So round 34 continues. There were quite a few emails. So much for trying not to log in often. I find every time I'm online, even more emails come in as other users can see I'm logged in!
Ok, time to read emails and start weeding out the undesirable candidates.
#4. Mr.....I can't even categorize this one. Psychopath, obsessed???
This guy was the same age as me. He's the one with the weird profile going on and on about how much he loved his ex-girlfriend and how he continues to deliver meals to her. In fact I also learned he's the same one that had a profile that explained the differences between nipple skin and elbow skin, interesting that he changed his picture for that profile. I had blocked this user 4 times already, yet he'd create a whole new profile with a new username and managed to find me every time. This was becoming extremely annoying. I wrote and asked him to stop contacting me. Was the fact that I had blocked him 4 times not a blatantly obvious enough sign that I wasn't interested? This left me no choice but to contact POF and report that this guy's profile and emails were inappropriate and I felt like I was being stalked. They deleted his profile. Well, he created yet another and wrote to me again. Good grief, I give up!
Why can't people take no for an answer? There should be no need to have to repeat oneself numerous times. Even what was written in his profiles was deeply disturbing. Don't the POF administrators randomly review profiles for content? Is it only when a complaint is placed that they take action? I would hope that anytime a user is blocked that they go in and check why or ask the person blocking them what the problem is. No doubt some complaints may be unfounded, but either way if you're not interested, you're not interested!
#5. Mr. Couple
This guy was attractive and slightly younger than me. The email started off great, then took a major nose dive. Where the hell in my profile does it say I'm looking for a threesome? I had to go in and verify to make sure my profile hadn't been changed. No, it clearly states I'm a woman looking for a man. Furthermore, it does not say seeking a man and a woman! So I went back to my emails and reread it to make sure I hadn't misunderstood. Nope, I didn't.
This guy read my profile and felt I sounded very interesting. He then had his girlfriend read it who was older than me and they decided I'd make a great addition to their sex life. They lived in the same city and were looking for someone open minded and flexible to have some fun and explore pleasure together. They wanted to meet for coffee to discuss the possibilities as well as any fetishes or fantasies I'd be interested in acting out.
OMG! Are these people for real? Sorry, not my cup of tea. NEXT!!!!!
#6. Mr. Repeat Offender
This guy was my age. Quite tall with dark hair and dark eyes. Another repeat offender. He was an entrepreneur with a pet grooming business on the side who worked in IT as a profession. This guy had written numerous times over the years and on different sites. He contacts me and writes fast and furious with emails of flattery and wanting to meet only to delete his profile days later, then create a new one with the same picture and contact me again as if he'd never emailed me before.
He caught me on a bad day and I had no patience. Typically I would just play along and have fun with the emails, but today was a day from hell. I was fed up and not in the mood for games.
I called him out and told him he'd contacted me numerous times over the years. He does the exact same thing every time. I'm sick and tired of him wasting my time. His response, "I was going through a rough patch and decided to delete my profile until I sorted things out." 6 f------ times? If you're that insecure or messed up, maybe you should stay away from online dating all together! Why did he feel the need to waste people's time and then pretend like he's never contacted you over and over again. Often times within a week. Was he that unstable that he had to sort things out weekly? WTF? Are you kidding me? Perhaps he's suffering from multiple personality disorder since he's forever having to create new user names. You don't remember all the emails you sent last week and the dinner invite? It was only a few days ago and now you have a new username with the same picture? I had saved his emails and sent them to him. Lately I tend to copy and save some of the more outrageous emails and profiles for times just like these. Always nice to have ammunition. Funny how his profile disappeared as quickly as he'd emailed. I guess he didn't have anything further to say. We'll see how long it takes him to create another profile and contact me again! Anyone want to place a bet???
Why do men play these games? Do they truly believe women are that stupid and that we won't recognize their picture when they use the exact same one over and over again? Dude, you create new profiles weekly using the same pic.....HELLO!
#7. The Café Owner
He was slightly older and tall with dark hair and dark eyes. He was Italian. I could tell his pictures were older and low and behold he was wearing a wedding band in one of them. The profile said he was divorced and had children. He lived in Montreal. His email was polite and well written as was his profile. It stated he was looking for a relationship.
I wrote back and mentioned I didn't live in Montreal so why would he write? He claimed he was willing to travel for the right person, distance should not be an obstacle when one is searching for love. I agreed, one should be open minded and flexible. He said he was very taken by my pictures and what I had written in my profile. I was just the kind of woman he was looking for. We had similar interests and came from European backgrounds.
As luck would have it, I had a business trip to Montreal coming up the following week. We agreed to meet for coffee. When I arrived in Montreal we talked a few times and I told him I'd let him know when my schedule would open up so we could meet. I said I would pick a place and we could go from there. He was part owner of a coffee shop and usually worked the night shift. Another option would be to drop by the coffee shop in the evening if I couldn't get away during the day before he started work.
Immediately he became very indecisive. He was the one that was all excited and available to meet, but suddenly he wasn't sure he could meet me and would have to run it by his partner. What? He needed permission from his partner to go on a date? This made no sense. When I got my schedule I called him and let him know when I'd be free and where I wanted to meet. At first he agreed, then 5 minutes later he called back saying we should meet in the food court across from my hotel instead because it would be too far for him to go the restaurant I had picked. Funny because the restaurant was only 2 blocks away from my hotel and I made sure there was parking. I pointed out that due to the event I was working on, there were road closures and he wouldn't be able to access the mall plus there was no parking there. He argued. Nope, I was going to the restaurant I had picked and he could choose to join me or not. Of course he was a no show. He tried calling and I didn't answer. His voice message said traffic was bad and he had to start work earlier. Yeah right, he was full of it.
He called later that afternoon, but from an unknown number. I thought it was a colleague calling, had I known it was him I wouldn't have answered. He said he'd lost his cell phone and this was a new number I could call. During the conversation he mentioned he was having difficulty with his wife. Wait a second, wife? Oh, hold on now I understood the story about the new cell phone. Loosely translated, he probably got another cell phone his wife doesn't have access to. His profile said he was divorced! When I questioned him he said he must have made a mistake when he created the profile. He had just left his wife. For now he just wanted to get out and meet people, you know have fun. Sure, as in screw around? No thanks, the profile clearly states divorced looking for a relationship. Gee let me guess, you made 2 mistakes while filling out the profile? I think not. Let's not focus on details, but we had several discussion about what we were looking for and "just having fun" was not one of my criteria. Best of luck with your search.
What is it that brings out the worst in people? Why do people have to be dishonest? Does online dating encourage this behaviour? I guess when you're hiding behind a computer screen it's so much easier to lie. Online dating could be an amazing tool, but when people are dishonest it ruins it for those who are being genuine and truly seeking a relationship. People blame the online dating sites and that isn't fair. The site is merely the tool designed to help users. At the end of the day the users who go in and create the profiles, input information and upload pictures are the ones responsible for the negativity associated with these sites. They are the ones that give online dating a bad name and cause others to become jaded and give up. Do they for one second think about the effect their lies have on others? More than likely not, or they simply don't care. Sadly they are too wrapped up in themselves and what they want with no consideration whatsoever to the negative impact it has on others. Sooner or later the truth comes out and innocent people get hurt. Most of these guys are so stupid they can't even keep track of their own lies, what they write in their profiles or what they tell the women they are communicating with.
This round is going very badly. Again there were several emails soliciting sex or being rude. So much for being adults. Highly unlikely men would say these things or behave his way if they were sitting across from you. My teenagers display far more decorum and manners than most of the guys on this site. Very hard to remain positive and not throw in the towel. A person can only take so much. I feel emotionally drained. One after the other, when does it end? How is one supposed to trust anyone when you are subjected to this type of behaviour? Very difficult not to paint everyone with the same brush and assume everyone is lying. Thank goodness for business trips. I need a long break from all of this bullshit. Maybe I'll meet someone while I'm away working?
Good luck, everyone. Try not to give up and remember to treat others the way you want to be treated.
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday, 24 June 2018
Friday, 22 June 2018
Round 34 Continued! Dating is hard!
In 2018, what is one to do when they are searching for love? Drum roll please.......the correct answer is use online dating!!! Lol
There aren't many options, so back to online dating I went to sift through more profiles and emails. Not sure what was going on. This time around I was getting way more emails - wait, quantity yes. Quality??? Well, that's another story! Are there suddenly more single people? Was there a sudden spike in divorce rates and break-ups? Are more married men suffering from a mid-life crisis looking to cheat and play games? Is Spring fever to blame? Very odd, but on a positive note perhaps more potential candidates???
Statistics claim that one has to meet upwards of 100 potential candidates before finding a match. I'm no where near 100, so sadly this means my search has only just begun. I'm trying to stay positive and simply enjoy the moment, but it's hard.
When talking to girlfriends, I ask them for their opinions, tips, tricks, advice anything that can help me in my quest to find a man. Kind of hard for them to help when they've all been married forever. Things weren't like this years ago, they have no clue what it's like trying to date in 2018. At my age, I find it harder to date. Everyone says it should be easier, but it's not. First of all I'm a single Mom of 4 kids aged 17 and under. They live with me full-time so obviously a lot of my time is devoted to my kids. Then add to that a very demanding job that has me travelling frequently. Interestingly enough, I am very creative. No matter how busy I am, I manage to find the time to schedule just about anything. Whether it's an impromptu shopping adventure to the US, kids' sports competition, a ballet, brunch with a close friend, catering for a church function, visiting family or a girls' night out, magically my calendar suddenly has openings to accommodate everyone! I actually manage to impress myself, not sure how I do it.
I think what I find hardest is the intimacy part. You meet someone, enjoy their company and sooner or later sex has to happen. The physical aspect is extremely important and will certainly make or break a relationship. At my house this is a challenge. I'm not going to bring men home with my kids there. My older ones are up late, not like when they were younger and in bed early. A few years back I could get a sitter, go out for dinner, bring someone home, send the sitter on her way and know the kids were out like rocks until morning. I didn't worry about making noise or waking them up. Not the same now. With teenagers I try to be more discreet and lead by example. I'm not going to let my teenagers bring people home for sex so I have a hard time allowing myself to do it. Sex is meant to be enjoyed. If I'm worried about making noise or I know my teenagers are awake down stairs in the living room or across the hall in their bedroom, I just can't let go and enjoy myself and my partner probably won't either. With our luck my six year-old will be banging on my door asking what we're doing!
Even worse when you date another single parent that also has full-time custody of their kids. Especially when they think the same way I do. Where do we go? What do we do? Is there truly a negative impact to our kids or is it just us being too over protective? It shouldn't be this complicated, our parents had sex and we turned out fine. At my age do I really want to be making out in the back seat of a car? Might be a fun thing to do once in a while, but really? No, at my age a bed is far more comfortable and not the first time. I didn't even do that as a teenager, besides where would we go? There used to be a few lovers' lanes around the city, but with all this construction and new housing projects they're all gone. Man I feel old!
There's also feeling really rusty and out of practice. You start to wonder whether you can even do it! Sex is supposed to be like riding a bike, you never forget. Yeah right! It's not about forgetting what it's like or how wonderful it can be. I can't speak for others, but I feel self-conscious and inexperienced. Kind of like becoming a born again virgin! Dating is supposed to be fun, but it's stressful. Who calls who first? How often to text or email? How far in advance should plans be made? Who pays when you go out? When do you have sex for the first time? Where do you have sex? How do you even get to that discussion? Then the oh so fun one....safe sex and birth control! Am I just overthinking? We are by far our own worst critics.
