In this day and age, very sad that many people get taken advantage of and used. The web and computers have made it even easier for predators. This doesn't just happen to women, but I'll be focusing on my experiences with men. My hope is that my post with help other women who find themselves in similar situations. Even if this only helps one woman, it will be well worth the effort as it will be one less woman who is taken advantage of.
Online dating allows users to remain anonymous. This can go on indefinitely or at least until they decide to meet another user. I think many create profiles with no intention of ever meeting anyone. They are predators simply out to make a fast buck any way they can. They create a character that they believe will be appealing to women.
Characteristics:
Great profile pictures
Fancy cars
Tropical destinations
White collar professions (engineer seems to be a very popular choice)
Very well written profiles
Tall, attractive, in great shape
Expensive taste
Designer clothing, watches...
Charming, full of flattery
Here's the story of one of the predators I met online.
The Petrochemical Engineer
He sent a very flattering introductory email on POF. Complimentary, but polite. The profile was well written. Low and behold, he had many similar interests to mine. Single, looking for a relationship, even lives in the same city and claims to have found what he's been searching for in me. He quickly moved to texting, but used an odd app I had never heard of. That was the first red flag.
Conversations went well, although he didn't answer some of my questions. Suddenly he has a sob story. His parents died in a tragic accident he was then taken in by an uncle and worked hard to become an engineer. Lived in the US now in Canada. Previous girlfriends all cheated. Tired of games, wants something serious and forever. Sends texts that are very obviously copy pasted and sure enough when I Googled them, that was confirmed.
He sent me pics of himself in his BMW sports car in an exotic location and goes on about how he's going to buy a Lambourgini or Range Rover sport when he gets back home. He brags about his work and the various contracts he has. Currently he's away on a 2 month contract, but will be home soon to spend quality time with me. He asks a bit about my family, background and work. The texts become less frequent, almost like he's sending them at odd hours when he knows I'm not available then apologizes for being busy. His work is very stressful and he works long hours.
He claims to love me and miss me. When I question how he can love and miss someone he's never met, he says it's because we've had great conversations and an instant connection. It's not hard to fall in love when everything is right. My response to him was "Sure, ok." He wasn't pleased. We hadn't even talked on the phone so not sure what conversations he was referring to.
Then out of the blue, he talks about not having enough bitcoins to purchase his research journals and how important they are to his work. He can't get any on the Hibernia oil rig he's currently working on off the coast of Newfoundland. Maybe he can send me some money so I can buy him the bitcoins he needs to purchase the research journals. I told him to down load the journals using Google or use a credit card. According to him that doesn't work, they can only be purchased with bitcoins and there's no bitcoin ATM on the rig. Another red flag.
He goes on to insist I provide him with my banking information. I purposely kept dancing around the conversation. He said online banking was a great thing and he needed the research journals for his work. I argued I don't use online banking due to having been hacked a few times. I'd much rather go to the bank in person and deal with a teller. He got angry and insisted I needed to use computers and technology to manage my banking and financial affairs as it is faster, easier and less stressful. I insisted that for me, dealing with live people is far more enjoyable and not the least bit stressful compared to computers and technology.
This really frustrated him and he kept asking me what bank I use. I quickly ended the conversation. I told him I was on my way to meet up with friends, we'd talk some other time. Haven't heard from him again since. It was very obvious all he wanted was money and quickly realized he wasn't going to fool this chick.
OMG, I sat and laughed. Pretty much from the beginning something seemed really off, but I played along. In the back of my mind I won't lie, I was hoping he'd prove me wrong. Maybe my bad experiences with online dating have jaded me too much and he was going to show me real, honest and kind men still exist. A couple of days later when I signed into POF, he had deleted everything. This is pretty much a tell tail sign someone is trying to cover his tracks. Usually when a user deletes his profile, the emails still remain at least the ones I sent. He went to the trouble of deleting all the emails too!
Signs he was a fake:
- He didn't answer all of my questions or took too long to answer basic questions. How difficult is it to remember things like where do you live? Do you have any siblings? Where did you go to school?
- Google searches of his name turned up nothing. The name also didn't fit his background or family heritage of Norway. The name he used was John Fuller. Could he be any more generic?
