The Grizzly was different. He was kind, compassionate, generous and had an incredible sense of humour. Most often I was the brunt of the jokes, but that's ok because I laughed so hard my face hurt. Growing up my Mom often joked that I should've been a blond. Oh well, as long as everyone had fun, that's all that mattered. I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed so much, it felt good.
He'd pop by work when he was in the neighbourhood or we'd meet up and grab a quick lunch. We enjoyed each other's company and had fun no matter what we did. Every outing was an adventure. I never knew what was going to happen. People were always in stitches and laughing.
After a few weeks I decided to ask him out for dinner. It was a girlfriend's birthday and her 25th anniversary so we were throwing them a surprise party. Talk about putting someone in a stressful situation! The first time out together and my closest friends were going to be there. He was taken aback and said he'd let me know. He called me back almost immediately and said he'd go, I was surprised I thought for sure it was to say no. We went out several times after that, every date being an unpredictable adventure.
Slowly we went through all of my late husbands things and got rid of them. The majority sold at two garage sales we had at his place, some through his contacts, other things through people I knew, some on E-Bay and the rest through a gunsmith.
The hunting stuff is what we tackled first. There were 2 truck loads. He was blown away. You'd think my husband had been preparing for a zombie apocalypse! I didn't realize how much stuff there was, it was far worse than I thought. There were firearms, ammunition, supplies, camouflage clothing....OMG it was insane. There was enough stuff to open a store! For the big biggest firearm, it took over a year to sell it. The gunsmith said it was an incredible piece and extremely expensive, but not something in high demand. Only an avid gun collector would buy such a high end piece and there weren't too many of those. I'd never get what it was truly worth so I'd have to accept whatever offer was made. I was extremely relieved when it finally sold, it was a like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Finally I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
The Grizzly was great for my self-esteem and the laughter made me realize how much I had been missing out on over the last year having been so deeply consumed with grief. I felt alive and started living again. He was incredible with the children. They warmed up to him immediately. Whether it was carving pumpkins, shopping, pulling pranks on me, ice fishing or baking, there was never a dull moment. I think we brought as much joy into his life, as he did into ours. I'll write about some of our unique dates and adventures in another post.
Sadly a few months later it was painfully obvious that this could never be more than a friendship. He had many unresolved issues from his past relationship. His ex and her daughters had done quite a number on him and he was always fearful that history would repeat itself. He suffered from panic attacks that would come on without warning and this wasn't healthy for him or the children. It left us feeling as though we'd done something wrong. The logistics of potentially moving was another impediment. I was not going to move anytime soon. The children had lived through too many changes already and I wasn't willing to put them through another one. We were settled and comfortable. Having arrived at a stale mate, friendship was the only choice.
I had hidden my profile a few weeks after I met Mr. Grizzly. Having met him on POF proved that there were still some nice guys out there. When I was ready, I'd try again. For now I had more than enough to keep me busy with the kids and work. There were also still many outstanding items with my late husband's estate. New unexpected surprises continued to surface requiring more paperwork. When would this end?
Tomorrow is another day!
Dateless in Ottawa
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