What is the purpose of a profile?
After talking to a close friend and getting his take on the purpose of a profile, I had to write a post.
According to my friend, when you...no wait allow me to clarify, when a man looks at and reads a profile he's looking to answer the following 2 questions:
1. Do I see myself sleeping with that person?
2. Would I be embarrassed to be seen out in public with that person?
He confessed that he's not too concerned with what's written in the profile as most people (mainly guys) don't read them anyways. I told him not to generalize as I do read the entire profile and it's important.
Personally I found his assessment way too harsh. I protested that he was being a typical male where everything revolves around appearance and sex. I felt angry and insulted at the same time. That's not how I want people to think when they look at my profile. He made it sound like profiles are cuts of meat on display at the butcher's..."Wow, check out that cut it looks good, not wait that one looks even better." I put a lot of time, effort and thought into how I describe myself and choose tasteful pictures that are recent and true representations of me. After a heated debate, I had to stop and think. What goes through my mind when I look at a profile? What am I looking for? What catches my attention? I was stumped, he really made me think.
First of all, we all have preferences. Some may be less important, others more rigid. Personally, tall, dark and handsome has always been my thing. Definitely prefer stocky over thin or athletic. Why? Can't say I'm completely sure why, but being taller than average I prefer that my significant other to be taller than me. I'm a brunette with dark eyes, does that influence my preference? Maybe. It's not to say I wouldn't date someone blond with blue eyes or a red head with green eyes because I have, but most of the guys I've dated had dark hair and dark eyes. I think in general I'm pretty open minded and flexible.
So what do I think when I look at a profile?
First of all, it depends on whether I'm simply searching through profiles or reading an email I received.
When establishing search criteria, the following are extremely important to me:
a) Marital status
- He must be single, divorced or widowed
b) Age
- My acceptable age range is based on my age. A few years younger to a few years older, usually about a 10 year range.
c) Distance
- My preference would be within 25 km, but I can be somewhat flexible on this one.
d) Height
- Minimum of 5'10" would be nice. My standards have dropped significantly because years ago my minimum acceptable height was 6'. One has to be reasonable and adaptable or at least try? Lol
e) Employment status
- Must be gainfully employed, retired or independently wealthy. No I'm not a gold digger, but if I wanted another dependent, I'd have another child.
f) Non-smoker
- I can handle the occasional cigar and maybe a social smoker.
g) No substance abuse
- Whether drugs or alcohol, I'll pass. Allow me to further add gambler.
h) Own a vehicle
- A relationship is give and take so I would expect my significant other to be able to come and see me or take turns driving. There could be exceptions due to a disability, but in general having a vehicle is my preference. Mom's Uber service is already overextended!
i) Race/ethnic background
- Typically I'm drawn to caucasians or men with an olive complexion, but it's not to say I wouldn't date others because I have.
I don't dwell too much on religion, hair/eye colour, occupation, interests or whether they have kids. We can address these later.
When I receive an email, the first thing I do is read it. A simple "Hi" or "Hey" isn't going to get my attention. An honest effort that demonstrates you took the time to read my profile will score you major brownie points and get my attention. After reading the email, I check out the profile. I won't lie, attraction is important. But it's important to keep in mind that not all of us are photogenic or super models, so there has to be some flexibility. I've learned over the years that one can be very pleasantly surprised when meeting someone in person. Yes, there has to be something that draws you to the picture, but keep an open mind. Also remember that looks fade, one's qualities and how they treat you are far more important and last forever.
When reading a profile I try to determine whether the individual meets the majority of my criteria. Obviously shared interests are a bonus. I'm not a fan of tattoos or piercings so they could influence me to say no thank you. Anything rude or inappropriate will also result in a rejection.
Back to my friend's opinions:
1. Do I see myself sleeping with that person?
Maybe as a woman I'm just a bit more flowery and politically correct. I will definitely ask myself "Can I picture myself with this person?" Loosely translated does that mean the same thing? Maybe.
2. Would I be embarrassed to be seen out in public with that person?
The questions I would ask myself are: "Do I feel an initial attraction to this person based on the picture(s)? Could I kiss this person?" I note a big difference here.
At the end of the day, maybe there's some truth to what my friend said. If you can't see yourself with someone or picture kissing them, you more than likely won't be sleeping with them. At least I couldn't. Would I date someone I'm not attracted to? Probably not. The part about being embarrassed for me is different. If my date was loud and abnoxious, yes I would totally be embarrassed, but I won't know that until we go out. Looks are subjective. I might find someone attractive while others don't, this wouldn't cause me embarrassment. It's a personal choice, not everyone has to or will like what I like.
I think this boils down to men and women verbalizing things differently. It's probably all that "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus" stuff.
Was he right? Maybe. I apologized for getting so angry at him. He was surprised by my post. When he read it he said it sounded so crude. It was not his intention, he was talking in basic English to get his point across. He also loves to get my blood boiling and knows exactly what to say to get the desired effect. Sometimes the truth hurts and we don't want to admit we're thinking the exact same thing, just packaging it differently to sound more politically correct. Some food for thought.
What do you think? Would love to hear your thoughts and opinions. Please feel free to comment. Enjoy what's left of the weekend!
Dateless in Ottawa
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