Nothing is a bigger turn off than a man complaining that dating is expensive when you're out on your first date. Are you kidding me? If you can't afford it, don't do it!
As far as dating etiquette goes, in my opinion, given how important chivalry is to me, yes I do believe a man should be the one to extend the first invitation and he should make the first move. This also means he should pay. I can hear many of you protesting loudly in disagreement, but for me this is how it should be. I'll further add, if a guy asks me out it's implied he's paying and if I ask him out it's implied I'm paying. I would never expect a man to pay every time. By the way, yes I have asked men out and paid. We all work and have our financial responsibilities so taking turns is a fair approach. This way you can also choose different venues you might not have thought of and experience new things. Like any relationship, it's give and take. As much as I love to be treated and spoiled, I like to treat and spoil my significant other too!
I'd love to get some feedback on the comments above. Some will argue that both parties should go Dutch on a first date. How do you communicate this? Can you imagine? How would you react if a potential suitor said one of the following?
1. "Let's meet for dinner, but we'll ask for separate cheques?"
2. "We can meet for dinner, but you have to pay for your own."
3. "My policy is we go Dutch on the first date, what would you like to do?"
* Hot off the press: there is currently a survey being conducted asking women if they would be willing to go Dutch on a first date. Preliminary results show that 66.67% of women say they would not. (see: http://deesdatingdiary.com/2016/02/27/would-you-go-dutch-on-a-first-date/) There you have it guys!
And here's the male perspective. Guess what guys? You're still on the hook! (see: http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/who-pays-for-the-first-date/)
Keep in mind ladies and gentlemen, this is all within reasonable limits. It also doesn't mean a woman should never pay.
For me there's nothing more awkward and embarrassing than sitting at a restaurant splitting a bill. Really? When out with my friends we've always either taken turns picking up the tab or telling the server from the beginning we need separate bills. Pulling out a calculator and nickel and diming is ridiculous! My parents and their friends were the same. Ultimately the onus falls to the individual extending the invitation. No one expects to pay for their dinner when they are invited to a friend's house to eat, in my mind this is no different.
For those that claim dating is expensive, there are many no cost or low cost options. At the end of the day if you're the one asking a lady out you can pick where you want to go so if you pick a lobster and seafood restaurant to show off, then it's your own fault so suck it up and pay the bill.
Some low cost first meeting or first date options:
1. As old and boring as this may be, there's always Tim Hortons. You don't know who's going to show up and whether or not you'll click so this is a quick inexpensive option. If all goes well you can certainly upgrade and go on to another activity later. If it goes badly you say goodbye and there's no expensive or lengthy commitment. The cost of a small coffee is approximately $2.00 so a whopping $4.00 shouldn't set you back too much! If you think it will, you shouldn't be dating. By the way, nothing is life is free so it shouldn't come as a surprise that we have to spend money sometimes.
For those that don't like Timmy's, you can go to Second Cup, Timothy's, Starbucks or Bridgehead. Lots to choose from, you decide what's acceptable to you and your wallet!
2. Lake Leamy, Britannia Beach, Mooney's Bay, etc. On a beautiful sunny day, there's nothing better than getting out and enjoying the sunshine. For those who like the sun and sand, the beach is a great place to meet for the first time. You can pack a blanket, a couple of bottles of water and some snacks - doesn't have to be anything fancy. Then sit and talk, play volleyball or walk along the beach and get to know each other. If you buy a case of 24 bottles of water on sale at Shopper's that will run you about $3.00 and you only need to bring 2 bottles. For snacks you can bring fruit or cookies. I figure another $6.00 if you have to buy some. I always have all kinds of snacks for the kids lunches, so again the cost is minimal. Be creative!
3. Go for a walk along the river, Dows Lake or the Experimental Farm. You meet and walk around and if everything is going well you have many options. Grab a drink at one of the restaurants at Dow's Lake, go down Preston Street for some gelato, grab a coffee and a pastry or go somewhere else. Walks are free, what and if you choose to do something afterwards is up to both of you to decide.
