Do any of us know with 100% certainty what we want? Today I might think I want something long-term, but maybe next week I'll change my mind and decide I just want to date. Three months from now who knows? If the right person comes along, someone who was simply looking to date may decide they want a committment. It's not easy, but at the end of the day try to be as honest as possible on what your intentions are so you don't set unrealistic expectations or lead others on.
Depending on the site, there are numerous options for "Intent." Also several variations on the wording; "What I'm looking for", "Relationship goal", "Looking for" or "My long term goal", etc... Basically this defines the reason why you have a profile on an online dating site.
Options include:
1. Friends
- A couple of guys that wrote to me using this option were new in town and wanted to meet new people, create new friendships and simply get out and do activities.
- I also had a couple of women contact me stating the same. Weird to find an email in your inbox from a woman when you stated you were seeking a man, but it's all good.
- You'll also get men using this option when in reality what they really want is a "friends with benefits" arrangement. A+ for creative interpretation skills.
2. Hang out
- Funny, there used to be one called "Intimate Encounters". I think it's safe to assume it was renamed and this is the final product. To be blunt, this is for those simply looking for sex. Other adjectives could include hook-ups, one night stands...I think you get the picture!
3. Pen pal
- Don't see this one much anymore, but I say it should be reinstated given how many people email and text endlessly with no intention of meeting.
4. Casual dating/no commitment
- People looking for an activity partner with no strings attached. From my experience, usually also means they're looking for sex. Please see #2.
5. Dating/nothing serious
- I don't understand the difference between #'s 4 and 5. As far as I'm concerned they're one and the same. While you're at it, refer to #2. The only difference I can see is that the wording sounds more politically correct.
6. Short-term
- Always wondered what this one meant until a guy emailed. He was being temporarily transferred to Ottawa to work on a project for several months. He wanted to find someone to spend time with, but travelled extensively and never knew where he'd be sent next so was not interested in making long-term plans.
7. Long-term
- I've met many men who chose this category and very few were honest. In fact, the majority were also married! I think this is a popular one men choose because they assume this is what most women want, so they'll be more appealing when women scroll through profiles.
- This should be for those who are seriously looking for a long-term, exclusive and committed relationship.
8. Marriage
- Pretty much the same as #7, but with a heightened level of commitment.
- This person wants a long-term, exclusive and committed relationship with a forever element. For some, marriage is the ultimate commitment and they need to have that piece of paper.
I can come up with a few other great options, but I'll hold back. When you're not sure what you want, I recommend you stick with #5. You can update your profile at any time and as often as you want. Try to be considerate of others and be honest about your feelings.
Choose wisely and good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
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