Online Dating Sites Explored - Part 5: Elite Singles - updated

I've seen many Elite Singles advertisements.  This is another site I've never used.  Time to check it out!

Who uses Elite Singles?  According to their site:

"...the majority of our members are educated, relatively affluent, and between the ages of 30 and 55. That said, Canadian singles of all ages can (and do!) find love on our site as, above anything, we are designed for singles seeking lasting commitment."

After reading this, I think they are making too many assumptions.  I think it's more than likely inaccurate that the majority of their members are affluent and educated.  Besides, how do they define educated?  This could mean very different things depending on who you ask; completed high school, bachelors degree, tradesperson, masters degree?  At the very least, I have a hard time believing it.  Makes you wonder what members choose within the various categories and what they are seeking in a perfect match.

Also, for those not looking for a lasting commitment, maybe this site is not for you!  Personally I would eventually like to have an exclusive and long lasting relationship, hopefully my forever and last relationship.  For now, I'll set-up a profile and check out the site.

It's easy enough to start.  The site guides you step-by-step.  Once your basic information is entered, the questions start appearing.  This is their in-depth personality test which helps them to determine what you're looking for in a partner.  There are a lot of questions, tons of questions.  The format on this site is very different.  When answering the questions it's more like a rating scale in terms of how important the particular category, quality or element is to you.  The range starts at "Not at all Important" and there are 3 other options before arriving at the last rating of "Very Important."  I like that they touch on all aspects like languages, distance, education level, income....many of these can be used when doing advanced searches on other sites, but here you can rate the importance of each so they can find you appropriate matches.  Other questions can be answered with yes, no or maybe like for example whether you want to have children with your partner.

Overall, the questions seemed very thorough and I like being able to identify the importance of each category and what I expect from a partner. 

As you are responding to the questions, matches, visitors to your profile and messages begin to appear across the top of the screen.  You are able to see your matches with their pictures blurred, but of course if you want to read any messages or interact with other members, you have to subscribe.  There are 3 levels of membership.  Light, comfort and classic.  Rates start at $29.95 per month and go as high as $99.95 for a one month membership.   

The site is user friendly and easy to navigate.  I really like how detailed the profiles are in terms of what's most important to you, but perhaps there's a bit too much information.  Some profiles seem endless with lists of a member's strengths.  Haven't they heard of "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder?"  Gives the appearance that you're rambling on about how awesome you are.  I think 3 adjectives is usually sufficient, keep it simple and humble.  Personally a bit of mystery and intrigue is important.  Besides, you need to have something to talk about when you meet and some of the qualities may be less important than you think when you get to know someone.  It's too easy to rate things and after what seems like hundreds of questions, are we really being truly honest or simply trying to get to the end of the questionnaire by choosing somewhat important for all questions?

At the end of the day, I refuse to pay to find love.  I have yet to find a site that convinces me that becoming a paid member will guarantee or at the very least increase my chances of finding the one.

Update: I left this profile up for a bit and I was shocked at how many emails I received.  My inbox was full in no time. Way, way too many emails.  Some were to let me know someone was requesting a picture, my profile had been viewed, another member has uploaded a picture, proposals, subscribe now and save, etc. the list goes on and on.  I'm ok with getting a weekly email with matches, but this constant barrage of emails was overwhelming.  I deleted the profile, this site is most definitely not for me.  It's the equivalent of a high pressure sales experience only it's via email!  Anything to try to convince you to sign up.  Makes me wonder how many matches I'd actually get if I was a paid  member as it seemed too artificial and staged. 

Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa   

Online Dating Sites Explored - Part 4: OK Cupid - updated

On to the next site. A friend mentioned having used OK Cupid, but I had never been on it or seen it.  It's on the top 10 online dating list so time to check it out.

So far this site is by far the most difficult to navigate, my IT challenges don't help either.  Definitely not user friendly in my opinion, for whatever it’s worth.  OK Cupid is advertised as a free online dating site, but there are some features you have to pay for.  I’m still trying to figure this one out and how it works.  Not sure what an A-List is or why I should pay for it.

I created a profile.  For this site, you have to upload a picture before it will allow you to continue.  I was less than thrilled, as I'm simply checking these sites out and not interested in looking at this point.  There must be a way to hide the profile and I better figure that out quick!  Amazing how much detail you can add about yourself.  There are several sections that you don’t have to fill out, but they encourage you to include as much information about yourself as possible to increase your chances.  Funny how many sites use the same line “to increase your chances.”  Keep buying your Lotto Max tickets!

