I slowly started doing advanced searches and read through profiles from the search results. I also checked out the weekly matches POF sent me. Some seemed way off, others looked good. I must say some profiles left me out of breath. How can any one person do so many activities and have any time to eat let alone sleep or date? Skydiving, P90-X, ultimate frisbee, organized sports several days a week, running, biking....holy smokes when do you work or make time to socialize? If it's this hard to keep up with you simply reading your profile, I don't think I'd be able to keep up in person. Then again, I've met these so called athletic guys like Mr. Former Football Player and Mr. Karate who were referring to their high school selves dating back more than 20 years!
I'm all for putting my best foot forward, but some of these were over the top. Was simple and down to earth too much to ask for? After reading through several profiles, I found a few that stood out. They seemed like regular every day guys with careers and kids, very similar to me and exactly what I was looking for. One thing I double and triple checked was their marital status. Not that there was any guarantee they were being honest given how many married men I'd met in the past!
Time to start composing emails. I had my top 5 profiles and carefully crafted thoughtful emails incorporating things from their profiles. I wanted to demonstrate that I had read the entire profile and paid attention to details while highlighting interests I felt we had in common. For me it was important to inject a bit of humour and make myself stand out. I'm sure guys receive many of the generic "hi" or "hello" emails, I was going to be different.
I wrote several emails and sent them off. Now I'd have to play the waiting game to see how many responses I'd receive, if any. I polled a couple of friends on how many responses they received from the introductory emails they sent and I was very disappointed by the stats. One friend sent out 28 emails and only received 1 response. Others were deleted without being read or they didn't get a response at all. That's so sad. Why are people so rude? Another friend said he'd never received a response to any of his emails. I can't imagine anyone is getting hundreds of emails a day and can't respond to a well written and polite email. I get it, at times we're busy and can't be bothered with these "hi" emails where the sender made no effort whatsoever. Rude ones we simply delete, but when someone puts in the effort have the common courtesy to at the very least acknowledge the email even if it means sending a simple no thanks or I don't think we'd be a match.
Finally after several days, I received a response. The gentleman was very complimentary. He thanked me for my email and said he enjoyed reading my profile, but was currently seeing someone from POF and wished me luck with my search. Another guy simply wrote, "Your not my type" (he needs to use spell check! Lol). At least they responded and I appreciated the compliments and their honesty. As for the rest, no response. Wow, now I understood what guys went through. I found not getting a response was the equivalent of being rejected. This was not fun. The burden shouldn't fall solely on the men. At the end of the day we play a role in how our life will turn out. If we sit, complain and do nothing, we'll have nothing. When you want something, you have to go after it. Anything worth having doesn't comes easy, so I wasn't going to give up. I did a few more searches and wrote down the usernames of the profiles that piqued my interest. When I had a chance, I'd draft some emails to send to them.
In the meantime, another email came in. This officially launched Round 16!
8. The Translator
He sent a very nice introductory email. He was single, a bit older, with no children and lived in Montreal half the time. He was average height with dark hair and dark eyes. Very different from my usual preference, he had long hair. The profile said he was a translator. We emailed a couple of times and he asked about my job. He was very intrigued and invited me for coffee to talk about it more. He had a great French accent and a deep voice.
We met in the market. It was strange that he arrived in a taxi when the profile said he had a vehicle. Oh well, maybe it's in the garage for repairs? He was shorter than he had stated on his profile and looked older. We went inside and he ordered his coffee and dessert. All of sudden I see him pay, take his order and go sit down. Was this guy for real? He didn't just pay for his order and leave me standing there?!? Pretty pathetic when a guy can't afford to buy coffee for a lady when he asked her out. The cashier was surprised too, but I guess she sees all types. For a moment I hesitated and thought how rude. I was very tempted to leave, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all I had already paid for parking and had a sitter so may as well make the best of it. I ordered my coffee, paid and went to find him. That was 2 red flags, but who's counting.
I must admit we had one of the best conversations ever. He was very knowledgeable in the type of work I did and all the intricacies. His translation work had him involved in some aspects of the work I did and he had travelled extensively throughout Europe. When I questioned him about his work and translating, the tone changed. He admitted he hadn't worked as a translator in over 2 years. Excuse me??? Currently he was a full-time student in Montreal and came to Ottawa once a week to work as a teaching assistant as a part of the requirements for his program. So much for living in Ottawa half time and having a vehicle. It took all of 20 minutes to get the truth out of him. Unbelievable! I was less than impressed. No wonder he can't afford coffee, he hasn't worked in over 2 years! I think he sensed my disappointment and said he had to go. He had an early bus back to Montreal and needed sleep. Whatever. We walked out, he jumped into a taxi and was gone. Talk about total lack of chivalry, didn't even offer to walk me to my car. Do these guys truly believe they'll get away with all their lies? Bon voyage! Not long after I noticed he deleted his profile.
Not sure what's worse, getting rejected by email or going out with someone who misrepresented himself and blatantly lied about pretty much everything in his profile. What a waste of time. The truth always comes out so why lie? I don't think I'll ever understand.
Round 16 will continue in the next post!
Dateless in Ottawa
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