When I explained to my girlfriend all of the above, she better understood and agreed. Being single and living on your own or with roommates definitely makes dating a lot easier. You have so much more freedom. One can come and go as one pleases. With children in the picture, you have to be more responsible and protective. My children in particular have been through a lot. I've seen how quickly they can become attached to someone and then get hurt when that person suddenly disappears. I don't want just anyone around my kids or a revolving door of strangers. The person has to be respectful, someone who's a positive role model. I'm not looking for a Dad, but hopefully one day he will treat them as his own. In turn I would also want my children to accept and grow to love him. If they can't get along and accept each other, it isn't going to work for me or any of us.
Ok, time to sift through more emails. My perfect match has to be out there somewhere. I think he's lost, he should really ask for directions! Lol
Good luck and stay tuned to my dating adventures!
Dateless in Ottawa
There aren't many options, so back to online dating I went to sift through more profiles and emails. Not sure what was going on. This time around I was getting way more emails - wait, quantity yes. Quality??? Well, that's another story! Are there suddenly more single people? Was there a sudden spike in divorce rates and break-ups? Are more married men suffering from a mid-life crisis looking to cheat and play games? Is Spring fever to blame? Very odd, but on a positive note perhaps more potential candidates???
Statistics claim that one has to meet upwards of 100 potential candidates before finding a match. I'm no where near 100, so sadly this means my search has only just begun. I'm trying to stay positive and simply enjoy the moment, but it's hard.
When talking to girlfriends, I ask them for their opinions, tips, tricks, advice anything that can help me in my quest to find a man. Kind of hard for them to help when they've all been married forever. Things weren't like this years ago, they have no clue what it's like trying to date in 2018. At my age, I find it harder to date. Everyone says it should be easier, but it's not. First of all I'm a single Mom of 4 kids aged 17 and under. They live with me full-time so obviously a lot of my time is devoted to my kids. Then add to that a very demanding job that has me travelling frequently. Interestingly enough, I am very creative. No matter how busy I am, I manage to find the time to schedule just about anything. Whether it's an impromptu shopping adventure to the US, kids' sports competition, a ballet, brunch with a close friend, catering for a church function, visiting family or a girls' night out, magically my calendar suddenly has openings to accommodate everyone! I actually manage to impress myself, not sure how I do it.
I think what I find hardest is the intimacy part. You meet someone, enjoy their company and sooner or later sex has to happen. The physical aspect is extremely important and will certainly make or break a relationship. At my house this is a challenge. I'm not going to bring men home with my kids there. My older ones are up late, not like when they were younger and in bed early. A few years back I could get a sitter, go out for dinner, bring someone home, send the sitter on her way and know the kids were out like rocks until morning. I didn't worry about making noise or waking them up. Not the same now. With teenagers I try to be more discreet and lead by example. I'm not going to let my teenagers bring people home for sex so I have a hard time allowing myself to do it. Sex is meant to be enjoyed. If I'm worried about making noise or I know my teenagers are awake down stairs in the living room or across the hall in their bedroom, I just can't let go and enjoy myself and my partner probably won't either. With our luck my six year-old will be banging on my door asking what we're doing!
Even worse when you date another single parent that also has full-time custody of their kids. Especially when they think the same way I do. Where do we go? What do we do? Is there truly a negative impact to our kids or is it just us being too over protective? It shouldn't be this complicated, our parents had sex and we turned out fine. At my age do I really want to be making out in the back seat of a car? Might be a fun thing to do once in a while, but really? No, at my age a bed is far more comfortable and not the first time. I didn't even do that as a teenager, besides where would we go? There used to be a few lovers' lanes around the city, but with all this construction and new housing projects they're all gone. Man I feel old!
There's also feeling really rusty and out of practice. You start to wonder whether you can even do it! Sex is supposed to be like riding a bike, you never forget. Yeah right! It's not about forgetting what it's like or how wonderful it can be. I can't speak for others, but I feel self-conscious and inexperienced. Kind of like becoming a born again virgin! Dating is supposed to be fun, but it's stressful. Who calls who first? How often to text or email? How far in advance should plans be made? Who pays when you go out? When do you have sex for the first time? Where do you have sex? How do you even get to that discussion? Then the oh so fun one....safe sex and birth control! Am I just overthinking? We are by far our own worst critics.
When I explained to my girlfriend all of the above, she better understood and agreed. Being single and living on your own or with roommates definitely makes dating a lot easier. You have so much more freedom. One can come and go as one pleases. With children in the picture, you have to be more responsible and protective. My children in particular have been through a lot. I've seen how quickly they can become attached to someone and then get hurt when that person suddenly disappears. I don't want just anyone around my kids or a revolving door of strangers. The person has to be respectful, someone who's a positive role model. I'm not looking for a Dad, but hopefully one day he will treat them as his own. In turn I would also want my children to accept and grow to love him. If they can't get along and accept each other, it isn't going to work for me or any of us.
Ok, time to sift through more emails. My perfect match has to be out there somewhere. I think he's lost, he should really ask for directions! Lol
Good luck and stay tuned to my dating adventures!
Dateless in Ottawa
Wednesday, 2 May 2018
Online Dating and the lack of communication and honesty
Why do men have such a hard time being honest and communicating? No doubt women using online dating are equally guilty of this based on comments from my guy friends, but I'll focus on my experiences with men.
Funny how some men can email and text until the cows come home, especially if you're talking about sex, but try to get them to meet and OMG you'd think you asked them to donate one of their testicles. Isn't the whole point of online dating to get out and meet people? You know....date??? Online dating sites should add another category - pen pal. There are guys that write endlessly. What's up with that? It's obvious they have absolutely no intention of meeting, usually you can't even get them to talk on the phone. The best is when they seem all excited and make suggestions, only to cancel at the last minute. Watch for these signs. Every time you suggest meeting or try to make plans, they come up with an excuse. Incredible how often men have a headache, are suddenly sick, have to work or forgot a relative's birthday. So much for headaches being a female problem. If you don't intend to get out and meet people, you shouldn't be on an online dating site. Funny that these are the same guys that go on about people wasting their time and not knowing what they want. Really? Give your head a shake and go look in a mirror. The person staring back at you, he's the one guilty of wasting people's time.
Then there's the others who you're finally able to meet, everything seems to go well, you go out again, talk on the phone, keep texting and then POOF! The guy pulls a Houdini and vanishes into thin air. No explanation, no good bye. You're left hanging wondering WTF? It's hard not to develop an emotional attachment when you've been corresponding and seeing someone for several weeks. We're human, it's normal. But when the person suddenly disappears, they stop responding to emails and texts and don't answer their phone of course you're going to worry and assume the worst. Initially you hold out hope that something happened or they're busy and will get back to you eventually, but after a while reality sinks in. It becomes painfully obvious they won't be responding. Some guys go to the extreme of deleting their profile and cancelling their cell phone. Sadly weeks later they reappear with an entirely new profile, but the same pictures. You become angry, question whether you did or said something wrong. Did you misread the body language? You seemed to be getting closer and were making plans weeks in advance. Often times he was the one that initiated and suggested going out. What changed so abruptly? There seemed to be a connection, things were progressing. It was obvious there was an attraction or so I thought. You're left hanging. These ones really hurt.
I get it, sometimes it's hard to be honest. Easier to run, hide and avoid confrontation in case the other person demands answers or gets upset. We don't always have an answer for the "why" question. Nothing worse than having to deliver bad news to another person, but dammit we're adults. As difficult and awkward as it can be, honesty is the best way to go. If you can't be a man and do it in person, take the cowardly route and at the very least send an email or a text. Personally I don't want to waste anyone's time and I don't want them to waste mine either. Life is too short and we're all busy with our responsibilities to behave worse than a child in kindergarten who seems to change boyfriends daily when he doesn't share the toy she wants. Why is there such a blatant lack of respect and consideration? If you don't like someone, say so. If you meet someone else you like better, so be it. Maybe you thought this was what you wanted, but suddenly it isn't working for you. We're human and allowed to change our minds. It's ok, not the end of the world. Don't string a person along and mislead them, that's far more cruel.
When you meet someone who's genuinely nice, but you simply don't feel any chemistry it can be all the more difficult to break the bad news that you're just not into them. Shouldn't be a big deal if it's only your first date. Usually one date is all you need to determine whether or not there's chemistry and/or relationship potential. You may go out again just to be sure, but if you're still not feeling it bow out gracefully. I've been on the receiving end many times, but I'll tell you I have far more respect for a man that can be honest with me. Can't say I've ever enjoyed being the bearer of bad news, but I didn't feel I had a choice. No point in dragging things out or pretending that I felt something that I didn't. For instance I can't be intimate with someone I don't feel an attraction to or chemistry. I'm sure many can, but not me. I've met some really nice guys that I could talk to and laugh with for hours, but I knew there was no relationship potential even if we did have many things in common. My gut instinct is usually fairly accurate. Being open to a friendship is a possibility, but not always possible depending on how the other person feels.
Dating is like trial and error. You don't know if you don't try. Until you actually meet in person, there is no way to determine whether physical attraction and chemistry exists. A picture gets your attention, but will he even look like it in person? No matter how strong a connection you seem to have via email, texting or talking on the phone, that connection may not translate when you meet in person.
Why do people, men in this case, find it so much easier to lie? Many are married, yet they state on their profile they are single or divorced. The truth always comes out, why live a lie? How do they manage to keep track of what they've said to who? It becomes a full-time job keeping track of all the lies and stories. I love the separated category, from my experience it means very married just looking to fool around on the side. Then there's those that claim to be looking for a serious relationship, sure you mean jumping from bed to bed like it's a marathon because you're going through a mid-life crisis?
Make your intentions clear. Online dating sites have thousands if not millions of potential candidates all with different preferences and needs so there will be someone out there for you. To each his own, no doubt there are women out there that don't have an issue being with a married man. If you just want sex, say so I'm sure you'll find some takers. Just be honest, you might not know exactly what you want. Things might be great one minute and then you change your mind, that's ok just be honest. Communication is the key.
At the end of the day, all I can say is --- Please, please, please be honest. Don't inflict unnecessary pain on another who is being kind, caring and honest. Yes, amazingly enough in this cold disposable world we live in there still are some nice, honest people left. Be considerate.
Remember that time is the greatest gift another person can give you because it's something you can never get back. Stop being selfish and don't waste their time. Release them and let them go find the happiness they deserve. That should be your goal too.
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Funny how some men can email and text until the cows come home, especially if you're talking about sex, but try to get them to meet and OMG you'd think you asked them to donate one of their testicles. Isn't the whole point of online dating to get out and meet people? You know....date??? Online dating sites should add another category - pen pal. There are guys that write endlessly. What's up with that? It's obvious they have absolutely no intention of meeting, usually you can't even get them to talk on the phone. The best is when they seem all excited and make suggestions, only to cancel at the last minute. Watch for these signs. Every time you suggest meeting or try to make plans, they come up with an excuse. Incredible how often men have a headache, are suddenly sick, have to work or forgot a relative's birthday. So much for headaches being a female problem. If you don't intend to get out and meet people, you shouldn't be on an online dating site. Funny that these are the same guys that go on about people wasting their time and not knowing what they want. Really? Give your head a shake and go look in a mirror. The person staring back at you, he's the one guilty of wasting people's time.
Then there's the others who you're finally able to meet, everything seems to go well, you go out again, talk on the phone, keep texting and then POOF! The guy pulls a Houdini and vanishes into thin air. No explanation, no good bye. You're left hanging wondering WTF? It's hard not to develop an emotional attachment when you've been corresponding and seeing someone for several weeks. We're human, it's normal. But when the person suddenly disappears, they stop responding to emails and texts and don't answer their phone of course you're going to worry and assume the worst. Initially you hold out hope that something happened or they're busy and will get back to you eventually, but after a while reality sinks in. It becomes painfully obvious they won't be responding. Some guys go to the extreme of deleting their profile and cancelling their cell phone. Sadly weeks later they reappear with an entirely new profile, but the same pictures. You become angry, question whether you did or said something wrong. Did you misread the body language? You seemed to be getting closer and were making plans weeks in advance. Often times he was the one that initiated and suggested going out. What changed so abruptly? There seemed to be a connection, things were progressing. It was obvious there was an attraction or so I thought. You're left hanging. These ones really hurt.
