Several of my friends have ventured into the murky waters of online dating so I get to sit back and listen to their stories. Why go online when I can live vicariously through them?
I took a girlfriend out for lunch to celebrate her birthday and she confessed she went back online. She'd been in a relationship for over a year and sadly it came to an abrupt end just days before her birthday. I could sympathize, something similar happened to me years ago with the guy calling me the morning of my birthday party to tell me he'd cheated and it was over. Made for a great party with all of his friends there. It was aweful, we fought the entire night. He couldn't back out of the party since his friends were coming and it was too late to cancel. We tried to play good hosts, but failed miserably. Next time I'll just cancel and tell everyone why.
Anyways. I asked her how things were going with the online dating.
Me: "So, have you had any dates? How's it going?"
Her: "OMG, after about a week I had to hide my profile. I'm not sure I can do this. First of all it's all the same guys that have been on there for years and then there's all the creeps."
Me: "I'll be you have some good stories already."
Her: "Ha, ha, where do I start? This one guy asked me out for pizza. He was emailing on and off then texting and we finally picked a day. He was supposed to pick me up. About an hour before he was supposed to come and get me he texts."
Him: "So, do I bring my overnight bag?"
Me: "Are you kidding me? How old is this guy? Your first date and this is what he asks you?"
Her: "I know right? I wrote back, "No, absolutely not." Well he didn't show up, then 2 hours later he texts to tell me I can meet up with him at the bar he's at if I feel like it. Ok buddy, I'll be right there. NOT!"
Me: "Have you had any unusual dates?"
Her: "Get a hold of this one. I met a guy at IKEA."
Me: "IKEA? Ok, A+ for originality I suppose."
Her: "Yeah, hold on. So he wanted to meet for wine and suggests IKEA. I thought really, they don't sell wine at IKEA? He insisted they did and it would be fun. Whatever, I could do some shopping while I was there. So we met and it was awkward. We go to the restaurant to get some wine and surprise, surprise, they don't sell wine. Oh well, I had a beer instead and you're not going to believe what he got."
Me: "A beer too, obviously."
Her: "No, chocolate milk."
Me: "What? Are you kidding?"
Her: "I wish, but wait it gets better. So we're sitting on a couch trying to make small talk, but it was painfully obvious we had nothing in common. He was a teacher and his hobby is being a busker that juggles on stilts. I tried to be polite, but it was really weird with people walking by and others wanting to check out the tag on the couch."
Me: "Tag on the couch? Were you not sitting in the restaurant? I don't remember couches in the restaurant."
Her: "Oh no, he didn't want to sit in the restaurant. He thought it would be way more fun to sit in a show room."
Me: "What? OMG!" At this point I could not contain my laugher. I can just picture her sitting there on a show room couch with some guy sipping away on his little carton of chocolate milk having to move over every time someone needed to see the product tag.
Her: "Yeah, so that's how well it's going. Remember the psycho from 3 years ago?"
Me: "Oh no, not him?" This guy was stalking her, showing up at her house and work. It was really bad and he kept it up even when she was with her boyfriend who finally had to intervene and threaten to call the police and get a restraining order.
Her: "Oh yes, the one and only. I told him I wasn't interested and he is not to contact me again."
Me: "No wonder you've hidden your profile. Be careful with that one."
Wow, some things never change. Another girlfriend also decided to try it out and after receiving numerous messages soliciting sex, she deleted her profile. Oh well, I'll just offer an ear or a shoulder to cry on while listening to their stories. Can't wait for our next girl's night to hear more about their adventures in online dating.
Take care!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday, 25 June 2017
Wednesday, 17 May 2017
Dating - Hands and Feet matter
Hands are one of the first things I notice when I meet someone. They come in all shapes, sizes and colours. Long fingers, short fingers, very warm and strong, cold, gentle and soft. Some have jewellery, or tattoos, perhaps a watch there are countless variations. Feet are usually more hidden, but sooner or later they make an appearance. One thing I'd like to point out, you don't wear socks with sandals or nylons with open toed shoes. Major fashion faux pas. Sorry, had to get that off my chest! Lol
Hands can tell you a bit about a person. Their appearance and how they feel can give you an idea or hint about the kind of work they do for a living.
1. If they are blackened and greasy looking, perhaps they're a mechanic?
2. If they feel rough and there's dirt under the nails you know they definitely work with their hands. Maybe construction or a trade.
3. If they are smooth and clean, they probably have a white collar job and work in an office or they might be a bit metrosexual and go out of their way to make sure they look good! Lol
The appearance of a person's hands can also reflect on the person's level of hygiene. Dirty and unkept looking hands are not very appealing. The first thought that comes to my mind is, "He ain't touching me with those hands."
When a guy works in a trade or as a mechanic, I get it your hands get dirty, but there are products out there to clean them. Even something as simple as keeping your nails trimmed makes a huge difference. When nails are too long, dirt accumulates underneath them and all you see is a thick black line. Long and jagged nails don't look good either and can do a lot of damage, if you know what I mean. Feel free to ask for clarification, although it should be very obvious.
Keep in mind that your butt is cleaner than your hands to begin with. Hands touch all kinds of things on a regular basis putting them in contact with a multitude of germs and bacteria. When you don't wash them or remove the dirt from underneath your finger nails, you make it far worse and encourage bacteria to thrive.
I know I'm super anal and wash my hands any chance I get. All my friends laugh at me because I have wipes in my purse at all times. This dates back to when I started babysitting my best friend's baby. When I had my children, I always insisted people wash their hands before touching them. I can't stand it when my hands are dirty. Being an esthetician, I think back to my courses. The importance of nail hygiene to prevent fungal infections was hammered into us by our teacher. It's incredible how dirty our hands are. People think using hand sanitizer is the solution, but unless it has a minimum alcohol content of 70%, there's no point. Better than nothing I suppose, but good old fashioned soap and water is the best thing to use.
It really irks me when a guy touches my face after he's just finished eating with his hands or he was handling his car keys or money. My skin crawls. By the way, if you just finished a cigar, please go wash your hands although that smell lingers for days. Having sensitive skin, it doesn't take much to cause a breakout or rash. Please wash your hands before you touch me! It's amazing how many people don't realize or think. Common sense goes a long way.
Nail biters are annoying too, but I have to keep in mind that I used to bite my nails so badly they'd bleed. Nothing worse than trying to have a conversation with someone that constantly has their fingers in their mouth! Not to mention how ugly their nails and hands look. Thankfully I managed to stop that terrible habit and then went on to become a hand model of all things! Best paying job I've ever had. I have what the modelling industry considers perfect hands.
Ladies, if you're going to go to the trouble of painting your nails, keep them looking good. Chipped or worn off polish looks terrible. If you're a nail biter, don't bother with polish. Last thing you need to do is ingest formaldehyde and other chemicals I can't spell or pronounce which are found in most nail polishes.
At the end of the day, take pride in your overall appearance. Don't you want the person you're with to be able to touch you and have it feel good? This applies to men and women. There's no excuse. Don't get me wrong, there are times when dirty can be lots of fun...perhaps playing with food, glow in the dark body paint, chocolate, whatever your flavour. You make do with what you have and let the creative juices flow.
Just like cold hand or feet, nothing worse than hands or feet that feel like sandpaper against your skin or nails cutting you. That happened to me once. We were in bed and his toe nails were really long. While play fighting one of the nails cut the side of my foot open. It totally spoiled the mood and made a mess. Unbelievable how much a cut on your foot can bleed! There's all kinds of products and creams to help with dry skin. Yes, this also applies to your feet and toe nails. Bacteria creates odours so keep them clean and well trimmed too! Once in a while the rough and unkept look can be sexy, but there's a limit. If you can't be bothered to do it yourself, treat yourself to a manicure and a pedicure. You'll love it. Ladies like I've said before, if you can find a guy that enjoys manicure/pedicure dates with you, he's a keeper!
Go wash your hands!
Dateless in Ottawa
Hands can tell you a bit about a person. Their appearance and how they feel can give you an idea or hint about the kind of work they do for a living.
1. If they are blackened and greasy looking, perhaps they're a mechanic?
2. If they feel rough and there's dirt under the nails you know they definitely work with their hands. Maybe construction or a trade.
3. If they are smooth and clean, they probably have a white collar job and work in an office or they might be a bit metrosexual and go out of their way to make sure they look good! Lol
The appearance of a person's hands can also reflect on the person's level of hygiene. Dirty and unkept looking hands are not very appealing. The first thought that comes to my mind is, "He ain't touching me with those hands."
When a guy works in a trade or as a mechanic, I get it your hands get dirty, but there are products out there to clean them. Even something as simple as keeping your nails trimmed makes a huge difference. When nails are too long, dirt accumulates underneath them and all you see is a thick black line. Long and jagged nails don't look good either and can do a lot of damage, if you know what I mean. Feel free to ask for clarification, although it should be very obvious.
Keep in mind that your butt is cleaner than your hands to begin with. Hands touch all kinds of things on a regular basis putting them in contact with a multitude of germs and bacteria. When you don't wash them or remove the dirt from underneath your finger nails, you make it far worse and encourage bacteria to thrive.
I know I'm super anal and wash my hands any chance I get. All my friends laugh at me because I have wipes in my purse at all times. This dates back to when I started babysitting my best friend's baby. When I had my children, I always insisted people wash their hands before touching them. I can't stand it when my hands are dirty. Being an esthetician, I think back to my courses. The importance of nail hygiene to prevent fungal infections was hammered into us by our teacher. It's incredible how dirty our hands are. People think using hand sanitizer is the solution, but unless it has a minimum alcohol content of 70%, there's no point. Better than nothing I suppose, but good old fashioned soap and water is the best thing to use.
It really irks me when a guy touches my face after he's just finished eating with his hands or he was handling his car keys or money. My skin crawls. By the way, if you just finished a cigar, please go wash your hands although that smell lingers for days. Having sensitive skin, it doesn't take much to cause a breakout or rash. Please wash your hands before you touch me! It's amazing how many people don't realize or think. Common sense goes a long way.
Nail biters are annoying too, but I have to keep in mind that I used to bite my nails so badly they'd bleed. Nothing worse than trying to have a conversation with someone that constantly has their fingers in their mouth! Not to mention how ugly their nails and hands look. Thankfully I managed to stop that terrible habit and then went on to become a hand model of all things! Best paying job I've ever had. I have what the modelling industry considers perfect hands.
Ladies, if you're going to go to the trouble of painting your nails, keep them looking good. Chipped or worn off polish looks terrible. If you're a nail biter, don't bother with polish. Last thing you need to do is ingest formaldehyde and other chemicals I can't spell or pronounce which are found in most nail polishes.
