The next couple of posts will be longer as I'm going to write about the rest of the guys I met during Round 34. Haven't been back online in a while. Working on trying to stay positive and hopeful. Maybe in a few weeks I'll plunge back into the wonderful world of online dating, but for now I'll work on bringing you up to speed on my adventures...good and bad.
All the business travel and getting away for a family vacation over the last several weeks has been awesome. We've had the best summer ever. Many days spent relaxing by the beach with lots of time to write.
Ok, back to the men of Round 34:
4. Another Bus Driver
He was the same age as me. Tall with dark hair and blue eyes. His profile was interesting. Cooking and entertaining seemed to be a passion based on his pictures and the profile, two things I very much enjoy. He wrote first and said he wanted to meet to talk over coffee. He was divorced with children. After emailing and texting for a while he suggested coffee. We made a date to meet for coffee in the morning. On the day of he said his daughter had been sick and they were at the hospital all night so he hadn't slept. He'd be in touch later in the day depending on how he was feeling after taking a bath. I probably would have just rescheduled, but Ok.
Didn't hear from him all day so I made plans to go to a friend's for dinner. He texted wanting to meet at 7:00 pm for coffee while I was having dinner. I didn't respond right away. He sent another text not long after saying that obviously I didn't want to meet since I didn't respond. Wow! I try to be patient and understanding, but was he kidding me? Didn't hear from him all day, but now I have to respond to him immediately??? Texted I'd be home later if he wanted to call as I was at a friend's having dinner since I didn't hear from him all day. I left him a message when I got home. He texted the following morning claiming he didn't hear the phone as he was cooking up a storm all night. His cell had died and the charger wasn't working so he was going to run out and buy another one, he'd call later when his phone was charged. If his phone was dead, how was he texting??? Then he texted to say he was grocery shopping and feeling a bit tired, so not sure he'd be up to talking. This guy was sounding way too neurotic for my taste.
We finally did talk. It was kind of awkward and strange. Cooking his chicken seemed to be far more important than carrying on a conversation with me. Based on his profile we seemed to have a few things in common, but during the conversation it was very obvious a lot of what he wrote was just filler. He admitted women friends he had met on POF helped him write the profile and told him what women look for. Are you kidding me? He'd been on for almost a year and still hadn't met anyone in person because he claimed he was being cautious. I think paranoid would be a far better adjective to use. He has a few email friends on POF, but won't text either because he won't give out his cell number. I guess I should feel honoured since he texted me. OMG it was hard not to laugh. Done, NEXT! Funny that I've read many men's profiles that say women seem adverse to meeting, but men can be just as bad if not worse.
5. Mr. Classy - not
The introductory email captivated me, he was a great writer. His profile was also extremely well written and longer than average. Most of our interests were the same. His profile pictures were private, but he attached them to the email.
He was slightly older, tall at 6'2, had dark hair and dark eyes. His status was divorced and he had children. He was an engineer and had travelled extensively. His parents were from Lebanon and France and family was important to him. We emailed and then quickly moved to texting and talking. I was away on business again, but we spoke daily and he was very anxious to meet. He offered to drive up to Montreal to take me out for dinner, but it didn't work with my schedule. I was impressed. The following week we were both busy then after that we were both travelling to visit family. When we got back we finally arranged to meet. Funny to meet someone with an equally crazy work and travel schedule.
We met for coffee. I was pleasantly surprised. He looked like his pictures and he said he was also thrilled that I looked identical to mine. Several of the women he had met were far larger, looked older or didn't look anything like their profile pictures. We had a long conversation and laughed. It felt like we'd known each other for a long time. Eventually he suggested going for a drive and we wound up at the beach. We walked along the beach and had a great conversation touching on various topics. It was a beautiful night with a gorgeous sunset. One thing let to another, then all of a sudden he became violent. I was caught completely off guard and wasn't sure what to do. Everything had been going well up to that point, I never saw this coming. It seemed like he couldn't get an erection and this made him even more angry. He was rude and got very rough. I tried to calm him down while trying to remain composed. I was scared. I felt trapped, like I couldn't get away and if I tried anything he'd hurt me even more. Finally he stopped and let me go. His eyes looked glazed over, like he was in another world. He walked away so I quickly got myself together and left.
