Online Daters Beware! Signs to look for to identify a predator. - updated again

Predators come in all shapes and sizes.  The ones I've interacted with seem to have very similar characteristics.  My list won't be fool proof, at the end of the day follow your gut.  As I've said many times before, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!

Of the 4 or 5 predators I've had the pleasure of corresponding with, these are the trends I have identified:

1. All of them claimed to be engineers.  Unfortunate to paint all engineers with the same paint brush, but we can't change the facts.  I guess this being a white collar profession, they want to appear to have a successful career and lots of money.  Kind of hypocritical since soon after corresponding with you they ask for money!!!

2. Half of them claimed to be widowers.  Their wives died of cancer.  This is how they play their sympathy card.  Poor lonely widower searching for love. 

3. Each of them had a sob story in addition to having lost their wives.  One lost his son to a car accident at the age of 5, another lost both parents also in a car accident leaving him and his sister orphaned and one lost his parents who had him much later in life.  This further sucks you into feeling even more sorry for them.

4. They claim to be new to online dating and never having used it before, at least this was the case with all the ones that contacted me.  What a coincidence!

5. Pictures look flawless and they make it a point to show off their toys.  Convertible cars, exotic locations, fancy houses, designer clothing, jewelry, watches....you get the picture.  Once again, they give you the impression that they live in the lap of luxury, then try to hit you up for money to buy a plane ticket or in one case Bit Coins to buy research journals???

6. They don't have any immediate family living close by, if they even have any living relatives.  Everyone seems to live in other countries on the other side of the world.  Some claim to be too busy building a career or move around too much to have time for friends.

7. They tend to delete or hide their profiles and claim it is due to being private and wanting to protect their professional image and reputation.  Yeah sure, you mean hide so that all the women don't find your profile and see when you're online?

8. They ask you to remove your profile as you've found "the one" and don't need to search any further.  This ensures you stop going online to see the changes they make to their profiles as they continue to troll for other victims.

9.  If you're smart, you keep your profile active and continue to search until you've met "the one" in person and you mutually decide to remove your profiles.  At least this is what I recommend you do!  Eventually if you don't delete your profile, you'll notice their profile has been changed if they don't block you which has also happened to me.  Pictures are added or changed, details are different, their city changes, interests change and the list goes on and on.

10.  You'll notice most of their interests are identical or very similar to yours when you first look at their profile.  This allows them to convince you that you've found your match since you like all the same things.  What a coincidence, it's a match made in heaven.  It's meant to be!!!!  It couldn't be more perfect.  Yeah right, all perfectly planned and orchestrated to further suck you in if they haven't already.

11. Within a couple of interactions by email or text, they profess their undying love for you.  They also miss you terribly. Thank goodness for online dating otherwise they never would have met you.  What an incredible connection, who would've known? 

12. They send long flattering emails just oozing with love and compliments.  You many even get  poems, lyrics from songs and long winded professions of love.  Chances are if you Google them, you'll see they've copied and pasted them from other sites, but will argue they are their words because you've inspired them.  Sure, move over Shakespeare!

13.  They seem to have difficulty answering the simplest of questions.  One guy couldn't tell me his name.  It was several emails over a couple of weeks before he finally figured out what his name was.  Even simple things like where they live, what school they went to or what their background is.  Others give you names that don't fit with their cultural background.  I know parents can pick the oddest of names, but there's a fine line. 

14.  John seems to be a very popular name, go figure!  Good old John Doe.  There have also been 2 Mikes.  And I find last names tend to be stolen from popular companies or celebrities.  Fuller, Boeing, Allen, you get the idea.  If you do a Google search of their name and nothing comes up, chances are they don't exist.  In this day and age, most people have social media accounts.  Although hard wired home phone lines are slowly disappearing, you will still find some people through 411 directories and a multitude of other databases.  Big Brother is watching and it is becoming increasingly difficult to hide.  Huge red flag if nothing comes up on a Google search. 

15.  When they don't seem to know what their profession is, very telling that they aren't being honest when their answer doesn't match what was written on their profile.  How does one go from military to petro-chemical engineer?   I love it when they say I misunderstood.  No, they mean when they screwed up and couldn't remember what they wrote on their profile.

16.  They keep changing their cell number or go several days without contacting you claiming they are too busy at work or have visitors.  They may also be trying to contact you and leaving messages at odd hours when they know you are not available.  What does this mean?  Chances are they are very married and intentionally making sure you don't connect so they can tell you how hard they've been trying to reach you.  All this effort is supposed to prove how much they love you.

