Match.com kept sending me matches, but again many were way outside of my acceptable range. I called several times to complain, but nothing changed. I felt a refund was in order given that they did not live up to their promises, but based on how their rules were set-up I didn't qualify. No matter how much I disputed it and explained how the matches were not within the range I specified at the beginning, it was obvious they were never going to admit to having a flawed system. Perhaps it was done on purpose so they wouldn't have to give refunds. So much for relying on celebrity endorsements.
eHarmony was different, it was far more structured. I found the process way too slow. There was a weekend where members were allowed to communicate for free and they sent me six profiles. Low and behold, four of them were from Lavalife using the exact same profile pictures. I had already exchanged emails with two of them so there was no point in wasting my time on them. There was one that sounded interesting, so I chose to send him an email. The correspondence dragged on for a couple of weeks until we were finally able to communicate directly with each other.
24. The 40 Year Old Virgin
He was tall, had three university degrees and worked for the government. He had never been married. Was once engaged and then on his mother's advice broke it off. She felt he wasn't ready and since then he'd been single. He seemed very intellectual and was looking into yet another degree. His brother and friends were all married with children so he didn't go out much. Some of the questions he asked were odd. He wanted to know whether I would seek counselling to resolved relationship issues, if so it would demonstrate I would work on problems rather than run away. This made sense. I mentioned we should meet for coffee, he said he'd ask his mother to see what she thought.
What? Was he kidding me? Ask his Mom? And I thought my parents were strict! I was starting to get the feeling this was a Norman Bates scenario. Most conversations started with what he had done with his mother on the weekend or for dinner the previous night. It was odd and outside of the norm for me. I then decided to be bold and asked him if he'd ever had sex given that he was engaged at one point. He sounded appalled and insulted. He said he was looking for someone chaste and pure. I doubled over with cramps from laughing so hard, I thought I was going to pee myself. Was he serious? No way! OMG he was serious and a virgin. My response went something like this:
Dear P_______, my profile clearly stated that I had three young children. Ages 6, 5 and 3. No where did I state they were adopted and as we discussed, I was in a relationship with their father for over ten years. Any person, even of average intelligence would have to come to the conclusion or assume that I've had sex at least three times. How you could assume I was still a virgin is beyond me. I'm sorry, but I do not see a potential relationship with you nor do I believe I could compete with your mother. Best of luck with your search.
OMG, I was blown away. Never would I have expected to meet a 40 year old man who was still a virgin. I can't imagine ever having to show a man what he has to do. In a new relationship I agree that both people have to explore and get to know each other, but in this case he couldn't even talk about sex. For me the man should be the experienced one. Surprise, surprise, just when you think you've seen and heard it all.
I did receive a few more matches, but several were unemployed or simply weren't my type. This was not going to work. The amount of time it took to be able to communicate directly with another member was far too long only to find out they were not a good match. I wasn't willing to waste this much time on each match. Not to mention, the longer you were a member the more it cost you. Great marketing strategy for a business, but not for me.
I deleted my profile on eHarmony and on Match.com. If I wanted entertainment and abuse, I wasn't going to pay for it when I could get it for free on other sites. Someone mentioned there was another site that was really popular, Plenty of Fish. What an appropriate name! I'd take my chances and hope for the best on the free sites. After all, the same men were on all the sites whether paid or free!
I read some Online Dating articles in magazines. I was surprised to learn that at that time, there were 5 women for every single man in Ottawa. Lovely stats. No wonder they could afford to lie and play the field, they had the advantage. Other articles said you may have to meet 70 or as many as 100 people before finding "the" one. My goodness 100??? How much disappointment can one person handle? This was terrible for one's self-esteem and ego. I'd have to figure out how to grow a thick skin or develop spidey senses like Spiderman.
Back to the drawing board. My options were limited so I decided to revisit my profile, go back to Lavalife and check out Plenty of Fish. I refused to believe there weren't any nice guys left. There had to be a few and I would find them eventually, or better yet maybe one would find me!
Dateless in Ottawa
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