At the end of the day, take pride in your overall appearance. Don't you want the person you're with to be able to touch you and have it feel good? This applies to men and women. There's no excuse. Don't get me wrong, there are times when dirty can be lots of fun...perhaps playing with food, glow in the dark body paint, chocolate, whatever your flavour. You make do with what you have and let the creative juices flow.
Just like cold hand or feet, nothing worse than hands or feet that feel like sandpaper against your skin or nails cutting you. That happened to me once. We were in bed and his toe nails were really long. While play fighting one of the nails cut the side of my foot open. It totally spoiled the mood and made a mess. Unbelievable how much a cut on your foot can bleed! There's all kinds of products and creams to help with dry skin. Yes, this also applies to your feet and toe nails. Bacteria creates odours so keep them clean and well trimmed too! Once in a while the rough and unkept look can be sexy, but there's a limit. If you can't be bothered to do it yourself, treat yourself to a manicure and a pedicure. You'll love it. Ladies like I've said before, if you can find a guy that enjoys manicure/pedicure dates with you, he's a keeper!
Go wash your hands!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday, 14 May 2017
Strange Interactions - Updated
For those of you have used or are using online dating, you encounter all kinds of individuals. We get our share of strange emails and interactions. Remaining friends is a great option when I meet a guy who is nice, but we just don't have the chemistry to build a relationship. Online dating can result in a number of different types of relationships, friendship being one of them. It could be because we have a hobby or interest in common. Career wise networking is important and different people can have skills that can add to our lives or help with advancement. Alternatively if I can help someone, it makes me feel good.
Over the years I've stayed friends with some of the guys I've met. Having someone you can call when a question comes up in an area of their expertise is awesome. Car repairs is a perfect example! Construction, taxes and computers are others. Nice to have people around whose company you enjoy. Why eat alone or spend a weekend at home bored?
Let's back track to bachelor #40 - Mr. Navy. Due to his indecisiveness (amoung other things), he was definitely not for me, but I enjoyed our conversations and later on my son was able to shadow him at work for a school project. Not long after I ended things, he met someone else. They're still together. We stay in touch casually on Facebook and went to a movie before he met his new girlfriend. The odd time we'll run into each other through work. Last time he was with a client and he went on and on about how great I was. The poor client was trying to talk business and at a loss for words. I finally excused myself, but he made it a point to come and find me before he left.
One day out of the blue he texted. We chatted for a bit. He caught me off guard because it was 1:00 am and he's not a night owl. He started sending me the lyrics of his favourite Spanish song. It sounded like he was melancholy and lonely, might have even been drinking because he wasn't making any sense. All of a sudden in mid conversation he says, "Exactly one year ago today we were tanning in my backyard." I didn't know what to say. When you're in a relationship with someone else, why contact someone you dated previously to mention that? Nice thing to remember on your anniversary when you're with the same person, but it seemed out of place especially since we only dated for a couple of weeks.
He sent a message for my birthday. A while later when planning a group trip to Cuba, he emailed to ask if I was interested in joining. I couldn't go at that time, but thanked him for thinking of me. Then he said we should meet for drinks so he could brush up on his Spanish. I found it odd and decided to call it a night. He had a bad track record for making plans, so if he wanted to meet for drinks he could make the plans. He made it a point to remind me that he was still going out with the same person. I told him I was seeing someone too. I didn't hear from him again for a long while.
Just recently he started texting again late one night. He mentioned he was going to Cuba with his girlfriend in a few weeks. I wished him a good trip then he asked me if I'd like to go with them. This seemed really odd. A vacation would be awesome, but I don't think that would be a good idea. I appreciated the offer, but turned him down. Then he says, "This weather has been so unpredictable. Two years ago today you and I were taking in the sun in my backyard." Ok, so now he's been with this chick for close to 2 years and apparently it's serious. Why contact me to reminisce about a date that happened 2 years ago and ask me to join them on their trip? Sure, I'll be the third wheel....NOT! Very weird if you ask me. How would he introduce me? This is ------, we dated for a couple of weeks and tanned in my backyard 2 years ago. Not too awkward, I'm sure his girlfriend would be thrilled to have me along.
I guess I should be grateful, interactions like these make life more interesting. Maybe next time I'll say yes to joining them on a trip. Wouldn't that be interesting. If it ever happens, I'll write a post on my blog and fill you all in! Lol
P.S. Had to add more to this post. So, there's a work event coming up in a few weeks and Mr. Navy wrote to ask me if I'd be there cause he can't wait to see me. For the life of me, I'll never understand men.
P.P.S. He found me at the work event. It was busy and he tried to carry on a conversation in Spanish. I had to get back to work. We hadn't seen each other in about a year. As we age we change, some for the better others....I'll leave it at that.
Have fun and feel free to share some of your unusual stories.
Dateless in Ottawa
Over the years I've stayed friends with some of the guys I've met. Having someone you can call when a question comes up in an area of their expertise is awesome. Car repairs is a perfect example! Construction, taxes and computers are others. Nice to have people around whose company you enjoy. Why eat alone or spend a weekend at home bored?
Let's back track to bachelor #40 - Mr. Navy. Due to his indecisiveness (amoung other things), he was definitely not for me, but I enjoyed our conversations and later on my son was able to shadow him at work for a school project. Not long after I ended things, he met someone else. They're still together. We stay in touch casually on Facebook and went to a movie before he met his new girlfriend. The odd time we'll run into each other through work. Last time he was with a client and he went on and on about how great I was. The poor client was trying to talk business and at a loss for words. I finally excused myself, but he made it a point to come and find me before he left.
One day out of the blue he texted. We chatted for a bit. He caught me off guard because it was 1:00 am and he's not a night owl. He started sending me the lyrics of his favourite Spanish song. It sounded like he was melancholy and lonely, might have even been drinking because he wasn't making any sense. All of a sudden in mid conversation he says, "Exactly one year ago today we were tanning in my backyard." I didn't know what to say. When you're in a relationship with someone else, why contact someone you dated previously to mention that? Nice thing to remember on your anniversary when you're with the same person, but it seemed out of place especially since we only dated for a couple of weeks.
He sent a message for my birthday. A while later when planning a group trip to Cuba, he emailed to ask if I was interested in joining. I couldn't go at that time, but thanked him for thinking of me. Then he said we should meet for drinks so he could brush up on his Spanish. I found it odd and decided to call it a night. He had a bad track record for making plans, so if he wanted to meet for drinks he could make the plans. He made it a point to remind me that he was still going out with the same person. I told him I was seeing someone too. I didn't hear from him again for a long while.
Just recently he started texting again late one night. He mentioned he was going to Cuba with his girlfriend in a few weeks. I wished him a good trip then he asked me if I'd like to go with them. This seemed really odd. A vacation would be awesome, but I don't think that would be a good idea. I appreciated the offer, but turned him down. Then he says, "This weather has been so unpredictable. Two years ago today you and I were taking in the sun in my backyard." Ok, so now he's been with this chick for close to 2 years and apparently it's serious. Why contact me to reminisce about a date that happened 2 years ago and ask me to join them on their trip? Sure, I'll be the third wheel....NOT! Very weird if you ask me. How would he introduce me? This is ------, we dated for a couple of weeks and tanned in my backyard 2 years ago. Not too awkward, I'm sure his girlfriend would be thrilled to have me along.
I guess I should be grateful, interactions like these make life more interesting. Maybe next time I'll say yes to joining them on a trip. Wouldn't that be interesting. If it ever happens, I'll write a post on my blog and fill you all in! Lol
P.S. Had to add more to this post. So, there's a work event coming up in a few weeks and Mr. Navy wrote to ask me if I'd be there cause he can't wait to see me. For the life of me, I'll never understand men.
P.P.S. He found me at the work event. It was busy and he tried to carry on a conversation in Spanish. I had to get back to work. We hadn't seen each other in about a year. As we age we change, some for the better others....I'll leave it at that.
Have fun and feel free to share some of your unusual stories.
Dateless in Ottawa
Thursday, 4 May 2017
Men, Vehicles and Dating
When it comes to cars, men are usually more knowledgeable than women. My husband was an exception. He didn't even know what a tune up was, I was floored! The year I turned 21 I bought my first car. It was a bright yellow, standard transmission Hyundai Scoupe with a cool black graphics package. I had to have a stick shift, it was so much fun. When I brought it home my Dad said I had to learn how to change a tire. Well, I spent the entire day taking them off and putting them back on. When I was done changing them about 4 times, Dad came over and said, "There, now you know how to take the jack out and change a tire. If ever you're out and get a flat tire don't call me, do it yourself." Soon after I learned how to pump my own gas, check the oil, verify the tire pressure and the basics under the hood. The dealership still managed to rip me off on numerous occasions, but I slowly learned all the terminology they use to trick women into unnecessary repairs.
Fast forward to men and dating. It's amazing the impact a vehicle can have on the way a woman is perceived. My Scoupe was a cute little sports car, exactly what many would figure was perfect for a girly girl. I will admit most guys weren't crazy about being seen in it. Then I got a Jeep TJ and all the guys wanted a ride in it, especially in the Summer with the top off! Funny cause they'd all say that was a guy vehicle. Boy do I still miss my Jeep, but after becoming a Mom everyone said I needed a safer vehicle because it was a soft top. I shouldn't have listened to them, mind you after baby #3 arrived I would've had no choice as you can't put a baby seat in the front passenger seat. Oh well, I will get another one eventually.
After the kids arrived, a mini-van was the most convenient and cost effective mode of transportation. Definitely not a sexy vehicle by any stretch of the imagination, but it was practical with lots of room for baby gear and extra friends too! It still works well for growing teenagers, sports and a dance Mom. Can't beat it when it comes to comfort, especially on long road trips. Show up for a date in the mini-van and you have Mom written all over your face!
Personally I've always loved larger vehicles. Most of it probably stems from the fact that my parents only bought full-sized station wagons. The best part was the flip up third row seat that faced the back. Growing up we fought over the back row, but as we got older we didn't want to get caught dead driving them. Mind you, when you were going out with a bunch of friends there was tons of room. Heck you could have a party in those suckers! For me it's the safety factor. I feel way safer in a big vehicle plus with our winters, they are far better on the road. My Scoupe was so light it was all over the place in the winter. I'd have to load the back trunk with salt or sand bags to weight it down. After that I swore I'd never buy another small car.
The Tahoe and the Yukon XL are my favourites. I'd also take a Suburban, but the older styles. The newer ones are way smaller and too sleek looking. With a large family, size matters!
Enter dating:
I love men's reactions when I arrive for a first date in my truck. A Chevy Silverado is not what a guy expects a women to show up in. Kind of gives me a rugged kind of tough look, but there I am in a dress and heels! Reactions vary, some good, others not so much. After a while I used these reactions to gauge whether or not there was going to be a second date. I think the bad ones were based more on vehicle envy and for me that was a major turn off. I won't tell you what to drive, so extend me the same courtesy. On the other hand, if I show up in the mini-van, I can't escape the Mom stereotype!
