Given all the experiences to date, it was really taking a huge toll on me emotionally. As hard as I tried to remain positive, it was almost impossible. I had met a couple of nice guys, but the overwhelming majority were dishonest. There were many more I didn't talk about who sent rude emails or seemed to email endlessly only to suddenly delete their profiles and disappear. Hiding behind a computer makes it far too easy for people to be dishonest and disrespectful towards others.
I decided I'd try one more time. I work hard and don't give up easily, but this was becoming too damaging to my self-esteem. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from perfect, but I don't feel I deserved to be treated this way. When the negative far outweighs the positive, it's time to throw in the towel.
Round 11!
38. Mr. Pepsi
He was single, never married and no kids. He was extremely tall at 6'6". At the time he was working as a Pepsi delivery guy and a bouncer at a club part-time. His father had passed away the year before, so he moved his mother in with him. She had some health issues, but was perfectly able to care for herself. He had an older brother and sister, both married with kids, but decided he was in a better position to care for her. I admired him for that. Women seemed to have an issue with his mother living with him so he was having a hard time finding someone. Online dating had not been fun for him either. Because of his height, he felt like a bit of a freak show.
His introductory email was nice and complimentary. It sounded genuine, but I just didn't trust my instincts anymore. Eventually we moved from email to the phone and he was very funny. We both looked forward to talking after a long day at work. After a while he asked if I wanted to get together, I could pick where and what I wanted to do. I suggested a round of pool and he thought that would be great. We made plans for the following week and talked almost every day.
The day we were supposed to meet, I didn't hear from him. Why bother going, so I could look even more pathetic sitting there waiting for someone who wasn't going to show up? Nope, I'll pass. Here we go again, another guy who bails with no explanation. This was a common occurrence. Next!
* Update - sorry I thought of another story so I'll insert it here and change the numbering slightly.
39. Mr. Widowed
His profile said he was widowed with a 14 year-old daughter. He was a bit older and working as a building maintenance technician. We emailed then talked on the phone. For a first date we had drinks and appetizers at the Hard Rock Café. It was a nice night and not too busy. Afterwards we went for a walk in the market.
We talked about work and our kids. I didn't feel right brining up his late wife, but eventually he did. I asked if she'd been ill for long and whether he was able to keep her at home. He looked puzzled.
Him: "We hadn't been together in 12 years. We divorced when our daughter was 2 and had joint custody. I was living with someone else."
Me: "So why does your profile say you are widowed?"
Him: "I am widowed."
Me: "If you weren't together for the last 12 years and you were living with someone else, how could you possibly be widowed? Widowed means your wife passed away, but you guys weren't even together."
Him: "Well she didn't change her will and I got everything so I'm widowed."
Me: "Wasn't she living with someone else?"
Him: "Yes."
Me: "Sorry, this makes no sense. Yes, your the father of the child you had together, but the gentleman she was living with is the widower not you."
Him: "What difference does it make, it's my daughter so I'm widowed."
Me: "At the end of the day you're not being honest. Due to an error you received her estate which should go to your daughter and her husband, but you are not a widower. You had been apart and in different relationships for 12 years! That's dishonest are you looking for sympathy or a woman to feel sorry for you? Single would be a more appropriate and honest choice. Sad that her husband got nothing when it was him she was with the longest."
Him: "What difference does it make?"
Me: "For me honesty and integrity are extremely important. Morally and ethically what you did was wrong and saying you are widowed is dishonest, regardless of the circumstances. Gloating about getting her estate is even more unappealing to me. I wish you luck with your search."
Unbelievable, what an idiot. I could tell he understood fully what I was saying, but he wasn't going to admit to being a liar and taking advantage of the situation.
Lesson learned: Make sure your wills are up to date so that only those who you wish to give something to, get it. Due to an oversight this guy got a lot more than he should have and he knew it.
40. The Triple Timer
He said he was divorced and had triplets. His ex had won fully custody and the children lived with her in Gananoque. He had visitation and went to visit them every second or third weekend. He was a butcher and later found a job in a marketing firm.
We were the same age and our children were the same age. There were a lot of similarities with our backgrounds and being parents. We hit it off from the beginning and moved to the phone very quickly. What I enjoyed most was his sense of humour. He was beyond hilarious. First thing every morning I'd have a joke waiting for me in my inbox and every night I'd get another one before going to sleep. No matter where we went, he had everyone in stitches. His laugh was contagious.
I saw potential, things seemed to be going well. For the first time in ages, I let my guard down. His sister worked in government. One afternoon he introduced us. She was really nice and we had a great conversation. She had also studied at Carleton. Eventually I introduced him to the children and they hit it off. When we were all together, I had 4 kids laughing their asses off. We always had so much fun.
The fact that he was going away a couple of weekends a month never bothered me and I never questioned it. Given that he was a father, I admired the fact he made the effort to spend time with his kids whenever he could. They seemed to have a good relationship with their Dad and he spoke about them often. Every now and then they'd call when we were together and it was cute to hear them tell stories about school.
One thing that seemed odd was that he often talked about his best friend's ex. They had broken up suddenly and she called him often for advice and support. At times it seemed excessive, but if it was a friend of mine I'd be there for them too. My best friend said something seemed off and I should be careful, but I didn't listen.
A couple of months later he seemed distant. He said this friend of his was going through a really bad time and was she coming up to Ottawa for a visit. That was fine, my kids had birthday parties that weekend anyways so we hadn't planned to see each other. I didn't hear from him at all that weekend which was completely out of character. On the Monday I decided I'd stop by his place after dinner to make sure he was ok. When I arrived he wasn't there, but one of his close friends was. He said we needed to talk.
Him: "You seem like such a nice girl, I can't sit back and watch this anymore. You need to move on and forget about this guy. You deserve better."
Me: "What are you talking about, we all have good days and bad. I know how hard it is for him to be away from his kids."
Him: "No, that's not it at all. You're too nice and I'm sorry I didn't say something sooner. I just figured you'd be another flavour of the week, but he's taking advantage of you. He's not divorced and that friend he's always talking about...that's his girlfriend and she's 5 months pregnant with his baby. She lives in Smith Falls. Every second time he goes away he's going to stay with her, not to see his kids. He's been lying to you all along. I'm really sorry."
OMG! This couldn't be true. WTF! He finally called a few days later. Claimed he was having issues with his ex and he was really stressed out. I asked him point blank if he was divorced. He danced around the question then said it wasn't official yet. Then I questioned him about his "friend" and whether he was in love with her. He responded yes, then immediately said no, I like you. I called him a liar, told him to forget he'd ever met me and hung up. He kept calling so I had to block his number. Talk about having your cake and eating it too! This guy deserves an award. How he managed to juggle 3 women like that is incredible. He played all 3 of us. His sister emailed me to apologize, but it wasn't her fault. She hadn't realized what was going on either.
I was devastated beyond belief and wanted to crawl underneath a rock. This was the worst blow ever. I couldn't do this anymore. This time even my kids were hurt, how could I have been so stupid. My online dating career was done, I deleted everything. Obviously it wasn't meant for me to find someone. Maybe I was supposed to be alone and eventually I'd have to come to terms with that.
Good-bye online dating and thanks for nothing!
Dateless in Ottawa
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