In 2018, what is one to do when they are searching for love? Drum roll please.......the correct answer is use online dating!!! Lol
There aren't many options, so back to online dating I went to sift through more profiles and emails. Not sure what was going on. This time around I was getting way more emails - wait, quantity yes. Quality??? Well, that's another story! Are there suddenly more single people? Was there a sudden spike in divorce rates and break-ups? Are more married men suffering from a mid-life crisis looking to cheat and play games? Is Spring fever to blame? Very odd, but on a positive note perhaps more potential candidates???
Statistics claim that one has to meet upwards of 100 potential candidates before finding a match. I'm no where near 100, so sadly this means my search has only just begun. I'm trying to stay positive and simply enjoy the moment, but it's hard.
When talking to girlfriends, I ask them for their opinions, tips, tricks, advice anything that can help me in my quest to find a man. Kind of hard for them to help when they've all been married forever. Things weren't like this years ago, they have no clue what it's like trying to date in 2018. At my age, I find it harder to date. Everyone says it should be easier, but it's not. First of all I'm a single Mom of 4 kids aged 17 and under. They live with me full-time so obviously a lot of my time is devoted to my kids. Then add to that a very demanding job that has me travelling frequently. Interestingly enough, I am very creative. No matter how busy I am, I manage to find the time to schedule just about anything. Whether it's an impromptu shopping adventure to the US, kids' sports competition, a ballet, brunch with a close friend, catering for a church function, visiting family or a girls' night out, magically my calendar suddenly has openings to accommodate everyone! I actually manage to impress myself, not sure how I do it.
I think what I find hardest is the intimacy part. You meet someone, enjoy their company and sooner or later sex has to happen. The physical aspect is extremely important and will certainly make or break a relationship. At my house this is a challenge. I'm not going to bring men home with my kids there. My older ones are up late, not like when they were younger and in bed early. A few years back I could get a sitter, go out for dinner, bring someone home, send the sitter on her way and know the kids were out like rocks until morning. I didn't worry about making noise or waking them up. Not the same now. With teenagers I try to be more discreet and lead by example. I'm not going to let my teenagers bring people home for sex so I have a hard time allowing myself to do it. Sex is meant to be enjoyed. If I'm worried about making noise or I know my teenagers are awake down stairs in the living room or across the hall in their bedroom, I just can't let go and enjoy myself and my partner probably won't either. With our luck my six year-old will be banging on my door asking what we're doing!
Even worse when you date another single parent that also has full-time custody of their kids. Especially when they think the same way I do. Where do we go? What do we do? Is there truly a negative impact to our kids or is it just us being too over protective? It shouldn't be this complicated, our parents had sex and we turned out fine. At my age do I really want to be making out in the back seat of a car? Might be a fun thing to do once in a while, but really? No, at my age a bed is far more comfortable and not the first time. I didn't even do that as a teenager, besides where would we go? There used to be a few lovers' lanes around the city, but with all this construction and new housing projects they're all gone. Man I feel old!
There's also feeling really rusty and out of practice. You start to wonder whether you can even do it! Sex is supposed to be like riding a bike, you never forget. Yeah right! It's not about forgetting what it's like or how wonderful it can be. I can't speak for others, but I feel self-conscious and inexperienced. Kind of like becoming a born again virgin! Dating is supposed to be fun, but it's stressful. Who calls who first? How often to text or email? How far in advance should plans be made? Who pays when you go out? When do you have sex for the first time? Where do you have sex? How do you even get to that discussion? Then the oh so fun one....safe sex and birth control! Am I just overthinking? We are by far our own worst critics.
When I explained to my girlfriend all of the above, she better understood and agreed. Being single and living on your own or with roommates definitely makes dating a lot easier. You have so much more freedom. One can come and go as one pleases. With children in the picture, you have to be more responsible and protective. My children in particular have been through a lot. I've seen how quickly they can become attached to someone and then get hurt when that person suddenly disappears. I don't want just anyone around my kids or a revolving door of strangers. The person has to be respectful, someone who's a positive role model. I'm not looking for a Dad, but hopefully one day he will treat them as his own. In turn I would also want my children to accept and grow to love him. If they can't get along and accept each other, it isn't going to work for me or any of us.
Ok, time to sift through more emails. My perfect match has to be out there somewhere. I think he's lost, he should really ask for directions! Lol
Good luck and stay tuned to my dating adventures!
Dateless in Ottawa
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