This guy seemed so normal and nice. A total Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde. We'd been talking for weeks and there was no indication or signs to predict he'd behave this way. He was always polite and gentlemanly. Things could've been far worse. I can completely understand how a woman would stop fighting for fear of being hurt more or killed. Fear can paralyze you. There was no one around to help. I went home and cried. It was a while before I was able to tell a friend what had happened. He was so angry with me. He wanted to know who this guy was and where he lived, he'd go pay him a visit and have a chat. Yeah right, I didn't think that would help. When I went online, his profile and all the emails had been deleted. All traces of him were gone. I had his personal email, but what's the point? Even the cell number had the voice message changed. Chances are this wasn't the first time he'd done this. Great at being charming, but all the while a ruthless predator in disguise. It's easy to delete a profile and email accounts. Best to move on and forget about this. Huge lesson learned. Be very cautious, don't assume or take anything for granted. Many good actors out there, this one deserves an academy award. Sad that people are so deceptive and behave this way. Maybe I'm still way too naïve and trusting. My friend told me I had to implement a 5 date rule, no sex until then. If a guy was truly interested and respectful, he'd wait. If not his true colours would show and he'd bail revealing his true intentions. Anyone looking for a relationship should be willing to put in the effort to get to know someone before having sex. I think he might be right. Yes guys want sex, but if they truly care and want to build a relationship they shouldn't be in a rush.
6. Mr. Retired
He was older and honestly, I wasn't interested. His emails were polite and that's what kept my attention. I told myself to be open minded and not allow past experiences to cloud my judgement. For his age, he was in great shape and liked to travel. He had just retired from teaching, was divorced and didn't have any children. He came from a large family and said he didn't have any issues with kids. Being a teacher I figured kids would not be a problem and family seemed to be important to him.
After talking for a bit he suggested coffee on Thursday night. Wednesday night arrived and he sent several texts asking me to confirm and wondering what time I'd be there because he wouldn't go if I wasn't there. The texts continued then he said he was there and didn't appreciate being stood up. WTF? He was calling, but I didn't answer because I didn't recognize the number. It didn't match the one he had given me. I texted to remind him our date was on Thursday, today was only Wednesday.
He called again from yet another number and was annoyed. I didn't have the wrong day, he did. Now he wanted to meet tonight since he was already there and said that he'd wait for me. No, I had plans and had to drive my kids to dance class. He called back a while later and said it wouldn't work for us because he's not a family man, but if I wanted a coffee buddy he'd be available. What? We had discussed in detail that I had kids and they all lived with me. So much for not having a problem with kids. I wished him luck with his search, no thanks I don't need a coffee buddy.
Are these guys for real? Is it just me? OMG, this is too much.
Interestingly enough during this round two gentlemen with physical disabilities contacted me. I politely declined. I admire their strength and determination. We all want to be loved and deserve happiness. As horrible and shallow as I might appear, I know my limits. My life is busy enough with work and my kids, I can't take on more responsibility no matter how independent they claim to be. One continued to write and insisted all would be fine if I was willing to put in the effort. This has absolutely nothing to do with me being willing to put in the effort. Dammit, read my blog! If I'm not the poster child for perseverance and being a sucker for punishment, I don't know who is. I quickly pointed out that my home is not wheelchair accessible, nor is my vehicle so I have a hard time believing there would be no issues. I'm not going to leave my kids alone all of the time to accommodate him. Not to mention he tells me that his ex-wife and her new husband along with their 3 kids all live together in the same house as this is what works for them. Really? Holy shit, are you kidding me? Guess what...that totally doesn't work for me! Good grief, just when you think you've heard it all.
Apart from these, more emails soliciting sex and men claiming to be looking for a relationship when all they seem to want to do is sext and have phone sex. Grow up boys!
Ok, enough for this one. Stay tuned for the continuing saga.
Dateless in Ottawa
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