So after careful consideration and weighing my options, online dating seemed to be the best route. As they say "You have to get back on the horse that threw you". I was wiser. Time to tweak my profile, expand my interests (I added things like Ballet, Opera, etc.) and added a section on what I was looking for in a man in an attempt to discourage those simply looking for games or sex. Ok, I hit update and unhid my profile. Within minutes the emails started to come in. I felt like a piece of meat floating in a river filled with piranhas. I braced myself!
Thus began Round 2 of my online dating adventures!
4. The Doctor
This was by far the best email I've ever received, it was almost 2 pages long. He was 67, widowed, very tall and a retired doctor. For the last 5 years he had been caring for his sick wife. We shared many common interests such as travel, The Ballet, Opera, trying new restaurants, etc. He was an excellent writer. They had not been able to have children, so he had very little family remaining.
As much as there were common interests, he was more than 30 years my senior. Older than my Dad! We were in completely different stages of life. He'd never had kids and I couldn't imagine him wanting to assume responsibility or even being able to keep up with 3 little ones now aged 6, 5 and 3! He sounded like a wonderful man who simply wanted to live after years of caring for his sick wife. I understood the position he was in as Dad was in the same boat, the only difference being Dad had his children and grandchildren to keep him company and bring him joy.
I responded a few days later. I struggled to find the right words. I was deeply touched by his email and didn't want to offend him, nor did I want to waste his time. My email started off by thanking him for such a beautiful email. Later I asked what a man at his stage of life would find appealing about a young woman with 3 very young children. After a long and successful career you'd think he'd be travelling the world and doing things on a whim. I was just starting my career and completing my university degree. The older children were in school so travelling was not something that we could do at the drop of a hat. There was daycare, swimming lessons and the list went on. I thanked him again for his beautiful email and concluded that I didn't see any potential given the large age gap, different life stages and my young children. In closing, I wished him all the happiness in the world and I hoped he would find the woman that would make him happy.
The same day I received a scathing response to my email, he was angry and insulted. That was not my intention and I felt bad, but there was nothing more to be said.
Delete! Next!
5. The Head of a Tribe in Congo
Yes, you read that correctly. As soon as I saw the picture, I knew I was in for a treat. He was 68, had 12 wives and 27 children or maybe that was grandchildren??? He was very flattering, even in broken English. Said he needed another wife to have more children and wanted to come to Canada. He was wealthy and had many, many goats. I had to marry him because I was beautiful and would give him many more children who would take care of him and his lands.
Wow! How does someone in Congo even find my profile? I rolled on the floor laughing, was this for real? Did the changes I made to my profile make me sound like I was in my fifties? 67, now 68, what next? I wasn't looking for a sugar daddy or worse, a grandfather! These guys were older than my Dad! The profile picture was of an old is guy, wearing a crown sitting on a throne. Given his size, I'm quite sure he'd require assistance getting around. Best way to describe his body type would be extremely heightened look of prosperity. Yes, I'm trying to be politically correct.
Delete! Next!
6. The Pastor
Another well written email. He was 42, divorced with a 7 year-old daughter. The usual MO, tall, dark and attractive, to me anyways. He had joint custody and they alternated weeks. His daughter had decided a year ago she wanted to be a vegetarian so he followed suit. To each his own. The email was thoughtful and well written. He obviously read my profile and we had a few similarities. Children was not an issue for him, he welcomed the idea as he'd always wanted more. He was a pastor. We emailed back and forth for a bit and then moved to the telephone. The conversations flowed and he had a good sense of humour. After about a week, he suggested a dinner date and I accepted.
When trying to choose a restaurant, he had many restrictions. I personally eat just about anything so told him he should pick. He then went on a long rant about what happens when he consumes meat. He detailed the effects of all kinds of meat; beef, chicken, pork and lamb being by far the worst, on his digestive system. These effects could last for days. OMG, way too much information. I tried to be polite and told him he could spare me the details, but he insisted on continuing getting more and more graphic. After a while I couldn't take it anymore. I stopped him and said that on second thought, I was going to decline his invitation.
After hearing all the gory details about the effects of meat on his system, I couldn't picture myself sitting across a table from him. All night I'd be visualizing his graphic descriptions, I wouldn't be able to eat! Furthermore, I was not going to give up meat so potential quickly dropped to zero. I thanked him for his time and wished him well on his search. He seemed a bit miffed, but I wasn't going to settle.
Ok, three more strikes. What was I doing wrong? I sent my profile to a few friends and they asked co-workers and their boyfriends to have a look and provide feedback. Did I have to make more changes? I patiently waited for their suggestions. In the meantime I got a few more rude emails and sex propositions which I deleted. It was starting to become painfully obvious that it doesn't matter what your profile says, some men will try anyways.
Tomorrow is another day!
Dateless in Ottawa
This blog is awesome! Aside from the traumatic trials and tribulations, of course.
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