Once the profile is complete, they start sending you a series of questions.  The answers you provide are used to find you matches.  Well, I was shocked at how many questions they ask.  The nice thing is some of the questions are related to preferences.  Height is usually pretty big for me.  I appreciated that they also ask about religion and ethnic preferences.  We each know what is most important to us and what our deal breakers are, so I thought this was good.  I haven’t seen questions like this on other sites when creating a profile.  You can narrow down what you’re looking for in advanced searches, but I don’t think the other sites use that information for the system generated matches. 

After answering several questions, they just kept coming.  It was endless.  Good thing I was kind of bored and killing some time.  I think I wound up answering 100. Ultimately I think there are way too many questions.  Some were related to your opinion on Trump and some of his ideas???  This seemed totally misplaced to me, I'm here to find love not fix the political problems of the world.  Then they dove into the sexual questions.  Go ahead and ask me if I like sex, but when you start getting into questions about frequency, fetishes, kink, etc. now you’ve gone overboard.  These are areas to be explored with a partner when and if you get there.  Every relationship is different.  How can one predetermine frequency?  This will vary depending on your partner and many things can impact it.  Not necessary or appropriate questions in my opinion.

It was a long process and when I tried to do a search for guys within my city, there wasn't much. With millions of members one would assume there would be a large enough pool of potential candidates within your city.

Eventually they show you matches and you click on an “x” if you’re not interested or a “√” if you are interested.  With all the questions I answered you’d think they’d have tons of matches for me, but sadly there were only 9!  Not sure what happens when there’s a mutual match.  For the ones I chose an “x”, I was not supposed to ever see those profiles again, but they are still able to email me.  I thought this was odd, if I'm not interested what's the point?  Initially I thought maybe you could only communicate with men who you'd said yes you were interested, which would be better I think.  As I mentioned previously, I’m still trying to figure this one out, but I don’t like it.

Nice that you can receive and respond to emails without having to pay. 

Issues with the site:
1. I’m in Canada, why are all the payments in US funds?  Yes, many companies are based in the US, but you’d think the offices set up in other countries would charge based on their national currency. 
2. If you change the search settings and remove the distance limit, you get all kinds of matches in the US.  I will travel for love within reason, but Texas??? 
3. Surprise, surprise...many of the same guys are on POF. 

Oh well, I tried.  Won’t be keeping this account.  The site is way too complicated for me and I just don’t have the time to figure it out. 

Update: Interestingly enough, before I had a chance to delete the profile, a gentleman wrote.  I struggled as I didn't set up the profile to find love.  I was simply checking out the site so I could blog about it.  The email was polite and he made the effort so I was compelled to respond.  He was very funny and seemed nice.  I was honest and explained why I created the profile.  Not sure he believed me, but I was telling the truth.

Him: So you're not single?
Me: Yes I am.
Him: What's the type you normally date?
Me: Someone with a sense of humour.
Him: I guess I'm good for a date then :)  :)  :)

Stay tuned, I'll keep you posted on what happens.  This was so unexpected.  Maybe it's true, when you least expect it things happen.

Another guy also wrote, but I recognized him right away.  He had written on POF several times.  He's one of those that writes fast and furious for several days oozing with compliments, then all of a sudden he deletes his profile.  He then creates a new one and writes to you again as if he's never contacted you before.  It's quite odd.  No thanks, delete!

This site sends you emails with matches and notifies you when you receive an email.  Not sure whether you can control the settings, but most of the online dating sites do this.  I didn't find it was an excessive amount of emails.  I stand by my decision of not paying to find love. 

Just because I didn't like it, doesn't mean it won't work for you, try it and see!

Dateless in Ottawa

Online Dating Sites Explored - Part 3: Match

I had used Match years ago.  At the time I thought it was by far the best looking site. It was colourful and very organized.  I also found you were able to add the most information and pictures.

Back to Match I went to check it out.  It says it's free to start.  There no cost to join or create a profile, but that's about as far as you'll get.  I followed the instructions and created my profile, but didn't upload a picture.  As I created the profile and added information, a number representing the matches found started to appear.  Once I had completed the profile, a message appeared across the screen that they had found me 11 matches.  It asked me to rate my matches, but basically it's a yes or no whether you'd want to meet them.  With time to kill, I figured why not.  Most of the profiles were very short.  The site looks completely different from what I remember.  It appears less user friendly, but then again I am not a paying member so functionality is very limited.  When you're unsure about paying, it's really hard to decide when you can't try out all of the features.

As I browsed through the profiles I started to laugh.  One, then two, three, four....Of the 11 matches they presented, 6 of the guys are on POF using the exact same profile picture.  So much for increasing your chances of relationship success if you use a paying site because members are more serious.  Yeah sure, this totally disproves that theory.  Then I went back to the main site and some of the pictures that appear are of celebrities.  Yup, like Pippa Middleton totally needs to be on Match.com. 

