I was tired and my ego was deflated. Actually, I think it would be more accurate so say my ego was stomped on and beaten to a pulp. Not sure there was anything left! How could I have possibly interacted with so many men and still be single? It seemed incomprehensible.
Sadly the usual emails soliciting sex continued to come in. There were other guys that emailed, but again I think they were looking for a pen pal, not a girlfriend. Others emailed fast and furious only to disappear just as suddenly as they had appeared. One day their profile was there, the next it was gone. The creative ones would try to re-invent themselves by changing their names, but were too stupid to use new pictures. As if people aren't going to recognize you when you keep using the exact same profile pictures???
My friends were supportive. They said good things were just around the corner. My perseverance would pay off eventually. One day I'd look back and laugh at all these bad experiences and appreciate the good all the more. I was skeptical, but I didn't think things could get any worse. I'd seen in all so nothing could surprise me at this point. It was a great source of entertainment, if nothing else.
Embarking on to the next round.
Round 32:
63. Mr. Insurance
He was bit older, 53, average height, with a stocky build. He had salt and pepper hair with blue eyes. He was divorced with 3 kids in joint custody. The country was where he lived and worked. Sports were high on his list of interests along with cooking.
His introductory email was sympathetic and filled with questions. Online dating had not been a pleasant experience for him either. He agreed that many people found it far too easy to lie and play games while sitting behind a computer monitor. He came across as a straight shooter and honest. He had been divorced for over 10 years and said he was having a hard time finding someone compatible. Given my experiences, I wasn't surprised. We shared stories and started texting.
He seemed nice and had a good sense of humour. He was floored when I shared more of my stories with him. His so called bad experiences were a walk in the park compared to mine.
We talked about work, our kids and family. He came from a large family. His oldest had moved out, only 2 remained at home and they were older than mine. My kids being younger was a concern for him, but he was willing to give it a try.
Things were moving along and one night he said we needed to talk. That got my attention. When we hear those words our stomach flips as we brace ourselves for bad news. I had no idea what it could be he wanted to talk about. Up to that point I had answered all of his questions and we had been very open with each other. For him the physical aspect of a relationship was very important and he wanted to know if I'd be comfortable talking about sex. I'm no prude and I agreed it was a very important element in a relationship. Nothing wrong with talking about it, partners have to be on the same page for a relationship to work. Never in a million years did I expect to hear what he said next.
Him: "Would you be alright with your partner being with a man once in a while?"
Me: "What? You mean with another woman?"
Him: "No, with a man."
Me: "With a man? Meaning what exactly?"
Him: "Giving a man a blow job really turns me on."
Me: "Pardon me? So you're telling me you like men?"
Him: "No, not at all!"
Me: "Ok, let me get this straight. You want to give a guy a blow job once in a while, but you don't like men?"
Him: "I'm not gay, it's just fun and we can do it together."
Me: "So if you're in a relationship with a woman and things are going well, you would still need to do this?"
Him: "Yes, but if my partner didn't agree then I wouldn't."
Me: "But you wouldn't be happy. What if I told you I wanted to be with another man once in a while."
Him: "Well it's something I really enjoy and I'd like to be able to do it. No, that's not right. That would be cheating. But maybe if I was with you and watched it would be ok or if it was with another woman."
Me: "No, I'd want to be alone and then you can go and do your thing. Another woman? Not happening and no threesomes. Funny that a double standard exists. It's ok for you to want to be with a man, but in my case it would be cheating?"
Him: "No, that wouldn't work. But I want you to be with me when I'm with other men. It would be exciting and fun, you could just watch then we'd have sex."
Me: "I'm shocked, this is not normal in my opinion. Are you bi-sexual? You claim you don't like men, but you do realize that a penis is attached to a man right? You can't have one without the other, it's kind of like a package deal."
Him: "No, you don't understand."
Me: "No I don't, please explain it to me because it makes no sense. If my partner has the need to seek sex elsewhere with someone of the opposite sex, then obviously I'm not the one for him. The thought of not being able to satisfy my partner would leave me feeling inadequate and unhappy."
Him: "You can't look at it that way."
Me: "How am I supposed to look at it? I'm very open minded and willing to try different things, after all variety is the spice of life, but having my partner giving men blow jobs is not acceptable to me. Sleeping with other women falls into the same category. I don't share my partner with anyone and I would hope that my partner would never want me to be with anyone but him."
Him: "It's not a big deal, forget I mentioned it."
Me: "Yeah sure. Unfortunately it's kind of hard to wipe that image from my mind. I'm sorry to each his own, but I can't do this. You are so not for me. I wish you luck with your search."
Him: "You're a really nice girl, I like you a lot. Take care. I hope you find what you're looking for."
OMG! What the f---??? Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse. Holy shit, I was speechless. I truly don't know what normal is anymore. Am I the one that isn't normal? He didn't just tell me he needs to give men blow jobs once in a while, did he? I had to throw up. My skin was crawling and I was beyond disgusted. Would this not be considered abnormal, deviant, atypical, freakish and out of the ordinary behaviour? I could go on and on, but best to stop here. I'm all for the whole "live and let live", but this was so not for me. I couldn't begin to imagine!
Enough, I was done! That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm stubborn and determined, but this was beyond too much for me to deal with. If this is the kind of men available, I ain't interested. I'm better off single. Time to explore other options for meeting men. Quality was severely lacking in the online dating arena. I was going from bad to the worst ever!
Definitely time for a self-imposed sabbatical. Sadly I think this one could last a very, very long time!!!
Dateless in Ottawa
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