Not surprising that I was feeling like online dating was getting the better of me. I was discouraged, tired and so dispirited. By the same token, my parents always taught us that nothing worth having comes easy so I pushed myself to venture on. I'm very stubborn and determined. I don't give up easily. I succeed in all other areas of life, dammit why is dating so freaking difficult???
The last experience of Round 34:
7. The French Engineer
A message had appeared in my inbox that someone had added me as a favourite. He was the same age as me, 6', divorced, had hazel eyes and a shaved head with a goatee. His profile pictures were ok, he looked overweight and a bit frumpy. A couple of pictures were from trips abroad to Asia so it was obvious he's travelled. There were also a few of him enjoying food at different restaurants. Our interests were similar. It said he was an engineer. The profile said he had children. It was nice that he also lived in the same city as me which is very rare.
I emailed him and touched on a few things from his profile. I also noted that I had yet to visit China so I was a little envious. He replied immediately.
We emailed for a bit then moved to texting. He was a great writer and had a great sense of humour. Soon after he suggested talking on the phone to plan a date. He had a great voice and a cute French accent. We texted and spoke regularly in English and French and finally planned a date. He often worked late so he suggested drinks in the market one night.
When I walked into the restaurant he was waiting for me at the entrance. I almost fell over when I saw him. OMG, he was gorgeous. He looked way better than his picture. Some people are just not photogenic, this was confirmed when he sent me a picture a few days later of him in his tacky plaid day costume. He was also taller which is not usually the case. He had to be at least 6'3" and dressed really well. We both ordered martinis and had a great conversation. He was originally from Montreal, but had worked all over the US and had travelled to Europe and Asia on business.
I was thrilled to learn he had a 6-year old son. This was perfect, I have a 6-year old daughter. He'd totally understand that parenting responsibilities come first. Sadly he explained his son was autistic and didn't speak at all. There were many challenges and it was difficult. He had joint custody of his son with his ex and that relationship was not very good. Sounded like they were not on the same page with parenting styles and didn't agree on activities their son should participate in.
We both enjoyed fine dining, travel and movies. Languages was another passion. He asked me what language I wanted to learn next and when I said Russian, I was shocked to learn he spoke it fluently. I'd have a teacher and he wanted to learn Spanish. In his case he didn't go out when he had his son and made it clear that this would not change as his son had special needs and he made the most of the time he had with him. Travel was a challenge and he now avoided work related trips because he hated being away from his son. We talked about my kids, our jobs, family and current events. The converstation flowed freely and we laughed throughout. At the end he gave me a hug and kissed me on both cheeks. I was disappointed he didn't offer to walk me to my car, but whatever.
I wasn't sure how he felt about me after the first date, but he texted that night to thank me for joining him and then again first thing the next morning. Then we made plans to go out again the following week as he had his son for the weekend and was going to Montreal to visit his parents.
We talked and texted daily and he was more often than not the initiator. I really enjoyed talking to him and things seemed to be going well. One night while we were talking my youngest walked in on me babbling away as usual. I told her Mommy was on the phone, I'd come see her afterwards. The phone was dead on the other end. He finally spoke and I could tell he was upset. He said, "She's so cute, I wish my son could speak. I've never heard him say I love you Dad." It broke my heart. I can't imagine and didn't know how to respond.
Later that week he was really excited one night and called me. His son had spoken! During dinner he said, "Yogurt please." OMG, he could speak he just refused to. We went out again and met at the casino for drinks. I don't know where the time went. We arrived at 7:00 pm and all of a sudden it was 1:00 am and we both had to work in the morning. He walked me to my truck, I was thrilled! Then I drove him to his car. He was a perfect gentleman, I wish he would have kissed me but oh well all in time. We made plans for the next several weeks.
One of the weeks he was going to make me dinner when I got back from a business trip and we planned our regular date night. I'd make dinner the following week and we'd go to his cottage afterwards. It was great that we lived so close to each other. I went on my business trip to Toronto. Sadly that week there was the incident with the van that killed 10 pedestrians. I was working not too far away. All day people were trying to reach me, but work was insane and I had turned off my cell phone. My colleagues and I had no idea what was going on outside until later that afternoon. Suddenly we couldn't leave the building where we were working. There was police everywhere. My Dad was watching my kids and trying to call me and finally got through. I was horrified when I learned what had happened. We had not been told to avoid panic.
Well, that incident did not sit well with my date. He was extremely upset and said this was a perfect example of how business travel is not good when we have kids. We texted into the night, he wanted to make sure I got back to the hotel safely and then that was it. I never heard from him again. No more texts, no more phone calls. I knew he had a huge deadline that week and there were major design flaws with the prototype he was working on so I figured he was just busy working on it to meet the deadline. A week later, still no word and he wasn't responding to any of my texts or voice messages. I was beyond disappointed. I left a message letting him know I was worried and if he needed anything to feel free to reach out anytime.
For a change things had appeared to be taking a turn for the better with online dating, then just as quickly and unexpectedly as it began, he disappears! He seemed so genuine, we got along and had made plans for weeks in advance. How could this happen? Why didn't he respond?
I waited a couple of weeks and figured that was it. I hadn't been on POF in almost 2 months since we started dating. Low and behold the moment I logged in his profile was the first to appear. He had updated his profile and added new pictures. I was so upset. What a slap in the face. If my travel was an issue or he had met someone else, fine just say so. A grown adult and he doesn't have the balls to be honest? Even more disappointing when the individual is well educated and a professional.
That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I couldn't do this any more. Time for a break, Round 34 was officially over and sadly not because I'd finally found a man. Thankfully there was a lot more travel coming up for work so I'd be too busy to date anyways. Not sure when or if I'll come back, this really hit me hard. I tried not to allow myself to get too excited, but after 2 months and all the plans we'd made things looked optimistic. How can one not get excited and stop looking? I've always been a one guy at a time type of gal, I'm not interested in juggling or playing games. I already have a full-time job and overbooked schedule, I don't have time to waste. He came across so sincere and honest.
It's the age old question....WHY? Obviously I'll never know the answer. Just very cowardly of a guy to cut off all communication cold turkey and jump right back onto POF. Did he not think I'd see his profile? Or wait, was that intentional because he didn't have the balls to tell me he was no longer interested? Hell at this point, just text if you can't tell a person on the phone or in person. But I guess that would be too much work. I'll leave it to Karma.
Off to heal my bruised ego. Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
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