- He was suddenly away working on an oil rig. No indication on the profile he travelled or went away for work. This only turned up several days into texting out of the blue when I suggested meeting. Could he pick a more remote location?
- According to his profile he worked for the military. When I asked if he was army, navy or airforce, he seemed confused. He couldn't understand why I was asking him this, until I mentioned it was on his profile. Suddenly he was an engineer working on an oil rig in the Hibernia oil field. He tried to back pedal and said the military contracted his services. Seemed shocked I was familiar with the oil field and where it was. Some of my random bits of knowledge come in very handy at unexpected moments! The rig is run by the world's largest petroleum companies, not national defence, but whatever I could let that one go as govt can be involved in all kinds of projects and complicated.
- Fancy cars do nothing for me, in fact when someone flaunts them I find it a major turn off. He seemed shocked at my reaction then said he'd buy whatever vehicle I wanted because his woman had to be happy. Sure. The pic with the BMW was not taken in Canada, guys should pay attention to the background when sending or posting pics. A Lambourgini in Ottawa during Winter? Are you kidding me??? He was done at that point.
- The details he provided kept changing. He was on a 2 month contract, then it was a 30 day contract. He was there to find ways to refine the crude oil by applying technology, then he was there as a research analyst.
- Confidence is sexy, arrogance a major turn off.
- A bitcoin ATM? Is he for real?
- The icing on the cake - He wanted my banking info. This was a huge red flag. If you want to send me an online banking transfer all you need is my email address. I wonder how many people actually know this? PayPal is another option which again does not require any banking details.
Perhaps my work, studies, all my wonderful online dating escapades and random knowledge helped me identify inconsistencies and question them, thereby saving myself from being sucked in and taken advantage of. Someone else would have totally believed everything, never challenged him, provided their banking information and had their savings wiped out. So many people long to be loved so desperately, that they fall victim to these predators who know what to say, how to say it and when to say. They play with your heart strings and stroke your ego to fool you into believing they truly love you and will follow through on all of their promises. You fall in love with the idea and foolishly believe everything they tell you. You have to look no further, your knight in shining armour has arrived and he's going to love you forever. NOT! Don't allow yourself to get sucked in.
Until you have met a potential mate in person, take what they say with a grain of salt. Actions speak louder than words, don't rush and get to know them well. Fall in love over texts and emails??? Not very likely, at least not with this chick nor should any woman fall for this. Don't be afraid to ask questions, if they get mad or refuse to answer, you know they are hiding something. It's easy to sit behind a computer and write all kinds of things to make yourself sound bigger and better than you really are. Studies have proven that people are more likely to be dishonest when using online dating. They use old or inaccurate pictures, incorrectly describe themselves, don't seem to know their height or age, lie about their profession, marital status...the list goes on and on. Hard to verify anything until you meet them in person.
Please, please, please do not give anyone you don't know your banking information. Wait, as far as I'm concerned, no one should ask you for this information unless it's an employer/govt agency for direct deposit or a service provider for monthly payments. Emailing and texting for weeks or months does not mean you know the person or that you've fallen in love. If these guys are so successful, they shouldn't need to ask someone they've never met and have only been emailing and texting for a few weeks/months for money or banking information. This should be a huge red flag! Even offering to send you money to buy them things makes no sense. How have they managed all these years without you? Ever heard of online shopping??? Surely they have family, close friends, co-workers and business contacts. If this so called engineer needed the research journals for his work, why didn't he bring them with him from home or make arrangements through work? In this day and age we have the internet so any information you could possibly need is at your finger tips! With a credit card or PayPal account you can buy pretty much anything so why impose on a stranger?
If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is! Don't allow yourself to fall victim to these predators. Imagine how many people fall for these lies and wind up losing everything. Even if only 1 in 10 women get sucked in, these guys are still ahead and keep doing it. Easy way to get money if you play your cards right and convince these women who are desperate to be loved to believe your stories.
I have guy friends that have been taken advantage of by women also. Predators come in both sexes and don't discriminate. Again, be smart. Ask questions, have them provide proof and meet them in person. Good grief, I'm going to have to start asking them to show me identification. It will have to be government issued with a picture like their driver's license, passport or work id card in an effort to weed out the con artists!
Be careful. Stay tuned for more stories about the predators I've met.
Dateless in Ottawa
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