Once you finish rating your matches, a pop-up appears asking you to subscribe and lists the various options and costs.  Unless you subscribe, you cannot communicate with other members.  They have basic plans and bundle plans.  Costs can run as low as $16.00 US per month when you sign up for 12 months or as high as $24.99 US per month for a 3-month subscription.  Apparently they offer free 3-day trials, but I was not given that option.

Some of the features with a paid subscription:

Viewing and communication tools.

Mobile app.

Advanced search features.

Email filters.

A quiz.

Games. 

And others.

For the most part, I think all of these features are free on POF and probably a few other sites.  Given that many of the guys are on POF, why would someone pay to have a subscription on Match?  They claim to have a guarantee, but they don't make it easy and at the end of the day, you simply get another 6-month membership at no additional cost.  Read all the terms and good luck!

 

When something becomes labour intensive and/or too complicated, I lose interest.  Don't forget, I'm the one who's extremely IT challenged.  I have no issue investing time and putting in the effort, but when a site makes it too long and attaches a cost, I'll pass.  No doubt this site works for some. You have to find what you like and decide whether or not it's worth paying for.  At the end of the day, this profile will be deleted.

 

I recommend people check out various sites and compare features before signing up.

Good luck!

Dateless in Ottawa

Online Dating Sites Explored - Part 2: POF - updated

Who isn't familiar with POF?  It's probably the largest existing online dating site with millions of members world wide.  Creating an account and using the site is free, but you can choose to purchase an upgraded membership which affords you some added functionality and features.  Some of these extra features include:

Include 16 images on your profile.

View other user's extended profile.

See if emails you send are read or deleted.

Your profile will show up first on the "Meet Me" feature.

No ads will show up on the page.

You can see the date and time other users viewed your profile.

The site is relatively user friendly.  Having used it on several occasions over the years, you catch on fairly quickly and learn to navigate.  It has changed somewhat in that initially everything was free, but now some of the functionality is limited to the upgraded members only.  POF sends you weekly matches and they also organize singles events.  

One feature that I really liked that is no longer available is the user search.  If you new the username of the individual you were looking for, you could easily find them this way.  Sadly, this is no longer available.  With several friends on the site it was handy.  Now you have to go through all the meet me pictures or do searches and hope that they'll come up or they'll find you.

Personally I've never felt the added functionality was necessary so chose not to pay for an upgraded membership.  Online dating can be damaging enough to one's ego, do I really need to know if a guy has read or deleted my emails?  16 pictures???  I have a hard enough time posting 1 or 2, but to each his/her own.  At the end of the day, the upgraded membership is an option a user can add.

In my opinion, success or failure cannot be blamed on a site.  Success is dependent on the users and how honestly they portray themselves and their expectations, the site doesn't have any control over what users post.  They do their best to take down inappropriate pictures and materials, but the overall content of a profile is the responsibility of the individual users. 

If like me, you refuse to pay to find your significant other, POF is for you.  Check out the site and give it a try. 

Happy Dating!
Dateless in Ottawa

Online Dating and Sex - How important is it? - updated

Relationships vary extensively.  Some people are only ever with one person for most, if not all of their lives.  At times I feel sorry for friends that have no other experiences when it comes to intimacy and the physical aspects of a relationship.  Growing up our parents were religious and extremely strict.  You didn't talk about sex and dating was out of the question.  It was hard if not impossible to ask questions about puberty much less sex.  We were kind of left to our own vices and had to rely on sex education classes at school, friends, listening to the older kids or others we hung around with.  Looking back it's scary.  I'm shocked there weren't more pregnancies.  I was beyond naïve and had no clue about anything.  Of all my friends, I was the late bloomer.  I had tons of guy friends, in fact I got along with them better than most girls.  At junior high the girls were terrible.  There was always cattiness, competition, gossip and they were just plain nasty.  Growing up we didn't have a lot of money, so we were never into the brand names or trendy stuff.  I dressed kind of boring and frumpy, I guess I looked more like a geek.  Being a bit overweight didn't help and due to allergies I couldn't wear make-up.  Other girls spent hours on their hair, make-up and getting dressed.  For me that was time wasted, I had better things to do.  All of my girlfriends had boyfriends before we finished high school, I wasn't interested.  I remember my girlfriends would get mad that I was friends with so many guys, some of which they were interested in, but for me they were just friends there was no other interest.  They didn't believe me.  It was common for our friends to hang out at our house.  My parents much preferred having us and our friends at home so they knew where we were, with who and what we were doing.  No one complained about Mom's cooking either, if anything it kept them coming back.  

