After Mr. Grizzly, I took a break from dating. The last year had been a lot of fun. Thankfully I was able to close most of the files related to my late husband. Work was going well, the kids were excelling at school and no longer needed counselling and I could honestly say I had successfully managed to crawl out of the deep dark hole I'd been living in for far too long. My family and friends were amazing and extremely supportive. Slowly I was able to ask for help when I needed it which made a big difference in reducing my stress levels. Often I'd feel guilty or like I was burdening others with my responsibilities, but relationships are give and take. I always jumped at an opportunity to help someone and it made me feel good. This is what others felt when they help me.
As much as most aspects of my life were going well, I felt incomplete. I still had a hard time going to bed at night. When people asked what I missed most, I'd say the companionship, the intimacy, feeling like someone had my back and would protect me. Many didn't understand this because with four kids they figured I was never alone and I should be far too busy to have time to miss much. This wasn't the case. I've always been quite independent and organized, but I didn't have a choice. I did what had to be done.
For years I was a restaurant widow while my ex often worked 20 hour days at his businesses. My husband worked in another province and was away from home 6-8 months of the year. I had to be strong, organized and independent. Growing up Dad travelled a lot for work and Mom managed just fine. It's funny because Mom didn't drive or speak English, but she successfully got to where she needed to go whether by bus or taxi and managed appointments and all shopping. For me, this was normal. Some of my friends didn't understand. They were more needy and dependent, if their husbands were away for more than a day they'd shrivel up and die. Often times I'd say, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Lol
Well, I definitely didn't want to be alone so it was time to create a new profile and put myself out there again. Just thinking about it stressed me out. After reading a few articles I was ready to throw in the towel before even starting!
Tips for writing a good profile:
- shouldn't be too long, but not too short either (what is an acceptable length???)
- should describe you accurately, but be careful not to provide too much information (avoid negative traits - no, really?)
- be honest and try not to embellish (so much for marketing yourself in the best possible light!)
- avoid using negative comments (hard for those feeling jaded)
- username should be catchy, funny and highlight your personality (no x-rated or suggestive names)
- keep interests simple (don't want to sound too cerebral or boring)
- don't post more than 3 pictures and they should all be of you only (a head shot, a full body shot and a pic of you doing an activity you enjoy. Very important: no bathroom selfies!!! Lol)
- avoid endless lists of the qualities your mate must have (the profile should focus on you and what you have to offer)
- don't use emoticons or abbreviations
- create some mystery and intrigue
and the list goes on.......sigh
Holy smokes! Could this get any more complicated? This was becoming a bit too scientific and mathematical for me. I sucked at math in school and hated physics, so this was not good. I was already technologically challenged, I didn't need anymore impediments! Should I post on a Friday instead of a Wednesday? Night vs. Day, Summer vs. Winter? OMG!
Suggestions and advice varied greatly depending on the author or who you spoke to. Was I really ready to dive back into online dating? Think about it, in life are we ever truly ready for anything? We can plan to a point, but life is full of surprises many of which are completely out of our control. As life happens, we simply have to adapt. I decided the best approach would be to read some profiles for ideas and go from there. Afterwards I'd draft my profile and send it to my friends for their opinions and advice.
Enough for tonight, I have to leave you in suspense!
Dateless in Ottawa
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