After one first date I remember going out to the parking lot and the gentleman saying, "Wait, don't tell me which car is yours. Let me guess." I knew he'd never think to pick the truck, but decided to play along for fun. The parking lot was full and sure enough, he started with all the small cars. Eventually there was only my truck left. He turned to me with a look of complete and utter disgust, "Please tell me that truck isn't yours." OMG, was he kidding me? He went on to lecture me about how he doesn't waste money on big cars, he just buys old second hand vehicles and drives them until they die. Funny, he drove an old Cavalier which looked like a Hotwheels car next to my truck. He had the nerve to say the truck had to go. Really, or else what? I think not, I told him the truck was staying and he was gone.
Another guy had an issue with the fact that the truck had belonged to my late husband. He insisted I had to sell it as I didn't need to have 2 vehicles. I love it when others decide what I should or shouldn't have. In this case I think vehicle envy played a huge roll given that my truck was a 4x4 and had a lot more features than his. He also said he'd never drive a truck that belonged to another man. Who asked him to drive my truck??? This coming from a guy who often bought second hand cars. So did he only buy them from women??? Hello, are we in kindergarten? Once again, nope I ain't selling it.
One time I arrived early and waited in the parking lot for my date. Not long afterwards, another truck pulled in and parked next to me. It was identical to mine, only red. Hey it was my date! He was shocked that I drove a truck, but thoroughly impressed. I thought it was so cool that we had matching trucks, sadly the relationship didn't go anywhere. He disappeared after a few weeks.
The best reaction I had was a guy freaking out over the truck. We spent forever in the parking lot looking under the hood and checking out all the features. He even asked if he could take it for a spin so we went for a drive. I let him drive. It was like watching a kid in a candy store. He thought it was awesome that I had a truck. Yes, he got a second date! Lol
Apart from the comments above, here's a few more:
1. I'm going to trade your truck in for a boat or a down payment on a cottage.
- Really? I don't remember agreeing to that, especially after only one date! Not too presumptuous.
2. You're not being environmentally friendly owing 2 large vehicles.
- Interestingly enough he also had 2 vehicles one of which was a much older model mini-van which would have been far less environmentally friendly than mine. Let's also keep in mind that I have 4 kids so I kind of need more room than most.
3. It's way too big, a beautiful lady like you shouldn't be driving this.
- Says who? Since when do looks determine what kind of vehicle you should drive?
4. That's a man's vehicle, we could just trade and you can drive my car.
- Yeah right, I don't think so. Not to mention his little compact car was worth far less than my truck.
5. What a waste of money, you must pay a fortune for insurance.
- They almost faint when they discover insurance for both of my vehicles is far less than what they pay for one.
Funny when guys are anal about their vehicle. In some cases it's like you to have to put plastic on the seats and remove your shoes before you get in. Can you make a person feel any more unwelcomed or uncomfortable? Never mind, I'll just follow you in my car. Then the opposite extreme where there's garbage everywhere and it wreaks like an ashtray or a garbage dumpster. You couldn't pay me to get in! Even more amusing when they go on and on about all the luxury cars they have and show up in an old rusted out jolopy. Of course the good car is in for servicing or storage - in the middle of Summer? Sure! Wait a minute, didn't you say you have 3 luxury vehicles? What's wrong with the other 2? Oh yeah, those are the imaginary ones. I'm not 18, so a BMW or a Porsche won't impress me, In all honesty, they never did. Show up in a Yukon XL or a Suburban and you'll have my complete and undivided attention! Lol
As I've said before, no point in lying because eventually the truth will come out. I could care less what a guy drives, just make sure you keep it somewhat clean if you expect me to get into it. Live and let live. We all have our preferences and financial limits. In my case I have 4 kids and it's not uncommon for me to have a couple of their friends or my nephews tag along so I need a larger vehicle. I'm paying for it so no one should be dictating to me what I should or shouldn't drive.
Things to keep in mind.
Dateless in Ottawa
Fast forward to men and dating. It's amazing the impact a vehicle can have on the way a woman is perceived. My Scoupe was a cute little sports car, exactly what many would figure was perfect for a girly girl. I will admit most guys weren't crazy about being seen in it. Then I got a Jeep TJ and all the guys wanted a ride in it, especially in the Summer with the top off! Funny cause they'd all say that was a guy vehicle. Boy do I still miss my Jeep, but after becoming a Mom everyone said I needed a safer vehicle because it was a soft top. I shouldn't have listened to them, mind you after baby #3 arrived I would've had no choice as you can't put a baby seat in the front passenger seat. Oh well, I will get another one eventually.
After the kids arrived, a mini-van was the most convenient and cost effective mode of transportation. Definitely not a sexy vehicle by any stretch of the imagination, but it was practical with lots of room for baby gear and extra friends too! It still works well for growing teenagers, sports and a dance Mom. Can't beat it when it comes to comfort, especially on long road trips. Show up for a date in the mini-van and you have Mom written all over your face!
Personally I've always loved larger vehicles. Most of it probably stems from the fact that my parents only bought full-sized station wagons. The best part was the flip up third row seat that faced the back. Growing up we fought over the back row, but as we got older we didn't want to get caught dead driving them. Mind you, when you were going out with a bunch of friends there was tons of room. Heck you could have a party in those suckers! For me it's the safety factor. I feel way safer in a big vehicle plus with our winters, they are far better on the road. My Scoupe was so light it was all over the place in the winter. I'd have to load the back trunk with salt or sand bags to weight it down. After that I swore I'd never buy another small car.
The Tahoe and the Yukon XL are my favourites. I'd also take a Suburban, but the older styles. The newer ones are way smaller and too sleek looking. With a large family, size matters!
Enter dating:
I love men's reactions when I arrive for a first date in my truck. A Chevy Silverado is not what a guy expects a women to show up in. Kind of gives me a rugged kind of tough look, but there I am in a dress and heels! Reactions vary, some good, others not so much. After a while I used these reactions to gauge whether or not there was going to be a second date. I think the bad ones were based more on vehicle envy and for me that was a major turn off. I won't tell you what to drive, so extend me the same courtesy. On the other hand, if I show up in the mini-van, I can't escape the Mom stereotype!
After one first date I remember going out to the parking lot and the gentleman saying, "Wait, don't tell me which car is yours. Let me guess." I knew he'd never think to pick the truck, but decided to play along for fun. The parking lot was full and sure enough, he started with all the small cars. Eventually there was only my truck left. He turned to me with a look of complete and utter disgust, "Please tell me that truck isn't yours." OMG, was he kidding me? He went on to lecture me about how he doesn't waste money on big cars, he just buys old second hand vehicles and drives them until they die. Funny, he drove an old Cavalier which looked like a Hotwheels car next to my truck. He had the nerve to say the truck had to go. Really, or else what? I think not, I told him the truck was staying and he was gone.
Another guy had an issue with the fact that the truck had belonged to my late husband. He insisted I had to sell it as I didn't need to have 2 vehicles. I love it when others decide what I should or shouldn't have. In this case I think vehicle envy played a huge roll given that my truck was a 4x4 and had a lot more features than his. He also said he'd never drive a truck that belonged to another man. Who asked him to drive my truck??? This coming from a guy who often bought second hand cars. So did he only buy them from women??? Hello, are we in kindergarten? Once again, nope I ain't selling it.
One time I arrived early and waited in the parking lot for my date. Not long afterwards, another truck pulled in and parked next to me. It was identical to mine, only red. Hey it was my date! He was shocked that I drove a truck, but thoroughly impressed. I thought it was so cool that we had matching trucks, sadly the relationship didn't go anywhere. He disappeared after a few weeks.
The best reaction I had was a guy freaking out over the truck. We spent forever in the parking lot looking under the hood and checking out all the features. He even asked if he could take it for a spin so we went for a drive. I let him drive. It was like watching a kid in a candy store. He thought it was awesome that I had a truck. Yes, he got a second date! Lol
Apart from the comments above, here's a few more:
1. I'm going to trade your truck in for a boat or a down payment on a cottage.
- Really? I don't remember agreeing to that, especially after only one date! Not too presumptuous.
2. You're not being environmentally friendly owing 2 large vehicles.
- Interestingly enough he also had 2 vehicles one of which was a much older model mini-van which would have been far less environmentally friendly than mine. Let's also keep in mind that I have 4 kids so I kind of need more room than most.
3. It's way too big, a beautiful lady like you shouldn't be driving this.
- Says who? Since when do looks determine what kind of vehicle you should drive?
4. That's a man's vehicle, we could just trade and you can drive my car.
- Yeah right, I don't think so. Not to mention his little compact car was worth far less than my truck.
5. What a waste of money, you must pay a fortune for insurance.
- They almost faint when they discover insurance for both of my vehicles is far less than what they pay for one.
Funny when guys are anal about their vehicle. In some cases it's like you to have to put plastic on the seats and remove your shoes before you get in. Can you make a person feel any more unwelcomed or uncomfortable? Never mind, I'll just follow you in my car. Then the opposite extreme where there's garbage everywhere and it wreaks like an ashtray or a garbage dumpster. You couldn't pay me to get in! Even more amusing when they go on and on about all the luxury cars they have and show up in an old rusted out jolopy. Of course the good car is in for servicing or storage - in the middle of Summer? Sure! Wait a minute, didn't you say you have 3 luxury vehicles? What's wrong with the other 2? Oh yeah, those are the imaginary ones. I'm not 18, so a BMW or a Porsche won't impress me, In all honesty, they never did. Show up in a Yukon XL or a Suburban and you'll have my complete and undivided attention! Lol
As I've said before, no point in lying because eventually the truth will come out. I could care less what a guy drives, just make sure you keep it somewhat clean if you expect me to get into it. Live and let live. We all have our preferences and financial limits. In my case I have 4 kids and it's not uncommon for me to have a couple of their friends or my nephews tag along so I need a larger vehicle. I'm paying for it so no one should be dictating to me what I should or shouldn't drive.
Things to keep in mind.
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday, 30 April 2017
Why? - Updated
Couldn't come up with a more descriptive title for this post, so decided to keep it simple. Ever meet someone and ask yourself why? You sit there looking at them dazed and confused. It could be for any number of reasons. Your mind goes racing with questions and you wonder whether this is truly happening.
Here are some things that leave me wondering why?
1. Hair trends
So, what's up with the man buns? I totally don't get them. They kind of remind me of the knot on a black garbage bag. For as long as I can remember, these are worn by ballerinas or a fancy way for a woman to put her hair up for a special event. A man bun is also appropriate if you're a summon wrestler or samurai which chances are most men are not. It's becoming increasingly popular and I can't for the life of me understand why a guy would think this makes him look attractive. Some even wear barrettes or head bands. If nothing else, to me it's more of a feminine look so if that's what they're after I guess it works! Sad when from behind you can't tell whether it's a man or a woman. Do they realize how they look?
