Given how dishonest people are, you don't want to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation. For women it's a bit more about safety. Always better to be in familiar surroundings with an easy way out.
* A tip: When meeting for the first time, agree to meet in the parking lot. If the person that shows up doesn't look like their picture or you get a bad feeling, easier to excuse yourself or call them on it and leave. This way you're not stuck in an uncomfortable situation or run the risk of causing a scene if you already have a table.
As much as chivalry is huge for me, I don't accept offers to be picked up for the first couple of dates. When I was younger this was never an issue, you didn't think twice it's how it was done. Who doesn't feel special having someone pick them up and open the door for them? I love that! Until you get to know the person and you feel comfortable with them I strongly suggest you go in separate vehicles and meet at the chosen venue. If anything goes wrong, you can leave at any time. I met a guy who seemed great, we'd been out twice so I agreed to have him pick me up. From the beginning I had made it clear I was looking for something long term and wasn't going to rush into anything. I further added sex wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I needed to feel comfortable and get to know him first, he agreed. He was very respectful and polite, but all of a sudden Dr. Jekyll appeared. Who was this? He wasn't the same person. When I said no, he completely lost it. It was a horrible situation to be in, I truly didn't think I'd be able to get away. As terrified as I was, I held my ground. My Latina temper came in handy and after a long screaming match, he gave up. It was a close call.
Going to a man's house on the first date is also a HUGE No, No! Same applies to having him over at your place for a first, second or third date! Yes there are nice and respectful gentlemen out there, but there are also dishonest predators looking for sex who may not want to take no for an answer. Don't put yourself in a dangerous situation. Also keep in mind the message you're sending him. You may have all the best and most innocent of intentions, but a guy may interpret it in a completely different way. Sad that it's come to this. Being extremely naïve I've been caught with this one too. Stupid me thought, "He's so nice inviting me over for coffee." One minute we're having coffee the next minute he's naked! OMG are you kidding me? I'm no prude, but I found that completely inappropriate and unacceptable. You assume the best and give others the benefit of the doubt, but in this day and age that is not wise. This can even happen when you've been out a couple of times and feel comfortable with him. There are some really good actors out there, be careful and always trust your gut instinct. Don't feel guilty or like you own them anything. No means no!
I make it a habit to let several girl friends know when I have a date. I send them all the guy's info I have; phone number, picture, full name, address, time we're meeting and address of the venue. I've even taken down licence plate numbers and texted it to them from the venue. After all, you can never be too safe. Working closely with several law enforcement agencies, I'm shocked at the stories my colleagues share with me. Wait till they read my blog! Very sad that this has become the world we live in.
Be careful with how much information you share. A man doesn't need your full address at home or work or details about your daily routines at the very beginning. In the technology age we live in it's already quite easy to find people no matter how hard they try to hide, so don't offer up any more details than necessary. Think back to my story about Mr. Former Football Player, nothing more scary than knowing someone is following you around and knows where you live, even though you never gave him those details.
Keep in mind, some of the above applies to men too. There are women out there looking to take advantage of you and/or get whatever they can out of you. A close friend of mine had a horrible encounter with a woman. Next thing you know her "boyfriend" shows up demanding money. Scary world we live in. Another friend mentioned there are women online who are call girls that go out with you then all of a sudden slap you with a bill for the time they spent with you. Crazy!
Some may argue I'm being paranoid or going overboard, but after so many bad experiences and the stories you hear on the news, I refuse to put myself or my children at risk.
Final thoughts...Better to be safe than sorry!
Dateless in Ottawa
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