After all that time, work and effort invested into online dating I was right back where I started; very single and lonely. Where do forty something year-old single parents go to meet other singles? How do you meet people? Are there any other options besides online dating?
So many questions, but very few answers. Most of my friends are married - happily married and no they don't have any single brothers or relatives they can introduce me to. Work is not an option. I don't believe in playing in my own backyard because if things go wrong, you're stuck seeing the person daily. How awkward would that be? Not to mention depending on what positions you hold at work, it could be viewed as a conflict of interest. I'm also a private person so I don't need to put my personal life on display at work or create distractions.
I needed help! Time to let Google do the work. So I do a search entitled "Where do forty something year-olds meet others?"
What came up?
1. Church
I go to church once in a while, but to be honest my congregation has a very high percentage of seniors and the rest is mainly composed of young families with children. Can't say I've noticed many single men, at least not in my acceptable age bracket. Perhaps if I went more often???
2. Market/Grocery store
With 4 growing kids, I practically live at the grocery store. Costco, Loblaws, IGA, Super C, Whole Foods, Luciano's, Provigo, Independent, Food Basics...you name it I've been there! Heck I should buy shares!!! Can't say I've ever met anyone while doing groceries. There was one time where a guy was following me around and totally freaked me out. He finally caught up to me at the cash and said, "I'm sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I just had to tell you that I love your hair! Have a great night." Actually now that I think back, he was really cute. Extremely tall, probably 6'5 with curly red hair plus he was in his military uniform, what more could a woman ask for? Never did see him again. I do go late at night which is when they claim singles tend to go to avoid the crowds, but even then it's not uncommon for me to have the store to myself! More often than not I run into the parents of my kids' friends and they're all taken.
3. Bars
I'll go out clubbing once in a while with girl friends to celebrate a birthday, go out for a drink to unwind after a crazy week or to vent, but it certainly isn't something we do often. Most of the time we look around and feel way too old to be there. Then you have to deal with the two extremes - drunk 20 something year olds trying to pick you up or 60 something year olds trying to pick you up. I'll pass on both thanks!
4. Work
I already mentioned how I feel about this. Not for me!
5. Online
Given my numerous attempts, I consider myself an expert who can state without any reservations that it has not worked for me. I do have several friends that have met their significant others and/or spouses on there, but that luck still eludes me. Yes, I did meet a few nice guys but sadly it wasn't meant to be.
6. Friends
Yes, a great place to start but most don't have family or friends that are single and looking. Friends certainly do know you well, sometimes better than you know yourself so they would be great at match making if they happen to come across someone who's single and available. This could remain a viable option, time will tell.
7. Restaurants
Being a foody, going out to restaurants is not an issue. I'm also the type that if I'm craving something and none of my friends want to go, I'll go by myself. There have been countless occasions when I've taken myself out for breakfast, lunch and/or dinner and I'm not talking McDonalds. Thai, Indian, Sushi, Fusion, Szechwan, you name it I like it and I'll venture into the unknown without hesitation. Have I ever had the pleasure of meeting someone? Nope, can't say I have. I'll keep trying, after all it is more enjoyable to eat in the company of another.
8. Gym/Sporting activites
Whether it be a club or gym membership or an organized team sport, I've done it all. Softball, dodge ball, yoga, aerobics....nope, haven't met any men here either. At yoga and aerobics I rarely see men. At other sports it's common for huband and wife/boyfriend and girlfriend to join together, or the guys are too young, too old or gay.
9. Vacation
I travel frequently and I've met a few guys, but sadly they were married or simply looking for a way to immigrate to Canada! Funny how it's usually the married ones that hit on you. On my recent trip to the DR, the guy that was transporting us to the airport offered to leave his wife if I agreed to stay and move in with him. No thanks, I'll pass cause chances are he'll do the exact same thing to me when he meets the next single young lady on a trip to the airport.
10. School
I'm so done with school it's not funny. Can't imagine going back. A friend suggested I sign up for a Masters Degree cause I'd meet older men with money. She could very well be right, but having to study, take notes, complete assignments and write exams are currently very unappealing to me. Free or low cost general interest courses I would consider, but a Masters degree is a bit too expensive and time consuming to undertake as a means for meeting a man.
11. Park
Well, going to the park with my 4 year-old more than likely isn't going draw men to me like magnets. Sadly most of the men there are married or I'm surrounded by Moms so this hasn't worked for me. I do go cycling or on long walks and spend time at Lake Leamy worshipping the sun, but I haven't met any men there either.
12. Parties
Given the work I do, attending events and receptions are a regular occurrence. I very much enjoy going to these events, meeting new people and being exposed to a variety of cultures and foods. It would be more fun if I had a date! Once in a while I'll bring a friend whether male or female, but more often than not I wind up going alone and leaving alone.
Friends have house parties and invite others I don't know, but more often than not it's mostly couples and me the odd ball!
Birthday parties for kids are also very common, but less likely to be a viable venue to meet a single guy as again it's mostly couples or Moms accompanying their kids.
13. Interest groups/clubs
I attend gallery events, museum opennings, fashion shows, information sessions and seminars. Funny, but lately I'm surprised at how many gay men attend these events. I find they tend to be more interested in the arts so less likely I'll meet a potential mate there. I won't throw in the towel on this one since these events do come up regularly and there have to be straight guys that appreciate the arts too!
14. Bus stop
I can't remember the last time I took a bus, so this one definitely won't work for me! While I was touring around the Philippines, I was on numerous buses, but there were mostly couples on the tour so not luck there either.
Google wasn't the most helpful so I'll have to do a bit more research and solicit my friends for suggestions.
Thanks for reading!
Dateless in Ottawa
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