The same can be said about older men growing their hair. Your hairline is receding, not to mention you're balding and you think this makes you look ______??? Cool, attractive and sexy are not anywhere near the top of the list of words that come to my mind. In general, most men can't pull off long hair. I think I can probably count on one hand how many guys I've met or seen that looked amazing with long hair, in fact some of them did a better job pulling it off than a woman would! Yes, you read that correctly. Not all women can pull off long hair either. But if you're going to grow it, shouldn't you do that in your teens when you have a full head of hair? To make it worse, they go and put it in a pony tail. Let's just further highlight the fact that you don't have much hair left. Sorry to point out the obvious, but this isn't a pony tail, it's a scrawny rat tail. Can't figure out why you would think this is attractive. I can totally understand how losing your hair would make you feel self conscious so you try to hold on to whatever strands you have left, but growing it only draws even more attention to what you're trying to hide in the first place! Men have a huge advantage over women in that they can shave their head and look totally sexy. You see a woman with a bald head and most will assume she's undergoing chemo therapy for cancer. Look at Vin Diesel, the Rock and Jason Statham to name a few. Yes, I love the Fast and the Furious, can you tell? I can't even picture these actors with hair! Actually, I've seen pictures of Vin with a full head of hair and he looks way better bald. Then there's Sean Connery, can a man look any sexier at 86? Think of it as the look of prosperity. Embrace it instead of fighting the inevitable and making yourself look worse.
If you play sports, short hair or a shaved head is way cleaner and easier to maintain. Remember, hygiene is very, very important and this includes your hair! Long hair is more work. I find it doesn't take long for it to look dirty and greasy, especially if you're constantly running your hands through it or use a lot of product. Add sweat and all I can say is gross, I'm not touching it. A head of greasy, dirty looking locks is not sexy. Wet and clean just out of the shower is a different story.
Comb overs. My Dad finally gave in and shaved his hair really short. It took years of convincing!That comb over was atrocious! OMG, it was horrible. We found it so embarrassing, people would do a double take when he walked by. Put him outside on a windy day and the comb over part would be hovering over his head flapping away as he fought to hold it down. A video clip of that would have been a contender for the top prize on "America's Funniest Home Videos." I find he looks younger, what a difference. Now he agrees and makes sure the minute it starts to grow, he gets it trimmed. Before he looked unkept and messy, not to mention way older that his age. His hair always looked dirty and greasy because of all the product he used to keep it all together and plastered to his head to cover the bald spot. I'll further add he's saving a fortune on hair products!
Are these trends a result of a mid-life crisis? For the young guys, I have no clue why you would do any of the above. Far worse when everyone is telling you how bad it looks and you insist on doing it anyways. It's no different than a woman dying her hair fushia? Really, why?
2. Clothes that don't fit properly or are dirty
If you just got off work, it makes sense. Maybe you headed straight to the bar for happy hour or to grab a drink to blow off some steam after a long day. Chances are the whole gang went there after work and you're all in your work clothes. If you happen to run into people you know, oh well it wasn't planned.
Ask a lady out for dinner to a nice restaurant and no, showing up in your dirty work clothes is not appropriate. If you had to work later than expected, change the time of the reservation or reschedule for another day. I always keep a change of clothes at work, guys could do the same especially if you know you have plans and might not be able to go home first. Showing up in dirty clothes is so not cool. This has happened to me a few times. Showing up in dirty jeans, steel toed boots and a t-shirt with stains all over it is a major turn off. Every now and then a woman likes the rugged look with the 5 o'clock shadow, but I don't think anyone appreciates dirty sweaty work clothes.
If your clothes don't fit, buy new ones. Nothing worse than clothing malfunctions. If you're pants are too big, wear a belt as I'm sure most won't appreciate your pants falling off in public. And just in case your pants might fall down, make sure you're wearing underwear that isn't full of holes or dirty! Not that anyone should have to tell you that. Growing up I remember just before going out, my Mother would always say, "Make sure you're wearing clean underwear in case you get into an accident!" Really? Thanks Mom, noted. Having to listen to you go on and on about how you're clothes don't fit all night isn't entertaining either. If your clothes don't fit, time to go shopping.
What about clothes that are very obviously worn out or damaged? Your wallet has made a hole in your back pocket, the belt has worn out the fabric on the front of your pants, there's a hole in the crotch, your zipper is broken and doesn't work (and no it didn't just break), buttons are missing from your shirt......How do you not notice? Did you not look in the mirror before you went out? You washed the pants so should see the holes or worn out parts. I don't know, maybe I'm too picky. Same as when a woman gets a run in her nylons. Take them off and pitch them, it looks terrible.
For women you don't need your breasts falling out of your top or dress. Some men might really like this, but I'm sure they don't want everyone else seeing it too. Save it for a private moment. Be careful with bathing suits too, especially a two-piece. I strongly suggest you do not wear a loose fitting two-piece to a water park as you're taking a huge risk. Gentlemen, please refrain from wearing speedos no matter how good you think you look in it. If they're a light colour which becomes transparent when wet, even worse. Spare others, especially children, the x-rated view.
Shoes also belong in this category. If they are all dirty, your toes are hanging out (and they aren't sandals) or they are full of holes, time for a new pair! I don't care how comfortable they are, save them for puttering around the home. You're dressed up and your shoes are all dirty and falling apart? My husband had a horrible habit of wearing his steel toed boots with everything. If he could have he would have worn them to bed too! He'd say they were the most comfortable pair of shoes he owned. Whatever, not when you are dressed up in a suit and definitely not when you're going out with me!
The little things make such a huge impact. Taking the time to look good for another says so much. It's not about being vane, just taking pride in your appearance. It shows that you care and are trying to make a good impression. Especially when meeting someone for the first time or in the early stages of a relationship. That said you should always take pride in your appearance, but you only get one shot at a good first impression. It's also about being adaptable. You're not always going to be dressed up, but when going out to an upper scale restaurant, gala or wedding, there is a certain etiquette attached.
Just my two cents and more!
Dateless in Ottawa
Here are some things that leave me wondering why?
1. Hair trends
So, what's up with the man buns? I totally don't get them. They kind of remind me of the knot on a black garbage bag. For as long as I can remember, these are worn by ballerinas or a fancy way for a woman to put her hair up for a special event. A man bun is also appropriate if you're a summon wrestler or samurai which chances are most men are not. It's becoming increasingly popular and I can't for the life of me understand why a guy would think this makes him look attractive. Some even wear barrettes or head bands. If nothing else, to me it's more of a feminine look so if that's what they're after I guess it works! Sad when from behind you can't tell whether it's a man or a woman. Do they realize how they look?
The same can be said about older men growing their hair. Your hairline is receding, not to mention you're balding and you think this makes you look ______??? Cool, attractive and sexy are not anywhere near the top of the list of words that come to my mind. In general, most men can't pull off long hair. I think I can probably count on one hand how many guys I've met or seen that looked amazing with long hair, in fact some of them did a better job pulling it off than a woman would! Yes, you read that correctly. Not all women can pull off long hair either. But if you're going to grow it, shouldn't you do that in your teens when you have a full head of hair? To make it worse, they go and put it in a pony tail. Let's just further highlight the fact that you don't have much hair left. Sorry to point out the obvious, but this isn't a pony tail, it's a scrawny rat tail. Can't figure out why you would think this is attractive. I can totally understand how losing your hair would make you feel self conscious so you try to hold on to whatever strands you have left, but growing it only draws even more attention to what you're trying to hide in the first place! Men have a huge advantage over women in that they can shave their head and look totally sexy. You see a woman with a bald head and most will assume she's undergoing chemo therapy for cancer. Look at Vin Diesel, the Rock and Jason Statham to name a few. Yes, I love the Fast and the Furious, can you tell? I can't even picture these actors with hair! Actually, I've seen pictures of Vin with a full head of hair and he looks way better bald. Then there's Sean Connery, can a man look any sexier at 86? Think of it as the look of prosperity. Embrace it instead of fighting the inevitable and making yourself look worse.
If you play sports, short hair or a shaved head is way cleaner and easier to maintain. Remember, hygiene is very, very important and this includes your hair! Long hair is more work. I find it doesn't take long for it to look dirty and greasy, especially if you're constantly running your hands through it or use a lot of product. Add sweat and all I can say is gross, I'm not touching it. A head of greasy, dirty looking locks is not sexy. Wet and clean just out of the shower is a different story.
Comb overs. My Dad finally gave in and shaved his hair really short. It took years of convincing!That comb over was atrocious! OMG, it was horrible. We found it so embarrassing, people would do a double take when he walked by. Put him outside on a windy day and the comb over part would be hovering over his head flapping away as he fought to hold it down. A video clip of that would have been a contender for the top prize on "America's Funniest Home Videos." I find he looks younger, what a difference. Now he agrees and makes sure the minute it starts to grow, he gets it trimmed. Before he looked unkept and messy, not to mention way older that his age. His hair always looked dirty and greasy because of all the product he used to keep it all together and plastered to his head to cover the bald spot. I'll further add he's saving a fortune on hair products!
Are these trends a result of a mid-life crisis? For the young guys, I have no clue why you would do any of the above. Far worse when everyone is telling you how bad it looks and you insist on doing it anyways. It's no different than a woman dying her hair fushia? Really, why?
2. Clothes that don't fit properly or are dirty
If you just got off work, it makes sense. Maybe you headed straight to the bar for happy hour or to grab a drink to blow off some steam after a long day. Chances are the whole gang went there after work and you're all in your work clothes. If you happen to run into people you know, oh well it wasn't planned.
Ask a lady out for dinner to a nice restaurant and no, showing up in your dirty work clothes is not appropriate. If you had to work later than expected, change the time of the reservation or reschedule for another day. I always keep a change of clothes at work, guys could do the same especially if you know you have plans and might not be able to go home first. Showing up in dirty clothes is so not cool. This has happened to me a few times. Showing up in dirty jeans, steel toed boots and a t-shirt with stains all over it is a major turn off. Every now and then a woman likes the rugged look with the 5 o'clock shadow, but I don't think anyone appreciates dirty sweaty work clothes.
If your clothes don't fit, buy new ones. Nothing worse than clothing malfunctions. If you're pants are too big, wear a belt as I'm sure most won't appreciate your pants falling off in public. And just in case your pants might fall down, make sure you're wearing underwear that isn't full of holes or dirty! Not that anyone should have to tell you that. Growing up I remember just before going out, my Mother would always say, "Make sure you're wearing clean underwear in case you get into an accident!" Really? Thanks Mom, noted. Having to listen to you go on and on about how you're clothes don't fit all night isn't entertaining either. If your clothes don't fit, time to go shopping.
