The next day my girl friend and I caught up to compare notes. Before I met my date I had some information on him, but I learned a lot more during the date. My friends didn't know him very well, just some basics. Him and my girl friend's husband worked together. What I knew before the date:
- he worked in construction
- he had kids
- was well liked by his co-workers
- had a great sense of humour
- he was tall
- he had tattoos
When I met him, the first thing that stood out was his height. He was about 6'2, stocky, with dark hair and eyes. His eyes lit up and he had a great smile. The entire night he had us in stitches laughing at his jokes, stories and antics.
He definitely had tattoos. Perhaps a few too many for my taste. I'm all for art and personal expression, but if you're going to put something permanent on your body it should be done tastefully and professionally. I think consideration of where to put them is also extremely important. Tattoos can be beautiful, but there's a time and place for them. Personally I would prefer to have them in strategic places where they are easy to hide for instances where you may prefer someone doesn't see them (ie. Job interview, wedding or special occasion, etc.). He had some on his hands that you'd never be able to hide.
He dressed well and was very well put together.
Other common interests included cooking, music, family and going out. He wasn't big on travel due to financial constraints, but loved taking the kids camping. Overall things looked good, camping wasn't for me but a couple doesn't having to do everything together. I was going to keep an open mind.
He had children. We thought he had 2, but it turns out there were 3. The youngest was from his last relationship and the 2 older ones from his first relationship of which he had recently won full custody of.
Throughout the night we had a few conversations and talked about the usual work, kids and life. When I first meet someone I tend to be very quiet and reserved. I listen, ask a few questions, watch how they interact with others and pay attention. Amazing the things you can learn about a person just by sitting back and listening and watching their body language.
At one point he commented about having been away on holidays and how he went to court to fight for custody when he got out. This stood out. What kind of vacation does one go on where you then have to be "let out"? Call me negative or an over thinker, but did that mean jail? OMG, this was not good. With my security requirements at work this could be a very bad thing. This was red flag #1.
As it relates to the kids, I already have 4 so another 3 could be a challenge. I love kids and wanted more so would definitely be open to trying, but past experience taught me that juggling the sports and activity schedules for several kids can be exhausting and leave little time for one-on-one with a potential mate. In this case, based on his stories, there would also be 2 crazy exs to deal with and this was less than appealing to me. I don't do well with crazy ex's, been there, done that, got the battle scars! No thank you. Red flag #2.
Most of my "must haves" were checked off, so there was definitely some potential. By the same token some clarifications were required.
When my girl friend and I met up, she was surprised at my observations.
Her: "Jail, are you sure? OMG, where was I? I totally didn't hear that part of the conversation, but I can see how you'd assume that. Vacation and when he got out he went to court??? Maybe I was too busy enjoying the popcorn! Lol Well you have to find out, that would not be good for your job. I'll ask my hubby, but he totally wouldn't set you up with someone that has a record if he knew about it. They are not close friends, just work together so hard to know everything."
Me: "All good, I could be totally wrong. After so many bad experiences I just assume the worst. If we go out again I can ask him and see."
Her: "He really liked you. It seemed like you guys were hitting it off and you had fun."
Me: "I did have a great time. He is really nice and he seems like he's totally my type."
Her: "My hubby did a great job, I'm so impressed."
Me: "Me too, thank him for me."
Now it was the waiting game. Who does what and when? I'm old fashionned so as far as I'm concerned, he had to make the first move.
We'll have to wait and see what happens! Enjoy your weekend,
Dateless in Ottawa
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