Exams went well and I was happy to be finished until the Fall. My girlfriend came over all excited with a list of usernames. She had already initiated contact and they responded, I just had to keep the momentum going and hopefully meet them. Given that she knew me well, I think she did a great job as their profiles would have stood out for me too.
OK, Round 5!
18. The Farmer/Construction Worker
Of all the users my girlfriend suggested, this one seemed to be the best match. He was single, no kids and lived close by. We emailed for a bit and then he asked if he could call me. The first conversation lasted for hours. He worked for a company that had several government contracts and I was familiar with most of the buildings and work being done because I worked for the department that put the contracts in place. He had a great sense of humour and we had similar family backgrounds. Turns out my girlfriend's colleagues knew him well and spoke very highly of him. Suddenly after a few weeks, he disappeared. He called out of the blue one day and apologized. An uncle had passed away and he had to take care of some family issues, but would like to continue where we left off and meet.
I let it go. We talked for a while and then met for dinner. The entire night was filled with laughter and we talked about different projects he was working on and people we knew. He was very charming. About a week later, he disappeared again, then a third time. At that point I thought enough is enough. He was obviously playing games. I'm all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, but this was too much. I sent him an email asking him not to contact me again.
19. The Photographer
This profile wasn't as appealing to me, but my girlfriend insisted I had to try. He was a bit older, said he was a photographer for a law enforcement agency, was divorced and had an older daughter. He was pleasant, but certainly not a writer so we moved to the phone a bit more quickly. Just so happened I had a wedding coming up and I needed a date. What's that expression, baptism by fire? Great way to test someone. It was a close friend of the family and it was going to be a large affair. I had already had a bad reaction to asking someone to be my date for a wedding, but hey I didn't want to go alone. He was caught off guard. Sounded like he'd never been to a wedding, especially not a large European wedding. He was very indecisive. Finally he agreed. When he showed up he wasn't dressed as we had discussed, but whatever.
Just so happened that a close friend of the family recognized him. They hung out for part of the night so I was glad my date had someone to talk to while I socialized with my friends. Later, my friend pulled me aside and filled me in on my date. They had worked together for a few years. Low and behold, he was not a photographer for the agency, he was a mail clerk that did all kinds of odd jobs and once in a while they'd ask him to take a picture. He was socially awkward, but a nice guy. Bad divorce and issues with his daughter.
I thought great, this will be interesting. He had disappeared for a while, so I went looking for him. He was out front smoking. For me, this was a deal breaker. According to his profile he was a non-smoker. He looked like a little boy that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Oh well. We had cake and coffee and headed home. He wanted to stop and have a drink, but I said no.
Then he started calling regularly trying to make plans. I politely said I didn't think we were a good match. He insisted that we could just be friends and hang out once in a while, I was a good person and he wanted to keep me in his life. Friends can be a good thing, but when they start trying to control your calendar and get mad when you say you're busy, we have a bit of a problem. Sadly I had to get firm and ask him to stop contacting me. Thankfully he respected my wishes.
20. Mr. Freedom
He was roughly the same age as me, divorced, one son with visitation privileges. His ex-wife had remarried. He moved to Ottawa to start a new life. He said he was a social worker and did odd jobs on the side. We emailed and then talked on the phone. He loved Vietnamese food so suggested we meet for Pho. I agreed. Originally he suggested China Town, but then said he currently didn't have a vehicle so I suggested a place closer to where he lived to make it easier.
That day there was a car accident so I called him right away to let him know I'd be late. I was 20 minutes late and felt horrible. I apologized profusely. It was pouring rain that night. He was wearing a rain jacket with a hood. We went inside and sat down. All I could smell was cigarettes. Then I looked over and noticed he had several sores on his face. He was also sick with a bad cold. Unbelievable! This was not going well.
I soon learned that he wasn't working, hadn't for about 3 years. He said he was "enjoying his freedom." The whole time he talked about his ex and how she was now married to a police officer and had everything she wanted. I knew all about her and her husband, way too much information. Years ago he burned out doing social work and then started doing odd repair jobs to pay the bills which wasn't enough. His wife got fed up and left. He was extremely angry and bitter, especially when she got full custody. They had a 13 year old son he hadn't seen in some time. He was currently renting a room and on meds, I didn't dare ask for what. I think he read the expression on my face and knew exactly what I was thinking. He got angry.
