There were a few things that stood out when I looked back at all of my stories. Many of these guys claimed to be single or divorced. After meeting they would say they were only communicating with me and didn't log into POF anymore. Well my stories prove that many were in fact married. Very easy to lie when you're sitting behind a computer screen. You can say whatever you want and continue to build on the story while feeling safe and protected. It's only when you actually meet someone and start asking questions that the truth slowly unravels, at which point these men run and hide. Either that or they're stupid enough to leave their cell phone lying around with all of my contact information in it that their wives can use to call and/or email me.
To find out whether or not these guys were lying about only communicating with me, I would ask girl friends to do a username search and check for me to see if they were online. Funny how they would insist we didn't need to go on POF any more since we'd found each other and should explore where the journey would take us. Yeah, whatever! At one point I created a dummy profile to keep an eye on these guys so I wouldn't have to bother my friends. So disappointing when you meet someone who you think has potential and there he is on POF 24/7! It becomes a game. The key is to be stealth and creative. It's all about who can play it better while trying not to get hurt. Sadly people do get hurt.
When you consider all the online dating sites and apps, it's no wonder people don't put much effort into building a relationship. Way too many distractions and an ocean full of temptation! I can't begin to understand how people manage to juggle several online dating sites and mobile apps all at the same time. It's a constant flow of emails, texts and phone conversations. Using these sites can become addictive. Suddenly you're overwhelmed and having a hard time keeping track, yet you don't stop cause the neighbour's grass is always greener. It's like having a second full-time job and needing a scheduling assistant to help keep you organized! We're never happy with what we have, we want more. Life in the age of excesses; the more we have, the more we want. They are out with one person, but anxiously waiting for a new text or email to set up a date with another person. Gotta keep their options open and not "settle." It's a vicious circle of never wanting to commit or bothering to truly get to know someone because they believe someone even better is just an email or text away.
The world has changed to the point where everything is disposable. Nothing lasts like it used to. Gone are the days of appliances lasting 35 years or cars lasting 20! Even with relationships the minute something goes wrong or one person isn't happy, it's over. Don't get me wrong, there are cases where it's best to walk away, but by the same token nothing worth having comes easy. People have to be willing to give and take, compromise, invest themselves completely and commit while constantly working on the relationship. A relationship is like a work of art or a career. It takes time to get it just right. You have to study, do the work and put in the effort. A brush stroke here, a touch of colour there, make some changes, accessorize, more training, the options are endless. It's a never ending project. Close friends of the family are celebrating their 40th anniversary this weekend. What a milestone! Sadly we don't celebrate these as often anymore.
At work I see it when interviewing students. Here they are fresh out of university with this overinflated sense of entitlement and unrealistic expectations. They want a top paying job because they have a university degree and then rhyme out their list of demands and limitations. Anything less is beneath them. Being book smart doesn't make you better or more intelligent. There is something to be said about knowing how to apply common sense, life experiences and hands on training. The realities of life can differ extensively from the picture perfect scenarios learned in text books, yet students fresh out of school think they are better and smarter. Are you kidding me? Time for a dose of reality kids. You start at the bottom like everyone else and work your way up. Much like respect, seniority is earned. In some cases depending on their field of study or who they know, they may be lucky to land an awesome top paying job. For the rest, you have to prove yourself and work your way up the ranks. Often times promotions mean applying and having to compete with others to move up, it isn't automatic. One can't sit around and simply expect things to fall into their lap, if you want it you have to go out and get it. Fight for what you want because competition for jobs is fierce, much like trying to find a mate!
This assumption that the next person will be even better than the one you're with now is crazy. It's not impossible, but where do you draw the line? How will you know when you've met the "perfect" one? Will bells, lights and whistles go off kind of like at the casino when you win at the slot machine? Will a marquee sign appear over the person's head saying "This is the one?" Maybe my fairy godmother will use her magic wand and make my perfect man appear? For most it seems like an endless roller coaster putting one at risk of ending up alone, while using the excuse or justification that they are not willing to settle. There is no such thing as perfect. We all have our flaws, weaknesses and short comings. Hopefully the good qualities and strengths will outweigh the bad. We can't be good at everything! It should be about focusing on our strengths and how we can compliment one another. Like I said in a previous post, if I can find someone that has 70% of what I'm looking for, I'll grab him and run! At some point I may need to re-adjust this figure, but for now I'll leave it as is.
Personally I think the key to finding relationship success is honesty. This is one element that I find is severely lacking in the world of online dating. It's hard to build a relationship on a foundation of lies. Oh well, the only person's behaviour we can control is our own. For now I'll continue on and try to remain hopeful that there are other honest people out there willing to make the effort.
To summarize, the two major problems keeping people from finding their "perfect" relationship is dishonesty and unrealistic expectations. Something to consider.
Yup, no choice but to move on to Round 31!
Dateless in Ottawa
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