Finally at the age of 18 I met the guy that would become my first boyfriend.  My parents did try to match make me with a family friend when I was 16, but that ended in disaster.  There was another guy that claimed to be interested, but turns out he had a long term girlfriend so early on I learned to be cautious and not trust.

As we get older, we meet other people and date.  This is how we gain relationship experience.  I was always the one in long-term relationships.  Sadly they usually ended badly with me being the one hurt.  In all cases, the guys cheated.  Being inexperienced and naïve is not a good thing.  It opens you up to being taken advantage of.  Growing up everything seemed so perfect and ideallic.  You treat others the way you want to be treated, with honesty and compassion being the centre of your existence.  This is what our parents and religion taught us.  By the same token, our parents were quick to point out the differences between a good girl and a bad girl.  They never went into too much detail, but you pretty much knew if you couldn't talk to them about it, it was a bad thing so best not to go there.  This would explain why at the age of 18 I had never been kissed, other than on the cheek. 

The guy that would become my first boyfriend didn't believe me.  He was floored.  What shocked him even more was the fact that I was a virgin.  He didn't think those truly existed at my age.  As naïve as I was, it took him almost 2 years to finally get me into bed.  Sadly it was a terrible experience, for me anyways.  It was over in under 2 minutes with him fast asleep and me lying there crying out of disappointment.  I felt so let down.  OMG!  Those romantic movies made it look so beautiful and exciting.  They lied, what was this?  Is this how it is all the time?  If so, why do parents make such a big deal about it?  A good girl is supposed to save herself for marriage, why?  For what?  I was full of regret and thought, I'm going to go to hell.  How sad that we were programed to believe that.  I hadn't done any thing wrong.  Why did I suddenly feel so guilty and ashamed?

Over the years circumstances threw me back into the dating world and ultimately online dating.  This was an entirely new learning curve.  Don't even get me started with messaging and texting, I thought government had a lot of acronyms, never mind!  I met and dated a couple more guys.  I quickly learned that no two guys are alike.  Sooner or later you will have sex, it's normal and I think necessary.  The physical aspect of a relationship is equally important to the emotional.  Sex or love making is an art.  Some guys have it, others don't.  I'm sure the same applies to women.  Various factors come into play for a successful physical relationship.  For me, most importantly there has to be chemistry and physical attraction.  One night stands and sex for the sake of having sex is not and has never been for me.  I don't rush into anything so the guy better be very patient.  If he's not, then goodbye cause he's not for me.  Holding off for several weeks is a great way to determine whether or not a guy is simply after sex.

Back to the original question - How important is sex?
I guess it all depends on who you ask.  Sadly some of the people I asked stated that it was only important when trying to procreate, once they had the number of children they wanted, that was it.  Others simply don't enjoy it so they don't see the point in having it.  Some schedule sex.  Really?  Me of all people can totally understand how chaotic life can get with kids, work and other responsibilities, but schedule sex once a month?  OMG and you wonder why you're not happy?  You so have to read about the benefits of having sex regularly.  Very sad, I feel sorry for these people.  Then you have the extreme opposite end of the spectrum where they can't get enough sex.  Something in between would be nice. 

Personally I think when you're having sex things are usually great, the minute it stops, chances are there's a problem.  The physical aspect is what helps two people bond, stay connected and share an exclusive intimacy that has no limits.  The possibilities are endless and partners should be open to exploring and experimenting.  You have to keep that spark alive and have fun.  That said, when you've had a couple of partners, it's very hard not to compare. 

Over time, much like we develop habits, we also develop preferences.  The same applies to sex.  When you're with someone for a long time, you eventually come up with your style and/or routine.  This is what I find difficult.  A relationship ends so now you have to meet someone else and start over.  You only know what you know.  It's scary, kind of like starting a new job and needing training.  Remember, no two people fit together the same way and each will have his/her own style.  You have to figure out how to blend these two styles or develop a whole new one if your partner is willing.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. 

Here's another complex question.  You're dating someone who's wonderful.  They understand you, have similar beliefs and interests, are willing to try new things, are honest, hard working and it's obvious they truly care.  Sooner or later you have sex.  One problem; the sex sucks.  What do you do?  Tough one isn't it?  How often does someone come along that successfully manages to check off pretty much every item on your extensive "must haves" list?  The first few times you sleep with someone can be awkward until you develop your groove, but after a while if things aren't getting better....

In life I try to be positive and maintain hope.  Generally I think an individual regardless of age, can pretty much do anything they set their mind to.  That said, some things can be fixed and others can't.  Some of us can learn new things, others can't or won't.  The same applies to sex.  We're all different.  We think differently, our bodies are shaped differently, our physical abilities differ and our needs are different.  

