After getting off that emotional roller coaster, I sat down to go over my lessons learned. No wonder people get bitter, angry and jaded. I didn't like the person I had become.
You put yourself out there, wear your heart on your sleeve, treat others with the respect and consideration you expect in return and what happens? They stomp all over your heart, lie, cheat, disrespect and take advantage of you.
I arrived at a point where I didn't trust anyone or believe anything they said. At this rate if I ever met a man again, I'd probably subject him to a polygraph test! Sadly this is a reality and not surprising given all the lies and dishonesty evidenced by my stories. Furthermore, I wasn't going to believe anything without proof. There's all kinds of identification that can support what you're saying! If a person isn't lying, it shouldn't be an issue. I joked about asking to see a driver's licence to a guy once and he got all defensive and insulted, turns out he was lying about his age. Heck I've been working for the same department forever and I still have to show my id on a regular basis, same when I go to the liquor store so why shouldn't a stranger or potential mate be allowed to ask? Given that I have nothing to hide, I'd have no issue showing my id. Besides, I have it on me all the time anyways.
I came up with a few categories that men lie about the most and a very easy way to verify details for each.
1. Age
Many feel the need to lie about how old they are for some reason. I've heard numerous lame excuses for lying about their age.
- A few guys said they looked younger than their actual age so it was ok. Even though sooner or later your real age will come out, then what? Age certainly doesn't define a person, but why lie?
- Others said the system wouldn't let them communicate with younger women so they had no choice. You always have a choice! Once again, why lie? If women specifically state their acceptable age range, then be a man and accept your age. Not anyone else's problem if you're going through a mid-life crisis and can't accept how old you are.
- Some guys claimed they made an error when entering their date of birth - Really??? If you're not sure how old you are, ask your mother or better yet, check your birth certificate or driver's licence. Our kids are usually pretty smart too, they can tell you. By the way, if you made a mistake why wouldn't you go back in and correct it? Just sayin.
* Get ready to show me your birth certificate
2. Name
I know our memory can be affected as we age, but really? Pretty sad when you don't seem to know what your name is or you're suffering from multiple personality disorder. Worse when you have 3 active profiles on the same site with 3 different names using the exact same picture! Are you kidding me? Once again, you can ask your kids, your mom, a friend, relatives or your boss if ever in doubt! If you don't have anyone you can ask, check your driver's license, birth certificate, vehicle registration, citizenship card, passport....the options are endless!
* Have your driver's licence or government photo id ready
3. Marital Status
Chances are, if you haven't seen a lawyer, you're neither separated nor divorced. Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. I don't think you'd forget you got divorced because chances are it cost you a pretty penny.
Sleeping on the couch or in the basement doesn't make you any more divorced than not wearing your wedding band regardless of how drunk you may be.
By the way, if your married don't add me as a friend on Facebook when you have a status of married on display for the entire world to see! Unbelievable how stupid men can be.
Single, Widowed, Legally Divorced all mean you are available. If you're separated, deal with your unresolved issues before you start a new book.
* If you claim to be separated or divorced, have your separation papers, annulment or divorce decree ready for inspection
4. Child Custody
I've lost count of how many guys claim to have joint custody then all of a sudden they get pissed off because I'm busy with my kids' activities and they have nothing to do. Why lie? If you only have visitation or you don't see your kids for whatever the reason, then so be it. Don't turn it around and take it out on me or expect me to drop everything to fill your voids.
* Let's have a look at your child custody order
5. Employment Status
You'd think this would be a straight forward yes or no question. Either your working and/or retired or you are unemployed. For those who don't know the difference, unemployed = not working. Pretty pathetic if you don't know the difference. If you don't get a regular paycheque from your employer or the pension group and/or report to work on a regular basis, chances are you're not employed. I suppose disability benefits could qualify you as being employed, but again be honest. If I wanted another dependent, I'd have another baby.
* Please have your last paystub and last year's notice of assessment available
With technology today your name can be used to do a Google search, find you on Facebook or other social media, GEDS and a multitude of other searches depending on where people work. 411 or reverse directory can be used to verify phone numbers and addresses. The truth will come out, lying is futile. What do people hope to accomplish? Ottawa is a not that big. What a waste of time and energy. Very sad that this is the result. You can't blame people for trying to protect themselves when they've been burned over and over again.
I've heard guys complain that first dates often turn into the Spanish Inquisition. You can thank the lying cheats that ruin it for all the other guys. I've heard women can be just as bad, but I can only speak to my experiences. Regardless of who's lying, it's not acceptable.
Like I said before, if you're not going to be honest don't waste other people's time. And remember what comes around, goes around.
Dateless in Ottawa
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