Signs the person you are dating is married or otherwise attached

How to tell if the person you are dating is married?  Be prepared because there are some really good actors out there, but if you follow your gut and pay close attention, the signs will be there.  These apply to both men and women. 

A few behaviours or signs that a person is married or otherwise attached:

1. They show up to your first date wearing a wedding band.
Could you be more stupid?  Even worse when they spend 20 minutes arguing that it's a school ring or a ring with sentimental value.  Yeah, nice try but I didn't fall off a turnip truck yesterday honey. 
In some cases they've taken the ring off, but there is a very obvious tan line.  Good luck trying to explain that one away!

2. Don't call me, I'll call you.
You can't call them, they don't have a home phone and their kids don't know he/she is dating so they prefer calling you. 
You get a call first thing in the morning when they're on their way to work, on their lunch or breaks and then when they're on their way home from work in the afternoon.  You can text their cell phone and email during the day, but don't call after 5:00 pm because they're busy, go to bed early or you might wake up the kids.

3. They don't have a picture up on their online dating profile.
I love some of the excuses they use.
- I have to protect my professional image.
- I'm in law enforcement and can't post my picture.
- I don't want my friends to know I'm dating.
- My ex's friends might see my pictures and start gossiping.
- I don't have any good pictures of myself.
- A psycho was stalking me.
- I'm a very private person.
- My kids would be upset if they found out I was dating.
- It's what's inside that counts.
......and the list goes on an on.

4. They are only available for short windows of time during the week, usually during the day or early evening and rarely on weekends.  When they are available on weekends it's usually at the last minute and they expect you to drop all of your plans to accommodate them.
Some of the excuses why they can't see you on the weekend:
- They're a single parent and fully devoted to their kids so they can't make any plans on the weekends, all their time is spent with the kids. 
- They have visitation every weekend and have to go out of town as the kids live with their mother.
- They have too many chores to do around the house and the weekend is the only time they can do them.
- For the children's sake, they spend time as a family with their kids and the ex on weekends.
- They go out of town to the family's cottage every weekend.
...just to name a few.

5. They won't tell you exactly where they live, just give you an approximate neighbourhood.
Anytime you make plans, they want to come over to your place.  There's always an excuse; my place is a mess, the kids are home, you wouldn't like the pets, I have a roommate and we won't have any privacy, your place is more cozy, etc...

6. They cancel at the very last minute.
You make plans, confirm the day of and minutes before you're supposed to meet they cancel or stand you up.  They always have a great excuse.
- My kid is sick.
- I had an accident.
- Forgot I had made plans with friends.
- A relative/friend showed up and really needed to talk.
- I went home and crashed.
- Sorry, I forgot.  Were we supposed to meet tonight?  I thought it was tomorrow.
- I had to work late.
- Had a rough day and I'm not feeling well.
- My pet died.

7. They don't make plans with their friends so you can meet them and don't want to meet your friends, even after you've been dating for weeks or months.
- Their friends are busy.
- He uses one of the excuses listed under #6 when you make plans to meet up with your friends so you can introduce him.
- He doesn't feel comfortable in a group setting.
- It's too soon.
- His friends are not your type.
- He says he doesn't have any really close friends.
- His family is still getting over the break-up and aren't ready to meet someone new.

8. You get a different answer every time you ask the same question.

9. They get phone calls and disappear or suddenly they have to leave.  A few times I could tell the person on the other end was yelling and she was asking him where the hell he was. 

10. They avoid certain areas or neighbourhoods.  In fact most of the time they want to stay in at your place.
- A couple of guys I dated had restraining orders and had to avoid the neighbourhoods where their ex and kids lived.

11. They are divorced, but the ex lives in the loft over the garage or in the basement for the sake of the kids. 
- Another good reason why you can't spend time at their place.

12. He sends all kinds of jokes and you notice on the To: line there's a man/woman with the same last name as his. 
When you mention it's cool to have a relative working at the same place the idiot lets it slip that it's his wife!

13. They only have wedding pictures (of their own wedding), up on their online dating profile or pictures with wedding rings on.
- One guy insisted they were pictures from when he was engaged.  Yeah, all five of them???
- Another said his wedding pictures were the best pictures he had of himself.  Sure, they were also 20 years old.

And finally the #1 clue that the person you are dating is married....drum roll please..........

14. His wife/husband or significant other calls you or shows up on your door step making threats.

Be careful and follow your gut.  All of the above can be perfectly legitimate excuses.  Being a single Mom I totally get it.  I try to remain open minded and sympathetic giving the person the benefit of the doubt, but when these things happen over and over again or you have a combination of several of the above all happening at the same time, chances are they are the person is very married and playing games.

Be careful and follow your gut!
Dateless in Ottawa