I get it, sometimes it's hard to be honest. Easier to run, hide and avoid confrontation in case the other person demands answers or gets upset. We don't always have an answer for the "why" question. Nothing worse than having to deliver bad news to another person, but dammit we're adults. As difficult and awkward as it can be, honesty is the best way to go. If you can't be a man and do it in person, take the cowardly route and at the very least send an email or a text. Personally I don't want to waste anyone's time and I don't want them to waste mine either. Life is too short and we're all busy with our responsibilities to behave worse than a child in kindergarten who seems to change boyfriends daily when he doesn't share the toy she wants. Why is there such a blatant lack of respect and consideration? If you don't like someone, say so. If you meet someone else you like better, so be it. Maybe you thought this was what you wanted, but suddenly it isn't working for you. We're human and allowed to change our minds. It's ok, not the end of the world. Don't string a person along and mislead them, that's far more cruel.
When you meet someone who's genuinely nice, but you simply don't feel any chemistry it can be all the more difficult to break the bad news that you're just not into them. Shouldn't be a big deal if it's only your first date. Usually one date is all you need to determine whether or not there's chemistry and/or relationship potential. You may go out again just to be sure, but if you're still not feeling it bow out gracefully. I've been on the receiving end many times, but I'll tell you I have far more respect for a man that can be honest with me. Can't say I've ever enjoyed being the bearer of bad news, but I didn't feel I had a choice. No point in dragging things out or pretending that I felt something that I didn't. For instance I can't be intimate with someone I don't feel an attraction to or chemistry. I'm sure many can, but not me. I've met some really nice guys that I could talk to and laugh with for hours, but I knew there was no relationship potential even if we did have many things in common. My gut instinct is usually fairly accurate. Being open to a friendship is a possibility, but not always possible depending on how the other person feels.
Dating is like trial and error. You don't know if you don't try. Until you actually meet in person, there is no way to determine whether physical attraction and chemistry exists. A picture gets your attention, but will he even look like it in person? No matter how strong a connection you seem to have via email, texting or talking on the phone, that connection may not translate when you meet in person.
Why do people, men in this case, find it so much easier to lie? Many are married, yet they state on their profile they are single or divorced. The truth always comes out, why live a lie? How do they manage to keep track of what they've said to who? It becomes a full-time job keeping track of all the lies and stories. I love the separated category, from my experience it means very married just looking to fool around on the side. Then there's those that claim to be looking for a serious relationship, sure you mean jumping from bed to bed like it's a marathon because you're going through a mid-life crisis?
Make your intentions clear. Online dating sites have thousands if not millions of potential candidates all with different preferences and needs so there will be someone out there for you. To each his own, no doubt there are women out there that don't have an issue being with a married man. If you just want sex, say so I'm sure you'll find some takers. Just be honest, you might not know exactly what you want. Things might be great one minute and then you change your mind, that's ok just be honest. Communication is the key.
At the end of the day, all I can say is --- Please, please, please be honest. Don't inflict unnecessary pain on another who is being kind, caring and honest. Yes, amazingly enough in this cold disposable world we live in there still are some nice, honest people left. Be considerate.
Remember that time is the greatest gift another person can give you because it's something you can never get back. Stop being selfish and don't waste their time. Release them and let them go find the happiness they deserve. That should be your goal too.
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday, 29 April 2018
The Men of Online Dating Round 34
My goodness, I don't know where to start. Within less than 24 hours, my inbox had over 30 emails. I was shocked when I logged into my email account and saw all of the new email notifications. A few guys had also added me as a favourite. Ok, time to log into POF and start reading. I figured it would be best to start at the bottom and work my way up the list. While logged in, emails kept coming in. Years ago dating sites had a chat feature, thankfully that feature no longer exists on POF. I'm not good at carrying on several chat conversations at once. Even with text messaging, one at a time please!
1. Mr. Renovations
The profile picture was familiar. This guy has been on the site for a long time using the same profile and picture. I never wrote because a guy using a profile pic with a pet right up against his face and wearing sunglasses is not appealing to me. As I've mentionned before, when a person wears sunglasses you can't see their full face or eyes like they're trying to hide something. He was the same age as me, shaved head and tall at 6'2". Some of his interests were similar to mine. Profile stated he was divorced, didn't have children and he was undecided about having children.
His introductory email was funny, so I had to respond. We wrote back and for a couple days, then he suggested texting and soon after we talked on the phone. He was extremely funny and I enjoyed our interactions. During one of our conversations I learned he wasn't in fact divorced. He said he was in the process of getting divorced. Yeah right, I've heard that one before. Then out of the blue he sends a crotch shot. I was so not impressed. He immediately apologized, but the damage was done. He continues to write, but it's obvious he's looking for one thing with no intention of making an effort at building a relationship or perhaps all he needs is a pen pal so, NEXT!
2. The Bus Driver
He was 51 so a bit older. His head was shaved, but you could tell his hair colour was salt and pepper. He was single, never married and had no children, unusual for this age group. Heightwise he was only 5'7". His interests were similar to mine in that he loved to travel, went away at least once a year, liked good food and cooking. To stay active he played hockey and swam. The profile pic was nothing special, but his blue eyes really stood out. I'm a sucker for beautiful eyes and great smiles.
His introductory email made me laugh. He said he found me attractive and loved my profile, but sadly he was only 5'7" so didn't "measure up" to my criteria. I responded that height isn't everything, there are other qualities that are far more important. Taller is simply my preference, but not carved in stone. He seemed surprised and asked if I'd be willing to meet. I responded yes, after all the only way to determine compatibility is by meeting. But first we should email a bit to see if we have enough in common. One of my concerns was children. He didn't have any and from my experience, most men go running for the hills when they learn I have 4. Turns out he wanted kids, but it just never happened. For years he had taken care of his ailing mother and that negatively impacted his relationships. He claimed to love kids and had many nephews and nieces.
We had great conversations. He was handy and in the process of renovating his condo. He wanted to convert it to a rental unit or sell it and buy a small house to fix up. He worked odd hours so this also made it hard to maintain a relationship.
He went to the same Jr. High School and had some of the same teachers I did, but a few years earlier. It was really neat to also learn he had lived in the same neighbourhood I grew up in. What a small world. We finally decided to meet for breakfast. The day arrives and he texts early in the morning to cancel. Said he was sick. The tone was a bit abrupt and he felt the need to go into graphic details about having the runs and how awkward it would be to spend the entire date in the washroom... just what I needed to hear. Ok, there was no offer to reschedule and I would've appreciated less details. Ball was in his court, I wasn't going to try to reschedule. I was leaving on business the following week and would be away for 6 days. He eventually wrote and we talked a couple of times while I was away. When I got back, we agreed to meet for coffee at Tim Hortons. I was disappointed. For the most part he looked like his picture, but he was not 5'7 and his body type was definitely not what I would consider to be athletic. Whatever, I was out so let's make the best of it. The conversation was interesting and I enjoyed his company. Eventually it got really busy and way too noisy for my taste so we decided to leave. He gave me a hug, a quick peck and off we went.
That night he texted and out of the blue the sexual comments began. Up to this point he had been very polite and respectful which I greatly appreciated. Suddenly things changed. I didn't like his texts and he said the same things during phone conversations. I made it clear I didn't like it, but he continued anyways. How does one respond to, "You're edible, oh so edible" or "I'm betting I can make you so excited that you'll slide off that chair." Ok, for the record he was texting and I wasn't sitting on a chair. I found it very disturbing and didn't respond. Gave off a creepy old man kind of vibe which was a major turn off. This continued over the weekend. He obviously noticed I wasn't responding and at one point he wrote to ask if I was ok with him. No, I was not. First thing Monday morning I texted and explained I didn't enjoy all of his edible and eating comments, that I didn't think I was the one for him and wished him luck with his search.
He emailed a couple of times on POF when he saw I was online and claimed he didn't mean anything by it and didn't expect anything, just found me very attractive. Duh!!! As if he couldn't just say, "I find you attractive." He went on to say I should reconsider. Sorry, not happening. When I'm done, I'm done. Good luck to you!
3. The Pretty Boy
We were the same age, he was 6'2" with a full head of black hair and amazing blue eyes. He was quite attractive. The profile was well written. Under occupation it stated finance. He was divorced with a 10 year old son. From his pictures it was obvious he liked to travel and he looked athletic. We had fun exchanging emails and he quickly suggested moving to texting. This is when all the sexual questions started. He said the physical aspect of a relationship was extremely important to him and he needed to be sure a potential mate was on the same page before getting too invested. I get that to a point, but his questions were way too personal. It's best to get to know each other and go from there. Do I like sex? Yes, enough said.
When I got back from another business trip, he suggested we meet for drinks. I agreed. We were to meet at Joey's for 7:00 pm. I showed up and so did he apparently, but the date didn't happen. At one point a guy walked in, then turned around and left. I noticed him, but he didn't look anything like the profile pictures so I didn't pay attention. This guy looked like he had just rolled out of bed. He was wearing what looked like skinny jogging pants tucked into his socks. The jacket sleeves and body were way too short for someone so tall and his hair was long and dishevelled. He was really skinny, unattractively so. I texted and said I would wait at the entrance. He texted and said he was there, but never came over so I left. Figured I had been stood up, oh well I did my groceries so all was not lost.
The following morning he texted to say, "Sorry, didn't like what I saw so I left." WTF? Wait a minute, it was the guy that walked in then left after all. I told him he severely lacked etiquette and class, not to mention he didn't look anything like his profile pictures. There was no resemblance what so ever to the pictures posted on the profile. "Good luck with your search and thanks for leaving, you're so not my type!" I still can't believe he did that. How rude! And this guy thinks he's God's gift to women??? Not! Wound up having to block him. He got really rude and claimed I didn't look like the cutie he was talking to. Obviously he was juggling too many women and had me confused with someone else. Unreal!
In addition to the wonderful candidates above, there were many rude emails and others soliciting sex. Then the usual "Hi" and "Hey" emails. Not too surprising I suppose. Terrible start to Round 34. The emails kept coming in, but I needed a break. Maybe next week I'd build up enough courage to log back in and read a few more. How disappointing that grown men have to behave this way.
Treat others as you would like to be treated. Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
1. Mr. Renovations
The profile picture was familiar. This guy has been on the site for a long time using the same profile and picture. I never wrote because a guy using a profile pic with a pet right up against his face and wearing sunglasses is not appealing to me. As I've mentionned before, when a person wears sunglasses you can't see their full face or eyes like they're trying to hide something. He was the same age as me, shaved head and tall at 6'2". Some of his interests were similar to mine. Profile stated he was divorced, didn't have children and he was undecided about having children.
His introductory email was funny, so I had to respond. We wrote back and for a couple days, then he suggested texting and soon after we talked on the phone. He was extremely funny and I enjoyed our interactions. During one of our conversations I learned he wasn't in fact divorced. He said he was in the process of getting divorced. Yeah right, I've heard that one before. Then out of the blue he sends a crotch shot. I was so not impressed. He immediately apologized, but the damage was done. He continues to write, but it's obvious he's looking for one thing with no intention of making an effort at building a relationship or perhaps all he needs is a pen pal so, NEXT!