What about clothes that are very obviously worn out or damaged? Your wallet has made a hole in your back pocket, the belt has worn out the fabric on the front of your pants, there's a hole in the crotch, your zipper is broken and doesn't work (and no it didn't just break), buttons are missing from your shirt......How do you not notice? Did you not look in the mirror before you went out? You washed the pants so should see the holes or worn out parts. I don't know, maybe I'm too picky. Same as when a woman gets a run in her nylons. Take them off and pitch them, it looks terrible.
For women you don't need your breasts falling out of your top or dress. Some men might really like this, but I'm sure they don't want everyone else seeing it too. Save it for a private moment. Be careful with bathing suits too, especially a two-piece. I strongly suggest you do not wear a loose fitting two-piece to a water park as you're taking a huge risk. Gentlemen, please refrain from wearing speedos no matter how good you think you look in it. If they're a light colour which becomes transparent when wet, even worse. Spare others, especially children, the x-rated view.
Shoes also belong in this category. If they are all dirty, your toes are hanging out (and they aren't sandals) or they are full of holes, time for a new pair! I don't care how comfortable they are, save them for puttering around the home. You're dressed up and your shoes are all dirty and falling apart? My husband had a horrible habit of wearing his steel toed boots with everything. If he could have he would have worn them to bed too! He'd say they were the most comfortable pair of shoes he owned. Whatever, not when you are dressed up in a suit and definitely not when you're going out with me!
The little things make such a huge impact. Taking the time to look good for another says so much. It's not about being vane, just taking pride in your appearance. It shows that you care and are trying to make a good impression. Especially when meeting someone for the first time or in the early stages of a relationship. That said you should always take pride in your appearance, but you only get one shot at a good first impression. It's also about being adaptable. You're not always going to be dressed up, but when going out to an upper scale restaurant, gala or wedding, there is a certain etiquette attached.
Just my two cents and more!
Dateless in Ottawa
Thursday, 20 April 2017
Nice things that got my attention
Over the years I've been very fortunate to receive many kind gestures and surprises from my significant others and/or dates. Below are some of the ones that stand out most, but I'm sure there are many more.
1. He surprised me at work with heart shaped bagels he had custom made for me.
2. Bringing me mini-bagels for my kids. As much as I love to be surprised, if you think of my kids you score double the brownie points!
3. On our first date, he gave me my favourite chocolate bar. During one of our very first telephone conversations we briefly mentioned treats we liked as kids. The fact that he remembered what I had said really impressed me.
4. I went away on holidays and when I got back, he had taken care of all of the landscaping. The lawn looked amazing, even my neighbours were jealous.
5. We hadn't been dating long and he had invited me over for dinner. While he was cooking I got a message that a close friend had passed away. I was a mess, but he didn't flinch and was extremely supportive. He brought out a box of Kleenex and let me cry on his shoulder. Then I sat and made what seemed like a hundred phone calls. Our plans were ruined, but he didn't complain once.
6. I was meeting a date for lunch in the Glebe. We all know how hard it is to get parking. My date had arrived early, parked his car, found a spot for me, paid for the parking voucher and stood in the spot until I arrived. Who does that? Looking back I still can't believe he did that.
7. A guy who lived over a half hour away always insisted on picking me up and dropping me off, even when we were going out in his neighbourhood. I felt horrible and insisted on meeting him there. His response, "But if I pick you up, I get to spend another hour with you I wouldn't be able to otherwise." Awwwe!
8. He took my van to put air in the tires and brought it back all detailed.
9. I was having a bad week. Friday morning he called and told me not to worry about dinner. He showed up with a feast. The kids were happy, I didn't have to cook, clean up or do dishes. Bonus!
10. We had planned a girls spa day at the Nordik. When I arrived there was an envelope with my name on it. My guy had prepaid my spa day and paid for a round of drinks for all of us. Scored him major brownie points with my friends.
11. Flowers for no reason. Bonus if they're my favorite flower.
12. Surprising me with a weekend get-away.
13. Cooking me dinner.
14. Delivering lunch to me at work when you know I have a crazy day and no time to run out and grab something to eat.
15. A dimly lit bathroom, tub filled with bubble bath, candles, soft music and my favourite drink!
16. Making me a music CD. I have to elaborate on this one. So the gentleman I was dating asked me for names of songs he might like to load onto his ipod. Me not thinking just rhymed off a bunch of songs I liked. During a road trip he thought he'd surprise me and play the mix he made. Well first song comes on and it's "Here and Now" the first song I danced to with my late husband so I start bawling uncontrollably. He reaches over to change the song, next one up, "Unchained Melody" the song my late husband sang to me at our wedding. OMG, what a scene that must have been. He couldn't figure out how to turn it off, he's trying to drive and I was in total melt down mode. Poor guy tried so hard to impress me and it completely back fired. Not to worry, he made me several more mixes after that.
17. Made me breakfast to go and cut up the grilled cheese so I could eat it easily while driving.
18. Bring me a coffee exactly the way I like it.
19. Go shopping with me and hold my purse while I try stuff on and give me your honest opinions on how the clothes and/or shoes look on me.
Ok, then there's the simple things:
20. A kiss on the forehead.
21. A massage.
22. Wiping my tears.
23. Renting a Jacuzzi suite for the night.
24. Watching "The Notebook" with me.
25. Vacuuming the house. OMG, this scores you unlimited brownie points! You want to get my attention, this will totally do it.
26. Make me laugh so hard I cry or spit out my drink.
27. Giving me a card you made.
28. Being able to sit in a room with a guy or drive for hours without having to turn on the TV or radio with no awkward moments or worrying about what the other person is thinking during the silent times.
29. A hug.
30. Admit when you're wrong and apologize.
31. Play with my hair.
32. Tell me how beautiful I look, even after I've been crying and look like a raccoon!
Wow, I'm on a roll. I didn't realize how many there were and I still have tons more I could list! Enough said, this should give you more than enough ideas.
Let me know how it goes!
Dateless in Ottawa
1. He surprised me at work with heart shaped bagels he had custom made for me.
2. Bringing me mini-bagels for my kids. As much as I love to be surprised, if you think of my kids you score double the brownie points!
3. On our first date, he gave me my favourite chocolate bar. During one of our very first telephone conversations we briefly mentioned treats we liked as kids. The fact that he remembered what I had said really impressed me.
4. I went away on holidays and when I got back, he had taken care of all of the landscaping. The lawn looked amazing, even my neighbours were jealous.
5. We hadn't been dating long and he had invited me over for dinner. While he was cooking I got a message that a close friend had passed away. I was a mess, but he didn't flinch and was extremely supportive. He brought out a box of Kleenex and let me cry on his shoulder. Then I sat and made what seemed like a hundred phone calls. Our plans were ruined, but he didn't complain once.
6. I was meeting a date for lunch in the Glebe. We all know how hard it is to get parking. My date had arrived early, parked his car, found a spot for me, paid for the parking voucher and stood in the spot until I arrived. Who does that? Looking back I still can't believe he did that.
7. A guy who lived over a half hour away always insisted on picking me up and dropping me off, even when we were going out in his neighbourhood. I felt horrible and insisted on meeting him there. His response, "But if I pick you up, I get to spend another hour with you I wouldn't be able to otherwise." Awwwe!
8. He took my van to put air in the tires and brought it back all detailed.
9. I was having a bad week. Friday morning he called and told me not to worry about dinner. He showed up with a feast. The kids were happy, I didn't have to cook, clean up or do dishes. Bonus!
10. We had planned a girls spa day at the Nordik. When I arrived there was an envelope with my name on it. My guy had prepaid my spa day and paid for a round of drinks for all of us. Scored him major brownie points with my friends.
11. Flowers for no reason. Bonus if they're my favorite flower.
12. Surprising me with a weekend get-away.
13. Cooking me dinner.
14. Delivering lunch to me at work when you know I have a crazy day and no time to run out and grab something to eat.
15. A dimly lit bathroom, tub filled with bubble bath, candles, soft music and my favourite drink!
16. Making me a music CD. I have to elaborate on this one. So the gentleman I was dating asked me for names of songs he might like to load onto his ipod. Me not thinking just rhymed off a bunch of songs I liked. During a road trip he thought he'd surprise me and play the mix he made. Well first song comes on and it's "Here and Now" the first song I danced to with my late husband so I start bawling uncontrollably. He reaches over to change the song, next one up, "Unchained Melody" the song my late husband sang to me at our wedding. OMG, what a scene that must have been. He couldn't figure out how to turn it off, he's trying to drive and I was in total melt down mode. Poor guy tried so hard to impress me and it completely back fired. Not to worry, he made me several more mixes after that.
17. Made me breakfast to go and cut up the grilled cheese so I could eat it easily while driving.
18. Bring me a coffee exactly the way I like it.
19. Go shopping with me and hold my purse while I try stuff on and give me your honest opinions on how the clothes and/or shoes look on me.
Ok, then there's the simple things:
20. A kiss on the forehead.
21. A massage.
22. Wiping my tears.
23. Renting a Jacuzzi suite for the night.
24. Watching "The Notebook" with me.
25. Vacuuming the house. OMG, this scores you unlimited brownie points! You want to get my attention, this will totally do it.
26. Make me laugh so hard I cry or spit out my drink.
27. Giving me a card you made.
28. Being able to sit in a room with a guy or drive for hours without having to turn on the TV or radio with no awkward moments or worrying about what the other person is thinking during the silent times.
29. A hug.
30. Admit when you're wrong and apologize.
31. Play with my hair.
32. Tell me how beautiful I look, even after I've been crying and look like a raccoon!
Wow, I'm on a roll. I didn't realize how many there were and I still have tons more I could list! Enough said, this should give you more than enough ideas.
Let me know how it goes!
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday, 19 April 2017
Things to make your guy go Hmmmm...
As I mentioned in my previous post, I think guys are a little easier to please than women. Of course you'll have people sitting on either extreme of the scale, but you have nothing to lose and so much to gain!
Things that have worked for me:
1. Lingerie
- I had to put this one first, although I've dated 2 guys that totally hated it and felt it was a complete waste of money. I was so disappointed, who doesn't like lingerie??? Even I love to wear it whether I'm single or attached, makes me feel sexy. Get something in his favourite colour. Show up in a trench coat with nothing on underneath! The options are endless....
2. Prepare his favourite meal and have a romantic dinner at home
- What has the biggest impact? Slaving away making his favourite meal from scratch when he doesn't expect it. My Mother always said, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach". Add some candles, soft music in the background and away you go. Yes, lingerie might be a good idea too! Lol
3. Give him a massage
- This will usually make a guy melt. If you can, take a basic massage course. You won't regret it!
4. Surprise him at work on a smoldering hot day with his favourite cold drink
- Keep it simple. Amazing the effect an ice cold bottle of water has when your guy is doing physical labour in 40 degrees of heat with humidity.
5. Make him heart shaped cookies or cheese cake in his favourite flavor of course
- It will be a nice sweet surprise.