Many of the men I know have this attitude that they are God's gift to women and they are the best lovers in the world.  If only they could sleep with themselves and then others, maybe they'd better understand.  My ex was of this mind set.  If only he knew how wrong he is, at least in my opinion.  This God complex means he doesn't care what a woman wants or needs.  In his mind he's the best and he knows what he's doing so sit back and enjoy the ride, your opinion doesn't matter.  I find from my experience, if a man gets off, orgasms, comes whatever you want to call it, he's usually satisfied.  Whether it lasts a few minutes or hours, doesn't seem to be overly important.  The goal is having an orgasm.  Don't get me wrong, there are always exceptions, but these tend to be less common.  If you find a guy who's giving and puts your first, hold onto him for dear life!  It's the equivalent of winning the lottery for God's sake.  For women it usually requires a bit more time, at least for me anyways.  I'm sure other women would argue it's perfectly fine, the sooner it's over the better.  Lol  The whole two minute thing does nothing for me.  He's done and I'm barely warmed up, why bother?  Life isn't fair. 

There are several factors that can impact a physical relationship:
1. Size, yes penis size and the vagina too
- I won't lie.  Penis size can affect sex, but if he knows what he's doing it should not be an issue.  In general if he's too big it could be painful and if he's too small she might not feel much. Flip things around and the woman's vagina also impacts sex. 
2. Physical fitness level 
- Sex can be very physically challenging so being in shape makes a difference.  It can certainly affect stamina and creativity. 
3. Beliefs, religion and morals
- Sadly I have friends that think sex is a dirty thing.  It should not be enjoyed, it is used as a means to procreate.  Believe it or not, I've met men who felt the same way.  Hard to change the way you think when this is how you were raised.
4. Body image
- If you hate how you look, having sex will be difficult.  We can all be a bit self-conscious and we're our own worst critic.  Taking our clothes off and being naked is extremely difficult to do when you're not happy with how your body looks.  It makes us feel vulnerable, uncomfortable. 
5. Confidence
- "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!"  This is not easy to do.  In this day and age we're constantly reminded to be politically correct.  Confidence is sexy don't confuse it with arrogance, which is a major turn off. 
6. Experience
- Helps a lot, especially when your partner is not as experienced.  Think of it as a dance.  One leads and the other one follows.  Eventually both should have the ability to lead and alternate roles seamlessly. 
7. Weight
- Being underweight or overweight can impact performance.  You don't want to wind up with broken bones or crushed, nor do we want to hurt our partner.  There may be positions that don't work.
8. Curiosity and open mindedness
- Being open to new things and exploring the infinite possibilities is key.  Don't limit yourself.  As they say, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.  You have to figure out what works and what doesn't so a bit of trial and error is inevitable, have fun. 
9. Age
- As much as we hate to admit it, aging along with aches and pains are hard to avoid or ignore.  Acrobatics and hanging off the chandelier become less appealing or perhaps it would be more accurate to say physically impossible, if you know what I mean.  Lol  It could also affect your opinion of sex.  In some cases it affords one more experience so continue to explore and have fun.

Sadly the questions remain unanswered.  How important is sex in a relationship?  When it's bad, what do you do?  Can it be fixed?  How?

Feel free to send your feedback.  I'm sure many are seeking answers to these questions and looking for some advice.  In the meantime, good luck.  Sorry this post was so long.
Dateless in Ottawa
       

Online Dating Sites Explored - Part 1: C-Dating

So off I went to explore the various dating sites currently available.  In my previous posts, I've talked about the sites I've used.  Not sure how many still exist, whether they've changed or how they operate, so I figured the best way to research them was to do a Google search for the Top 10 Online Dating Sites and create a profile in each so I can provide a detailed and comprehensive assessment.  Not sure who they poll, but every time you do a search different results and rankings come up.  Most of the sites listed are familiar, but there were some new ones.  My curiosity was piqued, so I got to work and started creating profiles and checking out the various features and differences between the  sites based on one of the Top 10 search results that had come up.  I decided I wouldn't post any pictures.  Just set up a profile, figure out how it works, what the features are and check out some profiles.

#1. C-Dating - This was a new one.  I had never heard of it before. 
I went into the site and started creating my profile.  All of sudden there was a section asking for my sexual preferences.  This seemed odd and unnecessary for an online dating site.  I skipped this section and continued.  Oddly enough, you don't create a user name.  The system generates one for you using a combination of letters and numbers.  I didn't think twice, figured it saves me the trouble of trying to come up with a creative username that isn't already taken.  Then there was a section where you choose pictures based on your sexual category.  This left me puzzled.  Something didn't seem right to me.  There was way too much reference to sex and preferences. To me this is something a couple explores at their own pace when they decide they have chemistry and want to pursue a relationship.  At this point I decided to check out a few profiles before completing mine. 

