Round 35 - More online dating.

Months had passed and my ego had somewhat healed.  Work was winding down a little bit so I had some time to devote to finding my soul mate.  My profile looked good.  I added a more recent picture, logged in and unhid my profile.  Now I would wait.  There were a few profiles I had added to my favourites, but decided I was not going to initiate contact.  If a guy writes, obviously he's interested.  This time around I would let the men do most of the work.  Wish me luck!

#8. Mr. Coffee
He was tall with salt and pepper hair and blue eyes.  The profile said he was divorced with children and had a good job. A few interests were listed, mostly sports related.  Music and movies were the two we had in common.  His profile was short and very simple.  There were several pictures, but they all looked pretty much the same. 

The introductory email was cute and funny.  It was obvious he had a sense of humour.  I responded and we emailed then moved to the phone.  Our first conversation lasted hours.  He had a very sarcastic sense of humour.  His experiences on POF had not been overly positive, but like me didn't really have other options for meeting women.  He had full custody of his children and worked long hours.  According to him women were simply looking for someone to take care of them and pay all the bills.  Being materialistic was more important than love.  I disagreed, you can't generalize as there are always exceptions.  I then countered stating men simply wanted sex to which he disagreed. 

He decided he had to meet me as I sounded unlike any woman he had met to date.  I laughed.  He asked about my experiences with online dating and I explained many are dishonest and often don't look like their picture.  He insisted he looked identical to his picture and was willing to drive over immediately to show me.  I declined, it could wait until our first date.  He suggested the following day which was a Saturday.  I had some errands to run and a couple of hours of work to do, so after lunch would work.  We decided to meet at 1:00 and go for a walk downtown. 

The following morning he started texting early.  I responded initially then headed to the office.  The texts continued and then the phone calls started.  I had told him I would be working and would not be able to text or talk.  He left 4 voice messages asking me where I was and why I wasn't responding.  I quickly texted to say I was working and would see him at 1:00 as planned.  A short time later he texted again saying he had arrived early and was hoping I could meet sooner.  He was over an hour early, I was not finished working.  Again he called.  At this point I was beyond annoyed, but tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.  It was a bit flattering that he was so excited to meet, although being desperate is not an attractive trait.

I arrived on time as planned.  Surprise, surprise, he didn't look like his picture.  He looked older, but it was obvious he put a lot of effort into preparing for his date.  His car was washed and he was wearing a dress shirt which he said he rarely wore.  We walked downtown and talked.  I asked more questions, many the same as during our phone conversation, but his responses were completely different.  Previously he had said there was no point in travelling as he'd seen all he needed to see of the world.  Slowly the truth came out.  Apparently restaurants were a waste of money too.  He talked about not having any money, living in a shitty apartment and how he worked at Tim Hortons, but that was all he needed because money wasn't important.  Wait a second, when one has children, money is important as they need to be fed and taken care of.  We were not off to a good start.

Now all of a sudden travel was huge after I said it was one of my favourite things to do.  He was going to figure it out.  He was making plans for how I was going to fix his kids who did nothing but play video games and post on Facebook.  Since my kids were good students and athletic they could rub off on them.  He talked about how his siblings were all well to do and he enjoyed black tie events, even though he didn't own a suit.  He was trying way too hard to impress me and failed miserably.  It was very obvious he was saying what he thought I wanted to hear, while contradicting everything he had said previously. 

I ended the date early, there was no point.  I told him I had to go back to work, which I did given all the interruptions that morning.  He apologized, but said he thought I was going to cancel and he wanted to make sure I was going to come.  Really?  20 texts and 6 phone calls?  Great way to turn me off.  He said he wanted to see me again as he had such a great time and he was very attracted to me.  I was honest and told him I didn't feel the same way and wished him luck with his search.   He got angry and left.  When I logged back onto POF he had deleted all the emails and hidden his pictures.  Whatever. 

#9. Mr. Delivery Guy
Another email came in.  His profile was very short.  He was older, tall with dark hair and eyes.  According to the profile he was widowed with children.  His profession said driver. 

The email was brief.  He said he enjoyed reading my profile and would like to meet for coffee to get to know me better.  We exchanged a few emails and then he suggested meeting for coffee the following weekend.  I agreed.  Usually I like to talk on the phone first, but this time I didn't bother.  We arrived at roughly the same time.  He looked like a deer in headlights.  He couldn't speak and looked very uncomfortable.  We walked to the coffee shop and he held the door open.  I walked to the counter and he just stood there staring.  I ordered my coffee and he didn't move or speak.  The server asked him what he wanted and he didn't answer so I asked him what he wanted.  He ordered and again stood there staring at me.  I pulled out my wallet and paid since he wasn't moving. 

Ok, strike one he didn't look like his picture, strike two I shouldn't be paying when he asked me out!  And no, it's not about the money it's the principle.  In my book, whoever asks the other out is paying.  Not impressed. 

We got our drinks and he spilled his coffee.  He was so nervous he was shaking.  This made me uncomfortable.  Finally we sat down and he slowly became more relaxed.  I asked about his kids and he opened up.  He talked non-stop for over a half hour.  Quickly I learned he wasn't a widower, he wasn't even living with her when she passed away.  She had named him as the beneficiary of her estate because of the children after she found out she had terminal cancer.  The boys had been living with her.  So annoying when men claim to be widowed when in fact they are with someone else when their ex dies.  Ok, this was strike three.

His sons were older than mine and were both away at school.  He was lonely and looking for companionship, someone to move in and share the expenses.  He worked as an office supply delivery person and had been working for the same company for 20 years.  This was all fine and well, but he complained that money was tight and his parents had to help him out.  Sad when a man in his fifties has to rely on his parents.  He was more of a home body and only travelled when his parents invited him to their condo in Mexico.  Again he was very much into watching sports, which does nothing for me.  He also wanted to start working out to lose weight and get into better shape.  He talked about being close with his ex-girlfriend and said they often did things together and hung out, but they were not compatible sexually.  Ok, way too much information. 

I finished my coffee and ended the date.  This guy was totally not for me.  He texted a few times after that, but I didn't respond.  Part of me felt bad, but it pissed me off that he didn't even thank me for the coffee.

Once again, sooner or later you're going to meet so why lie?   At the very least, look like your picture.  Being a widow, it greatly offends me when guys use that category to get sympathy.  If you're not married to and living with the woman when she passes away, you are not a widower. 

Enough for tonight. 
Dateless in Ottawa