I'm all for honesty, but when initially getting to know someone you don't want to go overboard. This also applies to emails and conversations before you meet someone. No point in getting into too much detail before you've even determined whether you have chemistry and if the potential exists to embark on a relationship.
I agree there are some things that need to be said to ensure everyone is on the same page, but please spare me the unpleasant gory details. Most of us have been around long enough to understand fully about various disorders and symptoms of conditions. When we don't, we can ask you to elaborate or use Google!
On a first date, I get it, we're nervous and some times things come out accidentally. I try to be understanding and lend a compassionate ear, but I have my limits and chances are it will be a very short date or conversation. Actually, more than likely the last date too! Certain things can wait and be discussed at a later, more appropriate time on a need to know basis. The best advice I can give is "Please, please, please think before you speak!." Some times silence is best.
These are just a few I've come across, I'm quite certain many of you have others. Please feel free to share.
Topics to avoid on a first date:
1. Incontinence problems
Going into details about your bladder incontinence problems is not a good topic of discussion to have over drinks or dinner for that matter. OMG really? I'm trying to enjoy my drink and be supportive, but that's way too much information in addition to the fact that you're visiting the washroom every 15 minutes. Even harder to focus when you happen to be drinking yellow lemonade! And they say women go to the washroom too often??? Not! I don't need a list of all your upcoming urologist appointments. If you need a drive I'll be happy to help, but please don't get into graphic details about the procedures you've had or will under go in the near future. If this was a ploy to turn me off, bravo you succeeded!
2. Hemorrhoids
This one is no better than #1. I'm well versed in what these are. Spare me the details on leakage, odours and treatments. Are you kidding me? What are people thinking when they bring up these topics? You're suppose to be trying to impress me. Please try to maintain a certain level of dignity. Think of how you would feel being on the receiving end. The equivalent of a woman going into details about her menstrual cycle or child birth! Thanks, I'll need a few drinks to wipe this from my memory!
3. Erectile dysfunction issues
So, a guy goes on and on about the importance of sex and intimacy in a relationship, then during your first date tells you that his doctor gave him a sample pack and a year long prescription for Viagra. Really? He further adds he's been having issues since he turned 40. We'll leave out the fact that he's now 46. What??? I completely agree, the physical aspect of a relationship is extremely important and now you're basically telling me your member doesn't work. How am I supposed to react? What am I supposed to say? Again, why would you think this was an appropriate subject to discuss while eating? Give your head a shake and please stop talking!
Q: What's even worse than any of the 3 topics above?
A: A guy talking about 2 or more on the same date! Yes, sadly I've experienced it.
I often wonder how I manage to hold onto any hope, let alone maintain my sanity! Hard not to lose faith or start to question what normal is.
4. How much you love your ex
I get that every now and then stories will come up about our past. This is normal, but when you spend an entire hour going on about how great she was with your kids, how much you loved each other and the fact that you ended it because she wanted a baby and now you regret your decision??? Say what? Then you mention that you still see her often and will always be there for her. And you wonder why I ended the date early? Even more sad that I had to explain to you in detail why.
Another guy went on and on about his perfect model ex-wife with green eyes, her amazing body and how gorgeous she was. Her dad was beyond rich with a luxury resort. He loved her to pieces. I was speechless. Sorry, I'm not interested in competing with your ex.
5. Digestive issues and allergies
Basic information about food allergies is important to discuss when making plans involving eating out, but again be mindful of providing way too much information. I don't need to know the graphic details of how your digestive system reacts negatively to different kinds of foods. No honestly, please spare me the play by play. The minute you start talking about diarrhea and gas, you've totally lost me. The last thing I can imagine is getting intimate with you fearing I'll be on the receiving end of some of those negative reactions. Heck, I'm not sure I can sit across from you because I can't get the images out of my head! Sorry, I have to go!
To be continued.....
Dateless in Ottawa
No comments:
Post a Comment