OMG!  The guys are quite detailed about their fetishes and sexual preferences.  Now I knew for sure this was not a typical online dating site.  I should've done more research before creating a profile.  According to the site's FAQs, this is what I found:

"CDating offers a clearly distinguished service compared to other single chats, dating platforms or lonely heart internet ads. CDating caters to men, women and couples who don’t want to miss out on non-committal relationships. CDating is a meeting place for those who would like to live out their erotic fantasies in a refined manner. Our member receive individual contact proposals generated by the CDating matching algorithm, designed for optimal compatibility. With over seven years of experience in managing global online dating services, CDating understands the importance of confidentiality, customer service and relevant matching technology. That’s why we are at the top of our game."

At the end of the day, this is a no strings attached sex matching service not an online dating site.  No wonder the usernames are system generated, this helps to ensure anonymity as anyone can use it, not just single people.  I quickly deleted everything and won't be going back onto that site again.  When exploring dating sites, check them out, do a Google search and look for blogs that give feedback or ratings before signing up.  Kind of pathetic that it came up as a Top 10 Online Dating site when I did the Google search.  In my opinion, this is not a dating site at least not for me.

On to the next site! 
Dateless in Ottawa

Researching Online Dating Sites and Match Making Services

Hello,

I've been toying with the idea of possibly going back to online dating at some point, but still not 100% ready or convinced it's for me.  Just the thought actually causes me a bit of anxiety.  Friends and family have been suggesting sites so I figured I'd do some research to see what's out there.  Even if it's not for me, it makes me feel good to help others. 

If you have any suggestions on site or other methods, I'm game.  As I check out the various sites I'll post some information along with my thoughts and opinions.  Feel free to share your comments, experiences and feelings on some of the sites you might have tried.  What worked?  What didn't work?  Which ones would you recommend?  What have your friends, family or co-workers tried?  

Let's all go do some research and check back.  Like I keep telling my single friends, one should never give up hope.  The right person will come along eventually.  If only I could take my own advice!

Oh well, good luck and I'll post some details soon!
Dateless in Ottawa

Going to Weddings when you're Single

As ok as I am with being single, going to a wedding is a whole different ball game.  This was the first wedding I attended since my husband's death.  These were close friends and I was honoured to help out with some of the planning and last minute tasks.  Weddings are fabulous celebrations with great food, company and special moments, but this one affected me emotionally.  As in many cases, the majority of the guests were couples.  I wasn't alone as my children were with me, however it's not the same as being with a date or significant other.  Watching couples interact makes me long for the same thing.  It took me back to my wedding day and how much fun we had. 

Seeing a gentleman pull out the chair for his significant other, hold her purse, go to the bar to get her favourite drink, share a private toast, place his suit jacket over her shoulders at the first sign of a chill, lead her to the dance floor...all lovely romantic gestures.  I'll forever be a sucker for chivalry and this is what I miss most.

When the music started, that's when it hit me like a freight train.  The Latin blood in me starts to dance the minute the first note plays.  All this long before my brain clues in to the fact that music is playing.  It's like my body has a mind of its own.  My feet start to tap to the rhythm of the music and soon my entire body is aching to move and deeply affected by the music.  Luckily my youngest loves to dance so she kept me company on the dance floor and had all the guests thoroughly entertained.  The bride's son was also an amazing dancer.  My oldest kids were like, "No way, what do you mean?  I am not dancing Mom."  Quite surprising given that all of my girls take dance classes and compete, they should be naturals!  All of a sudden they seemed awkward and unable to dance.  So much for moving to the rhythm of the music.  Ok so some of the songs were a bit older, but come on the 90's and early 2000's had awesome dance music!  Then there's the Latin tunes, how can anyone not get up and dance?  The teenage years have made my kids unsocial and way too self conscious. 

I love watching couples dance.  Many at this wedding obviously take dance lessons.  It's so beautiful to watch them glide around the dance floor in sync and perfectly coordinated.  Reminds me of the movies with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, not to mention my parents who were also amazing dancers.  As a child I think I spent way too much time watching, should've taken more lessons!