4. Make it fun and agree to meet to exchange online dating stories. The one with the best story gets treated to drinks or dinner by the other person. You may think this is unfair because women usually have the worst experiences and beat men hands down, but believe it or not I lost to a guy! I thought for sure I'd have the best story with my extensive collection, but his blew mine out of the water. Actually I felt so bad for him I offered to pay for our next 2 dates to make it up to him! Once again, you are choosing the venue jointly so you should have an idea of what the cost will be and come prepared.
5. Go to a gallery or a museum. Certain days and nights during the week admission is free so you can walk around and share common interests on a subject you both enjoy. Usually they will have a small cafeteria so you can grab a drink or bite afterwards. At the National Art Gallery you get an amazing view of the Parliament Buildings and the Ottawa River while sitting in the café.
6. Go skating on the canal. Again it's free and afterwards if you want to splurge you can grab a beaver tail and a hot chocolate, if that's too expensive for you then just the hot chocolate!
7. At any given time there are festivals, shows and concerts going on. Some are free and advertised in local/news papers, on TV, at shopping malls or on the radio. Do a Google search!
8. A DQ soft serve cone won't set you back a fortune. You can then sit and talk or go for a walk.
The options are endless and minimal effort is required. Some people have annual memberships to certain venues that allow you to bring a guest for free. You can buy a Groupon for pool, mini-golf, dining experiences and a variety of activities at a minimal cost. Frankly, the sky's the limit so stop your whining and be creative. It's not every woman that expects you to wine and dine her at the Chateau Laurier on your first date!
I get it, many of us have been burned and/or taken advantage of. Male friends have told me horror stories. One friend suggested a woman meet him for a drink. They meet and she orders a bottle of wine and no it wasn't a cheap one, he almost fell off his chair when the bill came. Another friend met a woman at a pub she suggested. Apparently she was a regular there and had instructed the staff to keep her drinks coming. Thankfully my friend was smart and as soon as the second drink arrived, he told the waiter he would only be paying for the first round. Any additional drinks she ordered would have to be put on her tab. She got angry and told him he had to pay the bill. He said no, the agreement was to meet for a drink. It was obvious this wasn't going to work out so he ended the date, paid for the first round and left. These are people out to take advantage. I've heard all kinds of stories of women taking advantage over dinner and drinks. This gives us all a bad name and I'm embarrassed when I hear about women behaving this way. Ladies, be considerate and demonstrate some class.
Men can be just as bad. Anyone ever get the, "Sorry, I forgot my wallet" story when the bill arrives? Unreal. I paid for my food and told him he'd have to figure out how to pay for his and left. Interesting how all of a sudden he had cash on him. Makes you wonder how many times he's pulled that trick on other women and succeeded.
If a guy says, "Let's meet for a drink", to me that means I will be ordering one drink and one drink only; not a bottle of wine and not 15 year old scotch. Chances are I'm driving so I wouldn't drink more than that anyways. I make every effort to be appreciative and respectful and expect the same in return.
Men, don't go on and on about how expensive dating is when you asked me out and chose the venue. If you think I'm going to feel sorry for you and offer to pay the bill or even half, not happening. By the way, this is a major turn off. Cheapness is not a positive trait in my book. On the other hand, if you behave like an asshole I will ask the waiter/waitress for my bill, pay and leave. This way you won't feel like I "owe" you anything. That's the sad part about some men. Even if all they buy you is a $2.00 coffee, all of a sudden you owe them and that usually translates into sex. Think again! If you had to pay me for sex I can assure you it would cost you a hell of a lot more than $2.00. In fact if you think dating is expensive, you can't afford me!
I'm far from perfect so will admit there was one time when I ordered far more than I ever do. It was when I went for dinner with Mr. Law Enforcement Officer. Him showing up with the wedding band on had me seeing red, so ensuring the total bill was a bit higher by ordering an appetizer and dessert was my way of punishing him. I'm not proud, but what's done is done. Keep in mind gentlemen that, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Just sayin!
Food for thought, enjoy!
Dateless in Ottawa
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