6. Do an activity your guy enjoys
- Go out and shoot some pool or play golf. You might not necessarily like the same things he does, but making an effort will score you major brownie points. I suck at pool, but my date had a blast and laughed all night long at my expense. I would totally do it again. He was impressed that I made the effort to do something different. Not sure I'd be able to convince a guy to join me at yoga class, but who knows!
7. Send him a racy text or email
- You want to get his complete and undivided attention? This will work. Just be mindful not to get too carried away as you never know where in cyberspace your message or pictures could end up. If it's a work email address, be cautious you don't want the wrong person reading it.
8. Give him a pedicure
- Many men think pedicures are a waste of time and a sign that a woman is high maintenance. They just don't get why women get pedicures. With the exception of my husband who hated anyone touching his feet, I tell you this too will make your man melt and he'll look forward to pedicure dates with you. Ladies, any man who will agree to pedicure dates is a keeper! His hands might need a manicure too, but one thing at a time you don't want to overwhelm him. Lol
9. Buy him tickets to a sporting event and send him with his friends
- We all need time out with our best buds to let loose and catch up. This is a great gesture that he'll thoroughly enjoy, at least most guys will. Besides, distance makes the heart grow fonder so be ready when he comes home.
10. Surprise him with a night at the Nordik
- This is a great way to relax and decompress after a long week. If you can squeeze in a couples massage, bonus. Simply hanging out in the baths, sharing some appetizers and having a few drinks under the stars makes for a perfect romantic night.
11. Running my finger nails up and down a guy's back usually gets his attention
- I have long nails and I find men squirm in delight when I run my nails up and down their back, chest or arms. I've been told it feels amazing and there's minimal effort required on my part.
12. Get him a gift
- It could be something he collects or that has a special meaning. His favorite chocolate bar, a key chain, vintage toy, whatever. At the end of the day it's the thought that counts. Remember, the best things come in small packages.
13. Make him a music CD
- Pick songs that have special meaning to the both of you mixed in with some of his favourite tunes that don't play on the radio often. When he plays it, he'll think of you.
14. Leave him a sexy voice message
- Planting a seed of anticipation couldn't be easier.
15. Bring them meds and soup when they're sick
- We all know how serious and debilitating a cold can be for a man. Not to mention they usually won't seek medical attention. Bring them some home made soup and a bottle of Advil, Tylenol or cough syrup. They'll never forget and owe you big time. Lol
16. Leave a note in a pocket or somewhere he's bound to find it
- Put it his lunch box, coat pocket, boot, on the seat of his truck, anywhere. What a nice and unexpected surprise just to let him know you're thinking about him.
17. Breakfast in bed
- Who doesn't like to be pampered? Plus, why get out of bed on a lazy weekend if you don't have to?
All of the above have worked for me and many of my friends. Talking to my guy friends, they totally agree they would appreciate most of these gestures. I'm working on convincing them they'd love a pedicure and a manicure too! ;)
Obviously if you're in a long-term relationship or married, you can be far more elaborate and perhaps a bit racy. No one knows your mate better than you do, so you can decide what, when, where and how. The sky is the limit, be creative and don't hold back.
Give it a try, you have nothing to lose!
Dateless in Ottawa
Things that have worked for me:
1. Lingerie
- I had to put this one first, although I've dated 2 guys that totally hated it and felt it was a complete waste of money. I was so disappointed, who doesn't like lingerie??? Even I love to wear it whether I'm single or attached, makes me feel sexy. Get something in his favourite colour. Show up in a trench coat with nothing on underneath! The options are endless....
2. Prepare his favourite meal and have a romantic dinner at home
- What has the biggest impact? Slaving away making his favourite meal from scratch when he doesn't expect it. My Mother always said, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach". Add some candles, soft music in the background and away you go. Yes, lingerie might be a good idea too! Lol
3. Give him a massage
- This will usually make a guy melt. If you can, take a basic massage course. You won't regret it!
4. Surprise him at work on a smoldering hot day with his favourite cold drink
- Keep it simple. Amazing the effect an ice cold bottle of water has when your guy is doing physical labour in 40 degrees of heat with humidity.
5. Make him heart shaped cookies or cheese cake in his favourite flavor of course
- It will be a nice sweet surprise.
6. Do an activity your guy enjoys
- Go out and shoot some pool or play golf. You might not necessarily like the same things he does, but making an effort will score you major brownie points. I suck at pool, but my date had a blast and laughed all night long at my expense. I would totally do it again. He was impressed that I made the effort to do something different. Not sure I'd be able to convince a guy to join me at yoga class, but who knows!
7. Send him a racy text or email
- You want to get his complete and undivided attention? This will work. Just be mindful not to get too carried away as you never know where in cyberspace your message or pictures could end up. If it's a work email address, be cautious you don't want the wrong person reading it.
8. Give him a pedicure
- Many men think pedicures are a waste of time and a sign that a woman is high maintenance. They just don't get why women get pedicures. With the exception of my husband who hated anyone touching his feet, I tell you this too will make your man melt and he'll look forward to pedicure dates with you. Ladies, any man who will agree to pedicure dates is a keeper! His hands might need a manicure too, but one thing at a time you don't want to overwhelm him. Lol
9. Buy him tickets to a sporting event and send him with his friends
- We all need time out with our best buds to let loose and catch up. This is a great gesture that he'll thoroughly enjoy, at least most guys will. Besides, distance makes the heart grow fonder so be ready when he comes home.
10. Surprise him with a night at the Nordik
- This is a great way to relax and decompress after a long week. If you can squeeze in a couples massage, bonus. Simply hanging out in the baths, sharing some appetizers and having a few drinks under the stars makes for a perfect romantic night.
11. Running my finger nails up and down a guy's back usually gets his attention
- I have long nails and I find men squirm in delight when I run my nails up and down their back, chest or arms. I've been told it feels amazing and there's minimal effort required on my part.
12. Get him a gift
- It could be something he collects or that has a special meaning. His favorite chocolate bar, a key chain, vintage toy, whatever. At the end of the day it's the thought that counts. Remember, the best things come in small packages.
13. Make him a music CD
- Pick songs that have special meaning to the both of you mixed in with some of his favourite tunes that don't play on the radio often. When he plays it, he'll think of you.
14. Leave him a sexy voice message
- Planting a seed of anticipation couldn't be easier.
15. Bring them meds and soup when they're sick
- We all know how serious and debilitating a cold can be for a man. Not to mention they usually won't seek medical attention. Bring them some home made soup and a bottle of Advil, Tylenol or cough syrup. They'll never forget and owe you big time. Lol
16. Leave a note in a pocket or somewhere he's bound to find it
- Put it his lunch box, coat pocket, boot, on the seat of his truck, anywhere. What a nice and unexpected surprise just to let him know you're thinking about him.
17. Breakfast in bed
- Who doesn't like to be pampered? Plus, why get out of bed on a lazy weekend if you don't have to?
All of the above have worked for me and many of my friends. Talking to my guy friends, they totally agree they would appreciate most of these gestures. I'm working on convincing them they'd love a pedicure and a manicure too! ;)
Obviously if you're in a long-term relationship or married, you can be far more elaborate and perhaps a bit racy. No one knows your mate better than you do, so you can decide what, when, where and how. The sky is the limit, be creative and don't hold back.
Give it a try, you have nothing to lose!
Dateless in Ottawa
Saturday, 15 April 2017
Things that make you go Hmmmm
Life can be so crazy we barely get a chance to stop and smell the flowers, but when someone does something nice unexpectedly, it makes your day. These little things, when done for your significant other, can bring your relationship to another level. In guy terms, it will score you major brownie points and ultimately sex! Did I get your attention? Lol
I can't speak for everyone, but I know I greatly appreciate it when someone takes the time to do something special for me. It doesn't have to be big or expensive, the simplest gesture can make the biggest impact. As the saying goes, "Big things come in small packages".
Some examples of little things strangers have done that made my day:
1. I was on my way to an appointment at the hospital driving around trying to find a spot. Finally someone was leaving so I waited and parked. The car had initially left, but as I stepped out of my car the gentleman returned. He got out of his car and ran over to me.
Him: Good morning, wait before you put money into the machine, here's my ticket. There's over a half hour left, no point in wasting money if you don't have to.
Me: Thank you so much, have a wonderful day!
Him: You're very welcome, good luck with your appointment.
I was very touched. He didn't have to come back and give me his ticket, I'm sure he had somewhere to be. It was a very kind gesture and he put a smile on my face. Great way to start the day!
2. One evening walking through the parking lot towards the entrance to the grocery store, a car suddenly sped up and slammed his brakes right in front of me. It was a gentleman driving and he rolled down his window. Of course I assumed the worse and stepped back wondering what was going on.
Him: Good evening Ma'am, sorry to startle you, but I saw your beautiful hair from across the parking lot and had to pay you a compliment.
Me: Thank you, thank you very much.
Him: Have a wonderful evening.
Me: Thank you and you also.
Always nice to receive an unsolicited compliment, especially from a stranger! Not sure I'd scare the crap out of someone before delivering a nice compliment, but that was his style and it certainly got my attention.
3. I had to go out and pick up some uniforms for my employees. I brought a new employee with me so she would know where to go next time. I hadn't been to the store in about a year. We walked in and were greeted immediately. Out from the back came the owner.
Him: Hey, how are you? Haven't seen you in ages. Government right, you're with -----?
Me: Yes, great memory.
Him: Wait, your name. Give me a second. ------!
Me: Wow, you're really good!
My employee was stunned, especially when she asked how often I go in there and I told her it had been over a year. Being remembered when I go into a store, makes me feel appreciated. When they address me by my name, even more so. The fact that he always goes the extra mile to make sure I get my order asap keeps me going back.
Being unforgettable in retail can be a bad thing, but don't worry, I'm not one of those nightmare customers we hope will never return. I remember those from my days in retail. I want to make a good impression and show gratitude when I receive good service.
4. On my way to visit family with the kids, a gentleman from WestJet saw us coming into the airport and immediately came over and helped with our bags. I was carrying the baby and we had all the luggage with my other three straggling behind.
Him: Good morning, your hands are full so let me help out a bit.
Me: No worries, I have my three helpers.
Him: I'm on my break, I insist it's no trouble at all.
Me: Don't waste your break, you have a long day ahead of you.
Him: Not a waste, it will be my pleasure. Follow me guys, we'll go right to the front and get you checked in.
He helped with all the bags, got us to the front of the line and waited to make sure I didn't need any help getting to security. We had a stroller and car seat, he took them over to the oversized luggage area for us then wished us a safe trip and fun holiday.
These are just a few examples, but every single one made me smile and brightened my day.
When it comes to dating and relationships, there's so much we can do to make the other person feel special. Here's a few examples that work for me:
1. I'm a total sucker for chivalry, so open doors for me, help me with my bags, offer me your seat on a crowded bus, etc. and you've got my complete and undivided attention.