Him: "You're probably just like my ex. High maintenance, you want it all and nothing is good enough for you."
Me: "Excuse me? You lied on your profile. You are not working, haven't in 3 years, you smoke and you don't have a car. I work, pay my bills and don't need to lie."
Him: "Well you were late, made me stand outside waiting for almost half an hour. I'm enjoying my freedom. If I wanted to work I have lots of rich Jewish friends in the catering business that would hire me in a second!"
Me: "I called you over an hour in advance to tell you I'd be late and apologized. You could've waited inside, but you were too busy smoking outside. I'm happy you're enjoying your freedom and not seeing your son. For me, my priority is my children and moving forward in life. I wish you well with your search."
Him: "The least you can do is pay for your food."
Me: "No worries, I fully intend to. Save your money for your son! Good bye!"
I felt bad he had to walk in the pouring rain, but he was an asshole and I wasn't doing him any favours.
20. The Engineer
This guy was a great writer. He obviously put a lot of time and effort into the email and he definitely read my profile. He was bit older, divorced with 2 kids. On the profile under occupation it said he was an engineer. They had joint custody, but his daughter would be 18 soon. The only draw back was that he lived a little over an hour outside of the city. We quickly moved from email to the phone. He was intelligent and could carry on a conversation on pretty much any topic. He had a dry sense of humour, but he was very thoughtful and polite. I told him about my job. At the time he was consulting for a few high tech companies and said he loved engineering. I asked, if he was an engineer and he said yes.
We agreed to meet for coffee at Bayshore. He was late and on his way in he stopped at a table with two ladies sitting at it and introduced himself. It was really odd.
Him: "Hi there, sorry I'm late. I stopped and said hello to your girlfriends on my way over to you."
Me: "Those aren't my girlfriends."
Him: "Sure they are, don't all women have friends accompany them just in case?"
Me: "No, not me. I'm in a public place so it's all good."
We had a good time and he insisted on seeing me again soon. He was extremely tall, 6'5! In a crowd he looked like a giant. We talked about work, family, travel, cooking....there were a few common interests. The following week we saw a movie, then went for coffee. He was nice, I saw potential. He talked about engineering projects and was looking for another job as alimony was killing him. We went out a few more times and one night I asked him why he didn't wear his iron ring on his pinky like all engineers do.
Him: "I'm not an engineer, I'm an engineering technologist. We're the ones that do all the work and make the engineers look good."
Me: "Oh, well I specifically asked you if you were an engineer and you said yes. "
Him: "Sweetheart, you must have misunderstood."
Me: "No, I asked you "Are you an engineer?" to which you responded Yes."
He went into a long rant on how much harder he works.....blah, blah, blah. Whatever. All that matters to me is that my mate is gainfully employed and loves what he does. Anyways, I take my time and don't jump into anything too quickly, not surprising up to this point. After a few weeks he was getting frustrated and said he couldn't figure out how I was feeling. Things needed to speed up a little. Fair enough, I agreed so he invited me over to his place for dinner.
All day he kept calling asking when I'd be there. It was flattering, but finally I asked him to stop calling I'd be there at 6:00 as agreed. Well, anything that could go wrong did go wrong. When I arrived he was drenched in sweat. He had a plumbing issue, then his son called and needed something and dinner was way behind schedule. I told him to relax, there was no rush. Well he burned the gravy, then his daughter called. Her car broke down and she needed Dad to go help her. He told her to call her mother and she said Mom was out of town with her boyfriend for the weekend. Well, that didn't go over very well. He lost his temper and went on about how she can't be leaving the kids alone, where is your brother? Where did your mother go? You're ruining my night...
He hung up and I told him to go help his daughter, I'd stay home and finish dinner. We would eat when he got back. The roast was over done and the rest of the night was a disaster. He was extremely upset and started drinking so I told him I was going home.
The following night he called to apologize. We agreed to meet for lunch on Monday. He didn't show up, so I called him. He said after thinking long and hard, he wasn't over his wife and no where near ready for a new relationship. I hung up without saying a word.
NEXT!
I decided my girlfriend's choices were no better than mine. We weren't picking the wrong guys, they were lying. She felt horrible, but it wasn't her fault. Oh well, time to call a few more girlfriends, have a few drinks and laugh at my expense.
Tomorrow is another day, maybe I'll do better with Match or eHarmony.
Dateless in Ottawa
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