2. The Bus Driver
He was 51 so a bit older. His head was shaved, but you could tell his hair colour was salt and pepper. He was single, never married and had no children, unusual for this age group. Heightwise he was only 5'7". His interests were similar to mine in that he loved to travel, went away at least once a year, liked good food and cooking. To stay active he played hockey and swam. The profile pic was nothing special, but his blue eyes really stood out. I'm a sucker for beautiful eyes and great smiles.
His introductory email made me laugh. He said he found me attractive and loved my profile, but sadly he was only 5'7" so didn't "measure up" to my criteria. I responded that height isn't everything, there are other qualities that are far more important. Taller is simply my preference, but not carved in stone. He seemed surprised and asked if I'd be willing to meet. I responded yes, after all the only way to determine compatibility is by meeting. But first we should email a bit to see if we have enough in common. One of my concerns was children. He didn't have any and from my experience, most men go running for the hills when they learn I have 4. Turns out he wanted kids, but it just never happened. For years he had taken care of his ailing mother and that negatively impacted his relationships. He claimed to love kids and had many nephews and nieces.
We had great conversations. He was handy and in the process of renovating his condo. He wanted to convert it to a rental unit or sell it and buy a small house to fix up. He worked odd hours so this also made it hard to maintain a relationship.
He went to the same Jr. High School and had some of the same teachers I did, but a few years earlier. It was really neat to also learn he had lived in the same neighbourhood I grew up in. What a small world. We finally decided to meet for breakfast. The day arrives and he texts early in the morning to cancel. Said he was sick. The tone was a bit abrupt and he felt the need to go into graphic details about having the runs and how awkward it would be to spend the entire date in the washroom... just what I needed to hear. Ok, there was no offer to reschedule and I would've appreciated less details. Ball was in his court, I wasn't going to try to reschedule. I was leaving on business the following week and would be away for 6 days. He eventually wrote and we talked a couple of times while I was away. When I got back, we agreed to meet for coffee at Tim Hortons. I was disappointed. For the most part he looked like his picture, but he was not 5'7 and his body type was definitely not what I would consider to be athletic. Whatever, I was out so let's make the best of it. The conversation was interesting and I enjoyed his company. Eventually it got really busy and way too noisy for my taste so we decided to leave. He gave me a hug, a quick peck and off we went.
That night he texted and out of the blue the sexual comments began. Up to this point he had been very polite and respectful which I greatly appreciated. Suddenly things changed. I didn't like his texts and he said the same things during phone conversations. I made it clear I didn't like it, but he continued anyways. How does one respond to, "You're edible, oh so edible" or "I'm betting I can make you so excited that you'll slide off that chair." Ok, for the record he was texting and I wasn't sitting on a chair. I found it very disturbing and didn't respond. Gave off a creepy old man kind of vibe which was a major turn off. This continued over the weekend. He obviously noticed I wasn't responding and at one point he wrote to ask if I was ok with him. No, I was not. First thing Monday morning I texted and explained I didn't enjoy all of his edible and eating comments, that I didn't think I was the one for him and wished him luck with his search.
He emailed a couple of times on POF when he saw I was online and claimed he didn't mean anything by it and didn't expect anything, just found me very attractive. Duh!!! As if he couldn't just say, "I find you attractive." He went on to say I should reconsider. Sorry, not happening. When I'm done, I'm done. Good luck to you!
3. The Pretty Boy
We were the same age, he was 6'2" with a full head of black hair and amazing blue eyes. He was quite attractive. The profile was well written. Under occupation it stated finance. He was divorced with a 10 year old son. From his pictures it was obvious he liked to travel and he looked athletic. We had fun exchanging emails and he quickly suggested moving to texting. This is when all the sexual questions started. He said the physical aspect of a relationship was extremely important to him and he needed to be sure a potential mate was on the same page before getting too invested. I get that to a point, but his questions were way too personal. It's best to get to know each other and go from there. Do I like sex? Yes, enough said.
When I got back from another business trip, he suggested we meet for drinks. I agreed. We were to meet at Joey's for 7:00 pm. I showed up and so did he apparently, but the date didn't happen. At one point a guy walked in, then turned around and left. I noticed him, but he didn't look anything like the profile pictures so I didn't pay attention. This guy looked like he had just rolled out of bed. He was wearing what looked like skinny jogging pants tucked into his socks. The jacket sleeves and body were way too short for someone so tall and his hair was long and dishevelled. He was really skinny, unattractively so. I texted and said I would wait at the entrance. He texted and said he was there, but never came over so I left. Figured I had been stood up, oh well I did my groceries so all was not lost.
The following morning he texted to say, "Sorry, didn't like what I saw so I left." WTF? Wait a minute, it was the guy that walked in then left after all. I told him he severely lacked etiquette and class, not to mention he didn't look anything like his profile pictures. There was no resemblance what so ever to the pictures posted on the profile. "Good luck with your search and thanks for leaving, you're so not my type!" I still can't believe he did that. How rude! And this guy thinks he's God's gift to women??? Not! Wound up having to block him. He got really rude and claimed I didn't look like the cutie he was talking to. Obviously he was juggling too many women and had me confused with someone else. Unreal!
Monday, 23 April 2018
Round 34 - Ready, set, go!!!!
A mere seconds after activating my profile, the emails started pouring in. I guess I was the fresh bait and the piranhas started circling! Lol
My goodness, nothing could have prepared me for the endless barrage of emails. I've used online dating many times over the years, but I've never gotten this many emails in such a short period of time. It was insane. Any time I was logged into the site, it was worse probably because they could see I was online and more likely that I would show up in searches within my city and under new users. Now I totally understand how Nemo and Dory felt when they were surrounded by seagulls yelling, "Mine!", "Mine!", "Mine!" Talk about feeling like a piece of meat!
Part of me felt excited, but I'm not used to getting so much attention so it felt weird. At the same time I felt overwhelmed and scared. Was I really ready to date? The key was to remain hopeful and go with the flow. I told myself to have fun and enjoy the attention!
At times having a profile on a dating site makes me feel like I'm a mail order bride or a product in a Sears catalogue. You have a picture(s), list of interests (equivalent to features I suppose!), likes, dislikes, some personal info about you...a bit of everything. No matter how well written your profile is, at the end of the day your picture(s) are what get the most attention. If the men like what they see, there's a higher likelihood they will email you.
Funny that no matter how specific you make your criteria when setting up your preferences and what you write in your profile in an effort to weed out the creeps, some how they still manage to get through and email you.
Popular work arounds:
1. Age
This is the easiest category to play with because when you create your profile, you can put whatever date of birth you want. Pick an age, any age! You want a summer birthday instead of a winter one, you can have that too! The only catch is that you only have 48 hours to make corrections, otherwise you're stuck with that age. If only I could permanently shed 20 years off my age!
Many guys will tell you in their profile that they lied about their age. Kudos for being honest, but if I say I'm looking for a man aged 45-55 don't expect me to give you the time of day. Not to mention you're being dishonest because the search tool works based on the date of birth appearing in your profile. I'm not here to waste anyone's time, so please don't waste mine. Yes there's the age old saying, "Age doesn't define you", but I know what I want and I'm not budging on this one.
Flattering when guys in their 20's and 30's write, "I'm really 27, but I prefer older more experienced women so I lied about my age so I could write to you." Thanks for the compliment, I think? But I don't recall writing that I offer Chivalry, Diaper Changing and Sex 101 classes in my profile.
Then there's the older guys, I love how they try to justify lying about their age. "I may be 65, but everyone tells me I look like I'm 40." Yeah dude, just saw your profile pictures. So you looked 40, back when you were 40??? Unbelievable!
2. Body Type
This one is very subjective. Hard not to laugh when you see some of the profile pictures then read what the user chose for their body type. Athletic is probably the most frequently used, perhaps too much so! If they only have head shots posted, chances are their body type would fall into the average or a few extra pounds category. Others go with "prefer not to say", but it's kind of obvious when you see the pictures. Not sure a beer belly or being very overweight classify you as being athletic. I'm all for confidence, it's very sexy, but be realistic. Lying on the other hand, is a turn off. I always err on the side of caution and list myself as being average or a few extra pounds. Better to undersell and over deliver vs. oversell and under deliver!
3. Relationship Status
This is the category where many lie. Once again you can choose whatever you want, kind of like the age. You might be married, but decide you're going to say single or divorced. The system has no way of verifying the information you enter. I specifically want someone who's single, divorced or widowed. Sad that they choose to lie. Sooner or later the truth always comes out so what's the point? No doubt there may be women out there that are ok with having a relationship with a married man, I am not.
Stay tuned for stories about my roller coaster ride of Round 34. Have a great week!
Dateless in Ottawa
My goodness, nothing could have prepared me for the endless barrage of emails. I've used online dating many times over the years, but I've never gotten this many emails in such a short period of time. It was insane. Any time I was logged into the site, it was worse probably because they could see I was online and more likely that I would show up in searches within my city and under new users. Now I totally understand how Nemo and Dory felt when they were surrounded by seagulls yelling, "Mine!", "Mine!", "Mine!" Talk about feeling like a piece of meat!
Part of me felt excited, but I'm not used to getting so much attention so it felt weird. At the same time I felt overwhelmed and scared. Was I really ready to date? The key was to remain hopeful and go with the flow. I told myself to have fun and enjoy the attention!
At times having a profile on a dating site makes me feel like I'm a mail order bride or a product in a Sears catalogue. You have a picture(s), list of interests (equivalent to features I suppose!), likes, dislikes, some personal info about you...a bit of everything. No matter how well written your profile is, at the end of the day your picture(s) are what get the most attention. If the men like what they see, there's a higher likelihood they will email you.
Funny that no matter how specific you make your criteria when setting up your preferences and what you write in your profile in an effort to weed out the creeps, some how they still manage to get through and email you.
Popular work arounds:
1. Age
This is the easiest category to play with because when you create your profile, you can put whatever date of birth you want. Pick an age, any age! You want a summer birthday instead of a winter one, you can have that too! The only catch is that you only have 48 hours to make corrections, otherwise you're stuck with that age. If only I could permanently shed 20 years off my age!
Many guys will tell you in their profile that they lied about their age. Kudos for being honest, but if I say I'm looking for a man aged 45-55 don't expect me to give you the time of day. Not to mention you're being dishonest because the search tool works based on the date of birth appearing in your profile. I'm not here to waste anyone's time, so please don't waste mine. Yes there's the age old saying, "Age doesn't define you", but I know what I want and I'm not budging on this one.
Flattering when guys in their 20's and 30's write, "I'm really 27, but I prefer older more experienced women so I lied about my age so I could write to you." Thanks for the compliment, I think? But I don't recall writing that I offer Chivalry, Diaper Changing and Sex 101 classes in my profile.
Then there's the older guys, I love how they try to justify lying about their age. "I may be 65, but everyone tells me I look like I'm 40." Yeah dude, just saw your profile pictures. So you looked 40, back when you were 40??? Unbelievable!
2. Body Type
This one is very subjective. Hard not to laugh when you see some of the profile pictures then read what the user chose for their body type. Athletic is probably the most frequently used, perhaps too much so! If they only have head shots posted, chances are their body type would fall into the average or a few extra pounds category. Others go with "prefer not to say", but it's kind of obvious when you see the pictures. Not sure a beer belly or being very overweight classify you as being athletic. I'm all for confidence, it's very sexy, but be realistic. Lying on the other hand, is a turn off. I always err on the side of caution and list myself as being average or a few extra pounds. Better to undersell and over deliver vs. oversell and under deliver!
3. Relationship Status
This is the category where many lie. Once again you can choose whatever you want, kind of like the age. You might be married, but decide you're going to say single or divorced. The system has no way of verifying the information you enter. I specifically want someone who's single, divorced or widowed. Sad that they choose to lie. Sooner or later the truth always comes out so what's the point? No doubt there may be women out there that are ok with having a relationship with a married man, I am not.