2. Surprises like showing up with my favourite chocolate or flowers.
3. Remembering special days or anniversaries.
4. Don't just buy me a generic card, write me a meaningful message. It could be on a sticky note, but your words mean far more than any Hallmark card's.
5. Have the tub filled, candles lit and soft music playing in the background when I get home after a long shift.
6. Personally deliver lunch to my work when you know I have a long day ahead and didn't pack anything or forgot it on the counter.
4. Plan a surprise date night incorporating things I like.
5. When buying me a gift, get to know what I like or when in doubt don't be afraid to check with my kids or my girlfriends.
I'll have to write more stories about things guys did on dates to further illustrate how easy it is to make someone's day. From a woman's perspective, there's so much you can do to make your guy feel special. I think guys are far easier to please. Stay tuned, take notes and give it a shot. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain!
Dateless in Ottawa
I can't speak for everyone, but I know I greatly appreciate it when someone takes the time to do something special for me. It doesn't have to be big or expensive, the simplest gesture can make the biggest impact. As the saying goes, "Big things come in small packages".
Some examples of little things strangers have done that made my day:
1. I was on my way to an appointment at the hospital driving around trying to find a spot. Finally someone was leaving so I waited and parked. The car had initially left, but as I stepped out of my car the gentleman returned. He got out of his car and ran over to me.
Him: Good morning, wait before you put money into the machine, here's my ticket. There's over a half hour left, no point in wasting money if you don't have to.
Me: Thank you so much, have a wonderful day!
Him: You're very welcome, good luck with your appointment.
I was very touched. He didn't have to come back and give me his ticket, I'm sure he had somewhere to be. It was a very kind gesture and he put a smile on my face. Great way to start the day!
2. One evening walking through the parking lot towards the entrance to the grocery store, a car suddenly sped up and slammed his brakes right in front of me. It was a gentleman driving and he rolled down his window. Of course I assumed the worse and stepped back wondering what was going on.
Him: Good evening Ma'am, sorry to startle you, but I saw your beautiful hair from across the parking lot and had to pay you a compliment.
Me: Thank you, thank you very much.
Him: Have a wonderful evening.
Me: Thank you and you also.
Always nice to receive an unsolicited compliment, especially from a stranger! Not sure I'd scare the crap out of someone before delivering a nice compliment, but that was his style and it certainly got my attention.
3. I had to go out and pick up some uniforms for my employees. I brought a new employee with me so she would know where to go next time. I hadn't been to the store in about a year. We walked in and were greeted immediately. Out from the back came the owner.
Him: Hey, how are you? Haven't seen you in ages. Government right, you're with -----?
Me: Yes, great memory.
Him: Wait, your name. Give me a second. ------!
Me: Wow, you're really good!
My employee was stunned, especially when she asked how often I go in there and I told her it had been over a year. Being remembered when I go into a store, makes me feel appreciated. When they address me by my name, even more so. The fact that he always goes the extra mile to make sure I get my order asap keeps me going back.
Being unforgettable in retail can be a bad thing, but don't worry, I'm not one of those nightmare customers we hope will never return. I remember those from my days in retail. I want to make a good impression and show gratitude when I receive good service.
4. On my way to visit family with the kids, a gentleman from WestJet saw us coming into the airport and immediately came over and helped with our bags. I was carrying the baby and we had all the luggage with my other three straggling behind.
Him: Good morning, your hands are full so let me help out a bit.
Me: No worries, I have my three helpers.
Him: I'm on my break, I insist it's no trouble at all.
Me: Don't waste your break, you have a long day ahead of you.
Him: Not a waste, it will be my pleasure. Follow me guys, we'll go right to the front and get you checked in.
He helped with all the bags, got us to the front of the line and waited to make sure I didn't need any help getting to security. We had a stroller and car seat, he took them over to the oversized luggage area for us then wished us a safe trip and fun holiday.
These are just a few examples, but every single one made me smile and brightened my day.
When it comes to dating and relationships, there's so much we can do to make the other person feel special. Here's a few examples that work for me:
1. I'm a total sucker for chivalry, so open doors for me, help me with my bags, offer me your seat on a crowded bus, etc. and you've got my complete and undivided attention.
2. Surprises like showing up with my favourite chocolate or flowers.
3. Remembering special days or anniversaries.
4. Don't just buy me a generic card, write me a meaningful message. It could be on a sticky note, but your words mean far more than any Hallmark card's.
5. Have the tub filled, candles lit and soft music playing in the background when I get home after a long shift.
6. Personally deliver lunch to my work when you know I have a long day ahead and didn't pack anything or forgot it on the counter.
4. Plan a surprise date night incorporating things I like.
5. When buying me a gift, get to know what I like or when in doubt don't be afraid to check with my kids or my girlfriends.
I'll have to write more stories about things guys did on dates to further illustrate how easy it is to make someone's day. From a woman's perspective, there's so much you can do to make your guy feel special. I think guys are far easier to please. Stay tuned, take notes and give it a shot. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain!
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday, 12 April 2017
Are you ready to date?
I ask myself this question a million times and the answer is always different. On the surface I have to say yes, but when I look deep down inside I'm not so sure. Who doesn't feel lonely or like the third wheel when it seems like everyone around you is in a relationship? Of course I enjoy any excuse to get out. If I can meet someone nice to engage it endless conversation or do an activity I enjoy with, all the better. Doesn't help when older family friends of my parents ask, "What's wrong with you? How can you not meet a man when you're constantly surrounded by them at work?" I just smile and nod.
As much as I loved being married and feeling like I was a part of something bigger, when my husband took his life I was left feeling abandoned, incomplete and lost. Part of me fears ever having to go through that again for any reason. We all know we aren't going to live forever, but the thought of losing someone I love is too hard to bare.
What did I love about being married?
- There was someone there that had my back, it was a sense of security.
- Having someone to do things with; travel, laugh, cry, share ideas...everything.
- Feeling wanted, loved and needed.
- The intimacy and special moments you only share with your significant other. This one is huge.
- Becoming parents and going through the entire journey from conception to birth together.
- On the bad days, looking forward to going home and falling into my husband's arms where I could forget about the bad even if only for a few minutes.
- Celebrating holidays and special occassions with two families and filling the house.
- Planning surprises and date nights.
- Facing challenges together and working towards finding a solution.
- Supporting each other and celebrating our successes.
After being single for most of the last 4 years, it's challenging. I feel like I've become set in my ways and far less willing to compromise.
What do I find challenging about being in a relationship now?
- I don't want to share my space. Just the thought of moving in with someone causes me anxiety. I like things a certain way and I won't budge. Yes call me OCD, anal, whatever. I like having my bed all to myself too! Why do I have to pick a side or share?
- Over the years I've learned how important it is to have alone time. Getting away by myself is very therapeutic. I have no issue taking myself out to dinner or a movie. Sitting alone at a restaurant doesn't bother me and I'm not going to have a conversation at a movie anyways so why not go alone?
- Feeling like I have to explain where I'm going, when and with who is exhausting. I'm so used to just doing what I want, when I want that when in a relationship I suddenly feel tied down and like I need to ask permission to do anything. I don't do well with interrogations either.
- My life is extremely busy with the kids and work. Trying to juggle my regular routine and then making time for a significant other is challenging. Honestly there are weeks when I feel like it's all about everyone else and there's no time for just me, yet I'm left feeling guilty because there isn't enough of me to go around.
- Being very independent, I have a hard time accepting help or letting someone take on what I consider to be my responsibility, especially when it comes to my kids.
- I've become extremely picky and I refuse to settle.
Now add additional life challenges like caring for/worrying about aging parents, health issues, stress at work and the wonderful teenage years and my life becomes a volcano on the verge of eruption. Some would argue that having a significant other would help to reduce the burden. Tasks could be distributed so that everything doesn't fall to me, but given my type A personality, I thrive when I'm overloaded. The more I take on, the more organized I am! If I'm stressed, best to leave me alone to navigate the storm. Try to help and I feel imposed upon and suffocated. If I want help, I'll ask for it.
When I was younger I so wanted children and a large family. At 25 when I was told I'd never have children I was devastated. Fast forward to 30 and I proved the doctors wrong. I managed to have 4 beautiful healthy children. Crazy as it sounds, I'd have another. That in itself is enough to scare off most men! Being a mother has been by far my greatest achievement and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. My children are a huge factor when choosing a significant other.
So, am I ready to date? Your guess is as good as mine. Depends on the day and my mood! They say when the right person comes along, everything falls into place with minimal effort. If it becomes work or stressful, it's not meant to be.
Based on all of the above, I think it best that I remove dating from my list of priorities. Funny when older people say, "Dear, be patient and stop looking. The right man will find you and you'll know he's the one." Maybe they're right, who knows. Mind you these are usually the same ones asking me why I can't find a man! Lol
Are you ready to date? Examine your life and populate your own pros and cons lists. At the end of the day you have to be happy. Try not to stress over the opinions of well-intentioned family and friends. Trust that you're right where you're supposed to be and don't settle.
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
As much as I loved being married and feeling like I was a part of something bigger, when my husband took his life I was left feeling abandoned, incomplete and lost. Part of me fears ever having to go through that again for any reason. We all know we aren't going to live forever, but the thought of losing someone I love is too hard to bare.
What did I love about being married?
- There was someone there that had my back, it was a sense of security.
- Having someone to do things with; travel, laugh, cry, share ideas...everything.
- Feeling wanted, loved and needed.
- The intimacy and special moments you only share with your significant other. This one is huge.
- Becoming parents and going through the entire journey from conception to birth together.
- On the bad days, looking forward to going home and falling into my husband's arms where I could forget about the bad even if only for a few minutes.
- Celebrating holidays and special occassions with two families and filling the house.
- Planning surprises and date nights.
- Facing challenges together and working towards finding a solution.
- Supporting each other and celebrating our successes.
After being single for most of the last 4 years, it's challenging. I feel like I've become set in my ways and far less willing to compromise.
What do I find challenging about being in a relationship now?
- I don't want to share my space. Just the thought of moving in with someone causes me anxiety. I like things a certain way and I won't budge. Yes call me OCD, anal, whatever. I like having my bed all to myself too! Why do I have to pick a side or share?
- Over the years I've learned how important it is to have alone time. Getting away by myself is very therapeutic. I have no issue taking myself out to dinner or a movie. Sitting alone at a restaurant doesn't bother me and I'm not going to have a conversation at a movie anyways so why not go alone?
- Feeling like I have to explain where I'm going, when and with who is exhausting. I'm so used to just doing what I want, when I want that when in a relationship I suddenly feel tied down and like I need to ask permission to do anything. I don't do well with interrogations either.
