was not interested in a pen pal, meeting sooner rather than later was my preference.  Well, weeks later and there was one excuse after another.  If it wasn't work, it was the kids, sports activities or family obligations.  I got fed up, it was obvious he was the one that had no intentions of meeting.  I wrote and told him I wasn't interested in an online email relationship and wished him luck with his search.  The same day I noticed he had deleted his profile.

17. Mr. Deep Mental Issues
This gentleman was Francophone and sent a nice email in French.  It was a nice surprise and he appreciated that I was able to respond in French.  His profile didn't have much in it, I figured it was because of his limited English.  He was a farmer, had never married and didn't have children, but came from a very large family and loved kids.

We met for coffee a few weeks later.  He didn't look like his picture.  For lack of better words, he looked very weathered, worn and much older than his picture.  He went on tell me more about his life.  For the last 2 years he'd been in treatment for deep mental issues. OMG!  He went into great details about his anger management issues and drug abuse.  He was being treated in Montreal and became romantically involved with his therapist.  She later broke it off as it was a conflict of interest and didn't want to put her career at risk.  He then stalked her for months and told me he was still in love with her.  There was a restraining order put in place so he moved to Ottawa.  Really???

I had heard enough.  I told him I had to leave to pick up the children.  He asked me if he could touch me, and I said no thank you.  I shook his hand and said good bye.  That was the end, I didn't hear from him again.

Ok, this was not good.  My self-esteem was plummeting.  Why was this happening?  My best friend came over and said that I must be picking the wrong guys.  She was going to do some searches to find men she thought would be suitable matches for me.  I gave her my username and password and told her to have fun.  At this point I had nothing to lose and she knew me well, so I had complete trust in her.  A few days later she came over with a list of usernames. 

But alas it's late, so sweet dreams everyone!

Dateless in Ottawa