Stay tuned for stories about my roller coaster ride of Round 34. Have a great week!
Dateless in Ottawa
Saturday, 14 April 2018
What thoughts go through your mind when you look at a profile?
What is the purpose of a profile?
After talking to a close friend and getting his take on the purpose of a profile, I had to write a post.
According to my friend, when you...no wait allow me to clarify, when a man looks at and reads a profile he's looking to answer the following 2 questions:
1. Do I see myself sleeping with that person?
2. Would I be embarrassed to be seen out in public with that person?
He confessed that he's not too concerned with what's written in the profile as most people (mainly guys) don't read them anyways. I told him not to generalize as I do read the entire profile and it's important.
Personally I found his assessment way too harsh. I protested that he was being a typical male where everything revolves around appearance and sex. I felt angry and insulted at the same time. That's not how I want people to think when they look at my profile. He made it sound like profiles are cuts of meat on display at the butcher's..."Wow, check out that cut it looks good, not wait that one looks even better." I put a lot of time, effort and thought into how I describe myself and choose tasteful pictures that are recent and true representations of me. After a heated debate, I had to stop and think. What goes through my mind when I look at a profile? What am I looking for? What catches my attention? I was stumped, he really made me think.
First of all, we all have preferences. Some may be less important, others more rigid. Personally, tall, dark and handsome has always been my thing. Definitely prefer stocky over thin or athletic. Why? Can't say I'm completely sure why, but being taller than average I prefer that my significant other to be taller than me. I'm a brunette with dark eyes, does that influence my preference? Maybe. It's not to say I wouldn't date someone blond with blue eyes or a red head with green eyes because I have, but most of the guys I've dated had dark hair and dark eyes. I think in general I'm pretty open minded and flexible.
So what do I think when I look at a profile?
First of all, it depends on whether I'm simply searching through profiles or reading an email I received.
When establishing search criteria, the following are extremely important to me:
a) Marital status
- He must be single, divorced or widowed
b) Age
- My acceptable age range is based on my age. A few years younger to a few years older, usually about a 10 year range.
c) Distance
- My preference would be within 25 km, but I can be somewhat flexible on this one.
d) Height
- Minimum of 5'10" would be nice. My standards have dropped significantly because years ago my minimum acceptable height was 6'. One has to be reasonable and adaptable or at least try? Lol
e) Employment status
- Must be gainfully employed, retired or independently wealthy. No I'm not a gold digger, but if I wanted another dependent, I'd have another child.
f) Non-smoker
- I can handle the occasional cigar and maybe a social smoker.
g) No substance abuse
- Whether drugs or alcohol, I'll pass. Allow me to further add gambler.
h) Own a vehicle
- A relationship is give and take so I would expect my significant other to be able to come and see me or take turns driving. There could be exceptions due to a disability, but in general having a vehicle is my preference. Mom's Uber service is already overextended!
i) Race/ethnic background
- Typically I'm drawn to caucasians or men with an olive complexion, but it's not to say I wouldn't date others because I have.
I don't dwell too much on religion, hair/eye colour, occupation, interests or whether they have kids. We can address these later.
When I receive an email, the first thing I do is read it. A simple "Hi" or "Hey" isn't going to get my attention. An honest effort that demonstrates you took the time to read my profile will score you major brownie points and get my attention. After reading the email, I check out the profile. I won't lie, attraction is important. But it's important to keep in mind that not all of us are photogenic or super models, so there has to be some flexibility. I've learned over the years that one can be very pleasantly surprised when meeting someone in person. Yes, there has to be something that draws you to the picture, but keep an open mind. Also remember that looks fade, one's qualities and how they treat you are far more important and last forever.
When reading a profile I try to determine whether the individual meets the majority of my criteria. Obviously shared interests are a bonus. I'm not a fan of tattoos or piercings so they could influence me to say no thank you. Anything rude or inappropriate will also result in a rejection.
Back to my friend's opinions:
1. Do I see myself sleeping with that person?
Maybe as a woman I'm just a bit more flowery and politically correct. I will definitely ask myself "Can I picture myself with this person?" Loosely translated does that mean the same thing? Maybe.
2. Would I be embarrassed to be seen out in public with that person?
The questions I would ask myself are: "Do I feel an initial attraction to this person based on the picture(s)? Could I kiss this person?" I note a big difference here.
At the end of the day, maybe there's some truth to what my friend said. If you can't see yourself with someone or picture kissing them, you more than likely won't be sleeping with them. At least I couldn't. Would I date someone I'm not attracted to? Probably not. The part about being embarrassed for me is different. If my date was loud and abnoxious, yes I would totally be embarrassed, but I won't know that until we go out. Looks are subjective. I might find someone attractive while others don't, this wouldn't cause me embarrassment. It's a personal choice, not everyone has to or will like what I like.
I think this boils down to men and women verbalizing things differently. It's probably all that "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus" stuff.
Was he right? Maybe. I apologized for getting so angry at him. He was surprised by my post. When he read it he said it sounded so crude. It was not his intention, he was talking in basic English to get his point across. He also loves to get my blood boiling and knows exactly what to say to get the desired effect. Sometimes the truth hurts and we don't want to admit we're thinking the exact same thing, just packaging it differently to sound more politically correct. Some food for thought.
What do you think? Would love to hear your thoughts and opinions. Please feel free to comment. Enjoy what's left of the weekend!
Dateless in Ottawa
After talking to a close friend and getting his take on the purpose of a profile, I had to write a post.
According to my friend, when you...no wait allow me to clarify, when a man looks at and reads a profile he's looking to answer the following 2 questions:
1. Do I see myself sleeping with that person?
2. Would I be embarrassed to be seen out in public with that person?
He confessed that he's not too concerned with what's written in the profile as most people (mainly guys) don't read them anyways. I told him not to generalize as I do read the entire profile and it's important.
Personally I found his assessment way too harsh. I protested that he was being a typical male where everything revolves around appearance and sex. I felt angry and insulted at the same time. That's not how I want people to think when they look at my profile. He made it sound like profiles are cuts of meat on display at the butcher's..."Wow, check out that cut it looks good, not wait that one looks even better." I put a lot of time, effort and thought into how I describe myself and choose tasteful pictures that are recent and true representations of me. After a heated debate, I had to stop and think. What goes through my mind when I look at a profile? What am I looking for? What catches my attention? I was stumped, he really made me think.
First of all, we all have preferences. Some may be less important, others more rigid. Personally, tall, dark and handsome has always been my thing. Definitely prefer stocky over thin or athletic. Why? Can't say I'm completely sure why, but being taller than average I prefer that my significant other to be taller than me. I'm a brunette with dark eyes, does that influence my preference? Maybe. It's not to say I wouldn't date someone blond with blue eyes or a red head with green eyes because I have, but most of the guys I've dated had dark hair and dark eyes. I think in general I'm pretty open minded and flexible.
So what do I think when I look at a profile?
First of all, it depends on whether I'm simply searching through profiles or reading an email I received.
When establishing search criteria, the following are extremely important to me:
a) Marital status
- He must be single, divorced or widowed
b) Age
- My acceptable age range is based on my age. A few years younger to a few years older, usually about a 10 year range.
c) Distance
- My preference would be within 25 km, but I can be somewhat flexible on this one.
d) Height
- Minimum of 5'10" would be nice. My standards have dropped significantly because years ago my minimum acceptable height was 6'. One has to be reasonable and adaptable or at least try? Lol
e) Employment status
- Must be gainfully employed, retired or independently wealthy. No I'm not a gold digger, but if I wanted another dependent, I'd have another child.
f) Non-smoker
- I can handle the occasional cigar and maybe a social smoker.
g) No substance abuse
- Whether drugs or alcohol, I'll pass. Allow me to further add gambler.
h) Own a vehicle
- A relationship is give and take so I would expect my significant other to be able to come and see me or take turns driving. There could be exceptions due to a disability, but in general having a vehicle is my preference. Mom's Uber service is already overextended!
i) Race/ethnic background
- Typically I'm drawn to caucasians or men with an olive complexion, but it's not to say I wouldn't date others because I have.
I don't dwell too much on religion, hair/eye colour, occupation, interests or whether they have kids. We can address these later.
When I receive an email, the first thing I do is read it. A simple "Hi" or "Hey" isn't going to get my attention. An honest effort that demonstrates you took the time to read my profile will score you major brownie points and get my attention. After reading the email, I check out the profile. I won't lie, attraction is important. But it's important to keep in mind that not all of us are photogenic or super models, so there has to be some flexibility. I've learned over the years that one can be very pleasantly surprised when meeting someone in person. Yes, there has to be something that draws you to the picture, but keep an open mind. Also remember that looks fade, one's qualities and how they treat you are far more important and last forever.
When reading a profile I try to determine whether the individual meets the majority of my criteria. Obviously shared interests are a bonus. I'm not a fan of tattoos or piercings so they could influence me to say no thank you. Anything rude or inappropriate will also result in a rejection.
Back to my friend's opinions:
1. Do I see myself sleeping with that person?
Maybe as a woman I'm just a bit more flowery and politically correct. I will definitely ask myself "Can I picture myself with this person?" Loosely translated does that mean the same thing? Maybe.
2. Would I be embarrassed to be seen out in public with that person?
The questions I would ask myself are: "Do I feel an initial attraction to this person based on the picture(s)? Could I kiss this person?" I note a big difference here.
At the end of the day, maybe there's some truth to what my friend said. If you can't see yourself with someone or picture kissing them, you more than likely won't be sleeping with them. At least I couldn't. Would I date someone I'm not attracted to? Probably not. The part about being embarrassed for me is different. If my date was loud and abnoxious, yes I would totally be embarrassed, but I won't know that until we go out. Looks are subjective. I might find someone attractive while others don't, this wouldn't cause me embarrassment. It's a personal choice, not everyone has to or will like what I like.
I think this boils down to men and women verbalizing things differently. It's probably all that "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus" stuff.
Was he right? Maybe. I apologized for getting so angry at him. He was surprised by my post. When he read it he said it sounded so crude. It was not his intention, he was talking in basic English to get his point across. He also loves to get my blood boiling and knows exactly what to say to get the desired effect. Sometimes the truth hurts and we don't want to admit we're thinking the exact same thing, just packaging it differently to sound more politically correct. Some food for thought.
What do you think? Would love to hear your thoughts and opinions. Please feel free to comment. Enjoy what's left of the weekend!
Dateless in Ottawa
Sunday, 8 April 2018
Wow, have things ever changed! Online dating has become far worse than I expected.
I had been away from online dating for about a year and a half. My goodness, it feels like a lifetime ago. Anyone who's ever tried it can attest to how emotionally draining and ego shattering online dating can be, but I never could've prepared myself for how much it has changed. Things have gotten much worse. I don't know what it is. What is up with humanity?
OMG, less than 48 hours on the site and this is what I experienced:
1. 3 crotch shots! This is a new record and an all time low for men.
Are guys for real? I'm sorry, but not the least bit sexy or attractive in my opinion. Obnoxious, inappropriate, lacking class, politically incorrect...these are just a few of the adjectives that come to mind. Why, after exchanging a couple of emails do guys suddenly feel it's appropriate to send a picture of their penis? Guys, I mean boys, please keep it in your pants. By the way boys, you might not be as well endowed as you think you are, so spare yourself some embarrassment along with a strong dose of rejection! Do you really believe women like these? To each his own I suppose. I haven't even met you in person to determine whether any attraction or chemistry exists, I can assure you we definitely won't be meeting now because it's painfully obvious you're only looking for one thing.