Sadly when the slow songs start, you find yourself sitting alone at the table.  Even my kids took off. The photo booth was far more interesting than watching the dance floor.  It also happens when I go out with my friends, I'm the fifth wheel.  This is what I find difficult.  You can only go the bathroom so many times.  Have you ever noticed that DJ's have a habit of playing 2-3 slow songs in a row?  Well this guy seemed to have all the extended versions to boot!  Thank you very much, maybe I should go for a long walk, read a book...can we please go back to the Latin tunes???

Coincidentally, just before going to the wedding I was talking to a close friend who'd gone to a wedding the week before.  He too was feeling a bit down and lonely.  It makes you question where you are in life, where you'd like to be and where others think you should be.  At times you wonder whether there's something wrong with you.  Everyone else seems to be happy and with someone, how come not me?  Where are we supposed to look?  Are you doing things right?  What would make you happy?  Are our expectations unreasonable?  So many questions.  Given his experiences he's not sure he's ready to go back to online dating which is apparently the best and/or only option for finding "the one." I'm in the same boat, maybe eventually.

Oh well, perhaps one day we'll look back and laugh at our current sorrows.  The key is to trust that we're exactly where we are supposed to be, while never giving up hope.  Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa

Strange Questions Men Ask - Update #2

For those using online dating,  I'm quite sure you've had your share of unusual or strange questions and messages from other users. I had breakfast with a girlfriend this morning and she was telling me about POF and some of her latest odd emails.  Always very entertaining to hear about everyone else's online dating experiences.  She's so turned off she's thrown in the towel.  For now enjoying the Summer will be her priority.

Below you will find a collection of strange, weird and unusual questions guys have asked before they've even met a woman. Most are mine, a couple are borrowed from girlfriends.
1. Should I bring my overnight bag?
Not what you expect when you're trying to make plans to meet for the first time.  Just a little presumptuous, don't you think?  So much for letting things happen on their own.
2. Do you play strip poker sometimes?
Pardon me?  Can't say I've ever played.  It could be fun, but highly unlikely to happen on the first or second date!
3. Are you ok with threesomes?
Excuse me?  I haven't met you, let alone slept with you and you're already trying to bring a third person into it? 
4. I have a foot fetish, can you describe your feet for me?
Sure:  Sore and in desperate need of a massage!  Lol  Do you do pedicures?
5. What's your favourite sexual position?
Unbelievable!  Why don't we just wait to see whether there's any chemistry or potential and we'll play it by ear?  Besides, shouldn't there be a certain amount of mystery and intrigue?
6. Would you go to a strip club with me?
Not sure this is the kind of venue I'd pick for a first date or any date for that matter, but if we're going to watch the Chippendales why not?   Based on his reaction I don't think this was the answer he was looking for!  Lol
7. Is it ok if I bring my brother?
Really?  I'm meeting a guy for coffee and he has to bring his brother with him?  Sorry, but I'm not interested in threesomes.
8. Will you be my submissive?
Me?  I think not, my kids say I'm too bossy so I guess that means I like to be in charge!  LMAO
9. If I cuddle after sex, would you let me move in with you?  I kinda need a place to stay.
Say what?  We just started emailing and you're already making plans to move in?
10. I'll ask my Mom what she thinks about us meeting for coffee and get back to you.
Say what?  Ask your Mom for permission to go out on a date?  While you're at it, let me know what she thinks of my profile and the pictures.  On second thought, never mind good luck with your search.
11. I lost my wallet and need to get back to Canada.  Can you lend me a couple of thousand dollars so I can buy a plane ticket to come home?  Don't worry, I'll take you out for dinner and pay you back as soon as I get home.
Yeah, sure the cheque is in the mail.  Buddy, I didn't fall off a turnip truck yesterday.
12. My wife will be away next weekend, why don't you come over on Saturday?
Thanks, but I'll pass.  I only date single, divorced or widowed men.
13. Do you like golden showers?
I knew exactly what he meant, but had to play dumb.
Of course I do, why do you think I travel to tropical places?  Gotta tan on the beach for hours under the golden showers of a hot sun with a frozen margarita in my hand.
14. Are your boobs real?  Would you consider having plastic surgery?
Oh my, we're bordering on insulting with these questions.  Odd to ask these questions when you haven't met me yet.  Then again maybe a tummy tuck would be nice if you're paying.
15. Would you like a load of seamen?
He was in the navy and no he wasn't trying to be funny.  He was very serious.  Once again a bit too forward for my taste.  Try meeting in person first and then see where it goes.
"Very kind of you, but I'll pass thanks."  Not to mention he needs help with spelling too!
16. Will you come visit me?
Another guy looking for sex.  I couldn't resist.
"Visit you?  Are you going to prison?  Do you have to have surgery?"  He got totally confused.  Oh well, next!
17. Will you marry me?
I've lost count as to how many men have asked me to marry them simply based on pictures of food I had posted or after mentioning that I love to cook and bake.  This question is supposed to be reserved for the "one" so I suppose I should be somewhat flattered, but the meaning is greatly diminished when it's not heartfelt and serious.  Also a tad premature when you haven't even met in person!