- My life is extremely busy with the kids and work. Trying to juggle my regular routine and then making time for a significant other is challenging. Honestly there are weeks when I feel like it's all about everyone else and there's no time for just me, yet I'm left feeling guilty because there isn't enough of me to go around.
- Being very independent, I have a hard time accepting help or letting someone take on what I consider to be my responsibility, especially when it comes to my kids.
- I've become extremely picky and I refuse to settle.
Now add additional life challenges like caring for/worrying about aging parents, health issues, stress at work and the wonderful teenage years and my life becomes a volcano on the verge of eruption. Some would argue that having a significant other would help to reduce the burden. Tasks could be distributed so that everything doesn't fall to me, but given my type A personality, I thrive when I'm overloaded. The more I take on, the more organized I am! If I'm stressed, best to leave me alone to navigate the storm. Try to help and I feel imposed upon and suffocated. If I want help, I'll ask for it.
When I was younger I so wanted children and a large family. At 25 when I was told I'd never have children I was devastated. Fast forward to 30 and I proved the doctors wrong. I managed to have 4 beautiful healthy children. Crazy as it sounds, I'd have another. That in itself is enough to scare off most men! Being a mother has been by far my greatest achievement and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. My children are a huge factor when choosing a significant other.
So, am I ready to date? Your guess is as good as mine. Depends on the day and my mood! They say when the right person comes along, everything falls into place with minimal effort. If it becomes work or stressful, it's not meant to be.
Based on all of the above, I think it best that I remove dating from my list of priorities. Funny when older people say, "Dear, be patient and stop looking. The right man will find you and you'll know he's the one." Maybe they're right, who knows. Mind you these are usually the same ones asking me why I can't find a man! Lol
Are you ready to date? Examine your life and populate your own pros and cons lists. At the end of the day you have to be happy. Try not to stress over the opinions of well-intentioned family and friends. Trust that you're right where you're supposed to be and don't settle.
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Monday, 10 April 2017
Signs the person you are dating is married or otherwise attached
How to tell if the person you are dating is married? Be prepared because there are some really good actors out there, but if you follow your gut and pay close attention, the signs will be there. These apply to both men and women.
A few behaviours or signs that a person is married or otherwise attached:
1. They show up to your first date wearing a wedding band.
Could you be more stupid? Even worse when they spend 20 minutes arguing that it's a school ring or a ring with sentimental value. Yeah, nice try but I didn't fall off a turnip truck yesterday honey.
In some cases they've taken the ring off, but there is a very obvious tan line. Good luck trying to explain that one away!
2. Don't call me, I'll call you.
You can't call them, they don't have a home phone and their kids don't know he/she is dating so they prefer calling you.
You get a call first thing in the morning when they're on their way to work, on their lunch or breaks and then when they're on their way home from work in the afternoon. You can text their cell phone and email during the day, but don't call after 5:00 pm because they're busy, go to bed early or you might wake up the kids.
3. They don't have a picture up on their online dating profile.
I love some of the excuses they use.
- I have to protect my professional image.
- I'm in law enforcement and can't post my picture.
- I don't want my friends to know I'm dating.
- My ex's friends might see my pictures and start gossiping.
- I don't have any good pictures of myself.
- A psycho was stalking me.
- I'm a very private person.
- My kids would be upset if they found out I was dating.
- It's what's inside that counts.
......and the list goes on an on.
4. They are only available for short windows of time during the week, usually during the day or early evening and rarely on weekends. When they are available on weekends it's usually at the last minute and they expect you to drop all of your plans to accommodate them.
Some of the excuses why they can't see you on the weekend:
- They're a single parent and fully devoted to their kids so they can't make any plans on the weekends, all their time is spent with the kids.
- They have visitation every weekend and have to go out of town as the kids live with their mother.
- They have too many chores to do around the house and the weekend is the only time they can do them.
- For the children's sake, they spend time as a family with their kids and the ex on weekends.
- They go out of town to the family's cottage every weekend.
...just to name a few.
5. They won't tell you exactly where they live, just give you an approximate neighbourhood.
Anytime you make plans, they want to come over to your place. There's always an excuse; my place is a mess, the kids are home, you wouldn't like the pets, I have a roommate and we won't have any privacy, your place is more cozy, etc...
6. They cancel at the very last minute.
You make plans, confirm the day of and minutes before you're supposed to meet they cancel or stand you up. They always have a great excuse.
- My kid is sick.
- I had an accident.
- Forgot I had made plans with friends.
- A relative/friend showed up and really needed to talk.
- I went home and crashed.
- Sorry, I forgot. Were we supposed to meet tonight? I thought it was tomorrow.
- I had to work late.
- Had a rough day and I'm not feeling well.
- My pet died.
7. They don't make plans with their friends so you can meet them and don't want to meet your friends, even after you've been dating for weeks or months.
- Their friends are busy.
- He uses one of the excuses listed under #6 when you make plans to meet up with your friends so you can introduce him.
- He doesn't feel comfortable in a group setting.
- It's too soon.
- His friends are not your type.
- He says he doesn't have any really close friends.
- His family is still getting over the break-up and aren't ready to meet someone new.
8. You get a different answer every time you ask the same question.
9. They get phone calls and disappear or suddenly they have to leave. A few times I could tell the person on the other end was yelling and she was asking him where the hell he was.
10. They avoid certain areas or neighbourhoods. In fact most of the time they want to stay in at your place.
- A couple of guys I dated had restraining orders and had to avoid the neighbourhoods where their ex and kids lived.
11. They are divorced, but the ex lives in the loft over the garage or in the basement for the sake of the kids.
- Another good reason why you can't spend time at their place.
12. He sends all kinds of jokes and you notice on the To: line there's a man/woman with the same last name as his.
When you mention it's cool to have a relative working at the same place the idiot lets it slip that it's his wife!
13. They only have wedding pictures (of their own wedding), up on their online dating profile or pictures with wedding rings on.
- One guy insisted they were pictures from when he was engaged. Yeah, all five of them???
- Another said his wedding pictures were the best pictures he had of himself. Sure, they were also 20 years old.
And finally the #1 clue that the person you are dating is married....drum roll please..........
14. His wife/husband or significant other calls you or shows up on your door step making threats.
Be careful and follow your gut. All of the above can be perfectly legitimate excuses. Being a single Mom I totally get it. I try to remain open minded and sympathetic giving the person the benefit of the doubt, but when these things happen over and over again or you have a combination of several of the above all happening at the same time, chances are they are the person is very married and playing games.
Be careful and follow your gut!
Dateless in Ottawa
A few behaviours or signs that a person is married or otherwise attached:
1. They show up to your first date wearing a wedding band.
Could you be more stupid? Even worse when they spend 20 minutes arguing that it's a school ring or a ring with sentimental value. Yeah, nice try but I didn't fall off a turnip truck yesterday honey.
In some cases they've taken the ring off, but there is a very obvious tan line. Good luck trying to explain that one away!
2. Don't call me, I'll call you.
You can't call them, they don't have a home phone and their kids don't know he/she is dating so they prefer calling you.
You get a call first thing in the morning when they're on their way to work, on their lunch or breaks and then when they're on their way home from work in the afternoon. You can text their cell phone and email during the day, but don't call after 5:00 pm because they're busy, go to bed early or you might wake up the kids.
3. They don't have a picture up on their online dating profile.
I love some of the excuses they use.
- I have to protect my professional image.
- I'm in law enforcement and can't post my picture.
- I don't want my friends to know I'm dating.
- My ex's friends might see my pictures and start gossiping.
- I don't have any good pictures of myself.
- A psycho was stalking me.
- I'm a very private person.
- My kids would be upset if they found out I was dating.
- It's what's inside that counts.
......and the list goes on an on.
4. They are only available for short windows of time during the week, usually during the day or early evening and rarely on weekends. When they are available on weekends it's usually at the last minute and they expect you to drop all of your plans to accommodate them.
Some of the excuses why they can't see you on the weekend:
- They're a single parent and fully devoted to their kids so they can't make any plans on the weekends, all their time is spent with the kids.
- They have visitation every weekend and have to go out of town as the kids live with their mother.
- They have too many chores to do around the house and the weekend is the only time they can do them.
- For the children's sake, they spend time as a family with their kids and the ex on weekends.
- They go out of town to the family's cottage every weekend.
...just to name a few.
5. They won't tell you exactly where they live, just give you an approximate neighbourhood.
Anytime you make plans, they want to come over to your place. There's always an excuse; my place is a mess, the kids are home, you wouldn't like the pets, I have a roommate and we won't have any privacy, your place is more cozy, etc...
6. They cancel at the very last minute.
You make plans, confirm the day of and minutes before you're supposed to meet they cancel or stand you up. They always have a great excuse.
- My kid is sick.
- I had an accident.
- Forgot I had made plans with friends.
- A relative/friend showed up and really needed to talk.
- I went home and crashed.
- Sorry, I forgot. Were we supposed to meet tonight? I thought it was tomorrow.
- I had to work late.
- Had a rough day and I'm not feeling well.
- My pet died.
7. They don't make plans with their friends so you can meet them and don't want to meet your friends, even after you've been dating for weeks or months.
- Their friends are busy.
- He uses one of the excuses listed under #6 when you make plans to meet up with your friends so you can introduce him.
- He doesn't feel comfortable in a group setting.
- It's too soon.
- His friends are not your type.
- He says he doesn't have any really close friends.
- His family is still getting over the break-up and aren't ready to meet someone new.
8. You get a different answer every time you ask the same question.
9. They get phone calls and disappear or suddenly they have to leave. A few times I could tell the person on the other end was yelling and she was asking him where the hell he was.
10. They avoid certain areas or neighbourhoods. In fact most of the time they want to stay in at your place.
- A couple of guys I dated had restraining orders and had to avoid the neighbourhoods where their ex and kids lived.
11. They are divorced, but the ex lives in the loft over the garage or in the basement for the sake of the kids.
- Another good reason why you can't spend time at their place.
12. He sends all kinds of jokes and you notice on the To: line there's a man/woman with the same last name as his.
When you mention it's cool to have a relative working at the same place the idiot lets it slip that it's his wife!
13. They only have wedding pictures (of their own wedding), up on their online dating profile or pictures with wedding rings on.
- One guy insisted they were pictures from when he was engaged. Yeah, all five of them???
- Another said his wedding pictures were the best pictures he had of himself. Sure, they were also 20 years old.
And finally the #1 clue that the person you are dating is married....drum roll please..........
14. His wife/husband or significant other calls you or shows up on your door step making threats.
Be careful and follow your gut. All of the above can be perfectly legitimate excuses. Being a single Mom I totally get it. I try to remain open minded and sympathetic giving the person the benefit of the doubt, but when these things happen over and over again or you have a combination of several of the above all happening at the same time, chances are they are the person is very married and playing games.
Be careful and follow your gut!
Dateless in Ottawa
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)