2. Inappropriate usernames, emails and profiles, too many to count!
a) By simply reading usernames, you can quickly identify who's just looking for sex. Could you be any more blatantly obvious with usernames like "Bigandblack4u" or "Wellhungmale"? I'll stop there.
b) Who sends an introductory email that says, "Yummy!" or "Yo" or "Mmmmm"? Excuse my language, but WTF???
Time to go back to school boys and relearn English grammar, spelling and how to properly construct a greeting and/or introductory email. God forbid I ask you to write an entire paragraph, as it seems that would be well beyond most of these boys' capabilities. Yes, I'll refer to these guys as boys because the term gentlemen absolutely does not apply. I would expect a man to behave with a bit more class and maturity.
Then there's the emails asking what my sexual fetishes, preferences and favourite positions are? So much for addressing the basics first like name, occupation, where you live and what your background is. Can we meet to see if there's any potential first and then maybe if we hit it off, explore the topic of sex? What happened to having a bit of mystery and intrigue? Are surprises now out of fashion? I totally get that if the physical aspect of a relationship is extremely important to you, it's good to make that known to a potential partner to ensure you're both on the same page, but there are more classy, politically correct and/or subtle ways of doing that.
c) Profiles can be very scary. As if I'll respond to an email that simply says, "Yummy" attached to a profile that says: "I taste amazing!" So much for sites claiming you must have a minimum number of characters in your profile. Not sure how he got away with this one. Are you kidding me? I'm beyond shocked. And most of this coming from boys in their 50's. Are they going through another mid-life crisis? Perhaps it's a form of male menopause? OMG it's an epidemic of unmeasurable proportions! I guess the generalization that men never grow up has some truth it, not to mention they just seem to get worse as they age. Sad that my teenage son behaves with more class and decorum than these morons.
What about a profile that goes on and on about his last girlfriend, how sexy she was and how much he loved her. Unfortunately she grew tired of the love, but loved his cooking so he regularly makes house calls to deliver food??? WTF really? Like food is all he's delivering and he has to make that known to all who read his profile. Oh, I'm dying to meet you dude....NOT!
Then there's the one that goes into an elaborate explanation about the differences between nipple skin and elbow skin? Excuse me? I thought I was reading a profile not a weird medical journal or opinion piece. I was speechless. What does one say to that? Not to mention I can't quite figure out how that is suppose to attract women? Did I miss something?
And these guys wonder why they're single. OMG get a grip! Go read your profile, better yet, ask a few friends or co-workers to read it and provide feedback. Highly unlikely they'll give you a thumbs up.
3. Pictures
Once again, what's up with the married guys sporting their wedding rings? Unreal, talk about bad liars. Their profiles claim they are single or divorced, but there they are showing off their shiny gold wedding band in not one or two, but most if not all of their profile pics! Wait let me guess, you have no other pictures of yourself? In this day and age that's the lamest excuse anyone can come up with. Take a selfie, similar to the ones you took wearing your wedding band while standing in front of a mirror in the bathroom! By the way most mobile devices have a feature that allows you to turn the camera around so you don't have to stand in front of a mirror. Just saying, maybe you should read the owner's manual. Better yet, ask a friend or family member to take a picture of you. It's truly not that difficult. If you're too embarrassed to ask a friend, pretend you're a tourist and ask a stranger or server to take a picture while you're out and about.
Oh wait, it gets better. The infamous bathroom selfies while standing half-naked! Some even in a public washroom! Boys grow up and put some clothes on! Gross, a picture with a toilet or urinal in the background. Do boys really believe these pictures are sexy and appealing? Think again, NOT! If you must do the bathroom selfie thing, do it at home. BUT please, please, please make sure your bathroom is clean and the toilet seat is down in case you forgot to flush. Unbelievable!!! This should go without saying. Is common sense that lacking these days? Bad enough you can't write, I strongly recommend you look at your pictures closely before you post them online.
When in doubt boys, here's a simple rule of thumb for you - if you wouldn't show the picture to your Mother, don't post it on your profile or send it by email! If you wouldn't say it to your Mother, don't say it to a woman or anyone else for that matter. Better to err on the side of caution. If you wouldn't ask your Mom a certain question, don't ask a virtual stranger who you're hoping to date. Once in a relationship or at least dating and somewhat comfortable, then ask your questions and get more racy. Until then, mind your manners!
My online dating experience to date is extremely discouraging this time around. I'm actually quite terrified. Very hard to remain positive when after barely being on the site for 2 days you encounter all of the above and then some. Can anyone tell me what normal is? I'm so confused, maybe it's me? Have things changed so drastically that I'm completely out of touch with reality? It's not like I've been in a comma for 20 years!
Oh well, I'm persistent and don't give up easily. I'll ride the waves while holding onto the hope that there are still some nice, honest and normal people out there. The world would be a very sad place if they didn't exist. They are rare and in the minority, hence hard to find. Wish me luck, this time I have no doubt I'm most definitely going to need it!
God help all of us single people looking for love! Maybe I need a time machine to take me back 20 years when life was less complicated! Good luck!!!
Dateless in Ottawa
OMG, less than 48 hours on the site and this is what I experienced:
1. 3 crotch shots! This is a new record and an all time low for men.
Are guys for real? I'm sorry, but not the least bit sexy or attractive in my opinion. Obnoxious, inappropriate, lacking class, politically incorrect...these are just a few of the adjectives that come to mind. Why, after exchanging a couple of emails do guys suddenly feel it's appropriate to send a picture of their penis? Guys, I mean boys, please keep it in your pants. By the way boys, you might not be as well endowed as you think you are, so spare yourself some embarrassment along with a strong dose of rejection! Do you really believe women like these? To each his own I suppose. I haven't even met you in person to determine whether any attraction or chemistry exists, I can assure you we definitely won't be meeting now because it's painfully obvious you're only looking for one thing.
2. Inappropriate usernames, emails and profiles, too many to count!
a) By simply reading usernames, you can quickly identify who's just looking for sex. Could you be any more blatantly obvious with usernames like "Bigandblack4u" or "Wellhungmale"? I'll stop there.
b) Who sends an introductory email that says, "Yummy!" or "Yo" or "Mmmmm"? Excuse my language, but WTF???
Time to go back to school boys and relearn English grammar, spelling and how to properly construct a greeting and/or introductory email. God forbid I ask you to write an entire paragraph, as it seems that would be well beyond most of these boys' capabilities. Yes, I'll refer to these guys as boys because the term gentlemen absolutely does not apply. I would expect a man to behave with a bit more class and maturity.
Then there's the emails asking what my sexual fetishes, preferences and favourite positions are? So much for addressing the basics first like name, occupation, where you live and what your background is. Can we meet to see if there's any potential first and then maybe if we hit it off, explore the topic of sex? What happened to having a bit of mystery and intrigue? Are surprises now out of fashion? I totally get that if the physical aspect of a relationship is extremely important to you, it's good to make that known to a potential partner to ensure you're both on the same page, but there are more classy, politically correct and/or subtle ways of doing that.
c) Profiles can be very scary. As if I'll respond to an email that simply says, "Yummy" attached to a profile that says: "I taste amazing!" So much for sites claiming you must have a minimum number of characters in your profile. Not sure how he got away with this one. Are you kidding me? I'm beyond shocked. And most of this coming from boys in their 50's. Are they going through another mid-life crisis? Perhaps it's a form of male menopause? OMG it's an epidemic of unmeasurable proportions! I guess the generalization that men never grow up has some truth it, not to mention they just seem to get worse as they age. Sad that my teenage son behaves with more class and decorum than these morons.
What about a profile that goes on and on about his last girlfriend, how sexy she was and how much he loved her. Unfortunately she grew tired of the love, but loved his cooking so he regularly makes house calls to deliver food??? WTF really? Like food is all he's delivering and he has to make that known to all who read his profile. Oh, I'm dying to meet you dude....NOT!
Then there's the one that goes into an elaborate explanation about the differences between nipple skin and elbow skin? Excuse me? I thought I was reading a profile not a weird medical journal or opinion piece. I was speechless. What does one say to that? Not to mention I can't quite figure out how that is suppose to attract women? Did I miss something?
And these guys wonder why they're single. OMG get a grip! Go read your profile, better yet, ask a few friends or co-workers to read it and provide feedback. Highly unlikely they'll give you a thumbs up.
3. Pictures
Once again, what's up with the married guys sporting their wedding rings? Unreal, talk about bad liars. Their profiles claim they are single or divorced, but there they are showing off their shiny gold wedding band in not one or two, but most if not all of their profile pics! Wait let me guess, you have no other pictures of yourself? In this day and age that's the lamest excuse anyone can come up with. Take a selfie, similar to the ones you took wearing your wedding band while standing in front of a mirror in the bathroom! By the way most mobile devices have a feature that allows you to turn the camera around so you don't have to stand in front of a mirror. Just saying, maybe you should read the owner's manual. Better yet, ask a friend or family member to take a picture of you. It's truly not that difficult. If you're too embarrassed to ask a friend, pretend you're a tourist and ask a stranger or server to take a picture while you're out and about.
Oh wait, it gets better. The infamous bathroom selfies while standing half-naked! Some even in a public washroom! Boys grow up and put some clothes on! Gross, a picture with a toilet or urinal in the background. Do boys really believe these pictures are sexy and appealing? Think again, NOT! If you must do the bathroom selfie thing, do it at home. BUT please, please, please make sure your bathroom is clean and the toilet seat is down in case you forgot to flush. Unbelievable!!! This should go without saying. Is common sense that lacking these days? Bad enough you can't write, I strongly recommend you look at your pictures closely before you post them online.
When in doubt boys, here's a simple rule of thumb for you - if you wouldn't show the picture to your Mother, don't post it on your profile or send it by email! If you wouldn't say it to your Mother, don't say it to a woman or anyone else for that matter. Better to err on the side of caution. If you wouldn't ask your Mom a certain question, don't ask a virtual stranger who you're hoping to date. Once in a relationship or at least dating and somewhat comfortable, then ask your questions and get more racy. Until then, mind your manners!
My online dating experience to date is extremely discouraging this time around. I'm actually quite terrified. Very hard to remain positive when after barely being on the site for 2 days you encounter all of the above and then some. Can anyone tell me what normal is? I'm so confused, maybe it's me? Have things changed so drastically that I'm completely out of touch with reality? It's not like I've been in a comma for 20 years!
Oh well, I'm persistent and don't give up easily. I'll ride the waves while holding onto the hope that there are still some nice, honest and normal people out there. The world would be a very sad place if they didn't exist. They are rare and in the minority, hence hard to find. Wish me luck, this time I have no doubt I'm most definitely going to need it!
God help all of us single people looking for love! Maybe I need a time machine to take me back 20 years when life was less complicated! Good luck!!!
Dateless in Ottawa
Friday, 30 March 2018
Round 34 - Back to online dating...what am I getting myself into??? - updated
After a long break I had to reassess my life.
Family - The kids were thriving and doing well in school. They were also helping out around the house more which greatly lightened my load.
Work - Was going great. Very busy with lots of travel, but it was nice to meet new people and see new places. At the same time the kids get a break from me too! Lol
Health - On the health front things were ok too and I had miraculously lost weight! Wasn't even trying, it just seems to keep falling off. Perfect, just in time for Summer and bikini weather! Lol
Life - In general life was good. Great family and friends and lots to do.
What was missing?
All of a sudden I seemed to have more time. Not sure where it came from. As nice as it is to have time for oneself, you start overthinking and comparing yourself to others. It reminds you of what you once had, what you don't have and what you wish you had. I missed being the other half of a couple. Overall I was content with my life. There's nothing I can't do and I'm not in need of being rescued or taken care of. I have a house, food, vehicles and all the things I enjoy. My family and friends are amazing. Twice a year I take vacation leave and travel, things were good.