17. When you call their cell phone, the voice message is not set-up.  Often times they don't even have a generic message either.  The message might be cut off or there is simply static and the beep.  They will claim there is a problem with the phone and they can't seem to fix it or insist it is fine must be your phone. 

18.  In two cases, the guys were wearing wedding rings in their profile pictures.  When questioned, they danced around with their answers and claimed it was out of respect for their late wife.  Sure, except she died 5 years ago and you claimed you had lived with someone else for 2 years so  highly unlikely you'd still be wearing your wedding band after living with someone else.  Another just kept changing the subject and removed the picture from his profile.

19.  Often times in most if not all of their profile pictures they are wearing sunglasses.  This allows them to remain somewhat anonymous as you can't fully see what they look like.  When I asked one of them to send me another picture without sunglasses, he claimed that his eyes were extremely sensitive to light so he always wore sunglasses.  Indoors in low light???

20.  They ask for pictures of your vehicle(s).  Whatever you do, don't send any pictures with your licence plates.  The last thing you want to do is provide any details or information that will give them the ability to access more of your personal information.   For that matter, don't sent any of your identification, SIN number or any other sensitive information.  Be smart and protect yourself.  Identity theft is also on the rise so be careful what information you provide people you don't know.

21. They want to know whether you own a house, vehicles, cottage, boats and other items.  Don't send pictures of your home or neighbourhood with distinguishing land marks. What difference does that make?  They are trying to size you up and determine your worth based on your assets.  Don't provide details or information on values.  Same applies to your bank accounts and investments.  It's none of their business what you have and highly inappropriate to be asking such personal questions so quickly when you don't know them. 

22.  They come up with very creative answers to questions they were previously unable to answer or keep building on stories, but then suddenly details change and they tell you you're confused or deny having told you that.  At times when you ask questions they get mad and tell you to change the subject as they are having a bad day.  This translates into, "Oh shit, this one is smarter than I expected and I need to better prepare before I talk to her."

23.  As time goes on, their project keeps getting extended so this further delays your ability to meet in person.  They are very apologetic and they miss you terribly, but all of a sudden a further obstacle!  Their wallet is lost, project is extended yet again, passport is stolen, something is damaged due to an act of God and whatever other stories they come up with.  Soon after, you get the sob story about how they are stuck and too embarrassed to enlist the help of loved ones or close friends.  Given your strong bond and love, you are in a better position to help and they will pay you back as soon as they get home.  They can be very creative and will get angry and try to make you feel guilty when you refuse or question some of the details that don't make sense.   

These are just a few signs, I'm sure there are many more and I'll keep adding to my list as I think of more or get them from friends.  Many married men will use the same tactics.  Be aware ladies and don't ignore the signs or your gut feelings.  If you witness this behaviour, proceed with caution.  Don't send anyone banking information or money.  Verify and get proof of who they are, if it can't be confirmed cut all ties.  Don't let your emotions and their bullying get the better of you.  Talk to your friends and family, highly unlikely they will tell you to send money.  Listen to them as they are not emotionally invested, truly care about you and are looking at the situation from outside of the box.  You many not see the inconsistencies, but they will.  Don't be embarrassed, who doesn't want to feel loved and needed?  Just make sure you're with the person live and not communicating endlessly via text, phone and email.  Actions speak louder than words, make him work for it!

A Few Facts and Things to Consider:
1. If someone needs money, you can use Western Union or send money via PayPal to an email address.  The same applies to online banking, all you need is an email address to send an interact transfer.  Do not provide your banking information or even the name of the bank you deal with to anyone.

2. No point in buying an airline ticket if you've lost your passport.  You won't be allowed to fly without a passport.  Tell them to go to their consulate for assistance, don't get involved.

3.  If you lose your credit card, the credit card company will send you a replacement.  Don't fall for this lie or provide your credit card number to a stranger.  If this guy's bank accounts and credit cards are frozen, chances are you don't need him and his financial problems in your life.  Run and don't look back!!!

I'm sorry to sound so negative, but sadly many people get sucked in and robbed blind.  Someone who truly loves you would never put you in such a compromising position or steal from you.  After all, you haven't even met in person.  I suppose in some cases you might meet briefly then all of sudden they have to leave to work abroad, but even then be very, very careful.  In my experience, they all claimed to be away working when they made contact.  If they are in fact an engineer, own convertibles and properties it's highly unlikely they need your money.  Some food for thought!

Refer to the facts above and think twice!
Dateless in Ottawa