Some of the questions blow my mind.  Are these guys for real?  Give your head a shake.  And they wonder why they're still single?  Oh boy, let me count the ways.

As I remember more crazy questions, I'll update this post.  I'd love to hear some of your gems, feel free to share!  If nothing else, I hope this post made you laugh.
Dateless in Ottawa

Speed Dating - Round 3

After several calls and emails from the organizers insisting I attend, I finally caved and agreed to participate.  It was only going to cost me my time and parking so why not?  A reason to get out and I looked forward to being entertained.  After two very interesting experiences, I had no expectations.  It would be great to network with other women.  Funny that the organizers were so desperate for women to participate.  No doubt we all felt the same way, especially after the last event. 

The day of the event arrived.  Thankfully I checked my email before heading out.  The venue was changed.  I didn't see this as a good thing.  Anyone who didn't check their email would be showing up at the wrong venue.  Six of us managed to receive the notification and arrived at the correct restaurant.  The organizers had posted a sign at the other one, but 30 minutes later and the rest of the participants had not arrived.  Someone went over to the other place to redirect people, but it wasn't looking good.  The new venue was nice, very modern with chic décor.  They led us upstairs to a small room with tables set up.  Shortly after a waitress appeared with drinks.  After just a few minutes, we were overheating.  The air conditioning didn't seem to be working and it was stifling hot.  We asked the waitress if they could turn up the A/C, but there was no change.  Several people complained so they opened all the windows.  The organizers arrived with a couple more participants and apologized for the delay.  They said we'd have to get started as they were not able to reach the other participants. 

There were three guys and five girls.  We were all a bit tired of waiting and it was way too hot in there.  By the time things go underway, we were over an hour behind schedule.  The waitress brought pitchers of water and tried to make us comfortable.  The event started.



Date #1 - The Artist
Another artist with a bold flowery shirt.  I let him do the talking.

Him: "How are you?  I'm _____ .
Me: "Nice to meet you."
Him: "Pretty hot in here isn't it? "
Me: "Yes it is."
Him: "What do you do for a living?"
Me: "I work for the federal government.  What do you do?"
Him: "I'm in the process of selling some of my art."
Me: "How much have you sold?"
Him: "Nothing yet, I'm just starting to spread the word."

Ok, I was done.  Thankfully the bell rang.  Next!



Date #2 - The World Traveller
He had long hair and an unkept look.  Once again I don't think he knew what business casual meant.

Him: "I'm _________ , what's your name?"
Me: "Nice to meet you, I'm ________ .
Him: "How was your day?"
Me: "Great and yours?"
Him: "Good, I just booked my trip to Norway.  I'm going to travel around for a few months."
Me: "So you're trying to start a relationship, but leaving to travel shortly?"
Him: "It was something to do, nice to get out and meet people.  Not looking for a relationship right now, just enjoying myself."
Me: "So you're taking vacation leave from work to travel?"
Him: "No, I work here and there just to save up so I can travel."

Next!!!!!



Date #3 - The Pretty Boy
It was very obvious he was a player.  He seemed young for this event.  Totally not my type. 

Him: "Hey, how's it going?"
Me: "Good thanks and you?"
Him: "Great, just hanging out."
Me: "So what brings you here?"
Him: "I kind of have a girlfriend, but I'm bored.  Looking for something new."
Me: "Kind of, are you still with her or did you break it off already?"
Him: "We're still together, I'm just looking for something better then I'll see."
Me: "I'm not for you, I wish you luck.  Maybe you should be honest with your girlfriend and end it if you're not happy. Take care, bye."

I left.  Oh well, no one can say I didn't try.  I got to chat with one lady I had met at the last event and had a couple of drinks, so all was not lost.  The new restaurant was nice, but they needed to get their air conditioning fixed.  These types of events were not for me.  My speed dating career was over.

Speed dating is very different.  The nice thing being you don't waste weeks or months emailing and talking on the phone only to meet the person and realize there's no chemistry.  You meet the person right away and after a few questions you know whether or not there's potential.  For some this will be a great way to meet people and possibly find the "one", unfortunately it didn't work for me. 

Keep an open mind and give it shot.  Don't go in with any expectations, just enjoy the experience and use it as a networking opportunity.  I stayed in touch with some of the women I met and we helped each other out with issues that came up at work.  Nice to have friends in different fields.



Good luck!
Dateless in Ottawa