There was only one thing missing that would make life as close to perfect as it could be. I longed for a companion. Someone to do things with. Go out to dinners, weekend getaways, long walks...the list is endless. It would be nice to have a date for all the different events I attend through work and with friends. Being the 3rd wheel is not fun. I love my friends dearly, but when we're out at dinners or weddings, I'm the one that winds up alone at the table when the slow songs come on and some of the fast ones too. How I missed having a dance partner! And I won't lie, there's a huge void in the intimacy department.
Lately I've been travelling extensively for work. Go figure I keep getting these amazing upgrades at hotels, but I'm all alone! The last trip I was upgraded to a suite. I was blown away when I got to my room. There were 2 queen beds, small office, fireplace and a huge corner Jacuzzi tub. I could've had a party in the tub! Damn, rub it in just a little bit more than I'm single! I don't get it, I booked for one, why would they think this was a good idea? A complimentary dinner or massage would be way more useful and thoroughly enjoyed. Oh well, romantic celebration pour une! Lol
One thing that really annoys me when eating out alone is when they seat you at a table for 2 and then abruptly take away the second place setting. First of all I don't need to be reminded that I'm alone and honestly does it matter? There was one waiter that was really rude. He just starting grabbing everything off the table, slamming the cutlery and stemware like he was pissed off that I created more work for him. I commented and his response, "Well you're alone and not expecting anyone are you?" Thank you very much! So considerate of you, as if I didn't know I was alone. Did I not say, "Table for one when I arrived?" They could at least let me sit down, get comfortable and discreetly take away the extra place setting while I look at the menu. Why do they even bother setting the tables in advance anyways? Wait till you seat the clients then bring the place settings you need. Good grief, you'd think I was going to play musical chairs and dirty the second place setting too!
So what are the options for dating?
-Work is out of the question because I don't mix business with pleasure. Very bad work environment when things don't end well and you have to see the person every day. Not to mention most of the people I work with are married.
-Going out and meeting people. Not sure how that happens or where to even go, but yes some meet their significant other while waiting in line at Tim Hortons, shopping at Home Depot or on a plane during a business trip. Sorry, I'm just not that lucky. Probably because if I'm going to Timmy's, I'm at the drive through, my Dad or male friends will pick up what we need from Home Depot when they help me fix something and when I travel I try to catch up on sleep!
-Getting set-up by friends could be an option. but it hasn't worked in the past. Within my circles of friends, most people at this age are married. My girlfriends don't have any single brothers, cousins or friends. Furthermore they always say, "If a man is single at this age, it's for a good reason and you don't want him." Thanks, what does that say for me? Apparently I'm an exception because I was widowed and didn't choose to be alone. Works for me and it's true.
-Ok, I guess by default, online dating it is! After all, this is a tool that allows you to meet people you probably wouldn't otherwise get the opportunity to meet. Can you tell I'm trying to focus on the positive? Lol
On to round #34 - What am I getting myself into?
Based on my recent experience with Zoosk, there's no way in hell I'm paying to find love, so POF is the winner by default! I created my profile and uploaded 4 pictures. A head shot, a full body shot (a picture on the beach to represent my love of travel and water), another at an event and a picture of a paella I made to show of my culinary talents. One of my best male friends helped me pick a cute user name and my opening line is "Will cook for love". My Mother always said the way to a man's heart is through his stomach!
For my preferences I was a bit more selective this time. Users that wanted to email me had to have a picture posted, the acceptable distance was 50 km (I expanded a bit to cast my net further), age range 45-55 (I tightened this one up as men over 55 typically aren't interested in young children and I still have a 6 year-old) and listed a wide range of interests. My profile was funny, while detailing what I'm looking for and the qualities that are most important to me in a mate. It wasn't too long or too short. I had a few friends read it just to make sure it was ok. They gave me the thumbs up and poof, I was active!
I told myself I wouldn't allow myself to become all consumed and obsessed. No expectations = no disappointment....yeah right, we'll see how long that lasts! For starters I'd log in and do some searches. If I found a profile that piqued my interest, I'd add it to my favourites to let him know I had viewed his profile and was interested. No sending introductory emails unless I found a totally outstanding profile and I thought the guy would be my perfect match. I was going to put the ball in the guys' court. Chivalry is huge for me, so if a guy puts in the effort, he'll get my attention. Once or twice a week I'd go in and check my inbox for emails. POF sends email notifications when users send you an email or add you as a favourite, so this would help me keep track.
Off I went. Stay tuned for my interesting, wild, wacky, not so great, fantastic and original online dating adventures. If nothing else, I'll have tons more material for my blog to keep you all thoroughly entertained! Lol
Dateless in Ottawa
Family - The kids were thriving and doing well in school. They were also helping out around the house more which greatly lightened my load.
Work - Was going great. Very busy with lots of travel, but it was nice to meet new people and see new places. At the same time the kids get a break from me too! Lol
Health - On the health front things were ok too and I had miraculously lost weight! Wasn't even trying, it just seems to keep falling off. Perfect, just in time for Summer and bikini weather! Lol
Life - In general life was good. Great family and friends and lots to do.
What was missing?
All of a sudden I seemed to have more time. Not sure where it came from. As nice as it is to have time for oneself, you start overthinking and comparing yourself to others. It reminds you of what you once had, what you don't have and what you wish you had. I missed being the other half of a couple. Overall I was content with my life. There's nothing I can't do and I'm not in need of being rescued or taken care of. I have a house, food, vehicles and all the things I enjoy. My family and friends are amazing. Twice a year I take vacation leave and travel, things were good.
There was only one thing missing that would make life as close to perfect as it could be. I longed for a companion. Someone to do things with. Go out to dinners, weekend getaways, long walks...the list is endless. It would be nice to have a date for all the different events I attend through work and with friends. Being the 3rd wheel is not fun. I love my friends dearly, but when we're out at dinners or weddings, I'm the one that winds up alone at the table when the slow songs come on and some of the fast ones too. How I missed having a dance partner! And I won't lie, there's a huge void in the intimacy department.
Lately I've been travelling extensively for work. Go figure I keep getting these amazing upgrades at hotels, but I'm all alone! The last trip I was upgraded to a suite. I was blown away when I got to my room. There were 2 queen beds, small office, fireplace and a huge corner Jacuzzi tub. I could've had a party in the tub! Damn, rub it in just a little bit more than I'm single! I don't get it, I booked for one, why would they think this was a good idea? A complimentary dinner or massage would be way more useful and thoroughly enjoyed. Oh well, romantic celebration pour une! Lol
One thing that really annoys me when eating out alone is when they seat you at a table for 2 and then abruptly take away the second place setting. First of all I don't need to be reminded that I'm alone and honestly does it matter? There was one waiter that was really rude. He just starting grabbing everything off the table, slamming the cutlery and stemware like he was pissed off that I created more work for him. I commented and his response, "Well you're alone and not expecting anyone are you?" Thank you very much! So considerate of you, as if I didn't know I was alone. Did I not say, "Table for one when I arrived?" They could at least let me sit down, get comfortable and discreetly take away the extra place setting while I look at the menu. Why do they even bother setting the tables in advance anyways? Wait till you seat the clients then bring the place settings you need. Good grief, you'd think I was going to play musical chairs and dirty the second place setting too!
So what are the options for dating?
-Work is out of the question because I don't mix business with pleasure. Very bad work environment when things don't end well and you have to see the person every day. Not to mention most of the people I work with are married.
-Going out and meeting people. Not sure how that happens or where to even go, but yes some meet their significant other while waiting in line at Tim Hortons, shopping at Home Depot or on a plane during a business trip. Sorry, I'm just not that lucky. Probably because if I'm going to Timmy's, I'm at the drive through, my Dad or male friends will pick up what we need from Home Depot when they help me fix something and when I travel I try to catch up on sleep!
-Getting set-up by friends could be an option. but it hasn't worked in the past. Within my circles of friends, most people at this age are married. My girlfriends don't have any single brothers, cousins or friends. Furthermore they always say, "If a man is single at this age, it's for a good reason and you don't want him." Thanks, what does that say for me? Apparently I'm an exception because I was widowed and didn't choose to be alone. Works for me and it's true.
-Ok, I guess by default, online dating it is! After all, this is a tool that allows you to meet people you probably wouldn't otherwise get the opportunity to meet. Can you tell I'm trying to focus on the positive? Lol
On to round #34 - What am I getting myself into?
Based on my recent experience with Zoosk, there's no way in hell I'm paying to find love, so POF is the winner by default! I created my profile and uploaded 4 pictures. A head shot, a full body shot (a picture on the beach to represent my love of travel and water), another at an event and a picture of a paella I made to show of my culinary talents. One of my best male friends helped me pick a cute user name and my opening line is "Will cook for love". My Mother always said the way to a man's heart is through his stomach!
For my preferences I was a bit more selective this time. Users that wanted to email me had to have a picture posted, the acceptable distance was 50 km (I expanded a bit to cast my net further), age range 45-55 (I tightened this one up as men over 55 typically aren't interested in young children and I still have a 6 year-old) and listed a wide range of interests. My profile was funny, while detailing what I'm looking for and the qualities that are most important to me in a mate. It wasn't too long or too short. I had a few friends read it just to make sure it was ok. They gave me the thumbs up and poof, I was active!
I told myself I wouldn't allow myself to become all consumed and obsessed. No expectations = no disappointment....yeah right, we'll see how long that lasts! For starters I'd log in and do some searches. If I found a profile that piqued my interest, I'd add it to my favourites to let him know I had viewed his profile and was interested. No sending introductory emails unless I found a totally outstanding profile and I thought the guy would be my perfect match. I was going to put the ball in the guys' court. Chivalry is huge for me, so if a guy puts in the effort, he'll get my attention. Once or twice a week I'd go in and check my inbox for emails. POF sends email notifications when users send you an email or add you as a favourite, so this would help me keep track.
Off I went. Stay tuned for my interesting, wild, wacky, not so great, fantastic and original online dating adventures. If nothing else, I'll have tons more material for my blog to keep you all thoroughly entertained! Lol
Dateless in Ottawa
Tuesday, 13 March 2018
Zoosk: Rethinking the whole paying for online dating services - DON'T!!!
You all know my stance when it comes to paying to find love, but after discussions with friends, most of them felt that I was being too narrow minded. In their opinions, paying for services would provide one with better quality services. If someone was going to invest money in finding their significant other, this would imply they were more serious and willing to put their best foot forward. At the end of the day who wants to throw money away stupidly? Their arguments made sense. Maybe I needed to rethink and give a paying site a shot. What did I have to lose? Money obviously, but I am worth it and who knows maybe things will be different.
The next question was, what site? Options are endless, but I decided to stay away from ones I had previously had paid memberships on. This time there would be no Match or eHarmony. After several google searches, Zoosk seemed to keep coming up as a highly rated site. In the past they didn't charge, but now there was a membership fee to fully use their services.
The ensuing barrage of emails was beyond overwhelming. There was no rhyme or reason to the emails. I couldn't figure out a schedule or system, there was no consistency. I couldn't find anywhere to change settings or limit emails. Zoosk sends an email every time someone views your profile, to advise you that a member wants to meet you, with lists of members they think you might be interested in, lists of smartpicks, dating tips, encouraging you to sign up, to advise you a member has sent you an email and the list goes on an on..... I find it way too much. My inbox fills constantly and most of it is junk. Managing your inbox becomes a full-time job!
On other sites they send you a weekly email with a list of matches. On Zoosk you could get one daily, every second day, every third, two the same day.....OMG no consistency. Do I care when someone views my profile? NO. I want them to contact me because they liked what they read and want to get to know me.
