Ok, so Match.com was Round 6 and eHarmony was Round 7. Oh my, already on Round 8!
As hard as it was, I told myself to remain positive and not take anything personally. Approach things with a sense of humour and don't have any expectations. I unhid my profile and the emails started to come in slowly.
25. Mr. BDSM
This guy was the same age as me. Blond, tall and worked as a travelling stage engineer. That was an unusual title. I asked him what he did and was surprised at his response. It was really cool, he travelled setting up the stages and lighting for acts like the Rolling Stones. Whether this was true or not, who knows but given all the details he provided it sounded legitimate. We emailed for a bit. The BDSM was in his profile, but I had no clue what it meant. I worked in government which is an acronym jungle so whatever. Later I learned this could have been a big mistake. I was still a bit too naïve for my own good.
He invited me for breakfast. He didn't look quite like his picture, but I was used to this and not overly surprised. We ordered our food and talked about our jobs. He'd never been married and had no kids. He said he was having a hard time finding someone he was compatible with. Weren't we all!
The food came and we ate. All of sudden, he took a thick black dog collar out of his pocket and put it on the table. It was quite nice with rhine stones, it would have looked great on a Doberman or Rottweiler.
Me: "Wow, that's really nice. Do you have a dog?"
Him: "Put it on."
Me: "What?"
Him: "Put it on."
Me: "You're funny. What kind of dog do you have?"
Him: "I'm serious, put it on."
Me: "No, not happening. I don't see a dog, do you see a dog?"
Him: "I'm serious, I told you to put it on."
He was starting to raise his voice and was getting very frustrated with my refusals. Other tables were looking at us. The waitress came over to ask if everything was ok. I said everything was fine.
Me: "I'm not putting it on. If you want someone to wear it, you put it on."
Him: "That's not the way it works. You have to do what I tell you, when I tell you. I'm the dominant and you take your orders from me. See this is the problem I have with women, they don't listen."
Me: "Well, A------ sorry to disappoint you, but I don't take orders from anyone. This is ridiculous, you ask someone you're meeting for the first time to put on a dog collar? Are you for real?"
Him: "My profile clearly states I'm BDSM."
Me: "Good for you, to each his own. I'm all for being playful with my partner and having fun, but this is going a bit overboard. You're a stranger and we're in a public place."
Him: "This isn't going to work. You need to obey me."
Me: "Unfortunately, I am not for you. Thanks for breakfast and best of luck with your search."
I called my best friend when I got home and told her what happened. She hung up on me and showed up at my door. We went onto my computer and she pulled up BDSM. OMG!!! So not what I expected. Definitely not a government acronym! She lectured me for what seemed to be hours. In future she was going to check out the profiles before I went out to meet anyone and if needed, follow me. These guys were getting more and more odd and she was very worried about me.
26. Mr. Dominant
I guess I was on a roll after the BDSM incident. This guy had a great profile. He was tall, dark and handsome, but a bit older. He was divorced and had older kids with visitation. The email started off fine, then turned into a quest for a submissive and a detailed explanation of what his expectations were and what my duties would be.
I could not contain my laugher. My response went something like this:
"Dear F---------,
Thanks for your email. Unfortunately I have no interest or desire to be anyone's submissive. Due to experiences with men from your school of thought, I have become far too independent and outspoken. As far as I am concerned, men should bow down to my commands. Best of luck with your search."
27. The Cyclist
He was divorced with 2 children. Had an insurance company and was very athletic. He looked Scandinavian with blond hair, light eyes and very tall. Not my usual preference. I gravitated more towards dark hair, but he sent a great introductory email. We communicated back and forth for a bit then he wanted to meet for lunch. Lunch went really well. We went out a few times after that.
There was always lots to talk about, but he was hard to get a hold of. He was fun and exciting. I asked him a few times how long he'd been single, but he would change the subject. He was an avid cyclist. He was part of a club and on weekends they cycled to Kingston and other cities. He was self-employed, but tended to want to meet during the day which was hard for me since I worked regular hours.
One thing led to another and we finally slept together. We clicked and enjoyed each other's company. We'd see each other when we could. One weekend we were supposed to go out to dinner. At the last minute he called to say he had a business dinner so he'd come over afterwards. He showed up at 11:00 pm and I was not impressed. He tried to make it up to me when his cell phone rang.
It was a woman and she was screaming. It didn't take long for me to figure out who was calling. It was his wife! She was yelling and asking him where the hell he was. They were leaving for the east coast in the morning and there was still packing to be done. The colour drained from his face. There was no way he was going to be able to lie his way out of this one. Now everything made sense. Only wanting to meet during the day, rarely available on weekends, last minute plans.....
OMG, I felt so used and so stupid.
Me: "Just leave and forget you ever met me. You need to get home to your wife and kids."
Him: "Don't be like that. I really do like you. We can keep having fun. My wife and I don't have sex anymore it's over, but I'm not going to lose everything I've worked for."
Me: "Get out!"
28. The Italian Stud
I received an email and recognized the guy in the picture. He'd gone to school with my sister. I thought maybe he had recognized me and was writing to say hello. Last I had heard, he was married with kids.
He was a good looking guy and popular in school. I wasn't prepared for the surprise awaiting me in the email. Apparently he'd always liked me, but married an Italian to please his parents. He wanted to get together and have fun because his marriage wasn't working out.
What? Another married one, unbelievable. At least I had to give this guy credit, he was being brutally honest. I said no thanks. Sadly I also knew his wife and I felt sorry for her. He begged me not to say anything to anyone we knew. I told him he should think twice before soliciting sex from someone who knows his family and has mutual friends, not very smart.
I'm shocked at how many married men are on these sites. What is even more shocking is how bad they are at lying. Simply rephrase a question and all of sudden you get a completely different answer and eventually, they screw up and the truth comes out. Within a short period of time, I came across 11 of these lying assholes. Funny how when the wives find out their husband is cheating, they blame the other woman and accuse her of being a home wrecker. Really??? The fact that your husband has a profile on a singles online dating site, lies about being divorced and probably sleeps around with several different women while leading them on doesn't seem to factor into the equation. We wouldn't want to cloud the issue with facts, now would we?
There were more emails with men looking for hook ups. What part of long-term did they not understand? Oh well, time to change my profile again. Maybe I needed to be more of a bitch to get my point across. Being nice, funny and honest wasn't working so why not. Stay tuned!
Dateless in Ottawa
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