Anyways, I left the profile up for about a month and didn't subscribe. At the end of the month, I had a notification that there were 46 emails in my inbox an 16 greetings. This seemed impressive. Maybe this site was different and my profile was getting more attention due to a broader audience? Better quality candidates? One could only assume, so I finally broke down and decided to subscribe.
First off, when you complete the form a message pops up advising there's a one-time registration fee. Wait a second!!! Funny how this wasn't mentioned anywhere previously. This pissed me off so I deleted everything. Registration fee for what? It made no sense. $75.00 now became $100.00. It's not significant, but really? To a single mom it can make a huge difference.
Oh well, I told myself I deserved to find happiness and I was well worth $100.00. It was my turn to do something for myself. Off I went, signed up and paid. Immediately I noticed all the phone numbers and customer service contact info that was forever present, disappeared. Suddenly a message appeared stating that all fees were non-refundable. This didn't give me a warm and fuzzy feeling.
I immediately logged in to check my inbox. OMG I was so pissed off. There weren't 46 emails in my inbox. The ones that were there were system generated emails when members had liked my picture, very similar to the meet me feature on Plenty of Fish. There were about 20 of these. The so called greetings, are when members click on "meet you", so once again they are all system generated. What a huge let down. I immediately tried to contact customer service to cancel the membership. This was beyond dishonest and misleading. Talk about playing on people's emotions, lying and ultimately ripping them off.
Given my experience with online dating to date and all the stats on how 80% or more of members are dishonest, the last thing I need is for the site itself to further add insult and injury to it's unsuspecting members. They promise they have your best interests at heart, they are there to help you find your soul mate, a state of the art matching system and quality members. Yeah right, I should've stuck to my original stance. Low and behold I couldn't find anyway of contacting customer service. Eventually I found a link, but after completing the feedback form I got an error message stating the message could not be sent! I was so mad. So now here I am stuck with this membership.
To date, I have yet to receive an email from a member. As if I'm not already getting too many emails, now I further get system generated emails to advise me of mutual matches, only 2 to date!
To anyone out there contemplating paying for online dating services, I say don't do it. At the end of the day these companies don't care about helping you finding love, it's all about the bottom line. They play with your emotions and make empty promises to get your money. There are a lucky few that may find love, but I don't believe these sites deserve the credit. After paying for my subscription and doing user searches, many of these guys are on POF and other free sites. So much for the theory that paying makes you more serious....NOT!
Once again, I highly discourage anyone from paying for online dating services. Use the free sites because it's the same people using all the sites and I don't believe any of these companies have a magic formula to help you find love. No matter how much you pay, no site can control whether or not its members are being honest and this has the greatest impact on the success of a relationship. I don't care how pretty they make the site look or how many members they claim to have, we all just need that one special person not millions. Don't be discouraged, chances are you'll have to meet upwards of 100 people before you might find the one. Take it in stride and have fun. Worry about today, don't plan too far in advance or over think.
Good luck, we certainly need it with members and the companies that claim to be there to help us all being dishonest. Dating was so much easier 20 years ago!
Dateless in Ottawa
The next question was, what site? Options are endless, but I decided to stay away from ones I had previously had paid memberships on. This time there would be no Match or eHarmony. After several google searches, Zoosk seemed to keep coming up as a highly rated site. In the past they didn't charge, but now there was a membership fee to fully use their services.
The ensuing barrage of emails was beyond overwhelming. There was no rhyme or reason to the emails. I couldn't figure out a schedule or system, there was no consistency. I couldn't find anywhere to change settings or limit emails. Zoosk sends an email every time someone views your profile, to advise you that a member wants to meet you, with lists of members they think you might be interested in, lists of smartpicks, dating tips, encouraging you to sign up, to advise you a member has sent you an email and the list goes on an on..... I find it way too much. My inbox fills constantly and most of it is junk. Managing your inbox becomes a full-time job!
On other sites they send you a weekly email with a list of matches. On Zoosk you could get one daily, every second day, every third, two the same day.....OMG no consistency. Do I care when someone views my profile? NO. I want them to contact me because they liked what they read and want to get to know me.
Anyways, I left the profile up for about a month and didn't subscribe. At the end of the month, I had a notification that there were 46 emails in my inbox an 16 greetings. This seemed impressive. Maybe this site was different and my profile was getting more attention due to a broader audience? Better quality candidates? One could only assume, so I finally broke down and decided to subscribe.
First off, when you complete the form a message pops up advising there's a one-time registration fee. Wait a second!!! Funny how this wasn't mentioned anywhere previously. This pissed me off so I deleted everything. Registration fee for what? It made no sense. $75.00 now became $100.00. It's not significant, but really? To a single mom it can make a huge difference.
Oh well, I told myself I deserved to find happiness and I was well worth $100.00. It was my turn to do something for myself. Off I went, signed up and paid. Immediately I noticed all the phone numbers and customer service contact info that was forever present, disappeared. Suddenly a message appeared stating that all fees were non-refundable. This didn't give me a warm and fuzzy feeling.
I immediately logged in to check my inbox. OMG I was so pissed off. There weren't 46 emails in my inbox. The ones that were there were system generated emails when members had liked my picture, very similar to the meet me feature on Plenty of Fish. There were about 20 of these. The so called greetings, are when members click on "meet you", so once again they are all system generated. What a huge let down. I immediately tried to contact customer service to cancel the membership. This was beyond dishonest and misleading. Talk about playing on people's emotions, lying and ultimately ripping them off.
Given my experience with online dating to date and all the stats on how 80% or more of members are dishonest, the last thing I need is for the site itself to further add insult and injury to it's unsuspecting members. They promise they have your best interests at heart, they are there to help you find your soul mate, a state of the art matching system and quality members. Yeah right, I should've stuck to my original stance. Low and behold I couldn't find anyway of contacting customer service. Eventually I found a link, but after completing the feedback form I got an error message stating the message could not be sent! I was so mad. So now here I am stuck with this membership.
To date, I have yet to receive an email from a member. As if I'm not already getting too many emails, now I further get system generated emails to advise me of mutual matches, only 2 to date!
To anyone out there contemplating paying for online dating services, I say don't do it. At the end of the day these companies don't care about helping you finding love, it's all about the bottom line. They play with your emotions and make empty promises to get your money. There are a lucky few that may find love, but I don't believe these sites deserve the credit. After paying for my subscription and doing user searches, many of these guys are on POF and other free sites. So much for the theory that paying makes you more serious....NOT!
Once again, I highly discourage anyone from paying for online dating services. Use the free sites because it's the same people using all the sites and I don't believe any of these companies have a magic formula to help you find love. No matter how much you pay, no site can control whether or not its members are being honest and this has the greatest impact on the success of a relationship. I don't care how pretty they make the site look or how many members they claim to have, we all just need that one special person not millions. Don't be discouraged, chances are you'll have to meet upwards of 100 people before you might find the one. Take it in stride and have fun. Worry about today, don't plan too far in advance or over think.
Good luck, we certainly need it with members and the companies that claim to be there to help us all being dishonest. Dating was so much easier 20 years ago!
Dateless in Ottawa
Monday, 8 January 2018
Online Dating Sites Explored - Part 6: Zoosk
Years ago someone had set up a Zoosk account on my behalf. I suddenly started getting emails and couldn't figure out who these guys were and why they were emailing me. Never did figure out who did it!
Zoosk is on the top 10 Online Dating Sites list, so off I went to check it out. I set-up a profile without any pictures. It doesn't cost anything to create a profile, but if you want to read and send messages you have to subscribe. The site allows you to send 4 emails at no cost, but if you don't subscribe you can't read their responses.
It was easy enough to set-up the profile. Zoosk asks the basis questions like location, age, sex and you can add information on your perfect match and ideal date. You'll then get a series of Smartpick questions. These touch on your preferences like smoking, height, ethnicity and religion. I like the look of the site and it's easy to navigate which gives it a thumbs up from me! Lol Definitely very basic and to the point.
The username I chose was approved and then when you add your story it gets approved before it is added to your profile. You can add interests like music, movies, sports and TV shows.
One thing that's very different on this site is that it has a verification area. By linking your Facebook or Twitter account, it claims you improve your reputation on Zoosk which results in more messages and connections. This can also be done through photo verification or your phone number. Personally I don't want information from my social media accounts linked to an online dating profile, nor do I want anyone to have access to my phone number until I'm ready to share it. The site claims they will never tweet or post on Facebook on your behalf, so not sure why anyone would go this route
it seems unnecessary to me.
The profile was all set-up and my content was approved. Another online dating site that inundates you with emails. Oh my goodness! Zoosk is somewhat inconsistent in that some times I get daily matches, other times it's every second or third day and weekly. I can't figure out a system or way of altering my email preferences under settings. Basically for emails you have the option to enable or disable. They also send you a notification when another member sends you an email. Even if you haven't subscribed, you can look at the member's profile just not read the email.
I haven't quite figured out all the functionality, but much of it only become accessible when you subscribe. Costs to join are $12.49 per month for 6 months or $19.98 per month for 3 months.
One feature that I wish it had was the ability to set distance limits. I can't find that anywhere and many of the matches I've received fall well outside of my acceptable limit. Under the Smartpick questions for height, I specifically said I wouldn't date men shorter than me yet many of the emails I received were from men that didn't meet my preference.
Paying to find love goes against my principles so I'll have to pass on Zoosk as well. If you're big on social media and using your smartphone, Zoosk could work for you. Check out their mobile app.
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
Zoosk is on the top 10 Online Dating Sites list, so off I went to check it out. I set-up a profile without any pictures. It doesn't cost anything to create a profile, but if you want to read and send messages you have to subscribe. The site allows you to send 4 emails at no cost, but if you don't subscribe you can't read their responses.
It was easy enough to set-up the profile. Zoosk asks the basis questions like location, age, sex and you can add information on your perfect match and ideal date. You'll then get a series of Smartpick questions. These touch on your preferences like smoking, height, ethnicity and religion. I like the look of the site and it's easy to navigate which gives it a thumbs up from me! Lol Definitely very basic and to the point.
The username I chose was approved and then when you add your story it gets approved before it is added to your profile. You can add interests like music, movies, sports and TV shows.
One thing that's very different on this site is that it has a verification area. By linking your Facebook or Twitter account, it claims you improve your reputation on Zoosk which results in more messages and connections. This can also be done through photo verification or your phone number. Personally I don't want information from my social media accounts linked to an online dating profile, nor do I want anyone to have access to my phone number until I'm ready to share it. The site claims they will never tweet or post on Facebook on your behalf, so not sure why anyone would go this route
it seems unnecessary to me.
The profile was all set-up and my content was approved. Another online dating site that inundates you with emails. Oh my goodness! Zoosk is somewhat inconsistent in that some times I get daily matches, other times it's every second or third day and weekly. I can't figure out a system or way of altering my email preferences under settings. Basically for emails you have the option to enable or disable. They also send you a notification when another member sends you an email. Even if you haven't subscribed, you can look at the member's profile just not read the email.
I haven't quite figured out all the functionality, but much of it only become accessible when you subscribe. Costs to join are $12.49 per month for 6 months or $19.98 per month for 3 months.
One feature that I wish it had was the ability to set distance limits. I can't find that anywhere and many of the matches I've received fall well outside of my acceptable limit. Under the Smartpick questions for height, I specifically said I wouldn't date men shorter than me yet many of the emails I received were from men that didn't meet my preference.
Paying to find love goes against my principles so I'll have to pass on Zoosk as well. If you're big on social media and using your smartphone, Zoosk could work for you. Check out their mobile app.
Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa
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